Praeludium in via ...

Vidi heri mane quando ridebam coloribus egregiis,
Eradere auro , trans tabula caeli , tentorium ...
Excelsus super omnes montes mundi mole fratres
Nimborum desertum , ubi non sit humana exsuscitatur .
Et non vidi nobili altitudo futura ...
Bonitas terribilis Vidi , *** indomitus.
Et peregrinare in ea carne existimarem Semel tamen divina ,
Nunc datum est scire , et non confundamur ab eo opus .
Ambulavitque *** Deo, quod nunc facio , et passus est ... accentus
Proditio amor et passionibus , quamvis non recipiat ecclesia ,
Divinitatis naturam , ne occulta omnia confitentur ?
Audis tu solus in universo ab duces ineptum
Ipsos victu pascuntur finguntur mendacii .
Sed ambulavit in vobis, ex ea ipsa mundi redivivi ,
Proelia ante hos annos multos, in carne nostra, amissis vate sacro .
Nos sequi vestigia veterum monumentis, ut ostensum est ;
Quia ex nihilo nati sumus , et adhuc in filiis tuis, ac spatium vivendi ,
Latebunt , quo melius in manifesto , vultus ingenio tegmina.
Ego sum primus , et consilium ... Memini tamen alta urantur
Humanis uti licet , *** aliena michi negotium.
Lorem quid ad ignorantiam et extra ,
Quia vidisti me in tenebris, in ardentem rogum meum .
Si sustinuero , praeire , ubi angeli labuntur ...
Quis autem, si non satis est dedicata piget.
Irrisorie , quoniam ego scio quod salventur , et saepe etiam ,
Post tantum est **** , et sic esset forma in re firmatam ?
Imago Dei , huc ad nos omnes in sanguine ipsius ,
A primis ad ultima, ut alpha et omega, gladius acutus .

Prologus : ( Os meum labitur )

Puer fui servus ad aras tam sacras ,
Hymnis immaculatorum : et absque iniquitate .
Quod *** ipse portabat diadema thons nudus ...
Expositum Spiritus meus, qui intellexi gravitatem.
Quis credit sanctum profanae habitu virtutum
Et illi qui in eo sunt ut carnifices ovis ad occisionem ,
Innocentes cogit induere larvis ad porcellana et operuerunt capita sua ,
Et filii eorum diriperent pueritia , vinctus catenis rudis .
Sicut teenager : ambulans in naturis hominum omnium adprobante ,
Et egressus est a me omnes, qui violatores extiterunt in coinquinatione verebatur .
Angelo fidem reperto cecidi inveni sanctitati
Nomen meum in ea , et curet abluitur dubium inveni .
Venit ad nuptias, et omnes dedi uxorem proditione ,
In solutione huius coniunctionis nostrae et sine intervallo in solitudinem imposuit ?
Traiectus mortalis caro mea reliquit me solum in sanguinem ,
Cor ejus scissum est , absque omni cultu ex ordine funem .
Angelus autem meus et leniat iras mansit dolori
Mea lux, in vigiliis, in nigrum, quod est victa ,
Admonens quia carnis mortalitate ... maxime
Angelus vult me et tremor et durum accepimus.
Et ego factus sum quam ... traumas vitae ac lacrimis
Et dimisit , in specie quae sunt post , veluti a me plagas .
Nox deinde calor intensior saunas percipimus ...
Sicut est mihi in choro , relictum est , nisi ab illo esse extensum ,
Et invicem tradent , et mortalem , ut impunita essent, sed numquam mihi ...
Non tradent ; effundam spiritum meum , et non totum .
FYLACTERIUM creare ex omni me , et oculus innocens ...
Quod amari posco sum ​​ut carbo margarita alba et nigra ;

Section I : Sacrificium Doll

Part I : ( litus sanguinem )

Ne revoces me pupa enim priscis recesserunt cavernam
Sunt inanima appetant , non realis forma in utero ;
A puero bibere rubeam ore exploratores in vastissimam taberna ...
Dum nati psallens FARRATUS agros effusi .
Vadimus ad domum Dei , in plagis , in magna pecunia debetis ...
Hoc non est ad oras Nunc cruore manant strigitu rubra de memoria , polluetur .
Nulla est enim me primus ad ignitionem gloriae ...
Quando autem mens aeterna , in omnibus placentes, causabatur laetitiam .
In stellis ibi verba quae ego volo inauditum revocare,
Quia descendi ita pridem apud venire primum ?
Sollicitus purus fabrica MYSTICUS chaos genitus antiquorum
Mitti expectant limine signa magica.
Interdictum revertatur in carminibus meis , Licinius, ut audacia ,
Quia oblitus est mei fere est: nunc originem , ut tragici.
*** filii bibere, et se abscondunt nati seorsum
*** aquæ in sanguinem, et super triticum, et arefecit fœnum, et humida !
Signum quod venturum est mutare et laboro mentem.
Facies in luna ALLUCINOR in metu torquetur , horror ...
Dumque in fauces manu stare super pectus
Inter ordines diu frumentum umbra nigro ambula
Genus servo meo animas infantium .
Aestas flavescunt, Phoebe caelesti audent .
Mea sola mcestas lupus sonitum audiri potest ,
Et *** feris leo in pontumque moueri relinquere ...
A natura mihi dolet cupio concupivit paradisus reducat .
Vidi terram terror , ut sanguis in sinu
Ater sanguis in terra , quae facit viventia ululare ...
Sicut **** habet stultitia non dicam prava vel !

Part II : ( Crucifixo et Inferorum Animas Excitat)

Nam inertis est gemere pupa altari parato, in sacrificium,
In lapidem calcarium, et in cavernam, ubi sunt wettest fingit arcus !
Un - res sunt, sed etiam *** vivit in vulneribus animae , ut in glaciem ,
In horrore frigoris fictilem , ita *** pedibus non vocavit.
Serpentipedi mucrone subrecto , remittit praecise a pupa in collo ,
Et non potest dici , quia non habet pupa voce clamare.
Puer, et egressus est a tabernam , aspectus eorum quasi a naufragii vile ...
Ut curem hominem a superioribus agentibus , corpus totum mundum.
Infra in concavis locorum asperitate visa petram
Magna voces resonare in tenebras , et vocavit nomen tacuit.
Eripuit animam trahit nauta Multo gregis
Ubi aereum reddet unicuique antiquum signum desideratum .
Et venit ad bibendum aquas illas vitae malis mederi ...
Porcellana , et liberatus a vinculis mortis obscuris sentiat frigore ;
Animas in captivitate , unde nemo mortalium loqui
Sed statim liberavit remotis perforabit clavi ...
Omnis **** , qui dicitur Golgotha ​​, olim in cruce positus .
Omnis autem mulier quoque, ad quod omnes tales sunt tormento
Et facta est , dum consummaretur sacrificium insita primum sic infirma est,
Et intantum ut nisl tot annis perpessi .
Signati post fata diu Quod murus ignis in Terra ,
Stigmatibus ferre posset ita etiam multa futura!
Quod signum erat in manu mea, ut labatur pes meus, et dimittam ...
Tamen adhuc vetera perseverare illusionibus , et non possum excitare multos .
Ego, qui iam tantum conligati Lorem ferrum quid reale,
Factaque est infinita in dolo : Ego sum ​​, et desiderio erat pax.
Nam et ego quod negas , nisi aspera ac rudia mei liberatione ;
Angelus liberavit me , et nunc inter saevus sigillum frangere conantur .

Part III : ( The Return of lux)

Qui a mortuis Surrexit , frigidior , ubi de somno , ultrices in somnis , per
Et obliti sunt intelligentiae invocatum est super sancta miserunt innoxia verba ...
Et inde apud hominem , ut maneat MYSTICUS sequuntur revertamur ,
Ea aetate in inferno commemoratione praeteritorum.
Qui suscitavit eis manum meam , et pugionem eius lumen gloriae,
Relicta meae effercio fluere sanguis subito currere libero.
Ex profundo flamma surgit millennial amisso puella puer ,
Quæ est angeli redivivam sinit luce clarius ostendit .
Et omnis qui non occaecat oculos ad intima ;
Infideles , in momento temporis ponere in obprobrium .
*** stellae ab Diua sacrorum opera voluntatis
Dum coccineum limen transeat , lucem adfert .
Momento enim omnes in caelo et in terris sunt ,
Sicut dies longus tandem inclinatus ante noctem veniat .
In tenebris , claritas multo maiorem et perfectiorem descendit ,
Eorum, qui dum in nomine meo orbata est devium.
Sicut incensum in conspectu angelorum ira animos eorum , occlusum ...
Ferrum IRRETUS texturae talis effugere nequeunt carcerem
Nam quicquid occaecat vidit lucem et scindit
Nisi quia in templis revellens mortalibus irae.
Et , postquam ipsæ fuerint fornicatæ infidelium , ut uoles, petulans ,
Et factum est in excogitando dogma , quod de ratione immemor ?
Horrendum non fides sit , tamen ita fecisse ,
Ante finem exspectent praemia petunt .
*** enim , ut est in paradisum suscipit dereliquerunt ...
Imago autem libertatis quam servitutis et negotio.
Nimia tempus extractam converterat a gladio:
****, ut spectet ad salutem in lucem , caeca lumina sua .

Antiphon alpha :
Quia hoc est ut , barbaris quoque innocentiae gentilitium mendacium vendere ...
Numquid et vos vultis emere , aut aliquam nunc forsitan putas,
Ad sciendum neque rationi consentaneum neque aetate sapientes ...
Quod si non moverent malles *** saltare!
Pleni sunt somnia noctes ; Dies mei tantum ...
Ego ad bis et quem maxime diligebam , in purpura quoque , et aprico occasus .
Ego autem haec imago non ad tangere memoriam tot ,
Qui replet in sanguinem furoris me , et frigidam desiderio finis .
Et considerandum est quod *** in ultima desperatione rerum , in cuius manu mea, equo et pilos in ore gladii ,
Nam ni ita esset, nunquam tamen inde trans familia .
Sed abusus est , ut fuit, et quidem instar caedentes sepem
An ut reliquos omnes transcendunt omnia , amice!
Ego superfui , transfiguravi ascendi in fine est ,
Multo magis quam erat, non plus quam diruere animus .
Sed tamen , quia speravi in solitudinem , ut a somno exsuscitem ancillam meam in flamma ...
Ardet , o superi, ut arbitror , usque uror dissiliunt!
De caelo et magis obscurant vestris, et tridentes, et contritio ,
Audio furorem tympana caelo antiqui gigantes hiemes.
Dii irascantur et ecce valide erutas ,
Uvasque calcantes Angeli hominis Illi autem vinariis ageretur ...
Recordatus sum in omnibus navigantibus battleship galaxies ,
In die ortus nubes inter exaestuans, quod ' vaporem ...
Depopulari Sodomam et Gomorrham, ad contumelias !
Ibi eram: et *** impiis non perire denique gemitu.
Ut illuderet mihi : et populus , quia ego bonus sum male velle ,
A Deo est, quam diu tot mala ferre cogetur .
Ego autem non sum solus , quia multa in eo et detorqueri
Deus remittit, nam adhuc sed non est intellectus ;

Section II : Hostiam de Spider

Part I : ( Rident Primus )

Caelum non egerunt pœnitentiam super ulcus nigrum est furore , et in indignatione, et in iustitia :
Et factus sum caro , quamvis intellectus non mortale .
In antro loca , quæ transivi , et dæmonia multa discurrunt ,
Et locis minus adhuc amor in search of a provocare .
In quo autem in craticiis tectoria atria mea, et thronus fuit stabilis ...
Et super collem , ubi dolorum laborum animae perit labor in mundanis ,
Transcendi vincula et consilio fidelium expectabo laudatur.
Ignis et sulphur et, semper est dextera arderent super altare ?
Ridentem cogo faciem meam : non enim veni , ut velle,
Ut in hora *** iam iuvenem, *** proposito aureum ...
Quæ pro impenso super solidum, pretium quis ,
Qui autem non cognovit , quomodo cupiam sibi solvere ...
Furor solitudinis nascitur ira nascitur ex malitia,
Qui autem contemnunt me , quia sine causa Provocantes me .
Quid est **** , impunitatem , ne quis putaret se excusat ;
Quam sapere , *** culturis tuum: mergi , in balneis , in ardentem .
Loquor de inferno, qui est infidelis nescis ?
Neque enim suis oculis effossis clavorum ...
Loquor cruciatus qui daemonia fecerunt superat .
Primus erit mihi dolor meus *** omnis fera voluntas ut ratio ...
Ut qui me conspui caro quod ambulans ,
Nescis modo larva facies mea , abscondens se.
Attendit ad illa nihil nisi insipientis solis erratur in sonis cantus
Tantum numerus ratus e fratre soror .
Sed in caelestibus quae sine causa nata est incestus est alchemical ?
Habitat in me peccatum occultum compages sǽculo.
Sit mihi vim inter gentes auditus est ABSURDUS musica ...
Spiritus meus qui regit omne simile est genitus.

Part II ( vindicta aurum )

In hortos, in quibus cupiditas sanguis rosaria semina ,
I , in manu eorum , qui esurit Quorum sitit aquam surgit !
In quaerere dilectionis affectum bestiis pavi eget
Quid faciam ut pudeat , habet me non elit .
O **** , quo impune ausu palamque vociferari ,
Quod amor sit ex me credis , et me opus manuum tuarum ,
Ut timidus , et cucurrit ad me latere turba depravari ,
In simulata excellentiam tuam , et ipse te vile animal .
Coniunctio oris linguae quasi telam laqueari
Si fieri potest araneae ; et fugiet a turpis ut octo pedes nidum ...
Et *** jam non calidus humanitatis indignum ,
Cogitans te meliorem quam reliqui descendes !
Ut vitae pretium millies , tibimetipsi .
Creaturam factus sum nocte expectant te aranea heu !
Nolite putare quia ego audirem . utrumque stridens cruris ...
Odium ductor tuus , et equi ejus , et ascensorem ejus .
Et in vestra web Video vos, Quirites immune ungues acuti ,
Ad toxicus venenum , quod oculis non potes, nisi te , octo ...
Ex quo bases Caesios sine timore, et sic primum
Ut dolores tuos comedat vos accendentes ignem caelum ;
Detur paenitentiae venia , quae dicis omnia cogit , ne superare dolores ,
Qui tibi semper, quæ videtur , non est potentia ad non noceat .
Et ascendit ulterius sapere plus pavoris tui ...
Numquam puerile ludibrium ulla facta .
Omnis domus tua dissolutae horologiorum ad socium non est ?
In desertis chaos est gaudium, ut si quod habuerunt.
Surgit in novum ordinem , nemo potest negare chaos genitus locus ,
Dum descendes perdunt, muneribus laesae.

PARS III ( Ultimo Rident)

Et sic videtur quod Angelus se et ante deam
Angelus autem nominis vocare aliquis tenuerit formarum.
Et qui in illis est , maiora sunt, ego saepe ad extraneas ,
Fingunt enim se perfectum , ignorant eorum saevitum ,
Num amor crustacea tam veteri quam in praedam , et mendicum ,
Quod minus quam tuum est , quam sumpsi eaque cibum ...
Est autem tarn coquina sicut clibanus tua vadit et ora
Ipse, ipse est extra te praemium virtutis tuae chores ,
Sicut enim res suo cuidam negotium , qui meretricem ... Lorem ipsum leve,
Putas praemium amaret , et mendicum , falli te .
Quid autem vocatis me alienum **** ... amor est malum , et hoc pudet,
Et similiter anima atque animus , quibus tandem corpus infirmare.
Vides tantum larva ... sub aspectu nisurum
Larva ut me in tenebris tenebris latet .
Circa collum tuum habebis , ut falsae aestimationis pendet a mortuis, et corona ,
Quia sterilis tibi relinquo mundum , Intenta ancillæ.
Consurgitur in excitate de reliquis abire tibi , qui sunt cognati mei
De manibus eorum procul offendant pedes vestri ?
Qui manet in coemeterio quasi mortui
Non tollere incorruptione Nimis tibi dubium .
Hue tacito lachrymis virgines flere ...
Ad mea, et robur , in quo praeda, gregibus rursum super vias hominum ,
Ad eos qui non ineptis metus mutetur ,
Aureus transmutare non magis quam plumbea nocte dies ;
Quod verum est de fine , qui scit ... Alchemist
Magistra rerum artes a me in profundum.
Ágite , quod sum aggressus creatura placet mutare ...
Ut res sunt nostrae demiurgorum lasciva oscula enim calidius ?

Omega Antiphon :
Non est autem in Utopia , non videtur quod ...
Donec ut nosmet ipsos cognoscimus prima quaerimus imaginem .
*** et in sacrificio sui ipsius , a volunt reddi obsequium ...
Qui ad reformandam et divina se , *** Leo renata agnus mitis !
Sicut in Christo, ex parte in qua invocatum est cicatrix, et vulneratus est ...
Sed simplex conversio ad dissimilis vultus nolui .
Memini dolore meo, ut acer et vehemens ...
Donee tantum possum emissus dolor servare sensu caret.
Quomodo potest aedificare paradisum non est, nisi in se mutant ;
Mutare ante mutatum esse non est in medio ; quae est in via .
Qua ad paradisum , et oportet eam, et non deficiunt,
Ne ad caelum, nisi quam nos aedificare illud infernum iniustitiis nos .
Utopia , non ruunt ad genus humanum, nisi a te, tu es qui habitavit ?
Nisi quod est extra omne malum quod in se corrumpunt ,
Manifestum enim est , nisi malum, quod mundatam ab omnibus malis moribus.
Tunc malitia faciatis abstulit senex super pluteo tom .
An non intellegat , quid est salvator ...
*** diceret quod non omne quod simplices filii ingredi
Regnum caelorum , et inde ad delectationem pertinere ...
Et quomodo potes perfrui , si tibi placet , cauillando crudelis ?
*** aurora tempore domini nituntur hominum planeta ...
Numquam imaginandi praecipiet ut discat primum voluntatis.
Non armorum vi , nec inutile mandatum ...
Sed *** modestia , et misericordia ; ergo qui ad cor suum in satietatem,
Gáudii innumerabiles et celebrationibus quae causa ?
Sed animus intendatur dolores peccatum lacus.
Ubi plausus rotundum vt quilibet sensus ?
Modernitatem iocabitur ullum definitum ornare.

