I didn’t choose to be born this way
How life starts we really have no say
You know we can’t help the way we look
So don’t judge me like a cover of a book
Just because I look this way don’t defy me by it
Yeah, I maybe african-american I will not deny it
On a job application I’ll put down “black” as a race
As a dark chocolate color has covered my whole face
When I look in the mirror that’s all I’m gonna see
I’m stuck this way so I’m just gonna let that be
It don’t feel good knowing your ancestors were slaves
And how they were severly beaten when they misbehaved
I’m gonna be like this forever so I’m making the best of it
Yeah I may not find it enjoyable and I may not even love it
But this was how I was created so all I can do is deal
But you know, how I look is way different from how I feel


You won’t see me living the ghetto
Or use the word “*****” to describe my fellows
Doo-rags are okay but it’s because of my messy hair
Don’t say I’m a hoodlum even though I might not care
So what if I like jersies, that dosen’t mean I’m a ****
I’m not a typical black man, you won’t see me do drugs
Don’t need that **** to better myself
Proving myself I don’t need your help
The suburbs is the place that I wanna stay
I perfer to live like that, I don’t care what you say
I don’t want to be on the streets
‘Cause I’m not some homeless freak
You may not see me with a diamond chain
A crime-free life is what I want to maintain


Never will I sag my jeans all the way down to my knees
Unlike most folks, my boxers are not meant to be seen
I will not put shiny rims on my teeth
That’s not even close to being neat
You might see put on gangsta clothes
But not hear me go and call a girl a “**”
Or slap them on the backside making ***** calls
Won’t see me hitting up on them in the halls
Or whisper in their ear, begging them for ***
That’s really disturbing and incrediably sick
Really, how can a guy think or even be that way
Chasing after every girl they desperately crave
The city is where you usually roam
Many of you call the streets your home
Speaking in slang that I can’t actually understand
Don’t wanna be that way, that’s what’s who I am


Just because I’m part of your family dosen’t mean I wanna live like you
The streets are not my place to live so I don’t even wanna be in your shoes
I was not raised to jack people up
Don’t like how I am? too bad, tough!
I’m agaisnt gang violence and want no part in it
Never robbed and jacked someone, never done it
Coming from a black guy I know it sounds strange
But hey I’m not here to amuse, impress, or entertain
I’m just telling it like it is
It’s how I really want to live

I thank my parents for giving me a decent name
And not something obscene or anything strange
As many black names contains apostrophies
Which you know is something nobody really needs
I usually perfer proper language over ghetto slang
Knowing people talk that way is really a shame
I’m part of you but yet we speak different languages
Not all blacks speak that way, that’s the way it is
Don’t get me wrong, I really have love for all of y’all
But your behavior and actions is making me appalaud
Stealing and killing people from your own race
You think it’s funny but it’s really a big disgrace
After doing that, how can you look yourselves in the face?
Through the civil rights movement we all loved each other
Now all of you are there on the streets killing one another


For goodness sake, solve your problems through words
Not through guns, knives, or even through racial slurs
It’s really not worth all of this
All of this is making me sick
Making me ashamed to be a black man
****** in cold blood I cannot bare to stand


Okay so enough of this, so let’s move on
It’ll take me forever to describe what you did wrong
Lived a life in the suburbs so long I feel that I’ve become white
Sorry black folks but it’s really white females that I like
Been that since birth I really don’t know why
I like their eyes, their face, I really cannot lie
I’m respectful of girls of all races
Don’t take it the wrong ‘cause I like girls of all races
But I’m most likely interested in girls with white faces
I like seeing white girls go at it on MTV
Then see black chicks fight on BET
You can say hello to me and we can even be friends
But you as a lover of me I would not even recommend
A church where blacks shout out to lord is not where you’ll find me
It’s not my religion, not how I think of faith, not something I need


You may hear Biggie Smalls playing from my bedroom window
That don’t mean I’m ghetto I’m just trying to my life simple
I’ll cheer for Obama when he becomes president
But the streets will never ever be my residence
You may find me weird, you may think I’m obscene
But that’s the life I choose to live in, that’s just me

I made a move
You pushed me away
We laughed, cried, our love was decayed.
I remembered after you left, that you made me your slave.
In love no one should be in slavery, baby you misbehaved.

