feeling burdened—it tends to happen
particularly when meddling impressions run rampant
swarm circles in my hefty head, ignore the next exit ramp, and
let devils' advocates covet the cove i donned my dome once upon never
although i know this may be chalked up to intelligence
and subsequent ignorant claims that swear it's heaven sent
i swear it’s not for me. so tell all the hell-bent docents to leave
and let live my cognizance dim—to do what i can’t. to let it be.
it is what it is
and what it is
is it’s
excessive
i don’t need no informants
playing mentee won’t mend me
i’m torn sufficiently
far as i can see, it seems
don’t mentor she who beseeches
by way of screams and screeches
me and my strings are beat
by ****** and needless needles’
stitches and ventures heedless
i’m piecing my torn fabric
it’s grown so thick
it’s a feat, recognition
when simple addition alters
fact into fabrication
like my elation
in inebriation
guards sorrow
from knocking at my door
knocks my guard down
and has me floored
it hits my inhibition too
and i’m home-free
no guilt signaling
and i pull singles
i switch with tickets
i use to ticket my skin
no appointment
nor disappointment
walking in walk-in clinics
and sketchy shops
flickering the light
it sheds on both
my faces. i can face them
only with this double vision
i watch mark
as his sketches mark me
like stretch marks,
remarkably
in hopes of realizing on the double
the vision i envision into reality
he lets me let him put his hands on me
seemingly steadily
and we feel as our arms stretch
he draws me in
fills me ink
and vibrant me pends
his vibrating steel
and sharp pens
as they liven
my limp existence
reincarnating me instantly
after sweet sleep
i wake bitter for some reason
feel dull but also sharp-ied
peeping the nonsense i let seep steeply
into my skin last night when i was peaking
now i can reminisce
on the pain of squirming
wallow over it instead, and
not the overflown gore of streams
and catastrophic waterfalls
that break through my largest *****'s walls
they leave what makes me, me,
with breakthroughs of which it can only dream
if only i can fall like the tears asleep
that crash and wave and overshadow my role
in turn leaving without desire
to turn over no stone
nor use any for stepping on
like the ones more close to normal
do coax
i do it all wrong
like they did me
i walk on coal
though from here
it appears
as though i'm an anomaly
only my sole seethes
when on the rocks
my walker, he makes me so strong
he lets me drink him from dusk to dawn
he says he’d **** for me from here on
i love how foreign i am to him like heron
not the bird though it’s true
us three often see hues blue
we soar blue skies when our hearts fume blue
and they feel too sore like brews do
when they're too soft to heal each bruise or
make room for pain to grow and strength to bloom
so i walk on water as walker
kills me
he’s to die for
imploring in notes low
that i not stop, so i hop on
and once it’s well thought over
he can tell
overthinking’s my problem
i stand alone in the corner,
my core knows
all my o’s and woes
can be all gone
once one o centerfolds corner
and in comes the
coroner
who walks and rear-ends me
and e-r lose hope and leave me
when he cores me from his soul
and i let my breath roam
but he sends me
soaring over the moon
soon as he shows how he listens
and soon we both know
blinding luminescence
my eyes when they glisten
make all my mourning go missing
like the overthinking overkill
i hit when morning rays missile
and he curtails them at curtains
blacker than the blacklist
my man drenched
my nemesis in
deep sleep
with the fishes
eventually, however
again and against my will, i endeavor
on reading the biography i penned
block my own writing
and let writers block lock me in
i get stuck on the same page
thought no force impedes
the power i home in my palms
nor my thumb's ability to thumb
through the page
yet i somehow flip it
and become my own victim
i did it.
it tells the history of tears
now extinct due to me overbearing
leading to drainage that came as
the very last bead beat me
for forbidding fibs
and calling dibs on *******
still, ringing in my ears
leaks empathy
for crocodile tears
trickling
as they salivate
over their next meal,
me
i swallow my tongue
not realizing fully
i’d just had my last meal
because they consumed me
quietly
with quibbles
and plots of consuming me
openly
ignorance is less so whats lacks
and with no inkling of doubt
worse in terms of that
which the mind keeps
then refuses to release
when need be
hence: me
after i head over
obvious traps
i let flash
atop my head
like clouds overcast
i’m convinced i tripped
on my own heels
like thunder that strikes
one man down twice
out of spite
but in spite
of everything, now that i know,
my eyes and i are drained no more
see, we’ve ever since grown more so
and metamorphosed
beyond words morbid
like those i anticipate
my gravestone
will go on
to hold
this is the reality of being kept cold-cut as meat
that heads *******, idiots, dunces, cons, and so on
those who bring forth obstacles that spurt in growth
inch by inch quicker than their thickening skulls
each time
the sage i pick thinks
my life needs spicing up, either
my screams of agony are mistaken
and my inseams nipped at the bud
or my spirits appear uplifted
and mistaken are my sorrow-filled tears
with joy-plagued wails,
each time
deep-seated sage seeds **** my green
lord knows that while i understand—to some degree
the world can’t come close or know what brews
in the disorganized chaos that is me intrinsically
i don’t fib when i allege that my angle isn’t deceit
nor right, necessarily
just dense as these
basins, wrinkles and dents
my tense cortex insists on heaving
it would be obtuse of me
to anticipate that anybody
would watch my back
if not mine and me
it's all only a tactic
and i may feign obliviousness
to support this spinelessness
and keep it all in tact
insects fester
i feel each tentacle
extend incessantly
like these rants
they all ax my lumbar
no one's barred from my club
lumberjacks and jack’s slumber
i only lust after the latter
and jack's not all bad
he’s why my caps rested
soon as he hands it to me,
expressing the extent to which
i impress him
granted
my hands-off approach
that manages
to get hard jobs done
better than jills before
he’s a mild nuisance
when one of us isn’t speaking
but he promotes my irritability
with his attempts at weaving
our fingers together
it offends me
and all i long for
is knocking him out
like him and my neck's heart
or my kneecaps’ kneepads
the cap that’s my hat
can at last roll fast,
though no one should ask
i can’t say if i’m ok
jack ko’d my voice box
and i feel highjacked
but i insist, they insist
on the charm of the third
one i get him
like the lights, off,
that’s when i go on to hop off
tip toe off his tip top to get off
on the silence my mind writes off
none of it matters to me
mankind ramps up my love for luxury
the ivory warmth Mr. Browns rain
all over my cold windshield
puts me where i love to be
without them,
antidepressants
would depress and hail on
but their chocolate depressants
elevate me and i hail mary
when they hail hope on me
and i'm newly merry
when it’s all over,
i seek refuge and rush down
and on to the one and only John
where rest can be found
he’s bold as kohl and cold
as his marble floors call for
it's he who keeps my thoughts snowed in
and spares my teeth cracks no dentures can fix
suppresses my urge to purge like Snowden honing in
on how not one man cares less for one careless node in
systems nor the cancerous danger of no protests nor dents
it’s tasteless, the rice that is humanity
so i dine solitarily
in solemn grief
seeing the uselessness we
as crumbs and morsels have come to be
individuals in division
invincible in coalescence
bound to form solid solidarity
likely as the moment
satan and saint agree
to raise their satin
black and white flags,
respectively
to enwrap
two into
one
fabric. silky, smooth, seamless
as is the cocoon
i once was foolish enough to assume
would secure the very same wholesome skin
it would later go on
to help me consume.
cannibalism.
