In this world of constant change, where all things shatter,
Love, too, succumbs to fate, like the falling matter.
From high to low, all rises fall, gravity's hold supreme,
Leaving us to ponder, what's the purpose of this dream?

What's the point, I ask, of embracing love's allure?
Today, you were absent, and my heart felt unsure.
Before my weary eyes, I witnessed a tender sight,
Two souls, enraptured, frolicking in the evening light.

Their joy was evident, as they shared a playful kiss,
A secret world they cherished, a passion they wouldn't dismiss.
But love, they claim, is magic, with hidden tricks concealed,
Give me a single reason to believe this truth revealed.

The art of life, they say, elevates desires and dreams,
Including true love, where nothing's as it seems.
Just like you, dear Akalu, I long for company,
Yet I stand alone, amidst stars, in infinite mystery.

Awaiting a fictional lover, hoping for a guiding hand,
You understand my plight, in this desolate land.
Loneliness engulfs me, a lost soul adrift,
Circling a crush who never notices my existence's gift.

Akalu loko-loko, we both yearn to be complete,
To find a love priceless, with hearts firmly bound, sweet.
Someone to catch us when we stumble and fall,
A companion to withstand gravity's daunting call.

But unlike me, dear Akalu, you bask in the sun's embrace,
Its radiant light ignites you, casting a glowing grace.
My faith, once steadfast, has faltered and waned,
Leaving behind a sorrowful journal, a garden untamed.

Kaibigan 'yan ang tingin mo sa akin,
Kailanman di mo ako kayang mahalin.
Di ko ninais
Boom panes
Sa samahan na nabuo natin, ako'y nabihag mo,
Subalit di mo naman sinabi na ito'y isang malaking laro.
Iniisip ng iba meron tayong relasyon,
Ang hindi nila alam ito'y isang ilusyon.
Umasa ako ng "tayo",
Ngunit ako'y nasaktan lamang,
Sapagka't ikaw ay may kasintahan.
Di kita masisisi kung iba ang iyong pinili,
Dahil maski ako di pipiliin ang sarili.
Sa mga sinabi mo, ako'y naniwala,
Kahit na may iba akong hinala.
Ganun pa man, ako'y nagtiwala;
ngunit ito'y iyong sinira.

Di ko alam kung saan magsisimula,
Dahil ang puso ko ay wasak na wasak na.
Akala ko iba ka,
Yun pala katulad ka lang nila.
Akala ko noon ikaw ay maginoo,
Yun pala ay isang loko loko.
Pinagmalaki kita dahil sa iyong mabuting puso,
Di inaasahan na ako ay maloloko.
Ako'y nanghihinayang,
Pero para sayo balewala lang.
Ganyan ka ba kamanhid,
Di mapansin na ako'y nasasamid,
Tuwing nakikita kayo sa paligid.
Masakit na makita kayong dalawa,
Pero wala na akong magagawa,
Dahil masaya ka na sa piling nya.

Gusto ko ilabas ang nararamdaman ko,
Pero ayokong makita mo na ako ay apektado.
Gusto ko magreklamo, gusto kita murahin,
Pero biglang napaisip, ito pala'y isang sariling katangahan.

"Hoy! Bata! Magpapakamatay ka ba?"

"Magpapakamatay ka nga e. Buhay nga naman o!"

"Sigurado ka na ba sa gagawin mo, bata? May maghahahanap ba sa iyo kapag nawala ka? May magluluksa ba sa bangkay mo kapag namatay ka?"

"Bata ka pa. Alam kong marami ka pang pangarap sa buhay mo. Kung may magulang ka pa at mga kapatid, sana naiisip mo rin sila. Sana mararamdaman mo rin ang mararamdaman nila kapag nalaman nilang magtatangka kang magpakamatay. Isipin mo bata."

"Kung desidido ka na at sa isip mo ay wala ng nagmamahal sa iyo, sige.. ituloy mo ang pagpapakamatay mo. Basta iyong pakatandaan na sa bawat yugto ng ating buhay, minsan lang tayo binigyan ng pagkakataong itama ang kung ano mang pagkakamaling nagawa natin. Wala tayong karapatang wakasan ang buhay na ipinagkaloob sa atin ng Maykapal. Sige, bata. Mauna na ako. Advance rest in peace."

Dinig na dinig ko pa ang paghampas ng malalakas na alon sa baybayin nang mga sandaling iyon. Naalala ko pang nababasa na rin ang aking mukha sa bawat tubig-alat na dumadampi sa akin noong mga panahong tinangka kong magpakamatay.

Gusto kong wakasan ang aking buhay.
Gusto kong malunod.
Gusto kong tangayin ng mga alon ang aking katawan.
Gusto kong mapuno ng tubig-alat ang aking ilong at bunganga hanggang sa mawalan na ako ng hininga at unti-unting bumulusok pailalim sa kailaliman ng dagat.

Ngunit... ang salitang binitiwan ng isang taong iyon ang nagsilbing leksiyon sa akin na pahalagahan pa ang aking buhay at ang mga taong nagmahal sa akin.

"Kung desidido ka na at sa isip mo ay walang nagmamahal sa iyo, sige, ituloy mo ang pagpapakamatay mo. Basta iyong pakatandaan na sa bawat yugto ng ating buhay, minsan lang tayo binigyan ng pagkakataong itama ang kung ano mang pagkakamaling nagawa natin. Wala tayong karapatang wakasan ang buhay na ipinagkaloob sa atin ng Maykapal."

