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During my Childhood.
a New Hampshire father of twin boys named Joe taught me that friendship, love, and respect,
meant wrestling.
He was a burly man
with glasses and a salt and pepper beard
Who loved guitar hero, dunkin' doughnuts and Motorcycles.
One day joking to his adult friends I heard:
"I'm a lesbian trapped in a mans body"

Now, Joe did not mean this the way
we think of it in this community.
He was not transgendered.
probablly didn't even know they exist.
He was simply saying.
"I have an attraction to girls who will never love me, because I have a *****,
and Isn't that tragic enough for a punchline?"
Though a young boy,
I identified with that.

In middle school, the media convinced me
that gay boys were getting all the ladies.
So I needed everyone to know I was gay.
that way, they'd be my friends,
and get naked in front of me.
It worked.
However, I still could not get a girlfriend.
And I did not want a boyfriend.
because again, It was all a 10 year old me's
Con just to see girls undress.

A year or two goes by
being gay
To get a girlfriend.
when on the television:
I see Tila Tequila.
A bisexual Bachelorette reality Show.

Wait! I said to my mother.
"I CAN LIKE BOTH?"
"Sure you can! I do.
This one time, aunt spider and I"
"Mom! That's enough."

So in my living room,
Surrounded by fold-out tables
And chicken parmesisan
I pronounced myself bisexual.

I had the best of both worlds! I could watch girls undress, AND have a girlfriend.
This was not relevant however, for a while.
As I still had not developed social skills.

Enter highschool awkward bisexual boy.
I'd never actually been attracted to a man before...
But I wasn't ruling it out.
zero percent of the woman I fell for seemed to like men,
Or more accurately, me.
I was resonating closer to the
"Lesbian trapped in a mans body"
line then ever before.
I probablly asked out every female senior, every girl I grew up with.
every girl who looked at me, to go on a date.
All to be turned down.
Except one.
I entered college with a monogamous Long-term relationship raising A beautiful Nerd girl's daughter.
Seemed like I had it made.
Young parents.
Both bisexual.
Together we flushed out Every kink and curvature of what pleasured us.
Then two years later.
My grandmother died,
I lost my job of four years,
She left me,
taking our daughter with her.
Devastated, I turned to the most destructive of known vices.
Tinder.

I went on first and last date after parking lot hookup after rooftop romance with these girls.
Writing poetry all the while to document my stresses.
I was no longer "A lesbian trapped in a mans body."
If anything, I was a lesbian
Thriving! In a mans body.

This came up at a party once
We were playing rockband when I said it.
A woman spoke up:
"You're devalueing the phrase for transgendered woman who use it!
It's dissrepectfull."
When I tried to explain myself:
That it helped me rationalize
years of rejection
laugh at my own failure.
Build the foundation
for my optimistic attitude
By saying it's not me.
I just like lesbians.
it made my failures a predictable Punchline.

But I was weak.
They convinced me.
I stopped identifying as
"A lesbian thriving in a mans body."
from then on, I was a man.

Years have passed and I've given a lot of love to a lot of people.
Learned a lot about my preferences
Sexually, romantically, personally.

At the momment:
I am a:
Hetero flexible
Polyamorous
Male.

But deep down I know.
Even though I'll never say it.
Because it isn't really true.
Or maybe because it's offensive.
Or maybe because i'm scared.
I'll always be a lesbian
Thriving as a man.
The momment I realized
facebook
was a pokedex for people
Was the moment I realized
I don't want to catch them all.

Some pokemon aren't worth the trouble.
Let alone making it double.

Abra for instance,
I understand you like spooning
but if you're going to teleport
every time I throw the Pokeball,
maybe it's best you stay in the cave.

cubone:
Did you ever think maybe,
wearing the skull
of your dead mother
for protection
might mean
you have some serious family baggage?

Pidgey:
I shouldn't have to keep buying repels
to keep you away.
If I stroll through the tall grass
You appear every five minutes
Without realizing I AM IGNORING YOU.
Perhaps you should wait
until I throw another ball.

I'm trying
to catch different pokemon right now
Who fit my team better
Have the Nature I want.

You had your chance
to be in my party
When I fed you that Razz berry
threw the first ball.
Caught you.
then you Evolved
into this big mouthed Golbat
About to swallow me whole.

Trainers.
Stop spending time on toxic pokemon
Poisen types, koffing and wheezing.
Psychic types that play you puppet.

Don't throw the ball to them
Let their grass rustle.
Walk on by
I'm transfering mine in for candies
Catching Shinies
legendaries whom there are only one of in this world.