Section III : sacrificium sui

Part I : ( hortos perditio )

A ziggurat sublatus est , arenosa in calidum lateres , quos coquetis in igne ...
Septem fabulae in caelum, sicut turris Babel ,
Quod in solitudinem, et in

Muse of my native land! loftiest Muse!
O first-born on the mountains! by the hues
Of heaven on the spiritual air begot:
Long didst thou sit alone in northern grot,
While yet our England was a wolfish den;
Before our forests heard the talk of men;
Before the first of Druids was a child;--
Long didst thou sit amid our regions wild
Rapt in a deep prophetic solitude.
There came an eastern voice of solemn mood:--
Yet wast thou patient. Then sang forth the Nine,
Apollo's garland:--yet didst thou divine
Such home-bred glory, that they cry'd in vain,
"Come hither, Sister of the Island!" Plain
Spake fair Ausonia; and once more she spake
A higher summons:--still didst thou betake
Thee to thy native hopes. O thou hast won
A full accomplishment! The thing is done,
Which undone, these our latter days had risen
On barren souls. Great Muse, thou know'st what prison
Of flesh and bone, curbs, and confines, and frets
Our spirit's wings: despondency besets
Our pillows; and the fresh to-morrow morn
Seems to give forth its light in very scorn
Of our dull, uninspired, snail-paced lives.
Long have I said, how happy he who shrives
To thee! But then I thought on poets gone,
And could not pray:--nor can I now--so on
I move to the end in lowliness of heart.----

  "Ah, woe is me! that I should fondly part
From my dear native land! Ah, foolish maid!
Glad was the hour, when, with thee, myriads bade
Adieu to Ganges and their pleasant fields!
To one so friendless the clear freshet yields
A bitter coolness, the ripe grape is sour:
Yet I would have, great gods! but one short hour
Of native air--let me but die at home."

  Endymion to heaven's airy dome
Was offering up a hecatomb of vows,
When these words reach'd him. Whereupon he bows
His head through thorny-green entanglement
Of underwood, and to the sound is bent,
Anxious as hind towards her hidden fawn.

  "Is no one near to help me? No fair dawn
Of life from charitable voice? No sweet saying
To set my dull and sadden'd spirit playing?
No hand to toy with mine? No lips so sweet
That I may worship them? No eyelids meet
To twinkle on my *****? No one dies
Before me, till from these enslaving eyes
Redemption sparkles!--I am sad and lost."

  Thou, Carian lord, hadst better have been tost
Into a whirlpool. Vanish into air,
Warm mountaineer! for canst thou only bear
A woman's sigh alone and in distress?
See not her charms! Is Phoebe passionless?
Phoebe is fairer far--O gaze no more:--
Yet if thou wilt behold all beauty's store,
Behold her panting in the forest grass!
Do not those curls of glossy jet surpass
For tenderness the arms so idly lain
Amongst them? Feelest not a kindred pain,
To see such lovely eyes in swimming search
After some warm delight, that seems to perch
Dovelike in the dim cell lying beyond
Their upper lids?--Hist!             "O for Hermes' wand
To touch this flower into human shape!
That woodland Hyacinthus could escape
From his green prison, and here kneeling down
Call me his queen, his second life's fair crown!
Ah me, how I could love!--My soul doth melt
For the unhappy youth--Love! I have felt
So faint a kindness, such a meek surrender
To what my own full thoughts had made too tender,
That but for tears my life had fled away!--
Ye deaf and senseless minutes of the day,
And thou, old forest, hold ye this for true,
There is no lightning, no authentic dew
But in the eye of love: there's not a sound,
Melodious howsoever, can confound
The heavens and earth in one to such a death
As doth the voice of love: there's not a breath
Will mingle kindly with the meadow air,
Till it has panted round, and stolen a share
Of passion from the heart!"--

                              Upon a bough
He leant, wretched. He surely cannot now
Thirst for another love: O impious,
That he can even dream upon it thus!--
Thought he, "Why am I not as are the dead,
Since to a woe like this I have been led
Through the dark earth, and through the wondrous sea?
Goddess! I love thee not the less: from thee
By Juno's smile I turn not--no, no, no--
While the great waters are at ebb and flow.--
I have a triple soul! O fond pretence--
For both, for both my love is so immense,
I feel my heart is cut in twain for them."

  And so he groan'd, as one by beauty slain.
The lady's heart beat quick, and he could see
Her gentle ***** heave tumultuously.
He sprang from his green covert: there she lay,
Sweet as a muskrose upon new-made hay;
With all her limbs on tremble, and her eyes
Shut softly up alive. To speak he tries.
"Fair damsel, pity me! forgive that I
Thus violate thy bower's sanctity!
O pardon me, for I am full of grief--
Grief born of thee, young angel! fairest thief!
Who stolen hast away the wings wherewith
I was to top the heavens. Dear maid, sith
Thou art my executioner, and I feel
Loving and hatred, misery and weal,
Will in a few short hours be nothing to me,
And all my story that much passion slew me;
Do smile upon the evening of my days:
And, for my tortur'd brain begins to craze,
Be thou my nurse; and let me understand
How dying I shall kiss that lily hand.--
Dost weep for me? Then should I be content.
Scowl on, ye fates! until the firmament
Outblackens Erebus, and the full-cavern'd earth
Crumbles into itself. By the cloud girth
Of Jove, those tears have given me a thirst
To meet oblivion."--As her heart would burst
The maiden sobb'd awhile, and then replied:
"Why must such desolation betide
As that thou speakest of? Are not these green nooks
Empty of all misfortune? Do the brooks
Utter a gorgon voice? Does yonder thrush,
Schooling its half-fledg'd little ones to brush
About the dewy forest, whisper tales?--
Speak not of grief, young stranger, or cold snails
Will slime the rose to night. Though if thou wilt,
Methinks 'twould be a guilt--a very guilt--
Not to companion thee, and sigh away
The light--the dusk--the dark--till break of day!"
"Dear lady," said Endymion, "'tis past:
I love thee! and my days can never last.
That I may pass in patience still speak:
Let me have music dying, and I seek
No more delight--I bid adieu to all.
Didst thou not after other climates call,
And murmur about Indian streams?"--Then she,
Sitting beneath the midmost forest tree,
For pity sang this roundelay------

          "O Sorrow,
          Why dost borrow
The natural hue of health, from vermeil lips?--
          To give maiden blushes
          To the white rose bushes?
Or is it thy dewy hand the daisy tips?

          "O Sorrow,
          Why dost borrow
The lustrous passion from a falcon-eye?--
          To give the glow-worm light?
          Or, on a moonless night,
To tinge, on syren shores, the salt sea-spry?

          "O Sorrow,
          Why dost borrow
The mellow ditties from a mourning tongue?--
          To give at evening pale
          Unto the nightingale,
That thou mayst listen the cold dews among?

          "O Sorrow,
          Why dost borrow
Heart's lightness from the merriment of May?--
          A lover would not tread
          A cowslip on the head,
Though he should dance from eve till peep of day--
          Nor any drooping flower
          Held sacred for thy bower,
Wherever he may sport himself and play.

          "To Sorrow
          I bade good-morrow,
And thought to leave her far away behind;
          But cheerly, cheerly,
          She loves me dearly;
She is so constant to me, and so kind:
          I would deceive her
          And so leave her,
But ah! she is so constant and so kind.

"Beneath my palm trees, by the river side,
I sat a weeping: in the whole world wide
There was no one to ask me why I wept,--
          And so I kept
Brimming the water-lily cups with tears
          Cold as my fears.

"Beneath my palm trees, by the river side,
I sat a weeping: what enamour'd bride,
Cheated by shadowy wooer from the clouds,
        But hides and shrouds
Beneath dark palm trees by a river side?

"And as I sat, over the light blue hills
There came a noise of revellers: the rills
Into the wide stream came of purple hue--
        'Twas Bacchus and his crew!
The earnest trumpet spake, and silver thrills
From kissing cymbals made a merry din--
        'Twas Bacchus and his kin!
Like to a moving vintage down they came,
Crown'd with green leaves, and faces all on flame;
All madly dancing through the pleasant valley,
        To scare thee, Melancholy!
O then, O then, thou wast a simple name!
And I forgot thee, as the berried holly
By shepherds is forgotten, when, in June,
Tall chesnuts keep away the sun and moon:--
        I rush'd into the folly!

"Within his car, aloft, young Bacchus stood,
Trifling his ivy-dart, in dancing mood,
        With sidelong laughing;
And little rills of crimson wine imbrued
His plump white arms, and shoulders, enough white
        For Venus' pearly bite;
And near him rode Silenus on his ***,
Pelted with flowers as he on did pass
        Tipsily quaffing.

"Whence came ye, merry Damsels! whence came ye!
So many, and so many, and such glee?
Why have ye left your bowers desolate,
        Your lutes, and gentler fate?--
‘We follow Bacchus! Bacchus on the wing?
        A conquering!
Bacchus, young Bacchus! good or ill betide,
We dance before him thorough kingdoms wide:--
Come hither, lady fair, and joined be
        To our wild minstrelsy!'

"Whence came ye, jolly Satyrs! whence came ye!
So many, and so many, and such glee?
Why have ye left your forest haunts, why left
        Your nuts in oak-tree cleft?--
‘For wine, for wine we left our kernel tree;
For wine we left our heath, and yellow brooms,
        And cold mushrooms;
For wine we follow Bacchus through the earth;
Great God of breathless cups and chirping mirth!--
Come hither, lady fair, and joined be
To our mad minstrelsy!'

"Over wide streams and mountains great we went,
And, save when Bacchus kept his ivy tent,
Onward the tiger and the leopard pants,
        With Asian elephants:
Onward these myriads--with song and dance,
With zebras striped, and sleek Arabians' prance,
Web-footed alligators, crocodiles,
Bearing upon their scaly backs, in files,
Plump infant laughers mimicking the coil
Of ******, and stout galley-rowers' toil:
With toying oars and silken sails they glide,
        Nor care for wind and tide.

"Mounted on panthers' furs and lions' manes,
From rear to van they scour about the plains;
A three days' journey in a moment done:
And always, at the rising of the sun,
About the wilds they hunt with spear and horn,
        On spleenful unicorn.

"I saw Osirian Egypt kneel adown
        Before the vine-wreath crown!
I saw parch'd Abyssinia rouse and sing
        To the silver cymbals' ring!
I saw the whelming vintage hotly pierce
        Old Tartary the fierce!
The kings of Inde their jewel-sceptres vail,
And from their treasures scatter pearled hail;
Great Brahma from his mystic heaven groans,
        And all his priesthood moans;
Before young Bacchus' eye-wink turning pale.--
Into these regions came I following him,
Sick hearted, weary--so I took a whim
To stray away into these forests drear
        Alone, without a peer:
And I have told thee all thou mayest hear.

          "Young stranger!
          I've been a ranger
In search of pleasure throughout every clime:
          Alas! 'tis not for me!
          Bewitch'd I sure must be,
To lose in grieving all my maiden prime.

          "Come then, Sorrow!
          Sweetest Sorrow!
Like an own babe I nurse thee on my breast:
          I thought to leave thee
          And deceive thee,
But now of all the world I love thee best.

          "There is not one,
          No, no, not one
But thee to comfort a poor lonely maid;
          Thou art her mother,
          And her brother,
Her playmate, and her wooer in the shade."

  O what a sigh she gave in finishing,
And look, quite dead to every worldly thing!
Endymion could not speak, but gazed on her;
And listened to the wind that now did stir
About the crisped oaks full drearily,
Yet with as sweet a softness as might be
Remember'd from its velvet summer song.
At last he said: "Poor lady, how thus long
Have I been able to endure that voice?
Fair Melody! kind Syren! I've no choice;
I must be thy sad servant evermore:
I cannot choose but kneel here and adore.
Alas, I must not think--by Phoebe, no!
Let me not think, soft Angel! shall it be so?
Say, beautifullest, shall I never think?
O thou could'st foster me beyond the brink
Of recollection! make my watchful care
Close up its bloodshot eyes, nor see despair!
Do gently ****** half my soul, and I
Shall feel the other half so utterly!--
I'm giddy at that cheek so fair and smooth;
O let it blush so ever! let it soothe
My madness! let it mantle rosy-warm
With the tinge of love, panting in safe alarm.--
This cannot be thy hand, and yet it is;
And this is sure thine other softling--this
Thine own fair *****, and I am so near!
Wilt fall asleep? O let me sip that tear!
And whisper one sweet word that I may know
This is this world--sweet dewy blossom!"--Woe!
Woe! Woe to that Endymion! Where is he?--
Even these words went echoing dismally
Through the wide forest--a most fearful tone,
Like one repenting in his latest moan;
And while it died away a shade pass'd by,
As of a thunder cloud. When arrows fly
Through the thick branches, poor ring-doves sleek forth
Their timid necks and tremble; so these both
Leant to each other trembling, and sat so
Waiting for some destruction--when lo,
Foot-fe

They found a dead body in Bayou D’Inde
Said he washed up on Thursday afternoon
That February water was real real cold
When old man drowned
I ‘member hearin’ bout that dead body at school
Same as when they found a lady’s head in Cameron Parish
Reminds me when I found an old ice chest by the pond
Full of dead *****
Nobody notices **** anymore
The world ain’t watchin’
It’s too busy texting and driving on the bridge
To care if anyone jumps

precursor - title correlation
body -

mind of:

C                oh

    oh                      Ri

n'ah.   (half an hour fiddling with a 502 bad
gateway; traffic these days! jeez!)

I.

it don't know what's more frustrating for the reasons that it's so good... i can't choose... it's a close call... either listening to Red Hot Chilli Peppers' B-sides from By The Way... ugh! why didn't they release that as a double album! Stadium Arcadium was not that good as a double-album... all the prior albums are MAGIC... literally... for ****'s sake: GOLDMINE is literally just that... there's that... i can't concentrate on making my own translation of Ovid... i'm yet to scribble down the translation i have... i can't even drink my whiskey properly... the other frustrating focus? watching Armand Duplantis break his own world record of 6.21metres... the ****** has still at least 10cm in him! a record that will have to stand-still for the next 20+ years... i'll be dead before this record is broken... Сергій Бубка best be sleeping... i'm listening to the music, reliving the end of the World Athletics and trying to heel-myself-in-the-buttocks: better get a move on boy... hmm! "trying"... i'm actually heeling myself in the buttocks: no time to wait... one can wait for a bus... one cannot for one's own incentive... ol' Lizzy is coming up the mountain... she's coming with the proper closure of the 20th century... however many popes she outlived... however many prime ministers and american presidents... come on Lizzie... just one more year... i'm actually dying to spend money with whittle Charlie printed on the notes... my fingers are itching... but **** me... music so good By The Way should have been a double-album... no! Stadium Arcadium was not the salvagable double-album worth session... i'm getting "schizophrenic" vibes... i know that poetry is not an entertaining medium: it's a complacent self-congratulatory, thereupeutic load of *******... it's obnixious when staged: the exasperated art of speaking with speed... today i realised that i much prefer drinking to having ***... i like the preservation of my brain with a hard-on of itchy fingers than any actual ******* hard-ons... the knife opening oysters or plucking out the eyes of deer... best the eyes be gauged out... than having deer stare into car lights... hybrid confusions of static, motivated to move... frozen in a make-shift imitation of root and clay and copper: bam! one more statue down...

II.

it's no wonder why i'm not looking for a girlfriend, it's no longer bewildering why i'm not looking for a wife, at best i'm looking out for that ancient custom of Roman emperors: to become a foster father, a surrogate - i'm yet to find a match-up... i almost did, but she undermined my chances by undermining her own seriousness in such affairs... but clarity does come... as much as i might be a surrogate father to her son or daughter: i wouldn't be faithful to her... i would steal the night and run away into a brothel... but there's something else... the whole dynamic of publishing has changed... the whole idea of a library has also changed... i own more valuable books in my private collection than the public library of Romford... which is me peering at the dire straits of what the public is fed... i know why i don't aspire for pair-bonding... perhaps man so levelled aspired toward the imitation of birds a long time ago... perhaps swans are truly noble creatures: for one hears of widow and widower swans... perhaps parrots: born from those monstrous beasts that were the dinosaurs can imitate our talk... all that's this reality within the confines of "perhaps": nonetheless, it's all true... but perhaps being the mammal that i am... i moved from a community of chimpanzees into a solo-ride of imitation-bear... perhaps i only entertain the opposite *** on the encounter of ***... i couldn't land a conversation with a woman outside the constrictive-framework of work, so much so: i would abhor the mindset of men that go on dates with women: buy them food and then EXPECT... i leave that ******* out in my interactions... pay-up-front for what you're about to receive otherwise don't play cat while the woman plays mouse... or rather... a rat in cat's clothing: the woman therefore becoming a rat-trap... mind you: i can't think of a more terrible idea than the modern version of: eat first, **** later... at the old ****** proverb states: a hungry ****** is angry... a filled ****** is lazy... god forbid i ever become tempted by those dating sites... i'm currently looking for the original Latin text of Ovid's the Amores book 2 poem 6... why? what i have in my hand... and what i'm finding... it's like what Robert Pinsky remarked about once: TRANSLATIONS differ so much from one translator to another...

they have done it... UEFA are mad... just to get my
accreditation for the women's Euros final
at Wembley they're asking me to bring my passport
with me... so is Wembley the JFK of Florida
          space-shuttle launch? Houston? am i leaving
the country?
                but the girls have done it...
funny: some other people are still complaining:
IT'S TOO WHITE!
   there's not enough diversity in the team...
          that's me also planning to go and live
in Kenya and become a model for toilet paper...
i'm sure i could replace that known Koala bear /
golden retriever or perhaps i could go there
and model for soap adverts...
it just so happened that racial tensions (only football
could create them) rose up for a little:
just one night the day England lost to Italy
on penalty shootouts... because... 3 black guys
were playing a rigged roulette...
            then again? me? and the African heat?
fat chance...

find me the original Elegy VI: the death of Corinna's
pet parrot...
oh man... and her name was Polly...
i sat up late last night trying to find something
interest on the television...
bam! thank you ma'am...
                       kurt cobain: montage of heck...
sort of reminded me of...
                           a SCANNER DARKLY...
                           mind you: i sometimes do enjoy
a one-man show... or at least two...
there was this brilliant show in the West End...
Stones in his Pockets...
       two actors... sharing the roles of...
                  about 15 people each...
but it was back in circa 2001...
so... maybe it was Louis Dempsey
                                                        & Sean Sloan...
mind you... i'd still love to see Samuel Beckett's
             NOT I...