Noon, akala ko ang pagpapakamatay ang solusyon upang takasan ko ang dagok sa aking buhay. Nawalan ako ng tunay na ina. Namatayan ako ng ama. Pinagmalupitan ako ng aking madrasta. Hindi ako minahal ng mga kapatid ko sa ama. Kaya naglayas ako at napadpad sa baybaying dagat at doon ay naisipan ko na lamang na magpatiwakal.

Nawalan man ako ng magulang pero alam kung may nagmamahal pa rin sa akin. Hindi ko sila kadugo pero lagi silang nariyan para palakasin ang loob ko. Sila ang mga tinatawag kong mga kaibigan.
Pagkatapos ng nangyari noong pagtatangka ko ay ipinagpatuloy ko ang aking buhay. Sa tulong ng aking mga kaibigan ay nagtagumpay akong maging masaya.

Hindi ako nag-iisa. Tinulungan din nila akong magbalik-loob sa Diyos. Ang mga nagawa nila ay isang napakalaking biyaya sa akin.

"Kung sa tingin mo ay hindi mo na kaya, magsabi ka lang. Kaming bahala sa iyo," naalala kong sabi ni Jem.

"Kaibigan mo kami. Huwag kang mahiyang magkuwento sa amin. Promise, makikinig kami," pag-aalo sa akin noon ni Jinky.

"Hindi lang ikaw ang may pinakamabigat na suliranin sa mundo, Igan. May mas mabigat pa sa pinagdaraanan mo. Tiwala lang na makakayanan mo ang lahat," kumpiyansa namang wika ni Kuya Ryan.

"Kalimutan mo ang mga bagay na nagpapadagdag lang ng kalungkutan diyan sa puso mo. Tandaan mo, ang Diyos ay laging nakaakbay sa iyo. Nandito ako. Narito kaming mga kaibigan mo. Tutulungan ka naming bumangon," nakangiting saad ni Charm.

"Huwag ka na ulit magtangkang magpakalunod sa dagat ha? Kapag ginawa mo ulit iyon, kami na ang lulunod sa iyo. Ha-ha. Biro lang. Lakasan mo ang loob mo. Hindi ka nag-iisa," ang loko-lokong wika ni Otep.

Sa tuwing maalala ko ang mga kataga at salitang galing sa mga tunay kong kaibigan, panatag palagi ang loob ko na hindi ko na uulitin ang nangyaring iyon sa buhay ko. Papahalagahan ko ang hiram na buhay na ipinagkaloob sa akin ng Maykapal. Gagawin ko ang lahat upang maging masaya.

Narito ako ngayon sa Manila Bay at naglalakad-lakad. Gusto ko lang sariwain ang mga alaalang naging tulay noon upang pahalagahan ang buhay ko ngayon. Hindi man lamang ako nakapagpasalamat sa taong sumaway sa akin noon. Kung may pagkakataong makita ko man siya ay taos-puso akong magpapasalamat sa kaniya.

Pinagmasdan ko ang karagatan. Wala pang isang minuto akong naroon ay may nahagip ng mga mata ako ang isang babae na dumaan sa harapan ko. Patungo siya sa mabatong bahagi. Tila wala siya sa kaniyang sarili.

Nilingon ko ang paligid. Wala man lamang nakapansin sa kaniya. At wala ngang masyadong tao na naroon nang mga oras na iyon.

Mukhang magpapakamatay yata siya. Alam ko ang eksenang ito. Kung dati ako ang nasa posisyon niya, ngayon naman ay ang babaeng ito. At dahil ayokong may mangyaring masama sa kaniya, ako naman ngayon ang gagawa ng paraan para matulungan siya.

"Miss, magpapakamatay ka ba?" hindi niya ako nilingon.

"Magpapakamatay ka nga. Sigurado ka na ba sa gagawin mo?" lumingon siya sa akin at kitang-kita ko ang luhaan niyang mukha.

"Alam ba ng pamilya mo ang gagawin mo? Alam mo ba ang mararamdaman ng ina at ama mo kapag nawala ka? Sa tingin mo ba ay tama ang gagawin mo?" nakita kong napabuntong-hininga siya na tila nag-iisip sa mga ibinabatong tanong ko.

"Napagdaanan ko na rin iyan at diyan din mismo sa mga batong iyan ako dapat na magpapakamatay. Pero... hindi ko itinuloy. Alam mo ba kung bakit?" tumingin siya sa gawi ko at nagtama ang aming paningin. Parehong nangungusap.

"Ba-bakit?" nauutal niyang tanong sa akin.

"Bakit? Dahil wala tayong karapatang wakasan ang buhay na ipinagkaloob sa atin ng Maykapal. Ang buhay natin ay mahalaga. Sana maisip mo iyon. Hindi pa huli ang lahat para itama ang mga bagay na sa tingin mo ay mali o nagawa mo. Hiram lamang ang buhay natin. Magtiwala ka, Miss. Mahal tayo ng Panginoon. Mahal niya ang buhay natin. At alam kong mahal mo rin ang buhay mo," iyon ang mga huling katagang binitiwan ko saka ako tumalikod sa kaniya.

Hindi pa man ako nakakahakbang ay narinig kong tinawag niya ako. At nang lumingon ako ay bigla na lamang niya akong niyakap.

**

Ang pangalan niya ay Yssa at siya lang naman ang babaeng tinulungan ko tatlong buwan na ang nakararaan. Siya lang naman ngayon ang kasintahan ko. Pareho kaming nagtangkang wakasan ang aming buhay, ngunit pareho din naming napagtantong hiram lamang ito at dapat na mahalin namin. Sinong mag-aakala na kami ang magkakatuluyan sa huli?