Brushing my hand against perfect skin.
Like water through my fingers, air on my cheek
The smell, the taste, all of her
Make me weak
I can’t speak

Outline every curve, muscle, and line
Tasting her from the sides;
then from behind
Glowing after the light isn’t shown
Wishing these ears could really hear the moan
With the drip
Down those lovely thighs
Melting into each perfect breast
And both curious eyes
Unleash, relieve her
Feel and conceive her
This soul open in front of me
An everlasting rose, quenching my thirst
It is me who wants to go first

The shoulders. Designed and perfected
Pulsing; another rose resurrected
Feeling a rhythm then feeling another
Shallow breathing, in and out of the other
Ear, nose, hand, rose
Long neck below the lips I crave
Sweet, sweet smile, a tongue misbehaved
Powerful, slick, when breathing my name
The mist from her fountain
Last night when she came

Her hands, each finger, each knuckle
Unlike a ligament, or tendons, or a bundle of veins
Touching, being touched, give, take, point, aim
So many watches, numbers on clocks
Demanding to be acknowledged, but
A trembling ****, does not cause a disorder
Or have small hands making life grow shorter
Her insides make room, my hand in her time
So slender, so delicate, constantly to remind
There’s nothing  else of this kind

Wet lips, kiss, taste, devour
Painting her picture minute after hour
Her fountain is my ***** body’s shower
Hearing her voice’s forgotten power
Her calves can hold the weight of her world
The perfect size, length, a curve when she’s curled
I feel her shiver
Imagine her skin on my skin
I deliver
My self, entirely to her pink, red rose
Deaf to her hunger for the next dripping pose
I hold her close
Feel the life in her body
Wanting to give her mine
As my eyes become cloudy

Her hair, softer than my skin can feel
Pull remembering I’m awake, it’s real
Her lips on mine, a leak then a flood on her tongue
My love and her body will keep us both young
Drenched
Lost in her waves, for this there will be no cure
I stared at her hands, wanted mine inside her
Having hers inside me
My world changes, eyes opened to see
She is free
Her body is the sun, the leaves falling from a tree
Touching me
To spread the feeling
Of the skin that is free
How sweet

Is that curve against curve,
Smoothed out by a craftman’s eyes
Each hair placed gently, each smile, each line
Like a toy, I wind and and I wind
Breaking the dam, and then some of mine
Hearing her come as my life’s wind chime

Her body. Is a connection of twists and turns
Like a map I must remember to learn
Every muscle flexes with mine
Even our sweat beads are frozen in time

She’s so cute I wanna eat her face,
like I’m high on bath salts,
she’s vegan,
but takes my tongue like a cannibal,

eat your hearts out Haters,
cut my ear off and send it to her like Van Gogh,
ear off a part of the big picture,
or rather painting we’re painting she gets the first stroke,
we’re wild like animals untamable all in all the time,
into the deep end head first Geronimo cannonball,
Black Swan dive she’s gone alive,
the Pied Piper the Eyed Viper the venom & the antidote,

and I quote a quote I wrote myself,
“She’s the answer to my prayers”, the reason and the hope,

she’s the answer to my prayers,
and I don’t even pray,
okay actually on the low I do pray,
and I’ve seen a lot of amazing things but I’m still amazed,

I’m amazed,
and tomorrow isn’t promised today,
and tomorrow never comes,
but she comes and when she does she comes in waves,

I’m in a daze,
honey glazed and lovely crazed,
my bed’s a mess haven’t made it in days,
bed’s a mess but when we’re together we’ve got it made,

so perfectly misbehaved it’s insane,

lost myself then found my self all up in her maze,
and usually I’m not religious,
but she’s so delicious I must say,
thank you Lord or God Amen to her I give all thanks & praise,

and she’s so cute I wanna eat her face,
like I’m high on bath salts,
she’s vegan,
but takes my tongue like a cannibal…

∆ Aaron LA Lux ∆

Venice, California; 2018

Love makes us selfish
Love makes us brave
Love makes us reckless
Wild and misbehaved

Love makes us kind
Love makes us good
Love makes us see
The world as it should

Love makes us thoughtless
Love makes us blind
To anything else
But the one on our minds

Love makes us careful
Love makes us scared
About things which we wouldn't
Have previously cared

Love makes us malleable
Love makes us weak
Love makes us sacrifice
Whatever it seeks

Love makes us dangerous
Love makes us strong
Love makes us realize
What is right and wrong

Love makes us answer
The knock on the door
Love makes our lives
Worth living for

There are always tells with an abuse survivor.  
My friend had a dog once that she adopted from a rescue shelter.
We do not know the home she came from before,
all we know is that she hates being left alone in a room with men,
she whimpers at loud noises, and sudden movements send her into hiding,
even now.
The first time you labelled yourself as an abuse survivor,
You felt like a sham.  
There was no tell for you,
It'd never been hell for you to relate all the terrible things that boy had done,
You forgave him.  
You preached your sins like a success story,
as if you mother had raised you with the right combination of strength and self-understanding to be immune to the world's poison,
you were sugar and spice and everything nice with just enough chemical X
to make girls wanna be like you.

The second time you called yourself abuse survivor,  
you realized just how unbroken you were.
You smiled and laughed and loved without hesitation. Broken glasses don't send you into a pit of despair, you don't flinch when you hear his name.
You don't even miss him.

