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ConnectHook Oct 2016
Trump's nemesis beamed from the stage
while she simmered with well-suppressed rage.
Their unkind dialectic
seemed purely synthetic;
results will be harder to gauge.
y'all come on over now !
https://connecthook.wordpress.com/
Cné Mar 2018
A new day has dawned, the clocks have changed
Lost an hour sleep, and my body found it strange
Now on daylight savings time
Confused this wee mind of mine
Why not leave it alone, it confuses people's brains?
I can’t write a limerick for crap
Now I want a mocha Joe frap
But burger king is far
As most fast food joints are
And now I don’t have time for a lap
There once was a girl named Lucy
Who liked to let herself loose, see?
She was too much a flirt
Her knees in the dirt
I wonder how mad her parents would be
I'm probably going to get suspended when the teacher grades it hahahaha
There was an old lady of England,
Who sowed a chicken's eggs in her land.
But when they failed to grow,
For it culminated to sorrow
Thus declared to leave such a barren land!


#
Limerick**
Kikodinho Alexandros
Jumeira, Dubai
23rd November 2016
#Nonsense
John F McCullagh Jun 2013
The girl from New Delhi (Limerick)

Did you hear of the girl from New Delhi?
How she turned any guys knees to jelly?
She'd wiggle and jiggle
she'd laugh and she'd giggle
while shaking her **** and her belly.
Counting syllables for a limerick
All of this to me is Greek
Without rhyme or reason
I wrote one, no , No Pun
Challenged , My silly mind fell for the trick

To write a limerick was not in the syllabus
Lost the route , I missed my school bus
I was asked to wait for help
Like a puppy I started to yelp
Help did arrive in time , but I was all nuts
Done with it :)) No more :))
Recently met a Techie , also a poet and a published author of children’s book and many more . He challenged me to write a limerick
ottaross Oct 2013
Along the sidewalks of Somerset Street
People pass upon purposeful feet
Rice and noodles up for all
We each hear the call
Come! There is much here to eat.

From the western end we embark
Just near where we usually park
On the street's sunny side
Past diverse shops we stride
Windows hung with ducks roasted dark.

To the place we were aiming to get
A table with chopsticks is set
There we eat such a meal
That it fills us with zeal
A lunch that we won't soon forget.
A little post-dim-sum fun :)
martin Jul 2012
I met a priest from Guyana
Who's fond of his marijuana
He says even the Pope
Stashes some dope
He calls it a gift from the Father
Send in the Spanish inquisition, I care not.  I'll bombard 'em with limericks!
there now is a graduate from Yale
who lies boldly
               getting red and then pale
when asked about girls
and high school beer swirls
he swears he never drank too much ale
Apropos Brett Kavenaughs very unconvincing statement before the Senate Judiciary Committee.
two leaders once met in Helsinki
for talks that looked somewhat *****
as it turns out
                still nobody knows
what they were talking about
and that indeed smells rather stinky
Apropos D. J. Trumps frequently confessed love for Putin and their kind of mysterious talks in Helsinki in July 2018.
Jessie Jun 2014
You stupid little ****,
with all your lack of wit.
I was deceived.
I can't believe
I let you lick my ***.
PrttyBrd Feb 2014
There once was a boy over yonder
Who gave the girls something to ponder
And I must confess
Though loathe to acquiesce
Despite my denial, I've grown fonder
;)
2414
martin Jun 2014
There was a vicar from Fife
Who never took a wife
Instead he toyed
With a choir boy
And buggered him up for life
martin Apr 2016
I've seen advertised a new car
That breaks all the records by far
Not only that
I hear it can snap
Elastic at fifty yards!
Nat Lipstadt Aug 2013
What poem will you wear, when first we meet?

How will I recognition-you,
when you transverse my land?
Unknown our faces, our voices,
Only silent words electronic exchanged

Will lantern, it be: one, if by land, two, if by sea?
Will your ID badge, passport stamped and state,
Your chest bear a witness-sign?

The Arrivals Board flashes:
                    une poétesse est arrivé
                    eine Dichterin ist angekomme
                    a poetess has arrived
                    una poetisa ha llegado

Will there be a haiku in your hair,
A limerick exposed by raucous grin,
Or just ten words
allotted for your entire visit?

