No one to talk too
My mouth is sore from being shut
My brain spinning with thought
I'd talk to the stars,
Even they didn't show up

The desert skies of royal hazey colors
New grounds for me
For others discovered

Through long plight before me
Spirits endlessly struggling

To bask
Alone
Under the hazey royal indigo
Desert skies

Enlightened wolves
Darkness despise

Rollin fat kush ****
Red lights on zig zags
****** haze got me high

Puff puff and pass it
Spark it and blast it
****** haze free my mind

Truth be told
I'd bet my soul.
I only get lonely in the mornings.
The cold breeds empty amidst the white light of the morning sun.
A good morning blue bird colors the hazey sky.
As the sunrise of solitude fills the air I ponder my soul.
I'd sell my soul if it turned back time to the place of orange sight.
A place in time before the silent night
To the place that lives in sets.
Where the sun waves goodbye and enters a full evening sky.
You are my only sunset.
I feel full at the peak of sunset.

can I even complicate
my continuum of thoughts?
if so, will I ever be able
to stop?
If I dig deeper
There's no air
There's no warmth
There's not a soul being
in sight
Oh, I'll
drown
won't I?

Oh my mind
It's ill-defined,
hazey
it's left me severed
I'm sightless.
did the unknown hinder a
blind tragedy?
They tell me,
We can pretend for awhile
So i'll pour the sea in my head,
I'll make it full again.
but my mind will only be
under siege
it's a temporary fix
Like leaking my dreams with
matchsticks

can I even complicate the patterns
that I inhale?
such a strange feeling
as if you can't grasp your mind
when your psyche
is flooded
What is real? What is mine?
To what extent is detachment twisted
When you can no longer
reach
the surface ?

I see an oceanic void where
the only movements are
the vibration of my bones
not radiating in dance; they're
shaking,
shaking
in this abyss

I get high and I don't think of you.
          ****** out of mind,               and somehow you're not on mine
  What do I do when all my reality is hazey and you're finally gone?
Soon you'll appear out from behind the fog in my eyes.
                               And haunt me.

Searching the hazey
mind's tomb
Dignity swirls and
Beckons to thine
Seeking soul's voice

We watch our dreams, hanging from a tree
Noose around the necks, but just out of reach
The venom from the roots will make us taller
Are we getting bigger, or is the world getting smaller?
This is a paradox
These hallucinations guide our way
And if walls could talk, what the hell would they say?

This ink on these pages are full of lies
We could learn to read it if we'd open our eyes
But the ashes of the past tend to cloud reason
So we shift and change just like the seasons
Trying and trying; the noise in our head
It just won't keep quiet, it just wont stay dead
So shut your eyes tightly and try not to scream
In due time we will learn what these symbols mean

The days become hazey, fading in and out
As you drift with the colors, breathe in through your mouth
Taste every emotion, the depressing shade of blue
You hate this notion, but now you know it's true
The world around us is shrinking
And society's left thinking
How to break through the static and become less automatic

Why does the sky change so much?
Something with so much control, we can't even touch
If only our souls operated the same
To be able to control all emotion and pain
At the drop of a hat
We become entangled in the tentacles of despair, and leave it at that
Like those dreams hanging there
We find ourselves to be the ones swaying in the air
With our thoughts skewed like water colors over canvas
We wonder if we really can handle this

Underneath the surface, we fragment
With every ounce of our hope spent
No one will see this
We hold it in
Until we burst at the seams
Becoming just as useless as our broken dreams
The moon weeps for us so often
As it's tears fall into the ocean
Hoping the ripples will calm us down
And that we still have the willpower not to drown

This ink on these pages are full of lies
We could learn to read it if we'd open our eyes
But the ashes of the past tend to cloud reason
So we shift and change just like the seasons
Trying and trying; the noise in our head
It just won't keep quiet, it just wont stay dead
So shut your eyes tightly and try not to scream
In due time we will learn what these symbols mean

The moon weeps for us so often
As it's tears fall into the ocean
Hoping the ripples will calm us down
And that we still have the willpower not to drown

Sun over the hills
barely there but
you still spark.
Wickedly mocking my every move
state your motive or give it up.

