Abandoning my religion,
For the new God inside my head.
Her fanaticism knows no limits,
She’ll push me until I’m dead.
No atonement will ever be enough,
My soul marinades in eternal guilt.
Starving and without food,
Like a flower, my being begins to wilt.
“You’ll never be good enough,”
“You don’t deserve food,” she tells me.
So I sip on warm water,
To feel full when I’m empty.
I’m trapped and I’m lonely,
In a prison created by my own mind.
You can’t see her, but she can see you,
And someday, you’ll leave us far behind.
Making sure there is no escape,
Are the thoughts that want me dead.
My body can walk and talk for me,
But I’m stuck inside my head.
I am fearful and helpless,
I’m not control anymore.
So alone in my fight,
As I cry on the bathroom floor.
There’s a war raging in my head,
My thoughts are giving me a beating,
But you don’t seem to notice,
That I’ve stopped eating.
The compliments come pouring in,
And, for a moment, Ana smiles.
Then she goes back to berating me,
For not running ten miles.
