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"incurred" poems
left my phone unlocked on the taxi’s back seat, won't be the last time called it a few times finally, the driver picked up he had a fare immediately after mine, and was now headed way downtown, and would call later when fate returned him nearer my office and so it came to pass, very shortly thereafter, we met on the street, he rolled down  the window and with the greatest smile of pleasure, as if he had won the lottery beaming, handed me my phone I had two $20's to cover any expense he might have incurred, neatly folded in my hand   and offered it right up, right away; but the driver repeatedly pushed my hand away as I insisted, saying: *"No sir, no no, not necessary! Allah sent me a fare that took me soon back close to you, so,   no loss of time did I suffer, so your offer is kindly unnecessary!"* to which I replied, *"exactly! Allah sent you to me so I could reward you!"* and with an equally, beaming smile I continued, *"our ride and meeting today, together was pre-ordained it was* Inshallah!" ^ something he could not dispute... or my knowledge thereof and it’s proper pronouncement, nor his amazement, to disguise!   we parted ways    each believing,    each receiving, a heavenly check plus, each, credited with a mitzvah^^ on our respective trip logs, our humanly divine balance sheets, kept by the single supreme taxi dispatcher
0
Jun 20, 2018
Jun 20, 2018 at 1:33 PM UTC
inshallah my cell phone
Partly darkened and part in light A time when the stars and sun shared the sky Bear witness to two behemoths wielding might Impending clash foreseen to go awry Two trains of thoughts charging from opposite ends Each bearing their own solid ideals Their flags that flew with conflicting brands Convictions they carry on beaten, weary wheels Almost an eternity, the time is soon Seconds lasted before they finally would meet Feeling of dread like the cloud covered moon With war cries of whistles, they would greet No possible way that they could miss War waged in steeled wills and forged metals Anticipate the moment, their couplings would kiss Unleashing a barrage of predestined reprisals Sheer destruction as they ate into each other All in tow haphazardly derailed A clash made of brute strength and power A result of when decisiveness had failed All was motionless save for the light of day The two lay dead; spent currencies in coal Fire and smoke had emerged from the fray Signifying that the two have met their goal Their cargo now freed, engaging in petty skirmish Lunging and wrestling as they fought for dominance Determination to overwhelm; never to languish Jousting fists fueled by pent-up vengeance Almost at end this long drawn battle Much like a storm to be patiently ridden out When the last of the debris should settle Then would be lifted the dusty veil of doubt The sun has now risen revealing the aftermath Shedding light on the devastation incurred Dark thoughts possess the most potent of wraths But nothing could beat the muscle of the written word Looking back I've realised the harm I've caused Found great solace in the dark words I've governed Life still hurls; it can never be paused Just dust yourself off for you're better off enlightened
0
Sep 29, 2014
Sep 29, 2014 at 5:14 AM UTC
Collision Course (III)
Partly darkened and part in light A time when the stars and sun shared the sky Bear witness to two behemoths wielding might Impending clash foreseen to go awry Two trains of thoughts charging from opposite ends Each bearing their own solid ideals Their flags that flew with conflicting brands Convictions they carry on beaten, weary wheels Almost an eternity, the time is soon Seconds lasted before they finally would meet Feeling of dread like the cloud covered moon With war cries of whistles, they would greet No possible way that they could miss War waged in steeled wills and forged metals Anticipate the moment, their couplings would kiss Unleashing a barrage of predestined reprisals Sheer destruction as they ate into each other All in tow haphazardly derailed A clash made of brute strength and power A result of when decisiveness had failed All was motionless save for the light of day The two lay dead; spent currencies in coal Fire and smoke had emerged from the fray Signifying that the two have met their goal Their cargo now freed, engaging in petty skirmish Lunging and wrestling as they fought for dominance Determination to overwhelm; never to languish Jousting fists fueled by pent-up vengeance Almost at end this long drawn battle Much like a storm to be patiently ridden out When the last of the debris should settle Then would be lifted the dusty veil of doubt The sun has now risen revealing the aftermath Shedding light on the devastation incurred Dark thoughts possess the most potent of wraths But nothing could beat the muscle of the written word Looking back I've realised the harm I've caused Found great solace in the dark words I've governed Life still hurls; it can never be paused Just dust yourself off for you're better off enlightened
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40
