"medicate" poems
Brain, brain go away
Don't want to listen one more day
Already lonely and afraid
Feel insecure and full of shame
Brain, brain don't act this way
You're always angry; Filled with hate
You know we're joined; Can't separate
Yourself your punching in the face
Brain, brain what can I say
To make it so you see things straight
Don't know how much more I can take
Of constant warring and debate
Brain, brain it's getting late
This journey's not some endless race
Life's flying by and at this pace
Forget a win; Not gonna place
Brain, brain let's medicate
I'll feed you drugs and we'll sedate
The only way to mitigate
Discrepancies we generate
Brain, brain we sadly waste
This outcome feels like it was fate
But never was there a sealed date
Fulfilling what we self-create
Brain, brain so much we faced
Success so close could almost taste
Instead our tail we always chased
We'll die alone sad and disgraced
Mar 7, 2019
Mar 7, 2019 at 9:48 AM UTC
So I just did some math.
This week,
according to the numbers,
I've consumed on average
375 calories a day.
Call it 500.
I have no appetite;
I'm stressed;
It's hot;
I'm ill.
This relapse is
not like the ones I know.
It's so subconscious
I'm drowning
trying to fix it.
I tremble as I write this.
I don't know how I get through the day.
But I do know,
there is a mountain
of responsibilities
that I must manage
regardless.
I can't just over medicate
and play games
when I'm stressed.
I can't rest when I'm sick.
I must bare it all,
for both of us.
I'm being crushed
by this mountain.
Jul 12, 2018
Jul 12, 2018 at 7:36 PM UTC
Watching the colour drain out of someone’s face,
like ice cubes melting shades out of your coffee.
Branches falling off your favourite tree,
foreshadowing its winter death,
but you pretend you don’t know.
Watching someone you love fall over the same step each time,
like they see a ghost every time they turn left,
so they keep turning left,
And they scream “Why is it always going wrong?”
Watching your brother beat himself black and blue,
like the kids used to do at school,
And now all he recognizes is his beaten back and bleeding knuckles,
but he is so much more than the pain he holds in his hands.
I’ve been watching you break bridges with your voice since I was a child.
I’ve been watching you use fists to communicate since I was a child.
I’ve been watching you self-medicate since I was a child.
I learned from the best,
don’t you see?
Watching you love a woman made me angry,
maybe I knew all along she’d only leave a knife in your back,
after you stabbed her in the front.
At least she saw you coming right?
Watching you break down made me fall apart,
maybe I was hoping I’d become strong,
but watching you suffer felt like being suffocated.
Yet you were the only one suffocating.
Watching you not exist in my life the way you used to took a part of me away.
It’ll never be the same again.
Do you remember all the days we spent doing nothing,
but doing nothing together?
I felt so alive.
I’m watching myself search for you in everyone I meet,
just to get some pieces of you back.
I’m watching myself run away from the person you are,
but I’ve been stuck in quicksand since you left.
I’m watching myself drown as I realize how quickly life changes,
and how quickly it ends.
Sep 18, 2018
Sep 18, 2018 at 2:44 PM UTC
Studies have shown that corporal punishment
at a young age
only results in learning disabilities,
God smacking the grey matter out your brain...
So the cycle of self, ego, perpetuating abuse, goes.
It is a series of footsteps, streams that become rivers;
and we are composed of these chaotic streams: energy
Dreams.
And my brother is a perfect window into "America"
He has a five year old boy, a Girlfriend with a boy and a girl;
They both believe in tough love and hitting;
On Sunday, as they were entering my mothers house,
his son hit him with a snow ball near the crotch, so he hit him
in the stomach, and I saw the boy lose his breath.
"You're a terrible father."
I picked him up as he started crying.
My brother said he was bad all day before that.
What am I to believe?
That you are raising, caring for, and loving unconditionally,
or you are ******* up as a parent by hitting your child?
What am I to believe? That glimmer of light is a deamon
or that the deamon is you, my brother.
When you slap your child, or any animal, you reduce it
its brain, its body, and its mind. That's why alphas ****
they just want to reduce the other males around them.
Its an evolutionary trait that carries through to today.
And so do fools, my nephews mother wants to medicate him...
when science meets spirituality, mind spirit
we replace the box with a tree, a galaxy.