Ano ba? Nakakatawa!
Ano ba? Nakakainis na!
Ano nga ba tayong dalawa?
Nalilito na ako sa kung ano nga ba
Ano nga bang ang kaibigan?
Hay nako, aakbay-akbay na...
Ano ba ang iyong mga ginagawa?
Ano nga ba ang aking ginagawa?
Ano nga ba ang mga kalokohan nating dalawa?
Mas maganda na hindi na lang tayo nag-usap.
Mas ginusto kong nakikita na lang kita palagi,
Gusto kong masaya ako na walang masama sa huli
Mas ginusto kong makita ka na lang sa maskara mo,
Sa maskarang **** bawal tanggalin.
Kaibigan mo nga ba talaga ako...?
O laro at loko-lokohan lamang?
Oo, itinuring kitang kaibigan dati,
Oo, kaibigan nga ang ngalan ko sa’yo.
Hindi ko napapansin ang puso kong
Nahuhulog na lang bigla sa ating mga ginagawa.
May mga kaibigan kang babae?
Akala ko ba ako lang. Hahaha.
O ano? Nagseselos ka na?
Gusto kong kasama ka,
Mag-isa lang tayong dalawa.
Tahimik pero maraming kalokohan.
Ano ba tayo? Laging yun ang tanong.
Isang tagahanga lang ba ako sa aking idolo?
Isa ba akong kaibigan na kinaiinisan mo.
Minsan mas magandang mag-isa sa malayo.
Yung hindi ka nakikita pero naaalala...
Oo, malungkot. Wala namang taong naging permanente.
Pero ang mga bakas nila sa aking puso,
Nakabakat parin, dinadaluyan ng aking mga luha.

Baka bukas, hindi na ito maging normal.
Kasi baka sa susunod na mga araw,
Iba na ang depinisyon ng masaya.
Masaya akong nakasama rin kita, aking mahal na kaibigan.
Napapaibig ako pero ang mata ko’y nakamulat pa.
Kasi alam kong hindi ngayon.
Anim na taon na ika’y mas nakatatanda.
Pero kalokohan nating dalawa ay pambata.
Minsa’y hindi mo na maiintindihan pa.
Oo, sumosobra na rin ako, noon pa.
Ano ba ako sa’yo? Kasi kaibigan ka sakin.
Ano ba ako sa’yo? Iyong tagahanga lamang ba?
Oo, mas ginusto ko pang hindi lang kaibigan,
Pero mas ginusto mo ata akong kausap mo lang.
Gulong-gulo na ang isipan ko.
Sino nga ba ako sa'yo?
Nakakainis na lang minsang hindi ko mapigilan,
Ikaw. Ikaw. Ikaw. Puro ikaw.
Mga litrato mo, nasa phone ko. Puro ikaw.
Pero nakakapagod na magmahal...
Ng mga taong hindi mapapasa'yo.

Ano ba! Ano ba!? Ano ba!?

Loko ndzi tihanyela andzi hanyeli nwina ndzi hanyela xikwembu xamina.
Loko ndzi famba miri ndzina matsolo yontswontswana,xana amilava ni fambisa leswi milavisaka xiswona ndzi tshika leswi hosi yindzi endliseke swona.

Loko ndzi khongela miri ndzi twa ndlala,xana ndzinga tshika kukhongela hosi yamuna hikwalaho ka nwina.

Ndzi tisomele tintombi nwina miku ndza oswa,amolava ndzi soma nwina ,mitaswivona leswaku ndzi soma hirirhandzu kungari Ku huha.
Xana ni endliwa yini?

Xankoka kanwina iku vona munhu axaniseka,leswaku mitaba swikhiyana minga heti.
Ebo mhe na ala,ndzi nge pfuki ndzi ni yingisile.

Loko mindzi vona ndzi hundza hi ndlela mi yimbelela tinsimu ta michongolo,onge hiloko mondzivona ndzimu vhevhulela.
Amilava ndzi titshova tshova bya vanwambhurhi kona mita tsaka ,Mina andzi fambeli kutsakisa munhu ndzi fambela kufika laha ndzi yaka kona.

Xana mindzi endla yini.
Andzi dyi swanwina ndzatitirhela himavoko ya Mina,nwina miendla onge vatomihakela.

Ndzi tshikeni ndzi tihanyela Mina.
Xana mindzi endla yini.
Ndza engeta nakambe xana mindzi endla yini?

'Di ikaw ang tipo kong laro
Umayaw na kasi ako
Sinubukan ko na kasi dati
Ayon, talo lang lagi

Pero heto na naman ako
Parang tanga ang loko
'Di mapigil ang ngiti
T'wing naiisip nang ang balat mo'y dumampi

Pucha, totoo ba?
Na-SS mo nga ba?
Taena, mukhang ako'y na-stun
Ng walang kalaban-laban

Langya, GG
Hindi good game, kundi gagi
Diba humindi na tayo sa sakit?
Ano na naman 'to? Wooh bakit?

Noob na 'ko eh
Weak, walang silbi
'Pag eto sa wala na naman nauwi
Sarili ko lang pwede ko masisi

'Pag in-game
Please wag mo na ko buhatin
Aasa pa sa GM ang tanso na manok
Pa'no, marupok

Mabel, pasensya ka na
Hayaan mo, ang 2019 ay papasok na
Baka lumipas din
'Pag hindi, patay, "I have been slained."

