My poor friend Mike, he’s drunk again. Two beers
and he’s already texting me. “they playd
that songg u luv nd it reminded me
of u”. A few more cups and we’re at, “heyyyyy
u like my abs?” and then an “lol
cuz i really like u.” Then soon, “im home,
but u shuld b here 2.”  And then he spills
some more: “i thnk ur cute :)” shows on my phone
We’re friends, I think. He’s drunk. It’s just a fluke.
It gets too late. He begs, “will u plz tuck
me in?” And when his eyes begin to droop,
the last: “forgiv me plzzz but we shud ****.”

Embarrassment exudes when we next pass.
He looks at me, his face bright red. I laugh.

Woke up to the same different changed America
I spent the night before at "Post No Bills"
A local bar
Watching the election results like it was a football game

New casters pointing to red and blue states
Making news out of the obvious
Texas went red, theres a ******' surprise
The ******* the stool next to me says if Romney wins she's moving to another country
Sure you are..drunk girl at a bar..

Everyone from my building, the 286ians
Were in attendance for the gala
"And a round of shots for my good friends", I told Mustang Sally, our bartender
I continued, "Cause if Obama wins were getting ****** up tonight and if Romney wins were ******"

Boisterous laughter like osmosis
Fills the room from left to right
Another 286ian walks in
"Heyyyyy!!!!" said everyone in the bar

The election was a close one
With 11 more minutes until the polls close
I closed my tab
Put on my borrowed scarf was out the door like Flint on opposite day

Pockets were empty
But no complaint
I look at the bar as buying smiles
As I walked home, belly warm
I hear cheer
Obama must have won
Who wants a beer?

there are so many crazy people out there
Never makes any sense how some people meet or even fall in love
"It just takes a second for my world to come crumbling down"
or to even lift it up
either way it can be changed in less than what i thought
If a small rock was in the middle of the ocean for example
I thought i was the ocean always moving around the small rock
but now i am the rock easily moved by the earth beneath my feet
crazzzyyy
but heyyyyy

let your actions speak louder than your words
words get curved then the message is blurred talking is absurd
say one wrong slur and you’ll strike a nerve
my silence is not silent see my actions are vibrant
colors may wash away but the frame remains the same what does that say.
The picture can change if your foundation is sain
Rebuild in the creative field even if your image is plain
Be solid count your blessings turn your mistakes into lessons and see what you gain
Love yourself and everyone else who may have caused u pain
We all have faults in our stars, life is the Big Dipper
Negativity is the cancer spreading killing the big picture
We are gods living artwork , the original perfect mixture
Our antics are mere cushions for our mistakes and we live in its fixture
but Change is but a word
make it happen then it’s a verb
Purchase an item, you’ll get change in return
so why haven’t you bought the effort to get the change your efforts will earn?
but it’s crazy to me bc human effort is free
were to lazy to many villains out here chilling no promises been getting fulfillment but the problem is me?
I just dream you see what I mean and happy we can all be
Change is almost like a speech
We’ve been hearing it forever the ideas sound pretty clever
But what goals have been reached
what lessons haven’t been bleached
Do you even practice what u trying to preach?
Heyyyyy watch out for toes I’m not tryna step on feet’s
But I can’t change you I can only change me
So scream as loud as you desire
your voice will soon expire and sink to the floor as they have done before
Change requires action and actions have lived on forever more.
philandeo Castile shot through the window of his car door
Michael brown 12 couldn’t see him frown back turned and they shot more
What other names do a ***** gotta say
For you to see change needs to start today
Lesandro Guzman Felix cut open and still never seen on his knees that’s junior
sooner somebody should have responded to his please
I hope that’s never you you you or me
Change has no price I hope we get it while it’s still free..

shyly enters*
heyyyyy, it is I , me.
I know I haven’t been here in a while
I haven’t been much of anywhere if we are being honest, been floating a lot , pretending a lot and crying occasionally when it all surfaces.

But, I thought it was time to face you again. That sounds mean not face you I thought I’d drop by and let you know that today is just a little too much and we know that I sometimes can’t hold it all in and it manifests in tiny little droplets of emotion.

Let’s harp on that for a second. A single drop of solution carries razor blade pain , it carries harsh anger and subtle insecurities . I think that’s cool.

I met someone who once told me that water was his path to finding god. And if we want to get into the nitty gritties of semiology it makes perfect sense. For thousands of years fluid in all religious faculties water has been a symbol of cleansing of purity of rebirth.

Watch me reinvent myself , that sounds too confident. Just as the wounds close tight and scab to the perfect itchy texture, a new bang opens it and makes it bleed.

Rayhaan? Do you see me . Do you even know what you married? They say transparency and complete intimacy is at peak during a hard or slow ****... is that all you see ? The little girl that doesn’t like to be in control? The little girl screaming for love? The little girl that demands ( quietly ) to be degraded? To be held ?

A walking ******* contradiction.

Baby I’m so much more and so much less than that little girl and all you see is someone begging to be loved. I remember when you first fell i was still sitting on my throne watching you play in my ocean splashing around, bathing in my sun. And then I fell off , I was a commoner and you became the ultimate .
For a while we ruled in unison . But now baby you watch me drown from above . Do you enjoy the suffering ? Does it make you feel good that , that little girl is screaming to be held to be seen to be heard. She craves you.

I miss my best friend the one that would lay on the floor to catch my tears , just coz Mother Nature was not vast enough to absorb all the emotion. Now you watch it waste away to the ground like a element we have too much of.

Do you still love ? I’ve never felt like enough , do you finally feel that way too?

Everything’s too heavy right now, it’s all starting to merge in my head it’s becoming too loud. The medication will start working it’s magic on my neurotransmitters, forced sleep, forced love , forced ....

I love you.
I don’t have to tell you but know that no one will ever swim with your demons , no one will twist their bones to be enough for you like me . No one will EVER see you like this. You will continue giving brief glances of your personality but never your true self.

Bye for now
( strange how I started to write to the poem then myself and finally ended at you- maybe that is because you flow in my blood )

How I send a text
Hi......
oh crap was that too loud.
Heyyyyy that is why too many y’s.
How about a simple hello, but that sounds way to formal.
Ok this should work.... just say I think you are cute.
Sent
Ohhh no she has seen it but no replay... it must mine she doesn’t like me.
It’s all over it was fake anyway!
I should of seen this coming!
Wait
She is typing
She said I think you are cute too!