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Data Apr 2018
While space is a place in which people reside, it is

likewise a matrix of places where people once died
through which you may pass on your way to the park,

or to have coffee, or across that crossing when the
light changes red and the traffic stalls. See! on that

third, fat-white-zebra-marking, if you bend down (not
too long) and look hard, you will notice a rust-coloured

stain where she had lain with her life punched out
and strewn about as tangles of purple & ruddy viscera.

Don’t let your foot catch on that memory; she may
grab ahold and her panicked eyes may linger in your

gaze with a seduction like vertigo; I know, I know—
you are far too sensible to notice the unseeable,

as your scurry, in your hurry toward your inevitable end,
bound in a swirl of importance: you billow into the world

with the resolve of blood leaking from a cracked skull.

Yes, I heard her body hit the road with a crepitant
thud…
              I’d called for an ambulance but those arms
and legs athwart, twitching, I thought, ‘ It’s too late

for a rescue, or resuscitation, or repair.’ Look, there is
still more to do here: We set up a cordon constrained

with bright-yellow tape, and mark a shape that traces her
last imprint with chalk, and we measure the distance

between things, and around things and we speculate
upon the causal probabilities of that moment when

being left her; we blame the fates and the failure
of mindfulness in those moving too fast for proper

attention; we accuse god of purpose and of plans,
and we try to scrub the stains off every surface only

to replace them with dull epitaphs whose carved words
endure even after every single memory is wiped clean.

All those empty spaces cluttered with what was once
remain enlivened by a past of (now) unseen spectacles

in which spooks, measuring spills, are wondering,
How much blood does it take to make the ground holy?

__________________­__

by Data © April 2018
dandelionfine Oct 2018
i set the tone with notes of my choosing
and nobody knows the tone
except for me, of course,
i am the divine mood-setter
tone-changer
a deity of DJ-ing
i control how i perceive the world through my
tangled-up, battered, white headphones
they croon to me
just me
and they whisper thoughts in my ear
so when the world becomes too loud
i can cancel it out with more sound
and nobody knows
it's my secret
i walk around the hallways with tangled-up secrets
and they keep me awake
and your secrets get tangled up with mine, sometimes
and it's so easy to get lost in the music
i'm getting lost
i've been walking in circles now
looking for you
i look for you, hallway after corridor after whatever
wires drip from my ears, and it's all my secret.
slay Sep 2018
Pleasure remains, but so does the pain, I’m going insane

Are you talking to me? Nah, I don’t think so
Are you asking me if I am mad at the world?
Well I’ll have to think, I guess, maybe? I know!
But I really can’t hear you, I have in headphones
Can we take a break? Cause I gotta smoke
Yes, and each one, it is killing me slow
Well technically fast,
E-R the better
I’d love to be deader than how I already feel in my guts on the inside
Black tar suffocating the fluids inside of my spine —
*****, you are a dime

Pleasure remains, but so does the pain, I’m going insane

“Why you so guarded?” Can’t get this enough
Please shut the **** up, my feelings are stuck
I can’t get enough of the **** from the plug
To put me in a coma from smoking too much
Every time I come thru, I water his buds
He got that good good
that fefe
That neek neek
Good gas got me prerolling
His blunts for the morning
When I'm not high, I'm boring
It's my niche through the torment
To numb all external stimulation endured on my journey
In the basement of a haunted house with all Windows boarded

I'm lonely!
Hopelessly, truthfully, desparingly torn between
Extending my warmth or further retreating
I just wanna die without leaving my momma cleaning
The mess of myself all cold and depleting, and
Soaking the carpet to live or to be in
i just wrote this *** imstill working on it
elaine Jul 2018
We are silent until we die,
As we die we inhale our last breath, and exhale a shout into oblivion. Shouting all that was not said and all that could have happened.
While you are screaming though, you question why you never said this while you were alive. Where people could take in what you have to say and possibly change. But then again how could you scream to a world with headphones in and music turned all the way up to drown out the sounds.
Third Eye Candy Jun 2013
The Buddha slept under the night sky on His back
eyes open; fearless love looked up. humbling the majesty
of the Void's gift.

eyes fixed... both peerless.
first among equals.
but transcendent.

