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Karijinbba Jul 2018
I STILL EXIST- I STILL EXIST
My pen writes
I still Exist

and an empty feeling engulfs me
I am painting a purple tree
I tell my family counselor
That the paint reminds me
Of arsenic Greek cheese dust
That a human predator
two faced fiancee
placed on my green salad in 1976
He said he would teach me how Greeks killed with love at sea
Then kindly offered
To bring
breakfast and lunch
for me in bed
(Ladden with poison)
While I ate it he danced Zorba the Greek!
His jealous raicist medeas mistresses knew his past crimes
I didn't I was very naive
his superstitious ignorant parents twelve people  asked him to Get rid of me baby and all

Overdosed with pitocin for a cow
giving birth was a torture
then blood thinners
were added to slowly
end my life
A hate crime because I a sub human born in Mexico not Greece
The poisons caused
a chest malformation of my daughter requiring surgery
later in life was mis-diagnosed
as pectus scavatum
but I knew better it was
attempted ******
a chilling secret I was so ashamed to reveal

I did escape my kids and me
we survived  the memory
of my true love's loving ways
In America saved me from certain death there I was 75 lbs
When I escaped Hell
Greece
But salads gave me
Nausea through the years
I could never recall why

Painting gets my mind
Off painful memories
resurficing examining my life understanding me and others

I have many regrets unwittingly
my loving innermost feelings
remained trapped inside
and I lost my true love
in my dead calm silence of pain
Foolish online Ink
One involuntary bad deed
In Veracruz
Two SAD songs

My shrink says I have a beautiful
Soul a relentles spirit
That I managed to do better then
Most despite hellish adversity
A childhood marred with
heartbreak a trail of
Graves tree stumps
Coffin and treassures
Spirit breath of life and death
  
My hybrid race was secret
Poverty lack of Rhogam
My father the Apocalyto
Hero killed by MEX Feds
Who stole my Land
We are indigenous
Purhepecha tribe
The enemy of the Aztecs
So me my father's little queen of the forest his STAR could
Fly high and zoar
He was the love of my life
My dad David

A few days of effexor RX can bring about amnesia to block old kidnapping memories of turture resurficing unsolicited
Effexor to stop tears
regulating serotonin disrupted
After a car accident with traumatic head injury concoussion brain swelling so much that falling asleep for three months was impossible

MD prescribed just a trial
few warp eight mind bending Effexsors serotonin reuptakers
For only fifteen days
Half of thirty seven mg
Tears stopped immediatly a calmnesss
self assured old me demeanor
re-emerged I remember the arsenic and blood thiner injections the faces of sadistic jealous women but it didn't hurt

But soon my heart began to speed up so fast I could hear it beating in my ears at lowest dose

so the higher dose was not allowed.
Side effects if used longer than six months could make the
face to twich! who needs that!

So therapy ended slowly redusing small to smallest dosages for fifteen days
treatment ended
Don't like messing with my brain

Today I enjoy simple pleasures
echos born like me in
In the atlantic mystery

family time my lifetime best
best lover best Mother
nest friend to me myself
Remembering those few
Souls
Who deared greatly
their wisdom and foresigh to bet
On my future my light myself!
my father's little
Queen of the forest tribute to
My Once Upon A Time
True love his love songs
His poems quickening me
Awaking me
He was the love
Of my life my true love JPC/RC

