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Shaded Lamp Aug 2014
Up on a feathered duvet a man conceding defeat
To the Sunday that had just begun
Reeking of last night’s sweat, smoke and self-deceit
Threads of reality so rapidly un-spun

All that he promised himself to accomplish this day
All that stuff to be tossed in the bin
Procrastination rearranges plans or lets them decay
And all because of his love for gin

Amnesia of last night’s antics plants the seeds of guilt
Shame shall be his shadow today
Enter a recurring thought... a sword driven to its hilt
Piercing pain added to his dismay

Rusted cogs of cognition screeched slowly into action
"A cure" he grumbled "A cure"
Wearily off the bed searching for medicinal satisfaction
To make last night less obscure

The stark bright light of the bathroom fried his vision
But as his senses normalized
He stared in the mirror shocked, BANG! In a collision
Mouth agape and paralyzed

Finger painted on his forehead, with what must be blood
G    U    I    L    T   Y
From down stairs somewhere
A woman's laugh
Mocking
Fear took its grip quick

A sword driven to its hilt



Part 2 of 6
a sword driven to its hilt


Arctic chills froze his spine
Pick axes hacked his mind
Tongue pickled in brine
Suffocated and confined
Heart beat pounding
Breathing short and quick
Terror was abounding
Throat swallowing a brick

Staring at his reflection . . . G U I L T Y
Unable move any limb
Even for his protection
Return of memory grim . . . a sword driven to its hilt

Back to the bed room to search for his phone
To make contact with the real world
From down stairs came that exact same laugh
Every hair on his body tightly curled
The phone was nowhere to be found upstairs
Again that tormenting laughter
He called out "Who is it?" but only silence replied
Then that laugh again soon after
"WHO ARE YOU?!" he demanded to know
Arming himself with a cricket bat
Tentatively descending the sweeping staircase
Noticing the post on the door mat
The newspaper informed him it was Monday
Confused, frightened he ran outside
A burnt pile of his clothes lay in front of his door
He yelled but only the laughter replied

Then through the dining room bay-window
Sitting at the table as if a patient guest
A gruesome wide eyed greying corpse of a man  
A sword driven in his head and out his breast

In the dead man’s hand a glowing phone
The source of the tormenting laugh
Not thinking, our man rushed in to take it
The phone flashed "maintenance staff"

Every sense heightened
Sickened and frightened
Feeling he was being observed
Part of a wicked game
Driving him insane
But so far he had been preserved
As he answered the phone
He knew he was not alone
"Hello sir... I hope I haven't disturbed"
------------------------------------------------------­-----------

part 3 of 6

Saturday Night


The late afternoon sun draped its golden satin light
To the house-staff, Giles (our man) seemed uptight
The butler Zamira dutifully stirring his drink right

The sun dipped behind the poplar trees standing straight
He orders "A Churchill  martini" trying not to sound irate
Giles watched her stirring, stirring as in a hypnotic state

Zamira presented a chilled, frosted Riedel martini glass to him
brimming to the top with Gilpins Westmorland extra dry gin
The sun slowly sank behind trees as the drink loosened his limbs
"You may both leave, till Tuesday" He said to Zamira and her twin
Liliana (the cook) and the butler were often dismissed at his whim
They sped off in their green MG, off to the Slaughtered lamb inn

Giles raised his glass to the bobbing full hunters moon
Waiting was now over, the others would be here soon
First a pinch of Peruvian sniffed from a little silver spoon

This day had been prepared in detail for nearly a year
One final act of courage and tenacity he must engineer
All hushed except the sound of large cars drawing near

Four black Jaguars and a white refrigerated van

Crunched over the gravel drive towards (our man)

Giles Bradshaw-Behran stood still.

It had began.

---------------------------------------------------------­--

Part 4 of 6

three years earlier

The Gallows and Noose


"This, THIS! I'm so tired of all THIS!"
Blurted Giles as Zamira dressed his wrists
Pathetic! (She thought) A dismal attempt
Then left the room concealing contempt
Giles just stared at the

drip

drip

drip

dripping of the morphine
Candle light danced on the walls
The demons sank back into the shadows
Giles returned to the womb
Basking in weightless warmth
Comfortably apathetic
Numb

The drudgery of the next day unfurled
As Giles accepted defeat around noon
Something had to be done about life
That something had better happen soon
  
He brunched in his office
and so began his search
All that day
and night
that week
That month

