I have always been called
a natural beauty
never seen the purpose
to cover my flaws
here I AM
imperfections and ALL.
I wear it well too........
all except this painted smile
Oh ...............yes................I forgot...........about................you

Sometimes I wish
When I put on my eyeliner
A toddler would say
you look like a raccoon
And when I put on my lipstick
a child might tell me
your lips look like their bleeding
and when I wore my eye shadow
one might tell me
it looked like someone punched me
and I had a bruise
and when I wear powder and foundation
a child would say
you look like plastic

But they never do.
In fact when I wear                                                                     makeup
a                                                                                                          girl
came up to me and asked me why I was so                                 pretty
and I thanked her, and said
You are too!
but she walked away

I wanted to tell her that my beauty was                                     artificial
I wanted to tell her that my visage was                                       fake
I wanted to yell to the world that this                                           face
was what society                                                                           created.
I wanted to blame it on                                                                 society
which I could, if I                                                                         wanted
But more I wanted to blame it on                                                myself
I felt so                                                                                            pretty .
But was that what counts?
Is pretty what matters?
        what about internal beauty
        and intellectual beauty
and natural beauty.
When did powder caked
darkened eye
red lipped
blue shadowed
become
pretty

sometimes I think
that I really need makeup
to hide me from myself
when I look in the mirror
all I see is my bad
personality
brought to life
small eyes, full of lies
full lips, I'm a bitch
my mother likes to say that
I don't need makeup, that I have a nice face
but that doesn't explain away
the facts
because girls snicker at me,
boys call me crazy behind my back,
that my father calls me fat
because "he loves me
and
is
trying
to
help"
so maybe the one, two, three layers of slick and color and shine
will bar the anger and wrongness
and lack of reason or rhyme.
maybe one day i'll have the courage to wash all the makeup
away.
maybe one day

you can feel it;
all thought is makeup
over our emotions.
why does it surprise us that
we can often only see things
as black and white
when good and bad
and happy and sad
and yes life and death
are part of a larger whole
that we can't see in this spectrum.

beauticians say
that we shouldn't sleep in our make up
but one day we'll be sleeping forever
and then
morticians will say
makeup is what we need
for our eternal sleep

You asked me to put on some makeup.
Well, dear.

I would need too much makeup,
to cover my scowls,
and this ugly thing I call
a face.

There would never be enough makeup
to cover up my scarred heart
and attempt to make it look whole and pretty.

There would never be enough makeup
to cover my sarcastic and strange humor,
make myself sound smart, pretty, cute.

There would never be enough makeup
to cover my soul,
make it seem pure,
innocent - the way you want me to be...

I've been exposed for too long,
too many burns, and scars race across me,
everywhere,
too noticeable, too many
for me to ever use makeup.

Makeup will never make me look pretty.
It will disfigure all that I have,
take away the stories that are etched onto me,
it will cover what defines
me.

every friday, i put on makeup
i think it looks good
with eye shadow and just the right amount of nail glitter
i can look like
golden royalty, an azure fairy, a lime snake-kid

but

every friday, i get a second train of thoughts
i think i look not-as-good
with a thinner face and less prevalent raven-feathers under my eyes
i could look better
why don't i look better

Haven't made a heart to heart blog post in a while..

So recently a friend of mine messaged me on kik. We kinda drifted apart, but all the same we drifted back again .. You know that feeling?

She's asked me about how I was and what new things we going on in my life and then out of know where she asked me how I got into what I do, that , for those of you that don't know, is makeup.

It a happy, funny, weird story all at the one time.

As some of you already know, when I was 5 my parents died and I moved to Paris with my nan (<3) and she always wears red lipstick, even to this day. Lipstick , red lipstick to be more exact, was only worn by the higher class women and was generally quite expensive. Us Dean family have a ... Tradition I suppose. When a mother gives her child her very first red lipstick it means that she, in the eyes of the family, has matured and such not blah blah blah. Anyway. I didn't have my mom to do that ,so my nan took that role instead.

At the ages of in and around 14 I started wearing makeup, but never in public, my nan wouldn't allow such things. I always tried to copy her make up , because she was the only female figure I had as a child , and the only person I ever respected. Even to this day my makeup is still like hers , she notices that ever time I visit haha ~

I started posting picture of my makeup ideas on my old facebook about 3 years ago and one day a represtentive from Lancôme called me and asked me to work for them , I said yes. I told my nan that day and she gave me my first red lipstick and I still have it to this day

je t'aime Nana <3

Months ago, I used to apply makeup
for the sole purpose of feeling beautiful,
part of me adored the curve in my eyeliner
or the red in my lipstick; it made me confident,
it made me feel like my smile was brighter,
like any and everything I did, was wonderful.

I can't be sure when the shift happened,
but I find myself less and less capable
of enjoying the morning's application process.
I suppose it's because I no longer wear it for pleasure
but rather, to cover the darkness under my eyelids,
to mask the discoloration in my skin,
and to hide my far too visible exhaustion.

Beauty is a beast
          Underneath all of her makeup and lies