I.
Pangalawang pagkakataon?
Karapat-dapat ka pa ba para doon?
Matapos **** saktan ang damdamin.
Ganun-ganun nalang ba ‘yun?

II.
Hindi mo alam ang dinanas kong hirap,
Habang ikaw, hayun at nagpapasarap.
Ang hirap mabuhay ng wala ka,
Dahil sanay na akong nasa tabi kita.

III.
Pero pinilit kong tumayo para mabuhay!
Sinanay ko ang sarili na wala ka,
At lahat ng pagkalimot nagawa na.
Pero ang sugat sa puso'y naghihilom pa.

IV.
Matapos ang isang taon,
Landas natin ay muling nagkita.
Akala ko lahat ng ala-ala'y wala na.
Akala ko nakaraos na ako sa sakit, hindi pa pala.

V.
Iiwasan sana kita kaso braso mo'y ibinuka,
Para tayong nagpapatintero sa kalsada.
Pagkat humihingi ka ng sandali,
Para makapag-usap tayong maigi.

VI.
Pumayag ako,
Kahit alam kong masasaktan lang ako.
Kahit alam kong 'di pa kaya ng puso ko.
Pumayag ako!

VII.
Bakas sa mukha mo ang pagkatuwa!
Dahil sa wakas masasabi mo na,
Kung bakit ka nalang nangiwan bigla.
Aaminin ko, ako rin ay nakaramdam ng kaunting tuwa.

VIII.
Pero hindi ko yun ipinahalata,
Sapagkat, kung iyon ay iyong makikita,
Marahil ika'y umasa na pinatawad na kita.
Mali! Maling mali!

IX.
Napa-usog ka bahagya at nagbuntong hininga pa.
Napahawak ka saking braso, tumingin sa aking mga mata.
Sinabi mo lahat ng dahilan kong bakit ako iniwan,
Ako ay naliwanagan sa iyong mga tinuran.

X.
Humihingi ka ng pangalawang pagkakataon,
Pero hindi ko yun ganun-ganun.
Tugon ko'y: “Aking pag-iisipan” at umalis na lamang.
Hinabol mo ako’t sinabing: “Mahal kita 'di kita kinalimutan.”

XI.
Hindi ako sumagot at sa paglalakad diretso lamang.
Pero alam ko sa sarili kong mahal pa rin kita.
Alas dose na at diwa ko’y gising pa,
Dahil sa aking naaalala ang ating muling pagkikita.

XII.
Napag-isip-isip kung dapat pa bang pagbigyan kita.
Kahit na alam ko sa sarili kong mahal pa rin kita,
Nagdadalawang isip pa rin ako baka masaktan na naman ulit ako.
Hanggang ngayon naguguluhan pa rin ako.

XIV.
Dumaan ang dalawang linggo,
At sinipat mo na ako sa bahay ko.
Halatang nasasabik ka na sa isasagot ko.
Niyakap kita ng mahigpit sumigaw ng “Oo!”

XV.
Sa una'y nagtataka ka pa sa kinilos ko,
At hanggang sa unti-unti kang nangiti.
Dahil naliwagan na ang loko.
Matagal ko ng pinag-isipan 'to at “Oo” ang sagot ko.

XVI.
At dahil mahal pa kita, hindi ko na natiis pa,
Hindi sapat ang mga daliri ko kung gaano ko,
Lubos na pinag-isipan ang isasagot ko sa'yo.
At magmamahalan tayo muli, sa pangalawang pagkakataon.

bigyan ng palakpak ang nakaupong presidente,
kahit papaano may nagawa itong kabutihan, eh.
sa ilalim mo naligtas ang labing-lima na minor,
ngunit sa puri na aking ibinigay, rosas ang aking kulay

may nailigtas ka man na labing-lima, marami parin ang na una,
na unang mag-paalam sa kanilang mga pamilya.
sa mga gabing akala ko na ligtas,
sa pamumuno mo, ako'y napapadasal sa itaas.

ang agrikultura ng ating bansa ay napunta sa sakuna,
sinisisi ang manggagawa maski gusto lamang kumita.
ginawa naman niya ang kanyang trabaho para sa mga pilipino,
sana ang nakaupo sa pwesto, parehas na para sa pilipino.

pagtaas ng presyo sa mga bilihin,
kasabay sa pag baba ng piso natin.
ramdam ko na ang pagiging alipin sa aking bansa,
alipin ng sistemang hindi maayos dahil sa mga angat.

maslalong nabaon sa utang ang aking bansa,
ang ekonomiya natin ay nangungulila.
ang tanging naka upo sa pwesto ay walang ginagawa,
masinatupag ang sariling kasiyahan kumpara sa sitwasyon ng bansa.

"asan na ang iyong pangako? aming binotong pangulo?"
hiyaw ng mga bulag sa katotohanan.
"sinayang niyo ang pagkakataon para mag bago"
hiyaw ng mga mulat sa katotohanan.

ang iyon pag balik ay hindi sigaw ng kabataan,
ang aming supporta ay hindi para sa iyong pag marcha.
"kabataan ang pag-asa ng bayan"
ngunit ang kabataan ay hinuhuli kapag ito'y kumilos para sa bayan

bago pa maupo sa pwesto, kaba ang ramdam ng mga tao.
sa lumang henerasyon ito'y isang panalo,
ngunit sa likod ng palakpak at hiyaw ng mga na loko mo,
para sa aming kabataan, ito'y isang mabigat na pagkatalo.

ang pag balik ng iyong pangalan sa kataasang pwesto.
talagang may halo na kaba sa mga tao,
hindi lang para sa mga 'di pabor sayo,
ngunit ngayon, para na rin sa mga tiga supporta mo.