Jack Trades says: i'm about to a heap
of hay of hate...
                                i'm everywhere sometimes...
if it's not music, then its visual arts,
then it's philosophy, then fine literature...
then something "oriental" in thinking...
then its coupling my fetish for Deutsche as:
father to the English zunge...
then it's back east to rummage in some Katakana...

i know why i'm single, Roger Moore remained
a bachelor until his death...
  courteous: as ever as forever always...
i'd be a terrible match-up... i've given pair-bonding
a chance: i can't bemoan why X is not Y...
the sort of men that pair-bond are claustrophilic...
they love the company of a mate...
each time i was ever in a "relationship" i already
had one foot dangling: tapping an imaginary
drum set...
recently i discovered the B-side of the Red Hot Chilli
Peppers... so for me it's a version
of keeping the 20th century alive with
the "dichotomy" of the Rolling Stones vs.
the Beatles... i'm more... R.H.C.P.'s A-sides
of R.H.C.P.'s B-sides?
                                        i'm busy...
                i'm always busy... i don't want to relax...
i want a Turkish barber to suggest that
i need  hot-towel and an arm massage after
my beard is trimmed and... i'm still going to state:
getting a Turk to trim my beard is a close
contender to oral *** from a Turkish *******...

but try finding me that original Latin of Ovid's...
ah! found it! let's see if i can compete with
my own translation... the one i originally read
and the one i found finding the original Latin
were so disparaging...

**** yes! well... there was Ted Hughes writing
about the Crow... poor ******...
should have killed himself: might have competed
with his terribly-wonderful wife of a poet...
i give her that: what noose?
best head in an oven...
and you want a shovel with that?
but this is Ovid... "complaining" about
the death of his lover's parrot...
immediately i jumped to conclusions:
not enough crackers...

(A) the Original:

Psittacus, Eois imitatrix ales ab Indis,
    occidit—exequias ite frequenter, aves!
ite, piae volucres, et plangite pectora pinnis
    et rigido teneras ungue notate genas;
horrida pro maestis lanietur pluma capillis,
    pro longa resonent carmina vestra tuba!
quod scelus Ismarii quereris, Philomela, tyranni,
    expleta est annis ista querela suis;
alitis in rarae miserum devertere funus—
    magna, sed antiqua est causa doloris Itys.
Omnes, quae liquido libratis in aere cursus,
    tu tamen ante alios, turtur amice, dole!
plena fuit vobis omni concordia vita,
    et stetit ad finem longa tenaxque fides.
quod fuit Argolico iuvenis Phoceus Orestae,
    hoc tibi, dum licuit, psittace, turtur erat.
Quid tamen ista fides, quid rari forma coloris,
    quid vox mutandis ingeniosa sonis,
quid iuvat, ut datus es, nostrae placuisse puellae?—
    infelix, avium gloria, nempe iaces!
tu poteras fragiles pinnis hebetare zmaragdos
    tincta gerens rubro Punica rostra croco.
non fuit in terris vocum simulantior ales—
    reddebas blaeso tam bene verba sono!
Raptus es invidia—non tu fera bella movebas;
    garrulus et placidae pacis amator eras.
ecce, coturnices inter sua proelia vivunt;
    forsitan et fiunt inde frequenter ****.
plenus eras minimo, nec prae sermonis amore
    in multos poteras ora vacare cibos.
nux erat esca tibi, causaeque papavera somni,
    pellebatque sitim simplicis umor aquae.
vivit edax vultur ducensque per aera gyros
    miluus et pluviae graculus auctor aquae;
vivit et armiferae cornix invisa Minervae—
    illa quidem saeclis vix moritura novem;
occidit illa loquax humanae vocis imago,
    psittacus, extremo munus ab orbe datum!
optima prima fere manibus rapiuntur avaris;
    inplentur numeris deteriora suis.
tristia Phylacidae Thersites funera vidit,
    iamque cinis vivis fratribus Hector erat.
Quid referam timidae pro te pia vota puellae—
    vota procelloso per mare rapta Noto?
septima lux venit non exhibitura sequentem,
    et stabat vacuo iam tibi Parca colo.
nec tamen ignavo stupuerunt verba palato;
    clamavit moriens lingua: 'Corinna, vale!'
Colle sub Elysio nigra nemus ilice frondet,
    udaque perpetuo gramine terra viret.
siqua fides dubiis, volucrum locus ille piarum
    dicitur, obscenae quo prohibentur aves.
illic innocui late pascuntur olores
    et vivax phoenix, unica semper avis;
explicat ipsa suas ales Iunonia pinnas,
    oscula dat cupido blanda columba mari.
psittacus has inter nemorali sede receptus
    convertit volucres in sua verba pias.
Ossa tegit tumulus—tumulus pro corpore magnus—
    quo lapis exiguus par sibi carmen habet:
"colligor ex ipso dominae placuisse sepulcro;
    ora fuere mihi plus ave docta loqui".

mein gott... in English it reads so smoothly reading
it while listening to Red Hot Chilli Peppers'
B-sides... quixoticelixer...
teatra jam (short)... and then thinking about it...
through to and through Going Li coupled
with trouble in the pub (instrumental version)...

i will never own a car...
              mind you: i already secretely own a house...
if i keep appeasing my mother and my father:
when reality kicks in and they're dead and i'm
project solo... it's not like i'm waiting for the day...
they are hoarders of shoes and screws...
literally... no metaphor...
  on my own: i will have to recycle so much ****
before i will put the house on the market...
and? i never pledged any allegiance to Essex...
England... i have: pledged an allegiance
to the English tongue...
                 but if not the Shetland Islands...
north... "god" send me north! even as far as
Greenland!
                i'm not willing to die in a place where
villages are flaring up in a July heat...

i can't bemoan what i honestly couldn't keep...
i sometimes get mad at my father for being
so submissive to my mother...
i sometimes get so mad at my mother for only
being able to talk about her chronic pains:
i'm alligned with my grandmother
who once said: she's just like your paternal
great-grandmother... every itch and scratch...
it's like writing with chalk on a blackboard...
hey presto! ruptures of the Grand Canyon...
that ******* bollocking of: ooh! ah!
           me? i don't understand people with tattoos...
me? i collect scars...
these two fading ones on my face are a disappointment...
i thought something more pronounced
could be kept from that bicycle-crach Francis Bacon
esque imitation of painting:
   the sort of painting where you can still revel
in brush-strokes being visible...
   because it's not rigid: Renaissance form painting...

now: i can sort of imagine what men couple up...
those who fear being alone...
those not interested in art...
those mostly interested in sport... but not all sport...
just some sports...
sports that they support "passing their lineage"
with according to the cult of football teams...
not all-sports... i.e. not an interest in fencing...
swimming... certainly guys who thought:
wow! tennis is great to watch!
   but squash is so much more fun to play!
cycling... well... if you love cycling per se:
watching other people cycle is a bit: BOO-RING...
what sort of other men get married?
probably those not interested in risque ***
with prostitutes...
ones interested in making money for a woman
to spend...
me? i'm not interested in money...
                       in terms of money:
i'm more likely to spend £30 on a book than
think about a dinner date...
                      
is that...   ??? i'm not even going to ask myself
that question that begins with a buzz-word
and the letters Mmmm... miso...
                             well... what is a boy to do...
figure out what to do with his spare time...
               i don't mind cleaning the house:
who ever said that it's the duty of a woman to keep
the house clean? i like living in a household in order...
i love cooking: it's like chemistry 2.0...
                      give me a bag of Indian spices and i'll
cook up a perfect storm of a curry...
but then again: i'm not work-shy when it comes
to using heavy-duty tools akin to the KANGO...
which... i later found out was a Japanese word for
Chinese in general... or the other way round...
i'd hate to be one of those Phil Collins types of
forgetting how many hands i have
by changing gloves like i might be an octopus...

and when it comes to children?
eh... it's enough for a boy in a buggy in a supermarket
pointing his finger at me as i walk past
making that chimpanzee face of OOH at me...
or a fist-bump with some teenagers at the London
Stadium... that's enough... i'm happy to play
the "secret uncle" role...
while women remain women: as fickle as the wind...
i've learned to live with that reality...
i scratch my beard and pretend that i'm playing
a violin...

plus, i'm a terrible drinker... i'm a loving-drunk...
i'm drunk right now...
if a litre of whiskey per night satisfies
my libido shortages i'm happy:
it implies i can write... i stop drinking and start
*******: alles goot...
                           today i was visited by a wasp...
i was visited by a bee before...
oh man... it was heart-breaking...
he was dying... i had to help him...
   i poured some honey onto the pave-,
and moved him towards the puddle...
he stuck his mighty Gene Simmons sucker out
and started to perform an OD on sugar...
i was glad... watching him die from a sugar-overdose...
it was: rather pleasant to watch...

TERROR! mix JAINISM with TAOISM
and fuse that in an European mind...
               but i'll still eat meat...
                        it's a parody of what's to be expected:
i prefer life with the possibilities of change...
with... curiosities of: extensive ulterior
possibilities that run counter to estblished norms
of expectations of a RIGID MIND...
i water: i flow...
      i fire: i dance...
i air: i whirl...
i earth: i rumble...
i lightning: i blink...
hey presto! the five elements!

in another language close to my heart:
since i was born with it...
the pronoun disappears:
ja woda: płyne
ja ogien: tańcze...
   ja powietrze: kręce się (odd)
ja ziemia: trzęse się (also "odd")
ja grzmot: mrygam

there are languages in existence where pronouns
hide... to be honest...
in ******? the pronouns are rarely used...
oh mein gott... when they're used in a sentence:
esp. the I... it's like... wow! i just found
a "nugget of gold"!
seriously... that how my mother-tongue
is structured: on English is the current
prounoun-circus available to watch...
i'm siding with the Somali pirates having
a giggle... playing blackjack with either Greeks
or some other Africans...

there are languages in English that cannot: will not,
succumb to the current Marxist onslight
happening in this tongue...
not because these languages will not:
they CANNOT...
mind you... it's such an intellectual low-bar
of achievement... but since it's piggy-pop...
it must be slaughtered on an individual level
before this DISEASE is allowed to spread...
thank heavens that English is only my second
language... how that allows me to bypass
buying into any sort of propaganda...
   my lingua Ingelese... my tongue for spreading
ideas...
    oh: and thank **** i' expressing in a medium
desecrated by the same people pushing these
sordid ideas... post-humous fame! 'ere i come!
obviously! who's in it for the "real" and immediate
if one isn't... fabricating a pickling of a shark
in plastic.... who? who?! woof!
   a-woooooo"

            my heart has shrunk and hardened to
the size and hardness of a pebble...
    i wish i could entertain cosy nights with a woman
watching some pointless movie about
the stereotypes of love... then again: no...
i'd rather not...
drinking alone: who the hell said i was alone?
i sometimes "hallucinate" someone crying:
of late... i'm like: this isn't Aud Lang Syne...
this isn't Shakespear...
then again i love the idea that my true readers
are yet to be born...
i'm happy, happy-bear-alone...
                       a Maine **** is sleeping in my
bed... i'll join him come the right hour...
but he's not looking at me... he's looking above me...
only yesterday i started to paparazzi
a wasp that flew into my bedroom...
          what the **** do i have above me?
please say letters... i will not do alright with a halo...
i'm not going to join that
archangel one minute... saint the next...
clip my ******* wings for a get-through-easy
card: no!
          
it became finalized today... i'm literally tired
of ***... i'm tired of *** when it's equivalent to not...
being tired of eating food... drinking water...
it's unnecessarily-necessary... *** as golf...
per say...
                2 months of delay in payment...
i'm thinking about rekindling my affair with that mountain
bike... i have to forget the streets...
i need the woods again... but for that i need new tires...
oh... hell... i no longer have anything
to prove in the brothel... blah blah whatever...
threesomes look great: LOOk...
like a block of cheddar looks great...
when shredded...
and then melting...
perhaps in pornographic flicks...
but in reality? the changing of condoms
from one mouth to another...
from one ****** to another...
                          
what?! peiple are having unprotected ***?
vermin ****?!
   **** me... well... at least i'm obnoxiously savvy
in that regard...
no no... it's too disappointing...
you have to split your attention up...
there's nothing good about a *******...
why? because, usually... of the two girls...
there's one you really want to be a screwdriver to...
while the other is just being a, *******...
a ******* bandwagon... leftovers...
a pair of **** you get to imitate ****** with...
it's a bit like:
coupling an elephant with a giraffe...
but i want to ride the elephant!
but i want to stroke the giraffe's neck!
but  i want to pretend the elephants's tusk...
no! not tusk! TRUNK....
that rectangular bit of ******* you shovel
your clothes in when travelling...
TRUNK... or a TRAMPOLINE!
no... not the bouncy layer...
TRUNK... sneeze! trambone! jazz! ******* Miles Daisies!
Davis!  trumpet *******!
no... don't get me started on the sax...

then again: i want a rhino's horn! ram-jam...
Black Betty Bam B'eh Lam!

- oh no... i moved along... R.H.C.P.'s: thanks for the t-shirt...
Big Bukowski style:
i hate the eagles... run through the jungle...
run Forrest! whun!
WHUN!
  and that's me... hardly a LAMNTIA of the Beatniks
tripping... me? enough whiskey
and the right song... and i'm grooving beside
an imaginary drum-kit...
in that: once upon a time...
when men grew their hair long...
they were the barbarians knocking
on the gates of Rome... rather than being
the implosion of Rome within with
all of Rome's degeneracy of transgender gimmicks...

mind you: i've given it some thought...
i broke it down toward the following schematic:

anonymous audience, commenting,
video making blah blah...
****** "schematic": if you can call it that...
mind you: the VAR in WIETNAM
had the best soundtrack...
just saying: hey! her?! hey! don't shoot
the messanger!
i'd rather work the Fulham opening night
with the new stand: Thames-side being opened
than attend Wembley for a Westwood...
Westworld... Westlife concert,
i'm all up for handling those Scousers:
northern monkeys?
southern fairies...
let's just call them for what they are...
northern TOURISTS...

but the dynamic of publishing has changed:
i already know the criterium first...
women and children first...
THIRST beccause water matters...
i'm thirsty too... one litre of whiskey and
i'm still typing like a machine...
i'll box my liver and kidneys
as long as i keep my brain and eyes happy...

but it's just a different dynamic...
the internet experience...
i know a lot of people miss it...
i can't force people to read my bollocking-riddles...
ergo? i don't stagnate into celebrating it
or therefore advertising it...
i'm either read or i'm STAUB...
   dust...
                
i can't! i'm only making something available...
i can't force people out of their democratic "wedlock"...
you like it? great! you don't? great!
but the psychology of those video creators that
mind how many views they receive and
how many comments they: likewise receive...
"false hits" with the number of hits of viewership?

me? i'm not bothered... i've been watching
the female Euro finals...
i was almost scared... what if the female England team
don't make it to the finals?!
me? i'm gearing up...
any rowdy hooligans up to speed?!
as much as i hate women not trying toi compete
in sports that are sexually-exclusive...
there's this... THIS... i watch the games because
the Colleseum is burning...
i'm only watching the fire...
    and i'm watching the women i'd love to ****...
this never would have happened if watching
tennis...

    the crisp biting attache of a sharpshooter
WONG sort of mixer-mix-up with a whiskey
and a pepssi...
me... reaching for a second glass
with one already filled like: *******... RAINMAN...

keep your horses!
i'm gearing up to a translation!
wait, the, ****, up! keep it cool in Doob-Lyn!
oh no... you don't get to tell me
i use too many vowels without me showing
you... you mishandled the vowel-to-consonant
dynamic... Doob-Lyn is Dublin: tow me...
no: not to me? tow me... now you're dragging me
along the snail-trail...

the disparaging translations:

(B) the A. S. Kline translation

Parrot, the mimic, the winged one from India’s Orient,
is dead – Go, birds, in a flock and follow him to the grave!
Go, pious feathered ones, beat your ******* with your wings
and mark your delicate cheeks with hard talons:
tear out your shaggy plumage, instead of hair, n mourning:
sound out your songs with long piping!
Philomela , mourning the crime of the Thracian tyrant,
the years of your mourning are complete:
divert your lament to the death of a rare bird –
Itys is a great but ancient reason for grief.
All who balance in flight in the flowing air,
and you, above others, his friend the turtle-dove, grieve!
All your lives you were in perfect concord,
and held firm in your faithfulness to the end.
What the youth from Phocis was to Orestes of Argos,
while she could be, Parrot, turtle-dove was to you.
What worth now your loyalty, your rare form and colour,
the clever way you altered the sound of your voice,
what joy in the pleasure given you by our mistress? –
Unhappy one, glory of birds, you’re certainly dead!
You could dim emeralds matched to your fragile feathers,
wearing a beak dyed scarlet spotted with saffron.
No bird on earth could better copy a voice –
or reply so well with words in a lisping tone!
You were snatched by Envy – you who never made war:
you were garrulous and a lover of gentle peace.
Behold, quails live fighting amongst themselves:
perhaps that’s why they frequently reach old age.
Your food was little, compared with your love of talking
you could never free your beak much for eating.
Nuts were his diet, and poppy-seed made him sleep,
and he drove away thirst with simple draughts of water.
Gluttonous vultures may live and kites, tracing spirals
in air, and jackdaws, informants of rain to come:
and the raven detested by armed Minerva lives too –
he whose strength can last out nine generations:
but that loquacious mimic of the human voice,
Parrot, the gift from the end of the earth, is dead
The best are always taken first by greedy hands:
the worse make up a full span of years.
Thersites saw Protesilaus’s sad funeral,
and Hector was ashes while his brothers lived.
Why recall the pious prayers of my frightened girl for you –
prayers that a stormy south wind blew out to sea?
The seventh dawn came with nothing there beyond,
and Fate held an empty spool of thread for you.
Yet still the words from his listless beak astonished:
dying his tongue cried: ‘Corinna, farewell!’
A grove of dark holm oaks leafs beneath an Elysian *****,
the damp earth green with everlasting grass.
If you can believe it, they say there’s a place there
for pious birds, from which ominous ones are barred.
There innocuous swans browse far and wide
and the phoenix lives there, unique immortal bird:
There Juno’s peacock displays his tail-feathers,
and the dove lovingly bills and coos.
Parrot gaining a place among those trees
translates the pious birds in his own words.
A tumulus holds his bones – a tumulus fitting his size –
whose little stone carries lines appropriate for him:
‘His grave holds one who pleased his mistress:
his speech to me was cleverer than other birds’.

