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I’m a soldier
in a war
sold to the highest bidder
Biding my time
getting high
but not getting
anything out of

A lifer
a loser
lost his way
was on his way
on a journey
was earning
a living
was living
a life
in spite of
spitting in the face
of all I was faced with
Couldn’t face up
to the need
I was feeding
A hole
from which
my soul
was bleeding
Unknown reason
harboring this treason
give it time
it will season
Belief system
the Devil
finds pleasing

No matter
how much I tried
and from everyone hide,
including myself,
what was
deep inside
If I went
and made
an attempt
a fool I'd be,
wasted time spent
A lament
at controlling
the tide
And each day
from the next
more and more
of me died

There was a time
when all my efforts
went unheeded
and instead
But these courtships
did not breed
or plant the seed
Instead was seething
to be
Escaping from me
with each breath
I’m breathing

A horrible time
making me ill
Not having free will
and not for me
to get
Must get angry
and upset
Breaking steps
So many
I’m falling
more than I’m standing

Steps I’ve climbed
mostly blind
by my blindfold
Its knots
I bind
the moment
I ‘rise-and-shine’
so that
in time
when rising
like yeast,
the hiding
inner self

Every hand folding
as I’m
raising the bets,
doesn't make sense
From where
did I get
this invisible pet
Originally set
and previously molded
in the early stages
of the morning
in a story
that’s boring
and been told
time and time again
lost love ones
and friends

A friendly reminder
that a
is not
a time saver
if the referenced ‘stitch’
relied upon
was built upon
from others
that we
self tie
but mostly
force fed
by the very hand
by my head

It’s a numbing thought;
reasons sought
but pieces
My peace disturbed
by actions
from a desire
to numb
so that these thoughts
will be

and rotten
left for days
in a
wrought iron cage
with sage
too afraid
to consume
but 'In-Doom'
I trust
and with full ******
my smile
Forward I go
for sins
I pay
and lie within
this bed
I've made

Not night;
thick of day
No difference displayed
Skewed indifference
to the
that have been
like the path
of destruction
from this day
in my wake
can't brake
A life's mistake
Lay me down
my soul
to take
Lying in state,
a viewing,
my wake
My mind
now awake
Cruelty's laugh
makes me
an ***
A crass reminder
of a life
that's past
Written: July 14, 2018

All rights reserved.
nosipho khanyile Jul 2018
your own life was at the edge of chaos
when you centered me

everybody had deserted you
when you were there for me

you could barely stand on you own
when you stood up for me

all you wanted was to be loved
when you gave me love

you were selfless
and I was selfish

I've already lost you
but I hope this sorry finds you.
this one's to two of my friends. after doing some introspection, I've kind of found myself, made good friendships and I'm seeing life in a good light but in hindsight I realise that I've abandoned some good friends in the process. I'm scared to go back and find them because I don't know if I'll ever stop being self absorbed.
Vicki Kralapp Aug 2012
Believing in you, I lost my own way,
losing myself in you and to you
My better half I called you, cliché,
but you were my whole, all I could see.

Everything I am was defined by who you are.
Now I am left without any of me,
but a dream of who I was
before we came to be.

Beginning again without a foothold,
holding to the past like a lifeline tied to you.
Lost in the memory, blind to what could be,
looking all of the time for me.
All poems are copy written and sole property of Vicki Kralapp.
Cora Mar 18
you should appreciate your little victories
i do

for example today,
i conquered my telephone-phobia

if only you could see
my hands
valiantly reaching
em May 2016
In the space between our lips
and the time between "I love you." ,
your heartbeat sounds like footsteps.
Please don't slam the door on your way out.
Em Jul 10
Used to socially drink
now I drink to be social
Can’t stand to be sober
I can’t keep my composure
I smoke to cope and
I drink to not think
To disconnect from my mind
Or soon I will sink
Into dangerous crevices
Slip down the cracks
I’m a slave to depression
I just want my life back
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to quit using and I know it’s only going to get worse from here
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
You abruptly say you are leaving
I stare stunned
Eyes averted unbelieving
I drop to my knees
Heart broken and grieving
Thoughts of loss and pain
Run through my brain
Are weaving
Into my life again
You seem Hell bent on leaving
I guess looks are deceiving
You looked so content
But you say your love is gone
And you don’t know where it went?
You are going to leave me broken and bent
What is the reason you are giving?
Whatever it is
I am shaken to the core
Stunned I watch
As you pack your stuff
I beg and say
Enough, enough
Our love was Heaven sent
What happened?
What did I miss?
A subtle change?
In your touch?
In your kiss?
Is that all out love meant?
You are declaring us over
Hell Bent?
Heaven Sent?
January 14th 2018
JayceeJellies Mar 2015
You said that I've lost the glow in my eyes,
Ever since I began to stay up late at night.
But you don't know how long I've been crying.
How often I would lay in my bed denying,
The tears that devolped so long ago.
I never gave you a chance to though.
You said I had a smile that made you feel nice,
And that it seemed to have disappeared over night.
But you didn't know that it was painted on.
One night I just decided to wash it off.
Mr Quiet Jul 2018
Hold on to me.
I cannot even bare the thought of losing you,
For you are already a part of me,
You are the sole purpose of why my heart beats.

Loving words,
Caring heart,
Breathtaking presence,
You tear me apart.
You love me so much,
As I also love you,
No words can measure the weight of my heart.
Where do I even start?

I'll always remember those times,
When we kept talking about our lives,
We talked and talked 'till past midnight,
We talked and we felt love inside.

You were there for me,
At my loneliest times,
During those depressing nights.
I thought no one would be that nice,
But then you proved me wrong,
And held me tight.
When You Used To Call Me Mine
Part 12/14
Krystal Alvarez Oct 2018
I never had a very tight grip on the difference between:



******* Reality

Always merging the two into one disaster

The difference between night and day is no more than simply hiding the sun away.

Without you, my day will never be as bright

The stars will never live as long

The world will never spin as accurate

The bird will quickly forget its song

And my heart will never beat as perfect

You are my fantasy and can never be my reality.
Knowing this, I question my sanity

Refusing to admit

Denying how I feel

A downward spiral

This heart may never heal

Can you break something which is not whole?

Does that mean...

Do I love you?

After all..
You are my favorite
Mayah Nance Nov 2014
I was always told to hold onto hope if nothing else
So, I hoped I would make it to hollywood
But I never got my callback
And I lost a little hope
I hoped to meet my idols
But I turned out to be another face in the crowd
And so, I lost a little hope
I hoped someone would stop and see behind my mask
But everyone kept walking
And I lost a little hope
Now, I just hope to make it through a day
But everything keeps falling apart
*And I realize I've lost hope
am i ee Aug 2015
lost in the stories,
losing the Way.
athena Oct 2016
the five days was a constant battle
between all the things
that ever existed

your thoughts were strewed
and your legs were too skinny
your arms can be measured
by your thumb and pinky

that stream of verbal consciousness
uttered nothing but prayers
between the dusky hours

i lost a limb on the fifth day
that empty hallway with dimmed lights
and the realizations with frustrations
the machines stopped working

it was more than tropical storms
and depressions, more than
mayhem, it scares me more than
the turbulence hundred miles
above the ground

it was an inestimable amount
of tragedy and heartaches
you begged for him to live
and yet it wasn't given to you

i cannot be angry at God
he wants you back
all i can really do
is wait for you
and **still pray for you
sarah Dec 2014
i miss you in a "i have nearly lost a leg and an arm" sort of way. i am trying to deal with the damage, but pretending it's not there kind of way.
i am damaged and doing a lot of damage.
the only thing i can make sense of right now
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