Deeper into the cavernous "dark web"
seeking any answer to end his despair
but every search became a cul-de-sac
No doors opened for this millionaire
No doors would open
All remained firmly locked
Sitting in his office chair
Feverishly typing as he rocked
He rocked as he typed
He swivelled as he clicked
Searching for something
That he was less able to predict

But that something found him
And sent him an invitation
Explaining that they had been watching
Seeing his frustration
Understanding his world view
May he could understand theirs
But before he were to be accepted
He must climb down the seven stairs
He
      Must
                Climb
                           Down
                                     The
                                           Seven
                                                      Stairs
Dis­tant from the blinding light
Cast yourself from the hallows
Embrace darkness embrace night
Take the Noose and the Gallows.

The mouse pointer hovered
over options "Yes" and "No"
His heart beat quickened
But then came the red glow
of two laser beams from directly behind
circling the yes option
From past the windows' opened blind
"Yes" and the two red dots disappeared
The wheels were put in motion
His future was now commandeered
A force that seemed greater than him
Changed the rules and took control
Embers deep inside of him flickered
Re-igniting the coals of his dark soul

The seven steps awaited him...
What ever could they be?


-----------------------------------------------------------­


part 5 of 6

The Seven Steps of The Thuggee


Giles sat statue still in his office
Unsure whether or not he should move
Like a hunted deer in the woods
Waiting for chances of survival to improve

And yet though he were vulnerable
Life coursed through every artery and vein
The lost keystone of his arched spirit
The panacea for tedious boredom and pain

DING! ****! The doorbell rang
"Zamira, who is it? Can you please see?"
Footsteps approached the front entrance
Giles felt instinctively "fight or flee"

He sat with silence looming over him
For what seemed like an eternity
"****** ancient bell!" he shouted
"This whole house repels modernity!"

Down stairs
At the entrance
The Cuban butler stared out into the night
Looking for a sign
Looking for who...
Who had left the parcel she now clutched tight

No one
Nothing
But for the song of a lonely nightingale
She hurried
To the office
Where she found her employer looking pale

Zamira explained what had happened
And handed him the black wrapped box
"Would you like me to open it Sir?"
"No! I would like... a chartreuse on the rocks"

She left to attend to his request

For the attention of Mr. G. Bradshaw-Behram
Soon after the two laser beams were on the wrapping
Inside the box was a detailed program
A history of the Thuggee cult and a Thuggee king

The Thuggee King called BEHRAM!
Behram, BEHRAM! His late mother’s family name
A Thuggee cult King relative?
With over 900 hundred murders to that man’s claim

900 strangled victims
To please Goddess Kali
Every drop of blood for her
So humanity can be free

Zamira returned with his drink
Giles had never needed one so much
The following weeks more instruction came

Weeks just turned to months
Months quickly turned to years
Six of the secret steps complete
So many grotesque souvenirs

All leading to this moment
On his lawn under the hunters moon
The waiting was now over
The others would be here very soon
First a pinch of Peruvian
Sniffed from his pretty little silver spoon
Adjusting his cummerbund
That soon would erase two souls fortune

Four black Jaguars and a refrigerated van
Crunched over the gravel drive to our man
Giles stood still and smiled, for it had began

Each of the six women and the six men
Were concealed with hoods and veils
But Giles' face was not hidden from them
Now that he controls the final inhales

Deep in the candle light of the wine cellar
Which had been prepared with plastic sheets and tape
A skirt of dismembered arms on an altar
A grim garland of forty eight human skulls, mouths agape

But fifty skulls are required
According to the ancient text
Two more to soon be provided
Giles planned to do that next

"Bring the two travellers to me" demanded Giles
"Let me send them on their final way"
Eight of the group left and within minutes returned
With four bound, hooded for him to slay.

Giles felt suddenly unable to function
"This was not meant to be!"
"The others witnessed the abduction, Sir"
"They...will not please Kali"

"Stand those women over there
Tie them back to back
Make sure your knots are fixed
Offer them no slack!"

The silk cummerbund slid
Effortlessly off his waist
Weighted near the middle
To offer death less haste
The first of the male offerings
Only kicked for 30 seconds
the world stopped moving when
the other felt the silk band

The back to back females started spinning
Their hoods removed and ******* gone
Giles did not look up to see who he knew
Focused solely on continuing strangulation

This time the Thuggee's had another view
Zamira and Liliana in a blurring spin
Black of space and ocean of deep blue
Zamira angered, Liliana peaceful grin

All but their arms becoming one
Morphing seamlessly into each other
The (previously twin) sisters had become
The universe's all powerful mother

          K A L I...


