"idont" poems
iTs Difficult To Live Mylife,
The Struggle.
The Problems iHave And Keep Creating.
Not Knowing Who iAm
Being A Drug Addict Who Cant Seem To Stop There Bad Habit.
They Say iTs Easy You Just Want To Want iT.
Not iF You Fallen So Low, left All Alone.
iM Deep iN This **** Deserve To Be 6ft Down To Rest.
iTs The Best.
For Everyone.
iM Doing Nothing But Disappointing The Ones Taking There Time Trying To Support Me.
Wasting There Encouragement Not Knowing iWont Last Long Before iUse And Fall Back in
The Same Cycle All ******* Over Again :/
iTs Very Sad, To Continue This.
Been To Many Places Yet Nothing Changes,
iM Tired And Overwhelmed .
Why Am iUsing Now?
iFeel Lonely.
This Drug Fills Everything Up inside Of Me.
This is The Reason Why iWent Back To iT.
Before iT Was Cause iLoved The Effects And Kept Trying To Get High Asf Like My 1st Hit,
Then Lead To Me Going At iT Cause
My Body Felt Like iT Couldnt Function Off iT
Which Made Me An Addict .
Loving And wanting To Always Have iT.
Before iT Was Great,
Nobody Knew.
Then they Found Out The Truth.
Ever Since Then Ive Been Living Daily On Lies Having To Hide iT, Denying im On iT When Clearly iTs Obvious.
Chemicals Messing With My Mood ,
My Mind Now Plays Tricks On Me. Dont Know When itl Be Over Cause iDont think il
Want To ever Be Sober.
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 2:54 PM UTC
iUsed To Be A Dope Dealer .
**** Turned On Me, Now im The Dope Feind.
Mary Jane Used To Be My Main its
Insane, Now iGot Methamphetamine
iN My Veins.
& iDont Give A ****** **** iLove
Them Stronger Drugs
iDont Take Em To Avoid Problems.
iCan Solve Them.
iDo iT For The High & Them
Dialated Eyes.
Can You See That iM Krazie
****** Up Mentality Since The Age
Of 13.
iGet Twisted So My Life Can Look Unrealistic iGot That Sick Sober High
My Times Quickly Passing By.
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 2:30 PM UTC
iWant To Be Set Free.
Away And Cured From This Addictive Disease.
iWant To Be Happy, iWant To Actually Smile
iWant To Be Able To Feel
iWanna Laugh And Enjoy Life
iDont Like Being Addicted
iDont Like Using And Tweaking No More
iWant To Quit
Sober Up Entirely
From My Health And Mind
iWant The Angel Back On My Shoulders.
iWanna Do Good
iWanna Succeed And Become Somebody
This Drug Always Seems To Get The Best Of Me
To Fall Easily
God Give Me Strength And Strong Wings
Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 5:32 PM UTC
iM Clean.
But iM Struggling. iBecame An Addict A Sad Hopeless Dope Fein.
iM 9 Weeks Sober & Every Day iS A Battle & iDont Want to lose.
iTs Becoming More Frustrating As My Clean Days Rise
instead Of Feeling Proud, im Feeling Down. Afraid il end up
throwing All those weeks to waste
Like Before. Then Feel
Useless And See All ive Done Go down the drain and
Start My Addiction all over again.
I Wish My Beloved
Ones understood. That its Hard for me to change from bad to good
im not used to it, im
Afraid to change but believe me ido but im so unsure of
What to do.
Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 5:18 AM UTC
People Assume iTs Addiction.
The Reason To My insane thoughts
And Actions, is because of
The Substance.
Saying iM Confused, Slurred out
Living unrealistic
Out of it.
Making Stupid Decisions
Saying They Can Help Fix Them
Oh Really? Well Your Wrong.
My Love For Dope is
Too strong and realistic.
Also Has The key To my Death Wish
Provides Me With
Everything iEver Wanted
Just iN 1Line 1hit.
iWill Continue Using This Drug till
IDrop Dead.
