A diamond is made 
From pressure and stress 
The carbon and heat
Create hardness

From ashes to beauty
Just dirt purified
From hard circumstances 
And persistence combined 

A diamond withstands
The harshest force
It's cut by itself
From the initial coarse

Nothing can scratch
Nor its perfection mar
And from its hard ordeal
It bears no scar

It is the strongest substance
Won't bend or even give
No heat, impact, or tension
All else it will outlive 

Diamonds are an image
They serve as a display 
For something that's much harder
And endures through any pain

Diamonds worn around the finger
Bound to a golden ring
Represent the marriage pact
That outstands everything

Love that never, ever fails
Love that keeps its word
Love that lasts throughout the storm
Love that's tested sure

A diamond shines for all to see
It glitters in the light
And the love that's in the heart
Shines in the blackest night.

Exhausted

The Heavy Bronze Doors
Are Loudly Closing Down
Fading Away The Darkness
Which Was Giving Me Warmth

But I Do Not Care Anymore

I can Hear The Silence
Pounding In My Ears
Reminding Me The Fool I Was
To Have Ever Trusted

But I Do Not Care Anymore

I can Feel The Bite
Of The Words From The Cold
Even Bitter Than The Harshest
As Never Appearing

But I Do Not Care Anymore

I can Fell The Loneliness
Echoing From Within
Where The Hope Resided
Which Left Me Wounded

But I Do Not Care Anymore

Time Has Finally Reached
Tearing Apart The Intemporal
Finaly Exorting From Me
The Last Tear I Was Cherishing

But I Do Not Care Anymore

To Much I Have Cared For Emptyness
To Many Times I Have Shouted in the Void
To Many Times I Dreamed For Despair
To Much I Have Loved For Destruction

But I Do Not Care Anymore

I Am Just Exhausted
This Life is Just the One To Much
The One Which Will Finally Destroy
What Was Created To Ever Last

But I Do Not Care Anymore

I Just Want To Sleep
Silencing The Howls In Me
Forget The Ever Suffering
Close The Heart To Pain

But I Do Not Care Anymore

I Just Lay Down
Desire Of Peace
Begging For Relief
Praying For Retribution

But I Do Not Care Anymore

For I See Her Coming
Her Dark Wings Extanded
For Me She Is Crying
As She Was Not Meant To Kiss Me

Death

Warlock

No Judgements [37]

Judgements,
judged upon men,
judgements,
cast upon him,
assumptions,
cast a wide net,
haven't we realized yet,
that if he without sin,
shall cast the first stone,
then obviously,
no stones shall ever be thrown.

We've all sinned so who are you to judge the actions of another mortal man?

Judgements,
judged upon men,
what is sin,
where is that line,
& how does one know,
they’ve crossed it once they've crossed it?

What's the difference between ingenuity & insanity,
between those that have it together & those that have lost it?

Only difference between a Genius & a Mad Man,
is one is more successful than the other in society,
one made a way to express their insanity in the form of productive creativity,
while the other finds communicating effectively to be an impossibility.

Possibly there is no such thing as sanity,
possibly there's no such thing as individual things,
possibly there's only one & we're all part of The Mandala,
possibly there is nothing at all except everything.

I mean,

What is Good?

What is Evil?

What are Blessings?

What are Curses?

Where do we define these fine lines,
& if we do define these lines where are these lines defined & who can say,
& how can we have divisions within the different religions,
when all of everything & everyone is just One with The Divine anyways?

Anyways,
until we make up our minds I'll just continue to write these lines upon lines,
writing lines on lines,
to try & define the Divine of this present point in time,

I write lines between lines,
so when you read between the lines,
of the lines written with lines you’ll eventually find,
that in order to find your Self you must first lose your Mind,

listen in order to feed your Soul you must first starve your Ego,
you are not who you think you are so just let your idea of your Self go,

let no line no matter how fine or well refined,
come between you your design & your connection with The Divine.