The Buddha,
wearing grass-stained robes
chose a blank spot
for a blank stare

" Nowhere Girls are EveryWHERE "

He thought, astonished.

a moment after
where once He stood
there Was No
spoon.

[ PART ii ] NOT THE KOAN BUT THE KOAN THAT YOU GOT

on the X-ray zen splints were clearly spidered webs in ghost bone... how should I feel that my sensei saw the X-ray first?
life is where the answer to this question is a real thing draped in ominous clarity like a town fool, the beggar foreclosing
on your house of cards, the winged swine and some guy named Patrick having a smoke in your face; the mailman, who
always looks so serious about your trivia in a blue hat... who always trips over your precious dying very potted plants!
yes, all that, or maybe not. saute some fresh green kale in olive oil with fresh garlic
[ give it to me ] and i'll tell you that was very thoughtful, and right then;
it would also be
true.

for a minute there... you and i were typing you reading this part.
these are the diamonds.

my exposure to the radiation is everlasting in the middle of it's brief long duration
my ghost bones wear new flesh like iPod headphones, don't hate the player
[ better yet ]
make a macaroni necklace. go wild. be reckless.
it'll cost you an ounce of real kimchi
from the motherland
with the ****
sister.

i wouldn't put it pass you. cause that would be clairvoyance, and you already know!
a loose tooth entrenched in candy apple can't taste your stupidity but has bad dreams!

some people will always look at you the wrong way and appreciate
how you sat perfectly still for hours; you only took a break to suggest
a better room with southern exposure to eastern thought.

when you threw in a Tripod, they knew you were somekinda somethin'.
and they knew it all along
but juuust wasn't
sure.

and kumquats are quantumly eaten.
King Panda Dec 2016
Little lashes
Bopping on heads
Off goes one
In drool and
Headphones
The big green monster
The mousey placemat
The heavy breathing of congestion
The one lullaby
The one mother
Your little boy world
I love him through  
You
Christian Ek Mar 2014
On a vehicle bed I voyage, wearing
headphones which lead the way.
Repelling neighbors screams, these jolting sounds travel through my body, breaking locks and knots.
Unraveling the fabric across time and space.
Is there anybody out there that feels the music flow sensitively ?
I enter myself more deeply, I lose myself to the voices and words of chemistry.
I lay in ecstasy frequencies.
Becoming one with musical melodies.
Jordan Hudson Dec 2017
As pressure is sent to the keys below
Sound rises from the speakers you know
Only to cause vibrations of sound
Straight to our ears going brain bound
If it’s too loud people begin to stir
Gradually turning it down to just a quiet whir
Almost to the point where it cannot be heard
Headphones are the only way, sure
Use them and no one will hear
The wonderful sound playing in our ears
Just listen to one more note
As it travels around your head like a castle mote
Rushing and rushing causing your mood
I would be careful of what you listen to
Trapped inside for a long time
Did you notice this is like music and it rhymes?
I just brainwashed you to listen to every word I say
I just caused you feel a certain way
That’s the danger of music itself
That’s also the explanation of why we can’t control ourselves
As pressure is sent to the keys below
Sound rises from the speakers you know
Only to cause vibrations of sound
Straight to our ears going brain bound
If it’s too loud people begin to stir
Gradually turning it down to a whir
Almost to the point where it cannot be heard
Headphones are the only way, sure
Use them and no one will hear
The wonderful sound playing in our ears
Just listen to one more note
As it travels around your head like a castle mote
Rushing and rushing causing your mood
I would be careful of what you listen to
Trapped inside for a long time
Did you notice this is like music and it rhymes?
This is about me playing my two keyboards
Allison Nov 2017
Unmoved by your arrival from the west coast,
ten thousand little things are different.

It’s October and the trees are on fire:
a forge that you won't notice, 'til you're gold.

