heartbreaks like bad breaks
make bad days feel like fate
heartbreaks like new wounds
for more hope to heal soon
heartbreaks like inmates
that do time for mistakes
heartbreaks like small snakes
with fear there but it's fake
heartbreaks like brown dirt
with brown eyes and more hurt
heartbreaks like old men
with old lessons and new men
heartbreaks like better days
that move on in better ways

I keep my feelings on a leash,
locked in a cage like the perpetrators of crime.
Sometimes I take them out for walks
to test out their rarely used legs on the ground.
Only too reel them back in,
too scared to let them wander,
wander towards those who let theirs loose freely,
not caring where they step.
For I have learned that this only leads to hurt.
Stubbed toes on the curbsides called love.
Failed attempts at crossing the crosswalk,
into the depths of someones shallow, unforgiving arms.
Not paying attention to the Stop sign right next to them.
Over and over, I wish I would've noticed that sign sooner..
Before all the heartbreaks and fallen tears.
And that is why
the footwork of my heart, kept captive in the dark,
is sleeping in silence for perhaps eternity

My heart breaks, that some people care more for money.
Than they care, for people lives this is very heartbreaking.
My heartbreaks, for how this country become so divided.
My heartbreaks, that people have become so evil here.
My heartbreaks, that this here world became so corrupted.
My heartbreaks, that these days we can not even get along.
My heartbreaks, because I know how much God must be hurting.
For he created us to love one another not hate each other here.
I love you all in Christ and am praying that we all will change .
Our evil and evil selfish ways and we need to love one another.
God says how can you love me and hate your neighbor here.

We were beautiful children
And we grew up so brave,
We were touched by death and heartbreaks but we stayed just the same.

We listen to jazz all night and drink red wine,
Find ourselves adventure to pass the time,
We don't talk much about the pain we've felt inside,
No more bumps in the road,
Just enjoying the ride.

Our love is too strong to carry weight of what's gone,
We find peace in the sun,
And the belief of being young.

Love of mine in the world,
We are one in the same,
You can laugh while you're crying and be childish when you lose games,
We are fine, we are okay,
We are in love,
And our children someday will be just like us.

Heartbreak is an inevitable thing.
I knew this. I knew that throughout the course of my early life, I would experience many heartbreaks.
You know, the ones where it wasn’t meant to be. Life designed to have these strategically planned heartbreaks so that you could grow, you could learn.
A pain so real, it is as though the pain is literally reconfiguring your insides as it moves through you; staying just long enough to shape you, but not long enough to become you.
Our hearts like a key getting resized and fitted for the next lock.
Getting so far into the lock before realizing it’s not a match, our heart, getting shaped and sized per each of these attempts. Shaping up until it finds the right lock; the day when your key fits and you know it’s a match – the feeling people refer to as “when you know, you know”.

Is it possible, however, to find your match- the lock that you are finally meant to open, but while turning the key something goes wrong?
What once was a perfect fit, now sits ajar. The answer: I don’t know.
I loved a man.
A perfect fit.
Our love was trusting, it was giving, it was deep, and strong, and passionate.
I loved this man with all of my being;
and he loved me back.

This man is dead.
That’s what breaking up with someone feels like, anyways.
It is as if they are dead.
You will no longer talk with them, share with them, kiss them, hug them, touch them, love them.
They will no longer hold you at night while you sleep.
They will no longer embrace you in the morning, kiss you when you wake.
It is as though they do not exist.
Not to you anyway; or you to them.

It all started with..
"Watch your step when it comes, to finding true love.."
Oh girls like me may slip and fall,
If we don't dream so carefully i thought..
Well I'm a mermaid on the rocks with no feet at all..
Yet I'm running scared and I don't know, where to go..

But it's kind of exciting
I love the rhythm that flows,
in my writing
And you've got a hold,
On my rhyming,
I don't wanna let this, break..
(Oops)

See I love you,
how your 4 lettered name rolls off my tongue too,
I wanna dance to this song too,
I wanna be your day break now

There's a film in class which I think you'd like..
Well I'm just saying that because,
It's a rom com gangsta black&white;
Oh we're a silent film ourselves with lines of poetry as our speech..
And you're the heartbeat behind every piece I write and breathe

So can I stay for longer?,
I've been through heartbreaks before, & I've come out stronger
But you're not a heartbreak,
You're a Wonder..
A Scorpio Wonderland of stars..
Oh I love 'ya'
And I've got secrets to whisper at midnight,
I wanna see London light up only through your eyes
I'll be your special friend if you think that's alright..