I’m,
attempting to explain the unexplainable line by line,
please have some patience because translating something ancient takes time,
& yes enlightenment is elusive but it is attainable if you just take your time,

it just takes exercising your virtues,
it just takes holding onto your morals,
it just takes letting go of your sins,
it just takes letting go of your judgements,

no need to pinch your penchants,
or itch your itching,
let go of your wants let go of your desires,
let go of your hopes & all of your selfish wishings,

there’s an abundance of loveness,
& you’ll get it all if you just start giving,
there's love yes & Love, yes, to be one with the Oneness,
you must confess then forgive your sinning & forget all your misgivings,

along with forgiving all the rest of our Collective's wicked shortcomings,

give up on giving in to their terror of errors,
& instead give love & hugs & start living as a radiant personal public prayer,

one word at a time word for word verse by verse layer after layer,
attempting to explain in measured frames the pain & the pleasure,
the spirals in this ****** cycle of survival commonly known as Samsara,
this alliance of violence & gestures from aggressors that'll continue forever,
until we alleviate the pressure from the oppressors by correcting our karma,
with the power of positive energy which when measured together,
will overcome all oppressors with gestures of open-ended pleasure,
as we become Treasures of Unmeasured Tremors in Splendor,
Senders of Centers of Lovers not tempered by the spectrum of gender,
The Bearers of Stellar Nectar straight from The Creator,
the entire Light Spectrum that comes from us Interstellar Specters,
plus every other thing & soul that’s breathing in this entire epic adventure,

as we embark,
on this endeavor together from then till now till forever,

but just when I start,
to think it’s all going to get better,
& I start to repent & give thanks to The Inventor,
I find myself sink back into the lair of Sin & Terror,
that place where we are hastily judged biasly by our errors,
& all our accomplishments are overlooked,
just because of a few miscalculated risks that we mistakingly took,
& all of our merits seem to be in vain & we feel shook like moral crooks,

because it seems we messed up once more are deemed ******,
instantly judged discriminately & forced to repeat the whole cycle again!

Judgements,
judged upon men,
judgements,
cast upon him,
assumptions,
cast a wide net,
haven't we realized yet,
that if he without sin,
shall cast the first stone,
then obviously,
no stones shall ever be thrown.

We've all sinned so who are you to judge the actions of another mortal man?

Judgements,
judged upon men,
what is sin,
where is that line,
& how does one know,
they’ve crossed it once they've crossed it?

Judgements,
judged upon men,
what is sin,
where is that line,
& how does one know,
they’ve crossed it once they've crossed it?

What's the difference between ingenuity & insanity,
between those that have it together & those that have lost it?

See,
just when I think I’ve lost it,
I find judgement,
in the form of the Self imagined Sins of this Prophet,

sure,
I am not pure,
none of us are,
never will be nor were,

but we’re,
human beings,
being human,
just as we are & were,

so,
naturally we make some mistakes along the way,
&,
naturally we take each phase case by case stage by stage,

see we are all our own worst critics,
we are all our own harshest judge jury & executioner,
citizen’s self arrested mid-sentence while in progressive development,
which in turn then threatens to take all of our merits in forfeiture,
as the fat lady sings the gavel is hit,
we're sentenced but still we don't seem to be any closer to closure,

for us or for them or for him or for her,
because the jury’s still hung,
even when everyone’s gone home,
& the cage bird as well as the fat lady has already sung,

some,
times I’m,
wishing I could escape,
out of these self projected personal persecutions,

some,
times I’m,
wishing I could escape the spiritual surgery that these perjurious clergies, attempt to perform on me by inserting their ideals into me by way of intrusion,

some,
times I'm,
wishing I could be an explosion of pure Light,
infinitely expanding into the infinity of The Divine inclusions,

instantly a Super Nova,
riding the high seas like Noah,
instantly I see how beautiful & innocent you are in your confusion,

instantly I see how beautiful & innocent I am as well,
how beautiful & innocent we all are,
& how even just to be living in this miracle called Life,
is honestly a proper privilege, a true pleasure, & real honor,

it's an honor to be here & make your acquaintance,
so why waste time with biased judgements that're made with impatience?

