See ; lately I've been counting my blessings but my blessings coming in less and . Now it seem like my life consists of the stresses and the messes cause nobody gives a **** about the **** I need to get up off my chest and . It's amazing to me , how niggahs be around but they don't care to see that life that I'm loving just ain't for me and I'm trying to do better but the devil keep persuading me , to turn away from the light and not to do what's right. And I been tryna fight to keep good goals in sight but doing what's right just don't feel right ; now it's time for lighting the blunts and tipping the bottles cause all of this **** helps me blank out my sorrows . No time to think , no time to dream . Just floating in and out of consciousness is what I need . & I know I'm hurting myself , but how does a ****** like me step up to get help . Se cause the clock is ticking and with it my life is going minute by minute . And you see this self destruction ; all the drinking and all the cursing & you laugh like it's a joke cause really , my feelings mean nothing . But secretly a ****** like me wants someone special to see that I'm slowly dying inside and with it screaming please help me . Reaching for the top but it feel like never ever touching it , need a helping hand on my back but these niggahs not offering . Army of one since day one & I understand that , but what's wrong with having a couple extra people to look at the side I'm not staring at ? Claiming you my homie but I'm really like "who dat?" Cause when I was popping these bottles you was by my side but when I had no one and no options you wasn't down to ride ? Saying we family ; nah son , I ain't got that . What I need is a hug and some support ; someone to encourage me when I'm down and out & it's clear your not the niggahs who's gonna do that . How is it that every night I have to fight to stay alive when I'm supposed to have all these niggahs by my side . Looking at the mirror and I'm staring at the enemy ; y'all mfs don't know what it's like to be a true friend to me . Heavy *** feeling with my heavy *** heart , tryna suppress them with this constant fuckery , open up the ***** and watch what it does to me . Aha , get it ? Fuckery ? In and out , in and out , I'm thinking that's a good start . Cause that's a moment of bliss that helps me suppress all them problems at heart . Keep your head up ; don't do that , better yourself they say . Your better then that , I love you , you have to be the one to make a change . And I try yo appreciate my supposed ride or dies , but all they want for me is to continue to shine . Continue to shine ? That's good they say . But not when it's only because they want to continue to sit in the backdrop that my spotlight shines they way . Y'all think that I don't know what your up to ? Aha , trust that I know . Wana know a secret ; something I know that you don't ? The only reason your around ; is that if I might make it & I say might cause it's like life has made it it's personal mission to take my fight , but if I might make it , I can take my spotlight the other way and leave you there to stay . So I continue to take it day by day , praying that god give me the strength to keep this pain at bay . And if my praying is I'm vain & nothing in my life begins to change . I might just have to entertain , the idea of making this pain go away .

I always play tough,
That's how I have to be,
I can't give these mfs the satisfaction from when they played with me,

My mama always told me,
To never let them see that side of you,
Don't let them get to you,
They'll  abuse you and use you,
And
They'll walk away,
Knowingly bruising you,
It always take that one time,
*Don't let it be two...

For give me mothers if I take another son away
The ***** shouldn't a tested if my ****** wouldn't spray the K
2 the face
2 the point
Hollows in yo temple *****
Leave 2 dents in yo face like some dimples *****
+
Ugh
+
The devil told me that I'm coldblooded
Semi stoic look on my face n these hoes love it
Ain't got it on me when they shoot imma road run it
Never put trust n no ***** cuz these hoes covet
+
Ugh
+
Im like the black mclovin
Wit a wrap sheet 4 days
Tell yo mans cuz he shovin
N if low keep pushing imma have 2 start bussin
'Nother dumb ***** dead in the streets over nothing
Agh
+
My mama say that idk about the struggle but she don't know half if the **** a ***** toggle wit
+
She only know about a 5th of the **** I did
+
N if she knew me she would call me the apocalypse
+
Cuz I done did mo dirt then a Lil bit
+
N if this rapping don't crack imma cop a brick
+
These ****** say they were its at but the fulla ****
+
Cuz we the only mfs really taking risk
+
When I was 17 I ****** a ***** n she was 30
+
They call it statutory **** but I was hella flirty
+
I know some ****** out south that'll do u *****
+
Razor blade 2 yo face like that ***** birdie
+
Ugh
+
I gotcho sis on my lap
N yo fix in a sack
Text books on my back
Imma lowlife pirate I ain't even gotta act
N my ****** on attack
Lowlife just relax
Ugh
1+2

N I mean that ****
I was blind 2 it all now I c that ****
Imma show u mufuckaz that u can get rich
If yo friends turn 2 opps n yo main chick flip
Ugh
+

Learned more from this pain than i ever did from a church.
Listening to your gut but make sure you detox it first.
**** be killin me softly, leave me in a Hearse,
Never a good thing when i hear from you first.
Be careful what you see,
even salt look like sugar,
Maturity is not throwing salt when you know you could've,
And not smackin ******* when you know you should've.
People Be like "oh i miss you"
**** i miss me too.
Had to use these teflon tissues to get me thru,
You not alone, **** i wanna be with me too,
Deadass On some days , smiles were too good to be true.
I be business minded when i be minding my business.
And ****** be ******* and ******* be on some ***** ****.
Overcame this novocain,
Recasted the impression of depression,
Ring around the rosary,
Never relying on religion.

