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jee Feb 27
the brain and mind are not the same thing.

a brain floats, suspended,
down to the tips of my toes
and the blue rivers underneath my skin.

it is a box; simple tasks and quiet construction.

the mind has no such manuals.

it sees baboons in filtered skylights,
eyes as red as the blushing dawn,
gushing about over the hilltops of my shoulders.

it sees stop signs in the glass cracks
of my wooden closet door,
where the dark seeps around the green-light-go.

it sees fingertip to lip,
raccoons at rusty roadways,
Remus and Romulus locked in eternal combat;
preserved in the grains in the cherry tree trunk.

the brain is in the head,
but the mind is somewhere a little above;

hiding away in a doomsday bunker,
loud warnings burning the air,
bathed in cobwebs and blue lights.

away from people who haven’t quite learned,

that the brain and mind are not the same thing.
they say mind over matter. but mind is the matter. it matters to the creaks at 4 am and the cries in the bathroom stalls.
Miss Saitwal Aug 2018
Places where we go and free our headspace,
spreading our  hands and feeling the raindrops.

It felt like an unique amalgamation of fright, fury and pure joy.

Fright of all the obligations barged on the soul.
Fright of not being with the right people at the right time.
Fright of falling on our own feet.

Round & round on the playground,
with an overwhelming typsy feeling.

The joy of sliding on the slippery dip,
touching the sky hanging on the swing.
The breeze touching the feet, playing with the hair & ticking the ears, until we fear to fall on the ground.

The alarming feeling of how precious our life is.
The joy of constantly working on ourselves to improve in life.
The joy of keeping ourselves first.
The joy of not missing out & living in the moment;

The joy of emphatic long conversations,
The joy of selfless efforts with no expectations.
The joy of doing the right things,
always at an unsuitable time;
The joy of being intutive over calculative.

The joy of spending fruitful earnings;
& believing in karma.

Feeling no need to explain our way of doing things
& doing what makes us feel good about ourselves.
Absolute joy of not being too ******* ourselves.

All joyful things go wrong, because it is their job to.
We make all dreadful things right, because it is our job to.

It all makes sense now,
We must get up,
spread your hands,
feel the raindrops,
and say,

“We made it all worth.”
Nylee Nov 2018
It is seasonal
limited time period
Your smile, his frown
My car, her scar
A small episode by far.

Tiny twinkles
Cloudy atmosphere
Pull push
Open and close the door
Then sit on the floor.

And rest
Blooming rose
And the bleeding thorns
Leaving the pieces torn.

All it begins
And ends
We live and die
Nothing remains
No entertainment.

Replaced fractions
Divided notions
Agreed and discarded
Lies filled in truth
Because life gives no proof.

Ten steps, eleven jumps
Crawling there
After a huge fall
In between few moments
A sad sentiment.

A vacant headspace
It came and went away
Nothing stays
Good bad ****
All too early
A thought left

Rough days
Cold nights
replaces warmth
tight shoulders
Stiff movements
Aching muscles.

The bitter taste
Sweetened in spring
And the autumn leaves
Winter is coming
The ages pass
Just like that
Miguel Sep 2018
Replaying a riff four times perfectly
One missed fret and the entire day ends disastrously
Replaying moments of kindness and warmth
To overcome the feverish idea that I hold no heart

Every fourth step, threes end in ******
Maimed images constantly creep
This subconscious ludovico technique
These thoughts come and go in no particular order

A seat at the table and a serviette on my lap
What if I leapt out my chair and suddenly attacked?
What if I aimed the knife towards my hand?
I constantly question if that’s who I am

I will have a picnic with her today, all joy and cheer
When these intrusive thoughts will inexplicably get near
And terrorize my attitude as well as my image
Disassociating with a perplexed and horrified visage

I’m so incredibly tired of existing
A cruel and ironic fate
I’ve missed out on so many opportunities
All because of this miserable headspace
It took me so long to learn that:

Firing takes place
when the recoiling groups
are between .020 to .116
out of battery to prevent
contact between the front
end of the barrel extension
and the trunnion block


But I did it, and so can you.
Why not?

