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Alyssa Underwood Mar 2016
What is this, Lord Jesus, that Thou shouldst make an end
Of all that I possess, and give Thyself to me?
So that there is nothing now to call my own
Save Thee; Thyself alone my treasure.
Taking all, Thou givest full measure of Thyself
With all things else eternal—
Things unlike the mouldly pelf by earth possessed.
But as to life and godliness, all things are mine
And in God's garments dressed I am;
With Thee, an heir to riches in the spheres divine.
Strange, I say, that suffering loss
I have so gained everything in getting
Me a friend who bore a cross.

                                         ~ Jim Elliot (1927-1956)
Jess Balingit Sep 2014
I'm sitting here at my window, gazing up at the sky's beauty after rain pour, and how the moon illuminates the clouds like a night light. And suddenly I'm okay with the storm that's been roaring in my head, it's all come to an end. People are like clouds - there for the storm, and gone once it's passed. But the moon in my sky has and always will be there to bring light to my darkest days.
emilee haman Jul 2015
July 17, 2014
i hate myself because i'm not who i want to be.
the face in the mirror staring back at me isn't me.
these empty voids can't be filled;
not with love, hatred, or even lust.
i want to be done.

July 26, 2014
i am done.

July 27, 2014
i said i'm done but i'm not.
i can change
things can change
this is not my end.

October 18, 2014
things are starting to look up.
i am SO content
i am happy to be alive

November 8, 2014
is this a lie?
is anyone truly happy?

December 12, 2014
i can't go down that road
i'm lost
afraid
and begging for help

February 11, 2015
everyone says life is better after high school
if i can make it until graduation everything will be okay

April 27, 2015
what will they write about me once i'm gone?
will i be missed?
do you think everyone will hate me?
will they understand?

May 23, 2015
i'm eighteen now
i have to pull it together
adults don't think like this

May 30, 2015
high school is over
i'm not happy
i'm lost

June 15, 2015
who am i?

July 13, 2015
am i a good person?
did i change the world?
will i be missed?

July 14, 2015
----------------------
Written July 14, 2015
Corey Apr 2016
Minutes after - complete despair,shaking body and lack of functionality, decision making at its worst
The morning after - headache, weak muscles, and no tears left to shed after last night
Day 2 - more tears brought when telling people the news
Day 5 - regret, anxiety, and wondering if I've made the right choice
Day 10 - loneliness, after talking to someone day after day to no one
Day 15 - first contact and I've found out you moved on
Day 20 - “I have needs” ****** ones that you only just recently discovered with me?
Day 25- regret, and confiding in people I shouldn't be talking to
Day 35 - wanting to confide in you again, but giving you space
Day 40 - flirtatious with others
Day 50 - love at first sight, falling in love with nearly every attractive woman I see
Day 60 - it makes me smile when you think I am tweeting about you, don't try and start ****
Day 80 - regret and depression, worse depression than directly after the breakup

Day 100 - talking to others is tough, finding that I am quickly wanting to fall in love with them and leading them on. The sorrow aches at night, but is forgotten in the daylight
Day 110 - I cut ties with the people I've wrongly confided in, I am alone again
Day 125 - insecurity as I feel I should go out on dates as friends have told me to
Day 150 - skipping school, poor attitude, and hard hitting sarcasm
Day 175 - you are on your third or fourth new “boyfriend.” I've lost count

Day 200 - the connection with my friends are becoming weaker and weaker. My will to do anything is diminishing. My life is crumbling
Day 220 - I feel both distain and joy of your love life since we broke up. You can't seem to keep anyone around you
Day 240 - trying to rebuild my self esteem and a bond with my closest friends
Day 260 - once again confiding in the wrong people and leading others on
Day 270 - found my anthem, my song that will get me through this pain and will show me that I won't be tortured by this anymore, not today

Day 300 - slowly rebuilding my life, each day reminding myself that this too shall pass
Day 330 - the thought of you is one of distain and regret
Day 365 - a whole year, and still the nights torture me with regret, sorrow, and loneliness. I have only a song to get me through and it is becoming not enough.
Day 380 - happy birthday wishes were not sent
Day 390 - the cold nights make me miss you more than I should. December is a hard time for a break up

Day 400 - I thought I'd found love but it was too selfish and not selfless
Day 420 - feeling good, my friends are close and scarves are wrapped tightly around my neck for warmth
Day 430 - I finally feel free
Day 440 - my freedom has been revoked as the mind torments my soul with unrequited love for another
Day 460 - Most of my time is spent without you anywhere on my mind. I seem to have virtually forgotten you until I am reminded. Though when I am reminded, it is a flood.
Day 480 - the thought of you is one of nostalgia

Day 500 - today someone I went to high school with asked me if I was still dating 'that girl'. I said no, and they asked what her name was, as they seem to have forgotten.
I say, “Allison…..”
Silence for about fifteen seconds
They ask, “which one?”
“I… I'm… Drawing a blank,” stunned, I say, “I can't believe I can't think of her last name!”
When it finally comes to me, I feel embarrassed. I quickly end the conversation and leave.
I get in my car and then I realize what just happened.