We replace the pill with therapy, and community;
petrol with the sun, burning a hole
in the unity of our dreams and the whole of our destiny.
Mar 24, 2015
Mar 24, 2015 at 1:37 PM UTC
shrug it off and be a boss
the best is yet to come
don't get stuck on 'falling back'
so fall forward if you would
Dec 21, 2015
Dec 21, 2015 at 6:59 PM UTC
Divergent as always, I'm flying a kite in an avalanche zone.
Inevitably, from your safe harbor, you will judge me.
I yell, "this, this is liberation!"
But you don't see me as a revolutionary.
You'll take me for savage.
Medicate the unprecedented out of my veins
Cover me in a quilt of your culture, label it safety.
Repression of variation, of the noise and the bold, is optimal for this society.
Freefalling enthusiasm isn't exhilarating to you, and paint splatters aren't modern art
They are just a mess on a clean canvas
May 14, 2015
May 14, 2015 at 2:54 PM UTC
Oh yeah he wanted me
One look into those smiling eyes and I could see
He wanted to forget and feel good for a change
To be who he really was and not keep feeling estranged
Oh yeah I wanted him too
I wanted to feel alive and pretend I was someone new
I guess I found a way to self medicate again
One taste of him and it numbed out all my pain
The inertia of all our heartache
Just got to be too much...
We wanted to just live again and be off that sinking boat
All we needed was each other to keep us afloat
How could that ever be wrong and thought of as tragic
When all we wanted was just to feel wanted ~ bring out all that hidden magic
Mar 26, 2012
Mar 26, 2012 at 5:05 PM UTC
Medication is our only Sedation
Exchanging sadness for nothing
I'm sorry Therapist, but little Johnny isn't insane
Its a societal disease spreading like a plague
Look into those deep blue eyes
question the emptiness he holds behind the eyelids
was there ever a light for him to see
Or has the light been smothered by
Greed, savagery and propaganda.
Medicate the young
They will see the world as molded for them.
Teach them to step in histories tracks
And I promise you, The world will Rotate.
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 3:26 PM UTC
We’ve accepted that we’re already dead.
Like the soldier
Like the victim
No, the veteran of love
(and subsequent heartbreak)
We’ve accepted we’re already dead
So we can keep on living.
I was broken.
No longer working
No longer dreaming
No longer wanting
Pushing away
The hands that tried to help me
The encounters that didn’t last broke me.
I was embattled.
In the trenches of my own existence.
Those we met
Under picture-perfect circumstances
When we thought utopia could be real
woefully disproved this theory.
Rude awakening to what agony feels like
And sleeping all day so we could self-medicate
all night.
Self-medicating with ***** and cigarettes
Not because we needed to but
For respite
For the moment
For a friend in the bottle
Or the lighter.
Life is war
Survival is the only option
Death, inevitable and imminent
We are the ones in the ring
We have lived here
We will die here.
There are those who are weak
Succumbing to the needles
The tap tap tap on veins
Or worse
Ordinariness
Boring as the 8x11’s
found in printers
All around the world.
I will not be ordinary.
Surrender is not an option.
Because I am a gladiator
I have adapted.
I’m still in the ring
But I will defend myself now.
They are the lions;
The king of their race
But I
I am a gladiator in a Gap V-Neck Tee shirt.
I will die with love in my heart,
Belief in my soul
My ashes will spell out the word Hope.
Nothing will break me ever again.
Feb 12, 2013
Feb 12, 2013 at 2:58 PM UTC
keep Knocking on heavens door
just chillin on the stoop
nevermore
on top of the world
how bout you?
so you feel alright
kicking it back on the street.
Ya you got your Cadillac
you trying to be discrete,
man your just a drug dealing *****
Standing on the corner
looking like a **********
It looks like you made a switch
To the other side of the game
****** to many *****
lost your needs
just the Taliban
***** concrete
So you say
**** the world
I say **** you too
Ya your just playing with fire
Dwayne Carter
Everybody can be their own martyer
Gonna take them down
Down to the ground
Athens
Serpents corrupting
How’s that feel
comin straight outta my mind?
Do you feel anysort of negative vibes?
Ya im the stoner that cares
now who the **** are you.
I kno the **** is alright
sometimes I gotta medicate the mind
Wake up from your trance
don’t you see whats sublime?
The plant is an herb
grows from the ground
that’s as green as life itself
ts something you gotta enhance.