He showed me he loved me
But he never could "tell me"
He loved me all my fault
Thinking back not ever
any other man told me
he loved me one or two boys wanted something from me freely given or taken by force from me
I didn't want them at all
No person growing up
Ever
Told me they loved me and most showed me my life didn't matter
many of my civil rights were violated throughout my life by thugs hainas had more charm
Only my father David San chez
and later my adoptive Mother mommy dearest told me once she loved me showed me she cared.
My children tell me and show me
They love me
Sometimes they hate me too
sadly they are under the spell of deadly sterile drug user enemies who assassinate my character lie and slander me to my grown daughters and I have now become estranged until they figure all out on their own so they learn to fight woolves in sheeps clothing and understand treason
and ungratefulness towards their own mother
There was only one man I loved
The MOST on this whole wide world
His ink scripted love remained the good intermigled with evil
Forever a part of me
My Lord Shiva my first teacher
My sage my guru
My Lancelott
Me  first love my last love
my tree of life he was
The only man I ever loved
and lost
Looking back
I thank G** King Jesus
King Arthur
And few other men who
Traveled in and out my door
Only one had my lock's key
I am glad you came along
I sing this last song
In memory of all the good
The bad and very bad
The few nefarious vipers I kissed
I forgive you all forgive you me for NOT
Understanding you
For loving those fellowmen
Who didn't know how to love me back
I wave my last
Good bye
I
Will
In your light and my own
Pray for you and me

As for the love of my life
"You are like a prayer
In church to God"
"I remembet you,
as someone something
VERY DEAR and precious"
You were the Best
You touched my STAR
And my starry skies sparkle
With your light remember me
in the same light my love
Look me up with your telescope
When you watch the stars
From your sun roof
In your bedroom

Find my Aries Constelation
For there is
My home
Without
You
I've taken with me a piece
Of Veracruz
A Mothers Day surprise
at the Hilton
raised in your arms on a warm June at a  bar
Where i felt like a bride
your bride

