On the deck of the HMS Randalls
Were sorry array of antiques
They would amble about in their sandals
To a chorus of ominous creaks
The crackle of bone upon gristle
With a litany grumbled above
Just give them the slip
If you feel a grip
Like a handful of dice in a glove

In the galley of HMS Randalls
Where the tables were ******* to the floor
There’s a chef with a dwarf where his leg was
He was bombed in the Argentine war
If you ask him about his ‘prosthetic’
He just winks and he taps on his nose
But the dwarf will admit
That they make a good fit
And a noteworthy total of toes

At the engines of HMS Randalls
With her overalls smeared with blood
Stood cannibal kind of mechanic
By the name of Veronica Spud
Her hunger has never been sated
Or her eye been the source of a tear
Her teeth have been chipped
Into screwdriver tips
And a spanner protrudes from her ear

On the bridge of the HMS Randalls
Sits the captain, Geronimo Spent
His unblinking and pallid expression
Say he left but he never quite went
But he puts on his hat and his jacket
He fastidiously logs his report
With a secondary list
Of the passengers kissed
As he figures that life’s too short

**

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This poem is dedicated to the memory of Admiral Albert "*****" Potter who displayed amazing bravery by wearing full drag through several major sea battles.  He was cashiered for insisting the Admiralty rename his ship HMS Butch instead of HMS Fearless. In fact the vessel was eventually renamed HMS Damp **** because it was full of ******.

A life on the ocean wave, **!
In the olden days of sail
When England's ships were proud and brave
And their crews were very male.

The Captain stood upon his bridge
Looking smart and flash;
But below the decks, the orders were
*** and *** and the lash.

The bosun went to the main gunroom,
**** Deadeye at the ready;
Initiation time had come
For little midshipman Freddy.

"Strap him o'er that cannon, lads!"
Roared the hirsute fellow,
"Gag his mouth securely, lads,
In case he tries to bellow!"

The sailors did as he had bid -
Refused and they'd be punished -
And they knew their turn would come
After the bosun had finished.

The bosun went up the poor young lad
And soon was going strong;
Midshipman Fred looked rather pained -
The Bosun was THICK and LONG.

Then came the turn of the other men
And they set to with a will;
Little Fred could not say no
Until they'd had their fill.

What a life our sailors had then,
Always singing shanties;
When men were men and big and butch
And cabin boys wore silk *******.

A life on the ocean wave, **!
With the rolling sea and the spray.
Sinking the Frogs and murdering Wogs
Kept England's sailors so gay.

OLÉ!  OLÉ!  OLÉ!  OLÉ!  OLÉ!  *OLÉ!

If only for peace his swan song sighed

Amidst the gallant yet frightened few

With weary bones a heavy heart

Beat might when spied the resilient wharf.


For ships who berthed they uttered words

In thanks for land upon this sea

As storms would rage to shatter strengths

In triumph our pier had welcomed thee.


Like those who’d trod its solid beams

And left these shores to honour King

Behind them stood our naval borough

Whose people echoed valiant deeds.


For ships that harboured off our shores

And streets of London that prayed for calm

Forget we not our honoured task

To protect this land in air & sea.


And now that candles gently flicker

Uniting friend & foe as one

As doves fly by we thank the heavens

For the peace that grows upon our cliffs

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-                    Rusting hulk                             -
Monolithic reminder of gargantuan struggle
-               Tombstone of war                          -

…These men are worth your tears:
You are not worth their merriment.

-Wilfred Owen, “Apologia Pro Poemate Meo”

When that loudmouth on the wireless machine
Alludes to Western Civilization
What does he mean? Paradise Lost? Probably not
Nor Saint Paul speaking on the Field of Mars

The Kalevala, Hagia Sophia
With its pendentives lifting up our prayers
Horatius fighting to defend his bridge
And Wilfred Owen dying bravely on his

Lord Tennyson and Idylls of the King
Chapultepec, Henry V, Becket
The paratroops at Arnhem, Saint Thomas More,
His King’s loyal servant, but God’s first

The Stray Dog poets of Saint Petersburg
The brave last stand of Roland at Roncesvalles
Lewis and Tolkien and glasses of beer
Montcalm and Wolfe on the Plains of Abraham