Your Kicks don’t leave footprints on these cobbled streets;
even the children have old, leathery hands.

Try to paddle-board the Eno and the bass go belly-up:
that river’s for scattering ashes and making moonshine.

All they sell at Aldi is ethnic shampoo,
so now your hair twists like the roots you’ve lacked

'til now, because all you’ll ever need is two hands:
for prayer, and work.

Life moves on like a cigarette’s drag,
while somewhere Hope’s fiddle strums;

Take off your headphones and
go put your ear to an oak.
KE Oct 2018
Sometimes it feels like I've fallen into an ocean with my mouth wide open but instead of water I collect dust and dry out like an old antique

And sometimes I just snap back to reality where I'm in quiet room with the wind coming through the window where it fells like sometimes its too cold for me to be with out a cover or a sweater, or even somebody wrapped around me.

It's sometimes when I eat dinner I remember that meals use to be........short.
I'm happy I wasn't allergic to peanut butter because sandwiches were made out  of.

It's sometimes when I'm in love when I wanna fall to me face into rose petals.

But sometimes my headphones don't come off and it's sometimes when I sometimes and always keep going on
Catalina Oct 2018
Oceans of swaying arms
Holding skateboards or coffee

Remember, passerby’s eyes
Are not the same as horizons.
I move
Like I swim
That is to say
I know how to still my body
Long enough to float.

Gospel screaming to me
Through broken headphones,
The foghorn booms
“I’ll die when I’m mother ******* ready”
“I’ll die when I’m mother ******* ready”


Remember, upturned chin,
Never to stop.
When you find
Sunken feathers that cling to pavement
In unforgiving embrace,
You will build an alter,
And continue

To move
With two feet
And no grace
I'm on a train.

One of those red ones with black trimmed windows you can imagine rolling through the suburbs on the way to NYC. Not a subway car but a classier vintage with proper rows of cushioned seats and a lever to pull if there is an emergency. There are sparse shrubberies on one side of the tracks and the ocean on the other. Young trees and bushes stroll by.  A little wind is pushing off the ocean, massaging the car ever so gently back and forth as we move along. A gentle click-clack is on the tips of our ears.

We got on together. I hadn't known you for very long but the connection was stronger than anything I had ever felt or have since. You practically sat on top of me for the first few miles. Couldn't keep your hands off me,  staring in my eyes like you were searching for something lost but you couldn't remember what. The edges of your lips turned upwards permanently as if you were always at the verge of a laugh. You interlaced my fingers with yours and held on like you would be ripped away if your grip loosened for even a second. Slender fingers holding so tightly that they were becoming red.

You were excited to to be riding with me, about where we were going and all the things we would do when we got there. I would see you peer out of the corner of your eye, then lean over to brush your soft cheek against my budding stubble. Kissing and gently biting my lips insatiably. The suns rays coming in at an angle and lighting up your perfect smile and dimple.

I had to remind you we were in public.

I was lost in your blonde curls and the incense of your neck. I had fallen incredibly hard and so fast that my face hurt from smiling and my heart beat with vibrations I had never known. Not even a whiff of anxiety or neurosis. Some of the best memories of my life, as fleeting as they turned out to be.

I yawned and you put your finger in my mouth. I bent over to tie my shoe and you would poke my **** and laugh with your own reflection in the window, like this was the first and best joke of all time. Maybe it was and maybe it is.

The waiter came and informed us that a thing called "the bar car" existed. We both jumped at the idea. I didn't exactly notice at the time, during our excitement, but that's when the train started going faster and everything out the windows began to blur.

The bar car was a wild ride and we took advantage of our lo'cal. All kinds of fine wine, liquors and illicit substances were available. We tried them all. You were beautiful, your laugh infecting everyone around you, I was charming and held a captive audience.   It was a dark, loud and glorious blur. We were the life of the party and it chugged on till dawn.