(C) the  P. Green translation

parrot, that feathered mimic from India's dawlands,
is dead. come flocking, birds, to his funeral:
come, all you godfearing airborne creatures,
beat ******* with wings,
   mourn, claw your polls, tear out soft feathers
(your hair), and pipe high your sad lament.
Philomela, nightingale, the ancient crimes of Tereus
which you lament is long past -
    divert your grief to the obsequies of a rare and modern
bird: poor Itylus' case was tragic, but antique.
all wind-borne voyagers through the clear empyrean
lament now, and above all his friend the turtle-dove
they lived in complete agreement,
    their bond of faith held firm to the end.
what Pylades was to Orestes or Argos, that Parrot,
turtle-dove was to you - while fate allowed.
yet of no avail your devotion, your rare and beautiful
plumage,
your adaptable mimic's voice;
    not even the care that my darling lavished on you -
poor Polly, paragon of birdhood, is dead.
so gree his feathers, they dimmed the cut emerald;
scarlet his beak, with saffron spots.
no bird on earth could copy a voice more closely
or sound so articulate.
fate, jealous, removed him - that unaggressive creature,
that talktative devotee of peace,
with his tiny appetite , whose love of conversation
left him little leisure for food,
who lived on a diet of nuts, used poppy-seed to encourage
sound sleep: kept his thirst at bay with nothing but water.
quails spend their whole life fighting -
maybe that's how they reach a ripe old age.
carnivorous vultures, kites gyring high in the heavens,
weather-wise jackdaws, prophets of rain to come,
are all long-lived - while Minerva's bête noire, the raven,
can outlast nine generations. yet Parrot is dead,
that loquacious parody of human utterance,, that bonanza
from the eastern edge of the world,
greedy death almost always pickss off the best ones early -
it's the third-raters who reach a ripe old age.
Thersites attended the funeral of Protesilaus;
Hector was ashes while his brothers still lived.
what point is recalling the desperate prayers my sweetheart
uttered?
some stormy sirocco blew them out to sea.
six days he survived, and then, at dawn on the seventh,
his thread of destiny ran out.
yet somehow, though dying, he could still find utterance,
and the last words he ever spoke were: 'Corinna, farewell!'
beneath a hill in Elyium, where dark ilex clussters
and the moist earth is for ever green,
there exists - or so i have heard - the pious fowls' heaven
(all ill-omened predators barred).
harmless swaans roam after foot there, there dwells
the phoenix, that long-lived, ever-solitary bird;
there Juno's peacock spreads out his splendid fantail
amid the billing and cooing of amorous doves;
and there, in this woodland haven, the feathered faithful
welcome Parrot, flock round to hear him talk.
his bones lie buried under a parrot-sized tumulus
with a tiny headstone bearing these words:
r.i.p. Polly: this tribute from his loving mistress:
articulate beyond a common bird

the thought of LEMONS or perhaps
the IDEA of lemon...
then again: i can't refrain from
ORANGES and LIMES...
and the shy-sunlight of autumn
and the blooming of apples...
and operas...
             "someone"...
                              what pretty pies of
unfuckable wonders await...

divert your grief to the obsequeies of a rare and modern
bird: poor Itylus' case was tragic, but antique
(antiquated?).
all wind-borne voyagers through tge clear empyrean
lament nowm abd above all
his friend the turtle-dove, they lived in complete
agreement
   their bond of faith held firm to the end.
what Pylades was to Orestes of Argos, that, Parrot,
turtle-dove was to you - while Fate allowed,

i'm not even going to bother with a "bananna C"...
i woke up wild-awake with ideas...
brimming with Tao...
"non-doing" id est: point PROVEN
or rather point SERVED?!

Russia and China are clashing...
or rather sparring...
they're having their civilization-state
agenda being put in place...
while there's a "culture-war" in the "west"...
right... James Bond...
so we're refrrering to nation-stattes
as post-nationhood...
  "states"...
                    precursors to the globalist agenda
of fake space exploration via the ******* telescope...
if Russia and China are civivilasation-states...
then... whatever culture "war" is investing in:
or rather: digressing into... impliies
the FSA (federal states of america)
             is a culture-state...
                                                ­                 no?

personally? i don't like the current h'American culture...
it's absolute *******...
no! i'm not going to translate any more of Ovid...
i already read the better translation...
i found out only two minites ago that
i prefer drinking to having ***...
and keeping an eye on cats is just as rewarding
as rearing children: if you allow yourself
to give them a personality...

           so Russia is a civilisation-state...
while America is a culture-state...
                    well... no wonder...
                                            America is the zenith
that could be: but doesn't have to be
preserved...
the culture-state-of-the-sand-*******...
i wish: the Arabs clocked in lucky...
sitting on so much raw ill of oil...
bounce bounce libido bounce bounce...

hmm... "inner monologue"... i had that "thing"
once... i kost it... turning psychotic...
then again: within the confines of having
an internal monologue? i was passive...
       i was a passive agent...
                         upon losing it: having my soul
evaporate: becoming an "N.P.C."...
i became an active agent...
i opened my eyes a second time...

           i think my inner monolpogue became blocked
by:
został wyciszony... bo zaczoł być cykliczny,
tzn. nie po prostej:
       wymarł według koncepcji
sprawiedliwości...

even i know: the gods uttered the words:
shut the **** up! we know you're right!
but we're playing roulette!
shut the ******! we're playing cards!
shut up!
wait! wait your turn!
**** me, given the prowess at attaing
a concept of the differential of space comparing
time... i.e. speed... i'll be karma-happy
once i die...

i'm not translating the rest of that Ovid...
a girl's parraot died... great!
now i'm thinking about:
a bicyckle is a terrible idea... to ride...
on the roads towards St. Paul's... i think i might
require a horse!
i need a horse! bring me a hood, a hoof,
an apple and a toothbrush!
the last place i'm thinking about moving
to is California...
   and thank no god for that...
just the people who already live there.

III.

i sooner discovered the rare B-sides of Red Hot Chilli
Peppers than having realised... oh right...
they release two albums after By the Way...
i completely forgot about those two...
               guess i'm not as big a fan as i thought i was...
Go Robot... it's not oh so wo terrible now, or anymore...
oh woah woe... what a whale to ride into the night...

sometimes it just happens, a sort of blend of an Ezrra Pound
and a Charles Olson moment, poem, moment-poem...
it stretches for three days and you just don't want
to finish it... you kept repeating yourself writing seemingly
aimlessly with no focus...
at this point writing becomes theraputic...
by the simple act of writing: not theraputic regarding
what you're writing about: memories of frustration and
complications having finished Thomas Mann's Dr. Faustus...
unlike those joyous frustrations with Samuel Beckett's
Watt...
                  and on the third day "he" finished painting
four metal chairs a new colour of copperhead...
a copperneck painting chairs copperhead...
to me the colour of copper is more appealing than
that of gold...

if i still had that inner-monologue people speak of
i wouldn't be writing this,
that inner-monologue fantasy i once was a proud owner
of: i.e. the closest "thing" to the idea of soul
was also filled with so many doubts...
i simply don't care what the supposed benefits
of it were... that whole no-inner-monologue ergo
one's an NPC (non-playable character)...
    i remember that that when my first psychotic episode
slammed me on a rampage i started to see DIFFERENTLY...
it was as if a veil was lifted from my eyes...
if i didn't write terrible poetry back then...
i most certainly wrote very little...
             the inner-monologue doubts... a plethora of them...
no? psychosis = the osmosis of soul...
   the body has remained... the devils said:
but these idle hands and this idle intellect have to stay...
we'll pass on the message with your soul
as it leaves your body...
call it whatever you want:
   res vanus or the silence of the "mind"...
that's how you become more of an active agent...
it might be called writing but i call it digging...
a tunnel toward some variaton of: marrying Hades
with Tartarus...
                after all... Venus is the daughter of titans...
and she's the only Titan among the Olympian gods:
such is her perfection... almost on par with
   the patron of philosophers that's Sacred Sophia:
who entertains the foolishness of elder men
without being able to tell them apart from boys...

IV. if i were to translate Amores II. XI

would i be willing to add a D in the translation sequence?
i don't think so
there's no need... i like comparing the two i already
made available...
i just wanted to stress how unbelievable Latin is...
compared to the modern tongue, for example English...
how compact it is!
- and course, i prefer the second translation...
     it... exfoliates!
                     this is the point for me where i truly appreciate
Ovid to be on par with Horace...

side by side walking through the zenith-nadir of
man...

   i'm finally come across a sequence of events that
make me unwilling to stop typing: perhaps if i get
drunk enough and stumble on my first typo
perhaps a series of typos would end my ambition...

do i think men in the west are living
in a land of libido-insomnia? i think they are...
whoever said that watching one type of pornogrphy
soon spirals out of control and men start
scouting for more extreme *******:
hello outlier A! hello outlier B!
where's outlier C? oh... he's coming...
at a time when women are supposed to be these
sexually liberated creatures while men
are either STAGS with harems or limp biscuit *****...
thank god i managed to catch the train
of having the ***** of walking into a newsagent
and buying a pornographic magazine to ******* to...
stashed about six in a folder behind
the radiator in the bathroom at 21B Beehive Lane,
Gants Hill...
                         mind you: i started prematurely...
8?
     i switch off with western ****** antics:
people are either having too much ***: ergo the kinks
or not enough of it...
outlier in the middle: when it's too hot
i leave the insects to do their lineage pride...
cooler temperatures: *** like rubbing sand-paper
on a ****** paint-job...

                         makeshift boney **** of the hand...
well: at least ******* makes me more interested in
the **** than **** ***...
but i did the opposite... i need to keep a sack-of-sanity
atop my head...
beside adoring the Katakana...
i very much adore Japanese tamed sexuality...
     グラビア アイドル (gurabia aidoru)...
back in the day when the English tabloid newspaper
the Sun had a page 3 girl...
back to basics... a show of *******...
    a show of cleavage... perhaps even the breast
like the eye... the sclera of the rounded breast...
the darkened skin at the iris and then the pupil
as the ******...
  floral patterns of the *******...
                  back to basics...
                           a photograph of a naked woman
and all the imagination at work: what wouldn't
i want to do with her?

well... if you begin pleasing yourself while concentrating
on the kiss between Venus and Cupid
in one of Bronzino's beauties of paint-strokes...
you're hardly going to go down a rabbit-hole
of "hide and hide": wihtout seeking it out...
people and thier kinks...
while a minority: dodo-project sexuality of
homosexuality is celebrated: garnerded unto the guise
of "pride": i can't stomach shame...
but hey: look at me! i'm about to parade my sexuality
like and ******* latex-clad gimp readied
for being given ***-favour-orders...

outlandish! god-forgiving god-fearing...
  hardly every god-loving...
           a settling in of a blue that's not the sky
but a melancholy... i'm finally willing to end this
"diatribe"... to start afresh... again and again...
like mixing: Dreams of a Samurai with
Hans Zimmer's spectres in the fog...

                      my ***: going back to figuring out
the premature adventures into ***...
one boy passing on the secrets of *******
to another while sharing a bath:
the cruel curiosity of the circumcision:
in a secular environment: without the kippah
or the niqab: the submission of the women...
i will not give up the "sheath" to my "sword"...
i will keep my teeth with my twirling tongue...
if ever an improvement on the aesthetics?
clipping the ears of Dobberman dogs...
banning clipping the clipping of their tails...
but still: the preserved atrocity of male circumcision...
i could agree...
once a woman is devoted to her man...
a circumcision like putting on a wedding ring...
noble swans... oh noble swans...

a melancholy that's sort of azure...
amass enough water and you will see blue...
amass "too little": freeze it...
a paleness somewhat grey...
but then the icebergs roaming that are
the Cistercians...
            all i need right now is for some lonely
dog to start barking into the night...
or the cackling "laughter" of a fox...
    
    but all those sexless lives...
            "lucky" me for taming my consumption down...
where would i be without it?
i didn't ask for a *******...
i wa offered it... i will never forget how she clamoured
for the opportunity...
she couldn't stomach being rejected twice...
she just had to clamour like a crab in a crab bucket...
even if she thought she thought she succeeded:
she was the spare wheel...
what i've learned... i prefer one-on-one interactions...
but i gave in...
   it would have never worked out:
not like it "works out" in pornographic flicks...
the sharing of saliva and other juices...
we're responsible adults...
unlike in the pornographic flicks...
          two women: one man...
the changing of condoms...
                           i had to think quick:
there's only one way i will not be undermined...
snuggling up to the one i really wanted
to spend an hour with...
                       kissing neck and cheek...
while she did a hand-job...
   the other just sat there sort of idle...
                          until i figured out... those *******
could be of some use...

- i couldn't pull off a Jesus look...
long hair and a beard is not my "thing"...
even with a sly undercut...
i chose the better option.... short hair, a beard, yes,
but a "fu manchu": an elongated love-spot...
competing with the length of the beard...
i really "don't understand" why i have no memory
of my chin and neck...
it's like there was never the idea of using
water as a mirror... perhaps poor Xerxes lashed
at the Aegean for hiding his reflection
when he had one of those Narcisstic moments
of anguish: he forgot how he looked like...
but then the sides of the moustasche also drooping:
elongated... that work much better than
a beard and long hair...
it's so unfashionable these days...
i don't get why men think beards and long hair
"work"....

then again i never figured out why Khadira
wanted to have unprotected ***...
  how she insisted that it was just plain o.k.
for me to ******* into her...
how i snapped and dived in into her pandamonium
of multiples springs of irritated ****...
all slobbering with oyster-tongue
and knose...
                               all that informed me...

companionship? what a rare commodity...
it's enough to have a mother to know
how a woman's company can quickly sour
the already sweet grapes...
one word: tell a man he's LAZY...
while he's just tired of being pushed and shoved...
if a mother can do that to a son?
what could a wife do?
                          and i'm come across curiosities of
men who waged wars with their mothers...
at the Tyson Fury boxing match...
i was trying to calm the **** down a guy
who was having a panic attack after being
"abandoned" by his mother...
who bought the tickets... and drinks...
i squeezed him hard... told him: but i'm here for free!
nay! i'm here and getting paid for it!
blah blah...
               i hate seeing panic attacks in men...
it makes me either feel like
more than a man or less of a man...
it makes me think of the men prior
with shell-shocks... or women exploiting
the challenges of p.t.s.d.

                                    i've seen so many people fake
a mental illness... i've spoken at length
to them... how easily open up to their own struggles...
while i'm left alone with whatever ones
i have...
                   maybe because my "mental health issues"
have morphed into philosophical caviats
implies that i'm immune to outright sharing
the details... and boring people to death...
so i listen...
        i listen...
                            in one ear out the other...

i remember days in high school when we would love
to change the subject, create a game:
SLAP-BALL... imitation of Tsar Peter III prior
to tennis... an imitation court... with a fence between us...
or just playing BLACKJACK...
cards... that was big... we understood that ignoring
women was best done with / by playing cards...
at one point: i remember it to this day...
Samuel Richards grabbed Ian Goodman's neck
and pinned him to the floor...
we tried to intervene...
i don't know whether it was about the actual
game of cards or whether it was about
Sam bailing out... he was about to move to France...
and ****** off from pur in-group...
started playing basketball with the black-boys...
forgot he was supposedly the "PUNK" in the school...
i remember skateboarding with him...
he actually stole his mother's credit card and bought
a skateboard for me...
but his ******* MOHICAN was ****...
it didn't entertain the entire length of his skull
meeting his spine...
but we did walk back from Romford
toward Ilford this one night...
underage drinking... singing Backstreet Boys songs...

ha ha...
         time is a museum of melancholy...
while space is a museum of furthering whatever is left
of leftover potential...

i'm so despondent about this life having to end...
today i cycled up to the traffic lights
on my ******... ******?! £125 viking road bike... say the word
****** one more time... what was i facing?
a solitary man in an Aston Martin...
behind him? some solitary guy in a Porsche...
right... "alphas"...
i'm on my bicycle... but these two guys
in those choicest of motor-examples?
that's the thing with "competing" in life rather than
sport...
     i like my bicycle... i love my bicycle...
i am yet to wash away the blood from my head
from the crash...
i don't have a broken leg: i just have an outgrowth of bone
on my shin where my bone should have cracked:
i love milk...

competing with these men... **** me...
i was thinking about the Porsche guy...
nice game... but it's not playing cards...
i taart myself up: compete...
what do i get? i get a Porsche...
     but then ahead of me there's this guy
in an Aston Martin: mate! i'm ******!
oh blue blue Hue... the Aston Martin looked like
the bomb that is already was...
the Porsche? the Porsche looked like
a ******* Ford Mondeo by comparison...
Civic Extra... if that's even a car...
i was sort of happy to by cycling...
i figured... well: i'm not using my legs...
to walk... i'm peddling...

ever heard the expression "push-bike"?
i heard that only recently... what a werid coupling
of words... a motorcycle is distinguished from
a a bicycle by the term: "push-bike"
this half-brain-dead coworker...
what the **** am i pushing?!
it's just as weird as calling it a peddling-bicycle, no?
eh?
but what am i pushing? a bicycle is a bicycle
a turtle is a turtle... i still have to figure out
what's being pushed...
what comes first? the donkey, the carrot, or the stick?!

mawn the lawn: sieve the sand...
mawn the lawn: sieve the sand...
keep nurturing the spacing between numbers
but also keep lost track of the alphebticaal
queue...
never the type to rehash a refurbishment
of SPAWN...

           i simply don't want this day-dream to end...
around me people cowering into sleep...
i'm left in limbo...
            between consetllations and the scythe
of the moon... dearest: moooooon...
i'm itching to break the silence with a howl...
but first: the thirst of a dog barking...
i hear a dog barking i'll start to howl!

aren't we simply becoming the same
tired people of old?
              more impetus...
more gravity! more fire! more tides!
more the quaking of the earth!
more whirlwinds! more! more!
one Pompeii is not enough!

                       almost one litre of whiskey
into the session and i'm sober-tense...
i'm starting to think that entertaining
hell is not a bad "gimmick"...
                  there's the imaginary hell-crowd
and there' some also doubly-imaginary
crowd of people that yet to be bound to imitation-migration
focus...
           next time you ask me:
i'd rather be eating ice: crunching on
ice than drinking water...
i want to burn my tongue...
licking ice...l i want to burn my tongue
licking ice: but first i want to be dipping
it in coridnader-cumin-chilli-turmeric mix-up
of spiders...

i want to first bruise my knees before
i lick them clean...
i want the strict juices of: not tomatoes?
red is red: ergo blood is blood...
vulture ****...
there's an open window:
there's an evaporating night too...

best refrain: 6 by 6s refrain on 9s...
since? there's plenty of 0s / oopses...
by this "flesh and blood"...
i heave this sand and timer
like: i was sadly woken up with
an inheritance of salt...
boiling blue bloods and boiling gravy...
a smile that reads: clenched teeth...
a smile so awkward that
it make^ a parrot think twice about
imitating human speech.