Final part

Nothing escapes the all-consuming march of time!


As KALI consumed time and space
Her dimensions grew and grew
Her skin darkened to deep space black
From unfathomable ocean blue
Rivers of obsidian flowed as her wild hair
Untamed, magnificent, streaming
Three blood red eyes past, present, future
Decided who needed redeeming
Four arms, three of which were grasping
A sword, a spear, a bowl
The fourth grabbed a Thuggee's head
Sword decapitated the soul
A crimson red snake of a tongue lashed
Out for every drop of blood
Then the sword slashed every throat there
Her tongue lapped up the flood
KALI'S gaze finally cast upon terrified Giles
Evaporating his body with fire
His conscience was that remained in that dimension
His conscience changed KALI'S desire
Frightful fury morphed in to motherly compassion
Her skin back from black to blue
Spewing out rearranged history, time and space
No other being could construe
But a mother must teach her children lessons
So she left Giles not without guilt
A ****** message painted on his forehead
And a sword driven to its hilt

*THE END!
I know, ****** long and therefor wont be read by many but I just thought it should be posted as one document.
Robert Evenson Aug 2017
Liliana,
¿está mal que esté celoso del vaso que toca tus labios lucios? o el sol de la mañana que acaricia tu suave piel?
¿es incorrecto que soy celoso del viento de la tarde que suavemente mueve su pelo sedoso?
Y la música que penitrates tu alma?
Es malo que estoy celoso del espejo que ve y refleja tus ojos como la luz de la luna sobre un mar en calma?
¿está mal que esté celoso de la ropa que abraza tu cuerpo como me gusta hacer? O la música que llena tu alma con pasión?
¿es incorrecto que soy celoso del gatito que le hace sonreír? ¿y la almohada que acuna suavemente tu cabeza mientras sueñas?
¿está mal que estoy celoso de aquellos que pueden escuchar la música encantadora que es su voz? ¿o aquellos que pueden ver la forma en que camina con elegancia como una princesa en una película?
¿es incorrecto que en su ausencia parezco a un barco sin un timón? ¿o que te echo tanto de menos es como un dolor físico?
Si todos estos sentimientos están equivocados nunca voy a ser correcto, porque las palabras en este poema nunca puede ser suficiente para decirte cuánto te amo.
Shaded Lamp Aug 2014
part 5 of*  6

The Seven Steps of The Thuggee

Giles sat statue still in his office
Unsure whether or not he should move
Like a hunted deer in the woods
Waiting for chances of survival to improve

And yet though he were vulnerable
Life coursed through every artery and vein
The lost keystone of his arched spirit
The panacea for tedious boredom and pain

DING! ****! the door bell rang
"Zamira, who is it? Can you please see?"
Footsteps approached the front entrance
Giles felt instinctively "fight or flee"

He sat with silence looming over him
For what seemed like an eternity
"****** ancient bell!" he shouted
"This whole house repels modernity!"

Down stairs
At the entrance
The Cuban butler stared out into the night
Looking for a sign
Looking for who...
Who had left the parcel she now clutched tight

No one
Nothing
But for the song of a lonely nightingale
She hurried
To the office
Where she found her employer looking pale

Zamira explained what had happened
And handed him the black wrapped box
"Would you like me to open it Sir?"
"No! I would like... a chartreuse on the rocks"

She left to attend to his request

For the attention of Mr. G. Bradshaw-Behram
Soon after the two laser beams were on the wrapping
Inside the box was a detailed program
A history of the Thuggee cult and a Thuggee king

The Thuggee King called BEHRAM!
Behram, BEHRAM! his late mothers family name
A Thuggee cult King relative?
With over 900 hundred murders to that mans claim

900 strangled victims
To please Goddess Kali
Every drop of blood for her
So humanity can be free

Zamira returned with his drink
Giles had never needed one so much
The following weeks more instruction came

Weeks just turned to months
Months quickly turned to years
Six of the secret steps complete
So many grotesque souvenirs

All leading to this moment
On his lawn under the hunters moon
The waiting was now over
The others would be here very soon
First a pinch of Peruvian
Sniffed from his pretty little silver spoon
Adjusting his cummerbund
That soon would erase two souls fortune

