I've seen you once before,
And instantly I wanted more,
You didn't know my name,
I spilled my drink on you,
You laughed it off and then I knew,
My life was about to change,
I walked you home that night,
It was cold,
And you held me tight,
How could I go away,
We talked everyday since then,
In the morning and evening,
I always knew you'd stay,
You whispered, I do,
I held back the tears,
Said, I do too,
And now you have my name.

A very long, a very rough day I've had
  Explaining a dark visitor & frozen pizza
   ....no celebrating with food today

Why? What's up?
Ahhhh honey, he came to take her today

  Who came? For whom?
Doesn't really matter

You mean I don't know her? Or him?
No, you don't
Know her, or him...yet, I mean
& I doubt you're gonna meet either
one of them, for a very long time

Oh, now I'm just confused.
why do you say it doesn't matter?
Well some things are just gonna
*happen anyway ya know?
this one will intrude regardless
    ~ a divine intervention~
seriously, doesn't care about my feelings
or anyone's for that matter
came 7 months back, took him too

Oh yeah, that's right, go on...
you mean kismit?

I mean, he was her true love
I know, I could see it in her eyes
~heard the loudest sound I've ever heard~ she said,
~the most painful sound of goodbye~

(my version, or vision if you will)
came in the flash of a bullet
sent in a river of crimson blood sacrifice
brought on the tongue
of old man winter
rushing in on that frozen white water
escaping, again... onto  the kitchen floor

Slow down, I remember,
poetic but so dramatic,
that is very unfortunate...
(a well-meaning understatement)
    Nobody would have said
    that about Romeo and Juliet
as I, feeling a tad bit patronized
& followed by an obligatory hug,
then a peck on the forehead
~well meaning again of course ~

I heard all the stories
we visited in the hospital
just this past July, right before the 4th

Gotta love a sense of humor...
         (more kidding?)

That  was the longest & the strangest
week of my life, hands down,
I seem to recall  we didn't know if I was going to make it either...
as some seemingly inaudible
thoughts come out

as you know, you can't hide your
feelings, or actions from me
     ... haunted I am.

Yes, I do... fortunately or unfortunately, kidding, just kidding... relax.
Insomniacs you ladies are,
well sometimes anyway.
I sleep like a baby.

A baby?....I don't know about that
Really?
Do you think I'm staying awake for my looks?
...feeling fingers toward tired eyes
Do you think
I'm not sleeping intentionally?
~Sarcastically said~
I've done everything, including stand
on my **** head
tried every wild remedy known to man

Sensible man to say that though,
seeing my face, turning
bright red  in confusion
not ill-tempered,
I'm feeling vexed and a bit perplexed

I guess, your gypsy heart sure is impossible to understand & I see you have a curse
suppose it could be worse,
the woes of an empath?
Those signs you see,
strange dreams, kind of  a mystery
messages you find,
my Grandmother died from that ya know?

Just a nod of my head following...

Anyway, let me get this straight
your friend, the one you met
in that nice  hospital
(Now, I know he must be kidding )
so, this dark visitor took her love first,
now you two are friends
and somehow he just took a friend
that you two have in common,
a sorta new friend?

Yeah that's right
Kinda

Well I'm still a little confused,
because I thought he committed suicide? What about her?

~A very deep breath following~
Suicide...ya know I hate that word
Like an overdosing of life
but reflected in a bad way
sounds kinda like you wanted to do it
I know in these particular situations
& circumstances
that wasn't the case

Maybe that's true sometimes

I believe, sometimes people just
can't understand, the  taking
or the leaving, they literally break inside
come unglued... apart at the seams
feel like they're going to jump
right out of  their skin
I listened to her tell his story
he said he didn't feel right
that morning
was the only thing,
was the only warning
from a flood
all those traumatic & dramatic
military memories
coming back
*back in full brilliant color
ONE FLASH of white light

From what did she go? Or him?
  I don't know
Being too nice?
  If that's the case
.....I'm a dead woman walking

Still an excuse?
For what?
What's in your hand?

This darlin'? Haha, very funny
   (more uncomfortable humor?)

well, a drink of wine
& blowing a little smoke,
trying to just breathe
ain't the worst thing I'm fearing

No? What is?

That  fancy dressed cloaked visitor
who'd ya think smarty-pants?
hoping he
...or she,   I really don't know
hoping that one, doesn't darken
our door anytime soon

Yeah hey there's no moon,
interesting, well...alright then,
better catch some zzzzz's, get some rest
I wouldn't worry you're not "that nice"
haha, just kidding -again I love you
last call, last offering of that "humor"

Followed by a much more
sincere hug, deep and long
a soft kiss on the cheek trying to take a tear as fingers clutch at a paint stained
t-shirt, grasping at a
picture of what love is.
Just Breathe, she tells herself

Must be one of those time jokes
I didn't have the time to laugh
sorry sweetness
Emmmm...& yeah, rest

as I am tipping that last bit, a swallow...
as I am sipping that last tiny morsel
of bittersweet summer wine,
lighting a joint,
and a candle in the darkness
blowin' smoke
stepping outside,
looking into the wild night
saved all for such an occasion...
& trying to catch a glimpse
of that lovely luminous lady

I don't know if it's going to come cuz
I'm sooooo **** nice
more than likely, just cuz
my paper heart, is so **** heavy
can't take the weight off
or the waiting
it's just so **** heavy
probably won't be able
to lift it up one day
stuck in that long sleeping bed ....eventually..
forever sleeping, forcing a stop by

No words follow now
just calm quietness, as the flame
dances and licks at the air
tasting freedom,
she moves like grace
filled with gratitude
living for the coming midnight
even the crickets are tight-lipped
as you are watching over us again

I bow my head and say a silent prayer
It's 11:11...that angel I see her flying
and she's no longer trying to explain to the world her decision to go, they couldn't know that she's no longer crying
in a crumpled ball of paper
in her wastebasket
releasing the ink into the atmosphere
so I can write it all down.
down,
                   d
                         o
                               w
                                    n
been down very different paths her & I
all hoping for the same thing, a heavenly ever after, forgiveness of our sins...

Sounds like suicide, I know
...but hey, they'll be plenty of resting
I hear,
and the endlessness....
long sleeping I fear,
when I'm gone just
another tragic ending to the day

Well alright
goodnight and I love you too
  my lovely little
  Angry Angels.

Cherie Nolan © 2016

Real and feel
Just have to rhyme
So I can write you a poem
About my real feelings
One more time

Storybook ******* finds
a hero riding in on horseback
with grave purpose and noble intent.
Saving the day, or the damsel.
Kissing the problems awake,
rending the wolf's innards to find her.
Building the machine or spell that somehow fixes things.
Hard and dark, like burned wood,
are his eyes.
Broad and strong are his shoulders.
Trite and compromised are his deeds.
And so, in fiction we are saved.
In fiction we somehow still need saving.
Karma is a lie, kismit doubly so.
If there exists a path through the dark it is only because other damaged and broken people trod it there.
We don't have noble intent, we don't have hard eyes, but we occasionally accidentally build the mechanism that fixes things.
Not in whole.
Not completely.
And not even well.
Almost never is it perfect, occasionally it is better. But it is change, nonetheless.
It is change!
It is a start.
It is grave purpose.
Storybook ******* be ******.