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Jeremy Betts May 2022
The risk of takin' time to begin mendin' a broken and frozen heart is it could stop its natural rhythmic beatin' at any given moment, without adequate warnin'
Matter of fact it's bound to happen like global warmin', that's the only endin' found followin' right on the heels of drownin'
Any other prediction goin' 'round is only white noise background sound of them denyin' and rewritin' facts, specializin' in turnin' backs and bold face lyin'
I constantly find myself suffocatin' in my own skin like it's a plastic bag grippin' my face, compression at the neck, not lettin' air in
Debatin' whether or not to go all in and fight this overpowered and undefeated depression with persistence and medication, maybe some meditation and self reflection
Or should I just go ahead and give in again, puttin' in little to no effort to change the end into somethin' worth strivin' for, will there even be someone there lookin' forward to me arrivin'?
This is not pretend or manipulation, basically I'm forfeitin' due to exhaustion and frustration, handin' over the rains, just givin' my inner demon the win
I'm sick and tired of bein' tired and sick, gettin' beaten, pickin' myself up just to start takin' the walk of shame back to some new beginnin'
Plus, spoiler alert, I already know the final boss battle in this surreal engine is just gonna be against myself, once again
Same as its always been, it's not about to start changin' now, no amount of trainin' or preparation' will stop this from happenin'
Like the programer guy and I are playing a side game of chicken, he's got nothin' to lose, I've already lost everythin' holdin' out for a win that's never comin', never a celebration
I'll die if I don't keep moving 'cause I can see the next hardship comin', it's ******' gainin' on me quickly and I don't have a remedy or solution so, tail between legs, I start runnin'
I'm noticin' the **** selection, nothing good comes from either decision especially if you're plannin' on bringin' logic in as part of the equation, it should help but it's only a complication
And I'm forced to pick a direction without knowin' the destination or what I'll be facin' or what's waitin' for me at the finish lines location
Even without an imagination as dark as mine you can see its a risky expidition with low to no expectation of finishin'
Hope diminishin' past salvation, straight to damnation and a bitter end
Death awaits every person ever born, he's never missed one and I won't be the exception, it's the when I'm questionin', on my knees prayin', shiftin' seamlessly into beggin'
In one hand I could win the battle that's ragin' in between my ears, lord knows I'm tired of listenin'
On the other hand I lose the war, therefore there's no reason for even tryin', no goin' back to the beginnin', no rewindin'
I'm left nursin' a wound that's turned into an infection and its quickly spreadin', entertainin' the thought of idle hand amputation
Don't need to be an open heart surgeon, it's already been broken twice and put on ice, I'll just rip it out then hold it up for all to see before it completely stops pulsatin'
The fixation has never been on fixin' anythin' but rather dodgin' any situation that'll get me lookin' within
Possibly havin' to acknowledge I might not be worth savin', is that me speakin' or my shoulder devil at it again'?
It's gettin' harder and harder to tell the difference, both soundin' the same, the blurred line causes confusin'
I know the notion of what I'm sayin' isn't easy to comprehend much less believe in
And that's the reason why I've bottled every emotion and set them floatin' out in the vast ocean
To keep me from bein' a burden to anyone but one person, you're lookin' at him and I lie and say it's workin'
I don't know what I was thinkin' not takin' this more serious from the beginnin'
It's been ruinin' my life's mission, runnin' up a tab of bad karma that I'm gonna wind up payin'
Stoppin' all forward motion by keepin' me frightened to the point I've given up on fightin'
The results are in and it's unsettlin', I now only seem to be nothin' but a punchin' bag for Satan and his legion
I'm startin' to come undone at the seams and it seems like no one's carin' but I don't know what else I was expectin'
I could've predicted that with precision like I have the ability to be time travelin'
Knowin' for certain what the future is bringin' but I'm just goin' off of every previous lesson that left a lastin' impression
But still not seein' the big picture, fussin' over the small **** like somethin' on the roof of my mouth I can't stop tonguin'
Wastin' precious time that I could've been usin' to at least soften the blow I know is creepin' up, comin' 'round the bend with the collection plate to put my fate in
But again, I can't stop the regression long enough to gain traction, a continuation of my downward trend, market value crashin', free fallin' with no parachute or safety net to protect my noggin
I don't give myself permission to feel anythin' other than self derogation
Sleep deprivation has my dreams fadin', countin' one sheep, two sheep, ****, the rest have gone missin'
I'm left pickin' myself up and dustin' myself off, brushin' my own well bein' to the side, out of sight, out of mind, keep it hidden
All lefts, no right to weigh in even though it's my life my thoughts are playin' with, throwin' caution to the wind
And now that I'm broken beyond repair I get tossed into the compost bin lettin' somethin' else grow from me decomposin'
A form of reincarnation at worst, at best, a place to finally get some much needed rest in'
I'm no longer invested in livin', hell, I'll even sign my own death certificate, give me a pen

©2022
look ***** i aint tryna play you
Just trying to mack to you
Show ya real thangs
Embrace the world
With my **** brain
Hard to maintain when weeds settles
I get that ******* blowin' like a kettle
Baby dont settle for less
This aint no wild guess
Let me mack to ya ears and grab ya breast
And put yo fingers on my masculine chest
Yea i know like that gangsta ****
**** passion im long lastin blastin'
My *****
In ya puddy cat
Ya dont have to wonder where the daddy at?
Im right bebe have no fear
Droppin' game faster than the clouds drop a tear
You cant fade me???