It all started with;
A dreamer falling in and out of love..

But I'll be on the edge of the world with you if you ever wanted time to ever stop..

on Valentine’s Day he is working on black painting hears knocking at door with rag brushes in hand he asks “who is it?” “it’s Reiko! come on mr. birdfishdog open up” he has grown afraid of her nervously shuffles brushes rag in hand guardedly opens door there stands Reiko Lee Furshe shoulders pulled back arms akimbo black leather jacket black tight jeans black pointed toe boots hair cut extremely short looks like handsome young boy grinning “hi aren’t you going to invite me in? want to **** and ****?” Reiko’s altered appearance suddenness alarm Odysseus "why did you cut your hair Reiko Lee?" she says "it’s my hair and I can do what I want with it i shaved my legs armpits and ***** too want to have a look?" he replies "no no way why? why did you cut your hair?" she says "because i felt like it and because i know how much you love my hairiness Odys i wanted to displease you i’m female again!" she defiantly glares at him he looks away slowly closes door hears her holler “*******!” listens as footsteps race down stairs out building he drops paintbrushes rag rushes to front window looks out watches her saunter away down street until she is gone writes Reiko Valentine poem he will never send

love listens when you speak understands what you think love watches while you sleep love holds back as you leap love lounges while you run frantic love picks your pocket puts you in checkmate love builds nest hatches egg love rips open your chest plucks heart away love is racehorse love is rattlesnake love pretends not to notice while you ******* love swings on gate love visits your grave love impersonates a poet love slits your throat love devours everything leaves crumbs for hate

he receives Valentine card in mail from Mom wonders if ultimately his fate is somehow sorely connected to her what if Mom stands in way of every woman? what if stars lead away from recognition as painter instead steer straight back to Mom? what if each is trial to other as if their souls are entangled in insolvable riddle ancient curse? he drinks himself to sleep

Laius and Jocasta are king and queen of Thebes in ancient Greece they have baby boy oracle prophesies boy will grow up **** father marry mother to nullify prophecy Laius Jocasta decide to **** their son back then it is common to abandon unwanted or damaged baby on mountain for vultures child survives grows to be man he travels gets into fight on road kills stranger who unaware to him is his father King Laius traveler Oedipus goes to Thebes solves Riddle of Sphinx saves city he is made king unknowingly marries his own mother King Laius's widow Queen Jocasta Oedipus rules wisely he and Jocasta have four children eventually Oedipus and Jocasta realize what ******* Oedipus is Jocasta commits suicide Oedipus pokes out his own eyes becomes wandering beggar assisted by daughter Antigone at time of their marriage Oedipus is young naive but Jocasta is middle-aged woman maybe deep down Jocasta knows she is marrying her handsome son it is thrill to sleep with him maybe it is only after Oedipus realizes truth in disgust confronts Jocasta that she is driven to suicide Jocasta cannot live with herself because she has known truth all along and now she is found out Oedipus can live with himself yet he plucks out eyes because he never wants to see truth again

Odysseus continues to work on black painting many weeks pass slowly snowdrifts begin to melt on occasion sun appears in sky Penelope calls to catch up with him says she is in hurry has met really cool guy is falling in love again their conversation is brief he hangs up receiver considers how resilient Penelope’s heart is she seems so much more capable of getting over heartbreaks

Wasted breaths
Bounced checks
Just a lifetime of it all
He'd sing
Off-key
Improper rises and falls
Too much
Too soon
Too little way too late
He stands
Slow hands
Another Monday in heartbreak

Chasing
Her off
Alarm clocks go off in his mind
Love of one
Undone
Twice as sad, hardest to bind
Desk job
Unfulfilled
Life unkind and so goes fate
Unsure
In the grey
This is Monday in heartbreak

Days pass
The same
Each a Monday in its way
Moments come
Never stay
All the ships sailed from the bay
Wishless
Fishless
Nothing for him out at sea
Life goes
Time slow
Monday heartbreaks, hard to leave

I'm falling now
And I'm afraid of what's happening
I fear getting hurt
So I keep my heart under lock and key
I won't let myself want you
Because I know where that may lead
Heartbreaks and nostalgia, ****
How much worse can this be?

