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amme Jun 2018
It was a couple of years ago I had an experience I couldn't explain but wouldn't deny.
It was almost like a daydream that took me back to the age of five.
I saw how I was pushed into society before I had developed the wings to fly.
To survive I had to split my soul into two to create a false personality of mine.
Ever since, the 10% I was suppose to give as tide has been occupied by the hatching seeds in the left side of my thin mind.
The experience brought me back to where I lied. I couldnt move and my heart was racing It felt like I was going to die.
At the end of what felt like a paralyzed panic attack I had a strange tingle in the lowest part of my spine.
The tingles slowly started to rise,
like two angels slithering their way up all thirty three steps of Jacob's ladder to open up the seventh seal. My gateway to heaven.
It was sensational. A euphoric feeling, I never felt that happy before. Everything that was holding me back, all the bad memories
and all the grudges I had been holding on to, did not matter anymore.
I started to think freely and act accordingly. I worked less and wrote more because money was not a priority.
The value of life became clear to me.
There I was, reborn with Christ oil.

I dwelt in that right hemisphere of my brain for three and a half months before I got thrown out of paradise for questioning myself again.
Of course I tried to force my way back but drugs only gives you a temporary pass.
Besides I can't let go of the lifestyle of the genie in my genes that likes to buy expensive jeans.
It's genius how they deceive us, or I'm just seriously delirious and my psychological awareness is just as meaningless as my nihilistic periods.
Who is really the genie; us?
I use religious ideology sometimes to explain my feelings.
haylee Aug 2018
All that comforts me at night is the darkness; the darkness being my only friend of course.
The darkness has always been something that I'm close with. It's the only thing that's seen me at my lowest.
It's held me with it's cold grasp of lonely giving me reassurance that, I am in fact alone.
I wake up every other day wishing I could just **** the pain
Or just jump ship and never see another again
This ship is sinking
In this sea of thoughts and feelings
Then you notice your phone there's a message at the tone
Her voice rings through your soul
Your my symbol of hope
A SOS when i feel alone
Take a shower
Watch the water drain away
Wishing it could carry the pain away
I'll hold my breath, I'll tempt death
But in those moments
My body and mind are side by side
I can feel the water in my eyes
I guess this is how it is to be alive
Get up, get dressed and meet your girl
I'll find the strength even at my lowest depths just to see her smile
I'll never let her see that side
That's the only secret I'll ever hide
Reject that frown
I'll never let this ship go down
Even when I'm sinking she makes me float
She's the life raft and I'm the boat
And I don't understand why she's given me a chance just some lonely broken kid with a fake smile and nothing much to give chilling in a maiden shirt listening to offspring
I'm not her Normal type
From the lowest of all clicks
The bottom of the food chain
A goldfish in the ocean
Take a deep breath you're going under
The currents pulling your mind astray
Drowning in my bottled up ways
You'll talk on the phone
Just so she can moan about
All her worries and her fears and  the occasional tears
But you don't mind
You're her rock in her hard time
The thoughts in your head decline and you're no longer stranded out at tide  
That fake smile you provide is Keeping her alive
If only you knew you're the picture in her head
The strength that pulls her out of bed
And you don't understand why she's given you a chance.
Saint Audrey Nov 2017
It's still not ok, but then again, when has it ever been...

There's nothing but grey skies
I can just about glimpse them through the door
As much as I tried
I still find it hard
Sitting on the lowest stair
Watching through the screen door

A simple comfort, it always is
Watching as the first few drops fall from the sheets of clouds
Creating channels across the dirt on the glass
Bright, despite everything
Bright against the pale white paint

Its good to not have to think
It can get overwhelming
And I'll admit to one thing
As much as I'm remiss to static opinion
Catching just a glimpse or two of
A passing black bird or
Something...

Just to remind me
monday
Harry Kelly Jul 2018
We used to fight sometimes
late at night
after too many drinks
too many cigarettes
too many insults
thrown back and forth

First we’d praise each other up
then run each other down
to the lowest notch

There were good times too
But after a while they dried up
The way some things do.

Couple last screams
And I would hear some clanking in my kitchen
Didn’t pay too much attention

She’d go out with her big purse
“Should you be driving?”
“***** you”

I would go to the window
Yell down at her on the street
“Get outta here you bottle bandit!”