^a notable typo, i think i might require an editor
(insert a snigger); two alternatives:
1. it might make a parrot think twice,
2. a smile so awkward that it makes a parrot think twince...
all depending on the tense.

jeg husker ikke meget fra den nat

jeg husker blot
at s-toget
tog mig til et sted
mellem himmel og jord
hvor stjernerne vendte sig
og tiden stod stille

din station

der hvor alting gjorde
ondt men hvor solen
altid skinnede på februar morgner
selvom det regnede mod ruden
og håbet stod højt
med solen  

det der gemmer sig  

jeg sad på din sengekant
og kiggede på dine øjenlåg
jeg ved godt
hvor meget der foregår inde bag
de øjenlåg
en helt ny verden
som ingen ser
fordi du aldrig
holder dine øjne
åbne længe nok

følelsesløsheden

og jeg stryger din
kind og dine
skægstubbe
kradser mine fingre

du vågner og spørger
om jeg ikke
ligger mig ned til dig

hvor har du været

jeg smiler bare og svarer at
jeg har været der hvor stjernerne
vender

hvorfor er du kommet
spurgte du

fordi jeg fryser

du vidste altid
hvad jeg tænkte
og holdte mig tæt
i et milisekund
du er så smuk,
ved du godt det

dine øjne

de lyste altid en
lille smule op
og jeg kunne mærke
varmen sprede sig
til mine fingerspidser
og duften af dit
nyvaskede hår
mindede mig om
tusinde somre
jeg beundrede
dig længe

du var verdens partikler
samlet i en
hvorfor havde jeg aldrig set det før

hvorfor lukker du øjnene
hviskede jeg
det er stadig koldt

fordi det er meningsløst at tænde
for varmen
du bliver her jo alligevel kun til i morgen

svarede du

der var en verden imellem os
og dog alligevel var der ikke
mere end en centimeter og
et forgyldent spinkelt håb

... da du vendte dig om
og lukkede dine øjne igen

glastårer ramte din
pude
den pude du havde lånt
mig i et kærligt
øjeblik

der var koldt i værelset
igen

og i natten kyssede jeg dig farvel
og strøg din kind og
undrede mig for sidste gang
over hvad der sker bag dine lukkede
øjenlåg

da jeg gik ud
i februar natten var der varmt
og der vidste jeg
at det var bag dine øjenlåg det frøs

for varmen kom indefra
men altid kun når
du mistede kontrol

og når jeg tager s-toget
nu, idag
mellem himmel og jord
der hvor stjernerne vender
og tiden står stille

så undrer jeg mig


men det af dig
der svæver om mig

det får mig stadig til at fryse
fordi jeg aldrig fandt ud af hvad der
skete bag dine øjenlåg

... fordi du altid lod
mig fryse

men det varmer stadig lidt
helt inde bagerst
når toget stopper
på din station

måske fordi jeg aldrig
fik lov at mærke rigtigt efter

A dedication to a Lost Love.

If only my simple words could captivate every emotion that I am trying to convey. To summarize an illustrious story which I hold close to my dearest heart; then I would give you the entire world and then even more. From the deepest skies I would soar, just to bestow a higher power that you deserve; I would revive our love and mark every ocean shore for all to glance upon. My heart sets on fire and burns in blazing flames every time I hear you say “I love you”. I lose control, my nerves kick in and I am frozen within time; with you everything seems endless. The taste of your sensational kiss halts my heart; for when we depart, I hold on to that very last kiss and cleanse to it compassionately; the thought of you ponders everlasting.




The night is glorious; as they lay beneath Earth’s stars and galaxy. He comforts her and clings to her compassionately. He rolls his love on her back, as he blankets her in his arms; he glances through her glamorous eyes and finally spoke with a smile. “I see everything through your eyes. I see all that’s dark and brutal, to all that’s beautiful and filled with light. I see my whole world through your eyes.”
    
       She looks at him with silence as she tries to find the words to speak; then in a moment the words filter out like a waterfall. “For years I could only wonder how your kiss tasted, your lips against mine. Your smell eluded me, like I was knocking on Heaven’s door, just waiting to see the angels fluttering, an exquisite sight to see, an incredible beauty, to love unconditionally; a romance that is endless. Through your soul I can read an illustrious story.”

     He pulls her close; where he can hear every breath that circulates through her lungs. Then he gives her a soft kiss and a flutter of butterflies pours out of his stomach. “Our lips touch and it’s like a surge of electricity between our bodies.”

     “Gravity stops existing. We float through mid air. Flying through Heaven, our lips are still connected.”

     Kevin’s heart skips a beat as it starts to pulse rapidly; pondering over the love of his life, he only wishes to freeze time. “We float through space and time, an infinite dream, free to create our own reality; just you and me.”

She turns away from Kevin as she looks out in the wilderness. A cold breeze shifts towards her, as brisk bumps crawl up her spine. Everything shifts away; the open sky becomes more transparent. The moon still beams overhead; echo of howls vibrate through the wind. The silence between them leaves them both helpless and inert. She stands underneath a tree; the shadow it caste conceals her image. The leaves ruffle the peaceful atmosphere, with each crinkle and niche. The grass swiftly moves under Kevin’s body as he remains on the ground alone.

She glances at him persist, as his eyes connect with hers. They exchange each other’s worlds. Then she starts to dream off in an oblivious state of mind. She quietly speaks to Kevin. “As we drift together through the bewilder reality, we are bound by vines weaving around one another. Correlating a sense of compassion, as we endeavor this sensation, I get lost forever.”

Kevin stands up as he reaches for her soft hand and pulls it close to his chest; every beat of his heart she felt through the palm of her hand, then he began to speak softly. “Forever lost in your eyes like an infinite dream, the most amazing fantasy, our bodies weaving together, our lives intertwine like vines on a building.”

As she grasps his hands she stands bold; her eyes become cloudy, the night manifest deeper. Eagerly she speaks. “I pledge to this raven that stalks the night and watches over our bound vines, preying on its victim, not wanting to lose sight of this *******. It lingers with emotion. For our vibes are so strong that it paralyzes every eye.” She glares directly into Kevin’s eyes. “They choke because they need air to breathe.  We memorize them with our feelings’.
    
     Kevin’s eyes shift as they change from gray to a deep green; he becomes weak as his knees break beneath him. Slowly he loses balance, but before he falls his love catches him; closely they stand together, their strength is upheld by each other. Kevin lightly touches his love’s face and deeply speaks. “We steal breaths from those around us to feed our imaginable love growing ever longer day by day”.
  
     Nearly out of breath, she tenaciously speaks to him. “Unstoppable, undefeatable, I’m breathing slowly as I get closer to a man that sustains a capacity that is like no other”. She grabs onto his chest tightly not wanting to ever let go. “Our love burns hotter than fire and can freeze your heart like ice. What we share with each other you can only seek it once in a life time”.

       A light breeze fills the atmosphere around them; the dark starry night still covers the sky. He stands up, leaving her side. She remains inert on the ground as he stands by a tree grasping for the words to rebut. “It burns ever hotter and freezes ever colder. Growing ever stronger, able to stop an army and break the strongest barriers, never faltering jolts of lightening across the blue sky, able to conquer all in the path of this love”.

She rises to him, as they share a kiss. Their life changes, the sun finally peeks over the horizon creating a new day.

They go their separate ways; as Kevin let’s go of his love’s hand and kisses it one more time. He walks alone with tension in his mind. Finally he reaches home and immediately goes straight to his room.
    
The window in Kevin’s room blows a cold breeze; curtains flutter as his door slams shut. Kevin only hears silence; a pin drops to his floor and lingers through his chamber. The moon’s light is the only source that shines for his sight. Kevin lays in his prison, alone pondering over his life.

“So much going through my mind, my head is spinning in circles; I am losing my balance and I am about to break. Circumstances are not where they should be; my life is slowly crashing. Everything is changing so fast, I don’t know where to catch a grasp. My strength is going down the drain and I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. My paths are caving in; every road feels block. I toss and turn through out the night, just to escape my oblivious mind. I take one step forward to fall three steps back”.

Kevin rolls over on his back, as his mind and heart contemplates over his emotion that tears him apart inch by inch. His insides are ripping out and he holds them in his hands. Kevin’s stomach turns as his heart explodes. His blood pressure rises; then he sinks into a deep inner thought.

      
“When I break, when I fall, when I lose myself and tumble, if I give all I am, when I’m ready to take, will I be strong enough to fight, as I wait? If I search will I find the answers that are hidden? All that I have forsaken, when I am expose to the openness, expose to the brokenness.”

       Kevin’s eyes grow tighter as he shields them shut. Complete darkness surrounds him; Hell burning up in flames touches his skin, red marks crosses his flesh. The heat rises, Kevin’s walls begin to melt; as his life crumbles beneath his feet. He still searches for a higher power to relieve his despair. Kevin’s mind is screaming out and silence falls to the ground. He lays on his casket alone; as he murmurs to himself.

“Here I am it feels like I am not breathing, like I am only dreaming! When I sacrifice, in order to let go, when I lose at every battle, my heart gets fainter as you get closer. I lose control, my body in despair, shaky and scared. I tremble with each step, afraid to fail, to make a mistake. Make me feel like you did when I first gazed through your eyes, I was seeing through Heaven’s gate. The angels flying based upon fate, I get lost in them for days, like pain doesn’t exist on the prosperity of serenity.”

     Kevin falls dead, as he drifts away in a dream. Clouds fill his mind, and then draw blank. Through a far distant Kevin hears a faint voice. The sound of an angel intervenes in his head. She creeps closer and her image starts to become clearer. Her skins like a smooth mocha cream; her eyes cleanses with the night, beauty that he has never seen. Kevin’s eyes become focuses on the angel; as she draws nearer. She opens her arms and softly speaks. “Fall into my arms gently, let me take control. M arms will be your security; your protection to keep you safe in this world. Let me guide and lead the way, a new beginning to another chapter. We can create a life together, fast or slow. I will ease your oblivious mind and erase all of your pain.” The angel comes closer to Kevin, as her hair blows in front of her face. She stares at him then softly conveys. “I will show you a form of love that you desired for so long; there are no limits to this sensation. We are free to take it and run, together we unit as one.”

     Kevin sits in polarization as her glances at the angel. He trembles with each word. “I want to wrap you in my arms and keep you in my warm embrace; to hold you there till the morning light breaks through the window. I will blanket you in my warmth that is my everlasting love”.

     She lays in Kevin's arms as his body intertwines around hers. The atmosphere gets cooler; the clouds are still flying through mid-air. She grabs his hand tightly. “Let’s keep each other company and share a deep compassion, traveling through countries marking territories. Let the moon be the only light, it beams softly on your face. I'm allowed to see your mystical eyes; they tell a long story”.

     Kevin falls back, and the angel follows too. “I will take you through the highest mountains, the lowest valleys, across the coldest tundra’s and the hottest deserts. We will go through the deepest jungles, and the furthest reaches of the ocean, from the rings of Saturn, back to the grass of Iowa, without leaving our room”.

  “Through the great valley we will go; I will follow you till the end of time. You are worth fighting, let all the pain and heart ache subside. Our love is much greater than a storm that roars thunder and strikes lightening.” The angel slides her hand across Kevin’s face; he feels her warm embrace through the palm of her hand.

     Kevin closes his eyes and words unravel within time. “Our love reaches farther than the longest roads; it’s deeper than the deepest ocean. It is greater than the greatest features of human history, more amazing than the pyramids, and larger than life of the greatest man.” He pauses and takes in a deep breath and allows it to circulate deep within.

     The angel flutters her beauty to Kevin, as his eyes widen with every movement to makes. She solemnly floats away, but she still remains within Kevin’s sight. She quietly murmurs. “Let’s unravel this story and see how great this love really is, unlock every bind that once trapped our hearts. It can finally be released and freed. Lets forget about the past and the pain it once caused, for nothing else matters. We pulled through this far; still happy as a child’s laughter, withering deeper to a place like no other”. She takes a quick pause as she grasps for air. “The rivers flow much deeper, waterfalls flow much heavier, and affection growing greater. For it never decays as it ages; it just becomes more valuable through every night and day.”

     Memorized by every word she conveys, Kevin expresses his love like never before. He shifts to his left side and holds on to his treasure tighter. “I am ready to explore the love we have like the tombs of the ancient kings. I’m ready to take the twist and turns, never knowing what is yet to come, only knowing we’ll be side by side the whole way through, till the end of time, just you and I, on our road of love” Kevin’s heart aches with  prosperity, explosion that is within his soul. His body shakes and quivers every time his heart makes a beat. He looks at this creation as if she is all he could ever see. Kevin kisses her gently; his heart races more. Their lips disconnect and a light surrounds them. He stands behind the angel and whispers in her ears. “My soul is yours, along with my heart for you to take, to do what you wish. My love for you can not be measured. I hope to be in your heart for the rest of days”.

       Kevin’s arms remain blanket around the angel, the night that covers the starry sky. They both look out in the clouds where peace is found. She turns around in Kevin’s barrier and gently the crisp of her fingertips glides through his hair, the lips of the angel moves like calmness of an ocean. “Time can’t capture every split moment. I deprive your touch, your love, never wanting to let go. I still held on waiting for the day. Years passed over and we reunited; we picked up where we left off as if we never lived years without each other”.

     Kevin reminisces for a moment and draws himself back to the past. He stands by the angel as the memories play over in his head. “Days came and went and still I thought of you; the months came and gone and still I thought about you; the years rolled by and by and still I thought about you. Then I thought of you no more because you were in my arms again. You and I entangle like vines climbing up the wall, wrapping around each other”. The angel gives Kevin a light kiss and says her goodbye. He watches her leave his presents then says, “Wait, my love when I will see you again?” The silence answer Kevin’s question
The clouds wither away; the bright sky turns dark and gray. Everything around Kevin vanishes, then a cloud of smoke appears and a whisper conveys “Open your eyes and you will see me soon”. Kevin immediately opens his eyes and there his love was lying next to him. They both lay there sleepless and inert, as they fall asleep together. Their dreams intertwine with one another creating serenity.

         The waves collide as the ocean breaks to sonority then to calmness. A crack in which divides Heaven and Hell, with all the immoral things some how beauty is still found. There is a place where there is peace known as serenity. It helps people see everything; as the ocean departs and a new wave deprives the collision roars till the end of time.

      Kevin took a deep breath and let it lingered in the wind; then took a glance at the love of his life and spoke alluring words. "Walk through the veil from reality, to make believe. Allow your mind to drift into serenity pieces of you and me, together to keep in your heart and in your mind. I will show you the path to serenity."

       The love of his life pondered over Kevin’s words then responded back: "Will you drift with me to a place where there is serenity? A sacred piece that lets us be together, where there is no pain or suffering. Only the monuments that represent all that is make believe, a separation from reality.” She pushed her hair aside. “Where dreams guide the way, saving a memory to capture and remember. Will you grant me this serenity? Walk with me to this place that is unknown."

     Kevin took a few steps forward, and then paused. "This place is known to me. It’s anywhere that you’re with me and anyplace that I am with you, in the darkest dark or the brightest bright, the highest high or the lowest low. Serenity is you with me; happiness is me with you."

     She tightly closed her eyes and drifted away to a paradise in her oblivious mind. "I search for serenity when I reach my darkest hour. When the sun sets and ends another day. It’s never too dark when you’re with me. You’re the greatest light source that I will ever need.” She smiled at Kevin. “Happiness is a term that portrays an emotion where at times it’s inde

Puits de l'Inde ! tombeaux ! monuments constellés !
Vous dont l'intérieur n'offre aux regards troublés
Qu'un amas tournoyant de marches et de rampes,
Froids cachots, corridors où rayonnent des lampes,
Poutres où l'araignée a tendu ses longs fils,
Blocs ébauchant partout de sinistres profils,
Toits de granit, troués comme une frêle toile,
Par où l'oeil voit briller quelque profonde étoile,
Et des chaos de murs, de chambres, de paliers,
Où s'écroule au hasard un gouffre d'escaliers !
Cryptes qui remplissez d'horreur religieuse
Votre voûte sans fin, morne et prodigieuse !
Cavernes où l'esprit n'ose aller trop avant !
Devant vos profondeurs j'ai pâli bien souvent
Comme sur un abîme ou sur une fournaise,
Effrayantes Babels que rêvait Piranèse !