Four black Jaguars and a refrigerated van
Crunched over the gravel drive to our man
Giles stood still and smiled, for it had began

Each of the six women and the six men
Were concealed with hoods and veils
But Giles' face was not hidden from them
Now that he controls the final inhales

Deep in the candle light of the wine cellar
Which had been prepared with plastic sheets and tape
A skirt of dismembered arms on an altar
A grim garland of forty eight human skulls, mouths agape

But fifty skulls are required
According to the ancient text
Two more to soon be provided
Giles planned to do that next

"Bring the two travelers to me" demanded Giles
"Let me send them on their final way"
Eight of the group left and within minutes returned
With four bound, hooded for him to slay.

Giles felt suddenly unable to function
"This was not meant to be!"
"The others witnessed the abduction, Sir"
"They...will not please Kali"

"Stand those women over there
Tie them back to back
Make sure your knots are fixed
Offer them no slack!"

The silk cummerbund slid
Effortlessly off his waist
Weighted near the middle
To offer death less haste
The first of the male offerings
Only kicked for 30 seconds
the world stopped moving when
the other felt the silk band

The back to back females started spinning
Their hoods removed and ******* gone
Giles did not look up to see who he knew
Focused solely on continuing strangulation

This time the Thuggee's had another view
Zamira and Liliana in a blurring spin
Black of space and ocean of deep blue
Zamira angered, Liliana peaceful grin

All but their arms becoming one
Morphing seamlessly into each other
The (previously twin) sisters had become
The universe's all powerful mother

                     K A L I...
I hope you like where this has lead us
The Grand Finale shall be posted in a few hours
O dia que chegou tão depressa ao seu final,
Trouxe-me a certeza de uma noite fria e pálida,
Onde chego à cama, e espero ver-te ali deitada,
Pelos tempos fora, sinto a certeza desse sinal!

Foram três longos anos de vazio, tais como os teus sinais,
As estrelas que carregas nos ombros, são juntas na tua lua,
São profundos sonhos de um golfinho que a ti, se junta, lua tua,
Imensas vezes, a olhei, para te ver a ti brilhar em vendavais!

Hoje percebo porque sentia e via o meu quarto sempre vazio,
Quando chegaste em dia de temporal, na noite sadia e vadia,
Estava eu junto daquele precipício, esperando sair desse presidio,
De cores sem tom, de cheiros sem fragância, naquela estadia!

E assim nas voltas que dei, das estrelas que vi, tu chegas-te,
Mesmo na hora que tudo parecia perdido, desenhada perfeitamente,
E de todas as preces e palavras que preguei a Deus e ele me advir-te,
Trazendo-te a ti, contornada de perfeitas coisas, cantando acusticamente!

E assim percebi que a força que têm a cobardia de destruição,
De um coração como o meu, perfeitamente bom e agora teu,
Me dá ganas de pegar em ti, ao meu colo teu, deitar-te no céu,
Decorar as estrelas, contigo no centro, meu quarto cresceu, paixão!

Autor: António Benigno
Escusado será dizer-te a ti, que te vejo, sabia que virias, não te imaginava chegando, mas surpreendentemente, tudo que lhe havia pedido, ele me trouxe triplicando, abusando mesmo de galhardia, e eu agora me contemplando, porque tudo que me trazia, era muito mais do que lhe pedia. Liliana, lhe peço agora mesmo, que meu coração mereça sempre, tudo aquilo que Deus me prometia.
Penso eu, que a plenitude de uma vida,
Não é ir ao mercado e comprar felicidade,
É sim, sem muito contar, adquirir uma dívida,
Não cobrável, muito menos reembolsável!

Os meus planos eram meramente vagos,
Seguia um caminho longo, sem ambição,
Pouco mais do que sobreviver meu coração,
Não havia muito sentido para estes lados!

Contudo, e porque eu agora acredito no destino,
Estes anos todos me preparei como homem,
Para que agora, sem contar, visse o céu divino,
Que Deus me quis dar! Deixei de ser lobisomem!

Decidi mesmo despir todas as vestimentas faciais,
Sem dúvidas e calmamente feliz, me dou todo a ti,
Porque nessa mulher fantástica, cheia de sonhos, eu vi,
O amor de verdade, nosso, de segredos confidenciais!