See usually,
assumptions aren’t worth the bother,
see we’ve all had trials & tribulations in this hard life,
so we all deserve to treat & be treated a little bit softer & with more honor.

So let me be the first to say I honor you,
& I honor your magnificent existence in every way.

I Love You,
there is no higher truth,
please there is no need to judge me,
for I promise I will never ever judge you.

I love you,
so much,
& when you love someone this much,
there is no time or room to judge.

I love you,
so much,
always have, always will, it's always love,
I'll never stab, never ****, & will never judge,

I love your every atom,
ethereal I wonder if you are even real,
either way you're real enough to me,
to still have feelings & to still feel,

love.

Love?

Some,
times we must,
trust enough to break our own rules,
to,
realize that,
actually there are no rules,

we are all free,
we are all gifted,
we are all cursed,
we are all art we are all artist,
we are all dead last & alive first,
we are all everything that’s never been,
we are all everything that ever was & ever were as you were,
& of course we are all of everything in every sense of the word,
we are every story ever told we are every song ever sung or heard,
we're every word in every book ever read we're every line in every verse,
& we often leave last & arrive first arriving in a Benz & leaving in a hearse,
& we will be love non stop & always help heal each other even when it hurts,

& that is why,
I write all of this for you,
because when the world feels like a lie,
I need you to know you can always reach for these words & feel the truth,

prove,
nothing,
just move,
something,

& do anything,

& do it for the love,
just please don’t hate,
& please don’t judge,
because this is true love,

as it be below so it be above.

So let’s move with the movements & love the moments of love,
let’s let the judgements pass & let whatever lays in the past be what it was,
left to lay in the grass that way once everything’s been said & done,
we’ll still have this emotional epitaph to remind us like a photograph of us,

& I will always have your back,
even when our bodies are gone & we have no backs to have because,
when it's all said & done & we've righted all our wrongs,
all that will be left is us,

when it’s all over all you’ll be left with is you,
& me & all of our virtues because death doesn't separate us from our virtues,
& everyone & everything we loved will exist eternally except our enemies,
& in the end my friend you’ll I'm standing in the Light of Truth with you,

so,
no judgements,
no enemies,
only unconditional love,
& all of it’s intensities,

no,
judgements,
for once you remove the obstruction of the illusion of judgements,
only then will you find where the love went,

here,

waiting,
patiently for you to return,
so remember we reap what we sow,
& we get what we earn,

so no no worries & no hurries,
no stress all bless for sure,
& don't worry Love no rush because I will be here,
always have always will waiting patiently for your glorious return…

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

from The Holy Trilogy Vol. 2: Mandalas
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1721134158

When she says she hears voices rattling and battling in the deepest recesses of her mind, then it's time to beware, take care, and make choices saddling you and leave her behind.

     Shes a case study of its kind. That even Freud would throw up his hands, make a grand stand in his frustrations and demand a vacation to unwind.

She's all that and more.

She'll wrap a man around her fingers  make him putty in her hands,
leave him babbling in his mirror
trying so much to understand.
He should feel something, but just can't comprehend,
left a mute, numb, mumbling...
carcass, of a man.

She's like an itch that becomes a
scratch that's becomes a pestering,
festering ****, till you look down
horror bound as the ****** swollen
thing has taken on a life of its own...

then it starts maxing out your cards,
throwing your clothes out on the yard,
yelling hard. Snooping on your phone. Won't go home. Won't leave you alone.
Is it a wound or a woman or a woman or a wound or both  simultaneously, concurrently?  Yes and no.
Oh the trials and tribulations I've known!


You can really pick em.
Daddy used to say, in his haphazard way, and really lay it on me in the harshest of phrases,  meant to dazzle and daze me, rile and faze me, knock me a kilter off my normal day.