It took me so long to learn:

The distance between
the face of the bolt
and the base of the cartridge
when fully seated in the chamber


But I did it, and so can you.
Why not?

Plunging, direct,
enfilade, traversing,
elevating and traversing,
swinging traverse, free gun, bipods,
useless weight which
spits the ending of living stories
and breathing saints
Oh to be self absorbed.
Floating through life thinking you’re the only one worth giving a **** about.
I’d feel sorry for you if you hadn’t suggest it yourself.
Control your illusions of grandeur and I’ll control my contemptuous ramblings.
You’re so vain.
You probably think this poem’s about you.
Sorry for the slightly aggressive tone, just needed to get some feelings off my chest about some of the people in my school. It’s been playing on my mind recently and what better way to release those feelings than through some good old fashioned poetry XD
I thought it right to assess some antidepressants, which philosophers should be more inclined to call mood enhancers.
(This was during my foray into human enhancement, substances intended to enhance physicality, cognition or mood. Nootropic compounds concern the latter two categories.)

The most commonly prescribed mood enhancers are serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRIs), but it takes over a week for these compounds reach their peak effect. I therefore approached them with the notion that a limited dosage might point to their character which would further manifest in the long-term. (Side-effect were this unlikely to be fully manifest.) These considerations in mind, I set about acquiring a few miscellaneous anti-D's.

Fluoxetine was the first successful selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI), better known by its original brand-name Prozac. Fluoxetine has an acute biological half-life of between 1-3 days. Presence of a trifluoromethyl group on the compound deserves note, I wonder what the presence of electronegative fluorine atoms add to the psychoactive flavour of a compound (subjective effects).
I administered a single dose by mouth, there was some indication of subjective character. Light serotonergic sensations and seemingly benign mood-dampening, there is a ****** towards the positive. Waking headspace relatively uninteresting. Observed hints of oneirogenesis, did not manifest in enough character to be detailed - a sort of vivid, 'pulsive wandering, more pronounced in contrast to its waking character.
Good experiment, intresting results.
Ligand     Ki (nM)   Ki (nM)
Target      Flx            Nflx
SERT        1               19
NET         660           2700
DAT         4180         420
5-HT2A   200           300
5-HT2B    5000         5100
5-HT2C    72.6          91.2
α1             3000         3900
M1            870           1200
M2            2700         4600
M3            1000         760
M4            2900         2600
M5            2700         2200
H1            3250         10000

Escitalopram is an SSRI commonly prescribed for major depression and generalised anxiety. It is the (S)-stereoisomer of citalopram. The biological half-life is of escitalopram is between 27-32 hours.
I administered a dose and thought the phenomenal serotonergicity less apparent than fluoxetine but then gastro-intestinal disturbance was noted, I correctly surmised it has a high affinity for 5-HT2C but was also surprised to find it is is quite adrenergic.
Any oneiric qualities were not readily apparent after a single dose, relatively little visual imagery which is understandable given its lack of affinity for 5-HT2A. I found this to be philosophically intresting. Mood elevation observed in bursts of conversation and as odd sensations, possible mental discomfort.
Recptr     Ki (nM)
SERT       2.5
NET        6,514
5-HT2C   2,531
α1            3,870
M1           1,242
H1           1,973

Venlafaxine is a selective serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). Venlafaxine and its metabolites are active for about 11 hours.
Initial subjective effects similar to a very light empathogenic stimulant. Perception of altered attention-span/increased reflexive response; energising yet paradoxically much yawning.
Ligand,  Vnfx      Dvnfx
Recptr    Ki(nM)  Ki(nM)
SERT  ­    82           40.2
NET       2480        558.4

Tianeptine is a tricyclic antidepressant (TCA) with an unusual mechanism of action. It is an atypical agonist of the μ-opioid receptor and has been described as a (selective) serotonin reuptake enhancer (SRE). It has a short duration as sodium salts [prescribed form] of between 2-4 hours but as sulfate this can be notably extended, some of its metabolites are active for longer than tianeptine itself.
Definitely anxiolytic, quite artificial; possible aphrodisiac. I find its opioid activity dissuading, requires utmost caution.