May yosi at may asap
Blankong tingin at sipat
Salamin na pang loko
Kulang sa balbas pa no.

Nag aaral ka pa ba
ang tinanong niya sa
Isang batang maliit
Oo po, sagot ng paslit

Parang karaniwan lang
Kung hindi natuluyan
__

Cigarettes and clouds
Blank stares on looking
A fake mirror and guise
Given away by a lack of ****** hair.

"Do you still study"
He asked
The small boy
"Yeah", said the young one.

As if it were normal
Should he say no.

Purple drink;
Gets you purple drunk

took his bike to the end of the street and disappeared.
he was laughing.

maybe today, just find a way
to bell the bones of magnificent fun.

she thought he was funny. he
took to the day like a wild oat.
took a bullet to the chest, still had long to go.

that old bless of a naked always-stretching lung
     [can we account for nuance?]
took.  took.  took.

holocene compounded, brain aneurism expounded.
he knew the city suffered, city slumbered, never, not ever.

your number? he asked her.
or about some kind of snake wrapped around the heart.

war chest, drum the chest, bone or breast.
twas rhythm, not explosion.
rhythm/blast.

city/socks/electronics.

the humdrum conundrum of ***, thumbs and time.
we are surrounded yet alone.
stone’d yet liquid.
remember the lung?

city/shoes/blood.

he thought she was funny.
stoop, stop to think about a text…
send.

Stomach churning as I'm filled with uncertainty,
the black ball in my chest pumps out nothing but anxiety.
I hate that you are so far from me.
But what can I do or say to make everything ok?
Nothing but walk down the street like everything’s fine,
when deep down I’m raging inside.
The time spent goes by and I keep telling myself don’t cry.
When the memories are buried in the sand,
and you are no longer holding my hand,
I will shut my eyes real tight
and let my mind take flight.
Releasing all the taped up wounds,
saying that you came and went too soon.
Give me the stern nod and angry shove one last time,
give me one more kiss and a final "your mine".
We’re animals locked away
slowly and steadily losing our faith,
with only a few trips to the liquor store on eighth.
With loud tambourines and pretty pink scarves,
I’ll drink and **** to hide these scars.
No more is the hobo fabulous look golden
because our potential and chance has been stolen .
All because a girl caught the green eyed monster inside of her
so those around us concur,
that we're too ****** up to be eggs and cats,
When as a matter of fact…we know better than that.
With fingers in places where they shouldn’t be,
underneath blankets so nobody can see,
what we do during mornings at the park
and we're kissing underneath the arch
and I smile as we dance in the dark.
Loud sounds erupting from the TV and
comparing special videos to you and me.
Yummy cold cut sandwiches and sober ***...
we didn't know what was to come next.
We never drove to Harlem for a hug
but we tried our best to show each other love.
Running away from "hospital bound trains"
we can see and hear from miles away.
The sirens come closer...
You say "u got 5 minutes or its over".
Quickly get dressed and get out.
Leaving today is not what this was about.
Birthday ***** sips ...I always loved your beer flavored lips.
You weren’t there for guacamole dip,
but I’m glad because u would have gotten sick.
Nametags and tears,
unable to sleep because of murderous fears.
Late night walks to Houston Street with 50 million bags,
You looking like a turtle sitting by that garbage can,
and a free bottle of whiskey because of the Spanish speaker in me.
Pimps and lesbians watching my hands
as they make there was into your pants.
Yelling grandmothers and pregnant *******,
I think I would have needed stitches that day
but you put yourself in the way.
Free mozzarella sticks and putting up with cops and their *******.
You may have made me chip my tooth *******,
but you were still one of my best lovers.
Kids running into glass windows thinking they are tunnels
to arguing about how much beer we can funnel.
Both wanted trailers growing up but now we're too busy throwing up….
"4 loko crazy" mornings and me drinking too much despite your warnings.
Emergency room visits of heartbreak and torture…
Let’s get the **** out of here..."we don’t need to be sober"…
Angry sisters at the park and you telling me to go home...
but I just couldn’t leave u all alone.
The apparent "Sid and Nancy" of 2010 is falling apart
we can no longer pretend.
If you want it back fight fierce and loud,
I’ve never given up I’m just waiting around.
The nights of ***** and **** will remain forever intact…
including all the nights you fought and had my back.
We've made plans to go here and there but never get to,
it’s not really fair..
but it’ll be alright
and maybe one day we’ll ride a magic carpet,
into the infamous supermarket,
and u won’t try stealing 8 four lokos…
that would turn us into psychos.
Watching the sunrise sipping a 40,
in preparation of being lonely while I go eat brunch with my mom
only to come back and everything’s wrong.
Peace necklaces and stolen first time flowers.
Laughing at jokes in my own shower.
Making my closet your room but we spoke too soon.
Light up starfish and darkened anguish.
I can’t believe we did all this ****.
There's a pile of your clothes on my floor,
remember the funny hat and purple bathrobe outside my door?
And the running
and the laughing
and the playing
and the fighting
and the screaming
and the crying
and the love
and the hugs
and the kisses
and refrigerator/bathtub
and the time you were at McDonalds when u got lonely and came to find me with all the bags.
I stopped rhyming but I don’t give a ****.
Don’t try to understand me...just love me...is what u wrote.
And I did that’s why you’re getting this note.
In time we've gone thru hell and back.
We've made memories that will last.
Just please don’t leave so fast...
I don’t want a guy like you in my past...

