This isn't a poem

But one huge ******* for not being there when I need you, but crawl to me when you're at your lowest.

Stupid. Foolish. Idiotic.
Only a few words to describe how I feel
When I open up my feelings to you
Because of course know you won't care
Even when you ******* say that you do
You just make me more mad
I don't like who I am when you are invlolved anymore
This just makes things worse

And although you'll never know these things
I hope one day you'll stumble upon this and maybe even for a **** MILISECOND think that this could be about you.  

I know I don't deserve this
But what the hell do I deserve at this point really.
This is so stupid. I should be focused on better things.

The whole universe paused
Oh Jeune Homme,
What have you done?

Your eyes reflected a picture
of how Proxima Centauri held its feeling no longer;
It exploded!
Into trillion heaps of wonders
it shattered
And it seemed like the sky is falling
That even the earth stood still wondering
But why did you not flinch at all?

Though on your chest I felt the great vibration
Of Mount Vesuvius fulminating once again;
Getting rid of all its innards and pain
As if trying to turn us into ashes
And for that my heart beat races

But you were smiling instead-
looking at me in the eyes and said
"Not a single mountain had erupted,
and not a single star had exploded.
Jeune fille, you're just in love."

-8/4/19-

There are instances of my brain exploding into millions of rubbery blobs of mush.
Sometimes my mind leaks through miniscule cracks in my skull
caused by incredulousness, or intensity,
or a milisecond of  thought that traveled far too close to the realm of insanity.
Blessed be he who can not think, for he can not feel frustrated.
He will not try, or object to the rules of laws of that which is taken for granted,
claimed to be known as fact
even though we all can see it's *******.
Once, I even died a little bit, seeing a bird floating in the sky,
because it was just too magnificent and startling a phenomenon to be handled lightly:
these miracles of nature that don't require formal lessons or user manuals printed in multiple languages.
Blow my mind, **** it real good and share a cig afterwards.
My cranium can handle enough
but not all
and it prefers the experience
of profound enlightenment.

I felt like a scotch tape stretch screech screaming out to hang pictures of tigers teeth

[Teeth dripping of the colorful swirling primordial ooze that is forming and foaming in the corners of your mouth.]

A slightly sickening substance you don't perceive as gathering worries reminding you saliva leaves a maniacal residue

[A film of acidic copper coats your mouth as the tension in your mandible builds with each passing milisecond relieved by jagged popping motions, but if only for a moment as your hands melt into the carpet making a pool of creamy peach nothingness, but if only for a moment.]

The ripple relief is tension relieved yet a remix of images perceived as water washing over eyes cleansing and clearing obscurity but still obstructive and obtuse overwhelming

[The filter is flipped off,conscious activity roams free as if it were a rain dance of visual, tactile exploration of serotonin amongst limitless creativity. Never ending like the far reaches of space but just as tiny as a molecule.]

A never ending meandering mingle of the mind with minuscule details coming to life and finding a force unlike anything you've climbed, realizing the mountain of motion and the commotion of sparked senses is a let loose expression of deep down inner desire

[Teasing its way to the surface and tingling under skin like ants in an endless procession of drone servitude. Consume, ****, die. And realizing the meaning of it all, the sole driving forces of life is *** and death.]

An endless one by one two by two march in line behind other droids digging lines in the sands of time again and again obeying their inner desire design by the man with the magnifying glass in the sky. And all we can ask is why don't we just be us, ourselves and fly saying **** the confinements of our meaningless antennae lives we have wings and all we must do is express it in jumping and believing in flight

We are butterfly's and birds feeling wings we once thought worthless and it's because of this substance stance we are taking and the dance we are waltzing that we get to have this enlightening experience

The reflection from my radio -
the flying planes.
My heart races and my eyes flicker
from horizon to endless sky.
Searching for that trail of hope,
searching.

Despondent fingers break the
key from ignition.
In the milisecond of darkness I capture
fear - exhilirating.

The door is already open, the dome
light shatters over my ghost of
understanding. I capture fear -
inhibiting.

And my feet touch the ground.

Yesterday the ever-present dead trees that lined my childhood road
Decended deep into the stream,
Killed a woman
One soul
Smashed deep against the windshield
And with drops of coconut blood
And leftover grocery lists
And sunken perfume

How could it be like this?

But man
What a way to go
A funeral procession of thousands
Stopped for miles
Wondering
What could you have been?

Your ten-milisecond
Moment of fame
And the hours after you cease to know
Like the most
unfortunate poet
They saw you for what you were
And wondered...

It was you
God chose you
And brought you home with the gleaming face
Of a modern-day
natural
Valkyrie

I went the back way that day
After becoming impatient for an exit
Ironic
Really
And so I guess you came into my mind
Absently
Knowing that every plaque in the continental
Artery
Is you acting a little bit too quickly
So I looked you up on the phone
And said thanks
For whatever you did
As a soul
Here and back again
Unexpected.

BOOM.
and everything was gone-
faster than a bee sting.

In and out in a milisecond.

And there's nothing we can do about it.