The tears he wept came from the depths of his soul Extreme anguish burning with fever Tears flowing like great streams of liquid fire One could feel but did not see there The immense torment, which brought about his tears And induced his fiery pain We did not know or even begin to ask Because we merely walked by, heads hung in shame Each one of us, quickly passed right by him Never said a single word While pretending we could not feel his fevered pain From the vast anguish he had incurred All our hearts, could feel, the fever of his pain From the tears we could not see Because we were all too afraid to look into the eyes We heard there weeping on the street
0
Aug 12, 2010
Aug 12, 2010 at 6:19 PM UTC
Afraid to Look
Almost made it to the state line. I was headed your way To give you a piece of my mind Because I've got a whole hell of a lot to say. I wanted to tell you How much it hurt When I finally knew That all my hopes were shattered. I wanted to scream So very many things About the pain I've endured And the losses incurred. I wanted you to feel The shame and loss and guilt I think should be forcing you to kneel And beg for forgiveness. But then I passed the sign That changed Central to Mountain time, And I realized I can't change your mind, And the words on my lips died. So turned my car around And drove the 6 hours back to town And home. And when I'd relayed What I had attempted today To a couple of friends I knew this was the start of the end Of me giving you Another thought, Another chance, Another moment of my time, Another place in my life. Do you know what they said When I finished my story? "Thank you for turning around. Thank you for coming home." And they're right, you know. I am finally home.
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Apr 5, 2015
Apr 5, 2015 at 3:53 PM UTC
a new Home
It simmers inside like a *** set to boil, this roiling bubbling never ending restlessness. Like a rabbit in the forest, seeming content for a time, yet never letting down the guard. Always alert, always watching, always ready to run. Fight or flight a way of life, there is no life without this strife. Content to be and sit and relax, claw my eyes out like angry cats. Punching holes in walls with fists, and screaming into pillow fits. Drinking drowning all it out, for false release and sultry pout. Use them up and toss them out, not what you were talking about. You knew you needed something there, to make this life seem somewhat fair. Nothing going right at all, this anger eating feed it’s call. growing green monstrosity threatening lives all around me with negativity. Bringing darkness to the light the shadowed soul of fight or flight. The angry red and growing pain is searing every dried up vein. Till nothing left but this monster, blinded slave to all it’s incurred. Anger never served it's master, turns the tables shackles of disaster, and satisfaction never gained by feeding what it thirsts in vain this rain of destruction all around never makes a life abound. The monster growing stronger still will hunger more and never filled and feed it though you might and try it will never ends until you die. Unless you take a sword of light and fight it with nobility and tell it truth and peace and love and right it with humility. It can be beat, it can be killed, it does not have to win. Surrender anger to the Lord, and turn back from your sin.
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Jul 21, 2019
Jul 21, 2019 at 5:16 PM UTC
Monster
It simmers inside like a *** set to boil, this roiling bubbling never ending restlessness. Like a rabbit in the forest, seeming content for a time, yet never letting down the guard. Always alert, always watching, always ready to run. Fight or flight a way of life, there is no life without this strife. Content to be and sit and relax, claw my eyes out like angry cats. Punching holes in walls with fists, and screaming into pillow fits. Drinking drowning all it out, for false release and sultry pout. Use them up and toss them out, not what you were talking about. You knew you needed something there, to make this life seem somewhat fair. Nothing going right at all, this anger eating feed it’s call. growing green monstrosity threatening lives all around me with negativity. Bringing darkness to the light the shadowed soul of fight or flight. The angry red and growing pain is searing every dried up vein. Till nothing left but this monster, blinded slave to all it’s incurred. Anger never served it's master, turns the tables shackles of disaster, and satisfaction never gained by feeding what it thirsts in vain this rain of destruction all around never makes a life abound. The monster growing stronger still will hunger more and never filled and feed it though you might and try it will never ends until you die. Unless you take a sword of light and fight it with nobility and tell it truth and peace and love and right it with humility. It can be beat, it can be killed, it does not have to win. Surrender anger to the Lord, and turn back from your sin.
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“Why seek the Living One among the dead?“ asked angels to a few who‘d watched the Lord be crucified—His blood and life outpoured, “He is not here! He‘s risen as He said!“ In days before these women wept in grief as Jesus‘ lifeless body, wrapped in shroud, lay buried, guarded, sealed from Paschal crowd, but by God‘s plan entombment would be brief! His slaying served full payment for the debt incurred against Himself by mankind‘s sin. His raising proved His sacrifice the win to satisfy God‘s wrath, my debts forget! Because Christ Jesus died but ever lives, the sin of all who trust Him God forgives!