Moclobemide is a reversible inhibitor of monoamine oxidase A (RIMA), its monoamine oxidase inhibition lasts about 8–10 hours and wears off completely by 24 hours. Inhibiting the decomposition of monoamines (e.g. serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine) increases their accumulation at an extracellular level. It tends to suppress REM sleep and so it lacks oneirogenic properties.
Feeling of well-being, less constrained by the usual anxieties; openness. Relatively unnoticeable side-effects when diet is carefully managed. Made the mistake of eating a cheese and turkey sandwich (i.e. foodstuff rich in tryptophan), indications of a mild serotonin syndrome later became apparent. Symptoms included feelings of overheating and flushing, slight sweating, racing thoughts and anxious discomfort. A stark reminder of Shulgin's old adage: "there is no casual experiment".
Combination with a select few tryptamines (not 5-MeO-xxT) should be safe, and synergistic (perfect for pharmahuasca); reputed to potentiate GHB. However, generally it is extremely dangerous to combine with serotonergic drugs.
Julia Betancourt May 2018
I am not an Amazement

People do not look at me and find gold

I am a blank canvas and Empty

And there are no stars inside because everything

Exists outside of me

I’m Mad because I do not like how I caught your eye

You thought I was Beautiful

But now your eyes have faded so they can’t see this far

And so my Beauty goes unnoticed and my scars are red

I’m a Scared, pessimistic girl

With no headspace for dreams

A lot of life doesn’t exist in my world

And it feels like the trees are blocking me

Like the curtains are drawn to keep you from seeing inside of me

Like the artists don’t want to paint me anymore

Like I am stuck staring at the mirror in my bedroom that used to give me nightmares

Like in my dreams I keep asking people who have died

If they would come back to life

And every time they tell me No, I don’t deserve that anymore

No, I don’t deserve that anymore

I like to think I don’t deserve the bad things anymore

Like I am a sculpture that’s been glued to the ground

Where I cannot stop people from staring

What if I don’t want to be seen?

What if I want to be read

What if I want to be felt

For the things you can’t touch?

But they keep carving me down to a figure

They keep painting over the parts where I used to bleed
Sparrow Mar 15
The sunset by the sea
My feet naked, embedded
in the sand
As the waves greet me with ferocity

Punching back with clenched fists
Saltwater foam, elegant comb
through my hair
The ocean with all its depth condescending

All the colours of the universe in
a sky tainted, so gloriously painted
like a fresco
Of an olden cathedral I'd never seen

Sweat and salt and sand in my clothes
My eyes swollen, their whites stolen
Innocent are not the tears of the sea

Slow as the waves recede
with the retreating tide
So does the venom in my veins
and come loose the nails in my head
The shore sprayed with new hope
The night sky of a new moon arrives
Darkness heralds doubt
Yet I'm relieved to be
in the absence of the light
that seeked to
blind me last night
Went to my grandma's place by the sea.
Needed a little headspace, and a lot of grandma's cooking :)
I feel light after spending an afternoon at the beach, letting the waves hit me.
And all this without a single smoke!
Things I'll never know,
And the things I will regret,
Swarm in my headspace,
A mass of mess and clutter.
Please don't throw your life away.
Alifah Ilyana Jul 2018
Clenched teeth.
My heart is beating fast and slow.
The love of my life,
His words,
Were not as beautiful.
And they were,
At the very best,
Un-welcomed in this heart of mine.
I itch for a pencil and a yellow book.
I itch for my tears to fall.
I want my heart to be taken out
I am not him
And I am not his
He is the fairytale
While he is the broken knight.
I am neither and
All I can say is my heart is closed.
As my anger towards only me
Start to consume my headspace.
After the break-up
Kenji Feb 12
>walkin in the rain, footsteps shake, head throbs, but I still hear your silent echoes as if they follow me in the dark, my whispers are silent thunders, as if screaming in the past, it won't bring you back.

<I walk on, mud at my feet. Stepping to the trail of my own weathered beat. Nature touches my senses and the space between.

>Always in my headspace, cannot get out, still stuck, cannot move.
Though I found a way out, but you never go away, so I guess I gotta stay. I hope someday I make it out alive, whether it burns or not.

