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Knit Personality Jul 2016
A limerick should always be witty
And ***** and filthy and gritty.
   A good one has wit,
   And some *** or some ****;
And a clean one is sure to be ******.

#
Knit Personality Jul 2018
There once was a player named Morgan
Who played all day long with his *****:
     He played with it majorly,
     Sadistically, and ragerly,
That claw-handed, hairy-palmed Morgan.  

There once was a confident nudist,
The rudest of nudists, and lewdest,
     Who'd offer a toot
     On his flesh-and-bone flute,
Declaring he'd make you a flutist.

There once was a wandering hobo
Who wandered from NoBo to SoBo
     Whilst whistling merrily,
     Gladly, and verily
Mozart's concerto for oboe.

#
Cné Mar 2017
Think of me, just my tongue gliding from the bottom to the very tip,
Dreaming only of a tasteful sip
Under the table
If I'm able
To catch just a simple drip.
Don't blame me, inspired by the man in a boring meeting with only time to ****.
Paul Hansford May 2016
... and this one isn't.


They were going to start a new life,
childhood sweethearts become man and wife.
But a drunken stag-night
ended up in a fight,
and someone had taken a knife.
James Court Nov 2018
The versatile buttcrack abounds with
such skills as 'that thing you sit down with'.
Such a wonderful tool 'tis,
but what I find more cool is
it's an awf'lly fun thing to make sounds with.
Knit Personality Mar 2017
A serious limerick is awful!
It's sinful and ought be unlawful!
   A limerick should tickle
   Your funny bone-pickle  
With humor that's downright guffawful!

#
Cné Mar 2017
Dare I relinquish all control
For the sake of a story not yet told
Of lust and love
And mushy stuff
To be yours forever to unfold and thus behold?
Yikes... where did that come from...
Cné Jun 2017
James
Trying to find a place to ***
I went behind a big o'l tree
She saw me there
Completely bare
Then we became a WEE!!

TF
Oh the deepest trouble, *****
Playing with girls, that sin
just ware these words
don't think her absurd
when she wondering says, "is it in?"

Cné
So glad for you, on getting some
while relieving yourself, on the run
Girls that sin
worderin'
bored, did she ask, "Did you ***?
Or are you done?"

Sorry boys, just having fun!

James
Hey, welcome aboard
if you're feelin' bored
just give it a rub
but not a snub
that's how we scored

TF
Y'all are so bad, yes it's true
just tell me when your through
pushing, pulling
tweaking, fulfilling
your hands now full, of goo

Cné
How could I be bored, with the likes of you two
in need of rubbing, please don't be blue
Make no mistake
I have what it takes
especially, for men well overdue

TF
Talented and beautiful too
always pulling it through
it must be fate
it's always so great
getting a tugging, from you

James
Walking the streets before dawn
you looked and her light was on
you saw her fare
but didn't care
and wonder where your money's all gone

James
Poor Bill, he never did learn
he saved all the money he could earn
to pay a sweet lady
at place that was shady
and wonders why his pecker still burns

TF
Bill never learned his lesson
the burn just grew, not lessened
he never went back
his pecker he lacks
no more ****** sessions

TF
The ladies of the evening
sights beyond believing
the things they do
while making you
penniless, and leaving

Cné
A working girl, works it
with Johns, turning tricks
*******
and f¥€king
can't blame her, for getting you sick

TF
The doctor told her to take a break
her body one day, might break
all that cavorting
and oral contorting
she just really loved, her tube steaks

James**
He told her to take a seat
when she really wanted a treat
she was feelin' dry
and wasn't shy
And so she went after his meat

James
Cruising the streets just chillin'
searchin' for a chick just millin'
She shook her ***
I couldn't pass
Oh, well, another shot of penicillin

TF
Something's wrong with Suzy
something oozing, from her coozie
she scratches at an itch
her john's just call her a *****
that's the sum of it, laying down, with floozies

Cné
Suzy was rode hard, put up wet
with men on the street corner she met
Wiggling her ***
for just a little cash
***** status. she earned, you bet

Disclaimer: It just gets sicker from here...