Entrez si vous l'osez !

Sur le pavé dormant
Les ombres des arceaux se croisent tristement ;
La dalle par endroits, pliant sous les décombres,
S'entr'ouvre pour laisser passer des degrés sombres
Qui fouillent, vis de pierre, un souterrain sans fond ;
D'autres montent là-haut et crèvent le plafond.
Où vont-ils ? Dieu le sait. Du creux d'une arche vide
Une eau qui tombe envoie une lueur livide.
Une voûte au front vert s'égoutte dans un puits,
Dans l'ombre un lourd monceau de roches sans appuis
S'arrête retenu par des ronces grimpantes ;
Une corde qui pend d'un amas de charpentes
S'offre, mystérieuse, à la main du passant.
Dans un caveau, penché sur un livre, et lisant,
Un vieillard surhumain, sous le roc qui surplombe,
Semble vivre oublié par la mort dans sa tombe.
Des sphinx, des boeufs d'airain, sur l'étrave accroupis,
Ont fait des chapiteaux aux piliers décrépits ;
L'aspic à l'oeil de braise, agitant ses paupières,
Passe sa tête plate aux crevasses des pierres.
Tout chancelle et fléchit sous les toits entr'ouverts.
Le mur suinte, et l'on voit fourmiller à travers
De grands feuillages roux, sortant d'entre les marbres,
Des monstres qu'on prendrait pour des racines d'arbres.
Partout, sur les parois du morne monument,
Quelque chose d'affreux rampe confusément ;
Et celui qui parcourt ce dédale difforme,
Comme s'il était pris par un polype énorme,
Sur son front effaré, sous son pied hasardeux,
Sent vivre et remuer l'édifice hideux !

Aux heures où l'esprit, dont l'oeil partout se pose,
Cherche à voir dans la nuit le fond de toute chose,
Dans ces lieux effrayants mon regard se perdit.
Bien souvent je les ai contemplés, et j'ai dit :

- Ô rêves de granit ! grottes visionnaires !
Cryptes ! palais ! tombeaux, pleins de vagues tonnerres !
Vous êtes moins brumeux, moins noirs, moins ignorés,
Vous êtes moins profonds et moins désespérés
Que le destin, cet antre habité par nos craintes,
Où l'âme entend, perdue, en d'affreux labyrinthes,
Au fond, à travers l'ombre, avec mille bruits sourds,
Dans un gouffre inconnu tomber le flot des jours ! -

Avril 1839.

på en varm juni nat i
vor tids paris
dansede jeg rundt på brostenene
i dine arme til lyden af 20'ernes jazz
fra en pladespiller i et åbent kældervindue
og livet smagte af champagne og luften
var fyldt med kærlighed, latter, og den
aftagende duft at læbestift og chanel
og jeg følte mig lidt som daisy
gjorde det i gatsbys arme og
vi gentog fortiden på ny
men det grønne lys
forsvandt også fra os og det værste
er at det har jeg altid vidst inderst inde
men jeg danser stadig hen af brostenene
når fortiden indhenter mig endnu
engang

gennemsigtig person, glædeligt imødekommende bud, ordrer, holdninger
hvem er du? en afspejling af andre
sømmet fast
sammenhængskraft og kraftanstrengelse
hvor mange gange er du blevet kaldt en engel? en engel i kød og blod, i al sandhed. en engel som alle andre engle der vandrer på jorden. himmelsk
du fortjener at kende dig selv, din ophøjethed, din uendelighed
find et spejl og kig hele vejen gennem universerne og over på dig selv. ikke spejlbilledet men dig
gennem al støjen og alle de råbende faktorer der skaber dit ydre jeg
find dit indre, dit kompas der tillader dig at navigere inde i det kosmos der hersker på indersiden
ellers er alt vendt på vrangen
som menneskets nethinde, den optiske illusion af omvendthed - på hovedet
en nikkedukke, en dårlig vane

ret ryggen og indse din utilpassede uendeligheds grænseløshed
luk støjen ude og fokuser på den indre stemme, kompasset
far vild i dine galakser og lyt til universet (det indre og det ydre)
tumulten er identitetsskabende, men der er grænser
(mål, man endelig indhenter)
dybt inde ved du hvem du er
himmelsk og uvurderlig og alt for tilbøjelige til at bukke under

stå fast, slå rod, vend dig indad så du først nu egentlig
kan se resten af verden
med klare øjne
spejlblanke
dig

Je l'ai dit quelque part, les penseurs d'autrefois,
Épiant l'inconnu dans ses plus noires lois,
Ont tous étudié la formation d'Ève.
L'un en fit son problème et l'autre en fit son rêve.
L'horreur sacrée étant dans tout, se pourrait-il
Que la femme, cet être obscur, puissant, subtil,
Fût double, et, tout ensemble ignorée et charnelle,
Fît hors d'elle l'aurore, ayant la nuit en elle ?
Le hibou serait-il caché dans l'alcyon ?
Qui dira le secret de la création ?
Les germes, les aimants, les instincts, les effluves !
Qui peut connaître à fond toutes ces sombres cuves ?
Est-ce que le Vésuve et l'Etna, les reflux
Des forces s'épuisant en efforts superflus,
Le vaste tremblement des feuilles remuées,
Les ouragans, les fleurs, les torrents, les nuées,
Ne peuvent pas finir par faire une vapeur.
Qui se condense en femme et dont le sage a peur ?

Tout fait Tout, et le même insondable cratère
Crée à Thulé la lave et la rose à Cythère.
Rien ne sort des volcans qui n'entre dans les coeurs.
Les oiseaux dans les bois ont des rires moqueurs
Et tristes, au-dessus de l'amoureux crédule.
N'est-ce pas le serpent qui vaguement ondule
Dans la souple beauté des vierges aux seins nus ?
Les grands sages étaient d'immenses ingénus ;
Ils ne connaissaient pas la forme de ce globe,
Mais, pâles, ils sentaient traîner sur eux la robe
De la sombre passante, Isis au voile noir ;
Tout devient le soupçon quand Rien est le savoir ;
Pour Lucrèce, le dieu, pour Job, le kéroubime
Mentaient ; on soupçonnait de trahison l'abîme ;
On croyait le chaos capable d'engendrer
La femme, pour nous plaire et pour nous enivrer,
Et pour faire monter jusqu'à nous sa fumée ;
La Sicile, la Grèce étrange, l'Idumée,
L'Iran, l'Egypte et l'Inde, étaient des lieux profonds ;
Qui sait ce que les vents, les brumes, les typhons
Peuvent apporter d'ombre à l'âme féminine ?
Les tragiques forêts de la chaîne Apennine,
La farouche fontaine épandue à longs flots
Sous l'Olympe, à travers les pins et les bouleaux,
L'antre de Béotie où dans l'ombre diffuse
On sent on ne sait quoi qui s'offre et se refuse,
Chypre et tous ses parfums, Delphe et tous ses rayons,
Le lys que nous cueillons, l'azur que nous voyons,
Tout cela, c'est auguste, et c'est peut-être infâme.
Tout, à leurs yeux, était sphinx, et quand une femme
Venait vers eux, parlant avec sa douce voix,
Qui sait ? peut-être Hermès et Dédale, les bois,
Les nuages, les eaux, l'effrayante Cybèle,
Toute l'énigme était mêlée à cette belle.

L'univers aboutit à ce monstre charmant.
La ménade est déjà presque un commencement
De la femme chimère, et d'antiques annales
Disent qu'avril était le temps des bacchanales,
Et que la liberté de ces fêtes s'accrut
Des fauves impudeurs de la nature en rut ;
La nature partout donne l'exemple énorme
De l'accouplement sombre où l'âme étreint la forme ;
La rose est une fille ; et ce qu'un papillon
Fait à la plante, est fait au grain par le sillon.
La végétation terrible est ignorée.
L'horreur des bois unit Flore avec Briarée,
Et marie une fleur avec l'arbre aux cent bras.
Toi qui sous le talon d'Apollon te cabras,
Ô cheval orageux du Pinde, tes narines
Frémissaient quand passaient les nymphes vipérines,
Et, sentant là de l'ombre hostile à ta clarté,
Tu t'enfuyais devant la sinistre Astarté.
Et Terpandre le vit, et Platon le raconte.
La femme est une gloire et peut être une honte
Pour l'ouvrier divin et suspect qui la fit.
A tout le bien, à tout le mal, elle suffit.

Haine, amour, fange, esprit, fièvre, elle participe
Du gouffre, et la matière aveugle est son principe.
Elle est le mois de mai fait chair, vivant, chantant.
Qu'est-ce que le printemps ? une orgie. A l'instant,
Où la femme naquit, est morte l'innocence.
Les vieux songeurs ont vu la fleur qui nous encense
Devenir femme à l'heure où l'astre éclôt au ciel,
Et, pour Orphée ainsi que pour Ézéchiel,
La nature n'étant qu'un vaste *****, l'ébauche
D'un être tentateur rit dans cette débauche ;
C'est la femme. Elle est spectre et masque, et notre sort
Est traversé par elle ; elle entre, flotte et sort.
Que nous veut-elle ? A-t-elle un but ? Par quelle issue
Cette apparition vaguement aperçue
S'est-elle dérobée ? Est-ce un souffle de nuit
Qui semble une âme errante et qui s'évanouit ?
Les sombres hommes sont une forêt, et l'ombre
Couvre leurs pas, leurs voix, leurs yeux, leur bruit, leur nombre ;
Le genre humain, mêlé sous les hauts firmaments,
Est plein de carrefours et d'entre-croisements,
Et la femme est assez blanche pour qu'on la voie
A travers cette morne et blême claire-voie.
Cette vision passe ; et l'on reste effaré.
Aux chênes de Dodone, aux cèdres de Membré,
L'hiérophante ému comme le patriarche
Regarde ce fantôme inquiétant qui marche.

Non, rien ne nous dira ce que peut être au fond
Cet être en qui Satan avec Dieu se confond :
Elle résume l'ombre énorme en son essence.
Les vieux payens croyaient à la toute puissance
De l'abîme, du lit sans fond, de l'élément ;
Ils épiaient la mer dans son enfantement ;
Pour eux, ce qui sortait de la tempête immense,
De toute l'onde en proie aux souffles en démence
Et du vaste flot vert à jamais tourmenté,
C'était le divin sphinx féminin, la Beauté,
Toute nue, infernale et céleste, insondable,
Ô gouffre ! et que peut-on voir de plus formidable,
Sous les cieux les plus noirs et les plus inconnus,
Que l'océan ayant pour écume Vénus !

Aucune aile ici-bas n'est pour longtemps posée.
Quand elle était petite, elle avait un oiseau ;
Elle le nourrissait de pain et de rosée,
Et veillait sur son nid comme sur un berceau.
Un soir il s'échappa. Que de plaintes amères !
Dans mes bras en pleurant je la vis accourir...
Jeunes filles, laissez, laissez, ô jeunes mères,
Les oiseaux s'envoler et les enfants mourir !

C'est une loi d'en haut qui veut que tout nous quitte.
Le secret du Seigneur, nous le saurons un jour.
Elle grandit. La vie, hélas ! marche si vite !
Elle eut un doux enfant, un bel ange, un amour.
Une nuit, triste sort des choses éphémères !
Cet enfant s'éteignit, sans pleurer, sans souffrir...
Jeunes filles, laissez, laissez, ô jeunes mères,
Les oiseaux s'envoler et les enfants mourir !

Le 22 juin 1842.

Jeg håber at jeg er pigen,
som du slap for tidligt og for hurtigt
Fordi du var for ung og dum og usikker
Men som du har fundet ud af NU
Er hende du vil være sammen med.
Du er desværre drengen,
som er boret inde i mine tanker endnu.
Specielt når jeg er fuld og træt og ensom
For det du gjorde ved mig FØR
Kan stadigvæk få kuldegysninger frem

L'aurore se levait, la mer battait la plage ;
Ainsi parla Sapho debout sur le rivage,
Et près d'elle, à genoux, les filles de ******
Se penchaient sur l'abîme et contemplaient les flots :

Fatal rocher, profond abîme !
Je vous aborde sans effroi !
Vous allez à Vénus dérober sa victime :
J'ai méconnu l'amour, l'amour punit mon crime.
Ô Neptune ! tes flots seront plus doux pour moi !
Vois-tu de quelles fleurs j'ai couronné ma tête ?
Vois : ce front, si longtemps chargé de mon ennui,
Orné pour mon trépas comme pour une fête,
Du bandeau solennel étincelle aujourd'hui !

On dit que dans ton sein... mais je ne puis le croire !
On échappe au courroux de l'implacable Amour ;
On dit que, par tes soins, si l'on renaît au jour,
D'une flamme insensée on y perd la mémoire !
Mais de l'abîme, ô dieu ! quel que soit le secours,
Garde-toi, garde-toi de préserver mes jours !
Je ne viens pas chercher dans tes ondes propices
Un oubli passager, vain remède à mes maux !
J'y viens, j'y viens trouver le calme des tombeaux !
Reçois, ô roi des mers, mes joyeux sacrifices !
Et vous, pourquoi ces pleurs ? pourquoi ces vains sanglots ?
Chantez, chantez un hymne, ô vierges de ****** !

Importuns souvenirs, me suivrez-vous sans cesse ?
C'était sous les bosquets du temple de Vénus ;
Moi-même, de Vénus insensible prêtresse,
Je chantais sur la lyre un hymne à la déesse :
Aux pieds de ses autels, soudain je t'aperçus !
Dieux ! quels transports nouveaux ! ô dieux ! comment décrire
Tous les feux dont mon sein se remplit à la fois ?
Ma langue se glaça, je demeurais sans voix,
Et ma tremblante main laissa tomber ma lyre !
Non : jamais aux regards de l'ingrate Daphné
Tu ne parus plus beau, divin fils de Latone ;
Jamais le thyrse en main, de pampres couronné,
Le jeune dieu de l'Inde, en triomphe traîné,
N'apparut plus brillant aux regards d'Erigone.
Tout sortit... de lui seul je me souvins, hélas !
Sans rougir de ma flamme, en tout temps, à toute heure,
J'errais seule et pensive autour de sa demeure.
Un pouvoir plus qu'humain m'enchaînait sur ses pas !
Que j'aimais à le voir, de la foule enivrée,
Au gymnase, au théâtre, attirer tous les yeux,
Lancer le disque au ****, d'une main assurée,
Et sur tous ses rivaux l'emporter dans nos jeux !
Que j'aimais à le voir, penché sur la crinière
D'un coursier de I'EIide aussi prompt que les vents,
S'élancer le premier au bout de la carrière,
Et, le front couronné, revenir à pas lents !
Ah ! de tous ses succès, que mon âme était fière !
Et si de ce beau front de sueur humecté
J'avais pu seulement essuyer la poussière...
Ô dieux ! j'aurais donné tout, jusqu'à ma beauté,
Pour être un seul instant ou sa soeur ou sa mère !
Vous, qui n'avez jamais rien pu pour mon bonheur !
Vaines divinités des rives du Permesse,
Moi-même, dans vos arts, j'instruisis sa jeunesse ;
Je composai pour lui ces chants pleins de douceur,
Ces chants qui m'ont valu les transports de la Grèce :
Ces chants, qui des Enfers fléchiraient la rigueur,
Malheureuse Sapho ! n'ont pu fléchir son coeur,
Et son ingratitude a payé ta tendresse !

Redoublez vos soupirs ! redoublez vos sanglots !
Pleurez ! pleurez ma honte, ô filles de ****** !

Si l'ingrat cependant s'était laissé toucher !
Si mes soins, si mes chants, si mes trop faibles charmes
A son indifférence avaient pu l'arracher !
S'il eût été du moins attendri par mes larmes !
Jamais pour un mortel, jamais la main des dieux
N'aurait filé des jours plus doux, plus glorieux !
Que d'éclat cet amour eût jeté sur sa vie !
Ses jours à ces dieux même auraient pu faire envie !
Et l'amant de Sapho, fameux dans l'univers,
Aurait été, comme eux, immortel dans mes vers !
C'est pour lui que j'aurais, sur tes autels propices,
Fait fumer en tout temps l'encens des sacrifices,
Ô Vénus ! c'est pour lui que j'aurais nuit et jour
Suspendu quelque offrande aux autels de l'Amour !
C'est pour lui que j'aurais, durant les nuits entières
Aux trois fatales soeurs adressé mes prières !
Ou bien que, reprenant mon luth mélodieux,
J'aurais redit les airs qui lui plaisaient le mieux !
Pour lui j'aurais voulu dans les jeux d'Ionie
Disputer aux vainqueurs les palmes du génie !
Que ces lauriers brillants à mon orgueil offerts
En les cueillant pour lui m'auraient été plus chers !
J'aurais mis à ses pieds le prix de ma victoire,
Et couronné son front des rayons de ma gloire.

Souvent à la prière abaissant mon orgueil,
De ta porte, ô Phaon ! j'allais baiser le seuil.
Au moins, disais-je, au moins, si ta rigueur jalouse
Me refuse à jamais ce doux titre d'épouse,
Souffre, ô trop cher enfant, que Sapho, près de toi,
Esclave si tu veux, vive au moins sous ta loi !
Que m'importe ce nom et cette ignominie !
Pourvu qu'à tes côtés je consume ma vie !
Pourvu que je te voie, et qu'à mon dernier jour
D'un regard de pitié tu plaignes tant d'amour !
Ne crains pas mes périls, ne crains pas ma faiblesse ;
Vénus égalera ma force à ma tendresse.
Sur les flots, sur la terre, attachée à tes pas,
Tu me verras te suivre au milieu des combats ;
Tu me verras, de Mars affrontant la furie,
Détourner tous les traits qui menacent ta vie,
Entre la mort et toi toujours prompte à courir...
Trop heureuse pour lui si j'avais pu mourir !

