"hesitated" poems
It is nestled deep inside the fertile
Shenandoah Valley.
There is a river that runs amok
like a rabid, winded wildcat in
the shadows of temptation.
And then there’s a back-country
woman that just won’t leave my
hesitated mind.
Taking time
to worry all about her,
risking heartache
to forever go
without her—
it seems like such an unfair penance,
like the result of prison’s popular
undeserved sentences.
Getting by without a proper windshield,
it’s starting to look as if my drummer
really is too far off the mark.
Wishes to again cross that princess on
that old and dusty road.
In the end it’s a crime that, quite
simply, has no motive.
And I’m paying my sentence daily for
being a prince—and not the most
handsome toad in the land.
Aug 8, 2014
Aug 8, 2014 at 1:46 PM UTC
After I graduated, I thought about two things,
I’m certified, I am now apart of “the people”,
(And)
All I have to do is make a choice and I’ll find success,
Gave it my best, “no test?”; I had to teach,
No stress, I had to be,
The O next to the V,
The ego; “which is me”
(Wait)
V+V=4, it’s a six thing; you know love without the zeas,
But with the zeal; well; Overcoming Variables was never a test,
-Or a problem; I speak geometry, I took 2D, made it 3D, and that was simultaneously; how could I not be the best…
(What is a, reiteration?)
Two lovers, Zodiac signs,
Balanced is equivalent to love,
Be here, focus on now,
Now look up the meaning of dove…
If you think linear, you saw the O next to the V,
If you think like me, you saw the six steps in between,
I had to put my ego beside me or else I couldn’t teach,
That only happened because I met a woman who was a reflection of me,
It literally was a zodiac thing, that type of thing sparked protection with/in me;
There’s no uncertainty in my reality; I’m certainly certain,
I don’t see nature Changing,
I see people Loopin,
“Why” the (people) Shooting;
Their mind: This isn’t Workin;
Knowing for a fact; the solution occurs during the attempt; in working,
(Cliff Swallow); People Symbolism;
Outcome, United is; if chirping…
Well… I’m just saying (it) worked,
Because I no longer have belief; I’m a knower,
I mastered Mind, no need to grow up,
Please don’t say –“show us the-”-because the waves not for us,
If for is four, I’m removing it; not us;
Notice; Not Only That, Us…
It’s time to meditate,
Breathe and wait;
Losing all my words; like I had no say,
I’ve been a wave cause I flow with waaaves,
Change is who I am… I’ll reiterate;
By 7th grade,
I was late,
Happiness was mad; I had to elevate,
When I graduate (-ed),
Thought: “I couldn’t make “it””
Happiness was sad; that’s why I elevated,
Didn’t have a voice; that’s why I hesitated,
Now I have no voice because I -
Jul 19, 2018
Jul 19, 2018 at 9:07 PM UTC
we would be more than friends...
more than confidants.
More than late night texts,
over hesitated fingers,
and true feelings unsent.
In another lifetime...
we would have fallen
down the rabbit's hole
into a blissful place
where no one else could follow.
I wouldn't have chosen him,
and you wouldn't have chosen her,
instead we would have found one another,
and spent our days amongst the clouds.
In another lifetime...
I would love you not from afar
but up close
intimately
completely.
In this lifetime we are no more than
stars crossed...
opportunities missed and
loves lost, amongst the chaos of life.
In another lifetime
In another space,
some other place...
we
would
find
each other.
Feb 16, 2016
Feb 16, 2016 at 12:03 AM UTC
1549
My Wars are laid away in Books—
I have one Battle more—
A Foe whom I have never seen
But oft has scanned me o’er—
And hesitated me between
And others at my side,
But chose the best—Neglecting me—till
All the rest, have died—
How sweet if I am not forgot
By Chums that passed away—
Since Playmates at threescore and ten
Are such a scarcity—
3.5k
Should
never have to
face the
thickened
sticky
white and
creamy
cheesy
cliched
wrath and
terror
of her
mother's smile.
Should
never have to
flinch
inside
behind walls
made of
bricks
behind
barricades
of
stone
wrapped
in
bubble-wrap
at her
mother's
glance.