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Apr 15, 2022
Apr 15, 2022 at 4:42 PM UTC
At the Empty Tomb (Sonnet)
i always wanted to be that girl too brilliant to resist too pretty to dis that girl that stops traffic walking down the street that's the pretty girl, i wanted to be and today i'm sure, that girl is me but turns out it ain't all it's cracked up to be cause i've learned about her life all her pain all the abuse how she'll never be a wife how you smile to her face while you stab her in the back twisting as you push in the knife i've watched her drag herself across the coals for your love beg for peace, like soaring doves cry for relief as she crawls down the street after your threw her out like an out of date piece of meat collectively flooding her world all those tears that she's cried all the disappointment that she's felt, for even having tried i've watched her fade away like that soul of hers that died the day you showed her you'd never love her for anything more, like her heart and mind so she jumped from man to man searching for the plug to stop up that hole you dug with rusty shovels and all your poisonous words words so sharp they cut instantly deep infecting her with your thoughts and beliefs just so those physical benefits you'd reap so you twist her thoughts of love and her worth and deceive her and make her feel less than dirt like the ground you walk on cause you walked all over her and your name's all over those scars she incurred you wanna hold her close and tight but only when it suits you right? then pretend that you don't know her this girl, she's been broken by the thing she thought she wanted she just wanted to be a pretty face that anyone would notice but a pretty face doesn't get you respect it just got her used he drew her in, and she loved him so she let herself be abused like a cloud covering the sky she'd fake it just to get by and she might just never try again, to look her best cause those days weren't her fondest when you could treat her such a way like the disposable pretty face of a women that won't stand for it another day so now when people to her say "..you're such a pretty face.." she can tell them all this story and how unpretty it really is in this place
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Dec 7, 2010
Dec 7, 2010 at 8:49 PM UTC
behind this prettyface
i always wanted to be that girl too brilliant to resist too pretty to dis that girl that stops traffic walking down the street that's the pretty girl, i wanted to be and today i'm sure, that girl is me but turns out it ain't all it's cracked up to be cause i've learned about her life all her pain all the abuse how she'll never be a wife how you smile to her face while you stab her in the back twisting as you push in the knife i've watched her drag herself across the coals for your love beg for peace, like soaring doves cry for relief as she crawls down the street after your threw her out like an out of date piece of meat collectively flooding her world all those tears that she's cried all the disappointment that she's felt, for even having tried i've watched her fade away like that soul of hers that died the day you showed her you'd never love her for anything more, like her heart and mind so she jumped from man to man searching for the plug to stop up that hole you dug with rusty shovels and all your poisonous words words so sharp they cut instantly deep infecting her with your thoughts and beliefs just so those physical benefits you'd reap so you twist her thoughts of love and her worth and deceive her and make her feel less than dirt like the ground you walk on cause you walked all over her and your name's all over those scars she incurred you wanna hold her close and tight but only when it suits you right? then pretend that you don't know her this girl, she's been broken by the thing she thought she wanted she just wanted to be a pretty face that anyone would notice but a pretty face doesn't get you respect it just got her used he drew her in, and she loved him so she let herself be abused like a cloud covering the sky she'd fake it just to get by and she might just never try again, to look her best cause those days weren't her fondest when you could treat her such a way like the disposable pretty face of a women that won't stand for it another day so now when people to her say "..you're such a pretty face.." she can tell them all this story and how unpretty it really is in this place
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65
By accepting the terms of this agreement, you represent and warrant that you have the capacity to love. Any similarity to a previous love is circumstantial; this love is not affiliated with other loves. We assume no responsibility for for the shortcomings of prior loves; we do, however, assume all responsibility for any loss, error, or communication failure incurred while in possession of this love. It is, after all, love. Love is available as is; no specific results are promised. If you are at all unhappy, you are encouraged to return love. If you find love to be damaged or defective, well, it's love. Slight imperfections are to be expected, and add to the character of love. Love may occasionally send you poems, letters, or declarations of its continuance. If you wish to opt out of this correspondence, you may cancel your account at any time. The service may be temporarily unavailable from time to time; this may be due to maintenance, or periods of reflection. It in no way implies or forecasts termination of love, unless specifically stated so. By accepting this agreement, you agree not to abuse love by acting in a manner inconsistent with the provisions listed above. (please say yes)
0
Feb 9, 2011
Feb 9, 2011 at 2:19 PM UTC
I have read and agreed to the terms of service
Mahatma gnaws at World War hungers Reincarnated forms of Wild West lungers Spatially realigning to a kosher and beloved state Krishna stands ignored, can’t help feeling irate Walrus tusks dig into the carpenter’s brow As an eight armed saint is revealed as a cow Scriptures packed and rolled, exhaled in suspicion Prophets praised for violence incurred, act of sedition
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Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 3:09 PM UTC
Hebrew Hindu Baptist Imam – With Some Jain Influences... Or Just Cowboy Dan
A simmering start- Unjust behaviour Or a broken heart. Angry transformation. Vindictive ambition. Infernal condition. Anguish and trauma. All incurred. Trespassed precinct. Animal Instinct. The wounded hath The curse of Wrath.