Hildegard von Bingen, Siegfried and the Rhine
Magna Carta, HMS Hood, the Thames
The Grove of Daphne, “The Old Rugged Cross”
Beatrix Potter and her little pet rabbit

El Cid, Anne Frank, John Keats, Saint Benedict
“I Have a Dream,” Dostoyevsky, and Greene
Viktor Frankl, Dag Hammarkskjold, and Proust
Good Chaucer’s naughty pilgrims telling tales

The Gettysburg Address, Willie and Joe
Stern Saint Augustine of North Africa
Wodehouse writing a jolly bit of fun
Saint Corbinian and Bavaria

The ancient glories of Byzantium
Pius XII contra the bombs and lies
The 602nd TD Battalion
Saint Joan, the Prado, and Robert Frost

And far, far more.

When that loudmouth on the wireless machine
Alludes to Western Civilization
What does he mean?

After leaving port
in March disguised
as the Norwegian freighter Rena Norge,
the Leopard set sail
its mission to disrupt
Allied commerce.
On the 17 March it was stopped
in the North Sea by the cruiser
HMS Achilles and ordered to proceed
to the boarding vessel
HMS Dundee
for inspection
Heavily outgunned
Captain
the raider's commander
Hans
von
Laffert
had no option
other to proceed
to meet
the boarding vessel.
Captain
Selwyn
Day
of the Dundee
dispatched
a launch containing a boarding
party
with an officer and five men
to investigate
the mysterious ship.
Hans
von
Laffert
realizing he was about to be discovered detained the party and after about an hour opened fire on the Dundee with a salvo of two torpedoes.
The steamer manoeuvred out of the way
barely in time
and the torpedoes missed
Captain
Day's
ship by twenty feet.
Day ordered
his guncrews
to open fire and a hail of shells struck the Leopard
damaging a gun
and setting fires.
The Achilles hearing
the sound of gunfire
returned to the scene and opened fire
on the raider as the Dundee withdrew.
Shortly after
the Achilles's arrival
the Leopard sank with all 319 hands
going down
with the ship.
Damage to the British
vessels was light
and the only casualties consisted of the six boarding party members who were trapped in the Leopard when it sank.

Battles never end well for one side,
In the Begging, it was the British who took the fall, one of his might
Ship sunk do to the Kriegsmarine,
Many people died in this battle, many families torn
Apart do to the war, many people served there country with honor, others not,
Revered as the most powerful ship at the time, the people
Clinging for there country on these Battleships, the
Kriegsmarine was now defeated

Lawrence Hall
Mhall46184@aol.com
https://hellopoetry.com/lawrence-hall/
https://poeticdrivel.blogspot.com/

                          The Cruise of HMS Disreputable

                                                                        For myself,
                    I knew as soon as I could read and write
                   That I must be a poet.

                                        -Sir John Betjeman

I left Mesquite and broken promises
In the after-market rear-view mirror
Bolted to the wing of my third-hand MG
And rattled along that magic road to the west

Sleeping bag, Olivetti portable
Dostoyevsky, Yevtushenko, some clothes
An honorable discharge from a dishonorable war
A few undistinguished undergraduate credits

And now…

I have left behind my Nobel acceptance speech
Because the journey will have to be enough

Chapter Two -poem-Neva Flores



Sometimes I get tired of having so little time
and plainly seeing my surroundings
crying out before the scent of dawn
has bloomed.
Can a single cloud breathe in
all of the warm air
that hails my universe,
removing all reason to wake up,
live life and resume?

I look at fleeing ships
whose sails are full of thunder
and I hear a song
dissolving the wildest parts of me.
Each note dances in the breeze
dropping its own melody
inside my heart
until it becomes the only thing
I hear inside my soul
and I struggle to even
breathe.

I was a cabin boy on a tallmasted ship.In the Straits of Gibraltor.Yes they did not know I was female but that was my well kept secret.one does have to survive in this world and by hook or crook I planned on doing just that.my name is Samuel.well really Samantha..been called Sam a while so the transition /switch to samuel was fairly easy.I figure Im close to 8yrs, maybe 9 and I'm scrawny and quick.Business was done in cramped quarters so no-one was the wiser.My best friend was Joque, he kinda wanted a son I reckon, he was partial to Me and gave Me the easy work and fed Me all the time..you know the fresh stuff so I wasn't inclined to scurvy..apples whens theys were here...oranges and salt in rations he kinda shared with me.Odd how I was found at sea and in the middle of nowheres they say..just like I was plunked down in the ocean like a drowning rat , lucky it was in front of the HMS Frigate Triumph..not much to see but it was dryer than I had seen in a while...anyways Joque fished me out and dryed Me up ..said he'd never seen a boy with that much hair.so a hair cut was in order...threw me some dry clothes that dinna smell like stinky fish and here I were.