James
Went to the bathroom to sit on the ***
I like to **** while I'm on the clock
There wasn't any paper
I used a finger scraper
I might better had used my sock

TF
Now if there's one thing I know
being a clock, that's fast, and not slow
fingers be scraping
flecks are escaping
****, will under the fingernails, go

Cné to James
Please wash your hands before you eat
Be careful cruisin' down the street
or chillin'
with penicillin
I fear a terrible peril soon, you will meet!
Knit Personality Mar 2017
He wouldn't compose a cantata,
A symphony, song, or sonata:
   The best of his best
   Is a piece that's one rest
Played forte and with a fermata.

#
ConnectHook Sep 2015
†           †           †    

A quorum of biblical scholars
turned their doubts into thousands of dollars.
Armed with Document Q
they revealed nothing new
but the dirt neath’ the white of their collars.

A proud “health & wealth” Oklahoman
was renowned as a gospel-tent showman.
While the scriptures he twisted,
their tithing assisted
his rise from poor hick to rich Roman.

A sexually diverse professor
(assured he was not a transgressor)
spoke only of openness
glossing sin’s brokenness;
rainbows and tolerance – yes sir.

A Mormon, who lost his own ephod
Realized he was running quite slipshod
and invoked Joseph Smith.
(Yes, it may be a myth –
but it’s not like misplacing your I-pod…)

A Christian whose faith was prophetic
held to views that were truly pathetic.
This crazed Pentecostal,
not quite an apostle,
had taken an End-Times emetic.

A sober and staid Presbyterian
was distrustful of thoughts millenarian.
After smoking some bud,
he awoke with a thud;
in his sleep he’d become Rastafarian.

A preacher who fleeced his disciples
overdrew his own balance of scruples.
He was finally captured
(defrocked and un-raptured)
and rent by his destitute pupils.

A sister who waxed Pentecostal,
mistook herself for an apostle
Speaking pure glossolalia
she sure could regale ya’
with prophecy; crazy – but docile.
What's wrong? Too hard to LIKE me ?
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  

         †           †           †
Cné Mar 2017
Normally I don't celebrate a one day holiday
But it's a drinking holiday, so celebrate away
Drinking green beer
Spreading good cheer
To the Irish and non, Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I don't really drink beer. I usually just stick to the hard stuff.

But waiting to get off work, going bonkers and berserk.
Hehehe
Logan Robertson May 2017
The Belle Rang His Bell


night sweets for knight tiptoeing into her suite
his horse's beat, turning her hoarse red as a beet
please my boughs, she pleas then bows
he rode the road, horse's rose to red rows
as waves mete, cries of more amore for their meet

Logan Robertson

5/18/17
Knit Personality Jun 2017
An alcomoholic named Moses
Drank one day the largest of doses:
   He drank so much liquor
   He never was sicker
Until he developed cirrhosis.

O.O
ottaross Aug 2015
When a rain-storm surprised the city
Passers-by looked down with pity
At a large group of nutters
Inspecting the gutters
An unfortunate planning committee.

They decided today was good timing
Below-streets they soon were climbing
Where the gutters connect
To the sewers they checked
And all got a very good sliming.
Who can resist a little limerick action?
Knit Personality Jun 2017
There once was a man from Green Bay
Who made it a habit each day
   To ****** an udder
   And churn his own butter,
Then go for a nap in the hay.

#
Knit Personality Jun 2017
A leprechaun lives (I've been told)
Distributes the best *** o' gold:
   He grows pounds of flowers
   With magical powers,
And over the rainbow 't is sold.

O.O
Knit Personality Jun 2017
A limerick is laid link by link.
It falls like a chain down a sink.
   It goes down the drain
   Like a free-falling train,
And lands with a twist and a kink.