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Dec 23, 2012
Dec 23, 2012 at 6:45 AM UTC
Wrath.
1679 Rather arid delight If Contentment accrue Make an abstemious Ecstasy Not so good as joy— But Rapture’s Expense Must not be incurred With a tomorrow knocking And the Rent unpaid—
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1.9k
Rather arid delight
I stand defeated in my virtue, For the ones I cared for no longer care, In my misery lies some satisfaction, That they found, and with it, how to better fare. I stand defeated in my beliefs, For the ones I loved no longer love, In my mourning lies some relief, That they devour, like a mourning dove. I stand defeated in my conduct, For the ones that trusted no longer trust, And in my loss lies some salvation, That they incurred, and with it, friends rust. I stand defeated as a man, For my lover now, left betrayed, And in my grief lies buried my love, For her thoughts for me, forever mislaid. I stand defeated with my feet buried, For the ones, my dears, have gone afar, And in my defeat lies the truth, That they digressed, letting doubt ajar.
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Sep 12, 2021
Sep 12, 2021 at 11:37 AM UTC
Defeat
The moon can make your eyes burn from its brightness. God's Canopy of Grace. A lot of a good thing often makes you ache for more. We examine simplicity, Utter awe, incurred by a moment: Driving into the nothingnight The wind touching everything Two hands growing old and familiar Staying warm together Trying not to destroy the stillness. Along with fragments of the sky,      We             Fall,                    Golden. How is it, that the world has not stopped shimmering since we saw the moon drench the flatland? Your hand still in my hand Your eyes blink, often slowly. As they close, I yearn for them to open up to me once more, and glimmer with the warmth you've stored away inside your soul just for me. *Don't look away, even if it burns.* You speak love into the shadows Lights, again above our heads.   I'm always dazzled by light when you're around. We pray for things like peace, and discover that God's been giving it, all along. J. Alfred Prufrock had it wrong: *The universe begs to be disturbed By love like this.* Letting the wind and moon and the stillness press upon us. We are infinite. And a little dizzy. Hope expands in our chests          So many birds scatter the sky. We are Walton, Nebraska: A normal surprise, God's whispered secret about beauty covered in the moonlight, heard only by the wind that pushed us together.
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Feb 24, 2013
Feb 24, 2013 at 5:39 AM UTC
In Walton, Nebraska
I write of wrath, of rage and anger, And murderous thoughts towards my betrayers. I write with vigor and blood-lust, In violent tempests, if I must. I write of the madness she incurred, In piercing fury, my heart concurred, For solid as a rock it shows, And red with rage my aura glows. I write of indifference, my violated persona can take only so much hatred. Await me filling my soul with black, Dark things as though there was ever a lack. I write of the tolerance I have left, For a loving patience of me was bereft. In faces around me, I wish them only death, My thought: I wish not the same air in our breath. I write of the fires of my flaming hate, The lack of gall in the events of late. I no longer know how to remain humane, in a state where anger drives one insane.