Me forgetting her name, that was me getting over her. That was me finally being okay with my decision. Finally being secure with myself, and finally moving on.

Day 530 - even today, writing this I feel nothing more than nostalgia for our time together. It was wonderful but ended poorly, unfortunately.
I have no intentions of contacting you, and apparently neither you to me. Though, I hope you are well.
This has been one month of true freedom, the longest since we broke up. So I wrote this to celebrate. I hope you see how much you meant to me, and realize both how little, you make it seem, you cared about me and how much pain this has caused me over the past 500 days.
I apologize for the length, though if you did stick through it I both commend and thank you. Stay strong.
Tori Dec 2018
'Neath a cover of black faux leather
bursting with half-written verses
Lie coffee stains, old bird feathers
and lines of illegible cursive
the bitterness of heartbreak
on lines by brine besmeared
of victories and of mistakes
and thresholds I have cleared
This is my skeleton key
a glance into thoughts long passed,
for my broken memory
I hold a looking glass.
Ylang Ylang Aug 2018
Lions of this far country,                    
of this desolated arid land,
exhibited unusual signs of ferocity-      
-you could see it in their eyes, the way they moved and how they behaved.
Planejane2 Jun 8
What are you?
Are you a poet or rapper?
Are you Tupac reincarnated
Your voice is so different
Yet so intrinsic
I admire you
I aspire to do
What you do
But lil ole me
Could never say these
Words out loud
I commend you for pouring your heart to a crowd.
I pour my soul to these sheets and release
Them to the public like a long lost journal.
You are brave I admire you.
Thanks for sharing your poems.
L Jun 21
Cryptic.
Miss understood.

At it again.
Your one and only friend.

But is it
What is seems?
Falling apart
At the seams.
Are you thinking what im thinking,
Are you what you think you are
You me? Are you, me? Im not
Sure, you are.
No?
Stesekes
Planejane2 Jan 25
Why do I see signs? Why do I miss you? Why am I crying?
Do I know what I had?
Was what I had good enough for me?
Or do I just feel lonely at this moment.
Do I long for companionship?
Or were you my true best friend?
I don't know, but I miss you.
If we were never to see each other again, I love you.
Conditionally,
under the conditions that we will never meet again.

...

But I see you in the signs.
I went to take J* to get her hair done at T's,
she told me she from off Candler Road, just like your G
From the southside, but I was up North, so why not go your way.
Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving you but I know I couldn't stay.
My battery almost died.
I remember when yours would never charge,
You would ask for my help and I'd passively aggressively say no
I used to pay 650,
I still pay 650.
I always felt like you were never trying to elevate with me.
I got J**
a Red Bull, her favorite.
I always tell her it's not good for her, but I still got it.
The can had PAC-MAN on it.
You'd always play that game.
We always played games with each other.
I realized there are no signs.
I was just having memories.
I love you conditionally.
If we are never meant to be together again.
But I unconditionally (If you ever call me) will always be your friend.
unconditional friendship companionship relationship love moving on condtional
Homunculus Jan 31
The temperature has been in the low single digits since the early morning hours. As I venture outside, everything is gray and lifeless. The brightest and most vibrant objects in this glum portrait of a day are the snowflakes. They dance; they flicker; they undulate, glistening midair in balletic flourishes, descending hesitantly to the ground, and then scattering back into the winds as they land. One of nature's cryptic metaphors? Perhaps, but who's to say? As my eyes take stock of the world around me, I find that I am surrounded on all sides by death and decay. Time has stripped the deciduous trees of their once vibrant autumn leaves, which have long since abandoned the branches to be raked up and wither into mulch. Juxtaposed against these, every block or so, are the evergreens, which seem at once to mock proudly their barren counterparts, and also to weep quietly in sullen isolation. The sod has become a hazy yellow which resembles straw, brittle in texture, and browning toward the roots. Within this morbid scenery, I understand that in only a few hours, I could just as easily succumb to the forces of nature which brought it about and become but another mere instance of it. A true illustration of the philosophical doctrine of sublimity. As soon as the sting of the cold makes contact with the skin, the brain kicks into survival mode. “I must escape this.” Nothing could possibly be more important. The leisure with which the homeward journey is usually pursued is completely abandoned. Only urgency remains:

        GET IN CAR
MAKE ROUNDS
STOP AT SIGN
“YOU'RE STOPPING, TOO?
        “TOO BAD; TOO SLOW;
        “TOO. *******. COLD.
        “I. GO. FIRST.

