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Cné Mar 2017
Think of me, just my tongue gliding from the bottom to the very tip,
Dreaming only of a tasteful sip
Under the table
If I'm able
To catch just a simple drip.
Don't blame me, inspired by the man in a boring meeting with only time to ****.
Cné Mar 2017
Dare I relinquish all control
For the sake of a story not yet told
Of **** and love
And mushy stuff
To be yours forever to unfold and thus behold?
Yikes... where did that come from...
Cné Jun 2017
James
Trying to find a place to ***
I went behind a big o'l tree
She saw me there
Completely bare
Then we became a WEE!!

TF
Oh the deepest trouble, *****
Playing with girls, that sin
just ware these words
don't think her absurd
when she wondering says, "is it in?"

Cné
So glad for you, on getting some
while relieving yourself, on the run
Girls that sin
worderin'
bored, did she ask, "Did you ***?
Or are you done?"

Sorry boys, just having fun!

James
Hey, welcome aboard
if you're feelin' bored
just give it a rub
but not a snub
that's how we scored

TF
Y'all are so bad, yes it's true
just tell me when your through
pushing, pulling
tweaking, fulfilling
your hands now full, of goo

Cné
How could I be bored, with the likes of you two
in need of rubbing, please don't be blue
Make no mistake
I have what it takes
especially, for men well overdue

TF
Talented and beautiful too
always pulling it through
it must be fate
it's always so great
getting a tugging, from you

James
Walking the streets before dawn
you looked and her light was on
you saw her fare
but didn't care
and wonder where your money's all gone

James
Poor Bill, he never did learn
he saved all the money he could earn
to pay a sweet lady
at place that was shady
and wonders why his ****** still burns

TF
Bill never learned his lesson
the burn just grew, not lessened
he never went back
his ****** he lacks
no more ****** sessions

TF
The ladies of the evening
sights beyond believing
the things they do
while making you
penniless, and leaving

Cné
A working girl, works it
with Johns, turning tricks
*******
and f¥€king
can't blame her, for getting you sick

TF
The doctor told her to take a break
her body one day, might break
all that cavorting
and oral contorting
she just really loved, her tube steaks

James**
He told her to take a seat
when she really wanted a treat
she was feelin' dry
and wasn't shy
And so she went after his meat

James
Cruising the streets just chillin'
searchin' for a chick just millin'
She shook her ***
I couldn't pass
Oh, well, another shot of penicillin

TF
Something's wrong with Suzy
something oozing, from her coozie
she scratches at an itch
her john's just call her a *****
that's the sum of it, laying down, with floozies

Cné
Suzy was rode hard, put up wet
with men on the street corner she met
Wiggling her ***
for just a little cash
***** status. she earned, you bet

Disclaimer: It just gets sicker from here...

James
Went to the bathroom to sit on the ***
I like to **** while I'm on the clock
There wasn't any paper
I used a finger scraper
I might better had used my sock

TF
Now if there's one thing I know
being a clock, that's fast, and not slow
fingers be scraping
flecks are escaping
****, will under the fingernails, go

Cné to James
Please wash your hands before you eat
Be careful cruisin' down the street
or chillin'
with penicillin
I fear a terrible peril soon, you will meet!
ConnectHook Sep 2015
†           †           †    

A quorum of biblical scholars
turned their doubts into thousands of dollars.
Armed with Document Q
they revealed nothing new
but the dirt neath’ the white of their collars.

A proud “health & wealth” Oklahoman
was renowned as a gospel-tent showman.
While the scriptures he twisted,
their tithing assisted
his rise from poor hick to rich Roman.

A sexually diverse professor
(assured he was not a transgressor)
spoke only of openness
glossing sin’s brokenness;
rainbows and tolerance – yes sir.

A Mormon, who lost his own ephod
Realized he was running quite slipshod
and invoked Joseph Smith.
(Yes, it may be a myth –
but it’s not like misplacing your I-pod…)

A Christian whose faith was prophetic
held to views that were truly pathetic.
This crazed Pentecostal,
not quite an apostle,
had taken an End-Times emetic.

A sober and staid Presbyterian
was distrustful of thoughts millenarian.
After smoking some bud,
he awoke with a thud;
in his sleep he’d become Rastafarian.

A preacher who fleeced his disciples
overdrew his own balance of scruples.
He was finally captured
(defrocked and un-raptured)
and rent by his destitute pupils.

A sister who waxed Pentecostal,
mistook herself for an apostle
Speaking pure glossolalia
she sure could regale ya’
with prophecy; crazy – but docile.
What's wrong? Too hard to LIKE me ?
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  

         †           †           †
Cné Mar 2017
Normally I don't celebrate a one day holiday
But it's a drinking holiday, so celebrate away
Drinking green beer
Spreading good cheer
To the Irish and non, Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I don't really drink beer. I usually just stick to the hard stuff.