A party in the jungle heat,
he is sober,
Like always.
Just one drink...
Come on try it...
No.
One, please, do it with me
No
Don't be left out
No
Just one...?
...no...
One.
Capitulation First Sip.
Fruit juices of the jungle- strawberry sweet with that telling aftertaste
no regret.
Sip.
Gulp.
First cup finished
He is Tipsy.
Secnd cup finshed
He is Buzzed.
Pride, He has lost his inicense, He is growin' up.
The only limit is dere are none...
Three cups in and the sweet nektar is gane,
One half a Loko next – grawss.
The world tips.
One half a wutr botle goes very fastly - no flavor at all
The world blurs,
Cut to couch 3 am
He tiiirrrred, He fulll, He is full-on drunk.
For the first time in sixteen years, he is a wining-confused-inarticulate baby.
Pillow on his face to hide from the lights- not the shame- just the party that needs to be over
He wants sleep, but the spins keep him awake.
The rumors abound: "He assed out on the couch."- not true.
Alcohol fueled lie.
Alcohol distorts perception far worse than a few rumors can hope to encompass.
Alcohol turns your average teen into a
Thrill-seeking
Death-defying
Lady-killing
Frisky-living
Idiot.

This dream was so real...
The Man
The Legend
The Legendary Drunk Poet Hisself
Asks to see my poetry
Tells me to bring wine

Dont Forget the wine *******

So I drive over in my El Camino
&
Bellbottoms
Only I’ve got a can of Fruit Punch
12%
Alcohol
Instead of a bottle of wine
As Hank requested

you have to make the reader jump off the cliff with you in your first line, otherwise there’s no point

sip

good God! What is this?!

I’m thinking he’s gonna be furious
But he takes a deep pull
Knocks out half a can
Looks at it

Fruit Punch eh?

I show him my stuff. He likes it. Some of it.

No more poetry for the day man. Say, let’s go to the beach. Huntington or Hermosa. Grab another can or two of this amazing concoction

I tell him they have it in Lemonade
Peach Black Cherry...he lets out a smile

burp

It smells like Fruit Punch

Well Come On *******!

He talk in rhyme the rest of the day...n just like his words have told me about souls

The free one is rare...but you know it when you’re around one because you feel great and beautiful yourself when you’re near one

'Di ikaw ang tipo kong laro
Umayaw na kasi ako
Sinubukan ko na kasi dati
Ayon, talo lang lagi

Pero heto na naman ako
Parang tanga ang loko
'Di mapigil ang ngiti
T'wing naiisip nang ang balat mo'y dumampi

Pucha, totoo ba?
Na-SS mo nga ba?
Taena, mukhang ako'y na-stun
Ng walang kalaban-laban

Langya, GG
Hindi good game, kundi gagi
Diba humindi na tayo sa sakit?
Ano na naman 'to? Wooh bakit?

Noob na 'ko eh
Weak, walang silbi
'Pag eto sa wala na naman nauwi
Sarili ko lang pwede ko masisi

'Pag in-game
Please wag mo na ko buhatin
Aasa pa sa GM ang tanso na manok
Pa'no, marupok

Mabel, pasensya ka na
Hayaan mo, ang 2019 ay papasok na
Baka lumipas din
'Pag hindi, patay, "I have been slained."

Here I sit with bile in my throat and music fading in my ears.
Once again trying to find the right words to make it better
This time I'm afraid there's no way to make it better only to explain
I'm slipping away, becoming who I left behind years ago
It's like a drug, watching the world turn into blurry chaos.
Just this morning I'd ****** up beyond belief before six am.
Passing out drunk on my front porch, waking up to my keys in hand.
Wondering how I got from across town to here and how long it'd been.
Climbed into my bed and faded away to longing thoughts of you.
I wake up to a pounding in my head and fuzzy memories of the night before
I remember taking my first shot of fire water and the burn it left in my throat.
One shot turning into a couple, my four loko getting lighter and grabbing her *** outside
Doing more shots of fire water and jack daniels, eating nachos so I could drink a little more
She went to bed and he took me outside, he kissed me against the car
My protest falling silent against his slightly sweet lips, bittersweet lips
Stumbling out back, trying to clear my head and his hand hovering to catch me if I fell
Asking if he liked getting hit by her, if he liked the way she treated him, what made her so special
His answer hot and hungry against my lips, I remember wishing you had the same passion
The guys laughing from inside the garage, laughing at us, his sigh in my ear
Dropping the doobie, looking for it and finding myself face first in the dirt laughing
Walking off trying to get away before I drank anymore, walking down the street
His voice, calling me back to the house, his hand grabbing mine and telling me I was safe
Telling him I wasn't that I wanted to go to the park, that Daddy would meet me at the park
Him saying Daddy would meet me at my house on friday but that I had to come back inside
The last thing I remember is hearing her sobbing, saying that I'm her best friend, that I was too drunk
Then I woke up on my porch, cold and holding my keys for dear life, he must have dropped them off.
All I can remember now is how much I love you, how much I want us to work, how much you care
You are my rock, my drug, my sense to this world. Without you I just mess it up.

I am sorry I tried calling you that one time
when I was drunk off lonely and whiskey and Four Loko.

It’s just that your hands were so good at keeping
me together. My body still sometimes collapses into the shape

of your mouth. I am such a soft, malleable thing, and it has taken me
too long to realize that you are also this. More important,

that you are more than my memories. That you exist free
and independent of my life. That my idea of you that crosses

my empty highway mind is not you. And with this, I am so sorry
for all the nights I tried to split your heart open just so

I had a place to rest. I did not understand how you were no
longer me anymore, how the you I had in me was a postcard

and not the city. Forgive the fury, the angry prayers tossed towards
the dark of my 3AM ceiling that were meant for your neck.