Decidi logo ao fim de poucas horas da minha presença,
Frente aos teus olhos directos e sorriso espontâneo,
Entregar a ti, em tuas mãos, o meu sonho, contemporâneo,
Nunca senti necessidade de te pedir a ti qualquer licença!

E a chave do meu mundo, dos meus sonhos, te dou agora na mão,
Sinto o teu corpo vibrar e felicitar-se, na confiança desta aliança,
Melhor que um anel, um qualquer contrato ou confissão,
É hoje sentir que sou feliz e não tenho qualquer fiança!

O preço dos meus sonhos, da minha felicidade,
Eu te devo a ti mulher, de estimada liberdade,
És ágil, subtil e eu sortudo com imensa vaidade,
Te prometo agora amar, pela nossa eternidade.

Autor: António Benigno
Para ti, Liliana. És o melhor na minha vida…
Sinto o meu corpo voar como um passarinho,
Nos teus braços, sinto conforto do nosso ninho!
Os teus olhos, são a alegria do meu caminho,
E quando chego a ti, sinto mesmo o teu carinho!

Sinto-me a planar no ar como uma pena,
A energia que vem de ti, me é tão amena,
O teu perfume cor de energia tão plena,
Teu abraço único é meu, querida Liliana!

Nada é igual a ti, à tua doce presença,
Tua imagem, sempre uma boa lembrança,
Respiro melhor, estes sonhos de criança,
A vida contigo, é agora a melhor aliança!

Sinto-me tão grande no teu aconchego,
Sinto-me vaidoso da tua companhia,
Sinto a tua presença com muita alegria,
Beijo teu, eu vejo e logo de vontade, pego!

Esta noite eu vou deitar-me alucinado,
Descanso sobre a almofada apaixonado,
É tão leve minha consciência, abobadado,
Vénia pela noite a teu ser, por mim amado!

Autor: António Benigno
Código de autor: 2013.07.23.02.08
Se eu sou neste mundo a lua e tu o sol,
Se tu és a estrela, que me ilumina o meu dia,
Porque teme o sol a lua, se é dela o seu brilho?
Aparecerei nos momentos da tua maior luz,
Nos dias fantásticos de magia da tua alegria,
Na beleza da continuidade dos teus dias,
Na herança dos nossos corpos unidos,
Eu, lua, estarei ali, junto de ti, quando deres à luz!
Quando estiver eu no céu pela manha,
Esperando que chegues aos meus braços,
Estarei ali para brilhar junto contigo,
O meu brilho será reflectido para ti,
Apesar das voltas que dês no mundo,
Eu, estarei ali, sempre esperando por ti!
Quando nos dias perderes o brilho,
Virei abraçar-te para te mostrar que estou contigo,
Leva os dias comigo, preciso de ti como és,
Nos teus momentos de alegria e tristeza,
Porque só assim eu poderei amar-te,
Fazer-te a surpresa da minha companhia,
E dar-te a ti a força e manter o teu lindo brilho,
Em tão poucos dias que tem a nossa eternidade,
Nas voltas todas que deu o mundo sobre nós,
És o centro do mundo minha estrela brilhante,
Não é um acaso é uma certeza bem divina,
Não é coincidência, para nós é evidência,
Darei voltas sempre sobre ti e pela terra,
Porque ela é a família que temos
E aquela que um dia com o teu dar de luz faremos,
Mas eu e a família que é nossa,
Há tua volta com tua luz, viveremos.
Te adoro muito mesmo, Liliana minha estrela!

Autor: António Benigno
Esta é a lógica do que fazemos
Liliana Sep 2011
The unspoken entity, that follows me daily. Whether it be upon my back burdening me with its weight heavy in emotions and dark thoughts… or at a distance hidden but felt easily. The darkness… that is the beast’s shadow. While its shadow may weigh heavily upon any who fall prey to its feel, the beast itself is a force to be reckoned with. Those that have fought off the beast know that even being in its presence is the lowest that they have ever found themselves within the depths of their minds. However, those that have only experienced its shadow know that the beast’s shadow is not easily dealt with either. So we must drudge on until we find a moment in which we might escape the beast and it’s shadow all together.


Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
the beast for me =the deepest depression and despair...aka very close to suicide
its shadow = any level of unhappyness that is not too deep
the darkness= both the beast and its shadow...but can mean either or both
Liliana Farinha Jun 2013
4 AM and here I am
Still awake
Looking for nowhere
My walls are empty
But my mind are fully
Thinkin in what
I don't give a ****.
They are thoughts
And they are enough.
Tonight is cold
And the stars are gold
It makes no sense
What is in my conscience
Body is warm
The clock tic tac
Now it's four and thirty
And I'm thirsty
Not for a drink
But for a dream.
And it still make no sense
What is in my conscience
Or wait,
Maybe I'm not awake.
Now make any sense
This talk with my inconscience.

*by Liliana Farinha
Liliana Sep 2011
The serenity of my mind’s eye brings me to the most wondrous place I have ever been. As I step the crevice in the mountainous rock face, it widens, bringing me to a large cavern. I step further into the cavern’s expansive main chamber, I come upon three tunnels…each different and unique in appearance. However, the one that intrigues me the most has a faint glow coming from it. As I step towards the tunnel cautiously, the glow a distinct blue haze. I dare not tarry any longer than necessary, so I pick up my pace to finally come to the end of the long tunnel. My breath catches within my breast as the tunnel opens up into another cavern that seems to go for miles on end. Beneath my feet, I come to realize the feel of something soft yet prickly. I bend down to investigate and to my astonishment find that I am standing on grass. This is no ordinary grass as it is a dark bluish black with a soft faint glow to it. As my eyes adjust further to the new light source, I find that the cavern is filled with plants of the same color and faint glow. All of these plants as far as I can see, are ten times the size as their real life counterparts. My eyes then wander skywards as movement catches my gaze. It is then I notice black vine-like tendrils swaying back and forth within a nonexistent breeze, the very tips of which also glow faintly, brushing up against the plants upon the ground lightly. It’s then that I come to from my venture into the depths of my mind. I sit here not only further at peace with myself, but in awe of the beauty I just witnessed. I also await my next venture within that wondrous world I have discovered.


Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
(not really a poem...but i find my ventures while meditating to be poetic themselves)
Como um quadro pintado em abstrato,
Assim descrevo a paisagem que hoje piso,
Não tenho duvidas, nem temo as certezas,
O melhor do caminho, guardo eu comigo!

Secretamente, abriu-se a porta, pelas mãos suaves,
De um corpo penetrante, dirigido pelo olhar amarrado,
Nas pernas se sentiu o gosto, de um paço apressado,
Rumando certeiramente, a favor daquilo que amava!

Nunca, nunca deixou de ser teu, apenas temeu,
Temeu não ser para ti e se fez homem quando te viu,
Viu-te sorrir profundamente, na primeira vez que chegas-te,
Percebendo logo, que chegou também o amor que procura-te!

E assim que pedras tenha o mar,
Que muita chuva mesmo, caia do ar,
Que os raios de trovão, ecoem pelos céus,
E os terramotos, abalem toda a terra!

Mas nunca mais eu quero ver-te distante,
Chamar-te e não me ouvires,
Sorrir e não poder, ser por ti!
Se pude amar-te, que agora, seja sempre!

Autor: António Benigno
Para ti Liliana Patrícia.
Código de autor: 2013.07.20.02.06
Shaded Lamp Aug 2014
part 3 of 5

Saturday Night*

The Hunters Moon

The late afternoon sun
draped its golden satin light
To the house-staff, Giles
(our man) seemed uptight
The butler Zamira dutifully
stirring his drink right

The sun dipped behind
the poplar trees standing straight
He orders "A Churchill martini"
trying not to sound irate
Giles watched her stirring
stirring as in a hypnotic state

Zamira presented a chilled
frosted riedel martini glass to him
brimming to the top with
Gilpins Westmorland extra dry gin
The sun slowly sank behind trees
as the drink loosened each limb
"You may both leave, till Tuesday"
He said to Zamira and her twin
Liliana (the cook) and the butler
were often dismissed at his whim
They sped off in their green MG
off to the Slaughtered lamb inn

Giles raised his glass
to the bobbing full hunters moon
Waiting was now over
the others would be here soon
First a pinch of Peruvian
sniffed from a little silver spoon

This night had been planned
in detail for almost a year
One final act of courage
and tenacity he must engineer
All hushed...but for the sound
of large cars drawing near

Four black Jaguars and a white refrigerated van

Crunched over the gravel drive towards (our man)

Giles Bradshaw-Behram stood still.

