rhythms en trance
***** princess dance
come **** me cruel
eat me like ants
wont you hurt me sir
out comes the dagger
her eyes get so large
she wants me to bag her
she knows im in charge
wont you rip me sir
foot arched **** puffed
where are the whips
she moves like fire
and slink-ally strips
my ******* bleed love sir
howls like the wind
for **** and the blade
begs for it now
***** **** in the shade
the knife between my legs sir
*** shakes and prance
to the congas beat
eyes flirt wild
as she whips her own feet
won't you cut my toes sir
***** *** aches
break me my love
as she dances the curvish
use my mouth sir
her ankles clamped
legs spread wide
arms pulled back
theres no where to hide
smother me sir
gut ***** spleen
eat it all
devour the queen
my belly is yours sir
she looks in my eyes
says thank you for my fate
spreads her legs wide
i take the bate
disembowel me sir
oh lover bleed
im up deep inside
i work you down
and cruel is the ride
my ****** sir
she cries and writhes
and she **** so hard
she wants to burn
and is slathered with lard
my rose **** sir
i break her in half
and lick up her ***
she cries and she squeals
as she starts to pass
pluck my eyes sir
i crush my love
to finish her off
she begs for more
and starts to cough
take my ******* sir
face to the the floor
the music turned down
baby death dance
in water to drown
remove my head sir
I did the dance
i love to be slain
stretched flat by a roller
i loved the pain
dinner is served sir
thank you sir
may i **** you **** sir
drink your **** sir
lick the toilet clean sir
you've crushed me to nothing sir
beaten me dead sir
****** me a thousand times sir
is there anything else sir
thank you sir
what ever you say sir
your so good to me sir
ill be right back from the dead sir
i love you sir
'Well, tough kinaski ! as they say in hell-hole heaven'
'kiss my lily -white *** and whinge about it some place else"
'while you're at it, wash your eyes out with bleach'
' Things you seen must've wrecked your head'
'What's the matter, lard ***?'
'You dumber than you look?'
Steam rose in swirling menacing clouds from the kettle.
'I told you before if you mouth off like that, I ain't gonna take it'
'You back cheeking me, *******?
'No Ma, just sayin back off is all'
'Back off, is it ?'
'I'll give you back off and a boot in the **** for good measure'
Anto knew he was in trouble.
His Ma lashed into him and gave him a punch in the left ear.
Reeling from the pain, he looked at the back door.
Anto grabbed a fork in desperation.
'I swear to God I'll have your eye out!
'You nasty little *******!'
'Take a fork to your own mother, would you?'
Anto lunged in terror hoping to side step his Ma.
The front door was his only escape.
Too late, his face was battered to a pulp
'For Christs Sake, Ma!'
Grabbing Anto by the scruff of the neck, she flung him out the front door.
Anto was reeling from the punches and staggered out of the house.
His belly was hanging out of him from hunger.
One day, he swore to himself, one day.
'I'll show them, I'll show them all'
His nose was gushing and his breathing was laboured.
He wanted to cry but what was the use of that.
The sun was shining. A blue sky met his eye.
'**** it! he said
I used to live downwind of the slaughterhouse,
the one below the high bluff where the state pen towers,
commanding the best view of the marsh lands
and the stink ponds making lime outta ****
for the crops not meant for human consumption;
by the dry grass parks with the broken backboards
and the netless hoops that never slow a ball down.
I used to live downwind of the rendering plant
where the bubbling lard becomes aerosol
and the air reeks of freezerburn bacon and feces,
below the high bluff where the trustees cut grass
in the clean air not meant for the locals
mixing with the immigrants and loser folk
who have knots in their shoelaces that
press against bone when chasing a loose ball.
This town never grew up. Doesn't need to.
There's plenty of ground for the taking.
Plenty of farmers selling out to the downtown club
who cobble the streets in past time fashion,
netting big gains from the professional set
lining the smooth roads annexed to the east.
I used to live downwind of the closing in stink
of renewal, where the cheap rentals and struggle
stores with the marked-up Walmart brands
lining the shelves - expired but still edible -
bide their short time compressed and diced
up like leftovers for dogs.
But this is America. I don't live there anymore.
I got myself a cush gig with a padded ladder
to the top. Did everything I needed to do
for that sure climb out into a cleaner air,
only to find myself bruise-faced and reeling
when the profits didn't match the dream
and the ladders were sold for scrap.
My internal voice is never satisfied
with what I have done
even if it's a 21 kilometre run
Madness, pure madness
is what most say
Come on, get real, look at all you've done today
I struggle with things
others do with ease
Looking in the mirror I know my mind
distorts what it sees
Yet the pit of my stomach
insists that it's right
You fat, lazy lard,
what a horrible sight
I can barely stand to look at you.
A prisoner of my own thoughts, inhabiting a body I am not okay with
Restrict and perfect
each item on your plate
A bit of that, no more
Absolutely can't gain more weight
I know what my therapist would say
stop those behaviours, accept those thoughts,
recovery is the way
But even in recovery I still don't feel okay
In my sea of negative thoughts.
I'm ashamed of my struggle,
of how I hate what I see
I don't want to live this way,
I want to be free
Who can help me?
recovery, eating disorder, struggle
Dear 17 year-old Laura,
Don't worry so much about being perfect
Don't push yourself to get the highest marks you can get
You certainly don't have to do it all
You deserve a break, even if it's small
I know you may not think that but it certainly is true
Inside and out
Beautiful, that's you
Ignore the imperfections you see in the mirror
For only you are able to see
The "too big stomach" and "jiggly thighs"
You're gorgeous as can be
I know you're scared to graduate
You became comfortable in high school,
But the world is so much bigger,
Adventure awaits you
Please don't think that you're ****
Boys will come and go
Focus on liking yourself
Though that's hard, I know
The summer did flash by for you
University hit you hard
Please don't be mad at yourself
For all your "unsightly lard"
You became ill and that's okay
None of this was your choice
It's not your fault you spiraled down
From listening to that voice
The hardest months of your life thus far
You sadly had to endure
Because you couldn't forgive yourself
Mental illness is a blur
Shame and stigma rotted your mind
Made you think this was your volition
Like someone gets cancer, you became sick
Becoming mentally ill wasn't a mission
Your life will slowly rebuild
The future will have ups and downs,
You should be incredibly proud of what you survived
Continue to fight those sounds