I won't leave my heart out anymore
Just so it can get broken
But I'm fascinated with the words you speak
Do you see my dilemma?
Should I just accept the pure possibility?

Skin* crawling silence, everytime we'd draw close.
.
she always knew how much she could wound me, what a devilish threat she posed.
.
we knew no language, but the one our eyes discovered every second, hour or day.
.
how she would jaunt her way through me and take away the words I'd try to say.
.
her eyes. oh, they taunted all that I ever had faith in, all that I ever believed.
.
I discovered devotion in them, there was nothing more I'd wanted to achieve.
.
and yet she must never know all that I want for her. all that I want us to be.
cause, the rejection would be something no painkiller would ever heal..
**- Aks, HeArt.

He was definitely dead.  That much could be gathered.  He was standing over his own body, sixty feet away from the car.  fifty-nine feet away from  the telephone pole.  The pool of blood on the blacktop was rippling from the sheets of rain that were piercing it.  The rain bounced off of his lifeless eyes, staring on into the cloudy sky.   His shocked expression was forever frozen on his face.  He walked around the corpse, both fearful and excited.  He was dead....He was DEAD!  He was on the other side!  He looked around, searching for the 'white light',  but all he found  was a man dressed in a ratty  trench coat staring directly at him.  Rotting teeth smiled at him under a grungy  Fedora in a way that reminded him of a jack-o-lantern carved into the likeness of Indiana Jones that had been left out past Thanksgiving.  A withered hand beckoned him.

He was not hesitant.  He was not fearful.  

Those were emotions controlled by a brain that was currently about as useful as a bag full of gelatin.  He strode forward and took the man's hand.  It was neither hot nor cold.  They were no longer in the rain.  They were in a room with a large monitor
sitting in front of a station of various knobs, buttons, and switches.  A large leather chair apathetically awaited use .  He was aware that none of these objects  actually existed, because they were in the place where things don't exist.  Still, he sat down
and turned on the monitor.  He looked at the labels.  Some were obvious, such as P L A Y,  P A U S E, and S T O P.  Others were strange, like the ones labeled F I R S T S and L A S T S.  He pressed the former.  A list appeared with items as simple as "Kiss" to ones as specific as "Sprained Left Ankle in November".

He chose the former.

The screen went blank, then a video appeared.  It was a boy and a girl lying on a hill on a blanket at the onset of dusk.  The boy he instantly recognized as himself. The boy brushed his hand against hers.  She let him.  Fingers now entwined as they stared at each other.  At the time it had felt like hours, but it was less than a
minute before lips pushed apart to make way for tongues.  His first kiss.  It didn't take him long to figure out how the machine worked from that point on.  

He spent years going through every second of his life and reliving it from a new perspective. It didn't matter, he had all the time that never was and never would be.  He saw his mistakes and his triumphs, his loves and his heartbreaks.  Finally, he decided he was
finished.  It was time to go.  The man in the Fedora smiled.  Smiled that Cheshire smile

They were in a hallway.  It seemed to stretch for miles.  Every twenty paces or so, there was a person, standing on a platform, obscured in darkness.  He walked to the first one.
A light flickered on.  It was his mother.  She looked like she did when he was a boy, vibrant and full of life.  She never lost that, even as her body aged and her health declined, she always had something to smile about.  He talked to this apparition of his mother.   They talked for hours about his life, of random topics.  Things they had never had time to talk about when they were both alive.  After some time, she gave him one of her wry
smiles.  He nodded and made his way to the next person.  His father.  

He continued this for quite some time.  He talked to everyone from his brother to a guy he used to get high with in college.  Years passed as he said his final goodbyes to all the people in his life
that he had ever known.  All of them were happy for him.  All of them had something to tell him that he had never known about them in life.  None of them were real.  When he was done, he turned to the man in the fedora.  A smile.  A smile that had a personality all its own, a smile that simultaneously showed compassion and seething hatred.