So who do you think you are?
You, the one who started the fights,
you were the one who left him.
And everyone knows abusers don't have hearts to break.  
The boy doesn't smile anymore.  

So you stopped calling yourself survivor.
Corrected others as they told the stories of grander,
demanded everyone admit the demonic part you had to play,
you monster, you beast, you manipulative liar.
You are no survivor.

A twisted sister with no bruises or scars, who stopped saying no and pushed back doesn't sound like a sob story to me,
a strong enough spine to walk no matter how long it took doesn't sound like recovery to me,
a girl looking for an audience's attention doesn't sound like a grown woman to me.  


You are nothing but a misbehaved dog, so let them call you *****.
Roll over and beg for the forgiveness you do not deserve.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

The first time the new one called you survivor,
You were lying on the bathroom floor shouting apologies from beneath a veil of hair.
He picked you up and wiped the tears from you eyes.
Told you, it’s okay.  
It wasn't.
But it will be.

mark of cain in my hemoglobin, i'm more open to repast on brains.
to dine on flesh enmeshed in baseball parks and homes restrained
by greed of the same. and the cry of the people takes great pains
to refine the message of a blank stare. a blemish, stark with catacombs
disarranged in harm honey. the ogre of pine. the amber pane
where we bleed. we name nameless, by the by,
to the finish.
but not
alone.

up your petticoat with my blind cleaver. my Occam razor to your stain.
a fine mess express in hateful art and boneless jade
we feed on the frame of our reference. skylarking harmonious curves dismayed
by their own mind. they confess it. at the statefair. replenished, they knish in falderal
disengaged from honesty. the poker blind. where the eye staid.
where we need. we need most ... tell ya why.....
to diminish
but not
atone.

and so it goes. i erode the continent. sneaky pete in the crease of all strange.
itchy feet. maimed in false lies of the ripple. made fake
to real love. unclaimed. a gangly part of broken promises made
we retreat at last. with our last mimes. we undress. with savoir faire. distinguished in our dashery
ill fated. calamity's bark. hard to define. where the mind misbehaved.
we're complete most where the hole resides...
to imprison
but not
hold.

Two poems got away last night when I was dozing
bolted out the door
before I knew it
laughing like fools
Stole my last two beers
and they were gone

“Ya see, officer,
They didn't have their names yet
so they don't know themselves at all
or to answer if I call
They misbehaved and
Never learned there's rules out there
I'm a lousy poet parent, yeah,
I know
I shoulda been tougher on 'em
Half their words 'er scattered
twisted, misspelled, unreadable, inept
with rhythms all askew 'n weighted wrong

They will surely fall over their own lines
and into big ****-trouble
***** little scribbles!
sorta clumsy like their mother"

Meanwhile, the grammar cop is thinking,
“They do not pay me enough for this!
I'm looking for children of the village idiot and a *****”

"...Across the yard and down the alley
They must've run
Hopin' they didn't figure out the stick
on the Toyota

I'll never see 'em again
Pretty sure they got my keys"

The cop is nodding, bored, polite
but I notice
He's written all this down

In the dining room, on the wall
were pictures of times past-
Of aunts and uncles, and some curios-
memories, that will, forever last-

One item hung in silence-
a product of those olden days-
Called into service-
when respect for others-often went astray

I remember what my father said
when I asked what 'that' was for-
and a slight grin crossed his face-
"Ahh, yes, I recall it, that's for sure!"

"That's a leather strop", he said -
"to hone a razor, when we shaved-
It was also a "learning tool"-
when we, as kids, misbehaved."

My dad was from the "old school"
when "respect" was being taught
Not by others, but by our parents
else our purpose..........
"Went for naught!"

richard riddle: 11.10.2015

1.
There once was a couple of cats
Who engaged in continuous spats.
          The result was a tie
          When each scratched out an eye –
An old-Biblical *** for a tat!

The cats awoke bleeding and weak
And half-seeing the havoc they'd wreaked
          They discarded their clothes,
          Their backsides to expose –
A new-Biblical turning of cheek!

2.
There once was a man, oh so brave,
Who would sleep in a hole, called a grave ...
          Well, he being the host
          To so many a ghost,
He arranged a big bash, called a rave

3.
In days of Neanderthal knaves
When the men ruled like kings in their caves
          And not being too keen
          About keeping them clean ...
Often took on some wives, called them slaves

4.
There once was a man with a stave
Overseeing a holy enclave ...
          Well, maintaining a grin
          While absolving the sin,
He assessed wicked tales and forgave

5.
There once was a monk with a wave
Who desired a head with a shave ...
          Well, the barber was such
          That she cut back too much
Thereby leaving his globus concave

6.
There once was a man in the nave,
Although pious he could not behave ...
          But they paid him no mind,
          ’Cause his name was maligned,
Being simply a sinner to save

7.
There once was a man quite depraved
A voluptuous life was thus craved ...
          Well, continuous sin
          Ended doing him in –
On his tombstone they carved ‘Misbehaved’

8.
Antoine is a Vampire Ghoul,
Quite barbaric, bloodthirsty and cruel,
          With a fang in your throat
          He’ll **** slowly and gloat
With a smile as you whimper and mewl.