<I'll feel the flames reach higher as I gasp for air
I hope the rain comes and washes away the pain and I can dance freely again
with the sun.

>The sun in my arms, I got no space for air, breathing frantically, I hold out my last to you. But in the distance, as my voice stops, I see a shadow, squinting, eyes nearly closed, I know it's not you.

<It is a part of me
The part I don't want to see
Running will save no one.

>I'm done, words filtrate, my thoughts are bare. ****, my mind is exposed, no one who cares.
Another Duet written by me and Kate Rebecca Hopwood.
< Kate
> Me
Days become more like
Sunny-cloudy days.
You come to a sense of awareness
Of everything around.
The way you feel
The way you think
You have finally reach your own headspace.
Sitting in silence allowing your mind to run
Across the field of where you truly want to be
Focusing on what things are instead of for what
Things could be... not everything is what is seems.
Happiness isn’t a destination it’s a journey.
When you learn to let go of things that do not serve
you, you create space for abundance. Allowing
Everything to flow in it’s most natural state.
Still going through a couple of
Obstacles that will cause interference,
we must learn to overcome these
challenges, to let go of the U
You Used to be and become stronger
as we grow.  
Sit back and relax let peace
Wash over your back
Feel the presence of this moment
And let it just be that.
untitled Apr 28
you linger in my head
like a fresh spritz of perfume,
wafting around my headspace
and pervading my senses,
I am utterly consumed by you.
Sara Buzz Sep 2018
I know there are things in me to change
but I am slowly making my way

will you wait beside me?
Day, night, and all times?

to make sure we dont give up our faith
to make sure we don't lose out on our fate

I know we all want to pass through those gates.
I will try with you, I'll be here if you fall, please know that your start, it's never too late.

will you work hard for him?
can you do what he needs you to do?
pass on his word, love, and there'll be a home for you.

throughout the hurt, we fight
though we are tired, we'll take turns keeping watch
for the rest of our lives can we just live with peace and be kind to all He knows?

together under heaven we will stand tall
let's not betray him, the one who gives us all

Lets be what he created us to be
His love for us unfailing
his work calls upon us, it's up to you and me
lets make it our mission
to bring more beside him
those who, like us will do justice to his heart

it may not be easy
but he doesn't ask much.
to love others and be loved
to give freely and be blessed.
we all know it'll never be easy,
escape our own raging mess
but with him beside us,
help free all from their inner darkness

it may not be easy
we all know our paths are not that clear
so kneel down beside us
help make each darkness disappear.

you know he won't hurt you
you're just afraid and not used to love
but there's someone up there, his is deeper, I promise its enough.

and I'm right beside you
I'll be here until I die
so reach for us both please
we'll never say goodbye

and as for those tears, lovely,
they hold words you cannot scream
I promise we're with you, not only just in life, but we'll heal you in those dreams.

I know you're sick of the nightmares,
forever wasting headspace away
you dont need to forget rest, ***
your life will last another day.

you know I support you,
but love it's time to stop them now,
they'll only stay if you keep them
and now its time to let them go

you know he won't hurt you
you're just afraid and not used to love
but I promise you, He's waiting, his eyes look at you from above

you're his beautiful creation
forget flaws and embrace who you are.

I'm right here beside you,
I'll be here for you
but I cannot heal your soul.
do your best to live your life,
dont spend it digging a hole.

He'll be always with you,
He'll see when you're hurting
and it's ok to make mistakes,
look and he'll find you
he'll do all he can for your heart is at stake