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Aug 16, 2015
Aug 16, 2015 at 8:01 AM UTC
Writing Wrath
There’s a noose around our necks to drive out feeling, To **** the sweetest instincts planted deep within our souls. It’s too hard to feel, it hurts too much, so **** it – Replacing it with lust so that we think we are alive But we have lost it. I think therefore I am?  So said that Greek man. Someone could likewise reason that “I feel, therefore I am” It’s a possible conjecture but the suffering incurred Is overboard , impossible, I cannot cope with that. I’ll take the substitute. This lust gives me to think I’m feeling something, Be it money lust, drink, drugs, or sexuality or things. Somehow, though my ego escalates, I’m feeling grand, But my relationships are failing, flawed, I cannot understand – I’ll take the substitute. I’m at the bottom of the pit.  I’m on the outer.   The substitute has got me.  I’m in isolated rink. It’s living hell.  My friends are gone, and everything is bad. I cannot cope with this.  I need some love. There’s none around. I’ll take the substitute. I’ll take the substitute. I’ll take the substitute. I’ll take the substitute. This is hell. God, where are You? “I’m right here.” “I took the substitute.” "I know." "It's finished me." "I know." "Help me." “Will you take Me now?” “I sure don’t want the substitute any more.” “Will you take Me now?” “Yes.” “You believe Me now?” “Yes.” “Do you believe that I love you?” “Yes” “Do you understand, I did the substitution for you?” “On the Cross?” “That’s it.” “I believe you.” “Do you trust Me in all respects?” “It’s either You or the other substitute?” “It’s either Me or the other substitute.” “I’d rather trust You.” “Come then.  I love you.   Walk with Me and I’ll restore your deeply broken heart. You are My child. Draw ever closer, never to depart. Revive yourself in Me.  My Words will give you back your Life. I’m your blood brother, at your back when problem scenes are rife. My Spirit, Truth, empowers you in strife.”
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Jan 27, 2014
Jan 27, 2014 at 10:21 PM UTC
Deep Calls to Deep
There’s a noose around our necks to drive out feeling, To **** the sweetest instincts planted deep within our souls. It’s too hard to feel, it hurts too much, so **** it – Replacing it with lust so that we think we are alive But we have lost it. I think therefore I am?  So said that Greek man. Someone could likewise reason that “I feel, therefore I am” It’s a possible conjecture but the suffering incurred Is overboard , impossible, I cannot cope with that. I’ll take the substitute. This lust gives me to think I’m feeling something, Be it money lust, drink, drugs, or sexuality or things. Somehow, though my ego escalates, I’m feeling grand, But my relationships are failing, flawed, I cannot understand – I’ll take the substitute. I’m at the bottom of the pit.  I’m on the outer.   The substitute has got me.  I’m in isolated rink. It’s living hell.  My friends are gone, and everything is bad. I cannot cope with this.  I need some love. There’s none around. I’ll take the substitute. I’ll take the substitute. I’ll take the substitute. I’ll take the substitute. This is hell. God, where are You? “I’m right here.” “I took the substitute.” "I know." "It's finished me." "I know." "Help me." “Will you take Me now?” “I sure don’t want the substitute any more.” “Will you take Me now?” “Yes.” “You believe Me now?” “Yes.” “Do you believe that I love you?” “Yes” “Do you understand, I did the substitution for you?” “On the Cross?” “That’s it.” “I believe you.” “Do you trust Me in all respects?” “It’s either You or the other substitute?” “It’s either Me or the other substitute.” “I’d rather trust You.” “Come then.  I love you.   Walk with Me and I’ll restore your deeply broken heart. You are My child. Draw ever closer, never to depart. Revive yourself in Me.  My Words will give you back your Life. I’m your blood brother, at your back when problem scenes are rife. My Spirit, Truth, empowers you in strife.”
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53
Staring downward Listening intently to the next curse Intent on you Wailing Reverse peristalsis Rugurgitation of a steel keg Incurred by you Swallowed Eyes dilated Fixed by an insatiable mind Allowed by you Clarity Senses ****** Pharmaceutical entities flood the brain I love you Baby
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May 13, 2010
May 13, 2010 at 8:46 PM UTC
A Drug Timeline
She swallowed his words with ease, allowing the harsh, unpalatable words slip into her, without any jarring to her senses. She fears the day of lashing back, from all the pain incurred. A cycle unable to be broken; Wish. Pray. Dream. Everything you learn to do as a little girl, a little child. They were failing on her. Not noticing one thing that might make that difference, faith. Something she lacked all her life. Faith in her wishes, prayers, dreams. Faith that she can spit out his words, blend them to grinds, insignificant as they will always be. She wasn’t strong, pretending to not feel pain. She wasn’t strong, allowing those harsh, unpalatable words sit in her mind; untouched, creating a home for corruption, wasting away her insides. She turned towards faith. Faith, allowing the harsh, unpalatable words build up coal inside, not hesitating to spark fire, and lash his soul into frenzy. Faith, making her wishes, prayers, dreams never fail again. Faith, bringing out strength she never knew she had.