The last room.  No one said it was the last room, but it had that feeling of finality to it. It was spartan, nothing in it except a marble floor that seemed to stretch for eternity in every direction.  It probably did.  In front of him were two pedestals.  On each of those
pedestals was himself.  The one on the left was wearing a fine tailored suit, had radiating skin and a smile that cameras feasted on.  The one on the right was a stark contrast.  The teeth he had left were hanging lazily from the roots.  His hair that he had left was thin, oily, and ridden with lice.  His mouth turned upwards in an insane grin that was only
matched by his thirsty, bloodshot eyes that seemed to bulge from his pockmarked skin

                                          They both spoke at once.

You were born on                                           You were born on
July 3, 1985.  Your                                           July 3, 1985.  Your
parents fed your                                         mother died when you
curiosity at a young                                     were 4.  Your father
age.  Your passion                                   turned to alcohol.  He
was art.  You painted                                 took his pain out on you.
your first work when                                     You dropped out of    
you were nine.  By the                                high school and moved
time you were 16, you                             as far away from this
were renowned as a                             life as you could.  You
artistic prodigy.  You                      quickly discovered a bad crowd.
attended the Art                                     You met a girl, Cindy.
Institute of Chicago                                       You got her pregnant.
on a full scholarship.                                   You started selling drugs
It was there that you                                     to make ends meet
would meet Claire,                                       for your accidental family
your future wife. By                                       It wasn't long before
the time you completed                                     You made a mistake
your school, every                                             and ended up in jail.
museum wanted a                                        years later, when you
piece of your work                                       were released
hanging in their gallery                               you found that Cindy      
Your work would be                                       had killed herself
remembered for                                                   and your son.
hundreds of years after                                       You had no job          
your death.  You had                                                 no skills
a wonderful family,                                        You spent your days
fame, fortune, and                                          doing odd jobs for
everything that came                                   money.  Money that
with it.  You lived                                           You spent on drugs
until 89, where you                                        Until the age of 45
died peacefully in                                       Where you froze on a
your bed, surrounded                           street corner, surrounded
by loved ones.  This                        by human excrement.  This
is your life's best                                           is your life's worst
possible outcome                                         possible outcome



He nodded, then looked at the man in the fedora.  That smile crept up.  A smile like a hyena. He snapped his fingers.  Two doors appeared.  One was Oaken and battered.  The grains of wood barely visible over years of neglect.  The other door was new and had just been  painted with a fresh coat of sky blue paint.  

The man spoke for the first time.

This is the last decision you shall ever make.  The door on your left will lead you to the  afterlife, and the judgement that awaits you.  Whatever is decided, that is where you will spend eternity.  The door on the right will allow you to be reborn as a new soul.  This one will no longer exist.

He gave it a good long ponder.  Had he been good enough in life to pass the judgement?  What if he ended up in a hellish nightmare for the rest of eternity?  Could he do better
if he started fresh?  The thoughts swirled about him like a whirlwind until finally.

Years later

He chose.

The man in the fedora smiled.

They say love comes unexpectedly
But they never told me how it leaves
Suddenly, painfully, helplessly

And this is just another poem about you
But unlike the other ones from before
It's the last of it all, with no more

See I already felt it coming
Long before it all fell apart
Before it shattered my living heart

Usually in books, they talk about heartbreaks
Emotional stress, vulnerability, and crying
But they never mentioned physical heart aches

The throbbing, and the sobbing
And what feels like a bullet clashing
Every millisecond, pounding, literally breaking

And it's something chocolates can't fix
And obviously, neither will the chick-flicks
Something not even sleep could do the trick

I've realized we grew apart
Became distant, not just because of the miles
Already separating us apart

And I know I've pushed you away
Leaving you in dismay
Unsure of tomorrow, scared of yesterday

But I didn't know you knew
Knowledged of the game I've put you through
Unaware that you could hurt me too

Now all's been said and done
I've lost the better part of me, my number one
My lover, my bestfriend, all gone

Unlike other scenarios, I choose to act differently
I aim to take it well, and not selflessly
I won't let my vulnerability get to me

And now I know better
Right now pathetically missing you
Wouldn't do

And someday, hopefully
We'll meet again, in a parallel universe
Within each other's existence, unknowingly

Maybe then, in another life, I could love you

But for now thank you for the pain and tragedy
I needed it for my poetry.