9.
There once was a raven haired Shrink
Who had orange Juice Tequilas to drink.
          Well her scarlet souled Beau
          ****** her tinted red Toe
And she paled when he tickled her Pink.

10.
There once was a travelling sage
Who yet lived to a very old age.
          Well, becoming quite senile,
          With problems (yes, ******),
He packed his wee trunk in a rage.

11.
There once was a Nun and a Druid
Exchanging some ****** fluid,
          When along strode the Father
          Who heard all the bother,
Lost stickum while coming  unglu..ed.

He called me his little good girl:
it was less of a compliment, more a command
that if I did not follow every order,
he would tell on us. I had to walk with his limp
so he would not derail my secrets, make

my boyfriend mad. It only worked because
I was acting like a bad, bad girl
with someone old enough to be my dad.

I remembered he could put a gun
down my throat if I misbehaved or wore a skirt
too long or too short, too pink or too black
or if I seemed too happy or too sad –
good girls have no emotions, just let men take

their breath away. I panted under my sheets
and I came to the thought once,
soon after, this man, he made me bleed.

Mark of Cain in my hemoglobin, i'm more open to repast on brains.
to dine on flesh enmeshed in baseball parks and homes restrained
by greed of the same. and the cry of the people takes great pains
to refine the message of a blank stare. a blemish, stark with catacombs
disarranged in harm honey. the ogre of pine. the amber pane
where we bleed. we name nameless, by the by,
to the finish.
but not
alone.

up your petticoat with my blind cleaver. my Occam razor to your stain.
a fine mess express in hateful art and boneless jade
we feed on the frame of our reference. skylarking harmonious curves dismayed
by their own mind. they confess it. at the statefair. replenished, they knish in falderal
disengaged from honesty. the poker blind. where the eye staid.
where we need. we need most ... tell ya why.....
to diminish
but not
atone.

and so it goes. i erode the continent. sneaky pete in the crease of all strange.
itchy feet. maimed in false lies of the ripple. made fake
to real love. unclaimed. a gangly part of broken promises made
we retreat at last. with our last mimes. we undress. with savoir faire. distinguished in our dashery
ill fated. calamity's bark. hard to define. where the mind misbehaved.
we're complete most where the hole resides...
to imprison
but not
hold.

These agitated periods of sleep-speech were mercifully brief.
And when they ended she would subside for a time, sweating and panting as if,
Into a state of dreamless exhaustion
Then abruptly she would awake
Convinced in her disoriented state,
There was an intruder in her head.
There was no intruder.
The intruder was absence
A negative space in the darkness
All was lost to her, like paradise.
Like Kashmir
In a time before memory.
Trapped in this city
She had lashed out in despair.

In such a city there can be no grey areas
Or so it seemed.
Things were what they were
And nothing else.
Unambiguous,
Lacking the subtleties of drizzle, shade, and chill.

Under the scrutiny of such a sun
There is no place she can hide.
No mysteries here, or depths;
Only surfaces and lies
Yet to learn the city was to discover illusion.
This banal clarity was nothing more then, nothing.
The city was all treachery, and deception, all the same
A quick change, quicksand metropolis.
Hiding its true nature from those staring at its name.
Pretending to be content
Guarded in secret
In spite of all its apparent nakedness and bleakness.

In such a place, even the forces of destruction no longer needed the shelter of the dark.
She burned out of the morning’s brightness, dazzling the eye and stabbed me with sharp and fatal light
Loveless, and blind
Born in the midst of the firestorm of courage.
Twisted and ruined.
The lands of possibility misbehaved.

A dishonest nursery
The blueness rich with sorrow, which filled the evening sky
That made the world look childlike and pure. Such an unnatural disguise.

I remember the pain
and remember the tears
that evil man caused me
for all those years

I remember the hurt
I remember his hands
as he whispered 
and I followed demands

I closed my eyes 
as I fought away tears
I laid still and kept quiet
for all those years

He loves me, I know it,
this couldn't be bad
He took full advantage 
of the trust I had

I kept all our secrets,
I had no choice
He'd ripped open my chest
and stolen my voice

I was reminded again
after every assault
that what happened
was conpletely my fault

I had been bad,
had misbehaved
from the wrath of my mother
I was being saved

He tried to tell me
she was evil and mean 
But the real devil, 
I had already seen

His lies never fooled me,
with mom I was safe
She was my only hope
and my only escape

Our relationship has always been bumpy,
harboring nothing more than hatred and discontent
towards one another.
A part of me held hope that things would get better
between you and I,
between mother and son,
but
    the words
          you said
              that day...

