My right thumb dove from my pitcher
into a man's water glass, soaking his napkin
and place mat. He pulled away from his mug
of Labatt Blue, lips curling the caramel color
back past his picket fence teeth. Like his wife's
diamond ring, she was turned away.
Her face was illuminated by her phone.
Sharon's back with Tom?

Shoot me.

He slid his chair back, legs scraping
the floorboards like a car accident. He stood
a decent four inches taller than me.
Chevrolet was printed across his faded
t-shirt, and his boots hit the floor like mallets
when he stepped. The pitcher in my grip shook
like the Titanic capsizing. This man was the iceberg;
**I was the captain panicking behind the wheel.

OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
HOW BIG WE'VE SEEN YOU GROWN
YOUR BUILDINGS MADE BY ELLIS-DON
YOUR SKYLINE BY CAMPEAU,
THE MAYOR HAS KEPT EXPANDING
IT' TOO HARD TO BELIEVE
IF LONDON GETS MUCH LARGER THEN,
I KNOW WE'LL HAVE TO LEAVE.
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
YOU'VE GROWN UP REALLY FAST
YOU SHOW NO SIGNS OF SLOWING DOWN
HOW LONG WILL THIS ALL LAST ?
YOUR ROADS ARE ALWAYS RIPPED UP
IT'S REALLY SAD TO SEE
TO FIND THE ROUTE THAT LEADS TO WORK
WE CALL THE P.U.C.
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
WE DON'T KNOW YOU NO MORE
YOU'VE GROWN SO BIG WE DON'T KNOW HOW
TO FIND THE CORNER STORE
WE THING YOUR PARKS ARE LOVELY
THE BEST WE'VE EVER SEEN
THE ONLY PROBLEM THAT WE SEE
IS THAT THEY'RE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN.
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
YOU'RE NOT MANAGED TOO WELL
'CAUSE EVERYTIME IT SEEMS TO SNOW
YOUR BUDGET'S SHOT TO HELL
YOU NEVER HAVE THE MONEY
TO KEEP THE STREETS SO CLEAR
YOU'RE BUSIER AT LABATT'S PARK
DECIDING TO SELL BEER.
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
WE KNOW YOU MUST EXPAND
THE PROBLEM THAT WE HAVE WITH THIS
WE'RE LOSING OUR FARM LAND
TO SHOW THE KIDDIES CATTLE
WE TAKE THEM TO THE ZOO
AND WHEN OUR KIDS ASKE WHY THEY'RE HERE
THEY MOVE WHEN LONDON GREW.
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
YOU'VE ******* UP ONCE AGAIN
YOUR FOOTBALL FIELD HAS GOT NO LIGHTS
AND THAT'S TICKED OF TSN
IN ORDER TO PLAY NIGHT GAMES
YOU HAVE TO SPEND A LOAD
OF OUR FIRST FIFTEEN GAMES AT HOME
WE PLAYED SIX ON THE ROAD.
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
YOU'TRE PEPPERED WITH STRIP MALLS
WE'VE MORE OF THESE IN THIS FAIR TOWN
THAN SPALDING HAS BASEBALLS
INSTEAD OF SPENDING MONEY
ON PLAZAS SUCH AS THESE
WHEY DON'T YOU HELP THE HOMELESS
SO THESE POOR FOLKS DON'T FREEZE
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
GETS BIGGER EVERY DAY
THE PROBLEM THAT I HAVE WITH THIS
IS WE'RE THE ONE'S WHO PAY
EACH TIME A NEW FIRM COMES HERE
I FEEL WE'RE GETTING HOSED
FOR EVERY ONE THAT COMES TO TOWN
THERE TWO MORE THAT HAVE CLOSED
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
YOU MUST THINK I'M A FOOL
YOU WANT TO RAISE MY TAXES UP
TO PAY FOR YOUR NEW POOL
AN AQUATIC CENTER
IS SURE A GOOD IDEA
TOO BAD THE **** THING COSTS SO MUCH
SO, WE DON'T NEED IT HERE
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
IT CHANGES BY THE DAY
YOU'VE ANNEXED UP WESTMINISTER
AND WE'RE THE ONE'S WHO PAY
YOU DO NOT WANT TO HIT THEM
WITH TAX HIKES REALLY QUICK
SO WE MAKE UP THE DEFECIT
IT REALLY MAKES ME SICK
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
WITH WHITE ELEPHANTS GALORE
YOUR CONVENTION CENTRE'S LOSING BUCKS
THIS CAN'T GO ON NO MORE
YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED YOUR LESSON
BESIDE CENTENNIAL HALL
YOU'VE GOT AN EMPLY PLAZA THERE
NOW YOU'VE AN EMPTY MALL
OUT LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
IS REALLY LIKE T.O
IT'S NOT AS LARGE IN SIZE JUST YET
BUT, GIVE IT TIME TO GROW
THE DOWNTOWN IS MORE DANGEROUS
WITH FOLKS SCARED FOR THEIR LIVES
JUST TELL ME NOW WHERE DO THESE KIDS
GET ALL THESE GUNS AND KNIVES?
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
PLEASE THINK ON THIS REAL WELL
'CAUSE IF WE STAY ON THIS SAME COURSE
WE'RE HEADING STRAIGHT TO HELL
YOU'RE ALWAYS TRYING NEW THINGS
THAT TURN IN TO A JOKE
REMBEMBER THIS NEXT TIME YOU TRY
DON'T FIX WHAT ISN'T BROKE!
OUR LITTLE HOME CALLED LONDON TOWN
TWENTY YEARS HAVE PASSED
SINCE I FIRST WROTE THIS EPIC POEM
NOW THIS VERSE IS THE LAST
REGARDLESS WHERE I TRAVEL
NO MATTER WHERE I ROAM
I'LL THINK OF LITTLE LONDON TOWN
THE PLACE IT IS MY HOME.