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© 2011 Eclipsing Moon-blood red

War came. How could it not? Bringing many things especially death. They wanted to knock Turkey out of the war. One ally less for Germany.
Many events happened. Some were firsts. All included death. It was the stuff of legends. Making small nations great and great nations small and killing their empires.
It was quite a LIST:
The big ships duelled it out with the forts, boom!
And the action off the Dardanelles. Historic?
A Shorts rag wing biplane made history and put a tin fish into a Turkish ship.
Much needed Ottoman army supplies lost aboard sunken ships.
Allied subs attacked Ottoman ships in the Bosporus more than thirteen times, bled the Turks white.
Those same subs being the first enemy warships to penetrate Istanbul since 1453, the Royal Navy sub B11 sank Turkey's Mesudiye battleship.
Being killed themselves, subs still on the seabed: Royal Navy E7, E14; French Navy Saphir, Joule, Marionette.
Two were British, sunk by a German U-boat, U-21, in three days.
Australia lost the AE2 but not before she dodged mines and sank a Turkish ship. Running aground near a fort was dangerous. AE2 was the first Allied ship to transit the Dardenelles.
Massive Allied battleships and dreadnoughts fought it out with the forts ashore, the French lost Bouvet and over six hundred sailors. Bouvet brushed gunfire off but a mine killed her.
Two Royal Navy ships died by mines while shelling the forts and gun emplacements: HMS Ocean and Irresistible. Inflexible was damaged. So were French's Suffren and Gaulois.
The forts did their job, thwarting the big ships and making a land campaign necessary.
The Turkish battleships fought back, firing over their peninsula.
It wasn't all one sided, for a Turkish torpedo boat, Muavenet-i Milliye snuck through the narrows, to sink HMS Goliath, and drowning over five hundred men, with three torpedoes.
The Turkish high command was sick of RN battleships raining destruction down on their forces.
They stuck it out and weren't knocked out. The ANZACS went ashore...

Hood,
Oh what a wonderful ship it was, so many people fought in this beast,
Only to be ended, people loved this battleship, it was the pride of the country
Destroyed, by the kriegsmarine

It was indeed an odyssey of excruciating
pain, reluctantly embarked upon
that led to an abrupt farewell
that got you ferried in splendour
by His majesty's service; 'HMS Life Eternal,'
maneuvered by your guardian angels,
on her maiden voyage.
Congratulations for your newfound bliss and
world of non-existent tears.
You have meritoriously earned the Saviour's
warm embrace,
as we look forward to sharing this idyllic world
with you.
Happy eternal vacation to you mom.

Greetings reader from a cross between an aging seventy inch long (ringing ding ****) haired pencil necked geek and a Norwegian bachelor farmer wannabe; meaning yours truly actually a virtually married Pennsylvania man, who crossed his sixty fifth year young threshold on January thirteenth 2024, nevertheless despite rancor from the missus who frowns on me favoring female for acquaintanceship/friendship ideally while taking a ride On The Good Ship Lollipop.

if nothing else germinated
adult language affections
inexplicable tummy why
(approximately three quarters
of my lxiv roy hull orbits ago),
I can still vividly recall
names of girls from mud
trickle hull hating as a Methacton
High School graduate,
plus the two semesters completed
at Montgomery County Community College,
which diploma worth less than
the paper certifying completion
of requisite credits.

Unbeknownst tummy if
(Susan Bishop, Cheryl Hahn,
Judy Jacobs, Donna Keckley,
Fay Landis, Sandra Ray,
Julia Ward, and a handful of others)
gleaned any hint that an intense desire
shutter flying within thy solar plexus
to blurt (in a bumbling fashion)
even a feeble hello
dogged each day of classes.

Nothing about this then
awkward, blimey clammy, dorky,
edgy, friggin gawky, *****, ipsy,
jumpy, kooky, loony, moody, nerdy,
okay, plenti quirky, ratty, sulky,
timidly undersized very withdrawn,
xpn yankee Zeusian.