I didn’t want her to go
Not really
She may have been a ***** thief
But she had a sort of magic
The way some people do.

I bumped into her years later
In a liquor store
same one we used to go to
I wondered if she remembered all the fun
But the look on her face
underneath the smile
showed the pain.
The way some faces do.
M P Jan 29
mom
You are my best friend
Someone I know will always be there
Someone I can tell all of my deepest darkest secrets
And know that you won’t tell anyone else

Your heart is as pure as water from a mountain spring
You wear it on your sleeve for everyone to see
You inspire me to be my best
Even in my lowest times

You support everything I do
No matter what it is
I trust you with my life
And I know you trust me with yours.
Traumeria Dec 2017
For once, I never understood
Despite being in my lowest low
Why people are so scared
Of letting people know.

They say it is because
Their friends will run away
When my illness is known
They'll be absent for the day.

But now I know,
as for once I tried
To tell them before they ran,
Actually, I lied.

No one understands the pain
Of worrying at problems that don't exist
Instead they laugh about me
For being an edgy beast.

They kept pointing out, how edgy I am.
For this isn't an act, to get sympathy from them.
Why can't they let me be
In fact, the one in the wrong

Is me.

I kept blaming them
For things they didn't do
For the things they should do
Starts from my words of truth.
I cri ;-;
Robert Ronnow Aug 2015
Your past, your romantic past, is a shadow. Like all towns, Port Angeles was a combination of rain and clouds, sun and mist, with a chamber of commerce, barrooms and boards of directors, the known and unknown. No one of course is completely unknown. I was known for my tragic love life. She had found another man, a backwoods man, living on the land but not above a night on the town, who according to her would wipe snot on his pants, a statement of poverty or thrift or anger against the niceties of society. All of us heated our hovels with wood but only the rich burned hardwoods, me and probably this guy were softwood gatherers.

            There were few aspects to my life. First, I can remember a nook in the kitchen of the house I shared with a beautiful faceless woman who wore a ring in her nose where I wrote and watched flocks of unidentified birds comb a tree for seeds. This particular day the sky was blue with clean pillowy cumulus clouds floating toward Puget Sound. I believe all the poems written in that nook have been forgotten by their author.

            Nights, for entertainment, I would wander the aisles of the supermarket, admiring everything and buying nothing. I had no money. The fluorescent lighting, clean straight neat shelving and floors, warmth and the fact I could identify nobody attracted me. I lived on cream cheese and honey sandwiches eating them leaning against the kitchen sink. Thinking go back to New York City which is what I ultimately did. Drove cross country nonstop three days and three nights seeing and feeling nothing.

           This was during the Reagan recession inherited from Carter. I'm unclear how presidents affect your life but good or bad, democrat or whig, alive or dead you've got to get a job, which I did. I supervised the living arrangements of developmentally disabled adults in what I thought were humorous contexts that gave no offense. They were beautiful and incorrigible having regular *** without protection. Normally harmless they'd sometimes have altercations with their neighbors. I balanced the checkbooks, paid the bills. Supposedly teaching living skills, I had few of my own as evidenced by my sleeping on the floor, I had no bed. One mature woman colleague judged me a short-timer living a useless fantasy about big cities. Still lost in my own history, still didn't know the calculus.

            I had a dog, Shade, black lab, leftover from my near-marriage until she realized I had no economic prospects, no interest in further *** or her logger boyfriend, and a complete inability to translate or imagine nesting and gestation. My homework comes to me in daily disconnected increments. Shade lived in my gray van, a Dodge slant six, which I could never afford to fix. Once the driveshaft disconnected from the rear axle and I tied it on with rope. Drove 60 miles on a knot. Shade was hyper and sad, both. He smelled bad but was a good dog with a lonely heart. When my wife who wasn't a wife finally found a boyfriend who wouldn't wipe snot on his pant leg they took Shade to British Columbia where I believe he runs free on a vast estate by the sea. I once beat Shade like a slave because he attacked a small dog out of frustration and loneliness and until I had kids and started saying and doing things just as bad to humans it was the lowest meanest moment of my life. The farmer who saw it will never forget or forgive it.