I almost asked you then and there to throw a big party
for you and me
But the monastery's dead silence
Growing up isolated
Silenced the spontaniety
Of thought you required of me
yet again!You regressed me you
tried in so many ways for me to
tell you  "I love you I am sorry
I'll marry you!"
All over again
I adored you remember this
Always.
Look me up with your telescope I AM
in The Aries Constelation I am Aprils daisy Aries diamond a
Yelow Self Existing Star says the Tzolkin Star Seed
Galactic seed always flowering....Enter me
Yours Always.
~~~~~~~
Revised 11-29th-2018
Excerpt from my memoir
auto biography
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
It is ******* when a child is being abused everday for no reason other then there born. If you dont want children. Heres 2 ideas dont have *** or if u do use a ****** and birth control or adoption. It is no fare to a child being abused for there parents lack of protection or chioces. That child has a right to live a good life. The child will do anything for one person to touch them in a postitive way. To feel loved cared for and nertuerd the way all children are suppose to be treated. There is a difference between spanking and abusing your child. 1 you dont leave marks. 2 You do it out of love not hate. 3 You tell them you love them after you spank them. "You dont cuss or tell your child you are a **** of **** go to hell I wish you were never born you are a mistake" you dont abuse your child its wrong and illegal when you do abuse your child and say those things they believe you because they dont know who else to believe other then there parents. They already wish they werent born when you abuse your child. They want out of the abuse but they dont know how so they stay. So when they grow up they either commit suicside become alcoholics, drug addicts or become abusive to there child or children. It is ******* that people adults watch this and let it happen. Even if you are not sure ask the child. The child might want to tell you but cant. The child will tell you because no child wants to be abused no child. If they dont get the help they need they will struggle there whole lifes over there abuse. Tell someone immediatley so they can get the help they need immediatly before its to late. Some even die for there parents the parents will stab them shoot them or beat them to death. Then when you did know about that child being abused you will feel guilty for not going to anyone about that child. So STOP CHILD ABUSE before its to late. Stop them from bringing abuse into there family. They may abuse there children because they were never taught how to disapline there child right. So the adult that abused when younger will " disapline" there child or children the way they were taught by abusing them. Its not right to let this go on not only is it not right but its sick to let it go on. STOP CHILD ABUSE now by telling someone if you know someone is being abused or even if u have a slight idea. Stop them from beong a concrete angel. Another peace ofstone on the ground.
Karijinbba Dec 2018
I could say it to his face
all I felt like calling him
good or bad and he smiled
and immediatly I purred.
We even made a wtitten promise
of such enviable love
yet, we didn't put it in practice.

All stressed a Mom deceived battered threatened,
I parrot phrased to him his evil woman's cursing my MOM birthing me, and I lost him
He forgot his old love letter
free speech oath to me.

My ancient king of hearts continued brewing my twenty year old wine in a barrel of heartache and pain leaving me behind amnesic, and death calm.

My Angel ran brewing an older woman's wine
in his bed married to her
wedding band
and in cellar her wine next to mine.
Running from her many a time leaving her with a cold marriage contract handy
while his heart and brain remained ever ONE with mine.

As her personal lubricant got dryer and dryer it was harder for my beloved to be intimate with the ugliest lawliar twoface snake
surgically enhensed
drug user insignificant other called wife.
And as her hatred malice greed and jealousy blew, out of proportion so did her nasty brew on Outer Limits Twilight Zone
along with a breach of his trust
in her,
spoiling her own brewing wine to a nasty bitter moldy vinagar.
Yet to him all her potions remained ever secret
hidden behind smc sunflower smile, daughters and son used
to blindfold her selfish agenda.

Ever so covertly taunting cursing showing hate to me and my children was her banner.
Smc threatened us
by e-mails behind his back.

Blindfolded unoticed all went 
his alcoholic stuppor was foe.

No justice he could brew on either of us yet my wine remained gold fit for kings
but susy viper apropriated it as her own
killing our free will dreams and promises of old.
My wine brewing pure gold
and his other woman smc's covertly brewing hatred where he held her in high regard.
There can't be peace without justice! BEGIN HERE!
if you ask where!
No peace he bestowed upon
his death calm, silenced slandered beloved Karijinbba!
he left behind...Me

Assassination of character is a method lawliars use to
succeed treachery stealing my perfectly aged wine and man

fooling my weary king of hearts