I stopped trying to catch them all.
I'm searching the high ground
taking time to look at their move set
Running around town with them.

We'll EV train each other,
Get every badge together.
BEAT THE ELITE FOUR
Get knocked down
Go to the pokecenter
Do, do, dodo DO!
Get right back up, together.
Because it's not about catching them all.
It's about healing the ones that you have.
Team Instict!
Ann M Johnson May 2016
How many times have plans been carefully made
then drifted away when faced with the problems of
real life.
Contentment can be found when giving up on previous plans
and taking things one day at a time and living in the present moment.
After all, I don't know what joys or sorrows tomorrow will bring.
I am currently on a medical leave from school so I need to live in the moment and take life one day at a time.
odalis sanchez May 2014
In this world what do we have to offer?And by we I mean me and the reader of this passage.Were born to live a hard life to see how much we can take..We grow up 2 year of getting bullied in school.Then we grow to try to get a life Along the way of all of that we get heart broken.After the heartbreak we put up walls to keep people from getting in.Those walls soon start to crumble.We still act like everythings ok...One day we slip and start to self harm...Things feel better from that point.Self harm becomes you're escape from everyone ignorance.You find bliss in pain from that momment on.The worst thing is....Right after you find that bliss the scars show....People start to bully you even more...You self harm more and more till it gets to where you want to die...While all of that happens you sit by watching the person you love be with someone else.You watch you're friends get everything you wanted in life...You get left behind in the shadows of no return....The shadows where you're deep in thought about killing yourself.You don't belong any where and no one would care if you died....Its a dark hole thats hard to come out of.Then you meet those people who say "It'll get better stay strong."That line is complete *******.You wait over time, keep self harming and living.Everything just gets worse.One day you lose all you're friends and everything goes wrong....You're in your room sitting there deep in thought about you're depression.You just wish everything would end....Theres only one thing stopping you....That last ******* line you're old best friend said.. "things get better."You try to wait for things to shape up...They don't at all.You say goodbye to everyone.At that momment you take a last breathe...You do the unthinkable....All of a sudden EVERYONE CARES.Everyone suddenly misses your face and gives a ****....Dear reader.Please tell me why in this world you only matter after you die?
Deanna Oct 2012
a woman stood with silver hair
laugh lines had long set in
a kind smile she gives to me
a lifelong tail she spins
of mr right and mr wrong
of love and of deceit
of all the wemen excluding her
her man swept off their feet
she tells me of her children
and the hard times that they shared
the laughter thats between them
and the burdens that they bear
she reminisced of good old times
a smile apon her face
she told me not a single momment
ever i should waste
she told me that its crazy
how quickly time flies
how so often if she could
shed trade time for being wize
she told me id be ok
in this world of mine
if i could only find someone
to share it by my side
i told her i had found the one
she didnt seem surprised
for at 18 she too
was to be a bride
so were alike in many ways
young love was hers and mine
im glad to let her relive this
at least one more time
Honest John waits In his car.
peaks through his rear view mirror at the glass door. watching.
The engine is off.
cold air nips at his nose and ears.
ice caps cover grass.
the night pitch black
No moon in the sky.
few stars due to the city smog.

A Dim glow from inside the restaurant
Casts shadows in the parking lot.
She hides in them.

Rolling carts march uniform right on schedule
hauling trash to dumpsters just outside.
Honest john watches her slip on a Latex Glove.
*** a cigarette.
She doesn't want honest john to smell the cigarette on her hands.
He doesn't know.

Honest John's Phone buzzes.
He answers.
Told that "work is going late."
She "won't need a ride tonight."
"Won't be home tonight."
Honest John asks where she's going.

"oh, out with my lady friend.
Sarah, haven't seen her since high-school"

"Alright." Says Honest John.
"Have fun." He bit his tongue for the sake of not seeming Crazy again.
It wasn't very honest of him.

She climbs up into red Truck with
The man.
smoke billows out the windows as they screach off howling in the rearview mirror.

Honest John has always hated her lying.

John Loves Crying.
It's honest.
Not just his own tears.
Being the shoulder to cry on is johns momment of ecstasy.
Tears are Beautiful on everybody.
Nobody cries without a reason.

Alone John Smokes Djarum Blacks.

They're the most honest of cigarettes.
Don't paint themselves White
Try passing as innocent or pure.
Just Blatantly say
"Hey, we're way worse for you then a normal cigarette.
"This is slowly killing you"
John appreciates that
even though they're slowly killing him,
At least they are honest about it.