Eyes
should
never
hold
so
much
power
within
the
flash
of
discontent.
She should not
live
on a boat
always
biding time
waiting for
storms to pass
for
waves to
curl
and crack down
upon her
head
down into
the sand
that
holds her
down into
the dark
that
kisses her
goodnight
down into
the brutal
flick
the tap on the
glass
clench
of
the fingers
twitch of
the jaw
should never
have to
wait
for the
mother's roar
to
echo
through the
chamber
of her heart
until
silence
envelopes
her soul
and she
can sleep
without
fear.
Should
never
fear
her
mother's
evening breath
the
gentle and
stilling
exhale
a sigh
a brittle
and
glassed sound
that shatters
against her
tightly
pursed
lips
locked
mouth.
Should never
tell the heart
to
quiet down
and let
her run
like a
good
child
ignoring
the warning
bells
which
everyone else
seems to ignore
the words
that leave
her
stubborn
lips
in the
joke she
tells
the story
she
preaches
the hesitated
eye
widening
limerick
the expected
story
to tell
her
friends
her
mother's
wrath
tastes like
fire in
her belly
sulphur in
her throat
and
metallic
lingerings
of
biting
her tongue
to
suppress
the
screams
'what can you expect'
'my mother gets like that'
'she attacked me'
'but its okay'
'I was stubborn'
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 7:19 AM UTC
*The box remained shut.
His fingers probe but with invisible eyes.
Finding the clasp that had forgotten the last time.
With the lid pried open,
the dancer would soon arise.
•••••
As expected, she rose...
Accompanied by a tune, truly a haunting sound.
She slid and pirouetted.
She fulfilled the promise to which she was bound.
Her routine was well rehearsed.
She embodied the music, as it carried her.
It mattered not if it was for a single audience.
She cared not if there was no other.
She performed like she might never again,
she inhaled the moment like it was her last.
She sung the song silent like she always would,
she embraced her dance like sail unto mast.
Then the melody slowed,
as the tension in the spring
played itself unwound.
This day for her, had drawn to a close...
But renewed hope for a new one is found.
•••••
He hesitated before resting the lid upon its case.
He caressed his dancer as his eyes start to smart.
His ears would yearn for the song in his head...
He would surely miss the dancer in his heart.
But he knows
when days grow dark
and filled with strife.
The music box lies ready...
And his dancer will again
come to life.*
Jan 2, 2017
Jan 2, 2017 at 8:38 AM UTC
I stood in line
to be weighed
in the bathroom
of the nursing home
Anne crutched herself
behind me
you haven't
got a chance in hell
of winning
that chocolate bar Kid
she said
I've seen more meat
on a butcher's pencil
stuck behind his ear
might win
I said
might fly
she said
the kid in front of me
got on
the green metal scales
and the nun
moved the weight
along the top
not you Malcolm
she said
the kid got off sulkily
I got on the scales
and the nun
moved the weight
I looked at her
black and white
headdress
her pinched features
not you Benny
she said
I got off
and walked away
Anne awkwardly
got on the scales
holding herself
on her one leg
the stump
of the other
hanging there
best so far Anne
the nun said
told you Kid
you didn't
have a chance
guess not
I said
as she crutched herself
along side of me
not to worry
if I get the choco bar
I’ll give you
a quarter for being
a good friend
no other
in this **** hole
gets a look in
we went along
to our rooms
come in Kid
she said
I hesitated
come in
I want to
ask you something
I stood swaying
uncertain
what if
one of the nuns
comes along?
what if I don't give you
quarter of the choc bar?
she said
I followed her in
to the girls dorm
no one else
was there
just she and me
she closed the door
with her backside
right Kid
I want you
to do me
a favour
favour?
I said
sensing uncertainty
hit my gut
yes I want you
to sneak along
to the kitchen tonight
and liberate
some biscuits
liberate?
I said
biscuits?
yes you know
what biscuits are
don't you
those hard things
with cream in the middle
or chocolate
on one side
I know what biscuits are
I said
but what do you mean
liberate?
take some
from the big tin
they have
on the shelf
in larder
take?