Jpcrdd

I felt so distant and small so,
I let his black hole crooked seol stich anchored to his drunken down free will and bank accounts
JUST HAVE IT ALL!

My dearest beloved deserved that ugly viper for being such a low self esteem coward!
blind blndfolded drunk *****.

And I changed my name to
"Amazing Grace"
~~~~~~~~~~
Angelina San-Gutier..is my birth namefor short
(April, 16 10;30 AM.)
~ my Perupecha tribe, Mex~
and my wings Bba=Ginny
5-19 -legally given by a judge
as a witness protection's new identity (not that I was hiding any deceptions.)
~~~~~
By; Karijinbba
All R. R. a memoir excerpt.
Have you been been so heartbroken by the insensitivity of the one you loved that you rejected who you loved the most in this life??

Have you ever been hurt so deeply that you deprived the object of your devotion of everything they ever loved the most to gain in you and from you?
It happensnto passinate firely lovers
like us..but I never **** to hurt anyone.
I LOVE LIFE!
if I didn't I would be
six feet under earlier.
I have a flower, in a vase, sitting on my window sill
There are no other flowers on my window sill
        Just a rose.
This rose is special,
It hasn't died since I picked it.

The life of this rose depends on me.
No other flowers can exist on my window sill,
No other flowers can fit in the vase.
Just that flower, in that vase, on my window sill.

Walking through a garden, I see another flower.
Better than the rose in some ways,
but not in others.
      This flower is a lily.
My heart immediatly begins to tear in two.

So now I face a dilema.
Pick the lily, or let it die.
Keep the rose, or let it die.
Either way, one must die.
And I am stuck between two beauties.
I need a flower, in a vase, on my window sill.

So I delve deep.
I think broadly.
I remember something.
My favorite flower is an orchid.
I have a feeling my orchid is in a distant garden,
waiting to be picked --
       by me.
This orchid will be
My flower, in my vase, on my window sill.

And so I can live with the outcome of the lily
      or the rose
And I just hope they don't die
that someone else's favorite flower
     is a lily
     or a rose.
Because I know that something is going to happen
that will bring me closer to my favorite flower.
So I must be patient.
And just wait for
My perfect flower, in my perfect vase, on my window sill
Riot Mar 2015
I am a scenery
to be looked at from afar

when you're on a balcony looking out to new york
your eyes immediatly go to the buldings with the pretty lights
not even thinking about whats within them
and you're last glance is to the darkest spots
but if you looked at them closer you'd realize they count the most

and no matter how far to the edge you will be
you'll never be close enough to really look at me

you will never see the inside of my buildings
nor walk the dark spots in the depths of my mind
there was a time when i could call myself beautiful

*just look at all the pretty lights
the billboard saying "be who you wanna be"
but even if you're at the edge of your seats
you'll never get close enough to a scenery
Mason Feb 2019
I am, I think, the last survivor of my kind. The arc ship had chosen the wrong sun for our new world. Or maybe it was the right one. Either way. A solar flair had destroyed us. By some fluke I was in my space suit on the far side of the ship doing a final exterior check of all system on what was supposed to be the eve of our landing day. Or maybe is wasn't supposed to be. Either way. I had seen everything around me engulfed in flames as I was accelerated away from everything I had ever known at impossible speeds smashed against the renforced rib of the hull that somehow protected me from the all consuming fire. I say it was a solar flare but I don't really know. It's just the best conclusion I can draw from the evidence given. And I have had lots of time to conteplate it. My space suit contains its own air scrubbing ecosystem that will provide me with a breathable atmosphere indefinitely and whos little bacteria happily march their dead into my stomach keeping me never full, but never malnourished nor starving. My species had only developed such overbuilt bioengineering after it was too late to save our drained and polluted home world, but we had it on the ship.

We were supposed to do better on the new world. Or maybe we weren't supposed to. Either way. I would lie against this chunk of wreckage and watch the hideously slow procession of the stars. As I hurtled through the universe, away from the nothing that remained from the nothing that I had know and towards new nothings that I had never seen before.

Either way, empty space is all the same and doing nothing is a drag even without the time dilation from the ungoddly speed one can attain when propelled by an angry star. It truely is a miracle that I am even alive. If you can call such a thing a miracle. Like I said, when taking to the heavens for our long journy, my people did it with sturdy stuff, but still, whatever force that hit us destroyed everything else. If anyone else did survive, their fate would be similar to my own and we would be getting further from one another by the moment, so it didn't really matter anyhow.

