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You keep saying everything's fine,
But honestly, I don't believe you.

I've been betrayed over and over again,
And set aside by those whom I thought friends.
I've been judged for being me;
and for wanting company.
I've changed my ways and habits to be to their likeness. They, in turn, spit in my face.

I've been forgotten by those whom I thought of as equals, as true friends, maybe even family.
And yet I'm here thinking about those who have wronged me, asking myself what I did to deserve this.

I've been declared guilty, guilty by association. Bound to be forgotten and never spoken to.

And all of this because I was innocently honest about one tiny thing,
That turned out to be massive in the eyes of mummy's boy.
Jasmin Jul 2015
We don't hate the world we see,
we only loathe the society where no one can flee.
Ask for a cup of hot tea,
they'd judge you for not drinking a coffee.
Simple things, they'd make it as serious issues;
Serious matters, they'd pretend it doesn't exist.
Unknown people will always be ignored,
everyone knows their hardships, but no one cared enough to end it.
The popular ones have had their sufferings too,
I'm asking, why only them get the sympathy?
Aren't we all pretty?
Carter Ginter Dec 2014
The pills taunt me from beside my bed
as I lay here, tortured within by each
painful heartbeat burning within my
chest and weighting my back to the lumped brick
of springs and polyester fiber.
Those blue beauties sleeping silently in their
sun fire home, why can't I sleep too?

One, two, five, ten, my throat counts
my way to freedom
Ironic, how we all have different definitions of
salvation. I adopted these babies to
"save myself," so the doctors think

Tonight it's Judgement Day.
This is super ****** up and probably terribly written. These anti depressants are affecting my ability to write.
Have you ever wondered about your own mortality? What is ahead of you in the depths of Limbo while you continue to wait for a 'judgement day'?

Humans are vulnerable to such thoughts obstructing their minds. Everything becomes clouded before it turns into a blur. Then you are no longer.

Mortals spend their time going through a routine while we cast down to watch, much to our dismay.

You never know what fate has in store for you, so don't complain. Do not fret nor worry. Time is all that matters. The twisted hands of two for to forever interlock in the dance of Death and Life. Never shall such beings intervene.

Raven eyes set bright and clear as snow on nights of ice and dew.

Ebony feathers drop with a platinum glow amongst their linings against the lighting of the moon.

A ****** crystal and cerulean gem that shine so bright together even if it isn't natural for such shades.

Balanced, are the world of the living and the world of spirits. Pureness and corruption are never to overcome one another. Balance is key and the key is a truth you still have yet to find.
gleck Jan 2017
Believer or not, there's always someone or something that stops you.

Others pushing you so you almost push yourself off, but they have no clue.

And you know you can't go to heaven if you cause others grief.

And suicide is only seen as a way out for the weak.

I don't judge those who left this world, they took their fate into their hands.

There are other ways to do it though, they could have made future plans.

But those were determined last steps, hard choices to leave life behind.

Still, instead I hope people continue to express themselves with tears and rhymes.
Today is not the day, my friend
Umi Mar 2018
The last judgement shall not hold mercy on the servants, but it shall not wrong them in their deeds either, it is the final decision to make,
The end of a long journey which births the desire to see you again,
Your reflection cast on a mirror in a sea of pure lunacy shall clear it all
It will open your heart and reveal all of your sinning impurities cast away by words of falsities, triggered by a simple yet small lie,
Heartfelt dream scapes shape the mirror; In a world so dark that the stars will blind ones sensitive, mortal eyes within seconds to come,
Experience of past events suspend memories from the future's dawn.
I will not show you any sad dreams, I'd like to heal your wounds if you have striven for righteousness and purity such as patience,
If you however have striven for corruption then you should know,
There's unending punishment and darkness awaiting your arrival,
Here we do have unlimitted time after all, unlimited cruelty and fear,
Love comes in misery, ends unexpectedly yet you won't see, will you?
Time ticks on, goes by and follows it's clear path in this devil's world which I am lurking over, ruling, which you have intruded tonight,
Take my hand oh all you pure souls, the love of light is for all to bear!