He loves you beyond all,
no wondering why
so reach for us both please,
or if you just reach for one at least,
we will never be able to say goodbye
LP S Apr 5
I cleansed myself of everything that was left of you.
So in turn,
I disappeared too.
For so much of me,
had been you, for so long,
I wasn’t sure there would be anything else.
You had crawled under my skin,
made your home in my headspace,
and you just... lived there.
Unkempt and untamed.
Wreaking havoc.
Weaving your smirk through the darkest corners
like the cobwebs that never seem to have a keeper.
Appearing in dark corners with no other evidence of the architect.
You were the spider,
that left your masterpieces for me to stumble upon
before retreating underneath the memories you thought I’d never unpack.
The pile of film reels,
Our first kiss,
the last kiss..
Everything in-between.
There, you hid waiting,
for my guard to come down,
Something, anything, to remind me of you
giving you time to weave your last words to me
in your silken strands
So that when I returned from nostalgia,
there they were.
You needed time.
You needed space.
You were sorry,
because I really was great
But it wasn’t the right time...
All the *******.
All the lies.
Enough now.
So I went into every corner,
cleaned out every crevice,
scrubbed down every wall with bleach,
until all the remained of you,
and therefore all that remained of me,
was that empty room,
and a hollowed chest.
And when I finally found you,
cowering underneath the last cardboard box,
the one with the last of the memories
of how you used to look at me,
I killed you with my shoe,
walked out of that room,
and slammed the ******* door behind me.
Kenji Mar 10
"Thought I found a way, a way out, but you never go away...
So, I guess I gotta stay.
Isn't it lovely, all alone, heart made of glass, my mind of stone, tear me to pieces, skin and bone."
"Somethings on my mind, Need to get out my headspace..."

Tear me to pieces, rip me apart, kiss me slow, hold me down, and touch me low.
Feel the flow. Gradually pulling you towards me.
Holding you close. Take me out of my head space.
I don't know what feels true.
Let me crawl inside your veins.
Hide you away, lock you up in my treasure chest.
Keep you, you're mine.
Take my wall down, let's do the unthinkable, I think I'm ready...
I learnt to lose, can't afford to anymore.
Billie Eilish _ Lovely inspiration
Sahil Sharma Aug 2018
Thoughts toiling in my headspace can't be put into thesis..
Just one word was enough to shatter my heart into pieces..

Looked like,for me, we two are made for each other..
But she just smiled and said 'move on,you will get better'...

How easy it was for her, but was hard for my heart to understand..
Surrounded by clouds of solitude, didn't look for some other hand..

Almost gave up everything i could have, only in her desire..
Perhaps i wasn't that special to her, but love never gets expire..

Though had daily meets for few year, yet two were standing apart..
Couldn't pause those moments as time rolls down like cart..

Travelled a bit longer distance to share some more time with her..
None to blame,only my shallow expectations made me suffer..

Every moment spent with her is still alive in my mind forever..
Like the day and night, our destiny couldn't help us bind together..
han Sep 2018
I live in my head
so much sometimes I forget
I am in a room full of people
that I'm not just a spectator to reality
how can I be so outgoing, yet so socially awkward?
Jamie Dec 2018
These uni kids are smashing coke
Rolling up with daddies notes
Every night is a story to tell like an anecdote
Next morning flick to the camera roll  
They make and change plans and go back on their word like a palindromes
Revealing photos of them carrying traffic cones holding them like their atlas stones
The lines they rehearsed were more insignificant than a cameo in a B part acting role
They just want some escape
So they take White that liberates
But find themselves stuck in a position like a casting mould
Anxiety takes control
Hands shaking like Lee Harvey Oswald gripping an optical scope panning towards the grassy knoll
Debauchery is gonna run up in these kids headspace and kick off the latch
Most of them mesmerised by the white stripes they start to believe a seven nation army couldn't hold them back.
University Twitter: @JxmieHxll
leaving is relative.
"you"is just a view of an elephant
up close.
melt a bit,
then tell the splitting
elegance you'll help it
blend back into the hues
you've given different
pet names to.

a ruse?
a route?
a mutiny?
a few ravens loot putrification
of any useable patience
in the pay-to-play waiting game.

get over it
or some beauty sleep.
An event
momentary clarity
shaken delusion

An event
momentary clarity
shaken delusion.....

an event.....
AngelAutumn4 Dec 2018
My passion’s dead or simply dying,
And though I’m trying to understand what’s left,
I’m finding it impossible to make any headway,
In a headspace so jam packed with memories and remedies for things I don’t even know about, I have my doubts about what I can trust, but if I must listen to my thoughts I’ll quit chasing what I think they forgot, and listen to myself for once even though it’s just a shell upon a shelf of losing touch.

— The End —