Before you ask, no, I couldn't just take off my helment. My people had instaled suicide prevention measures well before the launch. People tend to get depressed when confined to a ship, much less a spacesuit. My people knew this.

I prefered to lie with my face on the rib looking to my right. That way the left half of my vision was consummed by the dark mass of the rib as my right half, while mostly darkness contained a particularly bright star as well. By watching it inch toward the rib I was able to maintain some semblance of a sense of time passing. Then, one day, I saw a second light. I saw it wizzing pass and I could barely believe what my eyes told me it was. A shoulder mounted light on another space suit. And in it, I assumed, another person.  I hadn't moved since I had made it out of sight of the explosion. After what felt like days, it faded into the black that surrounded me, and I , resigned to my fate had laid down on the chunk of wreckadge and not moved since. But now, my body started up with a fire before my mind could even think to do next. I scrambled to the edge of the rib and I could see their light floating away from me. I hesitated for a moment. I have always been the type to hesitate even if my previous movement would suggest otherwise.

Then, I did it. I swung myself onto what had once been the interior side of the last souvenir from my ship. I planted my feet on it and I pushed with all my might. I demanded that my atrophied legs explode with all their remaining strength and then some. I pushed away from the last piece of everything i had ever known and pushed myself into the vast emptiness. The light seemed to slow in its escape, but it wouldn't be enough to catch it I knew. If I didn't do something immediatly I would spend the rest of my days watching it move further away from me.

I didn't have to do anything. A rocket propelled teather launched past me and again, with out though my body reached out and grabbed it. My mind realized that as soon as the teather ran out of slack, the tension would rip it from my grip, so I clamped it to my utility belt using the built in vice grip. It wouldn't let go for any force less than an exploding star. When the teather did run out of slack, the deceleration was so jarring that I thought it would break me.

The other creature and I fell into orbit with one another. The centripetal force created an artificial gravity. While the reintroduction of force upon my body pained me, feeling the grip of gravity against me was bliss, even if it was just an illusion.

And this is where you find me, spiraling in tandem through the universe with my companion. We are different species and share no means of communication. It is likely that we were born millenia apart, but time means little in our vacuous relm. We tried to pull ourselves closer together, but the increased rate of orbit made the endeavor sickening as well as exhausting. Though we had no language between us, we agreed that it was best we maintain our distance.

When you're alone in space, there is no point of refrence for movement and acceleration except ones self. As such, from my partners perspective it would have appeared that they stood still while I hurtled pass. But the truth is that they hurtled toward me and saved me from the broken prison of the rib. I don't mind them seeing it as such, but I smile in my knowing of the truth.

And so we tumble through the universe as close together as we can manage. Which is all one can really ask for anyhow.
Heav Sep 2014
I crushed my heart against a blank page.
And I watched as the bare white of the page disappeared
behind the thick layer of maroon I smeared.
I composed a symphony
that consisted of every sound that had ever resurrected a grim memory.

I sought solace in pain, it was the only constant I had ever known.
I had intended to perform this song for her.
I had hoped that she would find comfort in my pain
the way I found comfort in her rapid heart beat.
So I silently chanted what I had prepared while neatly folding the sheet.
I am sure every fold is symmetrical, just before stuffing it into my pocket.

Our eyes met and my insides collapsed as she stared into me.
I fumbled to grasp my confessions.
But once I held the creased sheet before her, stabbing me with silence
she swiftly made her way to a desk and burrowed her head in her arms.

Immediatly after lifting her head she began to scribble furiously.  
Her pen bled onto the paper
and
I watched her mind melt onto the page.
How effortless I thought.
BILLYtheKidster Jul 2010
"Quien es? Quien es?" Billy called out into the dark.
He then heard the sound of thunder and glimpsed briefly a faint spark.
A powerful force struck him and spun him around.
He then found himself face down on the floor.
There was extreme pain within his chest as he struggled gasping his final breath
and then BILLY the Kid was no more.
Pat Garrett would gain power, money and fame for the killing of BILLY the Kid.
He shot an unarmed young man in the dark without warning.
That's all Sheriff Pat Garrett did.
Garrett ran out of the room nearly tripping himself over the bed.
If it was The Kid and he missed he knew he'd be dead.