            Having confessed all this there's just one last fact to tell. The mountains were cold, the waters clear, deep snow and shadows.
www.ronnowpoetry.com
naught Oct 2018
why push a person away?
when that person was there,
when you're at your lowest.
and beg someone to stay,
when they're the reason why you're in pain?
then tell yourself you're all alone,
when that person was there all along.
To all the people in my life…
All of you that truly care...
I want to say thank you...
Because,  without you...  
I wouldn't care...

I know I ***** up...
I know I'm far from perfect...
But even at my lowest...
You never let me forget ...

You taught me how to walk again When I could  barely even stand.
And whenever I would fall...
You were there to  pick me up again

Every tear that fell…
Every mistake I ever made.
And every single sin.
You held them all within your hands
And with a smile…
You tossed each one into the wind.

When i hit the ground.
On my knees, punching the grass, And cursing your name.
You were never ashamed


Through every bad decision,
Every empty memory that was forgotten or stained..
Every burden I carried with me
And all my pain

You stood fearless through every  consequence.
All the shame i wish i could forget…
But continue to remember every day..

I was stumbling blind…
Living day to day, in darkness and misery.
  But you gave me sight, You brightened  my life,  Helping me to see, where I need to be.

You held my hand...
Lifted  my head...
And led me straight ahead…
Until all the skies overhead…
Turned blue once again..

No more fire,
Hell with the brimstone…
With you, I stand tall...
With you…I can clearly see…
Every crooked  path…
that lies in front of me

Thank you…
Whoever you are.
For always being there.
You believed in me...
You cared…
When I thought no one did.
Extended version of a writing I previously shared. Let me know which you like better and why please. Thank you all and enjoy.
Water flows in the heart that knows
Pride inflated chest, humility hasn’t shot him yet
Walking around with a lighter nose
Heaven knows where egos go
When pride is demoralized to its lowest low
Live life like a fool, always wanting to know more
A hungry scholar will educate his mind
To study ancient history
Because even he knows he knows nothing at all
Knowledge is power and ignorance takes it away
aa
You are the most chaotic wind
I’ve ever been whirled into

The deepest puddle of mucky water
I’ve ever treaded through

You are the greenest grass
I’ve ever lied my head on

The hardest concrete
I’ve ever scraped my knees against

You are the highest mountain
I’ve ever had to climb

And the lowest valley
I’ve gazed into

You are the sweetest whisper
I’ve heard
And the loudest silence

The warmest ice
I’ve ever touched

You are the most vivid kiss
I’ve closed my eyes to see

The most intense desire
I’ve ever yearned for

You are the most impenetrable penetrable thing
I’ve ever come in contact with

You are the most stable unstable man
I’ve ever encountered


Yet still,
You are the greatest love I have ever known
AA
guy scutellaro Feb 2018
when I walk towards the dog his eyes follow my every step.
eyes  blue like hard candy. lips curled above white fangs
smile at me with a smirk of someone who has awakened
from a bad dream.

I think I hear him sigh and as I kneel beside him. His cold eyes catch some light from the pulsateing drum bar sign.
"what do you see?" I ask. "what can you feel?"

Inside the bar I order a shot of bourbon and as I put the bourbon to my lips I see the dog standing on a barstool next to the fireplace. His lips are contorted tightly above its teeth and his eyes pulsate red light. After staring in disbelief the impossibility of situation dies. His eyes flash quickly several times. He knows me .

I order 2 shots of bourbon and walk over to were the mutt was sitting. He is not there and I'm beginning to wonder if I have imagined the dog when I feel something ice cold rubbing against my leg,  I look down. The mutt winks at me. I crouch down to put the glass of whiskey in front of him. Then I touch my glass to his.
"I've learned to moan without making a sound. " I tell my friend as his stiff tongue stubbornly licks up the bourbon.

He slowly turns his big ****** head towards me. "Out of the lowest the highest reaches his peak,"  his hoarse voice whispers. Causiously I stroke his head. He growls but it is not too menacing. it becomes more like a contented humming. The faster I caress the louder the droning becomes. His eyes dilate and I become mesmerized watching them grow from a warm yellow radiance to a terrifying hot white.

And with a vicious snap the dog sinks his teeth into my hand.