"That's your problem - always asking why. You need to stop asking questions all the time, and just do what your told."

In that moment
I knew
that all hope was lost,
for your son is a wonderer
and will never stop wondering.
Until you understand that,
I guess you'll always consider me a misbehaved brat.

They gathered together that night
Around the table beneath the moonlight
Five witches of the highest order
Plotting the demise of the sisters of light

With couldrens burning and potions making
The witches cackled and screamed
For tonight they will pay
The good sisters we slay and darkness shall be queen

Bluebells bent and swayed in the
Light which they bathed
Of the good sisters of the day
Whom life meant right was right
And there was no night
Only sunshine forever they prayed

As the wind gathered it's pace
They knew the witches misbehaved
So a spell of good love
Was made in a rush to turn all the hatred away

When the two coverns did meet
Spells fell at the feet of witches and angels alike
And when the light and the dark
Clashed in a screaming of barks
The dust settled and then

It seemed neither could win
And light wouldn't sin
And darkness couldn't feel light
So they both went away
Promised to stay
At opposite ends of the day

So that's why we have day and night

All my life I've been told
How to act and how to think
What to do and who to be

"Don't use those words"
"Don't stay out late"
"You should have fun!
Just not that way"
"Keep your grades up"
"Keep your laugh down"
"But whoever told you
you should frown?"

I've always been good
I did as I was told
I never misbehaved
But now I'm growing old
My youth is passing by me
And how have I spent it?
Obedient - I'm seeing it
Never the miscreant
But always the misfit

"Don't talk back"
"Don't disagree"
Can't you see
your words are hurting me?
"Honey, I always wanted the best for you"
Then why don't you let my real self
shine on through?

Never had any friends
and you ask me why?
How am I supposed to blend
when you never even let me try?
But that doesn't matter
it's not what I want
What I want is out there
and you keep me locked up
But it all ends now
though you still ask how -
how did this happen?
Why did I change?
Well now I'm here to tell you
I broke out from my cage
All these
Obligations
Frustrations
Condemnations
Aggravations
Your fixations
and my deprivations
They're done now cause can't you see?
From this day on
I'm doing me.

Betrayed, O to be betrayed,
A once betrothed and now misbehaved.
Misdeemed and misdeeds creeping upon me,
Fighting for friends now uncertainly,

Walking own a bent path,
Finding less and less are on task,
More would rather hang out back,
And what's a man to do in a world like that?

What started as a fellowship,
Now ends in dismemberment,
And the lonely feeling sinks in,
And the friends become foes, at the turn of a pen.

Setting my up for failure,
Jealous, or unsure,
I wish I cared anymore,
But that time has long since gone ashore...

And so as I look into the sea,
Something as dark, desolate, and as desperate as me.
I add a few more salty tears to its salty depths,
In hopes that this feeling of apathy will be ceased.
But I think a part of me knows,
Long before any more blows,
That this is the Real World,
And there is little time now for woe.

By: David W. Clare

The head master teacher preaches to us hen house school
Kid chickens...

We must be brave, we are scolded if misbehaved...

The chicken lady teacher pecks away, makes us lay our eggs and
do more homework...

The class clown jokes around doesn't care about his scores!

History teaches us vicariously what brave roosters did before us kids were hatched...

Like eggs that are matched we must learn to fly from the nest even tho we can't

Let's chant and pray that our farm school house will let us not stray away...

(C) In perpetuity all rights reserved
(P) FilmNoirWorks

--

In the hour of chaos we belong;
chaotic good people right?
Misbehaved Spectrum disorder
transitioning during breath
and sigh, as we fight too evil.
Burning, over turning squad cars
in fat-tail distributions,
retribution on lawful evil,
ordered and repressed love at
tender protest mass.

I had a dream about a mask
It was terrifying.
The mask, I mean
I don't remember much about the dream.
The masked man ran around,
Tearing through town,
Taking vengeance on those that had cut him down

Everyone knew he wouldn't
Couldn't
Maim another
Because though through his mask
He became another
He was still a person
Just a person with his soul scared silent
His spirit sealed shut

His mask's mouth was sewn up
Like a doll that had misbehaved,
Said,
"I love you"
"You're my best friend"
Without having its string pulled to say it

The man,
Or rather the mask,
Was chasing a group of kids
Who had threatened a girl
That was very dear to him.
He pinned them down but couldn't speak,
So he bit off his own lips

Suddenly his speech wasn't deformed
And his vendetta didn't matter anymore
He threw himself to the floor and
He wept
He wept tears of unfathomable joy.