*-djs

You left at 11:23 at night
and by 12:02,
it was as if you had never been there.
I stripped the bed of its sheets
and left them to be washed,
I scrubbed the dishes you had used
and stacked them when they were dry.
I hid your hat that you had left
but I slipped on your shirt
and tried my hardest
not to inhale you.
I washed my body of your fingerprints
and my hair of your scent,
because if you couldn’t actually be here
I didn’t want to remember that you had been.

I hear planes taking off every half hour
and it reminds me of the way your heart beats when you kiss me.
I write poems in my head when your lips touch mine and silently write them down when you’re not looking,
because I would never want you to know
you’re my biggest muse,
I would never want you to know
you’re all I can think about.

It's not about the ghosts or the demons
The heartbreaks and rejections
It's about the happiness and contentment
Not minding what you've imperfected
What you're scared of doesn't matter
As long as you know that you'll be better
Head up, stay strong
and never give it up all

I burned up in your atmosphere
Just trying to
Get close enough to touch you
Just trying to get
Close enough to hear you say
“Yeah, I love you too”

You do?

I started a book about you
Drenched in ******* sweat
And drunken verses that you would
Never really get unless
You took the time to listen
And hear me

The sizzle and crackle
Of everything about me
Burning

Because of you.

I only know how to
Write about heartbreaks
Or heart beats
And could have beens
Because you taught me that,
You showed me that
It wasn’t poetry until
I destroyed everything about me
That once was
That could’ve been.

I’m good at free falling
And floating
Pretty good at burning
Up for only you.

Promise me you'll never leave.

I remember when I said that. I made him promise from the bottom of his heart that he was mine forever. And he made that promise.

So much for keeping it.

All I can see now is his face and the slamming of the door that he walked out of.
He left me, heartbroken and deserted, with no one to look after me, no one to care for me.

He knew I was young. He knew that I would be more affected by a break-up than his normal girlfriends.

But he was experimenting.
He didn't care what happened to me to begin with.
He never wanted to be with me
He just wanted to be with someone younger.
A lot younger.

I lost everything when he left.
My pride
My sense of security
My trust
Now what am I left with? A box full of pictures, several of his old t-shirts, and a lifetime of demolished memories.

They  always said first heartbreaks are the worst, but I never expected this.

I'm learning, day by day, how to put one foot I front of the other again. It's not easy, but I'm making progress.

I just hope that he doesn't try to walk his way right back into my life.

Cuz I'm scared I  might be stupid enough to fall right back for him again.

time is an infinite stream of possibilities
may this blessing flow to you across time through love
I pray for you, the me of my past who struggled and
lost your way in depression.

May this blessing find you across time to you, from me the you of the future, to the 26 year old that I was in a moment in time,
where I was lost.

May you find your way out of despair and hopelessness, and
may you find the courage to set the radio outside of the filled
bathtub.  I know suicide seems the only way out, but you have
so much to live for. I am you of the future, as I speak to you of my past.  

May my love and hope travel across time to help you find joy in that little moment, where you turned on the radio to make sure power was flowing before you electrocuted yourself.  But in that tiny moment, reggae music blasted through the speakers bringing a spark of joy and rhythm into a dark moment, where you could not distinguish from the true and false.

May you find the wisdom to know that your pain will not last forever and all wounds heal with time, even heartbreaks.  I know, because I am in this very present moment the future self of you.  I know that your present feels bleak and each day feels more painful and pointless than the day before.  It feels like the whole world is against you and people who are supposed to love you only judge you and ridicule you.  Somehow it feels like who you are is not enough and you are sick and tired of feeling this way.

May my love and hope travel across time.  Love is infinite and collapses the space that separates us.  May my blessing find you
through this dark moment and many to come, so you may know
and experience joys, sadness, and full specturum of emotions
with an open heart.  You will someday embrace pain as one of your greatest teachers, because it has lead you to the other great teacher of life, love.  May you have the courage to really live, so you may face death, another great teacher.  May you live and die with love, and not with fear and hatred in your heart.

May this blessing travel across time in that infinite place in your heart, where hope will rise out of the heavy despair that is pulling you down to depths of pain that goes deeper and deeper.  Somehow, pain upon pain becomes comforting, and you begin to be trapped in yourself.  All you can see is this moment.