Guida & Me drove up to the ***** D
In my whip there was co-pilot Bryx and Captain Sleezy E
We rolled up to my yerp bro Brad D's
Next were greeted by Dino whos drinking a 40
Labatt Blue bonging and ponging like were competing for beer drinking glory
Then its onto asweome fries, saganaki, and telling funny stories
That night was crazy and a definite blast
Woke up the next day to see Dino's Dad's spot and gasp!
Walk into the kitchen to see Grandma Rontondo cooking homemade marinara
Smelling fresher than the lobby inside of a Panera
Next it's downstaris to the "Thunderdome," mindblow is all I can tell ya!
The food was amazing with Uncle D on the grill
Sammy the Bull said "Plastic Cups!" so that was the deal
Party was wild, popping bottles in other words unreal
Zoo was great, conductor swag was for real
Tigers beat the Twins, and that night it was freestyling, speeches, and Labatts on chill
Like the words of Willie Nelson the ***** D stays on my mind
I'll never forget that trip like my brain is a VCR and has the element of rewind!

Here I am again, another message to a world
That never wrote to me, so I sit with fingers curled
Around this pen, remembering when it used to be so easy
But life is change, I’ve learned, it’s strange
I think love poems are so cheesy, but this is one, I've met someone and, uh…  
Now my words are freezing  

Cause she’s gorgeous, but I can’t describe the things she makes me feel and
She’s so cool, but words won’t imbibe the meanings, make this real
Cause I can’t see her intentions, to be fair, she can’t see mine
Another thing I’m learning is to take what we call time
And just sit down, breathe, relax, believe
Something out there's got my back
Because for me, what you'd call love, seems to hit hard and fade fast
Cause I'm the jealous type and Christ, I know I ****** this up before
Oh, if I had just been different, had learned a little more
But that awe inspiring feeling, I simply couldn’t make it last
And I'm so aware of my faults, I swear on all meaning I've amassed
That I've learned enough by now to leave my mistakes in the past  

