Why oh why oh why
does my tummy feel like its upside down today
I am lonely
for him
I am sick
There is this other guy
that wants me
but he's a dog
no good.
It's best if I leave for awhile
Go stay in town with my sister
then again I'd leave to Regina
Cause I'm lonely
And I'm really ashamed
Maybe I'll go back to Saskatoon
visit my dad
I got till January to go where ever I want to go
January, I'm starting a course in Melfort with my mum
Make some money
and buy a truck, tv, game console, and beautiful good looking clothes
I will treat myself
to a new life.
That course is for unemployment work or something like that.
I can travel with my mum
all the time.
I'll get over him
I had a miscarriage
I'm sorry to those mothers out their
I wasn't ready
not with him
I loved him
Our relationship was falling apart.
it was the best choice to separate
I'm to young to be with him
I can't tell
it's hard to explain
I am looking forward.
I could say that I **** some bad paths in my life.
I'm more sober than ever today
I just want to leave
Lost today though.
I pray for myself and struggles to be taken care of, and for peace & happiness. Forgive me dear Creator, And Lord Jesus Christ for my wrong doings.
Amen.
I love myself
I just feel so lonely...

Liquid silence flows between the cracks,
The awkward pauses and terse remarks ,
Of our cordial conversation.

My lips fumble as words  scratch at their soft corridor,
The taste of discomfort and failure is salty,
Yet reassuringly human- alive.

You didn't do anything wrong,
Your perfectly placed hesitations and irony
Fell stagnant in the bitter pool of my expectations.

You couldn't help the way things went,
Self sabatoge danced sweetly on my lips,
Fates sticky web couldn't hold back deliberation.

Being with you, in this room,
Is the epitome of wide open loniness-
The kind talked about in books and eulogies.

It's elusive presence envelops me
As sentences fumble out of my mouth like gravel:
Unclear and unintentional, too genuine to matter.

I'm not sure how much more I can handle,
How many perfectly sane stories I can to listen to
Without spilling off the brink of sanity.

It's not as bad as it seems out here,
There's something charming about being utterly alone,
Something unexplained and unattainable
In this wide open loneliness-

Hiding the hurt, hiding the pain
Hiding the tears that fall like rain
Saying I'm fine, when I'm anything but.
This ache in my soul rips at my gut.
My skin is n fire, I burn from within.
The calm o my face is an on going sin.
The world must stay out, I've built up a wall.
My fragile lie will collapse should it ever fall. Loniness consumes me, it eats away the years.
Until my life is swallowed by unending fears.
Waiting for someone to see I wear a mask. And care too much to remove it, is that too much to ask?
-Katheryn Graham

Thank you, Dear Lord.

For sheltering me from the storm.

For embracing me in a sweet fatherly caress.

For shielding me from my enemies.

For providing food, for my hungry being.

For guiding me towards the light.

For walking alongside me, so, as to ease my loniness.

For revealing your ways to me.

For keeping my loved ones safe and warm.

For  loving this sinner unconditionally.

For your suffering on my behalf.

For giving your life for me.

Now, tell me oh Lord, what can I do for you?

By

Mayra Castillo

I have a lot to say
But my voice breaks under the weight of these words.
I have no sounds,
No syllable,
That can comprehend the complexity of my thoughts.
They don't make sense
Not even to me
Every jumbled up mess of a notion
Swims around in this clouded abyss.
For a long time I put on this facade,
This mockery of the truth.
I tell you I'm happy
I tell you it's because of you.
But nothing can save me from drowning
From the fire
From the storm .
And I'll tell you I love you
Because it's what you want to hear.

I don't tell you how I wake up from nightmares,
Terrified and out of breath.
Only to crawl my way to the sink and
Disappoint you with what I'm about to do
I take them
I take them all
One by one I count them as I swallow
It makes me laugh it makes me smile.
It makes me cry because the drugs don't make up for a lack of feeling
They do not fill me with the fancy yet crippling ideal light that they told me about.
They just remind me of my loniness

These jumbled up notions scream
They cry
They laugh
I'm drowning
But you can't save me and I'll tell you I can
Because it's what you want to hear

I have felt alone since I was a child, but my childhood was filled with smiles. I remember laying in my bed, all these thoughts running through my head. Thoughts that would make a grown man go wild but at the time I was just a child. Surrounded by family and bliss, yet I felt like something was a miss. My mom is the reason for this. Seeing her sit in her wheelchair makes me wanna cry and yet I know all she wants to do is fly. Growing up faster than most made me feel like the out cast like a mother trucking ghost. I feel like my loneliness made me mature faster. However, all I heard was laughter. From kids in my class who didn't understand. Kids in my class that made made me feel dumb but, all I did was bite my tounge. After a while I started to believe that my loniness did achieve making me feel small and wrong, like I was on the wrong end of the tongs. Now I'm 22 and still stuck in this loop.

Slow tempo

(CM)
You'll dream about the love you give up.(Em)

(CM
You'll wonder why you have an empty cup. (Em)

(Am)                 (F)
You'll feel the fire;
(Am)                 (F)
You'll feel the fire
(F#) (Cm) (Em)
Of loniness -


You'll see visions like saphires in the night.

You won't be able to sleep though the night.

You'll know the cold,

You'll know the cold

Of loneliness -


I should have gotten myself away from you.

I shouldn't have given of myself to you.

You'll feel the fire;

You'll feel the fire

Of loneliness -

Maybe he took too much
More than he deserved
Little gaps in my heart
Filled for just the tiniest moments
He took it from me
All the loniness
Maybe then replace it,
Even by no fault of his own,
With the emptiness

Chirps welcome the dancing rays of the sun
The whispering breeze and break of waves
The twinkle of your eyes and the tingle in under my skin
Are close like kin
You smile and kisses
crown me king
building belief in myself
If she is by herself and loniness creeps in I fight back the darkness of sorrow,
my bliss she can have not just borrow

Though we have never stood
On the highest point on earth
I feel like we've climbed to the top
And back down again
More times than I can count
We find these places
That we want to keep to ourselves
But have the need to share the experience
I never needed company till now
Emptiness burrows through my
Flesh and bones
In and out of my veins
Till I bleed out in hundreds of
Different places
Loniness catches my gazes
And fills my eyes with sights
That burn through to my mind
Leaving an imprint that takes up my Memory card
But I still remember
Smiling faces in slow motion laughing
Never remembering why
We are laughing in the first place
But it's ok as long as I remember your
Face it's ok
You will be missed