I said
you mean steal?
steal
take
liberate
whatever word
you want
to use Kid
what if I get caught?
don't get caught
but what if I do?
Anne sighed
sat on the edge
of her bed
I thought you
were someone
I could rely on Kid
not some cowardly custard
yellow belly
I looked
at her leg stump
sticking out
the other leg
reached to the floor
if you're really good
I’ll let you touch
my stump
she said
no need
I said
I'll try tonight
sneak down
after lights out
good Kid
she said
she took my right hand
and lay it
on the stump
and held it there
it felt warm
and soft
she let my hand go
good huh?
wish the rest
was there
she said
off you go
and don't get caught
I nodded
and backed out
of the room
seeing her cover
the stump
with her dress
and smile
see you
I said
you bet
she said
I walked away
thinking
of the big steal
of biscuits
unthought through
by my 10 year old brain
as yet.
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 12:49 PM UTC
I can't recall what made me spark, that night at kyles left a mark.
A mark of a memory deep in my brain.
One simple second I couldn't refrain.
Your arms spread wide , as wide as the car.
And I grinned like I do at the beauty you are.
I looked deep in your eyes as I grazed down your hip.
I hesitated in fear that I would mess up or trip.
Two ends of a magnet our body's seemed to fuze.
So perfect the Angels we highly amused.
Dancing and hoping my heart seemed to beat.
Beating so fast to the hands ,so much heat, on on my neck.
So elegantly placed and fitted in feathered.,
Like a puzzle piece, eaisly put back together.
Distance won't be any trouble you **** Cause we have the most amazing hug.
Feb 20, 2013
Feb 20, 2013 at 2:28 AM UTC
King Minos,
Spited by the God of Oceans,
Hesitated but a while
Before poor Pasiphae's bull-headed son
Was penned inside the labyrinth,
And then, as if to throw away the key,
Inventor Daedalus and his dear son
Were for their work a prison tower fee'd.
But they grew wings, for as we know,
An inventor's work is never done...
If only Icarus had listened
And kept a proper place below the sun,
Breugel's painting would have lost
Its distant splashy focal point;
The plowman and the shepherd would
Have stood alone above a perfect sea.
Old Minos never had a chance,
And though the cunning Hunter,
(He, who found the man who
Made a string crawl curving
Through a shell behind an ant),
Had won... decided to disrobe
And take a dip...a foolish act
To choose when Daedalus
Would serve a hot revenge.
Daedalus, who knew the score,
Burned wood to make the water soar;
In vengeance vented spiteful wrath,
And cooked old Minos in his bath.
Apr 9, 2014
Apr 9, 2014 at 10:07 PM UTC
"MIXED FEELING."
The saints
are always
crook: why.?
They have
none tolerance for ********* Yes
believe me
they don't,
even Christ
Jesus didn't. Nonetheless
though He
quoted "When your
right cheek
is slapped turn
the left side."
that's no ******** it's
what make
a Saint. But
He hesitated
not to chase the Merchandise
out the
Lord's temple.
********* are: like, sometimes where positivity is
anticipated finding negativity there
right is
the biggest
******** in the
whole wide
crazy world.
Full of
crazy thangz, crazy people living crazy lifestyle. Wide
life, out
the jungle,
homicides, massacre Wonder why we breathing, when
we living to
die. Or I'm
high? (Sigh)
when will the
world halt being ridiculously
crazy. Said
they he's
zany. Plagued
the sages
mad. However
sages are the
last hopes
to heal
the world.
Corona-virus
army, enemy
agent of segregation. What right have
you to black
me, who am
I to white
a brother. ?
When we
looked just
the same, being humanbeing.
How to become
human, Auth-positive thinking faculty, creativity,
optimism build only, nothang but
possibility. Innovation, inspiration,
motivation.
Here rode
time on the
road to glory
is there any future anywhere.? if
there ever is
a time for
everythang
le' me use
mine now. I
was told
the future
is now, I
wanna live
it unfolding
my pages
stepping the
stair cases,
roller coaster,
fortune searching
I
ride slow,
nonetheless
I gets heading
I should rush
not, yet
on steadily.
#C9_fm
May 16, 2021
May 16, 2021 at 5:08 PM UTC
My questions go unanswered.