You were asleep that night where we started to break, and my skin
felt taut and sunburned, so red and wanting to scream, but Cassidy

told me that it makes sense why this was so frustrating. The rusting
of four years should make me mad. It meant I cared. And I still do.

And I still get the urge to hollow my arms so you can fit better, you
this new person who has grown and loved and spilled over into

a newer night. I forget so often that I can’t carry you like I once did,
and that you don’t know how to hold me anymore.

Even now, I’m still apologizing.

Yo, shout out to everybody that worked on the album
You feel me, son? Yo, shouts out to Ty Dollas
Shouts out to Hodgy Daddies, shouts out to Left Brizzle
Shouts out to Domyon, shouts out to Frankie Ocean
Shouts out to Syd the Dude, shouts out to L-Boy Awk
Big eared bandit is tossing all his manners
In a bag and wrapping them in seran wrap bandages
Tossing 'em in baskets with the rest of those sandwiches
So when he says "Catch up, *****" it looks like an accident
Um, flowing like my pad is the maxiest
My ***** white and black like she's been mimicking a panda
It's the dark skinned *****, kissing ******* in Canada
Then kicking all out like Mr. Lawrence did Pamela
Put her in the chamber all against her Wilt Chamberlain
I never had a Reason, ***** I was just Ableton
Not a ******* Logic contradicting *******
Flyer than an ostrich moshing in a tar pit
***** scented cheetah printed tee
In that 'Preme five panel, I'll repeat it for the season
Previous items in the present
With the normal *** past like I cheated on my team
It's me (Tried to get that *****, but, Golf ****)
To have some type of knowledge that is one perception
But knowing you own your opponent is a defeating bonus
I'm Zeus to a Kronos, cartilage cartridge is boneless
Smiles of cowards in lead showers
Dead spouses in red blouses
Children who fled houses on Mustang horses and went jousting
I'm on my Robin Hood ****, robbin' in the hood
Whips, drugs, jewels, and your pet, I'm stealing your rings
Coke diamonds and your Vet, soldiers lace the ******' boot
And salute like the troop when you shoot you gon' ****
It's **** Hodgy, *****, stay the ******* my stoop
And out my Kool aid, Juice
Hodgy got the juice, I got the gin
Jasper got the Henny, my ***** we get it in
Wolf Gang party at the hotel
I call a **, you call a **, and all the hoes tell
You know Left Brain need a freak
I need a ***** to go down like a Nitty beat
Yup, uh, and her *** fat
Don't be surprised if I ask where the hash at
***** I'm tryin' to smoke, ***** get higher
Domo where that Flocka Flame? Talkin' 'bout a lighter
Still bang salute me or just shoot me
Cause if you don't salute me then my team will do the shooting
Yeah my ***** Ace will pull the black jack
The king Mike G is in the cut with the black mac
Livin' like the Mafia, *****, don't get to slacking up
And if these haters actin' up, throw 'em in the aqueduct
Free my ***** Earl, yo, I don't really ask for much
But two bad ******* in front of me *******
What the **** is caution?
Often I leave you flossin' and cause exes next to coffins
Lost in translation, the dreams you chase
Got you diving for the plates like you stealin' home base
That's great, I'm home alone dreamin' of two on ones
With Rihanna and Christina Milian, bring it on
And Travis is in the closet organizing and hangin' the *****
Three lettermans that Ace has been making him
No strays while we catchin' matinees, huh?
I'm gettin' blazed thinking 'bout those days
I had the top off the GT3 like toupees
One finger in the air, all's fair when crime pays
My grand scheme of things is to be attached
To the game like ******* to their wedding rings
And you don't even need to look cause we gleam obscene
In the light, ride slow to my yellow diamond shining
Like the Batman logo over Gotham, rock LA to Harlem
If you say "get 'em Mike G" then I got 'em
One man squadron, ***** I'm a problem
From Briggs I got bars and plans to
**** these Polish ******* into pop stars
Humanity kills, we all suffer from insanity still
And if I said it then it is or it's gonna be real
OF 'til I OD and I probably will, uh
It's still Mr. Smoke-a-Lotta-***, get your baby mommy popped
With my other ****** bop, do I love her? Prolly not
Know your **** is not as hot as anything I ******' drop
***** I'm in the zone, stand alone, like Macaulay ****
I've been runnin' blocks since a snotty tot
Big wheel was a big deal with the water Glock
Now I'm all grown, sing songs just to give 'em watts
Fire what I talk, but still cooler than the otter pop
Op Dom neck **** in your wish list
Mad sick ****, mad **** for your *******
On some slick ****, your mistress on my hit list
And I'm lifted 'til I'm stiff out of this *****
Odd in your *******' area
Blood clots give me five feet 'fore I bury ya
Suicide flow, let the big wave carry ya
Tyler got the mask like he held Jim Carey up
And **** your team, ** ***** wassup
Wolf Gang so you know we not givin' no *****
You know me dog, I'm a chill in the cut so I can
Cut it short, break it down, couple pounds, roll it up
Get me a Persian rug where the center looks like Galaga
Rent a super car for a day
Drive around with your friends, smoke a gram of that haze
Bro, easy on the ounce, that's a lot for a day
But just enough for a week, my ***** what can I say
I'm hi and I'm bye, wait I mean I'm straight
I'mma give you this wine, the runner just brought the grapes
My brother give it some time, Morris, and Day
Course you know the vibe's as fly as the rhymes
On the song, cut and you could sample the feel
Headphone bleed, make this **** sound real
Used to work the grill, fatburger and fries
Then I made a mil and them psychics was liars
Now, how many ******' crystal ***** can I buy and own
Humble old me had to flex for the fogs
Down in Muscle Beach pumpin' iron and bone
Bumpin' oldies off my cellular phone
Yeah, bumpin' oldies off my cellular phone
*******, this rapping is stupid and it's hard
Gotta do it over and over and over again but here I go
Hey it's Jasper, not even a rapper
Only on this beat to make my racks grow faster
Got a TV show, so I guess I'm an actor
*** head, half baked, lookin' like Chappelle
Rollin' up a blunt with that fire from hell
Still ignorant, still hit a *****
Wolf Gang, *****, so I still don't give a ****
Catch me in the back with Miley on my lap
**** rips as I feel on that little ***** cat
Hah, ***** came through with a 9 bar real quick
Just for the *******, little bit of money in my pocket
**** it, Wolf Gang
Yeah, **** that, look, the contrast is a pair of lips
Swallowin' sarapin, settin' fires to sheriffs whips
(Whoosp, whoosp) ******' All-American terrorist
Crushin' rapper larynx to feed 'em a ******' carrot stick
And me? I just spent a year Ferrisin'
And lost a little sanity to show you what hysterics is
Spit to the lips meet the bottom of a barrel
So that sterile **** flow remind these ****** where embarrassed is
Narrow, tight line, might impair him since
I made it back to Fahrenheit, grimey get dinero type
Feral, ******' ill apparel, wearin' pack of parasites
Threw his own youth off the roof after paradise
La di da di, back in here to **** the party up
Raidin' fridges, tippin' over vases with a tommy gun
Never dollars, poppa make it rain hockey pucks
And 60 day chips from ******' awesome anonymous
Call him bloated 'til he show 'em that the flow deluxe
Off the wall loafers, Four Loko, and a cobra clutch
Vocals bold and rough, evoke a ** to pose as drum
And let me hit and beat it with a stick until the hole was numb
The culprit of the potent punch
Scoldin' hot as dunkin' ******* in a Folgers cup, or Nevada
Drivin' drunk inside a stolen truck, shittin' like his colon bust
Belly full of chicken and a fifth of old petroleum
Supernova, I'm rollin' over the novices
I'm roamin' through the forest and spittin' cold as the porridge is
Stay gold 'til the case closed and the story end
Post mortem porkin' this rap **** and record it
To escort it to the morgue again, lord of lips
Bored of this, forklift the tippy top, best under 40 list
Stormin' the gate, ensurin' the bass, scorchin' ladies
******* sore in torso and face
Get at me with savages, have a pack of Apache
Indian pack of ****** who don't give a **** if we nasty as flatulence
As a matter of fact, your swagger is tacky
So see me you can't like Crunchy Black catchin' a taxi
Back like lateral passin'
With that *******' gladiator manner of rappin'
As an addict I let percocets and xannies relax me
Fall back if your paddies is ****, please
OF, **** that's all I got
From my bigger brother Frankie to my little brother Tac
From that father figure Clancy to that skatey ***** Naks
Shredding down 'Fax, Wolf Gang run the ******' block
Storefront, knee tat
Book cover is the same lettering on lettermans and cotton socks
And grip tape, and my shoes
Um, I was 15 when I first drew that donut
5 years later, for our label yea we own it
I started an empire, I ain't even old enough
To drink a ******' beer, I'm tipsy off this soda pop
This is for the ****** in the suburbs
And the white kids with ***** friends who say the n-word
And the ones that got called weird, ***, *****, nerd
Cause you was into jazz, kitty cats, and Steven Spielberg
They say we ain't actin' right
Always try to turn our ******' color into black and white
But they'll never change 'em, never understand 'em
Radical's my anthem, turn my ******' amps up
So instead of critiquing and *******, being mad as ****
Just admit, not only are we talented, we're rad as ****
*******
OFM, bangin' on your FM
Gnaw, 2011, yeah, Golf ****