I can tell by that look in your eyes
that you mean trouble
but the aura in the moon
is hazey.
Can't read my mind but
neither can Houdini.

I search for nirvana
and attain immortality
don't waste his time or
blood and wine ye shall dine..

Sweat and Wastelands...

I owe my grandma 2 grand, the chronic abusing man
Drinking straight liquid THC if I can
Agent Cryptic the heart stroker
Thought provoker, the ATF sativa smoker uh
I like to praise Jesus in my stanzas
And these cheeks I'm turning em
The modern bard, throw down hard
With the Dialogues in my library, your philosophy is contrary
I'm not a shy Jew, for I am in service to you
When I fall in love, I can only go up
Ask the Lioness, only left cause of stress
She tried to help, then I put the Chuck Bukowski on her
(Why you wanna... choose drugs over me?)
Girl you crazy? The details, hazey
No time for manipulative ****
Mess with me I'll toss you in the Tartarus pit
My emcee act it's, hella bombastic
These lyrics I spit make your soul ecstatic
So if you wanna know how I flow, these Phi seeds I sow
With the bass low, making your speakers blow
Then let me get down

I tried to reach you through the scotch fog,
But there were so many **** bodies,
And this **** VW bus is broke down again,
And the blue lights are blinding my inhibitions.

Will you touch me,
While I burn this ****** thing,
The living walls are breathing,
And I need you to guide my hands,
The ether tremble, is floating in my breath,
And If you touch me, I will explode...
Will you touch me.

Your beautiful back bites best, like a beast,
It both cripples and cures,
Your strength shines from your shoulders,
And I can't get this **** bus started without you.
And everybody is laughing and complaining.

Will,
You touch me,
She said.

But this hazey maze, of brown liquor
Has me reaching blind.

Will you touch me?

The light can't recognize your face,
My clothing is intoxicated,
And your voice shifts in and out.
Take my hand,
So we can start this **** bus.

Sittin at my desk wrestin with casas testers it’s a mess in the west when they express they hate these tests I rest my head on the desk and try to take a nap, restless sleep as my guests are blessed with criminal success and some failure see they are in jail and your gonna meet me if you leave the streets and catch a rap maybe packin a strap thinkin you all that it’s a trap like chicky saying its your baby actin lazy head all hazey bout to go crazy but instead you head to the jail cell cant afford bail whinning and wailing set you mind sailing quit flailing and failing let jail bring you educational singing graduation bells ringing mamma bringing baby sister to the shindig, it’s a win win better community orientation with a chance at employment despite a conviction let go the friction its just a decision and I am given you the chance to start liven …..

we are gonna paint
Not an ideal
Nothing perfect

Just sort of soft focus
A hazey image

Not a monet
Something for you and I

muted soft tones
Like an oil pastel

This image inexplicably
This thought incomplete

No models
just influences

Colors or not
This blind eye waits

Still

you were everything
and i hate that you still are
even after you have her
and me lined up for when she
gets tired of you
or the other way around
and what do i have?
well i have an empty chest
and a couple pills
i've got the hope that i'm holding on to
(for whatever reason)
that you might
come back
i've got self doubt
and chewed down nails
bleeding knuckles
and a hazey mind
wow, it must seem like i have a lot
but i don't have everything
because everything doesn't
want me

Let me paint you a picture of this girl.

Imagine a witches cauldron
Heavy, haunting, metal.
Make it as big as a hot tub
As big as three hot tubs.
Fill it with a bright bubbling yellow cream.
picture yourself standing in it.
thick stringy mucus elastics from your wrists.
As you cook.
She is singing.
You are quicksand bound to this 90 degree boiling snot bucket
And she's singing.

Brown purple and green
Dancing in dreadlocks
Sprinkling a little clamshell of mermaid.
Cod peice of Prince
Naked now.
Starring at you.
Almost asking.
Mostly stirring in her own devices.