Im from a home of funny bones
And My elbows been ashy,
I knew It would take more than macaroni art to kraft me,
And i been itching for this platform
If you ask me,
I used to wonder if i was a real person.
I used to wonder like what's my real purpose?
When i was young ,I taught my shadow to stick to my toes,
When lifes a battle, I fought to stick to mottos.
As a poet i never looked at it this way,
I never booked myself for this reading.
I was overbooked.
I bookmarked my favorite moments ,
I been forever overlooked.
And never understood what "more" ment,
I been overcooked.
The preheating of this season left me bleeding.
This farenheit left me heavy breathin
No fear of heights but Excuse me while I fall from
- grace -
me with your presence and
These broken promises,
Never been transparent to this degree,
Had to leave that monster house.
That was my American horror story.
I used to be couped up,
Had to tell double d to get outta my laboratory,
See mfs want my jazz but not my blues,
They Wanna be in my class but aint payed they dues,
Yall be Morally incorrect,
....More or less...
Lately i been Moralless,
Need to get saved no church bells ,
Put me on the zach Morris list,
These rhymes be like my confessions,
Front row seat to my ascension,
Carry out this life to which we've been sentenced,
Delivery me from evil - with even more incentives,
I dream in MLA format.
Double spaced a letter to my younger self,
Just some **** I wish i told the older me
A ***** laundry list of things I thought ought to be owed to me,
My OCD be blowin me,
Need all my ducks in a row,
My prolonged silence been leading this Crescendo,
Im not playing NO GAMES, fuxk you and your Nintendo.

Can I call you?
At 2 am I can only talk for an hour...
Cause at 3 am,
They say it's the demons hour...
And boo I don't wanna turn on you
And go off on you,
Forgive me if I do it to you,
Your not the struggle that I've been through....

So lil baby can I ask you this?
Can I not be a love that your gonna ignore and miss?
Can you not carry the traits of these fuckboys I've been dismissed....
I didn't curve you,
When I probably could've..  
I didn't curve you,
Don't make me feel like I should've....

Can you call me ?
Make love to me with your voice,
Sing to me ,
Like Boys ll Men or
Dru Hill,
Back in the 90s?

Can you feel me ?
A chemistry similar like Jada & Will,
but imma need us to curve mfs,
and be ready to ****...
Those who hurt us....

Can you be for me ?
Like a baby without its binky?
Can you be the one to cry for me baby?
But man up because I'm the lady?


Can you love me for life?
I'm not trynna rush anything,
I just be thinking of things....
Your love could be the best thing...
Can you be for me?

I don't wanna have anymore games...
Not another chess piece....
Not another missing puzzle piece....

Maybe what I'm trynna say is...
Darling can you really love me ?

I read minds and break hearts.
I break rules then fall apart.
I was living a nightmare, like Freddy vs Jason,
**** left my psyche with Knicks and bruises -
Im the new Anthony Mason,
Mfs was movin foul, soon got upgraded to a flagrant,
I was in the cut bumpin Indicud,
I felt like Elmer Fudd cause of the backstabbing i was facing,
I soon got aquainted..with the fragrance, of defeat,
Thought revenge was sweet,
I had **** twisted like a twizzler,
Jealousy is for the weak,
You gotta live with your decision but them emotions are just visitors,
I couldn't stomach it .
My arrangements was far from edible,
I made a mess of the amendments
Im a of a man mess - I got a list of demands...
Im always on a different tune from the rest of the band,
I refuse to just sit and watch but this is more than i can stand,
Life was a beach..
My coral reef was in disbelief - My castles were made of sand.


You gotta learn to appreciate the darkness.
I was too proud to beg your pardon ,
I preferred the isolation - coulded help but be guarded,
Sometimes you gotta take that step back, like Harden,
And sink some of them boats filled with feelins you been harboring,
I was feeling more like Malcom - less like Martin,
My cruise was less controlled, My directives were departed,
***** I been hard to reach & outta touch,
been tryin to get a grip but been stuck in a rut,
I had an underlying desire to be violent.
My treble was to the left, cue the chelo and the violin,
I felt the hate on my skin and my distain was topical,
My blood was boiling but my climate was far from tropical,
It was a wrap for ****** but my plans always got foiled,
I was ready to strike, so like a cobra - I coiled,
I was quick to bite but took mad damage from the recoil,
****** did me *****, i was just sinkin in the soil,
I would stoop to levels with antics that resembled porch monkeys,
Was supposed to be a boss - but was movin like a flunky.
I was Jefe in my head - but was actin like a *****.
Went from optimizing opportunities to wondering where my optimism  went,
Karma had dropkicked me , left my armor with a dent,
I couldn't get through by just hoping - started swingin for the fence,
Nas said "Life's a *****" - Now Im seeing what he meant...

stay in style substance
the formatted displays of high society
for a day
then get gritty get down
get ***** where most of the world
lives
where the entrails
meet the nitty gritty
and leave the counting of syllables
silly when you take a look
at it, the anapest is a spondee
of silliness
**** all that
poetry I claim for
the common man
now rules and laws are
but to keep us out
**** all you arrogant mfs
you can **** my assonance

Mfs be asking
Why I speak less

Man, I just write and read
Nothing more
Thats how I enjoy my life
And it's better than human interactions.