John speaks his mind.
Just as he beleives it.
won't risk leaving words
unsaid again.
but there is one word
he's troubled being Honest about.

Love.

Everytime he doesn't say it.
It kills him slowly.
which would be fine,
if love didn't lie.
Abraham CAvazos Nov 2013
I am trapped I have no escape.
My prisson's walls are very high, smooth and slippery so that I can't climb out of there.
There is no door and window here.
No one hears my cry.
My prayers are like sounds that bounce on the wall.
I'm just talking to myself.
God Himself seems to have turned his back on me.  
It feels like I've offended Him so baldly, that He only means to destroy my life now.
It's over.

I don't know.... this is my frustration and bitterness at this momment.
I'd like to drop dead and not open my eyes into this world anymore.
Some people might cry for a little while, but they'll get over it.
The other thing that makes me feel hopeless, is that no matter how much I want death to come on me, I passed the time in my life in which suicide was really an option.
I have to keep living in this jail which is called life on earth.
I feel condemned.
When will I ever be able to close my eyes permanently and never wake up?
I wrote this, one time I felt pretty down and after reading it It seemed to me like it was oddly opetic. Has any one ever felt like this? I think that at least every person on earth 21 years old (or older) have felt this way at least once in his/her life.
DieingEmbers Jan 2013
Do you miss me wanna kiss me
do you wanna steal my breath
wanna hold me soft enfold me
share with me a little death
wanna feel me try to heal me
as the darkness takes ahold
wanna bathe me try to save me
with your kisses chains corrode
wanna claim me wanna name me
as your nails carve in my bark
wanna know me wanna show me
all your beauty after dark
wanna chance it then enhance it
Take a bite and ******* ache
wanna own me now you've shown me
that my heart you'll never break
wanna keep me and sleep with me
want to awake within my arms
wanna aid me and to shade me
beneath your loving palms
wanna momment wanna life time
want what ever I can give
wanna be mine wanna share time
want to wake and at last live.
Quentin Briscoe Apr 2012
At this momment I'm currently in myspace....the area around me that you cant penetrate...I Dont get to close to your face...you tend to regurgitate...garbage from the radio..you's a stupid *** stupid stupid ***...pollution...that we find to be revolution.. we came from wadding in the water...and being born by the river...What we over comming screaming *** *** ***...throwing out this paper shake it... fast fast fast...What happend to the love make it last last last...Love and happiness see thats the past past past...See we use to be 360 plus active and well rounded...now we just 360 plus a little more the rounded...Hey my people hey my friends...Come and join myspace...We can have a chance to win...Just Come close to MY face...
Laurie Fisher Jul 2012
I just want some short lived injection of romance.
Just a kiss.
A spark.
A momment that makes want to keep trudging along.
A fleshy touch.
An imperical state, where something blooms.
Where you realize that its worth it.
Someone who can reach inside you.
Flipping your stomoch 'round.
Your sick.
Drowning in suffocating, emotional mudd.
He leaned forward and I did also..
His hand was playing with my hair
Mine on his cheek..
Beautiful he was
And secret this is...
He moved in so did I... What a lovely momment to be alive to feel his lips on mine... And my hands always locked in his..
Ayussh Srivastav May 2016
From inside I may be crying,
But outside I will always be smiling,
No one notices,
But it's hard for me to controll

My physical wounds would heal
But my heart will never.
The night is yet to be over,
But my emotions are beaten,
And my brain has become more valuable,
It's.in general

Then comes the teaes, and i think how to change?,
As i cry for rage,
You say you understand,
And lend me a helping hand.
That may be true,
But first stand in my shoe.
You.will take a scoop of nothing but shame.

Strong and then weak,
Happy and then sad,
Sometimes feeling hopefull,
And always dreadinh the bad

I stand scared and uncertain,
And ask myself "where am I?"
It's dark in here
Don't know what to do.

Thoughts stomp in my mind,
Let me get out of here,
I try and try and try.
But the light goes further and further apart.

