(Explicit)
I couldn't tell you what it was...
Or what caused it...
I honestly hadn't thought about you much...
It was a first but it came in plenty.
It was like I forgot about you...
Even if only...
Briefly...
My theory is...
Yes, of course I have one...
In the wake of,
a recent devastation..
I was..
Quite vulnerable..
Teetering on hopelessness...
It was in the midst of all this,
That My,
Boss,
My Employer,
&
Friend,
Starts confiding in me for marital advice....
Seems harmless right??
I mean really...
Why the **** did I even care?
Why would these harmless insignificant things bring back so many memories.
I remember going home that evening...
Drinking wine on my little black sofa...
Looking out my window, as the rain began to sound against my window pane..
It was then, that I realized..
Something started stirring in me
...
I was missing you...
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why do familiar situations, have that pile of **** way of digging things up...
You've already buried ten feet deep?
I'm angry...
I'm ******* at myself!
I don't want to miss a man who doesn't miss me.
Whose not thinking about me.
I don't want to feel the icy sting in my heart knowing he never loved me.
How he got away Scott free.
Without pain or agony...
I don't want there to be some piece of you I always love or a special place in my heart, where you'll always stay...
Because you don't ******* deserve it.
You never deserved me...
You never indured...
The pain and agony...
You don't know what it feels like, to be suffering.
Having to go through what it feels like when, your heart gets even a whiff of something that's tied to your memory..
I hate that my heart still entertains this **** because I wanna be rid of everything that has your memory tied to it.
( I lost track of my journal entry number so this will just be journal Entry 1170 just sounds pretty.)
Sorry for the rant.