Then I woke up
Knowing as I gasped for air
That the dream had passed.
But when I reached up to my face,
I could still feel that mask.
So I started,
Layer by layer,
To peel it back.

captured in the psych ward, the man treating a cool kid like a man



you see today was a bad day, when ronald cumpton decided to rebel against his father

for hitting him and stuff when he was young, but the voices in his head made him act

like an old fogie, with the main voice saying, your brother, well he is a kid, you are a man

to a fight Ronald, and we don’t like you anymore and if anyone tried to protect Ronald, they will

tell his mates and brother to just be a kid, so we can bash up Ronald and treat him like a shy man

who can’t do anything, and one man called Ronald a great big ugly snout and another man bullied

Ronald so bad, he felt like being a kid and then the voice came back to his head, Ronald you are still

a man to a fight and your friends and brother are still kids, and we will keep you from being a kid, even if

we could do it religiously and this made Ronald very angry and his mates were saying we ain’t doing anything

and Ronald said someone is teasing me and when i find out the truth i will bash them senseless and the

voices made Ronald think he was a cool young dude sitting over the kids and Ronalds father said we need to

give this boy medication to Ronald  to calm him down but they weren’t really into giving him medication, and

ronald told his dad to ******* and when his father laughed at him like a kid, Ronald yelled at him like a robber

would if they were going to rob him and  this became to much for mr cumpton to understand and he called the police in

to calm him down and Ronald said, you are fucken causing my voices to be violent, and you are causing my voices

to make me look like a ****** and you are the man saying i ain’t a kid, i am a man to a fight, and i am getting fought

by every man in the mall, and i hate it, all i want to do is be a normal young dude, who parties and has a bi of fun and

you are taking it away from me and i need to yell at you and these pigs are not going to lock me away, ok, and then

the voices decided to stop, because the police took ronald to the HDU, where these voices went haywire saying you are

locked away with Ron Cooper because you are a bad boy, and then the men’s voices came into the doctor saying be like a man

and then told his mates to be kids because they haven’t put a foot wrong, and then the forces of evil started to push down on

Ronald’s knee, making it very itchy and Ron gave him some cream to put on it every day, but Ronald said, it’s not a disease it is

the force trying to get me, and i am Don Lane and I am Darly Somers and they are both men of the world and my brother is a wimpy kid

because he ran into his bedroom and i stayed there fighting my dad, and Ron gave Ronald some Largactil, like about 100mg and hopefully

this would calm the voices and say, your dad treated you like a kid he said and if he treated you like a man, he probably thought you were a

grown up and not as misbehaved as a normal kid, and Ronald said, i was getting bashed at the mall and they told the kids to be kids and said

to me not to be a kid because i am not a kid, and Ron said, ok, did you do anything to enforce this and Ronald said, well i did tease them but

i wasn’t in the mood to be a quiet family person, i wanted to be a rebel, i still do, and if i take this medication i will stop taking this medication when

i get free, because as i told my parents, there is nothing wrong with me, and i will put you up for discrimination if you keep me here any longer than

i need and Ron said is there anything that can make you take this medication, and he said, get inside my head and get the bad voices out of my head

because i was a cool kid when i was young and i think cool is the way to go, and I know i am an adult now, but i feel the medication takes my cool away

and i don’t want to take it and the men who teased m me knew i was suffering and sat there saying, ahhh you are still getting teased Ronald and Ron brought out the

inmates dinner and said to Ronald, we want you to stop hitting your parents, and we think we need to give you medication to explain those men who bullied and teased you

are just human beings, everybody is a human being and we have feelings and your starting to hurt your parents feelings when you yell at them when they are trying to help you

and Ronald noticed a knife on the table and said to Ron that he was going to **** him then and there and Ron  reached in and got the knife off Ronald and said eat your meal in you room and

then  in half an hour Ron brought his medication to him and stayed there till they take it and the men said, you just stay in there Ronald because your father mother and brother and your friends are

all kids and you are a man to a tease or fight unless you begin to behave yourself and Ronald told Ron and he said, well i don’t think you are ready to go out if you think those voices are real

because nobody is giving you an itchy leg and nobody makes you hit your father, nobody is m treating you like a fighting man, and while you still think these voices are real,

you need to be in here and we will look after you, if you want to be a kid, be a kid, but remember you probably prefer to be a fighting man, and the voices are doing that because

Ronald, you are just about as messed up as everyone here, and after saying that Ron left Ronald and clocked off and bought chinese food and went home to watch youtube

because he wanted to learn more about what was causing these crazy voices, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz you are still getting teased Ronald heard all night and the next morning

he told Ron all about this and Ron gave him 100mg of largactil to calm them down and then he told Ronald to calm down because the nurses said you were making noise at night

and Ronald said the reason why was because i was hearing voices saying, your family are still kids and you are still a man to a fight, and then the fighting men put an itch in Ronalds leg saying

you will never be a kid, buddy, NEVER

I'm like your little teddy bear, you
dragged me around whenever I was
needed. Now I'm not, I'm hidden from
your sight. When something wasn't right

you held me, cried and told the tales.