#
Logan Robertson Apr 2017
He stopped at her rose garden to explore
Beckoning rose petals awed of colorful lore
With pillow eyes so soft
He's invited into her loft
She raced fast as he kept banging at her door

LR-4/26/17
Limerick
Lainey Jun 2017
There once was a Cardinal Pell,
whose innocence didn't quite gel.
He made Atheists hope
(and concur with the Pope)
that hopefully there is a hell.
Knit Personality Jul 2017
There once was a boy bear named Eddie
Who knocked up a girl bear named Betty:
   They had a big litter
   Of cubs that would titter
And totter, half Polar, half Teddy.

#
Knit Personality Mar 2017
I. Marvelous Blarney
There once was a man from Killarney
Who looked like a lumpy Art Carney:
   His cup, though, was brimmin'
   With beautiful women
Because he spoke marvelous blarney.

II. ***** Girl
There once was a ***** young druid
Who watched as a woman bathed nuid:
   She got out the tub,
   And she gave him a rub,
And he slimed her with seminal fluid.  


Knit Personality Jun 2017
Sol
Correctly or not, Sol Don Dunce
Said never a limerick—not once
   Had ever been written
   Worth half a dead kitten,
And all in the species were runts.  

O.O
There once was a farmer who said,
I’m feeling so light in my head.

My joints and my bones just ache,
And they squeak and pop when I rake.

He went to the doctor for advice,
The doctor said, overall, you look nice.

But your blood is as heavy as lead,
So I think you need to be bled.

With many a phlebotomies,
I felt ever bit of me,
Twas draining with each drop of blood.

But now I feel fine,
But I still can’t drink my wine

For the iron will always be part of me!
Hemochromatosis is a Hereditary condition that signals the body to absorb too much Iron.  Commonly found in those with a heritage of Northern Europe ancestry.  A simple blood test will tell the story.
Knit Personality May 2018
A miracle performed on the flute
Was sounded in one single toot:
    A flutist spontaneously
    Played simultaneously
The fifth and the third and the root.  

#
Knit Personality Oct 2016
The murderous Kankers went off in a Sieve
   To cross the ****** Sea;  
And all of their friends cried, "Happy dead ends!"
   Maliciously nice as could be,
   Their mouths full of moldy Brie.  

The night was bright with yellow light;
   A lightning storm arose.
The Kankers flew a metal kite
   That looked like a boogery nose.
The ****** Sea delighted to bite
   A rain of torrible crows.

The Sieve was downed; the Kankers were drowned.
   Their bodies washed ashore
   Where they set sail for,
   The hills of the Chankly Bore.
Their smiling faces looked up from the ground
   And sang this runcible round:—

"A bat and a rat and a cat
Convened for a quatical chat:
   They plotted a killing—
   A ****** most chilling—
Of bumps in the night that go SPLAT!"

O.O
Knit Personality Jun 2017
A woman awoke with a bite,
Two punctures that happened at night.
   She works with two Ronalds
   At night at McDonald's,
And flees from the dawn's early light.

O.O
Logan Robertson May 2017
beauty kept swimming tense in ****** pond
an **** duckling on her tail growing fond
lil ducky he feathers so pluck
lil bare swan his sitting duck
her maiden voyage abate for his magic wand

LR-5/12/17
Knit Personality Jul 2017
There was a theatrical fellow
Who played most bizarrely the cello:
   His sound supersonic,
   His air histrionic,
He jiggled vibratos like jello.

#
Penning down the thoughts
Am I not done with the words
Have I used them all?

Round and round
Thoughts and words
In the loop bound


The thoughts have been naughty
Jump off the mind cliff,  doughty
Don’t want to be worded
Flight to nowhere boarded
Off the radar crash land , all spotty
Knit Personality Jun 2017
A man from McFarland once *******
His pants, which were too tightly fitted:
   He popped a low squat,
   And he ******* a lot,
And it squished out his pants when they splitted.

#
Knit Personality Jun 2017
There once was a sneezer named Mose.
He'd sneeze to the tips of his toes.
   He once sneezed so heinous
   He puked out his ****,
And blew out his brains through his nose.

O.O
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