May my prayer and blessing find you and guide you to a future you cannot imagine in your present, but you would not want to miss.  Thank you, I love you.  I'm sorry for ways I failed you.  Please forgive me.  

May this blessing of hope and love find you across time and space to bring you home, so you and I can live in that infinite space of love in our hearts, where we are connected to life flowing through and in us.  May you find your way to me, to the now that is always being created.

Heartbreaks.
Don't stay always.
They sometimes fades away.

It's different than love.
It only knows how to give.
Which is love's trouble.

If it's selfish.
And sometimes people thinks it is.
Then it can't ever be sincere.
Cause it's not genuine.

Heartbreak is similar to heartache.
It reminds you of mistakes.
Why love reminds of the things it takes?

If you're a giver.
You must avoid the taker.
All because they only knows how to accept.
They never reach out to help.

oh misery, oh misery,
don't turn this love story into history,
oh misery, oh misery,
let me be his last wish publicly.

oh doubt, oh doubt,
you're the major reason we fought,
oh doubt, oh doubt,
look at all these lies we bought.

oh heartbreaks, oh heartbreaks,
mend yourself before you ache,
oh heartbreaks, oh heartbreaks,
oh please let him be your aid.

oh love, oh love,
give him some time to proof,
oh love, oh love,
we shall thank you.

Dear Someone,

As of this moment, I’m writing you a letter without the slightest idea of who you are. Have we met already? Do we bump each other’s way unknowingly? Or are you someone I already know and just waiting for our story to unfold absentmindedly? Tomorrow, a week, a couple of months, or even years I know I will meet you in an unpredictable way and you will finally stay.

Hope still blossoms within my heart even if it got broken a multiple times. I hope you’re having the time of your life so when we meet in the future, I’ll gladly listen to your unending stories about your adventures. I only want you to keep one promise; please be patient while waiting for me. I know fate gives us tough ordeals but keep in mind that we can both do it even if we’re not in each other’s side yet. For now, I want to apologize for not being there with you through your battles. I’m sorry I missed a lot of important days with you. Don’t get me wrong with this, I hope you experience heartbreaks before I step into your life. I believe that it will make you wiser and stronger so when the day comes that I have you in my arms, I will make you the happiest and show you genuine care for the reason that you deserve to feel what real love is supposed to be. It is a tough journey yet this is worth waiting for. You are worth waiting for.

When that day comes, I will love you wholeheartedly, always. I will push you to become a best version of yourself. I will be there for you through your success and downfalls. As what 1 Corinthians 13:7 said; Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I will not give up on your perfectly good soul. I will always believe in your capability. I promise to give you hope and light through the dark times, and we will endure every reckless path in the journey and make it worth the fight.

One day, your voice will be my favorite song. Your eyes will be my favorite painting. Your words will be my favorite poetry. Your presence will be my sweet tranquility. You are the home I keep coming back to. You are my comfort zone and at the same time, the adventure I am willing to take the risk. You are the daydream that I cannot escape. You are the sunshine that brings happiness in my frowning days. You are the laughter and smiles that I will remember in the back of my mind. You will be my greatest serendipity that destiny has given me. You are the evidence in this universe that God, in his timing, truly blesses a perfect prince to His brave princess.

Go on with your life and commit to your own happiness, I would do the same. Let us both keep going until the day we finally meet. I can’t wait to tell you how fortunate I am to be existing the same time as you. Fill yourself with self love and take care of your heart. When the right time comes, I’ll be the one who will nurture and take care of it.

So to the man I will fall in love in the future, everything will be worth the wait. Fate and gravity will eventually lead us to each other’s arms. I’ll see you very soon.

Tout L'amour,
Your sweetest Adrianne.

“I keep expecting people to care. To worry about me. To pull me back when I push them away. To be my umbrella on the rainy days. To try harder, ask and reach out. But when they don’t, it breaks my heart. I know it sounds irrational, but I feel disappointed. And once I’ve healed from the experience, I go back to hoping once more. It’s like I never learn my lesson.” Each word reeked of despair and regrets as they slipped off my tongue.
“Yeah, I understand you. I do the same.” She said in the most reassuring of ways with her hand holding mine. Her ocean blue eyes were comfortingly soft and deep with wisdom. “The only thing that really has been getting me through is trusting myself enough to care when someone doesn’t do the same. To catch myself when someone else doesn’t.”