I'm like the pet dog you had for a while
we would walk and run, mile after mile,
when done, you'd talk about a girl of somewhere
I don't know. Now you're on vacation.

I feel like the lice that needed your hair and then you shaved.
Or more like the used tissue when you watched a movie about charlie.
I'm like the old and rusty bike after the cyclist bought a harley.
Or the surfboard and the flagpole and the kitten you saved.
I could think I misbehaved or craved
too much attention.
Sightless pozzo, I'm your lucky. How unfortunate my fear is greater.

I'd listen all the time and open up, tell a rhyme and fill a cup
with sublime wines from another country.

I used to be quiet, did not feel the need to share,
now I'm bursting with emotions, places where
my mind can rest, should have been with you,
somewhere in a cosy nest.

This lousy world with lousy people, lousy conversations,
lousy remarks and lousy relations,
stop this pain, end it now, or save my life and renew a vow
of dedication.

She was broke & had no folks.
He never says any funny jokes.
A drunk scavenging for junk.
I have a hatchback not a trunk.
A foul stench of funk.
Robbed by some punk.
A resort never reports escorts.
They don't dispute petitions in court.
A feud with people sued.
Abortions are fetal extortion.
A security guard trys to act all hard.
Civil service makes me nervous.
The summer could've been more funner.
Starstruck celebrity hype.
Articles magazines can type.
Gossip to thee extreme.
CELEBRITY schemes & scandals.
Misbehaved & manhandled.
Images & looks to copy & swipe.
Identities to wipe.
Fortune & Fame that is not yet ripe.

She told her to compromise in hard times,
She told her to zip her mouth and never argue
She told her to do what he ordered
She told her to stay quite when he misbehaved
She told her not to shed tears when he raises his hand on you
She told her never complaint about anything
She told her to stay strong no matter what happens
She told her to make home comfortable for him
She did everything !
Still he raised his hand,
still he misbehaved still he abused her
Who was responsible for her life ?
Who was responsible for the blue marks on her face ?
The monster ? Or her Mother ?

There's a truly odd concept that we always think of
What is this bizarre thing that we call "love"?
It's different for me than it may be for you
Varying from upbringing, and all our points of view
It's up to each of us to decide which way is true

If your mother never loved you, you might not know how to care
You may think that loving someone means that you don't want them there
If your boyfriend used to **** you, it may be hard for you to trust
And if your best friend stole your stuff and sold it all for angel dust
People like me, love just isn't for us

Perhaps you'll find someone who's charming and sweet
Who's handsome and sweeps your right off of your feet
But then you'll find out it was all just a joke
That his friends paid him off from the first time he spoke
And your trust fades away on the wind with your smoke

Love is a *******, misbehaved little boy
Designed to bring pain and programmed to destroy
So why do I bother even playing this game?
I'll never win any prize but tears and shame
So my brain remains empty, and my heart does the same

I am not made of miracles or borrowed prayers.
There is no magic in my bones or mysticism to my name.
I am made of sweat,
Of salt stains on flushed cheeks.
I am made of blood smears
And too much hand lotion.
I am made of toil and trouble,
Of mistakes and rectification.
I am composed of ink and paper,
Of ill-remembered idioms and words I've absorbed from books.
My existence is fueled by a certain brand of sock,
A teddy bear given to me at birth,
And a desire to prove that I was more than what they told me
That I could be greater than what I thought of myself.
I am made of laughter and twisted humor,
Of Murphy's law and learning to conserve energy and care.
I am made of misbehaved neurotransmitters and wild thoughts.
I have a love of the night sky and swimming in cool waters.
My soul steeped in the desire to frolic and eat sweets.
I wear scars that prove I have suffered and earn me judgement,
But I have survived a world and brain designed to be my unbecoming
Not because I'm made of miracle or magic or prayers.
I survived because I'm made of attitude, resolve, resilience,
And a thirst to prove that I can.
Most importantly,
There always seems to be a flicker of something that promises me
That even in my worst moment, I should continue to live.

So I sit
Writing to you and all that you are
Wondering why
we ever plunged this far
Wondering why
your soul haunts my dreams
Wondering what
it was to make us choose this scheme
And I'm sitting
Wondering why
our stars crossed like this
Wondering what
cancer has eaten your brain
Wondering what
virus has plagued
Wondering what
spirit has misbehaved
**Why couldn't we be saved?