Desperate to locate
Urgent to sensate
Matters I take
Into two cupped hands,
On the shoeshine stand
Climb and recite-shout

Know me by my words,
Know me by the lilt lyrical
Of my American accented,
Canadian Tongue of my mother

Know me by my words,
Carved by time on my forehead,
Poetry is the blood of this fool's soul,
Hear me, find me, look upon me slamming

Poems are the thorns in my palms,
See me crucified, bleeding stanzas
Upon my shoeshine stand cross
Recitation resuscitation welcoming:

Benedicting Gloria, Gloria, Gloria

But if this should fail your attention to secure,
Or the TSA unappreciate my second coming,
Look for the crowd gathered round,
A man of moderate height, in a tall hat,
Beard scraggly, looking sorrowful
Reciting the Gettysburg Address

Either way,
Should be easy peasy to find me,
Grab your bag, off to short-term parking

This is how an Americana poet meets n' greets
Arriving poetess from a foreign land

Is there any other way?
------------------------------
Postscipt
Alas, five years on and I know in my heart
that you are not coming...
Aug 2013
ConnectHook Oct 2016
Deplorable: that's her election
as it veers in a ****** direction.
Though some mention Lewinsky,
it's really Alinsky
revealed as her true predilection.
http://tinyurl.com/gwkvjbq
Edna Sweetlove Jan 2015
I once ****** a girl in a train;
She was short, rather fat and quite plain;
The smell of stale *****
Which arose from her bunk
Obliged me to **** her again
A further poem from my MANLY side
Francie Lynch Jan 2015
Choose a poet,
Write a limerick.
Something like this:

There's a poet that goes by Quinfinn,
Whose writing can cause quite a din;
His verse is so subtle,
To save you the trouble,
He gives you the theme at the end.
Just post them.
Valsa George Aug 2016
Usain Bolt, like a thunder bolt,
Darted towards his final halt
With all his might combined
Pushing his opponents behind
Making the world wonder if Bolt - a colt
A tribute to Usain Bolt... the Sprinter of sprinters.... who bagged three gold each in three consecutive Olympics ! A legend of the times ! Farewell to the Jamaican Cheetah....!!! Sad that we won't be able to see his graceful sprint n the next Olympics !
Kiamm Jul 2014
Yeah I'm a teen,
but what does that really mean?
Well I certainly don't crush candy
and at times I get a little bit randy.
But there's very little of the world I've seen.

See, because this is a limerick,
I have to be a little sick.
Spouting off ideas that make no sense.
The only thing to say in my defence:
"Well you can just **** a big, fat brick."

Alas, every poem needs an end,
and we delete, scratch, scribble, make amends.
Never knowing when to stop,
Or what content we need to drop.
What's that? Oh, excuse me, I have a fake meeting to attend...
The word "limerick" is just way too cool to not be mentioned as often as possible, I mean just take a second and look at it. Also, crudeness in limericks is as essential as a rhyming couplet in a Shakespearean sonnet.
There once was a mage named Stella
Who looked just like Cinderella;
She sang with the faeries
And ate lots of berries
Till she was big as a fella!
LC Oct 2014
We all fall in love sometimes,
Spill words of our love in funny rhymes,
Skipping through life having a ball,
Then there's the god awful downfall,
Sometimes life gives you lemons and limes.


~LC~
martin May 2014
There was a magician from Bath
I couldn't help but laugh-
While performing his magic
His act turned quite tragic-
He sawed his assistant in half
He wondered what to do
So he called a wizard he knew
Who cast a spell
And truth to tell
Joined her back good as new
AMcQ Jan 2015
There was once a flickering flame,
Its rising heat causing no pain.
But a shadow it cast,
telling tales from her past.
Now she runs to escape it in vain.
I should note the interesting muse behind this. On my desk in work today, sat a candle and some painkillers, both back-lit by a frustrating, flickering, fluorescent light. Funny how little things fall together. Needless to say, escape was not an option.
Ferrin McGinness May 2014
there once was a woman named ferrin
who got sick of the skin she was wearin'.
so she tugged on the zipper
and let the world rip 'er
in half so she'd finally stop carin'!
Cné Mar 2018
A leprechaun told me, “I hear
It’s riches you’d like to appear.
Since I don’t exist,
My *** of gold’s mist —
You’d better keep writing, my dear!”
Jack Jenkins Dec 2016
So it seems donuts are the order today
I'll lay them out like a buffet
You can gorge and feast
Like you're a donut beast
But I'm telling you, you forgot to pay
Written 20 February 2016... my first limerick
K F Feb 2015
Dogs are odd funny creatures,
they're big and small with all sorts of features.

And every once in a while,
if given a smile,
They can be the very best teachers.
Just a silly limerick to brighten your day.
There once was a man named Munn,
whose wife in bed was no fun;
but the horrible part
is when she would ****,
and say, "Get off, I'm all done."
© 2012  J.J.W. Coyle
Michael R Burch Feb 2020
Athena takes me
sometimes by the hand

and we go levitating
through strange Dreamlands

where Apollo sleeps
in his dark forgetting

and Passion seems
like a wise bloodletting

and all I remember
,upon awaking,

is: to Love sometimes
is like forsaking

one’s Being—to drift
heroically beyond thought,

forsaking the here
for the There and the Not.