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Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 1:30 PM UTC
Strength Manifested through Faith
harbouring virtuousity,  curious to express exhibiting,  she firmly held the pen to jot down the mystic emotion, the exquisite dream oblivious of the mounting stress pouring the dissipating words recklessly fading confused up wit unable to sought down, the oblivion of sleep knew not what to indite unable to contemplate the very dream but thoughtfully only was such the fuddled sapidness the psychic images ; a subtle dream dreary eyes thirstily awaited till the very amnesia faded for the sole muzzy feeling,  this the only manifest suffice the unenviable question whence crept the feeling? whence the love aviate? where rested the answer? sudden diaphanous streak stroke sorely to the pounding wit paralyzing her for the moment being the sudden egest whatever the persistent burden gone for now them thoughts voyaged operosely beyond the abyssal pupil now dwelt the glamorous face, snowy heavenly dress..   the very words ; euphoric conversation lasting gentle tepid touch that had dourly crept and haunted throughout the delusive night... penned down finally incurred peace
0
May 30, 2013
May 30, 2013 at 1:32 PM UTC
seeking the oblivion of sleep
how bad can a good girl get? that really is the question. ; it always starts with the apathy. it quietly slips itself in, the same way that you don’t really notice the sun setting until suddenly you look up and the sky is almost black. it sets into everything it touches like smoke to damp clothes or blood to a white bedsheet. eyelids get heavier and exhales get deeper. fingers and toes turning into sticks of chalk on a pavement; messy, incoherent patterns left in their wake; every little thing; the small talk, the feigned interest, the reproachful gaze of worried friends and the number of hours taken to muster up the will required to go for a shower. all of it, all of the time wearing away at her chalk hands and feet; gradual erosion followed by the sharp snap as the pavement encounters a wall. dusty white remnants tell the stories of her efforts on the concrete. like breakable stick of chalk in the hands of a child, it wore her down and down and away and away. broken chalk; baring a striking resemblance to what may be incurred if a heap of bones were to be finely ground into a delicate powder. and that is what the apathy feels like. like the process of gradual grinding and erosion until nothing is left. ; then comes the disassociation. as in, if my head starts to feel anymore spaced out will nasa try and recruit me for their next mission? as in, did i just spend three hours making intense eye contact with the ceiling or did i imagine all of that? it’s the hours spent wondering if they would love you more if your ribs and hip bones were threatening to burst their way through the skin, or, if really, you are as inherently unlovable as rain clouds in july. vacant eyes and hollow words, almost doll-like. but at the same time not at all. dolls are beautiful, adored; useful. it’s addictive, feeling lost and empty i mean; if everything feels like it doesn’t really exist, and you haven’t showered in three days then do your obligations to the world still exist? if my head isn’t here then what else actually remains? but this is how you learned to survive, you learned to hold your own mind and dress your own wounds. she’ll treat you the way she wants someone else to treat her; that’s why she always wants to make sure that you’re alright. because no one ever asked her. and that, is how you know that it is getting bad again. but really none of it happens in that order or in steps; actually, it happens all at once, but isn’t that a lot harder to fit into a blank word document?
0
Apr 6, 2018
Apr 6, 2018 at 1:55 PM UTC
chalk.