Now that we in this relationship
I gotta lotta thangs
To confess im freaky as they come
Watch me roll up some sess
Take a puff with me
And lets do some lesbian ******* ****
Promise I won't hit
Unless ya let me girl i make ya forget me
Like amnesia  
The ***** pleaser
These other nigguhs jackin'
With twizzlers
Im my ***** hot as a sizzler
Ask ya girl i bet im dickin' her
No shame in my game
You know the rules
Yo ***** chose me
Cuz of my m a c k
Still pack the AK Everyday
Just incase a hater got something
To say
So **** peace im still in yo ear piece
Now rest in peace ***** can ya fade me???
o today somebody's gotta die
soul searchin' for Heaven  no lie
Smoke the baddest fry call it thai
the **** inhales cogitatin' to make my sales
Crack heroine to weeds stock profits mad gainin'
Leave slackers hangin' cuz my click gang bangin'
The game raw and uncut
look what
we done got into like scarface to frank
To Sosa always in a different Chocha
every night picture my site
diamondS in mutli-million dolla mansions by the beach
push ***** with my peeps
No time.for sleeps I creeps
like tlc on the move don't disturb the groove we got cartel who ship & sails the boats come swollen
money foldin' strong controllin'
South America to Brooklyn to the heart of Houston
high rollers stay on patrol watch for the 5-0s
Swift as a ninja makin' my drops
In different Barrios bury those
Who try come inbetween ?
Think.twice nigguh before you end
with a collapse spleen
know what I mean? I'm after the dead presidents faces no need for chases
I got guns to do my cases
Cuz ya can't out run a gun with ya head spun
Brain splattered check my credentials
Im The Don referred to as Andy Bardellino leave competition sore
when I jump on the scene camouflaged in a dark tinted limo
bulletproof Glass so they can't blast my asss?
Im.living reckless suicidal got the Jesus piece as my necklace
prayers sent to sky lord why
I must live like this but karma
comes in many fashions beef is long lastin'
Evil is a necessity it made the best of me
Got my mind going ballastic actions sadistic hits so graphic they had to be censored
who ya know do it better go getter ?
86 the highest roller off the block
now he jack for loots and rocks
proceeding as true champion
of this slang ****
fools couldn't dodge my licks
my keys hit harder than bricks
got everybody fightin' in ****
got **** look at the drama I brung
but it's what the street feeds evil deeds
Straight out of the demons seed
Cuz hell enjoys seeing nigguhs bleed

Fools better watch where they talkin'
And trees they barkin' close to parkin'
And coughin' up ya soul resting in a coffin too often
****** try to get with me but I'm too deadly most friends of me gettin' treated like enemies
For better or for worse since I came out the earthly hearse
And born into a curse
Livin' a sinful paradise ain't nothing nice
Feelin' like Ice T catchin' body count from my gun mount
Rippin' through emcees snout see what I'm about?
Raw skills and gruesome kills love seeing blood spills
A black man forever in search of a Robin
Who keeps my brains throbbing from.the **** slobbin'
Patients thin as thread in the eye of needle
More sinsiter than cathedral we know the evils
Circles liftin' the veils still prevail even if I'm trapped in jail
All falls ahhh hell there go rippin' up shows
Through my Lyrical tornado death and destruction  
Rhymes be bustin' fakers til they receive concussion
Babygirl come over here
 and let me hit you
with a little **** passion
 mouth game blastin'
im long lastin' 
like bubblegum show me ya tongue
 so i can get a taste o what i feel
when im deep in that chocha faa real
 got **** hot butter popcorn
leave ya deeply scorn
 from my love deep strokin'
tongue soakin' 
on ya ******* runnin' circles
around ya belly flex ya back
muscle let me see ya work 
put this **** n so deep
til you fall asleep i aint' a creep
just keepin' it real 
and we can move from the floor
into the livin' room sweep u up like a broom and heres come the boom
sike not fast not slow
Just a nice smooth tempo
 as jodeci singin' in the background 
got ya on ya back now
 now tell me who's the best
Ya hands on my chest
 screamin' my name
finna burn the flame
 ya know how i get down
 smack down lay down
hurt that chocha til ya ****** expressions start to frown **** near drown
 in a puddle of tears 
can't fight the temptations can't resist 
and when ya release the ******
 i reach over and kiss
osculatin' no debatin' 
pound for pound thats just one round?
Tell me how fr3aky u r
N if so tell me are ya still down ??
don't do anything that she expects of me
The more I try, the less it happens/
I want her to be free , but she feels trapped in/
When I express myself
She thinks I'm just ****** yappin'/
She wants days full of lovin
and straight laughin /
No matter what it takes I ain't crackin/
This an opportunity I aint passing/
You feel like there's a lot
That i just ain't graspin/
Don't ever think I aint lastin/
Cuz I'll fight this battle to the death of me;
I'll be in a state of unrest,
Till my heart is pumpless.

— The End —