~ Umi
Umi May 2018
Gathered in a dark night,
Because there lies fantasy of the final judge, my beloved servant,
The skyline set before a calm sunset is a clear memory, stained.
Like flowers, we rise and fall through life's misery.
Dream on- I love you, my dear servant, cling on to my wings,
For a world we see is true, what we manifest, is simply true devilry,
What I'll build you is a castle of crystal starlight.
Ready the flames of misery, slice through fate and shape the world,
My devil's angel, lean on to me, be by my side,
Ah, take hold of me and fly with me, through this spring dream,
Ah, believe our dream and don't let go; and I tie our fates,
Ah, the answer sought by this world's end is but a mystical square,
Ah, cascade through this thrilling, lingering, sweet darkness,
I will fill it with falling stars; like the snowfall to make it brighter,
Forgotten by heaven and hell, a kingdom forms in pandemonium,
Voving affection, does not only lead us to light, but will save all,
Take my hand, for the love of light is for all to bear.

~ Umi
I tried, I really did
Carter Ginter Nov 2018
I walk around these places
Trans-centric spaces
Yet I don't feel like I belong
I know that
I look like them
And based on my reading
I feel like them too
Though I still have this sense
That I somehow do not count
I am not quite enough
I feel without a place
Maybe because last time
I was at a trans art show
And my art lives in words
Not in images on canvas
Just another piece of me
That doesn't quite feel
Real enough or
Good enough
To be taken seriously
And I know
I know
This all boils down to
The way I treat myself
But I'm trying
I'm trying
Some things just take time
Umi Dec 2017
When the Devil falls he brings us pain
As if it were Acid to rain
Just like that, I give in, there's nothing I can gain

Such a falling devil, who lands on my heart
And then decides to tear it all apart....
And all of that simply because I have lowered my guard

I cannot put myself to rest, this life is a hell without an end
And while this demon consumes me slowly and wants me to bend
I am witnessing the loss of my one friend

What is happening, am I crazy, am I mad ?
But that shouldn't be bad...
If I seal myself away, this devil won't make me sad

I don't want to be evil I don't want to be twisted...
But its my fault because I have not resisted...
Maybe I have become a devil
Maybe this is my downfall
No, theres no need for you to bring me into the judgement hall

Just throw me into hell...
I know I deserve it well..


~ Umi
Michael A Duff Dec 2017
She could be both a colorless tasteless poison or the elixir of life it was how she felt that decided your drink.

Stinging souls to their core,  with her way she could both capture hearts or release them to her fire as she desired.

Damaged ego, too much pride, and a victims heart helped her slip past happiness to find fault in the other half.

Always running away but going nowhere, putting things behind her only to weigh her down, a victim of her own deeds, blameless.

She's blissful in her isolation, a prison she wishes she could break however that requires more than a glance in the mirror of honesty.
a girl so prideful, a ego so large to fool you into thinking you were at fault, and undeserving, the one mistreating her...Sadly she still has my heart, she opened it and crushed it in a matter of years,
Umi Feb 2018
I will rise,
Rise to paradise again
Spread my wings, free from any chain,
With only one goal in my eyes I look to the sky
Then I rise, yes I will rise
From the hellfire, no matter the price

May I burn
Take my turn

But then it will surely be my time to shine
The beauty of the heavens will surely be mine
I will not stand these flames,
Embrace my devilish distorted wings
See what good that may brings
One last judgement
On this long lasting journey
I will rise, rise, no matter the price
A future dawns dream, draws near

Make it clear

In this realm of art and devilry
Heartfelt dream scapes shape the mirror
In a world so dark that the stars will blind-

Refuse to fall!

Forgotten by both Heaven and Hell
A craft of hearts forms my kingdom!
Take my hand, all ye pariah souls-
The love of light is for all to bear!

~ Umi
Waffles Jul 2018
When my inner self and my outer self disagree
I tend to let my inner self free
I will not be repressed by society.