My words ignored.
My presence overlooked.
Myself invisible to the eyes of others.
In a sty of stench.
In her own ***** she is drenched.
The reason I crossed two states borders.
Pack rat hoarder.
Without organization of order.
Out lived my heart hesitated.
My life dictated.
By a **** "mom" who dominates.
Controlling with my child as leverage.
She holds us hostage.
In her cobwebbed hellhole of dust.
Mold, ***** stench, mildew, & rust.
She is no one to ever trust.
I have alot to complain about & fuss.
Neglected, unprotected,& disrespected.
Taken for granted & unappreciated.
Unknown but senselessly hated.
For love or friendship I waited.
No one ever asked me to be dated.
My life I lived & created.
Apr 2, 2015
Apr 2, 2015 at 2:39 PM UTC
every now and then
I look back at your video logs
and see you expressed your love for me again
and remembering how we chased each other like dogs
It's been two months now since you left
why won't these tears stop
why do I remember the beat of your heart when I'd lay on your chest
every sweet memory of you in every drop
these emotions are killing me
please tell me why am I still so attached to you
is it because I keep remembering how you got down on one knee
and proposed out of the blue
today I remembered something you said in one video
I hesitated to go find it
I tried telling myself no
but now here I lie, in this pit
Jul 22, 2018
Jul 22, 2018 at 4:37 PM UTC
Today is a good day to wake up
And finally write the great essay.
Today is a good day to rise
And clean that room after
All those weeks.
Today is a great day to even
Sit down and solve that
Math problem and finally
Tame calculus.
Today looks like a good day
To read the book that
Has been sitting there,
Calling my name for a
Long time.
It seemed to be a great day
For anything. I carefully considered
all possibilities. It overwhelmed.
I started with the first plan I mentioned,
which I don’t even remember now, since
it was so long ago this morning; I hesitated
immediately, checked what time it was
And I went to sleep.
Mar 8, 2010
Mar 8, 2010 at 12:07 PM UTC
why is it that when I have found happiness,
my urge to write begins to cease?
and as I stare at the crease between your eyebrows I wonder if perhaps the reason thunder trails so far behind lightning isn’t a matter of science
but instead, hesitation, as if this sort of happiness is noncompliant in which its outcome is simply consequential, but I doubt one second of my day is spent doing anything less than adoring that crease, i need not express the happiness you bring me through the lines of a poem but instead through the storm of emotions that constantly rise and fall, yet all in all, not once have I hesitated.
the happiness you bring me never falters.
I have yet to witness that thunder.
Jun 19, 2015
Jun 19, 2015 at 11:35 AM UTC
She Let A Moth Drown In the Lake
She let a moth drown in the lake,
Waves taking stackars* little thing
Further than her oar could reach.
Standing on beach, cupped eye,
Squinting, trying…
Moth was gone.
Death had won.
Just so you know I do no lie,
That ‘she’ was I.
I am the wimp who hesitated.
Fear of depth, of cold, of wet.
Excuses inexcusable.
Death of moth, still flapping moth
Is just as undeserving as our own demise.
Pedestrian, prosaic, commonplace,
Disgusting,
Yet compulsively discussable.
All living things delight in life-ness.
While they move and throb the slightest,
They delight.
Who takes a life by standing by
Will also die.
It is essential, is it not, to cry,
Identify with kin?
Kin hereby meaning ‘life within’.
Left with remorse and shame
She self-condemns,
She takes the blame.
She hopes some force
That knows the individuality of moth
Shows sympathy in rebirth
In some future form that has a breath.
So be it, Om, Amen to Earth!
She Let A Moth Drown In the Lake 6.14.2020 Birth,Death & In Between II;Nature Of & In Reality; Circling Round Nature II;Pure Nakedness;Circling Round Experience; Arlene Nover, Corwin
*stackars; Swedish; ‘poor thing’
Jun 14, 2020
Jun 14, 2020 at 6:17 AM UTC
You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye.
But I hesitated.
You grew worried,
Unsure of yourself.
So I pointed to the shelf
Where all the pictures stood.
I knew that you finally understood
As realization dawned upon your face.