Every day, Every hour and Every momment
I live in shame
But then i close my eyes
See someone whose most important in my life,
And think "Life is full of problems,
I need to fight it to make it big"
For all those in depression
My love, my love, my oh sweet love. I wish I could tell you how tough it is feeling like this. From the momment wee shared our first kiss. Baby I'm so sorry I am so ******* up inside. I feel lost everyday my heart cries your name. Everyday feeling bound to chains, my love, my love, my oh sweet love. I am so sorry I am so evil with this black blood coursing through my vains novacane you're my anesthetic my drug of peace yet deception. To lives joined as one, my love, my love. My love for you is like no other so powerful and strong making me tougher yet weaker like the oceans rip tide feeling the climb. Baby you're a dime your beauty, love, compassion, grace, mind, personality, I love you for you and only me. Wee are forever. My love, my love, my oh sweet love tell me tomorrow will be that much better, my love.
I wrote this as a reminder that my life is horrible. But to stay strong for the one thing that matters in my life my girlfriend.
Ellyn k Thaiden Dec 2012
That tingling momment
When the
Music starts
And your heart

Beats faster
And faster
It never
Quite stops

When the
Goosebumps
Run all
Down your arms

That feeling
Of alarm and
Your spine stiffins
And your whole body listens

When you feel
Right with the world
And eveything just
Clicks

When tears form
At your eye
Your body leaks
And cries

Pain and happiness
Love and hate
That burning yearning feeling
Like fish and the bait

You cannot describe
The love for this
Music is life
Something you cannot miss
Blue October baby.
Heidi Kneip Jun 2016
In that moment of devastation

stripped of what she

believed was true

Stripped of her own self worth

Stripped of her dignity

In that moment while the moon

was high above

the starry night sky

In that moment she woke up

Understanding

Awakening

To a truth she had already

Anticipated

There it was once more

all laid out in front of her

crystal clear

And while tears silently crept out of

her once shiny

love radiating eyes

In that momment of shock

She realized

again

How foolish she had been

In that moment

during the depth of

the night

That moment of universal

silence

She rose up from her bed

to cleanse herself

It was not his touch or smell

she maniacally tried to scrub off

In that moment

while her soul was crying out

she tried to wash off the magic

he had cast on her soul

Setting herself free

Once more

Of what once was

Awakening to a stronger tomorrow
Aaron Ownbey Mar 2015
Today is a step closer to what will be,
What that is at this momment I can not see.
To be stuck in a place I so much hate,
Freedom to few and others to late.
I dont question myself on why I come back,
Its decisions made and the good ones I've lacked.
You'd think i've learned not what to do,
I have only myself to blame,"thats who".
The crying the hurting the pain inside,
It's time to be honest my lifes been a lie.
I want to do right and do whats best,
Put my past behind me and leave it to rest.
Day by day thats getting done,
And closer I'll be to my daughter and son.
Norbert Tasev Apr 2020
You must believe, even condemned to the captivity of debris moments, that you have come into tangible and perceptible body proximity with your two eyes every day with the wonders of Goodness and selfless, devoted, kind Grace. Who can see and see in the dark? Whose adorable Adonis whose body is just handsome and deservedly enviably worked out, while his brain competence is as big as a holey big nutshell or nectar coconut?

Shouldn't souls be deceived by deliberate manipulation as long as your eyes shine with starlight and morphing with my excitement of patience? "And yet how many hopeless, missed moments could it have actually been, and deservedly yours, when you could proudly state: You can't love because you deserve it, and because you love it when you're a murderous flirt."

in their steam turbines they are utilized infinitely as the foolish half-gracious - only because he who is divinely known to you enjoys and flies. If you can be by your side in every eternal minute and open it together of your own free will

the sanctified sanctuary of your beating heart maps, the entrance of the golden gate - for you, the series of LIFE is still just an obvious question, but when do you count with yourself in simple, finite clarity? Your time - you know yourself well - at the moment of your birth as a timed countdown is long overdue!

But how much more independent, free, and easier would the consciousness of lonely doom be if its mortally iris-minute minutes of life were bordered by the promising immortality of Happiness? As long as you are just wasting your life on philosophical contemplations, someone will take care of your fads, your forgivable gossip, and care about you!
Richard B Shick Jul 2018
Sitting here on a beautiful day,
Dreaming how things could be.

Trying to find the words to say,
Just know I'll always be me.

With a helping hand and a listening ear,
We can sit and chat a while.

I'll take away your pain and tears,
and will always make you smile.

For you my friend are dear to me,
You will always be close to my heart.

We have always been connected,
even from the very  start.

A heart so young,warm and tender,
Beauty beyond this land,

Just know with every momment,
beside you I Will always stand.

Live
Love
Hope

Written By
Richard B Shick

written by
Richard B Shick
Spear Dec 2019
If I were to go missing or to die at any momment
my friends wouldn't miss me
I deleted messenger one day and none of my 9 friends tried to even contact me
they all had my number
6 months later one of my friends contacted me and apoligized because her phone had been broke and she just got it fixed
she told everyone assumed i was DEAD
Aperently for 6 MONTHS everyone decided i must have DIED
make sure you know who your friends are

— The End —