kiss him while you still have the chance

kiss him
because his love will fade
with the summer heat

kiss him again
because his forevers
will turn into nevers

kiss him once more
because summer loves
only lead to winter heartbreaks

kiss him goodbye and never look back

I still remember your eyes
I still remember you always holding me
Keeping me safe from harm with all your charm
I remember feeling you looking at me, and I
Know you're still there, you're so wonderful!
I couldn't help but fall in love with you
And get crushes everywhere else, too.
It's just so unfair to have found such
Lovely romances, and suffer heartbreaks!
I can't help where my heart
Goes, but that's why I'm torn apart...
Please remember I'm always here and so is
My love too, it's not easy to be what society
Wants of you, especially love! Love is wild and
It's so undesired to be told I'm a cheater
When I have an excuse, I'm only human too!
Just remember I wasn't born with a defective
Heart, and it isn't easy to be torn apart.

I guess this is it.

This is me saying goodbye, after countless days that I’ve been trying to but never seem to actually do it.

It’s quite exhausting actually, to constantly decide whether I should let go of you or not. But I guess this will do. I’ve learned that heartbreaks don’t happen all at once, it happens in small moments and our hearts chip off almost infinitely. And it’s true, these past few days I always find myself at countless forks in the road and I have to make a decision: hold on or let go.

Whenever I smell your scent, I let go of you. Whenever I see a random stranger wearing braces and I’m reminded of your silly smile, I let go of you. Whenever I remember the warmth of your tight hugs, I let go of you. The inevitable and constant struggle to let you go is real – but this will do.

Your cousin actually told me just now that he warned you about this (us) from the start. He told you not to be hasty because you may just be overwhelmed by the feelings you had. I actually have no idea if that bears any truth in them but I hope he’s wrong. I am so sure what we felt wasn’t something “temporary” although it was short-lived. I am so sure it wasn’t a product of something done quickly. I don’t know anymore, to be honest. But I wish to believe him, too, though – so that I’ll no longer have the urge to talk to you. So that I’ll no longer have to pause and convince myself not to click “send” to my Hi. So that I’ll no longer have the urge to check up on you, stalk you on all your social media accounts. So that I’ll just stop.

Hay, I wish it was that easy. I know that it is, but I’m not so sure if this is what I want. See? You made this monster out of me. For as long as I can remember, I was always a woman of my word but right now, I no longer know if I want to stick to my decision to let go. What is it with you? I’m starting to get frustrated because I’ve been in this situation before, and I’ve handled it quite well, actually. But I guess that’s the ugly truth about heartbreaks. No matter how much you think you know about it, no matter how much you’ve prepared – it will catch you off guard. No one in this world knows how to prepare for a potential heartbreak, and I guess that’s both beautiful and scary.

You’re a kid. That’s probably why this didn’t work out. Our emotional maturity levels don’t match and I think your lack of it makes up for how you decided to stop pursuing me. I was ready to risk everything for us – for love, but when we were almost at the finish line, you said, “I can’t do this anymore”. You left me hanging. You of all people did. And that makes you a hypocrite, because you don’t want others to abandon you but you abandoned me.

I guess you’re just going to be another “heartbreak” on my list. Another scar to show off to everyone. Another “Hey, this is the guy I used to love but now he’s just a memory”.

I swear this is the last letter I’m going to write to you. But I know that’s not true.

Well, I guess I’ll continue writing until I no longer have the words and the sentences to make any sense out of this heartbreak.

Everytime she loves , her heartbreaks ,her soul bleeds,the more scars she has ,the more her heart turns black and the flowers in the forest in her garden die, her wings turn black so dark , she begins to not believe in love , she begins to fade away so does her love,her wings turn black and so does her eyes, she flys to her castle and hides away from the sun and never comes out until the sun is gone , no bright colors and her dark black eyes ,her soul bleeding out every time she cries ,this is what happens when she begins to break,everything begans to fade away until All her pain Is gone and everything comes back to life , the flowers start to bloom and her eyes aren't dark but blue like the sky and she begans to stop crying and her heart drys up ,the scars heel but forever there ,her heart turns red and the garden comes back to life, but her belief in love isn't so easy to spark up, her wings aren't dark and either are her eyes , shes at peace and happy again until the end of time .