The cauldron smells less like boiling flesh then you expected.
It's more like a sweet hazey butter scent.
Like autumn squash.

This whole time you couldn't move, but now you don't want to.
She's so beautiful, dancing
Her small perky chest and curved swinging hips.
A tattoo, or a birthmark just above right where you want to kiss.

She traces your chin to tell you something.
You try so hard to listen over the crackling and popping of the thick yellow cream surrounding you.
With a soft whimper,
Biting your lip
Pulling your hair
Straight down back
Into the scalding liquid
goodbye into the melting ***.
Your eyes glaze over
Breath hot Thick Mucus into your throat.
Choke on the yellow soup.

And when you wake up.
your memory is of singing.
The brown green purple notes.
Her Perky chest, curved hips
Dancing.
A tattoo, or a birthmark,
Fuzzy, like you forgot some of the details.
You wish you could see her again.
Maybe it will help you remember.

Club doors smell of lady's potions easy kind of hazey.

Daily news of power, and fruit and punch.

Dj Spun, music so courageously.

With laser touching all there eyes.

Yet no irritation, you see they where protected by a small musical meldoy.

It was epic heads all head baging.

Fast pace music, slowed too jam to it with no penut butter.

See how I twist the version, call your favorite pill brewer and we will trip.

Today is cloudy with a slight breeze, while it should be sunny
It seems to be cloudy because the sky is left without words to describe the gray

The air even tastes different today
And the feeling in the air brings apon a case of nostalgia
a feeling that becomes of sorrow
Just like memories

Memories
Why I cherish the love of memories, but they do not of me
Memories have a colorful and colorless beauty to them
Paradox some would say
The color is often found in the rececpicrol of good will, but eventually the nuance of them becomes hazey and dreadful to bare
Memories--
I could laugh--
the weather today is something like you.

I think I'm starting to lose it
Whatever 'it' is
      Whatever I 'thought' I had...

Is it all really just a hallucination?
       Because I really don't want it to be just another illusion
And if it's an illusion
       Then this is the scariest best thing to have happened in a long time
Illusions of you in times...
          When I want time to just stop 'being' time
Because time passes, and sometimes it can be so very unkind,
       And I wish sometimes that I could rewind,
So that I can freeze frames of time.
But I can't, can I?
       And it's not because I haven't tried,
    It's because I've tried and I couldn't capture the warmth that you ignited like a fire when I was in your presence.

But by bottling all my emotions away,
     Until it seems like the skies could not get any more grey
          Because they look like they would overflow because it's filled      with so much tears and pain and strife and starving due to loss of hope and finally given up on life
   And everything inside of me just wants to stop functioning
          Just wither away like crumbled walls and grains of dust
            not in existence.

That's when I'm close to the breaking point
  Of no return.
That's when I lose myself.
   Because it all becomes a mashed up blur of visions...
And suddenly everything seems so calming'n'clear.
    And somehow....that's the only time that 'time'
Seems to be kind enough to me...and slows down.
S
   l
      o
          w
               l
                  y
Trapping me in a place where I'm connected to you
      Not through imaginations or tricks of the mind....
But in some other wonderful state of matter...
Because in that place, i feel at home...and for once 'I' actually
m   a  t  t   e  r

&I; don't know if I'm supposed to,
        be able to...feel things so much more than I should.
They say missing the ones you love is natural,
       But what is natural,
about something that...terrifies you and mesmerizes you at the same time?
Makes you glad to be alive and yet i still feel like dying? because i'm stuck here without You.

You.Human by flesh
You. So ridiculously annoying
You. So full of contagious laughter and positive vibes
You. The divergent. The one that words have not yet been able define.
You....the person who stumbled across Me
&Mad;; me feel
b e a u t i f u l.

You...the one who put the northern star to shame,
Because nothing burns brighter than the light
that refuses to stop flickering
In your eyes.
You...the one who says the words i can't seem to find.