Why you gotta distribute
all this pollution for the mind?
You ******* wonder
why ****** get a bad rap.
You say you want to be treated
by your stance
but in return
your just ******* with romance
You want us to trust you like any other man
but then you go stealing our ****
now what the ****
am I suppose to do
**** I heard you got an issue
Its just something
you gotta breakthrough
but no matter how gangster you are
in your own little world
its time for a reissue.
So go ahead and keep selling them rocks
You can make all the money in the world
and still never have ****
The sun is shinning bright today
there’s not a cloud in the sky
you have a choice
what are you to do?
just chilling on the stoop
I feel like I’m on top of the world
Jan 22, 2013
Jan 22, 2013 at 6:05 PM UTC
I’m too sober for those dazzling eyes
Fangs on my bleeding neck
Piercing into my darkest places
I can feel everything
Is this pain or is this beauty?
From your eyelids clicking
Am I here or am I nothing?
To my heartbeat prancing
Will you medicate me again?
Temptation
Paralysis
Fear
Fear
I can see you inside out
Numb
Nothingness
Numb
My brain again
Your face in my lucid dreams
Touch me again, haunt me again.
Oct 1, 2015
Oct 1, 2015 at 5:44 PM UTC
Soon I will be alone.
In my own little cave
I can hide and be regrown;
my own soul I will save.
I will seclude myself from all;
from disappointment, pain, hate
and live behind my wall,
until I've learned to appreciate.
All I want is to be happy,
but, it seems the world is all sad,
I can't help but breathe empathy,
so I am prevented from being glad.
To add to that, I am toxic,
and all I touch turns to dust
until I learn to focus,
I will continue to lose trust.
I must learn to deal with this,
then attempt the world anew.
I need to learn to channel bliss,
then I can rejoin all of you.
Feb 13, 2015
Feb 13, 2015 at 10:41 PM UTC
I’m toxic
A little psychotic
I take zyprexa, an anti-psychotic, I don’t know if it’s working
My own fault though, I keep self medicating
I take the pills they prescribe and they help but not when my mind is racing
Speed, it’s ironic really
Because it slows me down and I am able to function
I can show affection and my emotions seep out of my bones
But it causes everyone to leave me alone
Is it my fault? Is it something misdiagnosed?
I don’t know, I only know how I feel and I use when I don’t know how to deal
Life is roaring rapids, I fall out and slowly drown from what has a hold of me
I don’t know what else to do but self medicate
Its another thing I use, a crutch
When I can’t stand by myself and don’t reach out to anyone else
I’ve lost my mind, I tell everyone I’m fine
I’m always thinking of a line whether it be drugs or a rhyme
I’m not kind on the come down and I hate my entire being when I’m rude to my mom
If I were to have a clone I’d beat the **** out of myself and tell her what’s really wrong
She makes sure I have what I need especially when I wretch my sadness all over the floor
She never shuts the door in my face when I need a place, without her I would be misplaced
One night she was shrieking and it doesn’t matter that she was drinking
The feelings were in the air, they were something tangible that I could grasp without being an ***
I saw sadness, rejection, neglect, frustration, anger although it’s a secondary emotion and that’s what she uses to mask her raw emotions
I saw hatred, not for me, but the addict inside me
She’s the only one who doesn’t call me crazy, she lays in bed with me when I feel like I’m not in control
She does breathing exercises with me when I really just want to fall
I make a lot of commotion and she still loves me as her son
I am all of the above when on drugs, my heart still hurts but I’m full on love
My family and friends have been pouring it into me and that’s the only thing keeping me going
I’ve said it once, but I’ll say it again, without the love there’s no reason to be alive.
Without the love, it’s failure to thrive.
Without the love, I won’t survive.
Apr 8, 2021
Apr 8, 2021 at 1:26 AM UTC
Why do I let you treat me more ****** up than I deserve?