Son, you stimulate and exhilarate  the
spirit of an untamed, pained, wild
child woman and it'll be the same, and here this,
as an insane drain on the brain most personally and certainly and most notably and you can quote me.  It'll leave you feeling like the beach storming at Normandy.

People's lives are like far away places
and all we can see are their faces
and faint traces and flashes
of their soul when it seeps through the cracks
because it crashes at it's outmost edges.

It's as though we nearly think
that their soul is what they do, but no
and neither is it who they claim to be, or show,
it is where they have been, and where they shall go.

We gasp for air,  we grasp it there
that others must breathe too.
Somehow storms still shock us with their might,
somehow even when i dont want to, breathing feels right
Somehow i know that i was breathed to life

somehow sparks that set afire,
though they consumed all i was,
became small sprouts of life to spire,
from the hardest dirt i'd ever seen,
when i was the worst man I had ever been
they stalked my essence in the ashes,
saw through all of the smudges, scratches,
held me up to light and saw,
an image etched, demanding awe,
there it was, but with blurred edges,
the image of My god implanted,
seed within my soul to bear,
the harshest winds, the hottest air.


So, as above, so below
even stars search for somewhere to go
In me, i see my friend,
In my friends I see my end,
in my end i see beginning, so long as the earth is spinning,
and when finally it stops,
when we've all forgotten clocks,
then in heaven as on earth,
shall we know that all has worth,
and remember then shall we,
all the roots, of life, the tree.

Happiness
Is a gleaming diamond

It holds it's value
Through the harshest of times
Yet is so hard to reach

It's rare as gold
And sharp as a knife
That can stab you in the back

Happiness is a gleaming diamond
Rare as gold, so hard to reach

Carry on soldiers, and we'll pretend we don't notice you; the hollow shell/carcass of a wasp rotten black inside the window. Forgotten.

I'm sick to my stomach thinking of the rotten disappointment I'll become.

I feel the ties that bind us tighten, and bound our hands together as we crash into each other, and my love is the anchor that held this ship, and now pulls it down, churning, groaning, and bending in the middle. My hands on you go from desired to expected to pushed away, like a child treats their steamed vegetables.

I empty out, becoming the shell of what is a full man.
I empty out, becoming the shell of what was a full man.

Either that or I don't think much, anymore.

A bright blue police box spins through the sky
Over 50 years have passed, so no one bothers to ask why.
A Doctor in name, but no medicine dispensed
His adventures defy all common sense.

A Companion is always along for the ride
When the TARDIS lifts off; it’s bigger inside.
Our open-mouthed guide every step of the way
Their first visit extends to a permanent stay

The last of the Timelords or so people say
From a long-distant planet they call Gallifrey
Endlessly loyal with a mind second to none
He has never resolved a dispute with a gun.

He never seems to look the same for more than a few years
A fact that has left some in fits of angry tears
But everyone he’s truly known has felt a deep bond
Just ask Rose, Martha, Donna, Clara, or Amy & Rory Pond

Questioning the world and its traditions, his mind often lingers
On the tasty goodness of custard and fish fingers.
His personality leaves cause for some alienation
But what else can one expect after regeneration?

Friends often follow quickly in his tracks
Like Danny Pink, Madame Vastra, Jenny, & Strax
Otherworldly villains into our imaginations creep
Psychotic snowmen, The Master, Daleks, Cybermen, and unrelenting Angels that Weep

Dinosaurs in London, the Titanic in space
Motorcycles driving up Big Ben fast enough to win a race
Green forests of Sherwood; painting with Van Gogh
He can take us anywhere we want to go

And if when the journey stops your lips begin to quiver
Just breathe deep and imagine the Song of a River
Don’t go off the handle or fly into a rage
Open up a favorite book and tear out the last page.

That way, the stories won’t ever end and we can let them be
Soon another generation will come along to see
How a man whose true name remains unspoken
Can face life’s harshest obstacles and still remain unbroken

You peeled back
all of the layers of my existence
to reveal cracks
in my weathered being.
My soul eroded and destroyed
from the harshest of rains
and the most unforgiving storms

I've never stood on this side of "unforgiveness" before.