I **** my hand loose. Quickly I stand up and punt kick the little ******* into the fireplace. My wounds are deep but bloodless. A cold numbness  travels up my arm, into my chest, and down to my toes.

And just when I 've lost all feeling. I begin to burn. The fire is burning me from the inside out so no one knows how I feel.
Instead I stare at the dog in the fire place as steam rises from his head. His eyes flash at me three or four times.

I give him the finger.

When I walk into the poolroom, I put quarter on the table. It is a crowded room of tired faces unable to radiate any light of their own.

"The fire has consumed me. The true believer of snow and sad faces, I am a shell."

I am confused, frightened. I hear the words as if they are my thoughts. But then across the room hidden in a dark corner I discern the silhouette of the mutt. His eyes are shut but I can faintly see his subtle smile.

It's my game so pretending as if nothing has happened I select a pool stick. A tall man in a leather jacket comes over and tells me it is his game.

we argue.

And the dog's voice groans, "No matter what you dream it'll end in ashes or ice. Hit him with the pool cue." The next thing I know I'm slamming the pool stick into the man's face. Blood rushes from his wound. People rush from the shadows. hands grab me. Punch and kick me. I'm dragged to the door and tossed into the gutter.

Semiconscious, sometimes dreaming, I roll over and face the dog.
From the shadows someone comes behind me I try to roll over to see the voice but cannot.

"What does this world consist of?" The voice whispers into my ear. "Empty lots, a dead dog, and visions of the night."
What's the deal with binaries?
Such pinhole lens.
If you feel wrong, then,
ask yourself, Who's standing
in my salt circle?

What's the deal with sorting hats?
So limited.
If you feel out of place,
ask yourself, Who's speaking
to my lowest disgrace?

You knew as well I as I did
this catalytic event would happen.
For only so long, can you grind
your face in the acceleration,
before you ****
with the aperture, then         what?

Great opening, come to closing,
Let's love.
Great opening, come to closing,
Let's love.

The alpha myth dispensary, dead,
I see you running free, safely packed.
Mr. Wolf, I want         some of that!
Deb Jones Oct 2017
Cataclysmic entities
Earth, wind, water and Fire
Have joined forces
To teach us a life lesson
About taking them for granted
Earthquakes
Hurricanes
Tsunamis and flooding
Fires burning so fast people
Can't evacuate soon enough.
It feels like Biblical prophesies
Are happening so fast
How many of us will outlast
This chapter in our lives
We are scarring our land
With fissures
With withered shrubs
With thousands of acres filled
With blackened stumps
With flooded cities
With mud and mold
With countries devastated
With yet still, talk of nuclear war
With so many people
Without the simple basics
Without water to drink
Without food to eat
Things we normally take for granted
My states treasures are burning so fast.
Napa Valley has been wiped out
So many deaths and lives left
Unaccounted for...
The blind and deaf elderly
Woman who died in her driveway
The 26 year old wheelchair bound
Woman who was forgotten by her own father.
The elderly couple trying to save
One another
But the fires were burning to hot and fast.
Miniature Stephen King stories
Of unimaginable horror and pain.
But yet...
The mass shootings carry on too
The police accused of brutality
While still trying to save others
It's never enough
The Trump pretense
The microphones ****** in the faces of people during the lowest point in their lives
And yet...
The undauntable human spirit
Continues to thrive.
The rescued, the rescuers.
The beleaguered, the relievers
The respect.
Media, leave us alone to try and Fix our homes and hearts.
Don't feed on our immediate pain
But don't go too far
Just wait until we are ready...
For our close ups
Lying next to one another.
Our secrets permeating the air around our bodies,
securing the formation of inseparable bonds.
With a taste of relief, your skin cauterizes my open wounds.
Pasts dwell into the periphery as the moment takes over.
Like providence, we were led to one another.
From our lowest points we rise, destined for a chance at stability.
An end marked with a beginning as we observe my past self escape in all directions.

Give me everything, and I'll give it back.
Be mine, and I'll be yours.
Pick me up from this hole, and I will offer a hand.