I've been asked this time and again, and I wish had the nerve,
To say enough is enough like they all wish I would,
But there's a monster in me that needs to be treated like less than dirt,
It feeds off my misery and is only contented when I'm depressed,
Between the edge of sanity and insanity I must have confessed,
This to you at some point, and now it's like you get off on the fact,
That I won't walk away no matter how badly you act,
And yes, there is care and love underneath all of the self-torment,
But it's a twisted kind that feeds off of your dark sentiments,
It gets off when you ***** another chick and I take you back like that can undo,
All of the ******** I you continue to let you put me through ,
But if you loved me, you wouldn't hurt me over and over like you do,
Please can you let me go, or my mom will be burying another child, this I promise you,
You're the worst kind of drug, you don't just feed me with the all of the emotional highs,
But you also reinforce it with the sweetest of words that tell me what I am doing is right,
We've become too entwined in this entanglement,
So let's find a way to turn this into a disentanglement,
Because I tend to self-medicate with anything that's close enough to grab,
And you've quickly become my favorite crutch to lean upon when I'm in a jam,
It's not alright and it doesn't really work for either of us anymore,
It hasn't for awhile, and I've been tired of feeling like your secret *****
I see that whatever demon is eating you,
Likes feeding off of mine a little bit too much too,
And too long it's been draining me,
Do you not care what's you're doing, or too dumb to see?
Now I can only look up to the stars,
And wish on them so **** hard,
But they don't listen to me and neither do you,
So please let me go, or I'll be another grave in your rear view,
Another name to tattoo somewhere,
If you even care enough to dare,
You're the worst kind of drug, you don't just feed me with the all of the emotional highs,
But you also reinforce it with the sweetest of words that tell me what I am doing is right,
We've become too entwined in this entanglement,
So let's find a way to turn this into a disentanglement,
Oct 25, 2020
Oct 25, 2020 at 2:05 PM UTC
_my stange addiction - Billie Eilish_
No, Billie, I haven't done that dance since my wife died
There's a whole crowd of people out there who need to learn how to do the Scarn
Don't ask questions you don't wanna know
Learned my lesson way too long ago
To be talking to you, belladonna
Shoulda taken a break, not an oxford comma
Take what I want when I wanna
And I want ya
Bad, bad news
One of us is gonna lose
I'm the powder, you're the fuse
Just add some friction
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
I'm really, really sorry
I think I was just relieved to see that Michael Scarn got his confidence back
Yeah, Michael, that movie is amazing
It's like, one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life
Deadly fever, please don't ever break
Be my reliever 'cause I don't self medicate
And it burns like a gin and I like it
Put your lips on my skin and you might ignite it
Hurts, but I know how to hide it, kinda like it
Bad, bad news
One of us is gonna lose
I'm the powder, you're the fuse
Just add some friction
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
Bite my glass, set myself on fire
Can't you tell I'm crass?
Can't you tell I'm wired?
Tell me "Nothing lasts"
Like I don't know
You could kiss my as-king about my motto
You should enter it in festivals
Or carnivals
Thoughts?
Pretty good reaction
Pretty cool, right?
You are my strange addiction
You are my strange addiction
My doctors can't explain
My symptoms or my pain
But you are my strange addiction
Did you like it? Did you like that?
Um, which part?
Feb 16, 2020
Feb 16, 2020 at 11:01 AM UTC
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility." - Khalil Gibran
That quote inspired what I wrote because pain is a constant in this cruel world
And in all reality our pain is inspired by the struggles we've gone through, so it may not be easy but to medicate and starting the process of healing is on you. Others may have caused what you're going through but it's up to you to make it better, because even if it's raining now there's always a chance for better weather
Aug 22, 2016
Aug 22, 2016 at 12:02 AM UTC
You live at the bottom of a bottle,
your life supply not the air you breathe,
but the drugs you ingest.
The pills, the powders,
trapping you in a permanent haze.
You're stuck.
The alcohol your only friend.
When does it stop?
Is the pain too steep?
Agony seeps into your veins.
Malicious intent creeping through your daily turmoils.
Your future is bleak.
Inner pain ripping you to shreds.
You self medicate, but it'll never stop.
There is only one way out.
It was all too much.
Another life lost to the monsters in the closet.
Oct 9, 2012
Oct 9, 2012 at 10:03 PM UTC
Back in the '40's
My great-grandma used to sing
On the bus
Everyday
Never the same song
Never to anyone in particular
She just used to get on
Walk down the isle
Sit down and start to sing
After my grandfather was born
They put my great-grandma
In the hospital
The loony bin
The cackle barn
The mental institution
In there she got really sick
They said her liver was failing
She liked wine
And soon
She died
They said it was cirhossis
But to this day
That woman haunts
Me
Was she crazy?