A whole different kind of pain that I've known nothing about, ever, in my lifetime.


A place, I never dreamed I'd end up.
I'd never done anything unforgivable before, to anyone.
But here I am in this.. Place, time, diminsion...


A place so sad and Harsh, uncaring and cruel that it  rips apart my very worth, a day at a time.
Leaving all of me mangled, on memory's cold, dusty floor.


I see myself through your eyes and even I despise myself.
I'm locked inside inaccurate details that somehow become hard lined truth and fact without reason or exception.

Only worthy of the harshest punishment.


Truth doesn't live here in this tortured place of long halls of funhouse-like mirrors created by your mind.. imaginary demons distort even the purest memory of who I really am, and what I was to you.


I should simply no longer exist like this, in my Un-pardonable grave of disgrace.  
Non-deserving of even the smallest shred of mercy.


Through your eyes I am a worthless *****, a liar and manipulator and heartless...
Or worse...


A faceless, nobody that you never knew.


I hardly recognize myself in this distorted view.
But who am I to defend my own worth to one who once saw me worthy to love?


I'm not worth fixing now or worthy of defending.
I'm  just a unforgiven act that can never be redeemed.


You can't hear my screams or my telling you that this isn't ME!
It truly isn't ME!


I whisper "I'm sorry's" into the dark, until even I'm tired of hearing it.
Helplessly and hopelessly I fell into places I've never been before.  
The darkest side of hate and disgust.


I'm not worth your words anymore or worth hearing.
Scarcely worth a thought.
Cast out and banned far away from you.
Nothing more than garbage beside the roadway.


I am no more, my feelings are muted.
I'm out of sight and mind, therefore I don't exist.


I am in fact.. Nothing.


Your thoughts of hate so sharp that it penetrates my shattered heart.
I can't even feel myself breathe anymore.
Not dead, but not alive.


I wish that I could bleed or die, but that would give relief that I don't deserve.


Untrusted, unloved and carefully judged and sentenced to a silent hell of hatred and death, that no human should ever see or feel.


I used to love seeing myself through your eyes and now I have to close my eyes because I'm too scary and disgusting to look at.


Doomed,  better off dead, am I, than to live unforgiven in this dark, silent torture..
Hated by the same heart that once loved me before my fall from grace.
Unable to plead my case before the judge who charged my sins.


So cold and unfamiliar that I don't even recognize the heart that I once knew as the extension of my own.


Now banished to a
literal hell without a door.


Copyright protected

Storing up the blessing of sky;
Dry arid season is here,
A drought of love; nature's harshest,
5,000 years of stories,
Silhouette of a rural African experience,
you cover the vastness of her land.

"Tree of life"
Whereas the breath of man was origin,
Folklore; stories of our elders and tomorrow's wisdom,
We are all children of the sun,
Bright skinned under the cooling shade of time,
Time as long as a tree has lived, and lives on.

Lest we be wise to store up our stories,
What will our generations remember of us,
Baobab trunk; store up the provisions, love, stories,
Time, blessings, and fruits of our labour at heart.

Baobab tree; blowing the wind,
A symbol of life in harshest of times,
We adapt to our environment; people all to thrive.

It is our nature.

I gave myself a bruise today
I didn't do it for fun
I did it for three reasons
This was reason one

I was born into a broken family
A broken family of four
It came to a point where this broken family
Just couldn't work anymore

I knew my parents wanted it to happen
My brother did too
They asked me, "Mom or Dad.
Choose."

I think I chose the wrong one
Because that one had a package
It gave me eternal scars
Ones that I couldn't bandage

Why did they ask me to choose
When I was only six?
It left damages that last forever
Ones that I cannot fix

That was reason one
Why I gave myself the bruise
They put all this pressure on me
But here is reason two

I feel like an outcast
Like I don't belong in this world
I feel like an ugly rock
While the rest are all pearls

Nothing I do feels right
I feel like I don't fit in
But it's not because of my
Face or my body or my skin

It is because of my family
People look at them weird
People say the harshest things
As if they couldn't hear

I know they are different
But why do you care
About what they do or who they are
Or what they wear?