But when missing you flips without a notice
      Zooming me down lanes of emotion extreme
            And I'm no longer me
I take on the form of frozen ice stiffness
       Numb in my limbs
           Struggling to hold back the waves in my eyes
                Because....
iKeep seeing you there but you don't seem to see me at all.
You'reLike a ghost from the past
        ButYou look more real to me than I've ever known
.a l i v e.

And I keep hearing your voice in strange places...
            Calling my name.
And i'm screaming out loud and the tears are streaming and pouring down!
But you still don't see me....
                and I'm standing right here, so why can't you see me?

Then i realise,
Peace no longer seems to resonate
Where it once did.
It has been drowned in the echoes that surround my very existence.

I see you. still.
I hear you. still.
                &I;'m trying so hard to reach out to you. still.
But you're not really here, anymore.
& that's when time stands.still.
The realization doesn't fit, right.still.
In my mind you're.....still.....here.
But....still.
I tell myself.
If you where there, you wouldn't let me feel so deathly chilled
So deathly cold.
So empty'n'shallow
So hollow that I can hear my own echoes.
Bounce of the walls suffocating me..still.

You wouldn't leave me lost. in this still-ness.
You wouldn't be looking for me as I am you.
You'd find me.

And I'm pulled out of my daze
& the haze lifts
Yet it...still...hurts
I'm so misreble without the blurry'hazey'dazey'maze
Because without you I'm so conflicted'n'confused
Without the nightmares...
Forcing me to stay alive, to survive, to find a way....
I'm forced to awaked to a cold flush of realities.

That...
1)You're just not here anymore.
2) I can only see you in figments of my imaginations.
3) You're a fragment of a past I can't seem to let go of.
4) You're Simply....
G
    o
        n
            e            
          ­       .

Everything's fuzzy and cloudy
Heads spinning
Drousy
The walls peeling
Eyes red
Throat bleeding
Its cottony skies
That keep me from breathing
My chest heavy
Cant stop from heaving
When I cant stop
All I do is drop
The words in my head
Dropping on the pavement

I'm not entirely sure what I'm feeling
But it feels euphoric.
It feels like the smell of coffee at 6am on a winter morning.
When the sun slowly begins to shine its rays.
A warm hand on a cold thigh.
Morning neck kisses and hazey vision,
Arms that wrap around a restless body,
Settling nerves and letting comfort drift me to sleep.
Comfortably numb.

He had lots of pretty white snow falling in front of me. I couldn’t help but dipping my pinky in and snorting some lines. A white hazey day, the snows been falling all day. It’s no fun inside, look at all the snow outside. We can build a snow man and build our dreams high. Don’t think about the consequences. Snow never melts when your in a white haze. Did you think a girl like me would say no? You build me high and turn me meek. I snort lines down by your feet. We tweak and forget to sleep. Can you hear me screaming down by the creek? It might have only sounded like a shriek. Happy binge week I hope to see you next week.

(C)

Humming calm
In deafening crisp stillness.
Lily flowers opening
In hazey enriching heat.
Little forests of tangled bounce
Trickling along the glossy wet;
Dripping bubbles of purest charm,
Rippled waves of scarlet blossoms.
Smooth gliding falls
Singing whispers ecstasy.

Shallow breezes departing
Amidst dissolving grace.
Changing face
To fly.

It took months for me to merely acknowledge the downwards spiral
To identify the source of my destruction
Was the night you took my sadness and tears
as some kind of seduction

And now, with hindsight being 20/20
I see the unhealthy, victim that you made me

I binged on addictions in order to halt thoughts from rising to reality
Numbed my mind, emotions, and morals
Convinced myself that my actions were out of strength,
self knowledge and discovery….