So I told you a story to erase
All of the tension that had built.
You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye.
But I hesitated.
You asked me questions
As I told my tale.
But all I did was flail
As I tried to explain.
I revealed that I couldn’t trust
Not when friend after friend
Brought an end
To every relationship.
You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye.
But I hesitated.
They broke me
In ways you can’t imagine
As they left my heart and soul all barren.
I don’t know how to trust.
I want to trust you
But after end and end
You must comprehend
That I don’t know how.
You asked me to trust you
And you expected a reply
I saw it in your eye.
But I hesitated.
Jan 8, 2013
Jan 8, 2013 at 9:31 AM UTC
172
’Tis so much joy! ’Tis so much joy!
If I should fail, what poverty!
And yet, as poor as I,
Have ventured all upon a throw!
Have gained! Yes! Hesitated so—
This side the Victory!
Life is but Life! And Death, but Death!
Bliss is, but Bliss, and Breath but Breath!
And if indeed I fail,
At least, to know the worst, is sweet!
Defeat means nothing but Defeat,
No drearier, can befall!
And if I gain! Oh Gun at Sea!
Oh Bells, that in the Steeples be!
At first, repeat it slow!
For Heaven is a different thing,
Conjectured, and waked sudden in—
And might extinguish me!
2.3k
Sitting in a wintry land
and writing this to you.
I did hesitated after win,
but there aren’t no winning,
you recognizes that
far better than me.
I pause after the word win,
each time
when I write about winter,
or anything
that start with the word, win!
I take a deep breath
and then try to finish it
with the rest of the letters.
After all
trying is everything,
so says lots of them.
It's true for me too
especially when adding a try
to win you and to survive
in this wintry weather!
Nov 30, 2014
Nov 30, 2014 at 8:31 AM UTC
Do you fancy
A lollipop feast
Salivary glands over productive
Just one day of sweetness
Wouldn’t ruin much perhaps
After party was tasteful
Lingering longer than it should
Picking up a lollipop after some time
Unwrapping took forever
Hesitated to shove right into
The colour appear rather surreal
Was it used to be?
Second thoughts always ****
Stood still with a unwrapped lollipop
Thinking if We should
Dec 31, 2021
Dec 31, 2021 at 11:37 PM UTC
my wars are laid away in books
I have one battle more
a foe whom I have never seen
but oft has scanned me over
and hesitated me between
and others at my side ,
but chose the best neglecting me-till
all the rest have died
how sweet if I am not forgot
by chums that passed away
since playmates at threescore and ten
are such a scarcity
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 1:30 PM UTC
I climbed a mountain
and I looked down below.
Maybe I could have stayed up there longer
if I hadn't looked down on you.
I climbed a mountain,
leaving my past on the ground below.
Why did I feel the need to look down there?
I was so ready, so eager to start anew.
I climbed a mountain
but I stumbled when my fears began to show.
I hesitated, backpedaled, faltered,
and fell through.
Down...
down...
down...
to the bottom of the mountain,
back to my old ways, on the ground below.
Maybe I could have stayed up there longer
if I had climbed the mountain with you.
Jul 28, 2016
Jul 28, 2016 at 2:16 PM UTC
The boy smiled
The girl flinches
As if the smile would disappear
She crossed
Fearing the bridge would collapse
She hesitated
...Took a breathe
Then looked again...
He disappeared
She lingered
Dec 29, 2017
Dec 29, 2017 at 1:59 PM UTC
The day was black
Her heart blacker
She hesitated
Her hands poised over the drawer
She knew what it held
She knew it would hurt
But she opened it
Pulling out the contents
She dropped them in the bag.
Moving on she packed her duffel
Opening her phone she dialed his number
“I’m ready, be down in five.”
Dragging the bags to the window
She dropped them out
Tumbling after them.
And running down the lane
She jumped in the back seat
Knuckle touch for her man
Tire’s screamin away they ran
Now she’s gone, she’s long gone
She’s a runaway, a ***** lil runaway
She’s a runaway, a ***** lil runaway
And she ain’t neva comin’ back.
Aug 16, 2015
Aug 16, 2015 at 10:56 PM UTC