i held way more love than he could ever
accept
embrace
live with, eat with,
sleep with
i held way more oceans in my chest
than he could ever swim trough.
really, i think i did love him
but often forgot my love is poisonous,
like acid
slowly burning holes and scars on the bare skin, melting away everything beautiful to the root
if you are not strong enough
for a hurricane,
cemetery of old wounds,
bundle of fears,
woman,
like me.

i say forgive me,
for i am only loving the same way my mother does
her words cutting like knifes
her love intensily and always too deeply.

we lay in bed that night as i share my dreams with him,
i count 217 stars and 94 new beginnings
before i pour out my soul
he looks at me like he does not understand
he looks at me like i am not a person
he talks to me like he is a helpless
bird of prey
asks me if i can shrink myself to the height
of his knees
and the size of zero
he is a whirlwind of all things i love and hate
and love.

i ask him
my dear, did you forgot?
not nearly a week ago you tried to split my head in half because there was too much of me.
haven't i warned you for the craters, cannonballs, swallowed cities
buried inside of me?
for the splinters at the end of my fingertips when i come closer and touch you?
my words; little explosions
building a home in my sweet mouth,
a danger behind each teeth
blackness hiding underneath
each breast
the raging storm that goes under the name of my love

he shakes his head, tries to shut me up
asks me how long i will be
setting houses on fire with that mouth
later on even hows me his fists.
i tell him if he like his women mouthless
he should've sewed my face.

it's in the morning when he leaves.