That was the second reason
Why I gave the bruise to me
I understand that they are different
But here is reason three

I can't be myself
In my every day life
Because myself is unacceptable
And the opposite of lady-like

I like to yell
And play with the dirt
People say I wear pants
When I should wear a skirt

I like to wear my hair high
Up in a ponytail
I have stretch marks on my thighs
They are my years written in braille

I don't like to wear makeup
I think I look better without
Myself is unacceptable
Why can't myself be allowed?

I can't be myself
Because myself isn't approved
And that is the third reason
Why I gave myself the bruise

Worry* is a scurvy rat
It is a man's main bane
It chews on your self esteem
It nibbles at your brain
It will take your precious time
Your energies will claim
It will hobble your very life
It will make you lame
You may try to capture it
But that is all in vain

Doubt is like a cancer
It eats at your bones
It takes breath from your very lungs
It turns your mind to stone
It makes you feel incomplete
It makes you weep and moan
Under it's all-nagging pain
You will retch and groan
It is resistant to all cures
And you cannot atone

Fear is like a little death
It turns the heart to straw
It strikes like a rattlesnake
With poison in its maw
It's like a fascist dictator
Who makes the harshest laws
It can take your greatest strength
Make it pernicious flaw
Like a sadistic doctor
With a large chainsaw!

How can a person battle
Worry, Doubt and Fear?
How can our lives get better?
How can we have cheer?
Jack Daniels has no answer
It's not Budweiser beer...

It may be elusive
At first just like a wraith
But once you have a hold on it

The answer is our *FAITH.*


SoulSurvivor
(C) 5/27/2016

Hypocrite,
Hypocrite am I.

Cruel nature
plays the harshest games,
the fire-on-the-Cuyahoga,
****-splatter brain busters.
The city is cooled by her
harsh and horrifyingly
Maternal touch.
Snow falls attractively
on the dying city below,
picaresque and perfect
in this last-winter scene.
The two sky scrapers
pierce through winter's
frozen cocoon,
though envelop will be the
less threshed land.
Slums are ravished in snow,
spoiled by the cold
cold cold crying
of a maiden not warm.
I am buried beneath
layers of snow,
reddened when paled,
angered by my cooling.
Numbing comes with this
frenzied freeze,
like the kids down the street
who grow out their beards
even though they can't
grow their *****.
I am numbed
despite the fact that
Feeling is fruitful;
cruel nature does not wish
for such connections
to fall upon me.
Perhaps it is love,
and I would love to believe so,
that causes her to covet-
no, hoard me so.
Perhaps it is love,
and it so clearly is ringing in this numb numb numbness,
that causes her to bury me
in mountains of snow.
I am counting down the time
til my melt down,
as spring is not so long away.
Perhaps it is love,
and the rising flowers whisper it like jealous children oft do,
that she has always been
so deathly afraid of.
This is the spring of our love,
But we are not as springy as we should be.

Hypocrite,
Hypocrite am I.

Love's worshippers alone can know
The thousand mysteries that are his;
His blazing torch, his twanging bow,
His blooming age are mysteries.
A charming science--but the day
Were all too short to con it o'er;
So take of me this little lay,
A sample of its boundless lore.

As once, beneath the fragrant shade
Of myrtles breathing heaven's own air,
The children, Love and Folly, played--
A quarrel rose betwixt the pair.
Love said the gods should do him right--
But Folly vowed to do it then,
And struck him, o'er the orbs of sight,
So hard, he never saw again.

His lovely mother's grief was deep,
She called for vengeance on the deed;
A beauty does not vainly weep,
Nor coldly does a mother plead.