It had began.
O.k, so I finally have a direction
Liliana Sep 2011
As I find myself in a state of sorrow, one look from his brown eyes, lifts my spirits greatly. As he nuzzles into my embrace, the smile that plays about my features grows ever more brightly with each moment he continues to show his love. As I lean down to kiss the top of his head, his excitement for my affection and love…begins to show in his being greatly.


Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
Liliana Nov 2011
Winter, I long for your embrace
Your icy tendrils of wind beckon me to your cold embrace
How I long to get lost within you
Your white wall of fury closing in upon me
Chilling me, till my heat stops beating as your cold, dead night swallows me whole

Winter, you have swallowed me whole, yet I still feel
Why do you continue to torment and tease my being
Please I beg of thee...
Let your cold, dark wintery death consume me so that i may blink out of this...existance

I know spring is approaching, but do not weaken
You have immobilized me thus far, end the pain...and consume me completely


Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
Liliana Oct 2011
Stepping out of the sun and into the shadowy cool water of the river

I feel a soft, gentle pull not only at my feet, but at my back towards the sun

Glancing back briefly at the sun before the river tugs at me, urging me onward

Each step I take, it becomes more cold and dark the further and further I am away from the warth of the sun

The tug of the river becomes too much as I lay down, submitting to its pull

Helpless to its strength as no one is there to pull me up from drowning in the river

I glance back once more hoping that someone will save me

Seeing no one, with my last bit of energy I whisper, "I'm sorry" to an unknown source

I can't breath, I can't fight it...

So I bleed out to numb the pain as the river finally drags me under...claiming my life.



Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
Liliana Oct 2011
As I chase a shadow within the night's embrace

I feel the ground tugging at my feet

Looking around and all I see is death surrounding me

The tombstones, they seem to dance around me and mock my existance

I run as fast as my legs will carry me, away from the feel of the night

Roots unearth themselves, tripping and ensnaring me

They pull me down and I scream for assistance and help...but no one answers that call

No sound passes my lips as I am left to fight them off

~Alone again and forevermore~




Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
Liliana Sep 2011
I look out the window, seeking sweet serenity
closing my eyes as the silence and darkness, seep in around me
Reaching out and wanting your touch
clinging to life, as i crave your love and passion
Can you hear me calling out as I fade into the background
wishing for another chance at this life
I hope your concious stays crystal clear...
...as I bleed out for you
My hearts bleeding as I scream your name
wishing things were better off between us
I hope this was worth it for you...




Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
Liliana Sep 2011
I feel the darkness slowly creeping in as I cry out for your embrace, but my cries fall on deaf ears. The darkness takes hold… I weep and plead for your attention and affection. Still you turn your cheek and allow the darkness to take hold of me. The sickness that ails me has become my demise as the darkness drags me further into its lair. All I wanted was your embrace, to be held with true want and compassion. Now that you have shunned me so fiercely, I fear this day the darkness has acquired my sanity once more.


Copyright/All Rights Reserved Liliana Marks 2011
Liliana Farinha Jul 2013
At nightfall, with headphones and head down. I don’t care what others say, why they smile. I don’t care. Let me go hand in hand with my loneliness (which, perhaps, is as big as theirs), so I am as her we are not interested in the slightest air of happiness that  pass we by. Maybe all these joy is even apparent, but until today tiredness prevents me from playing and pretending which I haven’t as they have. There are days when the best we can do is stay in home. And yet there is always something that bothers us…


*by Liliana Farinha
Loud Falls Mar 2017
I ended things with Liliana,
but I don't know
It doesn't hurt,
Nor does it feel any better.
I've been so clustered and terrified of my own problems
I forgot how to feel,
how to be happy, or even sad.
Or was it sad to say our best moments consisted of petty laughs about my ***** leaving your ****** in pain,
or you laughing as you ******* while I drive 60 miles an hour
I really don't know
But we did say those stuff off and on.
You know like...
I love yous with smirks and I miss yous with hours delay of texting after
It's weird...
But I met this girl today
And she made me laugh...
I didn't think about ******* her once.
Surprisingly.
I just loved her smile.
And that simple moment made me feel I've wasted a while or two.
Either that or... I wanted to see you smile.
Like that atleast.
We both were so nonchalant towards a relationship... Why did we keep it going? I'm still confused.
Liliana Farinha Jun 2013
Sometimes I think my body doesn't have a soul anymore.
She is somewhere outside. She left him to be free.
And my body still staying here, getting older on the time watch him passing by.
Sometimes I think my body doesn't have a mind too.
She is somewhere like a soul. But to keep alive the dreams which I already thought, they're gone.
Maybe the problem here is my body. Him is not good enough for them, so they leave him, like people do when they are tired.
Maybe my soul and my mind are tired too, to be there or maybe they are so wild with the need to be free for keeping them alive and healthy.