We woke up in our seats, disheveled and discombobulated. It was dark out already. Did we sleep through the entire day? The train was slowing down, maybe approaching a station. The party was amazing but we were certainly paying the price for the black out. You moved over to the seat across from me to have some more space and lay down. I saw myself in the reflection. My hat, charm and smile from the night before had vanished. I must have left them in the bar car the night before.
      You had changed, beauty uninterrupted but different somehow. I couldn't put my finger on it. Irritated maybe? I invited you to cuddle and battle the hangover together but you ignored me. Like you couldn't hear me or didn't want to. I decided to let you be.

I got up to use the bathroom and thought I would go look for my scattered belongings. Maybe I could find a scrap of leftover dignity while you rested. I inquired to the conductor who directed me to the bartender in the bar car. He hadn't changed a bit, somehow untouched and unaffected by last nights antics that had effected me so dramatically.  Same black suspenders and white pressed shirt with impeccably slicked hair. I asked him what happened and if I had an open tab. While slowly polishing a rocks glass he looked up and made eye contact for a split second before looking away.
He said:  "Oh the bar car takes its toll. In the end we all end up paying one way or another". I still don't know what he meant by that or if he knew.
      I asked him if he found my hat and he said he would check the camera. We walked in to a small back room, while he was reviewing the tape, over his shoulder I noticed a tragedy.

We were drunk. I was going on to a group of new friends on one side of the bar, they were hanging on my words and I was eagerly explaining whatever nonsense they were drooling over. You were in the corner wearing that red dress I love, with your hair up in a tight bun. A few curls had escaped and brushed your high cheekbones, a thin line of pearls dancing delicately across your perfectly symmetrical collar. You were stunning and inebriated, swaying with each bump and motion of the train. A man wearing my hat put his hand on your side to keep you from swaying over and then he left it there.
I took a sharp breath.

It looked like you put your hand on his hand to move it but then it stayed and you both swayed together. As the air left my lungs and the blood drained out of my face I watched your lips touch the strangers. A small piece of my soul slipped away forever. I couldn't watch any further. When I asked the bartender how long it went on he fidgeted for a moment and uncomfortably muttered "quite some time". I never found my hat or the other part of me that left that day.  

The train slowed. I walked to the back, as far away from you as I could get, in utter disbelief. How could you? I thought to myself.
I mourned the loss of the you as I knew you yesterday, quietly and to myself. A tear  escaped my eye and rolled down my now fully formed stubble as I fell in to a random seat in mild shock. There were a few passengers back there so I had to pull together relatively quickly. After gaining some composure I knew it was time to get off. I knew we could never get back to yesterday morning though I would have said or done anything to do so.

The train had stopped. I went back to my seat and you were sleeping. I took my coat and gathered my things. The conductor looked at me confused as to why I would leave something so magnificent, I assume he had no idea what had transpired.   

I walked to the rear of the car and slid the door open slower than required. I stepped to the stairs and put one foot down on the step and the other on the ground. I stopped, rooted with my hand on the railing, lingering between two very different paths.
     I knew that it was time to get off, I knew this was the sensible thing to do, that I couldn't get past this offense regardless of how I had felt earlier the day before. The whistle screamed from the locomotive. The conductor looked at me and shook his head, I'm not sure if he was trying to tell me to stay or go but a decision had to be made.

The train lurched forward and I watched as the station slip away slowly. I sat in between the cars for a while and watched the ocean and birds. With a heavy heart and shoes I walked back to my seat. You were waiting. Crying. You knew. The bartender had told you. You didn't mean do do it, didn't realize what you were doing and thought it was me. He was wearing my hat and the whole world was blurry and dark.

I believed you. Self anguish mixed with alcohol was dripping from your pores. I knew you didn't mean it and were drunk, but could I ever forgive you or trust you again?

I loved you still.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection, a weaker version of myself looked back. As if an invisible chip in my teeth had developed and my shoulders lowered. The charming, confident man from the bar car the day before had been replaced. Something was off but not enough for anyone else to notice, just enough to know a change has happened.
       The train started to pick up speed again as we distanced ourselves from the station.  I second guessed my decision to stay but I didn't look back.

