Sometimes i think i am incapable of caring about anyone. Like, all that i am, is constructed of guilt and emotions i never wished to be mine in the first place.

There will never be a part of me i would offer up to be handled, because every limb, every *****, every slab of flesh worth holding, has been grabbed too hard and forced into positions that paralyzed me.

When i think of hands, i think of HIS hands and how they took, seized my fatless chest; like if he pulled hard enough and if he pinched to the point of blood, it would resemble the gutting of a fish and I would be pliant in his hold.

Hands don’t feel the same anymore, they don’t look the same. ‘Cause when I think of hands, i think of the print that was left behind and how it dyed parts of me a shade pink i had never before seen. I think of how i couldn’t breathe because of it, too scared to leave my room for days, and when I finally did, i tiptoed around him like i was on thin ice and he was the cold water underneath it.

I slept two hours last night, i’m okay with it. I was too scared to close my eyes, convinced that time would pass by without me in it. Woke up, didn’t brush my hair, just tied it back; ratted up knot things clinging to over-stretched hair ties.

And I can’t tell anymore, if these words are just emotions i’m trying to toss out so i wouldn’t have to feel them anymore, or if they are perhaps freed things - open to the page to understand myself better.
How will I ever know?

JANUARY, THE TIME OF YEARS OF ASH, BASH THE BALL, AND NET COURTS






YA SEE EVERY TIME JANUARY COMES,, WE GET MIXED MESSAGES

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE BASHING PEOPLE UP

AND THERE IS ALWAYS A LOT OF ASH WHERE BUSHFIRES MUST BE

YA SEE BUSHFIRES ARE ALWAYS IN JANUARY, BECAUSE IT’S SO ****** **** HOT

AND THE CRICKET, WELL THE AUSSIES ARE WINNING

AND INDIA, ARE DEFINATELY NOT

YA SEE MEN HAVE THEIR BEERS IN THE ESKY, OH ****** BETCHA DO

AND LLEYTON HEWIT LOST YESTERDAY, BOO HOO BOO HOO BOO HOO

I DID A RAIN DANCE, WHICH BROUGHT A THUNDERSTORM TO ADELAIDE

I HOPE, A LOT OF YOU DUDES, THINK OF HOLDING COOL STUFF

TO RAISE THE AMOUNT OF MONEY NEEDED

YA SEE, I AM WILLING TO ATTEND ANY EVENT NEAR ME, AND GIVE DONATIONS

OH YEAH, THAT IS SO COOL

YOU SEE, DUDES, I WAS YOUR SAVIOUR, CRONUS DID IT AGAIN

FORCED, THE FIRE TO GET UNDER CONTROL

THANKS FOR MY LITTLE RAIN DANCE


UMMMMMMMM IT WILL RAIN UMMMMMM IT DID RAIN, UMMMMMM I AM GLAD MY COSMOS OPLAN WORKED

UMMMMMMM THEY NEED $13,000,000, PLEASE DONATE UMMMMMM PLEASE DONATE

OR HOLD VARIOUS SOCIAL GATHERINGS IN YOUR AREA, PLEASE GIVE GENENEROUSLY

I HELPED A POOR MAN WHO WAS SLEEPING ON THE CEMENT IN THE CANBERRA CBD

ASND HE WAS ASLEEP, SO I THREW $2 HIS WAY, FOR A DRINK OR FRUIT OR WHATEVER HE WANTED

I WANT TO BUILD A HOMELESS HOTEL, I CAN’T HELP IT, I FEEL SORRY FOR PEOPLE LIKE HIM

I GIVE MONEY, WHEN I CAN I STRESS WHEN I CAN, TO POOR PEOPLE

SO THEY CAN HAVE A LIFE TOO, BUT I STRESS, WHEN I CAN, I DON’T WANT TO BE AN EAST TARGET

WE ALWAYS HAVE BUSH FIRES IN JANURAY, I AM GLAD I DID THAT RAIN DANCE TO HELP

NOW, I KNOW, THERE MIGHT BE TROUBLES, BUT MY MATE STEVE SAID TO ME, **** HAPPENS

I MEAN THIS IN THE NICEST POSSIBLE WAY

I AM CRONUS, BUT I AM HUMAN, I CAN’T SAVE EVERYONE RELIGIOUSLY, BUT YA CAN ****** WELL TRY

CAUSE HELPING PEOPLE, HELPS THE FUTURE GET BRIGHT, YOU HAVE TO WEAR SHADES

I STUDIED MESSIAH SCIENCE, AND I LIKED THOSE CLASSES

I WAS A BIG FAT MAN WHO WORE GLASSES

WE WATCHED NEWS, BUT ONLY WIN

AND STAND UP COMEDY, AND BECKER AND FOOTY AND HEAPS OF OTHER COOL THINGS

HE TAUGHT ME A LOT ABOUT BEING TREATED LIKE A PERSON

AND I COOKED DINNER, LIKE A PERSON

YA SEE I STUDIED MESSIAH SCIENCE, I LOVED THOSE CLASSES

I KNOW FROM THAT, I LEARNT HOW TO REALLY HELP THE POOR, AND UNDERSTAND

THEY NEED MORE C ARE, OH DEARY ME, WHAT AN ACTORS LIFE FOR ME

I WILL BRING THE NEW YEAR TIGER INTO TELEVISION

HE’S ON AAA YOUTUBE TV AND AARON CLAYTON

YEAH. AUSTRALIA LOOKS SET TO WIN CRICKET, TENNIS IS NOT AS PROMISING FOR THE AUSSIES

AND I DID A BUDDHIST RAIN DANCE, TO CALM THE SA BUSHFIRES

I AM RADICALLY AWESOME, DUDES