Was she just a drunk?
Was she crazy and decided to self-medicate with the alcohol?
I've tried to find records of her
On the internet
And in attics and basements
But nothing ever seems to
Come up
Nothing wants to be found
At least not yet
In the meantime, I'm stuck here
Wondering
Oct 8, 2012
Oct 8, 2012 at 12:11 PM UTC
I know you hide your thoughts
Behind smiles and comforting lies
You stare up at the ceiling
Your soul transparent through misty eyes
I can see your heavy burdens
Chaos swirling inside your mind
The air is cold with unspoken distance
Why can't you see I'm by your side?
It's clear that you have issues
Tormented by hidden demons
But you could self-medicate
By establishing human connections
Use me! Use me as your mood-stabilizer
To substitute underlying manic conditions
My kiss, to turn pain into pleasure
My body, your security blanket
In the depths of misperception
You try to convince me you're "okay"
Well baby, the things I would do
If only that were true
But through your bouts of crazy
I'll still be here
For you
Nov 21, 2012
Nov 21, 2012 at 2:38 PM UTC
I find it hard to believe
Something so healing
could be so harmful
I can't see why it would matter to anyone
How I medicate with self prescribed medicine
I don't see why you would care
Whats the difference
If I drown myself in water or alcohol
I'm still going to die
Nov 29, 2014
Nov 29, 2014 at 5:43 PM UTC
I know not.
Reasons why, long since forgot.
Let myself fester: rot.
Self-medicate.
I am full to the brim.
Hate.
When shall I draw my last breath? That's the debate.
My chances of receiving an answer? Very slim.
Too cowardly to end it at a time of my own choosing; on a whim.
May 17, 2015
May 17, 2015 at 10:36 AM UTC
My life is just a sinister joke.
That people laugh at and provoke
while they watch me lie there and choke.
It’s like I can feel the ripping and tearing,
A mental pairing of chains and shackles
A ******* that causes me pain
with forgiveness that is vein.
My sanity is like a toy for only the cruel to enjoy.
Very few understand the amount of pain one can endure.
You’ll find that most are blind and obscure.
They don’t understand the complicated mind
or the reality of mine.
You can watch as I self medicate.
While I’m hoping others can relate.
But look at me in denial like my life is just a trial.
I keep lying to myself a deluded belief that my life is decided.
From beyond what I can understand is why I exist.
Why im still here when I don’t have a purpose.
Mar 5, 2013
Mar 5, 2013 at 1:14 AM UTC
There is no medication for this inside the bathroom cabinet or behind the counter at the pharmacy.
No doctors note can get me what I need.
But I think there might be a cure in your throat
or your eyes
or your veins
or your lungs
Please medicate me
Please
Apr 19, 2014
Apr 19, 2014 at 3:03 AM UTC
Shelter me like I'm "homeless".......
Not be a use I don't have an address.....
Merely because if home houses your heart....
There is a missing poster on the back of your ***** bottle....
Like the mistake on the bark where I once carved " true love"....
Happiness became of parking lot no occupied by strangers
Like titles reflect the hierarchy of spots closest to your heart
Methamphetamine now occupies the spot reserved for mom, dad and best friend
But time is a magician pulling white rabbits from memories ......
Where your the only audience members and you can only ask "how?".....
But like tricks fade into logic i always see the illusion
And memories become anger against the fraudulent belief in "time"
Grief is not a one night event where disbelief could refund your happiness....
And forgive ushers who now seem more like drug dealers....
Because the best seat they could offer only got you closer to regret
Life is the greatest notice pinned on a corkboard in shady establishments
Where the small print cannot be read at a passing glance
So later on in the alley where you self medicate.....
The dumpster contains the poster you so blindly believed.....
Now you see the possible outcome to the " greatest show on earth".....
Professionals on a closed course...... trained professionals should not be attempted at home.....
And I guess like I already said if my heart is "home".....
Then as an amateur on life's stage I'll leave actors like happiness, success and bliss to wow people at a great expense.....
But like a fool I invested every hope I saved into them.....
Now I'm bankrupt and homeless staring from the alley between life and death...
But the best part about next door is its free....
And must be worth the cost... no one ever seems to come out.....
Jan 1, 2016
Jan 1, 2016 at 8:54 PM UTC