Endless stares complement grasped hands as we crawl towards the future.
Lying next to one another.
Originally written as prose in September 2017
Lash Nov 2018
no need to prove your worth to the weak that cannot comprehend.
there’s no need to put up a wall,
there’s no need to pretend.
stand boldly in your truth,
stand strong and raise hell.
don’t you cry out for help.
don’t lose yourself.
-
don’t allow a love so shallow to try to drown you.
watch the people that are fake,
they’re all around you.
only the depth is profound,
a love that cannot be found.
it’s higher, in a new dimension,
i’ve been searching the ground.
-
if true love is what you seek,
you’ll find it at your lowest peak.
because those that love you when you’re weak,
are the ones you’ll want to keep.
hello
Jim Musics Apr 30
At the end of the line_
Because you're tallest?
Oldest?
Last name starts with Z?
Got there late?
Lowest score?
Best for last?
Saving the Last Dance for Me?

It's a good place to be
All in front marched off the cliff
the last shall be last
slay Feb 12
I know you don't believe me
Still, I try to give you reasons.
Don't shut me out completely,
Cause I hope we break it even.

I thought I loved a demon, but his wings are like an angel's.
"He's softer than I took him for," I say as I file all his edges.
It's because I'm only human, but at the far end of the spectrum

I trust you thought this through then?
Cause I'm not as strong as I imagined.
I'm misshapen for whatever reason, probably the last one, but

I give you the benefit of all my doubts at my lowest, and
I hold my tongue because you don't deserve my coldest emotions when I'm more focused on how I'm hurting than if I hurt you, and

I wonder what he's thinking in his room alone or how the space is bigger.
If he hears me thinking thoughts towards him or if he's tuned them out forever, but
wherever he is, whatever he does, just know that I would never

My light

My love

Indebted to you, ever
never
Miss Saitwal Jan 2
This is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Like tunes are inevitable without rhythm
And lyrics without devoid experiences
And them, without inspiration.

We know, no boundaries
We play with the highest & lowest frequencies
We sound just fine without a chord or two.
If you separate us, we’ll sound like a lucid dream.
Keep us together and we’ll find our voice.
Of all the enchanted hearts with no expressible bond.

Clouds are like a storm & breeze like a tornado.
We shall accompany you with a cup of tea on an empty chair

But, when the sky clears and you feel free,
You may forget our deeds over your feelings.


Incapable of love, but not of tenderness.
Mistake the one, & the other shall carry the baggage.
We carry the void of emptiness,
till you play your part in this peculiar life.

Coz what we had was like a one night stand,
Emotionally unavailable,
Juvenile and vulnerable.

Inspiration dies with lack of will & curiosity.
This is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Untill we live happily (n)ever after.
John Niederbuhl Oct 2017
Nature's own inkblots,
By time and wind shaped
Each with a story to tell,
Fantasy stirring, recollection as well,
Knowing us better than we know ourselves.  
Some have stooping shoulders,
Like old men after a funeral
Talking quietly on the lawn.
Some have boughs that slant down,
Like eyebrows
On teachers that frown--
Worried and skeptical.
Some stand at varied intervals
Along hilltops above a town
Watching like sentinels.
Some have branches that curve up,
Short, like fancy mustaches,
Or long branches, like eager arms outstretched
To greet a loved one.  
Some stand very close, boughs touching,
Like families saying grace;
On some, the branches intertwine,
Like lovers who embrace,
And on some, the lowest limbs
Fly upwards,
Like a skirt raised by the wind.  
Young ones crowd together,
Some taller than the rest,
Trunks thin,
Like kids choosing sides for baseball.
On some, the branches rise like smoke,
Billowing silently, curling,
Drifting to the sky
Like prayers from a little church
Where all the woman wear hats,
And every man wears a tie.  
Like inkblots spreading they capture the eye--
Each with a story to tell.
Silently standing,
By time and wind shaped
Knowing us better than we know ourselves.
I grew up among these trees--I know them and they know me



I am in LOVE
I am in YOUR LOVE

I do not mind
If YOU put me down

Throw me in the abyss
Into a bottomless pit
Push me low - if you dare
Burn me into ash
I will rise like a phoenix

I tell you
I will live and love
Keeping your glory alive

With LOVE
I make the lowest of low
The highest of high

You make one more LOW for me
I will make
one more HIGH for YOU

I will sit in lowest of life
And be the highest in LOVE

My BELOVEDz, My Nature
My LOVE

"Let our love be so..."
Beyond highs and lows...




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