Dont Argue With Me Saying
"Thats What All Addicts Say"
Ican Stop but idont want to
iDont Fein For Tweak. Like iHave
Said A million times
And still noone comprehends
This is The Reason
Im Still living.
Found A Reason to love myself
Makes me happy
Without iT? Im rowdy Yes, its affecting My
Image, brain and body.
Dose iT Look like iGive A ****
iTs Killing me slowly
Thats the point
Idont want to live. So i chose a slow
Death.
People around me **** up
My high
Gets me upset cause i just wasted
A hit
That puts me in rage.
Point iS iWont Stop , nomatter what
You say.
Or type of treatment you think
Is best and have hope it changes me
me to not
Smoke dope. Nope! My mind is set
Dont you get it yet?
Never will iregret iCould careless
About my family relatives &
Friends.
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 5:10 PM UTC
I'll say it time and time again,
I love you.
Iloveyo
Ilovey
Ilove
Ilov
Ilo
Il
I;
Until I become alone and dead again.
I;
In
Ine
Inee
Ineed
Ineedy
Ineedyo
I need you.
Your presence gives me desperation.
I love you.
Iloveyo
Ilovey
Ilove
Ilov
Ilo
Il
I;
Even though I know you don't think of me;
I know that "I love you" for you would be;
I;
Id
Ido
Idon
Idont
Idontn
Idontne
Idontnee
Idontneed
Idontneedy
Idontneedyo
I don't need you.
Sep 4, 2016
Sep 4, 2016 at 2:55 AM UTC
I'm Craving Meths Euphoria flow
I'm Sorry Baby
if your reading this But I can't resist to hold this thought in.
Knock knock
It's My Dealer At The door
delivering a Fat sack of
Crystal Rocks
Drop Some, Cut it, line it
One Line
Snort it Fast
Crushed Up Well, Burns like hell
Sniff After Sniffs
Eyes Turned Glossy, Shred A Tear. Seconds later
Felt the Drip Tingle
Down my Throat bitter taste
One Line Two Lines
I'm Beginning To Feel Heightened a sense of Pride and Self Worth Very Confident Awake and Alert.
One Line Two Lines Three Lines
I'm Feeling Amazing, energetic, Talkative
One Line Two Lines Three Lines four
I feel As if I Own And Accomplished Everything in This Word.
Unlimited Happiness all in Just
One Dose.
One Line
I Fell In Love With Its Every Effect.
I forever want to feel this way
One Line Two Lines
IDont Ever Want to stop I'm sprung
I want to continue on
One Line Two Lines Three Lines
I'll Keep Using, it's so strong Fantastic iDc if iOver Dose
One Line Two Lines Three Lines four.
I want More I Need More.
Nov 21, 2014
Nov 21, 2014 at 6:37 AM UTC
I Used to Doubt
But Now I See and believe
You Really Love me.
Alll the Things You Have Done
Have made me feel lovely
i Dont deserve It.
iDont Know How your still Around.
Lack Of Maintaing Clean
Havent Been quite focused.
I see you understand me and help me control this.
im Sorry for all the wrong ive provoked, You deserve
so much more.
Mar 5, 2015
Mar 5, 2015 at 3:51 PM UTC
All these missed opportunities to work at the coolest places,
All these missed chances to hang out with the nicest faces,
All these redundant choppy negative records playing in my head spaces,
Because of my letdowns,
I'm always stuck in between two places,
To stay or To go, to say yes or to say no, to hide or to show,
Which place to go?
Jun 1, 2013
Jun 1, 2013 at 2:52 PM UTC
iDont Think
iCould Continue On
ILove Him So Much, But Seeing Him Face To Face
Just Reminds Me Of How ive Done Him Wrong.
The Feel Of Guilt And Shame
How iWish iNever Tried Drugs.
The Reason
To Most of Our Conflicts.
im Laying Down
Emotions Just Tipping Around
Thinking For A Solution
IFeel i Should Just Set Him Free Because All I've Done
Was Just Disappoint Him
Hes Honestly
Better Off Finding
Another Girl Rather Than me
Iv Done to much
I Feel So Bad
And Don't Think il Ever Forgive Myself For The Lies i Made Him Believe.
