Love has hit me so hard
Left me **** near crazy.
I met the perfect woman
Who never ceases to amaze me.
Who's beauty is flawless
She has grace & style
Her eyes captivate me
& so does her smile.
Her long beautiful hair
Gets curly & falls over her eyes.
All natural, Homegrown
No weave to my surprise.
I love her perfectly shaped legs
So firm, so thick.
Women envy her beauty
It just make them sick.
She has a spirit that draws you in
Just like a magnet.
The first time I saw her
I knew I just had to have it.
Her love for God
Is what I love most of all.
Even he's memorized by her
Because he answers, when she calls.
Her name is Leesah
She has stolen my heart.
She's become
My beginning, my end, my finish, my start.
That may not make sense to you
But that was only meant for her to understand.
I love when I'm with her
I become the envy of every man.
I love how she is
So spiritually tuned.
She's special, one of a kind
& it's my heart she's consumed.
Leesah is my drug
I need her daily, for my fix.
Leesah is a habit
That I would never dare kick.
She could go anywhere in the world
& my love will go find her.
My love will be in front of her
Never behind her.
She'll know that I Love Her
Because everyday I'll remind her.
I'll never mentally hold her down
Or emotionally bind her.
I want to give her the world
& everything in it.
I'm in it for the long haul
I'm in it to win it.
Leesah is so perfect
She leaves me in a daze.
If you knew her
You too would be amazed.
She's a Queen a Goddess
She's so real, so true.
Leesah too bad
I never said these things to you.
Now I am all alone
Just me, myself & I
No Leesah, just this Jones.

God gave me a gift
& I took it for granted.
He gave me the most
Perfect woman, on this whole entire planet.
I was in awe of her
She was one of a kind.
It was hard to believe
That she was mine.
She had beauty, brains
& is a wonderful mother.
Once I laid eyes on her
I could never love another.
She was my strength
When I was weak.
She was my voice
When I couldn't speak.
She was my sight
When couldn't see
My Leesah, My Leesah
Was everything to me.
I took her for granted
I stomped on her heart.
I refused her love
Now we are apart.
I never listened to her
When she had something to say.
I'd say, "Tell me later"
& be on my way.
She wanted attention
But I was too much into myself.
Because of my selfish ways
She's now with someone else.
I never hugged her
Rarely told her I love her.
We stayed in the same house
But rarely thought of her.
I had my on issues
So I ignored her attempts at love.
Because it was all about me
Me is all I thought of.
She talked about God
& how he keeps her in his grace
I'd say
"I'm watching the game, let me have my space"
She was always going to be here
That's what I believed.
Imagine my shock
When she told me to leave.
I left & then looked up to the sky
With tears in my eyes I screamed, "Why God Why"
I heard a voice that was deep
that answered my cries
It sounded quite angry, to my surprise

He said:
You squandered the gift
That I gave you
Now you have the nerve
To ask me to save you.
You are just mad
Because you'll be by yourself.
You did this take the blame
It's not on anyone else
I gave you a woman
Who was my pride & joy
But you treated her like
An old disguarded toy.
You ignored her
When she wanted to talk about me.
Now you want her back
But I'll refuse you plea.
You were so selfish & mean
So I let her go.
I'm sorry to tell you
My answer is no.

Now I'm without My Leesah
The love of my life.
The perfect woman
The perfect wife.
I lost her forever
Now I'm on my own.
I think of her quite often
When I'm alone.
I wonder how she's doing
Does she miss me too?
I doubt that she does
After all I put her through.
I'll live with this failure
& I hope I'll recover.
Forever & Ever
I'LL ALWAYS LOVE HER.
*
I Love You Leesah!

Why do you like me
When all I do is talk about my former life.
I talk about what I lost
My wonderful kids, my beautiful Ex-Wife.
You listen attentively
You never say anything.
I know you see the sadness in my eyes
That this subject brings.
You say that you like me
You want me for yourself.
How is that possible
When I'm in love with someone else?
When I sleep at night
You aren't even on my mind.
Thoughts on my Ex-Wife
Occupy my time.
I look at you & wonder
If this is a mistake.
Will this love I feel for my Ex
Eventually, cause you some type of heartache?
It's hard sometimes to look at you
Because my Ex is who I'd rather be with.
I know that you want my heart
But my Ex is the one who has it.
You text, you call
You give me all kinds of attention.
I just can't reciprocate those feelings
I'm not as attentive.
I can't live a lie
& return feelings that aren't true.
That was be so mean
If I did that shyt to you.
I'm not saying I'm "all that"
Because I know that I'm not.
As much as you want to be in my heart
My Ex-Wife still has that spot.
The first time I saw Leesah
I knew she was The One.
When I look at you
You're a girl with whom I can have some fun.
You deserve better
A man who'll love you completely.
If we keep going on like this
You'll begin to resent me.
My heart is with a woman
Who I have no chance with.
I feel nothing for you
When we're alone & kiss.
You're physically attractive
Definitely not ******* the eyes.
But if I told you I love you
That would be nothing but lies.
I just want to make this clear
I want you to understand.
Leesah is my true love
She has the heart of this man.

I look back on my life
I reflect on my past.
I saw how I just stood still
Never quite followed any clear path.
How could people respect me
If I didn't make any positive moves?
I live in self-hate
With a bad attitude.
I lost my woman, my children
My home, my family.
My life is a dark cloud I live in misery.
I even tried to **** myself
Just the other day.
But God wouldn't let it happen
He kept me anyway.
I called my pastor
He was busy at the time.
I was having a mental meltdown
I was losing my mind.
I took a handful of pills
That only made me sick.
I can't even end my own life
Ain't that a b*tch.
If I ever succeed with suicide
Don't give Leesah the blame.
I'm just tired of this life
I'm not mentally sane.
The only thing that matters
Is my children that I love so.
They are gone from me
My life has no meaning, I think it's my time to go.
My family has turned their backs on me
I ran them all away.
I have mental issues I'm ignoring
Getting more ill everyday.
I hear voices in my head
They talk to me all the time
They torment me
These voices mess with my mind.
My inner voices are my only friends
I know that sounds quite odd.
The only thing I have to hold onto
Are these voices & God.
Nothing else is there for me
No one else is there.
I live a life of pure loneliness
I think no one else cares.
My-Ex says I'm unstable
She says I'm mentally unwell.
She tried to help me, I refused
Now I live in my own personal Hell.
I saw the pain in her eyes
She looks at me with pure disgust.
I allowed my mental illness
To betray her trust.
I can't believe how my life
Has turned for the worst.
I feel like my life is a joke
I feel like I'm cursed.
The mistakes I made in life
Were caused by my own hands.
I went through living my life
Without any clear cut plans.
I've tried talking to God
To him I constantly pray.
It seems as he's forsaken me
Because he doesn't hear me anyway.
I know that's my illness talking
Those voices wanting my faith to waiver.
I'll never let that happen
Because one day I know
I'll receive God's favor.
My mind is everywhere
Mental illness has a hold on my life.
My-Ex tried to warn me.
Why didn't I listen to my wife?
I thought losing my family
Caused my downward spiral.
But truth be told
It was happening for a while.
My mental illness has ruined me
It's left me mentally & physically depleted.
I messed up my life
Because my illness went untreated.
Is it too late to get help?
Why? My family's gone.
I lost my wife, my children
Do I want to go on?
If I never write again
If this poem is my last write.
I know I was the blame
I finally saw the light.
My pride didn't allow me to admit
I'm mentally unstable, mentally unwell.
Because I didn't listen to Leesah
I live in my own lonely private hell.