"meanings" poems - Hello Poetry

Sometimes I get stuck in this state of Darkness where my eyes can see but it's like my head is just pitch black and I almost wish I couldn't see anything, like I wish I could just curl myself into a ball so tightly that I disappear from space for a while sometimes I get stuck in this space and I feel like my tears and my thoughts are climbing up my esophagus and clogging my throat blocking my airway suffocating me from the inside maybe I never told you I was depressed because who wants to relive that moment that choking hazard moment of cotton ***** in my throat maybe I never told you I was depressed because there are no words I can use to describe it that don't transform themselves into their meanings that don't take over my mind crawl through my head like little worms eating away at my brain my thoughts my skin have you ever thought of a traumatic experience and then felt those events happening again felt the dark hole of life-threatening-trauma attack your mind Shiver through your body like it was a demon you let in through a memory- through a word maybe I didn't tell you I was depressed because I wasn't strong enough my depression fills me to the brim fills my head and my chest my arms and my fingers I can feel it moving through my body I can feel it expanding and engulfing everything inside of me every last vein, nerve, ***** and tissue how can you expect me to have the energy to fight how can you expect me to have the energy to pick up the phone to open my mouth how can you expect me to have energy-to have the courage to utter the words of how I feel I feel so worthless in those moments I feel like there's this black whole inside me and it's consuming everything it's taking everything but my skin and it disgusts me can you imagine the feeling, having something so utterly repulsive on your skin you had to scrape it off immediately It felt like you needed to be cleansed like you needed a shower take that feeling now imagine it being under your skin imagine, every muscle ***** vein nerve every cell in your body underneath your epidermis disgusts you imagine all you wanted to do was to GET IT OFF and you can't no matter how hard you try you can't scrape it off you can't claw It off imagine you're scared of spiders now imagine you're covered in spiders and someone's holding down your arms so you can't get them off imagine them walking on your skin in your mouth crawling on your open eyes in your ears you're cringing at your own skin You can feel them going down your throat Their disgusting tickle in the pit of your stomach in every crevice of your body their tunneling under your skin and you can't get them off what are you supposed to do but cry

0

Jul 16, 2018

Jul 16, 2018 at 11:30 PM UTC

bellabutton

Maybe there's a reason I never told you.

Sometimes I get stuck in this state of Darkness where my eyes can see but it's like my head is just pitch black and I almost wish I couldn't see anything, like I wish I could just curl myself into a ball so tightly that I disappear from space for a while sometimes I get stuck in this space and I feel like my tears and my thoughts are climbing up my esophagus and clogging my throat blocking my airway suffocating me from the inside maybe I never told you I was depressed because who wants to relive that moment that choking hazard moment of cotton ***** in my throat maybe I never told you I was depressed because there are no words I can use to describe it that don't transform themselves into their meanings that don't take over my mind crawl through my head like little worms eating away at my brain my thoughts my skin have you ever thought of a traumatic experience and then felt those events happening again felt the dark hole of life-threatening-trauma attack your mind Shiver through your body like it was a demon you let in through a memory- through a word maybe I didn't tell you I was depressed because I wasn't strong enough my depression fills me to the brim fills my head and my chest my arms and my fingers I can feel it moving through my body I can feel it expanding and engulfing everything inside of me every last vein, nerve, ***** and tissue how can you expect me to have the energy to fight how can you expect me to have the energy to pick up the phone to open my mouth how can you expect me to have energy-to have the courage to utter the words of how I feel I feel so worthless in those moments I feel like there's this black whole inside me and it's consuming everything it's taking everything but my skin and it disgusts me can you imagine the feeling, having something so utterly repulsive on your skin you had to scrape it off immediately It felt like you needed to be cleansed like you needed a shower take that feeling now imagine it being under your skin imagine, every muscle ***** vein nerve every cell in your body underneath your epidermis disgusts you imagine all you wanted to do was to GET IT OFF and you can't no matter how hard you try you can't scrape it off you can't claw It off imagine you're scared of spiders now imagine you're covered in spiders and someone's holding down your arms so you can't get them off imagine them walking on your skin in your mouth crawling on your open eyes in your ears you're cringing at your own skin You can feel them going down your throat Their disgusting tickle in the pit of your stomach in every crevice of your body their tunneling under your skin and you can't get them off what are you supposed to do but cry