I found the man with my hat and punished him with a few blows in the dark. He knew he ****** up, apologized and took the beating like a man. I never got the hat back.

The engineer announced that we would be going through a tunnel soon and to turn on our lights and keep our hands in the windows.

It would be dark.  

We stayed away from the bar car for a while but the draw was irresistible. After a few hours we were there again but you never left my side.  Then you did. I was looking for you but you would disappear and not answer me when I called you name. The tunnel went deeper and darker and I didn't know where you were and I suspected you liked it that way. The train began to slow down again as we exited the tunnel.

I finally found you back at our seat, you had moved one row away from me. I asked you to come back, tried to hold your hands but you pulled away with vehemence. When I came back from the bathroom you had moved another row farther.
I knew I was losing you.
I begged you to return but you told me calmly that it was time for you to get off. At some point in the tunnel you had decided that you didn't want to go anymore . Your mind was made. You were going to catch another train at the next station.

When the train stopped I thought for sure you would reconsider but you didn't. Didn't even give it a thought. You just grabbed your coat and hat with one big bag under your arm. You kissed me on the cheek like a french stranger and were off. Going somewhere else on a different train. Just like that.

I rode the rails for quite some time by myself , many people getting on and getting off, passing me by. Every once in a while I would think I saw you at a station or in a **** though the window of another train. I often thought I could smell you but when I breathed deeper it was always gone. A ghost dancing on the edge of my senses.

A young girl in a headband got on the train. She was listening to headphones and dancing to herself as she bobbed along. She sat down in the seat next to me flashing a smile. She had a wedding ring on and I dismissed her immediately.  She didn't move from the seat or stop glancing my way. Eventually she confessed that she wanted to talk. I told her I wasn't interested but she persisted.  I hadn't talked to anyone on the train for quite some time and after some more mild persistence, I gave in.

We had a lot in common. We were both riding alone, desperately wanted attention and were thrilled to receive some.  After a few laughs she slid her hand in to mine and interlaced her fingers. I left it there. It was warm, comforting and wrong. She was married but I had been riding alone so long it felt good to have some company. She stayed and we talked. She was broken and I had a knack for fixing things. After a few hours of dramatic conversation I fell asleep with her head on my shoulder.

When I woke up  the train was flying up the track on the side of a mountain. Trees and rocks were a blur of green and grey. The engineer must be trying to make up for lost time I thought to myself.

The girl was asleep with her head on my lap. I looked down at her hand and the rings were gone. I woke her briefly to ask where they went. She said she didn't need them anymore and had thrown  them out the window.  She could of sold them, I said, but she said she just wanted them gone so she could be mine and fell back to sleep.  All of a sudden I couldn't breath. This train was roaring down the tracks, the once gentle click clack had become a loud hum. Suddenly too loud. This girl in my lap who had just gotten on the train wanted to stay. I considered her for a while as she looked up at me with big blue eyes, shining and wet, like a puppy in the shelter, terrified of rejection and desperate to be adopted.

At the peak of the mountain, just when the train began to even out, you waltzed back in to the car with a champagne flute in one hand and your bag in the other.

I don't know when or where you got back on, must have been a few stations ago when I stopped looking for you. Maybe you were wearing a disguise, who knows what you had been up to while you were gone. I'm not sure how long you were away but it was quite some time. That you had been through something was obvious, a new wrinkle had formed on your brow and you're once confident stride had changed to a cautious stroll. What actually happened out there I don't know.  I never asked and I don't want answers.

You looked at me and smiled. It was good to see that smile, like sun on my face on a brisk day.  You took a step toward me and then I looked down in my lap at the girl at the same time you did. I looked up. You and your smile were gone.

Everything I had begun to feel for this broken, head banded girl in my lap dried up like a puddle in  the dessert.  I quietly and gently nudged her awake and told her I had to use the bathroom. She put her head down on my coat and fell back into what ever trance she had been in, eyelids gently fluttering, eyes searching beneath them for what I would never give her.