He is a creature of the night
lives deep inside your closet
comes out after midnight
have you not heard the gossip?

he is coming for me
that's how the rumor has it
he is coming for you
so we both have to face it

we haven't been good
today we misbehaved
mom and dad are asleep
and we can't be saved

i won't let go of you, sister
i know that you are scared
they say he is so sinister
our lives won't be spared!

don't let go of my hand,
don't let go of me brother!
i got you, little sister
lets get under the cover

wait! do you hear that noise,
is it water drops from the faucet?
can you check under the bed,
are you sure you locked the closet?

-lets take turns sleeping
-i think that idea is good
we can't both fall asleep
-you go first, -no! you should!

there must be a way
we must find a way to cope
all that's left is a prayer
all we can do is hope...

wait, yes, i think i got it!
they both did it so quick!
little hands reached out,
the light switch went - click!

My past, threaded with love,
Both good vibes, also so painful.
That pain, it wrinkles the soul,
Draws attention, refuses to yield,
Resists any attempts to flatten,
So I tried dropping it, dumping.
That worked, for a little while,
Until cringe moments crept back.
We all have them, who have lived,
We who have loved with hot fever.
Why is letting go the hardest part?
Not because we want to keep, no,
Because we want rid, want to shed.
Maybe because we enjoy the pain,
Secretly, a small part pleads guilty.
When we think we have accepted,
Released the pain of the past, in time,
It suddenly rises up, slams into us,
So cruelly hard that we are shocked.
Only way, keep on dumping, do it,
Keep on rising, cherishing the now,
Continue loving in the present, yes,
Send those memories a message,
We are done, bad times, surely done.
I made mistakes, I misbehaved, yes.
It is love, for crying out loud: love!
Not some factual analysis, but love!
Do not punish us anymore, never,
For we are guiltless when in love,
For we never had any choice: none.
Love is like that; it is: it surely is.

©Paul M Chafer 2015

He came over over to my house
Soaked up toxins like a sponge
A drunken drive that took an hour
I love him
for coming back to me.
Muffled "Darling" in the morning through
a mouth full of slanderous deception
He brushed my hand
He held it in mine
I stroked his back and traced his shoulder blades
We behaved like the lovers we are
and misbehaved like the children we are
and it was summer rain
and he told me he liked
just lying next to me
and being in the same room
I love him (whatever the **** that means)

A millisecond later
He told me he has someone else
He told me he hopes I **** myself
"I hope you **** yourself"
"I hope you **** yourself"
"I hope you **** yourself"
"I hope you **** yourself"
Maybe I will
but it won't be because of him
He doesn't deserve the satisfaction
of being the reason
why I hope I **** myself

*"A little encouragement for the morning. I have a feeling you'll need it. [He] has stolen enough of your life and energy. This is the time when you become strong and take charge. No more will you suffer emotional damage spewed from him. You're bigger, and stronger than that, even if you don't know it. You are done. Forever. No more. He's gone; erased. You are free."

He came over over to my house
Soaked up toxins like a sponge
A drunken drive that took an hour
I love him
for coming back to me.
Muffled "Darling" in the morning through
a mouth full of slanderous deception
He brushed my hand
He held it in mine
I stroked his back and traced his shoulder blades
We behaved like the lovers we are
and misbehaved like the children we are
and it was summer rain
and he told me he liked
just lying next to me
and being in the same room
I love him (whatever the **** that means)

A millisecond later
He told me he has someone else
He told me he hopes I **** myself
"I hope you **** yourself"
"I hope you **** yourself"
"I hope you **** yourself"
"I hope you **** yourself"
Maybe I will
but it won't be because of him
He doesn't deserve the satisfaction
of being the reason
why I hope I **** myself

*"A little encouragement for the morning. I have a feeling you'll need it. [He] has stolen enough of your life and energy. This is the time when you become strong and take charge. No more will you suffer emotional damage spewed from him. You're bigger, and stronger than that, even if you don't know it. You are done. Forever. No more. He's gone; erased. You are free."

I love the way you laugh cheekily through your lungs like a young child visiting the park for the first time in Autumn

I hate the way you laugh squeakily through your intoxicated lungs like a misbehaved child harassing other children at the park in Winter

I love the way you walk with a spring of contentedness oblivious to the despair surrounding you

I hate the way you walk with a spring of arrogance not caring about anybody inferior

I love the way your dimples appear as storms as your smile spreads across your face resembling the ocean

I hate the way your crooked dimples attack your bitter teeth like daggers

I love the way you talk so passionately about nothing that matters at all, something so insignificant

I hate the way you talk so ignorantly about everything that doesn't matter in the slightest

I love the way you analyse things with such interrogation and adventure like the youth hunting for their Christmas presents early

I hate the way you over-analyse situations that are not linked to you in any way

I love you

I hate you

**I hate the way I really ******* love you