when he touches you is it like gold?
eyes like prying words
scalpel,
tweezers.

******* look at me when we're talking,
like the soft skin of my back
and the orange marks you drew with a gun
back when we thought it was safe.
everything was safe.
cigarettes were safe.
it doesn't make sense.

they take longer drags than they should,
but their fingers are longer.
it makes sense.

you play this instrument
so that you can tell me the things you can't express with words.
you cannot make a sound yet
you have no feelings.
it's mixy
it's a     w    or
d.

you'll just have to trust me on this one.
no matter how tired you are.

IF THIS MY GOODBYE
SO BE IT
IF YOU FIND THIS
JUST KNOW
I LOVE YOU
WHOLEHEARTEDLY
MY DECISION
MY LIFE
YOU COULDN'T STOP SHEIT IF YOU TRIED
PROBABLY WOULD HAVE MADE ME STAY ANOTHER DAY
AND MAYBE ANOTHER DAY AFTER THAT
BUT EVENTUALLY YOU WOULD HAVE GREW TIRED
AND EVENTUALLY I WOULD HAVE TOO
I NEED YOU MORE THAN EVER BEFORE
LOOKING FOR FLOWERS TO BLOOM
IN PLACES THAT NEEDED FIXING
OR I THOUGHT NEEDED FIXING
FOR THAT MATTER

I HATE IT HERE SOMETIMES
THIS PLACE IS NO PLACE FOR ME
BECAME SENSITIVE TO EVERY TOPIC
BECAME SCHIZ EVEN
WAITING FOR YOU TO COME HOME

HOME
BECAME FURTHER THEN I THOUGHT
I JUST KEPT SPIRALING
SENSITIVE BECAUSE SHEIT GOT REAL
AND TEARS STARTED FLOWING
EVER SINCE THAT CALL CAME
I BECAME DISTANT
THAT OUTER BODY EXPERIENCE
WAITING FOR YOU
TO GET BACK
FELT LIKE I ENTERED ANOTHER
DIMENSION
LOST
TRYING TO GET BACK
EVERY TIME I HELD YOU
I FELT THIS DISCONNECT
WITH BEING PRESENT
I CRIED THE LOUDEST
YET NO ONE HEARD ME
EVERYDAY
FELT MIXY
I TRUSTED YOU
GOT ME
KILLED
****
YOU GOT ME
I HOPE YOU FEEL ACCOMPLISHED
WHY ME
OVERPLAYED
LIKE AN UNRELEASED BEAT
YOU HAD NOTHING TO LOSE
I FELT PLANTED
IT WAS **** ME WHEN IT RAIN
OUTTA STATE
OUTTA MIND
FEELING BODIED
DRIVING THE BOAT
PRAYING IT DON'T SINK
PRAYING THIS RAIN DON'T LAST FOREVER
HOW IT SUNNY OUTSIDE
AND ALL I FEEL IS RAIN
DRIVING THE BOAT
YET IN OUTER SPACE
MIND SPEEDING
IF ONLY I SMOKE THAT
THERE WOULD BE A LOT OF SMOKE IN THE AIR
IF I LEAVE NOW
THERE AIN'T NO COMING BACK

WEIGHING EVERYTHING
BECAME TIRESOME
I BLAMED MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
TOOK A HOLD ON THAT SINGLE THOUGHT
I THOUGHT
FOR SO LONG
AFTER THAT

DISCONNECTED TO RECONNECT
DISCONNECT TO FEEL
RECONNECTED
YET YOU STILL LINGERED IN MY MIND
I AM LIVID FOR SPEEDING
MAYBE IF I SLOWED DOWN
YOU WOULD HAVE MISSED ME


WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE ME LIKE THIS
WHEN I FEEL LIKE I'M AT MY LOWEST
TOO WEAK
TO WANTING TO GET UP SOMETIMES
I RATHER JUST STAY HERE
FAKING THAT SMILE KNOWING THAT SHEIT
WEIGHING ON ME

FELL TOO MANY TIMES
TRYING TO GET YOU TO
COMPREHEND ME
IT BECAME TIRESOME
I MISS YOU LIKE VACATION
THIS THAT YOU NEED STOMACH FOR
THIS THAT YOU READY HOLD ON
TRYING TO HOLD ON MYSELF

TO FAST FORWARD
I FINALLY MADE IT HOME
BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG
HOME FEELS FOREIGN
HOME DON'T FEEL LIKE IT DID BEFORE
SO I'M ALWAYS OUTSIDE
TRYING TO STAY OUT MY CONSCIOUS

SMOKE THAT DRILL THIS
THIS CONSTANT FEELING OF NOTHING CHANGING
HOME SUPPOSE TO FEEL WARM
HOME SUPPOSE TO FEEL SAFE
WHERE HOME AT
WHEN YOU ALWAYS IN OUTER SPACE


NOT SUICIDAL
THIS AIN'T NO SUICIDAL NOTE
NOT SUICIDAL
JUST CURIOUS ON
THE KILLER ME
NOT SUICIDAL
I JUST MISS ME

Moisture, madness mixy make
Tendrils find and *****
Into being; stones you’ll break
Minerals be your hope

Energy do take from me
And always be my child
In this new plane, which bares my name
You’ll never be defiled

Now reach, expand all through this land
Embrace all on your way
Do not propitiate my dear
Go living as you may