Lorsque enfin, fatigué des travaux de Bellone,
Sous la tente au sommeil ton âme s'abandonne,
Ce sommeil, ô Phaon ! qui n'est plus fait pour moi,
Seule me laissera veillant autour de toi !
Et si quelque souci vient rouvrir ta paupière,
Assise à tes côtés durant la nuit entière,
Mon luth sur mes genoux soupirant mon amour,
Je charmerai ta peine en attendant le jour !

Je disais; et les vents emportaient ma prière !
L'écho répétait seul ma plainte solitaire ;
Et l'écho seul encor répond à mes sanglots !
Pleurez ! pleurez ma honte, ô filles de ****** !
Toi qui fus une fois mon bonheur et ma gloire !
Ô lyre ! que ma main fit résonner pour lui,
Ton aspect que j'aimais m'importune aujourd'hui,
Et chacun de tes airs rappelle à ma mémoire
Et mes feux, et ma honte, et l'ingrat qui m'a fui !
Brise-toi dans mes mains, lyre à jamais funeste !
Aux autels de Vénus, dans ses sacrés parvis
Je ne te suspends pas ! que le courroux céleste
Sur ces flots orageux disperse tes débris !
Et que de mes tourments nul vestige ne reste !
Que ne puis-je de même engloutir dans ces mers
Et ma fatale gloire, et mes chants, et mes vers !
Que ne puis-je effacer mes traces sur la terre !
Que ne puis-je aux Enfers descendre tout entière !
Et, brûlant ces écrits où doit vivre Phaon,
Emporter avec moi l'opprobre de mon nom !

Cependant si les dieux que sa rigueur outrage
Poussaient en cet instant ses pas vers le rivage ?
Si de ce lieu suprême il pouvait s'approcher ?
S'il venait contempler sur le fatal rocher
Sapho, les yeux en pleurs, errante, échevelée,
Frappant de vains sanglots la rive désolée,
Brûlant encor pour lui, lui pardonnant son sort,
Et dressant lentement les apprêts de sa mort ?
Sans doute, à cet aspect, touché de mon supplice,
Il se repentirait de sa longue injustice ?
Sans doute par mes pleurs se laissant désarmer
Il dirait à Sapho : Vis encor pour aimer !
Qu'ai-je dit ? **** de moi quelque remords peut-être,
A défaut de l'amour, dans son coeur a pu naître :
Peut-être dans sa fuite, averti par les dieux,
Il frissonne, il s'arrête, il revient vers ces lieux ?
Il revient m'arrêter sur les bords de l'abîme ;
Il revient !... il m'appelle... il sauve sa victime !...
Oh ! qu'entends-je ?... écoutez... du côté de ******
Une clameur lointaine a frappé les échos !
J'ai reconnu l'accent de cette voix si chère,
J'ai vu sur le chemin s'élever la poussière !
Ô vierges ! regardez ! ne le voyez-vous pas
Descendre la colline et me tendre les bras ?...
Mais non ! tout est muet dans la nature entière,
Un silence de mort règne au **** sur la terre :
Le chemin est désert !... je n'entends que les flots...
Pleurez ! pleurez ma honte, ô filles de ****** !

Mais déjà s'élançant vers les cieux qu'il colore
Le soleil de son char précipite le cours.
Toi qui viens commencer le dernier de mes jours,
Adieu dernier soleil ! adieu suprême aurore !
Demain du sein des flots vous jaillirez encore,
Et moi je meurs ! et moi je m'éteins pour toujours !
Adieu champs paternels ! adieu douce contrée !
Adieu chère ****** à Vénus consacrée !
Rivage où j'ai reçu la lumière des cieux !
Temple auguste où ma mère, aux jours de ma naissance
D'une tremblante main me consacrant aux dieux,
Au culte de Vénus dévoua mon enfance !
Et toi, forêt sacrée, où les filles du Ciel,
Entourant mon berceau, m'ont nourri de leur miel,
Adieu ! Leurs vains présents que le vulgaire envie,
Ni des traits de l'Amour, ni des coups du destin,
Misérable Sapho ! n'ont pu sauver ta vie !
Tu vécus dans les Pleurs, et tu meurs au matin !
Ainsi tombe une fleur avant le temps fanée !
Ainsi, cruel Amour, sous le couteau mortel.
Une jeune victime à ton temple amenée,
Qu'à ton culte en naissant le pâtre a destinée,
Vient tomber avant l'âge au pied de ton autel !

Et vous qui reverrez le cruel que j'adore
Quand l'ombre du trépas aura couvert mes yeux,
Compagnes de Sapho, portez-lui ces adieux !
Dites-lui... qu'en mourant je le nommais encore !

Elle dit, et le soir, quittant le bord des flots,
Vous revîntes sans elle, ô vierges de ****** !

En skide forretning jeg kun har sat fødderne i siden vi fik én Sodastream,
for regelmæssigt at købe nye smagsvarianter
De sælger blendere og glas at drikke af, batterier
og blinkende lyskæder når det er sæson for det
En røvsyg butik, der alligevel formår at vække noget i live dybt inde i mig
Det gipper i mig når jeg passerer deres butiksvinduer
Det tager al modet i mig at ture lade mine øjne lede efter dig bag kassen derinde
med din uniform på, i form af dine
selvvalgte adidasbukser og forpligtet sorte t-shirt
med logo trykt på ryggen
Forpulede ALSTRØM
Du er bare en fandens isenkræmmer der sælger lette hårde hvidevarer og diverse ting til husstanden
så hvorfor både frygter jeg for dig, skønt går en omvej i centeret bare for at krydse dig?

jeg forstår egentlig ikke hvorfor
jeg har det på den her måde
og jeg er egentlig ikke sikker på om
jeg har ret til at føle hvad jeg føler
og det er faktisk noget der er svært
for mig at beskrive med ord
altså hvad jeg føler
men jeg må jo konkludere at
du giver mig åndedragsbesvær
og en lille smule kuldegysninger
fordi min forestilling om hvad
vi kunne have sammen
er så utrolig smuk at det
gør mig så ked af det at tænke
på at det eneste du så
var bare hvor smuk jeg er
og jeg følte at når jeg kiggede
på dig så jeg alt din skrøbelighed
og al din sødme
som afspejler sig i den måde dine
øjne smiler på
når jeg siger at jeg syntes også at
du er smuk
på en måde hvor andre drenge ikke
er smukke
men at du som menneske er interessant
af den grund at du er kompleks og
sød
og jeg har aldrig oplevet at blive behandlet
så godt som du behandlede mig
og jeg tror mine mindreværdskomplekser
måske er lidt anderledes end så mange
andre teenage piger
fordi jeg ikke er bange for at jeg ikke er smuk
nok eller lækker eller har en flot krop
for det ved jeg godt at jeg er
og jeg er heldig
men det er så overfladisk at det gør ondt
fordi jeg har så lave tanker
om netop de værdier som gør at jeg syntes
at du er smuk
og jeg er så bange for at der aldrig vil
være nogen der syntes at jeg har et smukt indre
jeg er så bange for ikke at være god nok som
menneske
og jeg føler mig så ofte som en skal, som ikke
er mere værd end det du ser udadtil
fordi det altid er det som drenge
tillægger en værdi hos mig
og jeg ville så gerne have at du kunne se
at jeg var så meget mere end ***
og at jeg har så meget mere at byde på
og jeg er så skrøbelig inden i
jeg har set så meget og skåret mig på
alt hvad jeg tør røre ved
føler inderst inde at jeg ikke er noget værd
jeg er bare ikke sådan en pige man forelsker sig i
fordi det kræver jo mere end blot et kønt ansigt
hvorfor er der aldrig nogen der fortæller mig
at jeg er sød eller at jeg er godt menneske
der var engang en der elskede mig
men han var for bange for den kærlighed vi
havde fordi den var så ægte og konkret
at han aldrig turde indrømme det
han sagde den gang at jeg var det bedste menneske
han kendte og jeg havde virkelig et stort hjerte
og jeg var så kærlig og sød
jeg tror også det er derfor jeg altid vil elske
ham et eller andet sted inden i mig
og han var smuk af de samme grunde du er smuk
men også fordi han var ødelagt og knust inden i
og det fik mig til at føle
jeg havde fundet min ligemand
men du er så glad og ser de smukke ting i livet
og det tror jeg gav mig lyst til at dele det liv
du så fra dine øjne
jeg ville så uendelig gerne være en del af det
og leve lidt i din radius hvor
livet er en dans på roser og du nyder bare
øl og gymnasie fester
venner og veninder
og kærlighed virkede ikke til at være en skræmmende
ting for dig
indtil du mødte mig
og det gik op for dig hvor destruktivt det kan være
følelsen af at have noget at miste
det var det sidste jeg ville have dig til at føle
men jeg kan næsten ikke styre mig selv
for det eneste jeg har lyst til er at skrive til dig
hvorfor vil du ikke give mig en chance
for at vise dig at der gemmer sig roser i mit sind
bag de røde læber og det lange bølgede hår (som du er så vild med)
og vise dig at den krop du rørte og hviskede i øret at den
var så fandens lækker
gemmer på en person som du rørte meget mere
med dine fine ord
og din person
men sandheden er jo bare at du er ligeglad med mig
at jeg blot bliver gjort til en ting igen
som du kan samle på og objektivisere
og indramme og hænge op på din væg af
trofæer
og dér kan jeg så pynte
men jeg længes efter så meget mere
jeg vil ikke blot hænge der
jeg vil røre din konkrete krop
og dit udefinerbare sind
og bare elske

You all remember the romantic fickleness of being fifteen, right?

Of course you do.

Everything was

Brand New. (But we faced the world with Bright Eyes)

Once again I’m sealing up my dried-on spilt blue dye

With a kiss between the lines of liquor boxes

Wondering in which book my nose was buried

During the moment that time casually hopped aboard

a timeless train with a clocked-out rate

Its silent departure breeding a fantastical escape.

Only the ironic forlon echo comes much later.

They don’t tell girls who waste their youth away between the lines of pseudonyms

Between the shelves of musty libraries

Every other warm summer day until dusk

Just how old you’ll feel in the reminiscence of inde-alternative and cardboard boxes.

La philosophie ose escalader le ciel.
Triste, elle est là. Qui donc t'a bâtie, ô Babel ?
Oh ! Quel monceau d'efforts sans but ! Quelles spirales
De songes, de leçons, de dogmes, de morales !
Ruche qu'emplit de bruit et de trouble un amas
De mages, de docteurs, de papes, de lamas !
Masure où l'hypothèse aux fictions s'adosse,
Ayant pour toit la nuit et pour cave la fosse ;
Bleus portiques béants sur les immensités,
De tous les tourbillons des rêves visités ;
Vain fronton que le poids de l'infini déprime,
Espèce de clocher sinistre de l'abîme
Où bourdonnent l'effroi, la révolte, et l'essaim
De toutes les erreurs sonnant leur noir tocsin !
Et, comme, de lueurs confusément semées,
Par les brèches d'un toit s'exhalent des fumées,
Les doctrines, les lois et les religions,
Ce qu'aujourd'hui l'on croit, ce qu'hier nous songions,
Tout ce qu'inventa l'homme, autel, culte ou système,
Par tous les soupiraux de l'édifice blême,
À travers la noirceur du ciel morne et profond,
Toutes les visions du genre humain s'en vont,
Éparses, en lambeaux, par les vents dénouées,
Dans un dégorgement livide de nuées.

Temple, atelier, tombeau, l'édifice fait peur.
On veut prendre une pierre, on touche une vapeur.
Nul n'a pu l'achever. Pas de cycle ni d'âge
Qui n'ait mis son échelle au sombre échafaudage.
Qui donc habite là ? C'est tombé, c'est debout ;
C'est de l'énormité qui tremble et se dissout ;
Une maison de nuit que le vide dilate.
Pyrrhon y verse l'eau sur les mains de Pilate ;
Le doute y rôde et fait le tour du cabanon
Où Descartes dit oui pendant qu'Hobbes dit non ;
Les générations sous le gouffre des portes
Roulent, comme, l'hiver, des tas de feuilles mortes ;
Les escaliers, sans fin montés et descendus,
Sont pleins de cris, d'appels, de pas sourds et perdus
Et d'un fourmillement de chimères rampantes ;
Des oiseaux effrayants volent dans les charpentes ;
C'est Bouddha, Mahomet, Luther disant : allez !
Lucrèce, Spinosa, tous les noirs sphinx ailés !

Tout l'homme est sculpté là. Socrate, Pythagore,
Malebranche, Thalès, Platon aux yeux d'aurore,
Combinent l'idéal pendant que Swift, Timon,
Ésope et Rabelais pétrissent le limon.
Est-il jour ? Est-il nuit ? Dans l'affreux crépuscule
Le rhéteur grimaçant ricane et gesticule ;
On ne sait quel reflet d'un funèbre orient
Blanchit les torses nus des cyniques riant,
Et des sages, jetant des ombres de satyres ;
Le devin rêve et tord dans les cordes des lyres
Le laurier vert mêlé de smilax éternel.
Chaque porche entr'ouvert découvre un noir tunnel
Dont l'extrémité montre une idéale étoile ;
Comme si, - Tu le sais, Isis au triple voile, -
Ces antres de science et ces puits de raison,
Souterrains de l'esprit humain, sans horizon,
Sans air, sans flamme, ayant le doute pour pilastre,
Employaient de la nuit à faire éclore un astre,
Et le mensonge impur, difforme, illimité,
Vaste, aveugle, à bâtir la blanche vérité !
Partout au vrai le faux, lierre hideux, s'enlace ;
Pas de dogme qui n'ait son point faible, et ne lasse
Une cariatide, un support, un étai ;
Thèbe a pour appui l'Inde, et l'Inde le Cathay ;
Memphis pèse sur Delphe, et Genève sur Rome ;
Et, végétation du sombre esprit de l'homme,
On voit, courbés d'un souffle à de certains moments,
Croître entre les créneaux des hauts entablements
Des arbres monstrueux et vagues dont les tiges
Frissonnent dans l'azur lugubre des vertiges.
Et de ces arbres noirs par instants tombe un fruit
À la foule des mains ouvertes dans la nuit ;
Quel fruit ? Demande au vent qui hurle et se déchaîne !
Quel fruit ? Le fruit d'erreur. Quel fruit ? Le fruit de haine ;
La pomme d'Ève avec la pomme de Vénus.

Ô tour ! Construction des maçons inconnus !
Elle monte, elle monte, et monte, et monte encore,
Encore, et l'on dirait que le ciel la dévore ;
Et tandis que tout sage ou fou qui passe met
Une pierre de plus à son brumeux sommet,
Sans cesse par la base elle croule et s'effondre
Dans l'ombre où Satan vient avec Dieu se confondre ;
Gouffre où l'on n'entend rien que le vent qui poursuit
Ces deux larves au fond d'un tremblement de nuit !

jeg ser dig gå i stykker
jeg ser dit hjerte ændre nuance fra rødt til gråt
jeg ser dit univers ramle
men bare rolig
jeg samler dine skår op
jeg skær mine fingre til det blege flisegulv er rød plettet, men jeg gør det for dig
der flyder nu sort blod i mine åre
jeg distrahere fra smerten
men du vandalisere mig inde fra
du ridser mig med dine egne skår og du fylder is i mine sår
mine organer er døde og hvide linjer danser rundt på min krop
min blyantspidser er gået i stykker og det er jeg også

følelserne i farver
farverne i folderne
krummer i folderne
krummerne i sprækker
sprækker i gulvet
gulvet mod fødderne
fødderne inde i skoene
skoene i luften
ryggen på madrassen
madrassen inde i folderne
følelserne i luften

aldrig før har den euforiske følelse
af kærlighed føltes så dejlig
som den nu gør med dig
hele min krop er fyldt til randen
med bobler i tusind farver
og jeg kan ikke holde dem inde
de bruser ud af mig og farver
himlen og skyerne i regnbuens farver
i stedet for mit melankolske blik
render jeg nu rundt med det
dummeste smil og ligner en
der rent faktisk for en stund
er lykkelig

aldrig før har den euforiske følelse
af kærlighed føltes så ægte
som den nu gør med dig
jeg var engang så naiv at jeg troede
jeg havde mødt den eneste ene
men nu er det som om han blot
var et langt mareridt
for du gør mig slet ikke bange som han
for du svarer altid og skriver søde ord
jeg ved at du ikke forlader mig
så nu ligger jeg her for en stund og
er tryg

aldrig før har den euforiske følelse
af kærlighed føltes så rigtig
som den nu gør med dig
for mit sind har altid været et puslespil
men det var som om at da du kiggede på mig
faldt alle brikkerne bare på plads
og du så mig klarer for den jeg er
end nogen anden nogensinde har gjort
så for første gang nogensinde skriver
jeg digte om at være glad og jeg ved ikke helt
men for en kort stund når du kigger på mig
er jeg forelsket?

Jeg ofre mig hele tiden
jeg giver mig selv til folk
som kun giver halvt tilbage
Kan du tage min arbejdsvagt? Ja
Vil du med i byen og 2 dage i streg? Ja
Vil du besøge mig og så spiser vi sammen? Ja
Din flis-jakke er hæslig, skal jeg lave en ny? Ja
Denne konstante cirkel
af ting jeg skal, gøre og nå
den gør mig sindssyg
Jeg vil hellere ligge i min seng  
føle spændingerne forlade min krop
og mærke hvor øm den egentlig er
af at jeg har glemt at lytte til mig selv
Jeg vil hellere se på skyer
eller bare på himlen
om den er lyserød, med skyer på eller blå
Jeg vil hellere trække vejret dybt
helt ned i lungerne, helt ned i maven
og mærke den friske luft inde i mig
Tankerne i mit hoved danser disco
og jeg er ikke selv inviteret
men det er ikke som at gå i byen
ikke som 2-dage-i-streg-bytur  
mere som en konstant orkan
hvor mit ydre er orkanens rolige øje
for hvordan kan du være så rolig, Maria?
Jeg ved det ikke
Jo det ved jeg
Har ikke haft tid til at tænke over det
fordi der er en ny ofring at bringe
Ingen tid til eftertanke
eller fortanke
Før jeg ved af det er cirklen startet igen
Forfra eller bagfra
Det er det med cirkler
lige meget hvor den starter
så vil den nå hele vejen rundt
Ingen tid til eftertanke

*(Marolle)

Lorsque l'on veut monter aux tours des cathédrales,

On prend l'escalier noir qui roule ses spirales,

Comme un serpent de pierre au ventre d'un clocher.