But once again I feel that tautness in my chest, oh so familiar
And I hate to even indulge these trains of thought
As if there's nothing real here and I'm ******* being played
And she's just some surreptitious oxytocin dealer and
It's all a stupid fantasy and so much wasted effort made  
And to be honest, I am afraid right now, and it makes me feel
Like shutting down and drinking, there's no ******* appeal
In lying up all night and combing through these useless fears
I know I need new ways of coping instead of pouring sweet, sweet beer
Down my throat, but hey, we're all here dying, ***** is just a longer rope
At least I feel slightly less lost and I can ignore what you'd call hope
Because I've seen it surfacing and silly me thought it was clear
But now I'm not so sure again, so I'll just ******* sit right here and  
Try to figure myself out, and now I'm sweating and can't hear
Over the tumult of these words that I know aren't real or even right
And the uproar of these thoughts, it ******* keeps me up all night
But I don't know how to say them, or even if I should
Cause hope keeps building things up, I knew that ****** would
But it reminds me of that feeling you get at the top of a roller coaster
And if you need to hold on to someone, come closer, I’m right here
Forget all those nagging notions, it's much more fun when you’re near  

And this girl, she is so funny, says she wants to learn  
Everything about me, the way my neurons burn to make this human being
That she says is hard to read, well then just let me say this, because I wear my heart on sleeve
If you ever want to know me just speak or read my poems, I’m not hard to figure out
And if you ever want to feel me, there are other uses for a mouth
Our conversations roam from vacuum cleaners to dimensions
Including all else in between, and this ******* ****** tension
But is it even real, I swear it's like the best **** dream that
I've ever had because she's just too **** amazing, too good to really be true and my pessimistic mind
Persists, won't stop insisting there's no way she’s really into you  
So I'll just keep my ******* mouth shut and let that temporal river run
Just enjoy the moment, I'm actually having fun talking about whatever
Just being with this someone and I want it to work out, but my constant apprehension
And this pernicious doubt, I try to trust but just don't know, cant really see what it's about or if she even feels my
Energy when fingers touch her, cause I can't help but think my hands are substitution for another's
So until something shows me I’ll just try not to care too much
Cause I hate being disappointed, close to there or feeling such
But now that conversation, I can't pull out of thin air, especially if the answer is something I don't like and
Life is back to ****** feelings and just drinking Labatt ice and smoking **** till I just ******* nod out and fall asleep
It’s been so long since things seemed clear, so let's see if it will keep
Because I'll be the first one to admit that during struggles I've succumbed to that ****** we call fear, and I'd rather just be numb but
I said I feel it now, it's so ******* ugly and too near
But thankfully I’ve somehow learned to see it from above
And all around, so instead of just being its **** glove, I can actually breathe again, I'm not afraid, because
I now know that even God’s just another person craving love
It just pretends that it's all knowing, but it's just another soul, even if it knows the end, how could it's beginning be controlled?
And even though its awareness may be on a different plane, it’s still a conundrum, it's still looking for the same
Things that we all do and probably feels pretty lame, so I cant help but smile, I cant wait to play this game
And I'm saying game because it should be fun, no pressure, we can walk or run
Or hell, let's skydive for all I care, as long as there's space for me and you, let me be your parachute
Cause God is totally just as confused as I am, sitting here at this bar with someone new
I hope I don’t turn out disappointing, but I don't know what else to do
Because that mystery, it can’t be me
Can't you see that it is you?

And I really just want to tell you advice I give to myself, though
I don’t know if you even want it
Don’t know the things you’ve felt, but I want to learn
Which is the same thing you said to me, I want to intertwine with you and
See how happy we could be, and if I seem hard to read, I just don’t want you to run away
I’m probably just breathing, but I know things will be okay
So don’t you disappear because I’m your friend, together we'll get through
What we call life, and now I see the world did write to me
That letter's you

We started out as daddy's little girls
And you did your best to shelter us from the world
But somewhere along the line
The world was not so kind
When we needed you most
You disappeared like a ghost
Drowning in a case of Labatt Blue
Thinking we had no clue

i loved you with
open hands, hungry
hands, i don’t have much time
hands. the cure to preemptive
homesickness was belly-ache
laughing, bare skin on
muddy ghost river
beaches, watching court
foot traffic from the
roof, labatt blues
and t-pain.
you said cats have
the love we should
emulate, walking
fine lines, felines
assuming we have
nine lives, greedy
hands strangle the
love from me.