As he fled out the door into his deputy he ran.
"I just shot The Kid! I just shot The Kid!" he exclaimed again and again.
"That wasn't The Kid," said his deputy man. "Garrett, you've gone and shot the wrong man."
Jesus Silva and Deluvina were the first to arrive at the scene
to inquire as to what all of the noise and comotion had been.
"I just shot The Kid," is what Garrett said.
"Could one of you go back into the room to check to see if he's dead?"
"Go to hell Garrett," is what Jesus Silva said.
"You went and shot him. You check to see if he's dead."
Deluvina however immediatly went into the room to see what she could never un see.
She slowly approached the lifeless form on the floor.
She knealt down, turned him over and gasped in horror at who she saw.
"Is he dead?" Garrett asked. "Is it The Kid?" he asked again.
Deluvina rose to her feet and lounged out at him.
She violently pounded her fists on Garrett's chest
as she screamed the vilest curses she could bestow upon his head.
She wanted to scratch his eyes out of his skull.
She wanted him suffering. She wanted him dead.
Garrett's deputies and her friends tried to pull her away from him
but even with their combined strength it was a task difficult to employ.
Interspersed between her tears, Deluvina Maxwell cried out to all who could hear,
"They've killed my little boy!"
Billy's body was then carried to the carpenter shop
and carefully laid down on top of a table.
Lit candles were placed surrounding The Kid.
The village then held an all night long candle lit vigil.
Women and children, the old and the poor,
even manly men were seen openly weeping,
as they all walked by giving their final good bye
to their fallen young friend now eternally sleeping.
"Duerme bien, Querido" or "Sleep Well, Beloved" are the words that were engraved
on a small wooden cross that Deluvina Maxwell placed at Billy's grave.
This would be the first of many visits she would pay to The Kid.
She would visit him well into her senior years.
Many times she would be seen kneeling down at his grave
with her hand on her heart and often in tears.
Perhaps it's just me but none of this appears to be
the treatment of a feared and hated outlaw.
The feelings expressed by those who knew him best
were feelings of mourning, of loss and much more.
A wanton killer? An unconscionable human being?
BILLY the Kid was none of the above.
All who were his friend displayed it on the night his life did end.
Billy Was Someone Who Was Very Much Loved.
And so, close to midnight, on July 14th in the year of 1881,
William H Bonney was shot and killed, compliments of Pat Garrett's gun.
Pete Maxwell's house is where BILLY the Kid became Billy the deceased.
Billy, may your reckless and restless spirit finally
Rest In Peace.
Jann Flach Jul 2019
As I lay in my bed in this dark room,
the silence is wide awake , my mind too.
My thoughts immediatly go to you,
every moment of the day until my eyes grow so heavy
and my body is at full peace.
But still you are there in the back of my mind.

You are just like a piece from heaven,
so beautiful and unreal,
but your kisses taste like desire and trust.
Stevie Ray Aug 2014
When you first come to this place, you would probably forget where you are heading. Golden Gates, clear blue sky, laughter. Birds flying way up high. A kind man greets you with a smile. His bright blue eyes sparkle a bit and he tells you, you can enter. You step through the gates and  there's an Angel waiting for you. The experience and sheer aura of this Angel makes you slightly bow down you head as you witness purity itself. Only then can you imagine what it must be like to meet Him. Because no matter how you look at it there can't be someone more pure than Him. He greets you with a warm smile. His eyes shed a faint pure light. His halo made of white pure light, a beacon you now know was there when it was dark. Mezmerized, almost smitten you just stand there, realising how small you are. The Angel calls you by a name you don't recognise and he noticed it. The fear you feel of telling him what your real name is, is almost to great to bear. To stand up against such a higher existence, a being probably thousands of years old and still so young. When you're about to stand up for yourself, taken a moment to gather the courage, he apologises and says that he calls you by your Soulname. He explains that you lived nearly as long as he did and that every soul here has a name of it's own. He also says that it's time to follow him. He guides you to a palace and after a while you enter a room. Inside this room there's a halo shining a bright white light. It draws you in, you don't notice the Angel closing the door behind you. The White light goes out and the first thing you see is the eyes of your new mother.