All I need is a couple real *** mfs with the same motives as me and I swear were living in mansions

Look...
Its been some long days followed by some short nights,
These days are just some short rounds in a long fight,
There's been mad short comings - come complete with long suffering,
Some **** rips and a spliff got my brain buffering,
I refuse to stand in place - Imma forever have past due posture fees,
I guess all my earnings come at the end - like an apostrophe.
See I'm trying to turn all my "soon"s  into "finally's,
Despite Mfs speaking spitefully privately,
I'm trying to be an icon -
Loved and hated like Guy Fieri,
I'm a Ferrari, but I been gassing me with the wrong oil,
I wanted to blow, but the fire was too loo for my water to boil,
I wanted to grow, but I was kicking it in the wrong soil,
I was too busy confusing movement with motion,
I was stepping out of line, parading feelings as emotions,
I was cashing in, mistaking value with pricing,
I was crapping out, was venting with my vices,
I been salivating for my salvation,
I been gravitating towards gratitude, and delayed gratification,
I been avoiding altercations, and elevating towards elation,

Cause listen..

I been off my mission,
I been consistently inconsistent,
I been reminiscing,
Been making **** the opposite of simplistic,
I been in-opportunistic,
I been devastated and dilapidated,
I been a lil faded and I been feeling ill-fated,
I been a victim of ill-will and I'm feelin irritated,
I been reaching to be featured,
I been over dozing.
I been living for the moment.
Been under pressure and my fears be over-reaching,
**** be unprecedented, I be leaning towards impeachment.
It might not change **** but it sure does help to talk about it,
All them nights I sat up in my bed and thought bout it,
Ring around the Rhonda Rousey to all them bouts i fought bout it,
I'm Jerry Rice but lousy, to all the flack i caught bout it,
Frequent failure miles for all the flack I caught bout it,
They telling me I'm Black then why i feel Golden?
They telling me its cap - is that why i feel goated?
Hardly ever pressed - is that why i never folded?
Wake me from this nap- its time i smelled the Folgers.
I wanna be filled the same way that i be pourin'..
Rich spirit with the survival skills of a poor man,
I been getting grilled and knocked the **** out like George Foreman,
And It gotta be skills the way that i be poor man,
I'm in the business of building,
****** keep ******* up my floor plans,
Can't let **** pass me by or am i destined to be a doorman?
I'm at the right address but its safe to say I'm on the far  side,
I need to see the real , not just mirages and facades..

Yo to keep it 100 -
If I could go back in time I wouldn't.
Let the records hold they place.
I'm done tryin to convince you both the things I been threw.
Before my jersey was in  the rafters,
I was like Vince before he left the Raptors,
Bounding over boundaries like I had shox in my shoes.
You see I tried to impress the judges - I was shocked by the boo's,
My heart turned colder than Toronto cause all my exes were actors,
See I had to ditch diplomacy ; depend against my attackers,
I felt like a loan warrior and then suddenly - I grew,
My limbs stretched further than my imagination,
My torso was more so like a river basin,
but as my body grew in size , the guilt I carried did too,
Before I knew it - my shadow covered the ground like a sheet,
Amazed by the mass I had amassed - I was in disbelief I now stood more than 81 ft,
Now everything I never knew was within my reach,
But peep
The burdens that I bear be on some revenant.
I fed my guilt, it fed off me - I was JUST like Rick Moranis.
I'm Ja Morant or maybe more like Miles Morales..
I'm more and more embarrassed ..by the Aurora Borealus..... left by my shame.
I was forced to swallows my pride - **** be ****** up my larynx,
But I'm boarding up my barracks,
And I'm suggesting you to do the same,
I'm running gags like lil homie from home alone,
I been on DND ever since karma called my home,
Mfs want my jazz but not my blues - I'm more like Karl Malone,
I tried to blame the refs for my fugue state,
when it was me that here .. in the first place.
The victim was the culprit.

Over me it loomed -
dropped an anvil of anguish like they do in ****** tunes,
I'm hangin on by a thread not even lilo could stitch me,
Had to walk it like I talk it - fate tied the shoes on my tongue,
My skin singed by the sharp pain of the 1000 looks,
My skull crushed under the weight of 1000 books,
I had to eat my words, I couldn't stomach it,
My indigestion was incomprehensible,
My miscomprehension of of my tendons was indefensible,
The guilt of feelin like a ship with no direction.
That gut feelin to cut feelins cause **** get deep like a Cesarean Section..