I Don't Know How To Express How Much pain
Im Actually Feeling .
Knowing My Lover Now Sees Me Different
And i know he has lost feelings.
How i Regret
Not Being honest from the very start.
Nov 22, 2014
Nov 22, 2014 at 2:45 AM UTC
iSmile, iLaugh, iHug
Deep Within Me its All an Act.
iFroun, iScream, iCry
Deep Within Me iTs What iFeel
Why Do iFeel Empty?
They Tell Me iHave Everything
A Family, Wealth, Support
iKnow iKnow iKnow
They Say What More?
Idont Know, iDont Feel Alive
iFeel Souless, No interest, lifeless
What Do iWant? What Are
My Needs? To fullfill these Depression Thats deepining .
Sep 23, 2014
Sep 23, 2014 at 4:09 AM UTC
Ive Been in 3 Different Residential
Rehabs & 5 Outpatients.
Sadly, Neither Have Worked Because
iM Out Here Doing The Same Thing.
Finding How To Get
A Dope Fix.
iDont Want To Go back
Hate the past experiences but iknow
iNeed iT Urgently.
Should be recommended Mandatory
iNeed Major help before
IEnd up losing my self again
Im in the middle. Before i get
Stuck once again.
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 3:13 PM UTC
iT Haunts Me
Gives Me Nightmares
iHate iT
Why Me? iDont Find iT Fair
Then iT Reminds Me
Its because iTook The Dare
Cause iTried iT
iLiked iT, Loved iT
1Hit? iGot High And
They Call iT Lit. iGot
Addicted.
4 Years iN This Snorting Smoking Shooting This Clear
Dope **** Went to rehab didn't
Help. iDidnt Want iT
Didn't Ask For it, all i seeked for was to take a hit.
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 6:40 PM UTC
Will iBe Strong Enough
To Stop,
Im Sober Already
But
Temptation Creeps
Blinds me
Will i be quick to say no if pulled out infront of me?
iWanna Stop but iStill wanna use
At times Idont know what
Iwant.
Sobriety or the highlife...
Sep 22, 2014
Sep 22, 2014 at 1:14 PM UTC
When iDont Seek iT
iT Seeks Me
Now That iDont Want iT
iT Finds Ways
Finds Ways To Make iTs Way
To Convince Me
To Say Yes Once Again
But im Strong
iKnow iM Not, But if i Try To believe
Maybe itl bleed through
That i Can Beat iT.
Sobriety
Oct 3, 2014
Oct 3, 2014 at 3:23 AM UTC
iSay iM iNlove
With The Substance, Then Switch
Up and Say iTs Disgusting.
iDont Know What
iFeel For iT. iM Bipolar When
iT Comes To iT.
At This Point iN My Life iTs
The Only Thing
That Keeps Going Threw Life
With A Smile
On my face
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 6:32 PM UTC
Even Though IDont Want
the Drug.
it Still Roams
still Comes Along
makes Me Feind
without me Even Thinking About iT
iHate it
How This Cycle Just Makes iTs Way
it Makes Me Sad
believe me, iDo Try Hard
to Not think about it
let it come to my mind.
but it just makes its way to my brain.
im tired of this.
Sep 21, 2014
Sep 21, 2014 at 11:50 PM UTC
The Struggle Of
Being Dependent On A Substance.
Especially Stimulating Wise
Is So Difficult
My Negative Emotions Are What
Lead me to wanting to
Go and use.
To Get Away Relive
My Weaken Mind.
By Taking The Stress worries racing
Thoughts away
Dissapering Up in smoke
The Sad Feeling,
Every Time iFeel Blue
A Reminder Pops Up remembering
iHave A Cure to turn to.
Numbs Me All Completely
Since im addicted, idont get that first happy feeling, like idid in
The Beginning.
Makes All my pain and misery leave
Yes iknow, temporarily
As iConsume, its consuming
My Natural Happiness Permanently.
Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 3:42 PM UTC
Am iReally Done With This vicious
Death Cycle? Or
Will it Still Continue As My Sad Lonely Days Get Longer. iDk About it
iDont Plan To Relapse
But My Emotions And negative thoughts Are 1 of my triggers & There Getting Stonger, idont want to continue being a failure.
iJust Want to have the full power to battle All my frustration
And anger. To Help lower my depression and blue feels. iJust Hope iDont Fall, im tired of
Living The Addict life
Sep 19, 2014
Sep 19, 2014 at 3:51 AM UTC
I just curl into a ball.
And freeze under the rafters.
I can't grab the words I need,
To release them between,
My teeth,
And stop sinking,
Below the frosted air on the ground.
The crown of my heads busted and broken,
Into fragments of love I'm reduced to splinters of glass.
I cut my throat with them to see if I hurt.
Idont.
I need to be bounded with leather.
Heart skin crocheted into "Another" heart.
Atrial to carotid,
Her hand to mine.
Just give me the digits of your finger,
And I'll give you the life of my voice.
In volumes of poem.
I still will be that little boy shivering, convulsing, and scared in the floor.
With block wings in the stone.
You will still be a life saver given to me as a cyanide pill
in my teeth.
Sides of the cheek.
Press.
Display death in my face.
Then be released with pain.
Needing no savior.
Only an outlet for talk.
I quit writing.
To quit writing is the concept.
The concept is happy.
Happiness is the end cause of the deceased.
Mar 17, 2013
Mar 17, 2013 at 11:26 PM UTC
I can't sleep, though my eyes are weary,
I can't eat, though my stomach is empty.
I can't dream, though my mind is restless,
I can't think about nothing but you.
My muscles clenched and aching,
My heart throbs fast and strong.
the fear that i could lose you,
makes my body cry out in pain.
I'll try desperatley to hide it,
I'm not as strong as you,
though i try.
Lifes not worth living,
without you by my side.
The night whirrs and howls,
calls to me,
but i stay hidden.
I don't want what i used to,
My future dosn't matter,
unless its with you.
Do you want other people?
Just make the hurting stop,
What did i do wrong,
to push you away?
Just tell me that you love me,
That you can't live without me.
Even if your lying,
I'd rather nto face the pain,
the truth,
not tonight.
Shh; wait for the sun,
Idont want to wake up.
Let me lie here,
Warm in your arms.
Kiss my wouds,
Heal me,
Stop the pain.
Be the one i need most,
My heart is breaking.
carry me through,
You promised me you'd keep me safe from pain.
I trust you,
I love you,
I need you,
I dont care past is past.
She wont have you,
Not while i still need you.
I always will,
Will you?
Jul 4, 2012
Jul 4, 2012 at 4:21 AM UTC
I'll say it time and time again,
I love you.
Iloveyou.
Iloveyo
Ilovey
Ilove
Ilov
Ilo
Il
I;
Until I become alone and dead again.
I;
In
Ine
Inee
Ineed
Ineedy
Ineedyo
I need you.
Your presence gives me desperation.
I love you.
Iloveyo
Ilovey
Ilove
Ilov
Ilo
Il
I;
Even though I know you don't think of me;
I know that "I love you" for you would be;
I;
Id
Ido
Idon
Idont
Idontn
Idontne
Idontnee
Idontneed
Idontneedy
Idontneedyo
I don't need you.
Sep 4, 2016
Sep 4, 2016 at 2:55 AM UTC
I gotta bed full of wonders and and room full of silence.
Idont know why but it drives me crazy,
It's like I'm tired of this place and I just wanna move out already..
I'm tired of earth
I'm sick with myself
My room is silent it never speaks what the hell?
And sense were talking bout hell that's the only place I don't wanna go.
My prayers is the only thing that talks to me in this room.
I'm ready to go
I'm ready to move
Is it cool if I was over there with you?
I'm really thinking now and I'm own the edge my chair,
I'm not looking but when that door open I'm out of here..
I just pray I'll be grounded and it will all work out for the best, that I won't be a nusense but a brother something like a heir.
Sep 1, 2014
Sep 1, 2014 at 10:36 PM UTC