In this moment I've never felt so empty

My heart is a wooden slab being knawed away at by pesky termites that leave unrepairable holes

And my lungs like Swiss cheese that can't seem to give me the oxygen I need in order to rid the lump of sorrow in my throat

It's in this moment that your back has turned to me, as I count your steps and wait to hear the slamming of a car door

I count on you to look back at me and smile, but my hope has again betrayed me, and I realize the last I'll see of you will have been this moment

So I've never felt so empty
I've never felt so alone

I woke up this morning, thinking my god I've gotten older.
The edges of my dream, knawed at the corners of my eyes
go back to sleep.
Happy Birthday, July.
I had ***** poured into my hands,
I drank it
for the soul purpose of not wetting the bed.
Let's go for a birthday dinner in November,
get a tattoo of a word I think of the hour before,
smoke a cigar til your lungs get sore.
"My god it is beautiful
that I can still believe in god,
if I choose to."

The final nail in my coffin.
Struck in by those who i held dearest.
They do not mourn for me.
They put me here.

The world just melts away.
Leaving an empty void in its wake.
All consuming.
Never ending.
Faceless and empty.

I suppose at least its silent now.
When before all i could hear,
was the buzzing and misderiction,
of those who i had seen fit to surround myself with.
All the screeching and pain,
built into a final grim crescendo.
Which lay me to rest.

Now i lie waiting in my tomb.
I wish i could say it was peaceful,
but i am knawed by the same loneliness as before.
A wasted desire to yearn for another.
A friend.
A lover.
Anyone who can prove i am not alone.

Until that time,
Im as good as dead.

I would lie
And say I am fine
Without you
My dear

But it seems
I've knawed off my nails
Peeled the skin at my heels
And watched myself decay

My own voice
In my own head
Tells me
I have to

Funny
What the mind
Can do
To its body

Trapped in snow,
My carriage enthralled.
Only sound I hear, the ravens call.
The wolves in the distance,
Their cries do tease.
Carried on the bite of winters breeze.
The trek is hopeless,
No end in sight.
I shudder fiercely in limitless night.
No fire to warm.
No stars to light.
Dawn approaches through snow ladden trees.
I cannot help but feel at ease.
Stopped to rest, my body weary.
Sleep does come, so dark and dreary.
My body numb.
No tears to cry.
Frozen dead is where I lie.
Knawed upon by bear and bird,
By wolf and shrew.
Consumed by beasts just passing through.
Bones lay picked clean,
Dressed by morning dew.
Fragmented, scattered, is where I remain.
Haunted eternally by the ravens refrain.

Laying shallow in the darkness dept,
Wishing there were a final step to be leapt,
The Safety of her blankets near,
But she couldn't get away from this kind of fear.

Floating on this streamline bed,
Her only thoughts were filled with dread.
All the monsters knawed away
Any faith she still had to this day.

Submerged in this streamline bed,
A note for tomorrow to be read.

She once read in a book (or was it online)
Still to this moment she managed alone,
Because her parents were gone most of the time.
(Her life to be the same percentage as her phone)

"the morning is wiser than the evening"

And yet after all this time she was still focused on leaving

Decending in the streamline bed,
Her soul was tossed to the demons-they deserved to be fed.

A glimmer of peace,
In the final defeat,
Lost in this streamline bed,
Her wish was granted-she was finally dead.

The aching
The burning
The pain so unbearable
I think I just might cut it out
Leave it laying there
Still beating
Still whistling with life
Just so I might forget
That infection you left behind
That knawed through the flesh
Crawled up the bone
Only to live incurable
In the memories
That never quit left my grasp

The ones That always pop up when i least expect
Waving their hand
Screaming my name
The second they remember
That their presence can ruin my day

Take my breath away
And make me never want it
back