If familiar during my prime numbered days,
with either powder milk biscuits
(which according to Garrison Keillor -
gives shy people the courage
to get up and do ***** deeds
done dirt cheap (in honor
of the late Malcolm Young,
the pulse of AC/DC),
or raw bits, and additionally
adroit crafting, expostulating
gross iniquities keeping maidens
overly questing regarding taming
uber vibrant ***** wonka
your all time cerebrally enlightened,
guy initially kindling manifold
oppressed quaking ****** undulations
wracking yawping aspiring
corpus dictionary epicurean.

Yes, that tis quite a mouthful,
but then this ardent devotee, gamboling
jousting literary nonsensical
philosophical reader, tenderly tinder
verizon wormy yakking arboreal
cloven earmarked, graciously intelligent
kibitzer, modest opportunistic
questioning statecraft,
unpretentiously warbling bupkis.

Though verb boss this poet manque
doth strive tubby re: noun,
or at the least beak comb knighted
among his majesty (HMS) –
cutting (thru the figurative iceberg) crew,
which pronoun smint foments
hostile interjections, whereby
grievance addressed by my
reciting constituent articles comprising
English Language.

As a result of assiduous, copious, exodus,
grammar grappling, inchoate knowledge,
mastery of quirky syntax
underscored unpretentious
versatility with words.

Adverb beal concupiscence endowment
grows ineluctable kickstarting
my obvious quest shunned unfairly
without your adjective choice
entirely granted.

Infinitives key mordant obscures
quasi rhetorician traversing ultimate
vernacular wordsmith zeroing
at becoming catapulted
**** eminently fructified.

Caterwauling causes
champion colleague Collins collision,
collusion, conjunction conspiracy,
demanding expulsion, forthwith
groupie Harris insinuating, juxtaposing,
keeping lowest mediocrity necessitating
one principle question.

Reddit slated tenure unified vicars,
wherein xfinity yielded zing along.

Europe is an iceberg best
avoided but HMS Brexit
has narrowly missed the
9/10 th's of this submerge'r.

Ireland has been attached
by a horizontal stalactite
with no visible means of
its tether to the glacier.

Globe alarming has fallen
on deaf ears, The Paddy's
have been ****** in to the
**** Zio experiment by USA.

Freedom's just another word
for dependence, because when
one tries to leave, the obstacle
course is your invisible border.

Waking up to the sound of
street cleaners coarse brushes
wide brimmed aluminium
shovels back scraping along
the street edges rubbing off
kerbstones sloshy loads
being dumped into their
trolley bins whacking debris
against the metal rims empty
cans being trod on crushing
for more space in the plastic
liners first subway trains
vibrating the ground voices
night busses replaced D - - -
Day  begins one way echoes
pass under arch cardboard
collection empty bottle rolls
coffee bar sandwich sleeping
bag blue Charring Cross giro
sign HMS Dole office the queue.

Got myself in a bit of a mess
Insult William the conqueror
I do confess
He wasn’t pleased
He felt a bit sick
I started the war in 1066.

Spanish armada
Francis drake
I sunk all the ships
It’s just  deep fake.

Great Britain is my home
It has a mighty roar
I got up to a bit of
Mischief
And caused a civil war.

Boer war
I had to settle a score
We had a fight
We called a truce
With my mate Bruce
It was a honourable  draw.

I was on HMS Victory
Cruising up the Nile
I caused a bit of raucous
It made old  Nelson smile.

I caused the First World War
Bucket and ***** in hand
I was on holiday
Accidentally
killing my best mate
Archduke Ferdinand .

Sitting at home in 39
Bored with nothing
To do
That’s where I had the
Idea
To start World War Two

Troubled I was
I needed to play
Crossed the ocean
Went to the USA
There I concocted
My next mischievous
Plan
I got the Americans to
Invade Vietnam.

Hope I haven’t offended
With this  bravado rhyme
I just me despicable me
You got it  Im
Planning world war three.

.       Laden with tragedies, hull
        holding in a turbulent sea,
        bow to stern pivots on the
        global axis of western evil.

        HMS Tall Tales sails on an
        ocean of un-woken waters,
        from Jaffa to Baltimore Bay
        to destroy a cargo of truths.