When you first come to this place you would probably forget where you are heading. At least for some, there's only one place for me to go. Upon witnessing the Golden gates I look both left and right and see the Golden fence stretch infinitely. I look up and see the birds flying, I let my eyes adjust at the distance for a moment. The birds are trying to fly further up, but they can't. Open Air prison is what comes to mind. I walk towards the gates and see Petrus, he greets me. Behind his blue eyes there's a sparkle of madness. He tells me to go on through as I walk past him an Angel greets me. Welcomes me home and calls me Axle. Images flash by of my hundreds of previous lives. Lives where I always stood up for people, always helped them and loved them. I look back at the Angel and greet him. 'It's been a long time Earos'. He tells me to follow him and he guides me to the palace. After walking for a while I enter a room. Inside of this room is a halo shining a pure white light. It instantly moves above my head and with it i've lost my individual way of thinking.

*When you first come to this place you probably forget where you are heading. At least most people would. But not me, no Sir, there's only one place for me to go. As I look at the Golden Gates I'm kind of confused, inside the golden bars I see flames being contained inside them. I look up and see birds flying. I try and look better and I see them flying further upwards. Why would they do that? The birds suddenly dive and increase their speed to the point where they burn to ashes. Suicide? I walk to the gates and see Petrus. He greets me with a grin and whispers 'welcome home brother'. I ignore him and proceed past the gates. An Angel greets me, his eyes pure white. But I can still smell the fear mixed with a bit of sweat. Right before he tries to call my Name I immediatly regain the memories of my past ten lives. Lives filled with ******, madness, abuse,fraud,greed,envy and every other sin and crime I commited. Right before he calls me my name I scream SILENCE! Don't you dare speak my name Axle! I look him right in his eyes, he's silent. Now, take me home. When we enter the palace gates I start to feel strange. Uncomfortable, itchy and sweaty. I enter a room, inside it there's a Halo shining pure white light. When it moves over my head I grab it and smash it on the floor. The lights go out, pure darkness envelops me. The first thing I see is a throne with a man sitting on it. I look around and all I see is wasteland burning, broken buildings, cruficixes burning. The man welcomes me leans forward and says the following: Zacharias or Zac, good that you're here. I've been waiting for ten years to meet you, to meet the Left hand of God. With these words spoken the rest of my memories unlock, a time of where I was an Angel. Suddenly forced back into the world of living only to commit sin and ******. I'm shocked and take a step back. Lucifer says he has an explanation for what happened. Ten years ago, right after I got sent back a few Angels managed to seal God in his room using unholy methods found in lost and sealed chapters of the Bible from Hell. Lucifer explains that he made me commit sin for ten lives in order for me to get in Hell and escape their trap. He asks me for help because sealing his Archenemy upset the balance of the passing of Souls. And it's something that needs to be rectified. I agree to help him and with agreeing an Old War has resurfaced.
I said a plane ticket from me to you
wouldn't cost too much.
You asked me about another ticket,
"how much would one cost to your heart?"

I knew immediatly right then and there
you didn't just have a ticket,
you had the deed,
unlimited access to my love.

Now I have to be honest with myself,
do you actually have such a hold?
I'm thinking about this long and hard.
Of course! To you, my heart is sold.

So now I sit here waiting
for the time he can claim what is his.
My heart will forever be waiting
for that one, life changing kiss.
Nicole M Grubbs May 2012
I Used to be an artist,
a painter that could only portray beauty.
I hung my paintings from the walls of my dreams,
for it was the only place I could find inspiration.
Canvases covered in the finest of oils,
depicted scenes of love at its best.
I once created a man and a woman,
overlooking the ocean from the top of a cliff.
From there they could see the rest of their lives,
and every wave outward was promising.
But in the way of their future,
was a wall of brown, jagged rock.
These waves that held their goals and ambitions,
were reaching their peaks and crashing upon the wall.
Although the risk was evident,
the man held the woman by the waist,
as she was around his neck.
I was enfatuated with my own creation.
Lost in the skin where my colorful thoughts lay.
When I broke free of the lucidity of my dream,
my attention was brought to the floor.
Here laid scattered sketches of the false beauty.
I reached down for one that caught my eye,
but was immediatly induced with fear.
The sketch was in black and white,
and it appeared to duplicate my painting.
It was of a man and a woman,
the same as the oil on the canvas.
But the woman had fallen off the cliff,
with what seemed to be a hole where her heart should be.
And the man was walking in the opposite,
with a still beating heart in his back pocket.
The paper slipped from my lifeless grip as I stood from my seat,
only to realize I had been sitting in blood.
I fled towards the door in search of light.
Little did I know that it was nowhere in sight.
The door flung ajar and my senses captured the salty sea breeze,
and my eyes were transfixed on the ocean.