*by Liliana Farinha
Cjf Apr 2020
Hey ez. Just wanted to say, you would be 5 months now. Almost to 6 baby girl. Cousin Ellie just got to 7. Shaydens at 1. Liliana is at 8. You would’ve been right in between. Just perfectly spoiled rotten with love. We miss you. I do. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I don’t think of you often. But thinking of the could’ve and would’ve beens leaves an ache inside that hurts too much. I guess I’ve associated you with so much pain that I think of you when I’m feeling low. I’m happy for the most part. You know? Like.. things feel okay. I held shayden the other day remember? I dreamt of you that night and felt like I was holding you and I felt like that was a push from you to tell me that it was okay for my arms to hold a baby even if it’s not you. It’s just hard for me tho. To have to be awkward and laughed at and watched over as I hold a newborn when I should’ve been used to it by now. I should’ve been the one to be able to tell the best way to angle the head and even know how to burp them. I know others don’t mean to be insensitive it’s not their fault.. I’m the one who always shows them how strong I am and that im not still healing. Thanks to you. I don’t know some times wether to thank you or not because if you were here I wouldn’t have had to find out what I’m capable of. If you were here I wouldn’t have had to find out what being strong means. You showed me the purest love in the most simplistic way and I wish there was a way I could feel that again. Maybe the hurt inside me when I think of you is that love still just not so pure anymore since it’s marred with losing you. I know it’s bad that I don’t talk about you. But baby, it’s only been 5 months. How does anyone expect me to just be okay with it now? 5 months of you being alive would be you still being brand new. 5 months of you being dead means that I’m still holding on. 5 months of me trying to go back to normalcy. Staying with friends, going for drinks, laughing and making jokes. Some of it feels more fake than others. I don’t think you realize how much happier I would be with you here. I sometimes get a thought in my head that is terrible, but that I think is my way of coping because it isn’t how I really feel. You know? That maybe I wasn’t ready for you. Maybe I was too ill prepared. I mean come on look at us. I can barely make it by and there’s just two adults. No car. No home. No baby. And we’re still struggling. So sometimes I think, yes maybe it is better for you.. that way you won’t ever have to know how much this world really is just a climbing ladder and a lot of the times we’re at the bottom. Maybe sometimes it would be easier if you were here, maybe you would be motivation. Something to get us out of our hole we’re in. Or that I’m in.
I don’t know what’s right anymore. I wish you were here so I could just talk your little head off again. I miss those morning drives of just telling you what I had in store for us. Of complaining about nonsense and always losing track of what I was saying but actually feeling listened to for once. You made me feel so much peace just by talking to you. I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. Everyone has their own problems and me adding to theirs when my problems are easily fixable seems pointless. Idk. I just miss you. I’m sorry that I’m a bad mom. I didn’t deserve you but I thank you so much that you gave me you.
This is more of a letter than a poem. But I guess poetry is what we make it. Side note: It’s now been a year since we’ve lost her, these were just words I wrote to help the process.
Saša Milivojev Jun 2022
.
Liliana Grbić

AN AMULET FOR MY SON
(FOR SAŠA MILIVOJEV)

(Dedicated to “The Prince of Contemporary Literature of Serbia”, “The Poet of Mystical Flight and Meditation” by his Professor of Literature)

.
Spread your wings my son
Never stop to fly
The world will envy you
Embrace your own Sky

Leave these Skies behind
Before darkness falls
Here, where love is scarce
And you have the force

My love will be shield you from
spells and loneliness
My thoughts will be your trail
Will not let you waste away
Your heart’s unshaken
It beats for what it wants

Don’t let them drag you down
You’re not born to drown
Spread your wings my son
Safe harbour waits for thee
Your soul is fair
Your smile is beauty

A gift of God is a letter
That’s written by your hand
You deserve to take
All good that life can give

They will try to break you
Plain and wretched souls
Retailor destiny and dreams
On that soft palm of yours
To crumble all that is angelic in you
With their wicked thought to dust
Don’t fear
The future calls you,
under the brighter Skies it draws you.


www.sasamilivojev.com

— The End —