O, finally to Burn,
gravity beyond escaping!

To plummet is Bliss
when the blisters breaking

rain down red scabs
on the earth’s mudpuddle ...

Feathers and wax
and the watchers huddle ...

Flocculent sheep,
O, and innocent lambs!,

I will rock me to sleep
on the waves’ iambs.



To Sleep, that is Bliss
in Love’s recursive Dream,

for the Night has Wings
pallid as moonbeams—

they will flit me to Life;
like a huge-eyed Phoenix

fluttering off
to quarry the Sphinx.



Riddlemethis,
riddlemethat,

Rynosseross,
throw out the Welcome Mat.

Quixotic, I seek Love
amid the tarnished

rusted-out steel
when to live is varnish.

To Dream—that’s the thing!
Aye, that Genie I’ll rub,

soak by the candle,
aflame in the tub.



Riddlemethis,
riddlemethat,

Rynosseross,
throw out the Welcome Mat.

Somewhither, somewhither
aglitter and strange,

we must moult off all knowledge
or perish caged.

*

I am reconciled to Life
somewhere beyond thought—

I’ll Live in the There,
I’ll Dream of the Naught.

Methinks it no journey;
to tarry’s a waste,

so fatten the oxen;
make a nice baste.

I’m coming, Fool Tom,
we have Somewhere to Go,

though we injure noone,
ourselves wildaglow.

This odd poem invokes and merges with the anonymous medieval poem “Tom O’Bedlam” and W. H. Auden’s modernist poem “Musee des Beaux Arts,” which in turn refers to Pieter Breughel’s painting “The Fall of Icarus.” In the first stanza Icarus levitates with the help of Athena, the goddess of wisdom, through “strange dreamlands” while Apollo, the sun god, lies sleeping at night. In the second stanza, Apollo predictably wakes up and Icarus plummets to earth, or back to mundane reality, as in Breughel’s painting and Auden’s poem. In the third stanza the grounded Icarus can still fly, but only in flights of imagination through dreams of love. In the fourth and fifth stanzas Icarus joins Tom Rynosseross of the Bedlam poem in embracing madness by deserting “knowledge” and its cages (ivory towers, learning, etc.). In the final stanza Icarus, the former high flier, agrees with Tom that it is “no journey” to wherever they’re going together and also agrees with Tom that they will injure no one on the way, no matter how intensely they glow and radiate.

Keywords/Tags: Icarus, Tom O’Bedlam, bedlam, bedlamite, beggar, mad song, Apollo, welkin, Rynosseros, limerick meter, ballad, hag, goblin, maudlin, chains, whips, dame, maid, afraid, dotage, conquest, cupid, owl, marrow, drake, crow, gypsies, Snap, Pedro, comradoes, punk, cutpurse, panther, fancies, commander, spear, horse, wilderness, knight, tourney, world’s end, journey, Phoenix, Sphinx, Genie, Don Quixote, Quixote, quixotic, cage, prison, glitter, strange, molt, knowledge, oxen, baste, Auden, Musee des Beaux Arts, Breughel, Fall of Icarus
Patricia Drake Apr 2013
Well,  I promised somebody to write
About air so I thought that I might
Try to write with a beat
Maybe shake off this heat
Flapping beats in the air I take flight

I use heatwaves as lifts to the sky
Upon gentle warm winds I fly high
I don't need any wings
Don't need any helpful things
I get upwinds from you when you sigh
Sleepless Dec 2015
I fell in love the day that we met
A feeling I would soon regret
For I found you with her
Under covers you did stir
An image I could not forget

You promised that here you would stay
Yet in her bed you now lay
And alone here I cry
Under darkening sky
For my colours have all turned grey

You said "I love you, I do"
But I found your intentions weren't true
How foolish was I
To believe such a lie
And now my heart is in two
Cheating can only end in pain
Homunculus Mar 2020
There once was a man from Peru
he tried ******* with his shoe
but at the wrong angle, the laces got tangled
and now his junk's mangled and blue
After reading Gravity's Rainbow and all the stupid songs and ***** limericks Mr. Pynchon managed to weave into that magnificent monumental monstrosity of text, this poet just can't help but feel inspired to try the form.
There once was a man named Milt
Who wore a very short kilt
On windy days he'd stay inside
For fear his kilt would go for a high ride
If wind was blowing outside Milt's kilt would stay inside

— The End —