I wanted us to love through the greatest
tragedies that came our way, trusting
in the feelings that we shared, understanding
that stressful situations were only a test
that came with a secret solution, that all we had
to do was stay loyal to the game and know that
nothing could break up the bond that we shared.

Our love was incomparable, flawless flashbacks
that had us swimming in elevated climaxes,
reminiscing on sweet and sultry dreams that felt
so tender embrace, lying beside you, basking
in your truthfulness, all the heated stages
that had us lowkey slipping like I was a drug addict,
high off the crack, smack, tab, incessantly applying pressure
to feel our heartbeat increase like the speed of a Lamborghini.

We made mad passion together, lost in the deep,
eternal rivers of nirvana, entangled in the coolness
and smoothness of our worlds merging, hungering
moments that were sheerly **** and supreme,
drinking Four Loko’s in our overflowing carnal solo flow,  
coasting on the wings of thrilling avenues, easing into the
soothing nature of each other, the fullness in our souls
that told us that we were floating in unconditional ecstasy.

A love like ours was full of overpowering enchantment,
so many unrivaled poetic occasions, brimming with romance,
sinking in the lyrical lovingness of our flesh pressed
on each other, smelling your clean, masculine scent,
such a relaxing dwelling that felt like it would never end,
sharing our hearts as one, feeling so loved.