But they were not

Unhealthy habits spiralled into self blame
Attempts to cope with a loss of self worth I could not explain

Masking pain with parties and loneliness with lovers
Spending nights weeping into someone else’s covers

Weeks of weeping, wailing and wallowing
Unable to utter why
It was that hazey nightmare I was swallowing
And all I could do, was cry

I remember your gaze
Filled with trust and a harmful hint of lust
I remember your hands gripped on my hips
But I don’t remember any sort of kiss
on my tear soaked lips

Too detached to put up any sort of fight
I lived a nightmare that i will never forget
Eyes stalking and my conscious mind taking flight
Then My body bent on the couch, dripped in sweat

I awoke, uncomfortable on that cheap little couch
And arose to join you sound asleep in your bed
But as I did so, you awoke to reach out
Commanding me to “Stay down there” as you shoved my head

I left that moment
Like a rejected creature not even worth your company
You felt shame and disgrace at my presence
And I became empty in my essence

Pain encompassed my being and made me mute
Until after months I  realized my self-destructive tendencies
Had a root

I know they say that time heals all wounds
but they fail to mention how or when your life will resume
It is a promise for an ending that you so badly want to believe
For a life beyond the past for which you grieve

I realize now that time isn’t some gracious healer; patient and kind
It doesn’t give a **** about the tears shed, innocence lost or souls left behind
Time keeps passing, that is all we can say fo sure
And in that simple truth, I found my cure

After months of wasting away in my own mind
I spoke my truth to a friend and was released from denial’s bind
For so long I fought my reality for the fear that it made me weak
But acceptance of my truth brought nothing but relief

Is love logical?
Is it topical?
I beat the tree and nothing falls.

Is it random?
Is it fandom?
I'm your biggest fan, so please sign!

Is it something?
Is it nothing?
How do we understand it all all?

Is it wishing?
Is it kissing?
You've got yours, so where is mine?

Is it easy?
Is it greasy?
Like driving a car down the highway.

Is it crazy?
Is it hazey?
Where does this road take us?

Is it fate?
Is it dates?
Let's do your way, then my way.

Is it make believe?
Is it what we conceive?
I don't think anything could shake us.

Is it ***?
Is it a hex?
Hypnosis at its finest.

Is it a look?
Is it the books?
Are our ideas the same?

Is it math?
Is it a craft?
Times. Divide. Add. Minus.

Is it art?
Is it open farts?
Could you never be ashamed?

Is it true?
Is it you?
I'm not sure, but this time: us.

Is is tame?
Is it lame?
We'll  never know if we don't try.

Is it perfection?
Retrospection?
I remember a time when we were happy.

Is it doused?
Is it when you buy a house?
Things are getting dry.

Is it news?
Is it confused?
I just want something sappy.

Is it the cat?
Is it the rat?
Which one did it?

Is it pride?
Is it a ride?
Rollercoasters are for kids.

Is it soul mates?
Is it sulfate?
Which one is it?

Is it fun?
Is it like the sun?
I just want to close the lid.

Hello everyone
This is my goodbye

Tears I never knew I could shed so many tears
They cloud my vision and make everything hazey

My head
It pounds and pounds
Thoughts of emptiness
Broken relationships
And taped mouths
Silent I’ve been silent for so long

I feel like my body is humming
But it’s song is shrill and out of tune
Nothing makes sense
It’s chaos it’s just noise
Noise that no one will miss

Hello this is my goodbye
As I sink into the darkness of my mind
Captivated by the thought of ending it all
Taking steps forward but not moving an inch

Working so hard for little reward
Seeing gray clouds when you prayed for sun
Watching as each person you know crumbles in front of you

I’m asking for a reason to stay
I’m asking for a chance to breathe
But all I have is nothing

Hello, this is my goodbye, not my final one.
Not yet.

The Sea speckling waves, I -
Watched the seafoam stretched
Yonder - azure and proud -
Upon the sea cliff,
Standing tall peering down,
Waves crashing upon the
Seashore shivering cold.

Lost in poesy, alas I -
Peered down the air
Gelid, humming from within a
Gilted and melodic tune -
As thrice I looked back
Your sordid gaze a hazey
Interlude to the crimson tide.