Savages

The sting of your words concentrated
at my left temple,
As cold as a barrel
awaiting the blow.
These wounds have torn me apart.
So many hands have
Snatched away my substance until
all I am reduced to is bone.
Savages,
cave dwellers,
ready to run like a cannibal
With my heart
in your hands.

How can I go on aiming my arrows in midair?
Hitting nothing,
going nowhere,
relentless but hopeless.

My identity is formed in your merciless hands
and ignorant eyes
which see beyond the petty and toxic names
you throw at me.

Didn’t I coax your wounds?
Wasn’t I there?
Didn’t I let you lay your head on my lap,
and tickled your back?
But now I realize you eat your two helpings
of manipulation and a vindictive
Side, cleaning the plate.
And with your belly full
you are fully aware
of how to trap me.

Why did I even tell you my past?
Expose my vulnerabilities?
I wanted to share so much,
I knew it would last.
But if trust is thrown around
like a grenade in the summer wind,
It will blow in my direction.
Annihilate trust for good, rip apart my soul.

You are uncivilized
While I am civilized
You are unpolished and ferocious
While I am polished and kind.
You are a savage
And I am an angel.
And one day you will be reduced to the filth
you walk on
While I will ascend to the sky
you will never see…

Kena SunGoddess Dawn 2010

Pagi memamah bangkai di halaman. Bangkai yang kami mangsa bersama semalam sembari duduk melingkar dan mengumpat atas ketidakmujuran yang menghantui kami. Ah, tapi ketidakmujuran dan kesendirian itu toh akhirnya diobati oleh makan malam bersama yang getir dan sangit. Kami sendirian bersama. Kami tidak mujur dan sendirian bersama agar dapat menyantap makan malam ini. Makan malam dengan menu bangkai bersaus pedas ditambah rempah, baunya yang pedih menusuk sengaja kami umbar sebagai pertanda bahwa kami telah hadir di kaki gunung yang belum menampakkan kehangatannya. Kaki gunung yang masih menjegal kaki kami. Kaki gunung yang tajam. Tapi malam mewujud dari lingsir menjadi lengser dan mentari dengan cepatnya kembali mencemooh melalui pagi. Lebih cepat dari kami yang sedang memangsa bangkai. Lebih cepat dari kunyahan kami pada tiap otot dan lemak. Sisa-sisa bangkai yang kami mangsa bersama semalam pun tercecer di halaman bersama bulir beras serta bebijian yang terjatuh dari kelopak mata kami, gantikan air mata. Kami harus membuang bangkai itu segera dan tak boleh sampai terlihat memangsa bangkai. Memangsa bangkai bukanlah hal yang patut dibanggakan terlebih lagi di kaki gunung yang beradab. Halaman kami berbau bangkai. Tak masalah jika aroma itu menujam hidung kala malam, karena manusia yang lalai akan menganggapnya sebagai mimpi belaka. Namun jika sampai bau itu tercium kala pagi maka kami lah yang akan kena kutuk. Kami akan menjadi anak-anak terkasih setan kaki gunung. Meski kami memangsa bangkai, kami tak menginginkannya. Kami hanya ingin bahagia dan dapat saling mencintai. Bangkai-bangkai itu tercecer dan kami tak memiliki tanah untuk mengubur bongkahan yang kini dimamah oleh pagi yang acuh. Pagi yang dingin. Pagi yang memanas. Pagi yang bising. Pagi yang dangdut. Pagi yang berdebu. Pagi yang memamah bangkai di halaman. Kami tak memiliki tanah untuk mengubur bangkai yang kami mangsa. Segala tanah telah beralih pada bak lapuk di kamar mandi agar kami dapat mensucikan diri siang nanti. Dan yang tersisa di halaman hanyalah bangkai, bulir beras, serta darah yang mengalir deras dari sungai di belakang kami. Pagi baru di ujung kepala. Belum banyak mata yang dapat menyaksikan nestapa kami. Bangkai-bangkai yang belum selesai kami kunyah, kami harus segera menyingkirkannya.

Pagi memamah bangkai di halaman. Kami memamah bangkai di halaman.

Serreh, 2017

Incandescent

The frost coats our windowpane,
and outside the world sleeps
in its arctic cocoon.
You are my fire,
we are wrapped up in our warmth
while staring at the moon.
The pheromones in the air
produce pins and needles
which tingle up my skin.
Acupuncture
to heal my sickness for love,
detoxifying me from within.
If I were angry
you would pacify me.
If I had a disease
you would medicate me.
I once was blind,
but now I can see,
that with you, my wise master,
I can erase the past
and rewrite history.
Winter creeps up
with its icy touch,
looking to barren my soul.
But enveloped in your embrace,
I have full control.
Turning up the heat to help me survive,
this journey we have,
all through the night.
The frost coats our windowpane,
while you glaze my heart with your
warm honey…
Restore my oxygen,
pump my veins,
Turn up the dial on by body
a few degrees.
Even if the world freezes over
from Winter’s mad spell,
we will still live through the
Cryogenics of our love,
and deny all law of physics.
For as long as your heart is beating…
mine will reside-
although the world sleeps
through the storm,
while frozen on the outside.
But the brilliance of our love
will always be…
Incandescent.

Kena SunGoddess Dawn 2009

A woman reborn

Living off the high of you,
A melody that plays over and over on my mind.
Memories overlapping fantasies,
because what is real
Seems surreal…
Linking hearts and minds, passions and dreams,
I want to swim in your pool of serene,
And bathe in your essence of masculinity
And feel refreshed, ready to be reborn
Into this new woman,
One who has been locked in chains for so long…
Can we create a new song?
Where I sing
And let your fingers press
Against...and produce the beat
Inside my heart.
You are the creator of my soul
And I am the singer of the song
That we produce,
One that we have been anticipating for too long…
Floating off the keys of love,
No discordance to this union
For once I have someone who understands
The music that flows in me,
Who perfects my every melody,
Whose skilled hands caress every inch of
My imperfections…
I love him... for he is the Creator of my soul,
He makes me whole….

Kena SunGoddess Dawn 2011

Suatu hari semesta ingin aku hancur sehancur hancurnya
Diterpa angin, di hujam badai, terbentur tanah, terhantam bumi
Kepalaku akan terhantam bumi
Lalu aku akan kembali padamu dengan dua kemungkinan
Apakah aku sudah sembuh?
Apakah aku kena gegar otak?