I am labeled straight forward
abrasive
Some say it with respect and admiration
Others, like I have a disorder

They can call me abrasive
I'm prepared for it to continue
until my inner self fully replaces
judgement with Love

I am determined to seek empathy
I will continue to let my inner self free
I will not be repressed by society.

I have a long way to go
but, I trust me.
Living through life's mediocrity,
With nobody by my side

No one to listen to my lament
No one to hold me to heart's content
And any rumors I circumvent
keeping me writhing in self-torment

I'm the one percent
Who expresses dissent
In the face of judgement

Nevertheless,
I close myself in this mental convent
In the presence of anyone I frequent

And alone at this desk is where to my frustration I give vent...
Letting my heart, speak it's malcontent,
And in writing, it's true intent

Until I eventually get to the full-stop.
Carter Ginter Jan 2018
"Commitment issues"
Commitment: a designated set of time
Issues: problems

So I cannot, successfully,
Designate an "appropriate" amount of time
To a relationship
Is that right?

Keep in mind,
These women enter my life
And I tell them I don't believe in marriage
And they say "that's ok"
Until it's not.

Maybe it's a comment I made
Or maybe they forgot
But something changes over time
And I am not an object
I am not some possession
That people can lay claims to
I am a human
With ever-changing needs and desires
With thoughts and feelings
And my own perception of reality

So maybe I get anxious when people
Try to put some hold on me
You chalk it up to commitment issues
What if I just don't like feeling owned?
What if I simply refuse
To let anyone remove my autonomy?

And what's even wrong with that?
Who gets to decide what is an
"Appropriate" amount of time?
Oh, wait,
That's "forever" right?
Says who?
Why should I continue to chase this
Socially-constructed dream
Of spending my entire life with one person
If that's not what makes me happy?

Trust me, I've tried for a long time
And I could never seem to find
A singular being
Who I'd willingly spend eternity with
If that even exists
And until this point
I've been unhappy most of my life
Reflecting on my failed attempts at
Happy monogamy

I am finally happy now
Free love is beautiful
It has liberated my soul
It has liberated my love
And my sense of self
For once I feel happy most days
I am focusing on myself now
Instead of pouring everything into another
I'm growing more everyday
And learning more about who I am

But you just brush that off
Saying my polyamorous identification
Is a manifestation
Of some fear of commitment
It couldn't possibly be the real me
It couldn't possibly be the way I feel happiest
Because it's not the "normal" way to desire?
It's not the logical form of love?
Or it's just different
Or it's just new
And you rejecting it within me
Means you aren't accepting me for who I am
In this moment

If that's the case
Then I don't know who you're in love with
Because this is who I am
Whether you like it
Or disagree with it
Or not
This is who I am
And I'm so over
Trying to validate
Justify
And explain myself
Just because someone disagrees with my form of loving
Tatiana Jun 18
They read our unlabeled books
laughing every second
our minds erupt
©Tatiana

how troublesome it is to be judged
.
.
.
Check out the other poems in this mini series I wrote
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3198382/looks-****/
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3198466/peace/
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/3198472/my-friend/
lila Feb 13
it’s no secret
that i’m short
it’s always been that way
and it will always be that way
stuck at 4’9 forever

and by the laws of physics
or science
or whatever
i don’t really
take up much space

but ever since i was young
i couldn’t help but feel
that i was too much
i took up too much of the room
around me

so a lots of times
there were these thoughts
always playing, like static
telling me how
to take up less space
or make less noise
and become even more
invisible

pull your arms closer
tuck them in your lap
tip toe, so floorboards
don’t creak under your steps
don’t move
keep still
and most definitely
do not let any words slip from your mouth
because any noise, and movement
brings attention
and attention brings judgement
from the people around you
so just blend in
and be invisible
never take up too much space

but that was not living
and i’m sad it’s taken this long to realize
that my existence is too beautiful
to be invisible
and blend in among the crowd
so i will stomp the ground
and shake the earth beneath
i will laugh and
shout and dance
and let everyone know that i am here
because i am worthy
of taking up space
-2/12/2019
She Writes Jul 2018
Regret
Consumed my thoughts
Swallowed my soul
Ate away at my sanity
Unable to stop this cycle
Of negativity