how bad can a good girl get? that really is the question. ; it always starts with the apathy. it quietly slips itself in, the same way that you don’t really notice the sun setting until suddenly you look up and the sky is almost black. it sets into everything it touches like smoke to damp clothes or blood to a white bedsheet. eyelids get heavier and exhales get deeper. fingers and toes turning into sticks of chalk on a pavement; messy, incoherent patterns left in their wake; every little thing; the small talk, the feigned interest, the reproachful gaze of worried friends and the number of hours taken to muster up the will required to go for a shower. all of it, all of the time wearing away at her chalk hands and feet; gradual erosion followed by the sharp snap as the pavement encounters a wall. dusty white remnants tell the stories of her efforts on the concrete. like breakable stick of chalk in the hands of a child, it wore her down and down and away and away. broken chalk; baring a striking resemblance to what may be incurred if a heap of bones were to be finely ground into a delicate powder. and that is what the apathy feels like. like the process of gradual grinding and erosion until nothing is left. ; then comes the disassociation. as in, if my head starts to feel anymore spaced out will nasa try and recruit me for their next mission? as in, did i just spend three hours making intense eye contact with the ceiling or did i imagine all of that? it’s the hours spent wondering if they would love you more if your ribs and hip bones were threatening to burst their way through the skin, or, if really, you are as inherently unlovable as rain clouds in july. vacant eyes and hollow words, almost doll-like. but at the same time not at all. dolls are beautiful, adored; useful. it’s addictive, feeling lost and empty i mean; if everything feels like it doesn’t really exist, and you haven’t showered in three days then do your obligations to the world still exist? if my head isn’t here then what else actually remains? but this is how you learned to survive, you learned to hold your own mind and dress your own wounds. she’ll treat you the way she wants someone else to treat her; that’s why she always wants to make sure that you’re alright. because no one ever asked her. and that, is how you know that it is getting bad again. but really none of it happens in that order or in steps; actually, it happens all at once, but isn’t that a lot harder to fit into a blank word document?
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Net Present Value **NPV can be described as the “difference amount” between the sums of discounted future inflows and outflows. It compares the present value of something today to the present value of that thing in the future, taking into account, "discounting" for inflation and returns into account. Something now is more valuable than later on, because it can invested to make more.** the value today of your self, the future discounted for all you have yet to learn, yet to earn, the mistakes, the losses, yet to be incurred. netting the modest successes now past, of long ago, against the sum of too many failings as father and son, poet and man. time is short now, nearer to the end than many streams of new inflows. the discount rate: looking in the mirror, this presence, this who I am, the what I be, adding in, subtracting out, the inflation of dreams, + / - the deflation of disappointments. yet, compelled to do, iterate daily, the calculation of who, never-ending, continuously solving for my own net present value. http://www.mathsisfun.com/money/net-present-value.html
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Nov 1, 2013
Nov 1, 2013 at 5:46 AM UTC
Net Present Value
I write still to show The flaws I've corrected Before I must go Here's some I've perfected I’m breakable bones My weakness is real You can crush them with stones But my spirit is steel I've howled depressions With lone wolf confide I've roared at oppressions With lion king pride I rose unforgiving From indifferent graves To haunt those unliving As apathy's slaves I council with silence Keep quiet rapport With deafening violence Of thoughts waging war I’m pop country's menace Funk you profanity Spit-venom vengeance And breakdowns of sanity I’ve sung innuendos Love's chorus revised By symphonic crescendos Two beats harmonized I’ll never stop trying To save this blue sphere Our mother is crying Apocalypse tears I move hyperactive My sprinting brain sped Beyond the distractive Outrunning my dread I’m tempests emerging Typhoons kept at bay And now my storm surging Will blow you away I’ve fearlessly gazed Upon Grim's complexion The hell that was raised Was just my reflection I channel my hate As my anger stream grows Into rivers irate Then tranquility flows I form nations in clouds Above law and border No star-spangled shrouds In my higher world order I’m heat-seeker lines Poetic napalms Metaphor landmines And ticking rhyme bombs I've warped my perceptions And force-choking grips   And Death Star conceptions From jedi mind trips And I’ll leave you assured My defense will not yield Until peace is ensured And these wounds have all healed Incurred as the ward Of my muses concealed Now commanding a horde Of the furies revealed I have severed accord With the fates I have sealed   I've matured and endured On this life battlefield With this pen as my sword And this pain as my shield For I am the lord Of the words that I wield
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Jun 5, 2016
Jun 5, 2016 at 1:31 AM UTC
A Writer's Eulogy