I dashed up the isle and threw open the door, almost shattering the glass. The conductor glared at me and rolled his eyes as I barged past to the space between the cars.

There you were. Standing on the stairs with your head out the opening. The wind was blowing your perfectly formed curls around your head like a blonde explosion of familiarity. I yelled your name and you dove in to me. My senses erupted, my mind went numb as the train was nearing another station and I inhaled your essence greedily.

We moved to another car. I abandoned my coat with the married girl and never looked back. I hope she found what she was looking for. I  never could have been the answer she was so desperately seeking but I know I  helped steer her towards it.

You told me you had encountered some other people out there on the rails and they had reminded you of what we had when we first left the station. I never forgot.  

The train started to rock and get going again. We were back in the bar car and starting to brown out. We had to get off of this train right ******* now. In a desperate moment we looked at each other and put our hands, together, on the emergency brake cord. I looked in your eyes with your hand on top of mine. You kissed me while yanking down on the cord. Time slowed, the breaks squealed and everything exploded throwing luggage, people and the entire contents of the bar car in to a nondiscriminatory chaos . We got up off the ground, ran to the end of the car, dove off the side in to a soft patch of grass and rolled down a small incline. We watched as the conductor sifted through  the mess and interrogated the passengers, trying to ferret out the party responsible for pulling the brake. He spotted us off the side of the tracks and shook his fist while shouting every conceivable obscenity combination.

We laughed, held each other in the grass and kissed deeply.

We watched the train pick up speed and disappear in to the hills as relief spread over me.

You interlaced your fingers in to mine and we both looked out to where the tracks disappeared into the horizon, wondering how far of a walk it was to the next station.
Thorns Nov 2018
Shy Girl hides beneath her hood

Her hair covers her face

Her headphones blare a beautiful sound

Protecting her from this evil place

She is lonely

Mistreated

And loved only one guy

Who killed her inside

Her soul is dark

Crawling with demons and rage

At war with herself

"Which wolf will win? Good or bad? The one you feed."

If you had a heart you'd end her suffering

She hides this all inside

On the outside it's just Shy Girl
I stay hidden beneath the drapes of sight.
faith Mar 2018
what is joy?
is it music in your headphones?
is it the face of a little boy?
is it feeling renewed strength in your bones?
is it laughing for the first time in forever?
is it being applauded for your part in a play?
is it knowing that your past is in the place of never?
is it giving love to a stray?
i believe that joy is all of these and none at all,
joy is found in god and god alone,
joy is found in something small,
maybe joy is something we'll find when we're grown.
Venus in Scorpio Oct 2018
She’s never there when you need her
You’ll fall asleep and dream of
Your lips on her sweet curves
You need a different life
Sacrifice the time it took
To make her look your way
What is there to say when your breath gets taken away
And you see her face when you’re up at night
Dream of holding her tight
But that’s right
You’re out of sight
out of her mind
And she’s infused in mine
All this time
I’ve been without a home
Someone I know
Searching for a place of my own
I live in tornado country so I’m always on the move
My shoes have holes in them
My feet are bruised
And everyone is cruising by
What is there to do I sigh
Try something new I might
Give up on the system
There’s plenty of problems with playing the victim
But I’m not in control
Humility’s taken me with him
Let me go I try to convince
Along with my pride
But he slaughtered her before I could try
I wonder if she wonders why
I’ve been silent rhyming in my phone
I want to hold her hand, her body and I can’t
deprived of romance
Is there any chance what I want just isn’t there
And all I care is to make myself crazy the way she flips her hair
Or her lips how they’re just begging me to kiss
I wish she would give in
Give me a reason to lean in
But she plays this awful game
Doesn’t look at me the same she does anyone else
How would I know she’ll hardly show me her real self
And all I can help is to turn away
Plug my ears with headphones so I can’t hear her name
In an effort to stay sane
I pretend to disdain her
And It helps the pain temporarily
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