I should have passed
Less judgement
I should have been
More understanding
I should have cherished
Every moment we shared

Worried that I have lost my chance
Will I ever make you laugh again?
Will we ever make new memories?
I should have told you I love you
When I had the chance
To hear it back
Ally Gottesman Mar 2018
Burn your thoughts of me
To a ******* crisp
All the falsities
All the rumors

Burn what you believe of me
To ash, and ****
Those who wronged
Those who lied

Burn your judgements of me
To the ground
Let the smoke rise
Let the wounds mend

Burn your thoughts of me
To a ******* crisp
Tell me your truth
I'll help you to cleanse
sx
no longer will i live ashamed
of the love i have for the beauty of ***
it leans so closely towards the soul
resting upon its aura

Until proven otherwise
i will continue to live alone with this newfound
pride and fortune
for it will never end this bold admiration i have
for the human body and the many things it creates and devours within itself
all for the purpose of pleasure and satisfaction
i cannot help but be deeply inspired by it all
feel overwhelmed by its thunderous aesthetic brilliance

We breathe into fear
we grow into darkness
and out of a primal and immovable void
as if it was meant to be left unknown
and stuffed into the dark

Often ruined by our tendency to overthink
often degraded or stolen
misjudged and maltreated
no longer is *** ethereal at heart
it now comes with intentions we dig to find
and learn to detest, intensely digest, or ponder
wonderfully and soulfully until it is all rotten

I hope to one day witness fearlessness
and untouched salvation  
beneath the spirit of an *******
a moment unfolded and left unstretched
by time and heavy worries committed to by energy and time
I hope to one day become unburdened and understood
left unspoken for
for these are my words on S E X

One does not have to participate to appreciate its effervescent presence in spaces
it is eternal and wonders like God amongst men
We were blessed and we shall be thankful
for when it is felt in full
by as many as necessary
don't know where this came from honestly but i really like it!
Carter Ginter Sep 2018
The savior
The perfect partner
The dominant
The free spirit
The fiancé
The parental substitute
The anarchist
The sweetheart
The nice guy
All of these aspects of myself
Yet none of them are fully me
These are the roles I've fallen into
In order to match my various partners
And though all of these may be
Different components of me
None of them feels quite whole
I do not feel whole

All of these personalities
Exist on a spectrum of time and space
None interacting with any others
Each signifies a distinct point in life
Each has its own home
It's own experiences
Attitudes and viewpoints
Behaviors and habits

Yet what do I do when
Two of my contextualized selves
Decide to overlap?
When my ex who knew the fiancé
Moves back to town where I live
As does my person
Who's heard stories of the others
But who only knows the nice guy

How do I begin to heal when
I do not understand what is real
And what existed solely for others?
How do I continue to grow
When the fiancé is fighting restraints
And the nice guy is exhausted
The sweetheart does not exist
And the anarchist screams for revolution?

They seem to be fighting each other
Just to have a chance to breathe
A chance to take the wheel
A chance to control "me"
Yet who even am I?
Are all of these selves fabricated
Or are they hyperbolized aspects of me
Connectable like puzzle pieces
Into one beautiful picture?

The problem is
The picture I see is not beautiful
I'm trying to be nice to myself
But all I see and feel is darkness
I am an abomination
An evil person who cannot be trusted
A dark soul inhabiting an empty body
A person who is not a person
A human with a lack of self
It's almost like I'm not even alive
But even death would be a relief
So I can finally end the confusion
And stop hurting people along the way
A silent snigger is a lion's roar to me.
I reject them on every level,
From their shoes to their sickly smiles,
All eyes shall  cower from my glare
I will go my own way
Experimental verse for graphic novel about the life of painter Vincent van Gogh See  (collection for full list)
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