“HEATER'S NOT WORKING??!?!?!”
BANG ON DASHBOARD LIKE CHILD MID-TANTRUM
“HEATER IS WORKING?!?!?!?!”
HANDS IN FRONT OF WARM VENTS
“WINTER'S FORBIDDEN FRUIT!!!!!!!!”
“****, NOW IT'S COLD AGAIN?!?!?!
        “TURN. THE VENTS. OFF.”
“WHY EVEN HAVE A HEATER
        “IF IT ONLY WORKS FOR 30 SEC-”
WHY ARE YOU STOPPING?!?!?!
             THE ******* LIGHT IS
             GREEEEEENNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOOK OVER LEFT SHOULDER
“NOPE, I'LL DIE:
“NOPE, I'LL DIE:
“NOPE, I'LL DIE:
“NOPE... WAIT, THERE'S MY IN!!!!!!
“FINALLY, A STRAIGHTAWAY!!!!!!”

“THE SNOW'S NOT STICKING,
I CAN GO FASTER THAN THIS. NO COP WOULD DARE PULL ME OVER IN THIS ****...

Well, maybe a sadomasochist on some “sir, please step out of the car” type ****, but I don't see one, anyhow.”

Okay, getting closer now. Can almost feel the loving protection of the stately brick walls, the roaring furnace, the tenacious water heater. Just another mile...
Up the hill- left turn- right turn- pull up- park. “Oh boy, here we go again”
*Rigorously examine pockets and center console to be sure nothing is accidentally left behind

Car door opens
“RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

­       I reach the door, shivering like a frightened Chihuahua, hands palsied with cold as I fumble desperately for my key and struggle in the darkness to find the lock. “Click” GOT IT!!!!!!! I turn the key and push the door, but experience resistance due to the towel placed underneath to prevent the draft from coming in. I heave with all my weight and the door budges as I violently stagger into my humble domicile. I make my way into my room to find my cats sleeping intently on my bed. One of them looks up at me like “What's your deal?” Oh, Dante, if only you knew.
I've been reading a lot of Pynchon lately. I like the sort of stream of consciousness prose he launches into sometimes, and decided to tinker with it in my daily writing practice.
Also...
I imported this from my word processor, and the HP algo ****** the entire original formatting up; so I hope you'll forgive some of the aesthetic deficiencies.
graceunderfire Oct 2018
here I am,
still holding onto you,
just like I did when I was fourteen.

here I am,
re-reading all I've wrote:
    "February 7th 2015, Tuesday,
     12:30pm"
    "March 5th 2015, Thursday, 9am"
    "May 20th 2015, Wednesday,
     11:10am"
    "May 22nd 2015, Fri... May 28th
     2015, Thurs... May 29th, June 1st.."

It's been three whole years,
we're coming to the fourth,
your ten digit number,
is still at the tip of my fingers.
  
             Why is it so hard to move on?
             We weren't even together.
             We didn't even have a song;
             Weren't even friends for that
              long.

I guess at that moment I was just so happy,
I lost track of all of the who, what, when, how and whys.
I got lost between sweet words and care,
Then when it all just ended
;

         But I guess that's how we love
         right?
         We don't think, we just love,
         We just care, we just give.
         That alone is so beautiful.
         That alone makes us smile.

          But you see, if it takes a turn,
          And you realise far too late,
          That you have given all of you,
          Now you have nothing left for
          you.
          You know that you're broken,
          But still, you tell yourself it's
          love.
Lash Jul 13
everything is on time.
everything is in time.
noa Dec 2018
i feel like a ghost. i'm just numb and moving forward to nowhere. i'm tired of fake friendships and i'm tired of having no goals. during this time full of beginning i am immersed in the ending of the only good thing i had. i want everyone to step away from me. not in some tragically dramatic way, i just think i need time to create myself and find me because god i feel so lost. i'm craving adventure and freedom because my mind is locked up and terrified of almost everything. i miss being myself. i don't know when exactly i lost myself or where i went, but i haven't seen myself since you drove me home.
come back, i miss myself.
i drunkenly scribbled this down in my journal on august 21st.
A Simillacrum Jul 2018
Master, have mercy.
I am Master. I
Have no Master.

The planet
is atrocious.

I am It.

Planet Earth
is atrocious.

I am It.

Why is it so hard
to see
be yond peace?
Why is it so hard
to be
who you want?

The mind, secluded
in a prison rift
of copy paste
makes waste.

Where is my paper?
Where is my pen?
I write for me!
I repeat as if I
will soon
believe.
I write for me!
(logging on again)

The planet is horrid.
I am part of It.

Oh, Peace & War,
do we know it.

Yet with an audience,
my imagination
grows stagnant.

The once in abstract
gathers into form.

I did this misdeed.
A disservice.

Once a dreamer.
Now a journalist.
This one is for [redacted]
You make me want to run away.
That, is definitely a good thing.
A reminder that I never meant to stay.
sushii Feb 22
They put me in today.
I think it rained.
My emotions will decay.
Loneliness is all that remains.

They put him in, too.
He is sad, as am I.
He said, "I am just as lonely as you."
Is this where I'll die?

It seems I am here to stay.
I long for a friend.

I await the end of this day.

I want it all to end.
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