*This was the first and last poem written to me by the love of my life, even after we broke up and made amend after amend after amend. He has a new life again in Florida now. I wish he didn't forget me. I wish he would come home. I love you Mathew.
Lara Oct 2017
Today I decided to be happy
So I woke up immediatly after my alarm clock went of,
wore my yellow polka dot dress,
made funny faces in the mirror while brushing my teeth,
ate breakfast untill my bely was full,
tried to smile at every stranger
and hummed along to my favourite song.

But it didn't work
for I was not happy in my soul.
It was still there, in the back of my mind,
how you kissed her
as if you were drowning and she was the oxygen.

I will never get to lose that sight.

l.h.
TheLeaflessTree Oct 2017
I woke up,
at 1 am,
my mind,
immediatly plagued,
chaotic thoughts came to play,
deppresing ones also festered,
what can I say?
a troubled thought,
for a troubled guy,
how do I endure,
these consistent nights of woe?
At 1 am,
I think of you,
and suddenly,
the thoughts vanished,
with your stare,
and with your laugh,
my mind,
found peace.
Sirenes Mar 2016
I remember the first time
I layed eyes on you
The cracks on your body
Were right there
It was like you wanted
Me to see them
On some level

I saw nothing in your eyes
And I was immediatly drawn to you
Yet I saw no indication
That you felt it too
It was never in your eyes
But it must've been somewhere
Since I heard the exchange

"Did you know she was here"

"no man!"

My heart leaped
But then I saw more than
I could handle
Couldn't get that stupid smirk
Off my face for a week
Couldn't approach you
Any other way
Than the way I did...

But then I was drawn in to a pit
And seemingly you put it there
That's what it looked like:
A trap
A trap for humiliation
And shame.
But in hindsight
It all looks like a big accident.

And I guess I don't blame you now.
Just wish I could read your mind.
Just wish I could leave it behind.
And I do assume that you did.
But then why do I keep running in to you.
On street, in my head, in my dreams.

You left a trace within me
And never even flinched.
Need to put this past me, like yesterday.
Martina Nov 2018
I love and I hate it,
This prolific sadness of mine.
I love being prolific,
I hate being sad.

Yet, I wouldn't just stop at writing,
I'd like to cry, talk, scream.
If I talked,
I would turn either into an overflowing river
or maybe in a silent, grey stone.
What I feel cannot be conveyed
with words.

In this moment I'd kiss whoever crossed my way,
abruptly,
just to beat him to death immediatly after.
I need love,
I need destruction
in this moment.

The only thing I can think of
is my nakedness,
it costed me lots,
I wish I never gave it away like that.
t's all wrong,
all too embarassing.
too fast,
horrible.

I was right:
What I really am is not good.
I am not entirely sure myself of what is is.
I found unknown parts of my being everyday,
I'm not who I thought I was.

Maybe, I'm not.
justme Dec 2018
when i look into your eyes
my heart beats a 1000 times in 1 second
when i feel your hand in mine
or anywhere on my body
my cells explode in fireworks of extascy
and your beautiful smile is all i can see

when i hear the sound of your voice
my stomach pulls together  to let go immediatly
Letting go of all the butterflies, very silently
and while they fly away
all the useless, worrying thoughts rise up too
following the butterflies into nowhere
and all that is left is my blisfull mind wondering how it is fair?
for someone to carry a voice like yours
and silently i whisper to myself: 'heart please beware'
Paula Putnam Jul 2019
I couldn’t believe my eyes. As I was heading home I saw people gathered outside. I didn’t know what was going on. I heard sirens in the distance and started to sprint home. As I watch the fire rise, I begin to push my way through the crowd. People were screaming that someone was still in there. I reach the front of the house, and realize how bad it truely is. I begin to rush towards the inside breaking free from the grips of those holding me back. I open the front door and am immediatly blasted back from the flames. I hear people screaming as I weave my way through. I hear the cries coming from upstairs, and they’re lit in flames, but I go up them anyway. I reach my sister’s room, already burnt and can’t breathe. I break through the door and get thrown back again. I get back up. I rush into the room finding a bedsheet and carefully wrap my sister in it. I pick her up and she yells because the dog is still in there. I quickly wrap the dog as well and pick them both up. I run straight through the flames making my way through the hall. The steps are completely in flames, and my thinking was off and I decided to jump off the banister. I land the wrong way on my leg, and I hear it snap and cry out. I get back up, even in the pain, with my sister and dog and rush through the house. I arrive at the front door. I hurry through the flames and down off the porch. I rush through the yard and lay down my sister and dog and unwrap them. I walk a little away, and collaspe to the ground. The last thing I hear is people screaming and running toward me.

— The End —