L'on chemine d'abord dans une nuit profonde,

Sans trèfle de soleil et de lumière blonde,

Tâtant le mur des mains, de peur de trébucher ;


Car les hautes maisons voisines de l'église

Vers le pied de la tour versent leur ombre grise,

Qu'un rayon lumineux ne vient jamais trancher.


S'envolant tout à coup, les chouettes peureuses

Vous flagellent le front de leurs ailes poudreuses,

Et les chauves-souris s'abattent sur vos bras ;


Les spectres, les terreurs qui hantent les ténèbres,

Vous frôlent en passant de leurs crêpes funèbres ;

Vous les entendez geindre et chuchoter tout bas.


À travers l'ombre on voit la chimère accroupie

Remuer, et l'écho de la voûte assoupie

Derrière votre pas suscite un autre pas.


Vous sentez à l'épaule une pénible haleine,

Un souffle intermittent, comme d'une âme en peine

Qu'on aurait éveillée et qui vous poursuivrait.


Et si l'humidité fait des yeux de la voûte,

Larmes du monument, tomber l'eau goutte à goutte,

Il semble qu'on dérange une ombre qui pleurait.


Chaque fois que la vis, en tournant, se dérobe,

Sur la dernière marche un dernier pli de robe,

Irritante terreur, brusquement disparaît.


Bientôt le jour, filtrant par les fentes étroites,

Sur le mur opposé trace des lignes droites,

Comme une barre d'or sur un écusson noir.


L'on est déjà plus haut que les toits de la ville,

Édifices sans nom, masse confuse et vile,

Et par les arceaux gris le ciel bleu se fait voir.


Les hiboux disparus font place aux tourterelles,

Qui lustrent au soleil le satin de leurs ailes

Et semblent roucouler des promesses d'espoir.


Des essaims familiers perchent sur les tarasques,

Et, sans se rebuter de la laideur des masques,

Dans chaque bouche ouverte un oiseau fait son nid.


Les guivres, les dragons et les formes étranges

Ne sont plus maintenant que des figures d'anges,

Séraphiques gardiens taillés dans le granit,


Qui depuis huit cents ans, pensives sentinelles,

Dans leurs niches de pierre, appuyés sur leurs ailes,

Montent leur faction qui jamais ne finit.


Vous débouchez enfin sur une plate-forme,

Et vous apercevez, ainsi qu'un monstre énorme,

La Cité grommelante, accroupie alentour.


Comme un requin, ouvrant ses immenses mâchoires,

Elle mord l'horizon de ses mille dents noires,

Dont chacune est un dôme, un clocher, une tour.


À travers le brouillard, de ses naseaux de plâtre

Elle souffle dans l'air son haleine bleuâtre,

Que dore par flocons un chaud reflet de jour.


Comme sur l'eau qui bout monte et chante l'écume,

Sur la ville toujours plane une ardente brume,

Un bourdonnement sourd fait de cent bruits confus :


Ce sont les tintements et les grêles volées

Des cloches, de leurs voix sonores ou fêlées,

Chantant à plein gosier dans leurs beffrois touffus ;


C'est le vent dans le ciel et l'homme sur la terre ;

C'est le bruit des tambours et des clairons de guerre,

Ou des canons grondeurs sonnant sur leurs affûts ;


C'est la rumeur des chars, dont la prompte lanterne

File comme une étoile à travers l'ombre terne,

Emportant un heureux aux bras de son désir ;


Le soupir de la vierge au balcon accoudée,

Le marteau sur l'enclume et le fait sur l'idée,

Le cri de la douleur ou le chant du plaisir.


Dans cette symphonie au colossal orchestre,

Que n'écrira jamais musicien terrestre,

Chaque objet fait sa note impossible à saisir.


Vous pensiez être en haut ; mais voici qu'une aiguille,

Où le ciel découpé par dentelles scintille,

Se présente soudain devant vos pieds lassés.


Il faut monter encore dans la mince tourelle,

L'escalier qui serpente en spirale plus frêle,

Se pendant aux crampons de **** en **** placés.


Le vent, d'un air moqueur, à vos oreilles siffle,

La goule étend sa griffe et la guivre renifle,

Le vertige alourdit vos pas embarrassés.


Vous voyez **** de vous, comme dans des abîmes,

S'aplanir les clochers et les plus hautes cimes ;

Des aigles les plus fiers vous dominez l'essor.


Votre sueur se fige à votre front en nage ;

L'air trop vif vous étouffe : allons, enfant, courage !

Vous êtes près des cieux ; allons, un pas encore !


Et vous pourrez toucher, de votre main surprise,

L'archange colossal que fait tourner la brise,

Le saint Michel géant qui tient un glaive d'or ;


Et si, vous accoudant sur la rampe de marbre,

Qui palpite au grand vent, comme une branche d'arbre,

Vous dirigez en bas un œil moins effrayé,


Vous verrez la campagne à plus de trente lieues,

Un immense horizon, bordé de franges bleues,

Se déroulant sous vous comme un tapis rayé ;


Les carrés de blé d'or, les cultures zébrées,

Les plaques de gazon de troupeaux noirs tigrées ;

Et, dans le sainfoin rouge, un chemin blanc frayé ;


Les cités, les hameaux, nids semés dans la plaine,

Et partout, où se groupe une famille humaine,

Un clocher vers le ciel, comme un doigt s'allongeant.


Vous verrez dans le golfe, aux bras des promontoires,

La mer se diaprer et se gaufrer de moires,

Comme un kandjiar turc damasquiné d'argent ;


Les vaisseaux, alcyons balancés sur leurs ailes,

Piquer l'azur lointain de blanches étincelles

Et croiser en tous sens leur vol intelligent.


Comme un sein plein de lait gonflant leurs voiles ronde,

Sur la foi de l'aimant ils vont chercher des mondes,

Des rivages nouveaux sur de nouvelles mers :


Dans l'Inde, de parfums, d'or et de soleil pleine,

Dans la Chine bizarre, aux tours de porcelaine,

Chimérique pays peuplé de dragons verts ;


Ou vers Otaïti, la belle fleur des ondes,

De ses longs cheveux noirs tordant les perles blondes,

Comme une autre Vénus, fille des flots amers ;


À Ceylan, à Java, plus **** encore peut-être,

Dans quelque île déserte et dont on se rend maître,

Vers une autre Amérique échappée à Colomb.


Hélas ! Et vous aussi, sans crainte, ô mes pensées,

Livrant aux vents du ciel vos ailes empressées,

Vous tentez un voyage aventureux et long.


Si la foudre et le nord respectent vos antennes,

Des pays inconnus et des îles lointaines

Que rapporterez-vous ? De l'or, ou bien du plomb ?...


La spirale soudain s'interrompt et se brise.

Comme celui qui monte au clocher de l'église,

Me voici maintenant au sommet de ma tour.


J'ai planté le drapeau tout au haut de mon œuvre.

Ah ! Que depuis longtemps, pauvre et rude manœuvre,

Insensible à la joie, à la vie, à l'amour,


Pour garder mon dessin avec ses lignes pures,

J'émousse mon ciseau contre des pierres dures,

Élevant à grande peine une assise par jour !


Pendant combien de mois suis-je resté sous terre,

Creusant comme un mineur ma fouille solitaire,

Et cherchant le roc vif pour mes fondations !


Et pourtant le soleil riait sur la nature ;

Les fleurs faisaient l'amour, et toute créature

Livrait sa fantaisie au vent des passions ;


Le printemps dans les bois faisait courir la sève,

Et le flot, en chantant, venait baiser la grève ;

Tout n'était que parfum, plaisir, joie et rayons !


Patient architecte, avec mes mains pensives

Sur mes piliers trapus inclinant mes ogives,

Je fouillais sous l'église un temple souterrain ;


Puis l'église elle-même, avec ses colonnettes,

Qui semble, tant elle a d'aiguilles et d'arêtes,

Un madrépore immense, un polypier marin ;


Et le clocher hardi, grand peuplier de pierre,

Où gazouillent, quand vient l'heure de la prière,

Avec les blancs ramiers, des nids d'oiseaux d'airain.


Du haut de cette tour à grande peine achevée,

Pourrais-je t'entrevoir, perspective rêvée,

Terre de Chanaan où tendait mon effort ?


Pourrai-je apercevoir la figure du monde,

Les astres dans le ciel accomplissant leur ronde,

Et les vaisseaux quittant et regagnant le port ?


Si mon clocher passait seulement de la tête

Les toits ou les tuyaux de la ville, ou le faîte

De ce donjon aigu qui du brouillard ressort ;


S'il était assez haut pour découvrir l'étoile

Que la colline bleue avec son dos me voile,

Le croissant qui s'écorne au toit de la maison ;


Pour voir, au ciel de smalt, les flottantes nuées,

Par le vent du matin mollement remuées,

Comme un troupeau de l'air secouer leur toison ;


Et la gloire, la gloire, astre et soleil de l'âme,

Dans un océan d'or, avec le globe en flamme,

Majestueusement monter à l'horizon !

et  rystende maleri. han har brugt lang tid på det, får jeg at vide

det ligner noget et barn har tegnet. bogstaverne er runde
       og vaklende og skæve. han har malet farverne ind over hinanden.

det rammer som en snestorm, som en iskold bølge inde i hjernen, tårerne som spor af følelsen

                  kernen af et menneske, hvem er man når den svinder, når den
           ryster og hiver efter vejret og falder
og langsomt smelter bort?

        det er smertefuldt at være vidne til. forsvinder han? er det hans sidste maleri?

                ikke til at holde ud,    jeg må væk,    jeg må besøge ham eller
         skrive   et   digt, jeg må gøre noget

for ellers flyder jeg over

     af salte, kolde bølger der vælder

den måde sammensætningen af vokaler og konsonanter
flød
gled
smuttede
hen over dine læber
rev fat i mig så langt inde
at det næsten ikke kunne mærkes

du åbnede op til dine inderste blodårer
lige foran min trommehinde

verbalt
brutalt
genialt

du er en demo på mine tideligere dårlige idéer
du strejfer de hengemte tankepakker jeg ellers havde pakket så fint ind i blødt papir
og gemt langt, langt ned under min seng

det kan mærkes i maven og hjertet
det gør ondt som bare fanden
det kommer i jag og forsvinder langsomt
denne tomme følelse af noget
der burde være der men ikke er
denne tomme følelse af savn
til noget man ikke kan sætte en finger på
savn af selskab, savn af kram,
savn af nogen der mærker på min sjæl
savner ikke den overfladiske socialisation
hvor jeg pænt sidder og lytter
for sådan er jeg opdraget
”bla bla bla, mine problemer bla bla bla,
men hvordan har du det egentlig, Maria?”
min svar er altid ”det har jeg ikke tænkt over”
for det har jeg ikke, det er ikke en løgn
har travlt med at få styr på alt det lort
som folk bliver ved med at læsse af på mig
alle deres problemer med boligselskaber,
mennesker de ikke kan lide, pengeproblemer,
drengeproblemer, arbejdsproblemer,
skoleproblemer, venneproblemer
jeg er træt
og det er først når jeg er alene
at jeg kan mærke hvordan jeg har det
mærke mig selv og mærke ensomheden
mærke min sjæl  
og den skræmmer mig
jeg ved ikke hvem jeg skal sige det til
eller hvordan jeg skal forklare det
”hej, jeg har det ad helvede til,
der er en klump af kaos, ensomhed og
noget andet ubeskriveligt der trykker
inde i min mave”
for hvad ville folk ikke tænke
Maria er altid glad, *** vil altid lytte
*** smiler frejdigt og laver hendes ting
men sådan er jeg slet ikke
jeg er i stykker

*(Marolle)

det orange skær lægger sig som et yndefuldt lag over alle de opsatte trekanter, der så fint repræsenterer den syvdags-beboende flok af festglade mennesker, der dag for dag snor sig spruttende af glæde rundt mellem de mange stier, der opfyldes af et ocean af humørfyldte druklege

jeg selv er en del af det, og jeg trasker nynnende rundt mellem lattergaspatroner, smadrede oliofska flasker og knækkede stoleben
lad os kalde det en smuk losseplads

jeg er så stærkt fascineret af atmosfæren
også selv når mit hoved sumre og pumpes op af den velkendte klang af dak
og når jeg næsten dehydrere, af alt det vand jeg burde ha indtaget, i stedet for at anvende det til at drukne min hjerne i, når mine tanker lader sig sejle roterende rundt i orange bølger
dette dræner også én fra energi
så jeg mindes tydeligt øjeblikket, hvor vi tillod os selv at falde hen en times tid
og derefter, med et sæt, vågne op af tørsten samt trangen til at fortsætte indtagelsen af det påvirkende væske

vi går over mod apollo for at
endnu en gang
opleve nydelsen af tame impala's smukke udsendelser af øregangsorgasmer
jeg har det lidt halvdårligt, og forsøger lidt akavet at rette fokus mod mine eksotiske babyhår i panden, som stikker ud fra den gule skyggekasket, der meget udiskret og med en ekstrem ensfarvet sammensætning, matcher alt andet gult på min krop
for en stund virkede ignorancen

åh, se, en pomfritbod

et sødt pars hænder smelter sammen i aftensolens skær, lige inden de vender sig mod hinanden og blidt lader deres læber mødes. selve romantikken i seancen, bliver desværre hurtigt udvekslet af et råsnaveri, og jeg ryster let på hovedet
mine midlertidige følgesvende hiver straks deres mobiler frem og filmer et nøjagtigt pragteksemplar af mit sørgelige kærlighedsliv, mens jeg står standhaftigt og udstråler et hjerteskærende ansigtstryk
under mit humoristiske og selvironiske lag af skuespil, står jeg og overvejer alvoren i den thomas helmig sang, mine ører skuer i det fjerne
og med ét fremstår hele situationen nærmest egentlig som en bedrøvelse i sig selv, når jeg realiserer sandhedens betydning

en brummende bas drøner bagfra forbi os, og jeg opfanger i selvsamme sekund, at den gigantiske højtaler, imponerende nok, er blevet hægtet fast på cyklen med knapt så sparsomme mængder gaffatape
og jeg tænker, at cyklens skarpe sving, har en vis lighed med den roterende fornemmelse af lidelse, der dybt mærkes langs min rygsøjle
om det er fra mit efterhånden propfyldte net med unødvendige, fjollede småting eller de mange udmattende gåture på pladsen er jeg ikke helt klar over

nu ligger jeg herhjemme
ikke i teltet eller hos andrea, for den sags skyld
men helt hjemme
mine øjenlåg vibrerer af savn, når jeg hører musik, der minder mig om roskilde gengivelsen af de mange øjeblikke, 'nede mette' har sejlet rundt mellem mine slidte øregange, kan ikke fremstå på samme måde, som det gjorde på festivalpladsen
lugten af cigaretter sidder stadig mellem mine fingre
jeg spekulerer over, om det måske skyldes de mange gennempillet filtre

alt i alt har jeg en mærkværdig fornemmelse af, at skulle vanedanne mig selv ind i roskildes dagsrutiner, hvilket ville være en stor overbelastning for den ellers ganske normale hverdag
men jeg sidder alligevel her, inde i min nøddeskal og tænker at min modreaktion på savnen, vel umuligt bør være andet end at lede efter de små værdifulde ligheder, der kan genskabe min fascination af roskilde festivalens mange glæder

angsten
den fanger mig, låser mig inde
langsomt kvæles jeg og
bliver drænet for kræfter
den overtager mit sind
min krop
og mit liv

Du bidder i din underlæbe til den er helt blodig og hudløs.
Dine hænder er gemt inde i dine alt for lange ærmer.
Neglelakken farver dine nedbidte negle grå, den er halvt afpillet og krakeleret, så der kun er en lille plet af grå tilbage. Dine øjne er mere røde end blå og de ser ned på dine sammenkrøllede tær og skæve fødder. Dit blonde hår er uglet efter et forsøg på at rive det ud af din blege blødende hovedbund i frustration. Du skriger, men skrigene når ikke ud til nogen. Bare der var nogen der ville fortælle dig at det du prøver at flygte fra er noget indeni. Det kommer krybende op igennem din ømme mave på de mest uventede tidspunkter. Den kryber sig videre op til din hals og den kvæler dig så du bliver nødt til at snappe efter vejret. Du tænker, men tankerne er kun disse negative tanker som du så *** får når du er alene om natten under din ikke så varme dyne. Du kan flygte så længe du vil, men den vil altid være i dig.

jeg ved ikke om du ved
at dine gamle planter stadig står
i vindueskarmen
de bliver ikke vandet
ihvertfald ikke af mig
fordi hvorfor skulle jeg?
hvis jeg ikke engang kan vande et par usle, idiotiske planter
hvordan skulle jeg så kunne holde den voldsomme ild
der brændte inde i mig,
tændt?

Jeg savner din duft og dit smil
Og dit rolige blik
Dit nærvær der gjorde mig tryg og glad
Og dine varme knus da du omfavnede mig

Du dømte mig aldrig
Du elskede mig og du viste det
Jeg kan knap nok huske det
Men dine knus var perfekte

Du er her stadig men bare ikke hos mig
Hvor jeg ellers følte at du tilhørte
Men mennesker tilhører ikke hinanden
Og det ved jeg også godt

Jeg prøver at acceptere det
Og selvom jeg tænker på dig hver dag
Så er det ved at gå op for mig
At jeg heller ikke tilhører dig

Jeg tror at jeg har givet slip
Men inderst inde vil du jo altid være den bedste
Og jeg ville altid vælge dig frem for alt og alle
Også selvom at vi ikke har talt i flere år

intet kan plastificere mine
knogler som syrener
du kaster sten på glas og lyden
af det ødelæggende er på mange
måder tilfredsstillende
men noget inde i min krop synker
jeg skulle mene at det var
vand men det kan være svært
at tænke klart når
efeu kravler hen af overfladen
på mit kranie