I write still to show The flaws I've corrected Before I must go Here's some I've perfected I’m breakable bones My weakness is real You can crush them with stones But my spirit is steel I've howled depressions With lone wolf confide I've roared at oppressions With lion king pride I rose unforgiving From indifferent graves To haunt those unliving As apathy's slaves I council with silence Keep quiet rapport With deafening violence Of thoughts waging war I’m pop country's menace Funk you profanity Spit-venom vengeance And breakdowns of sanity I’ve sung innuendos Love's chorus revised By symphonic crescendos Two beats harmonized I’ll never stop trying To save this blue sphere Our mother is crying Apocalypse tears I move hyperactive My sprinting brain sped Beyond the distractive Outrunning my dread I’m tempests emerging Typhoons kept at bay And now my storm surging Will blow you away I’ve fearlessly gazed Upon Grim's complexion The hell that was raised Was just my reflection I channel my hate As my anger stream grows Into rivers irate Then tranquility flows I form nations in clouds Above law and border No star-spangled shrouds In my higher world order I’m heat-seeker lines Poetic napalms Metaphor landmines And ticking rhyme bombs I've warped my perceptions And force-choking grips   And Death Star conceptions From jedi mind trips And I’ll leave you assured My defense will not yield Until peace is ensured And these wounds have all healed Incurred as the ward Of my muses concealed Now commanding a horde Of the furies revealed I have severed accord With the fates I have sealed   I've matured and endured On this life battlefield With this pen as my sword And this pain as my shield For I am the lord Of the words that I wield
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It seems these antihistamines Are causing reoccurring dreams For every time I go to bed The same old scene is in my head Like the one where all my teeth fall out As I sit and pluck them out of my mouth This one causes a lot of strife For I've had this dream my entire life So I searched for answers everywhere And this is what they had to share The native said it signifies Remorse I feel from telling lies Which I guess would be appropriate I tend to say things I regret So I went to see a medium To trace back where this all begun We tried to get mister Jung But as the Latin rolled off her tongue To our surprise Before our eyes Stood the spirit of Sigmund Freud Claiming I need *** to fill the void A conversation I'd rather avoid Needless to say we ended the spell I gave her my paycheck and bid farewell And as I exited out to the street I almost hung my head in defeat But the natives words came back to me Bringing a sudden epiphany It occurred to me as I was walking I really need to just stop talking. Perhaps I'll be a silent monk To help me get out of this funk But that just sounds absurd I can figure out how this problem incurred I don't need to see a therapist Or invoke a psychoanalyst   I will just continue on my quest Until I obtain some dreamless rest I'm sure I can find the connection By immersing in more self-reflection So when I go to bed tonight I'll study my dreams with all my might!!
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Jan 27, 2016
Jan 27, 2016 at 4:46 PM UTC
Dream Schemes
This path, overgrown with briar and brambles, Thorns and nettles strewn in disarray; A loathsome path of broken dreams, and yet, Willingly I walk it each day This path that hurts not the feet, but the heart, Where roiling streams overflow their banks, And burning cinders comingle with ice -- An affirmation of Life's cruel pranks! What is it that prompts my unwavering steps? The love that greets me at journey's end! The ghost of a love lost so long ago Leaps boundaries only love can transcend What pain I endure to savor love's bliss! On this path, blazed by temerity, I fly past the graveyard of ill-fated dreams To a love that defies mortality How weary I've grown trying to understand Why such perfect love incurred God's wrath; And now all that's left are the memories That await me at the end of this path
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Jun 28, 2023
Jun 28, 2023 at 1:17 PM UTC
This Path
You had a black cat and a tiger cub Equal in size, equal in ferocity. All silk fur and knife teeth- you said they were just playing But they bit and scratched only me. Scars incurred were real. You experimented, scientifically, with my childhood belongings In the back of our broken down truck. You didn't know they were mine. We played chess, us and another Someone unimportant enough to forget, I suppose Since I already have. There was a scandalous edge to it. Something dark, dangerous. Exciting. You made me a promise when you took my queen. I couldn't quite understand what it was. Later you played basketball, alone in the dark You car headlights providing the only stars. I followed you Found you playing horse, a sad game alone. There was electricity in the air Waiting to shock someone. Waiting to shock us. You were about to say something magnificent.... If only I could return. If only I could hear you say it. If only I could escape the felines for good.
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Aug 11, 2010
Aug 11, 2010 at 8:05 AM UTC
a dream, with easily decoded symbolism
I look back to when I retired most of life till then perspired put foot to rear and not get fired incurred recurring tasks till tired. Work every day, enduring each for sixty five years to reach a one in two chance beseech one dozen left to enjoy the beach. Though now there are long naps to take avoiding chance lest body break choke down pills and limit cake extending time for old times' sake. So retire thoughts that make you wait make the leap, don't delay fate take anew each day, each date moment to savor, cherish, create!
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Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018 at 11:56 AM UTC
Retire