But waiting to get off work, going bonkers and berserk.
Hehehe
Logan Robertson May 2017
The Belle Rang His Bell


night sweets for knight tiptoeing into her suite
his horse's beat, turning her hoarse red as a beet
please my boughs, she pleas then bows
he rode the road, horse's rose to red rows
as waves mete, cries of more amore for their meet

Logan Robertson

5/18/17
ottaross Aug 2015
When a rain-storm surprised the city
Passers-by looked down with pity
At a large group of nutters
Inspecting the gutters
An unfortunate planning committee.

They decided today was good timing
Below-streets they soon were climbing
Where the gutters connect
To the sewers they checked
And all got a very good sliming.
Who can resist a little limerick action?
Logan Robertson Apr 2017
He stopped at her rose garden to explore
Beckoning rose petals awed of colorful lore
With pillow eyes so soft
He's invited into her loft
She raced fast as he kept banging at her door

LR-4/26/17
Limerick
There once was a farmer who said,
I’m feeling so light in my head.

My joints and my bones just ache,
And they squeak and pop when I rake.

He went to the doctor for advice,
The doctor said, overall, you look nice.

But your blood is as heavy as lead,
So I think you need to be bled.

With many a phlebotomies,
I felt ever bit of me,
Twas draining with each drop of blood.

But now I feel fine,
But I still can’t drink my wine

For the iron will always be part of me!
Hemochromatosis is a Hereditary condition that signals the body to absorb too much Iron.  Commonly found in those with a heritage of Northern Europe ancestry.  A simple blood test will tell the story.
Logan Robertson May 2017
beauty kept swimming tense in ****** pond
an **** duckling on her tail growing fond
lil ducky he feathers so pluck
lil bare swan his sitting duck
her maiden voyage abate for his magic wand

LR-5/12/17
Steve Apr 2016
There once was a poet called Paul
Who couldn't write poetry at all
He wrote from the heart
About a thorny old ****
While she was out having a ball
Paul Hansford May 2016
... but they usually are.

I

"Hurry up and put the dog out," my dear wife said to me.
Well, I'd heard that cry before, when he had to do a wee.
But when I went to fetch his lead,
she said, "That isn't what you need.
He's been sleeping on the hearthrug. He's on fire, can't you see?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

II

They were going to start a new life,
childhood sweethearts become man and wife.
But a drunken stag-night
ended up in a fight,
and someone had taken a knife.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

III       Bonfire Night (written by an anarchist)

Please don't remember
the fifth of November!
Don't commemorate failure in rhyme.
Guy Fawkes, the great berk,
couldn't make the thing work.
We'll have to try harder next time.

*(It's not a proper limerick, but anarchists don't believe in rules.)
Steve Apr 2016
Here's a tale of an Arabian night
Smooth chocolate skin, a succulent sight
Pink soft jelly between your teeth
And scented juices underneath
Should you **** or should you bite
These are the mysteries of Turkish Delight
Logan Robertson Jun 2017
His Key Unlocked Her Door

As the piano man plays her song
The ivories of his eyes dance along
He plays on her keys
The sweetest melodies
Rising onto his pitch her heart twang

Logan Robertson

6/07/17
there once was a gulyas-blonde assident
who posed as a white house full resident
his deplorable style
proved him an imbecile
disgruntling quite a few global presidents
gulyas - a rich meat stew highly seasoned with paprika
goulash, Hungarian goulash
Knit Personality Jul 2018
There once was a player named Morgan
Who played all day long with his *****:
     He played with it majorly,
     Sadistically, and ragerly,
That claw-handed, hairy-palmed Morgan.  

There once was a confident nudist,
The rudest of nudists, and lewdest,
     Who'd offer a toot
     On his flesh-and-bone flute,
Declaring he'd make you a flutist.

There once was a wandering hobo
Who wandered from NoBo to SoBo
     Whilst whistling merrily,
     Gladly, and verily
Mozart's concerto for oboe.

#
Logan Robertson May 2018
jack sought a *** of gold in his dream
jill rose from the bottom of his stream
like a hooked fish
she jumped his dish
riches nice, but silver gave him a scream

Logan Robertson

5/10/18
Lainey Jun 2017
There once was a Cardinal Pell, whose innocence didn't quite gel. He made Atheists hope and concur with the Pope that hopefully there is a ****.
Logan Robertson Aug 2018
Michael Jackson sang Billy Jean
Made the audience swoon and preen
There his hands stood
Dare he knocks on wood
A grab of crotch departs of his gene

Logan Robertson

8/20/2018
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