cait-cait Jul 4

ill snap the necks of everyone
you love
like little birds
outside a


god held my hands as he plucked
from the sky ,
and told me i was no longer
an angel .


i pop pink pills from pink
bottles , and
set things on fire.

you dont look me in the eyes
anymore ,
even though i smile.
im trying to experiment with different styles. This was inspired by the feeling of loving someone better than you and being angry about it and the video game little inferno.
They laughed at the caterpillar
Now they admire the butterfly

Their laughter became their sorrow
Pain and agony, they now swallow
While choking on their own egos

Success and Beauty takes time
laugh now cry later
Cry now laugh later
The story is yours to tell
Like tall tales
All fails if pain doesn’t exist in the mist
We laughed for hours intoxicated,
with tangled limbs,
on our bed we watched the world spin.
All at once the laughing stopped and my beautiful one,
seeing your jade pools, laced with red pierced my soul.
Your cheeks wet; my heart could not endure the sight,
and before I could ask you said you were thinking of your cat;
that it was dumb because she died so long ago.
I kissed your tears and held you close,
but how could I communicate to you
that your pain is my own?
You needn't apologize or discredit one emotion,
because every feeling you have I want to share.
Every vexation I want to ease your distress.
Every jubilance I want to share your elation.
Sooner than I could vocalize my desires,
you looked at me with a face that I still mourn,
pleading with me not to wound your precious heart,
as if I could ever even dream of it.
I held you tighter and vowed to you I never would.
Mon Couer in that sensitive moment,
you were so beautiful.
Your vulnerable proclamations sent me into a tizzy,
and drunk on the side of you I so rarely see.
I could and can now, only think:
  I love you.
  I love you.
  I love you.
sat next to the man with two phones
i asked him to hold my hand
and he laughed  

sitting in his ‘96 civic
for three hours we fell asleep
till six since three

he’s one of the many men
whose substance
far from the moral field
leaves many men with little substance
and you and me victims
of victims of you and me

he’s the type who feeds fiends
and he’ll keep making a killing
off children we perceive
as men and women
living to kill themselves
is how he makes a living

don’t him you belittle
for you are no different  

i know the thought makes you livid
you wish he was lined up and shot with the likes of him
but your white lies are their white lines
and the front lines of his line of business
so you would lie alongside and wrong
right where you were digging

as far as i’m concerned
he’s not a man without substance
and one of substance
one of few and far between
and certainly could you defeat

because while you let savages ravage me
he held my hand for free
and never demanded their standard fee
of an arm  
and a leg
and everything in between

lmbf Jun 2
we are merely an amalgamation of atoms in the universe, floating around until we happen to collide, falling headfirst into someone else’s space.

i knew the moment we first met that there was something different about this girl. she made me feel almost...brand new. there was a reason she had come to visit me in my shattering stratosphere. why, i did not know then.

she was art but not just how art is nice to look at, to gaze, to admire. her magnetic energy instantly drew me in. but mostly she was beautiful because of all the worlds floating in that mind of hers.

i tried so hard to love her, i gave her all i could. comforted her in times of sadness, laughed with her about music and art and friendships and all the things good girl friends do.

i didn't realize what was happening;
but i loved her more than that, she never knew.
or maybe you did. maybe that’s why you pushed me so far away from you.

good girl friends don’t fall asleep at night thinking about how soft her lips would taste on theirs, pray to god for a goddamn miracle to make her feel something, too.

she taught me that loving is both selfish and selfless. selfless because there is nothing i wouldn’t have done to see her smile again; selfish because the fatal flaw of human nature is that we do all things with the small, but secret hope that they will love us back. don’t try to hide it.

i think we both know:
i have loved you;
i let you go.
excerpt from 'good girl friends,' featured in "lessons in love and pain"
a book i will write #015
the rest is coming soon <3
Think .
Don't feel intimidated.
Fear is what you keeps waiting.
Expression turns to vibration.
Thus Fear is a stimulation.
Painted the ceiling
to view unconscious feelings.
Your words present perishable meanings.  
Wrote this quickly without thinking,
spoke to you without taking a deep breath
there's no time left.
        Understand depression
is the focus on hopeless motives.
Progression is the negativity
transformed into this art form for all of us.
Fuck being deep.
One try. One love. One lie. One liar or lyric?
As these spirits watch me.
This parable mocks me.
The first joke contained the essence of truth.
We are jokes that are laughed at.
Move closer to your world my friends.  
Third density binding.
I cannot describe it.
Everyday we develop rust.
You can never be the best
unless you can complete the competency test
of contrairy opposites.
Betrayer moon
color blue
the body has no use
if the mind is enslaved
but you still have to choose
sometimes not choosing is a choice
the Sagittarius has a powerful voice.
We must train to increase our strength
the final test is presented
when we least expect.
We eye ball
but see nothing
so what's next?  
A new generation of martyrs
dying for the wrong purpose.
I'm mad they can't prove what their worth.
Decisions shapes destiny.
This psychical attraction
they just want to hear me
to relax em.

So come along
pathetic poetic marathons
head warrior Sargon
came to spar
searching for who you are
answers for Darwin.
He kept us starving
stuck on a bias
the world cannot apply it.
I don't think one knows
how to change the future so fluently
look at what you do to me. (Writing)
Who can mirror me?
Confused with every theory.
Is pleasure really the highest good?
If the thought is there
then it's a
physical trait to the universe
and your fate.
Constant change.
The mind resets each day.
Each minute.
Each second    
The memory helps protect it.
Nobody can fuck with you
because you're YOU
just remember you're YOU
Fuck my name
its all about details
so see it's wrong
when he wins and she fails.
See what I see.
I know you seek perfection.
Eyes greet and meet to
the unconditioned mind.
These age dependent thinkers
call me weird for being myself.
Scientifically you're not in my realm. (Time)
For I wrote this in the present
which is
your past
but you call it the future.
The most influential
get turned into a joke
as the fake get their story told.
lmbf 3d
In my dreams, we are sitting on that berm, in Bergamo, overlooking the river. The water laps lazily at a slow but steady pace. The sun is beaming, smiling above us as it observes our shared gaze.
We converse about the world and its many hiding spots, speaking in tongues.

"¿Pero a veces esperes que ir lejos de aquí?" I say.
"No lo sé...algún lugar lejos de todos algos sabes."
"I mean, I really like where I live. I love the people, and the energy, and I love how if you give yourself to New York it will give back to you a million times over.

"But I would like to get away sometimes, yes. Waking up every morning and knowing there's a whole world I've barely even seen yet has me itching to book the next flight." You laughed, your voice turning husky. "Where do you propose?"

"Mientras estamos todavía en italia, miramos a este lugar bonita primera...¡Vamonos!"

You run, run, run, harder than I ever have in my whole life, while I hop on my bicycle barefoot. We are speeding through the dusty terrain, whooping and hollering with joy. "¡Viva La Vida!" I scream.

You smile at me, if only a split-second.
And that's when I knew just how deeply I had fallen.

This is where it ends.
Summer Freewrite Sessions 2018 // apparently I dream in Spanish now (Al parecer, sueño en Español ahora) Lo siento para algunas imperfecciones gramáticas porque español es no mi idioma primera.
1. "But sometimes, do you hope to get away from here?"
2. "I don't know...somewhere far from all you know."
3. "While we're still in Italy, let's look at this beautiful place first...Let's go!"
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