A shade came o'er the eternal bliss
That fills the dwellers of the skies;
Even stony-hearted Nemesis,
And Rhadamanthus, wiped their eyes.

"Behold," she said, "this lovely boy,"
While streamed afresh her graceful tears,
"Immortal, yet shut out from joy
And sunshine, all his future years.
The child can never take, you see,
A single step without a staff--
The harshest punishment would be
Too lenient for the crime by half."

All said that Love had suffered wrong,
And well that wrong should be repaid;
Then weighed the public interest long,
And long the party's interest weighed.
And thus decreed the court above--
"Since Love is blind from Folly's blow,
Let Folly be the guide of Love,
Where'er the boy may choose to go."

Staring down the harshest of truths 
Trying not to blink
The thought of your leaving has been tearing my heart
So I've been trying my hardest not to think
So will you be the one who'll put me on my knees?
Or will you bring me to my feet?
Am I gonna spend another night crying, begging please?
Will i once more taste defeat?
Or are we gonna take this thing
And turn it into love?
You know how much I care
And i believe you love me too
But I'm plagued by doubt
Cos it's happened before
I just couldn't take it if it came from you
So tell me again 
That we're gonna be fine
Kiss away my fear
Tell me again 
As I pour you some wine
And I open the last can of beer.

“Oh, you sorry fool

You’ve cut your fingers

Plucking on

my puppet strings

AGAIN!!

When will you learn?

Souls like his

Were not meant

for souls like yours

He will live his

whole entire life

And not once

think twice

About the color of

your eyes”


I jokingly tell my friends

That my daddy issues are

The root of these

crushes on older men

But they don’t know

the hurt

Behind those words

It is hard to explain how

The man I'm

sleeping with

Is/could be my

Dad!

Because of this

I now have

Borderline

Personality

Disorder


But I can't

Exactly

talk about

About what

happened

I try to tell my

friends, they

Say

“Well every

teenager

has mood

swings”

But they have

Not seen

How crazy

I can be!

I warn boys I am

crazy

they laugh

and

say

They’ve dealt

with crazy

Girls before

I am too

embarrassed

To tell them

when

They forget to say

goodnight to me

It feels like

the harshest

abandonment,

The cruelest

betrayal,

And I not knowing

How to deal with this

Constant denial


How do you explain

that to someone?

so blissfully unaware,

This boy

I love

with all

all my heart

And then some

Says he will

fight for me

And I so badly

Want to believe in his

promise

But he does not know

It will be a battle

against himself

Because I

Do not know

how to be

with someone

Because I

Am better off alone

Because I

Ruin people

I have a system,

you see.

I let boys put

Their tongue

in my mouth

Their hands

on my

chest

I let myself

believe

Ill fill the hollow

space in my gut

At least take my

mind off of it

And I always

make sure

They like me

more

Than I

like

them

Because

I cannot

be caught

Off guard

again

I remember

the day

I told myself

I didn’t need my dad

He has tried

to work his

Way back into

my life

And I hated

him for it

With all

of my

being

I had never

despised

a human

so much

so I let go

I stopped

Talking

to him

To this

Day

I still

Cry

he still has not

said sorry

Even if

I'd still

Feel

Nothing

The memories

are crushing

Feels so

Heavy

I cannot

forgive

my dad

For what

he did

To me at 2

Years old

And I have never

felt worse

about

Anything in

my life!!

So I take a

silver

spoon

And dig out

the parts

of me

That still

hurt

And I let

men crawl

inside

And I let

them build

a home

So I can finally

be good for

something

All my friends

Growing up

Called me

a ****

*****......

And I want

to scream

They don’t

understand

This is

the only

way I feel

I am worth

anything

This is the

only thing

I can feel

If I could have

it any other

way

I would

But this is the

way things are

And this

Is the way they will

continue to be.
#daddy #issues #**** #*** #men

Strong
Is the way you
Crawl through life's
barbed wires,
***** traps,
And barricades
And coming out still standing up after everything,
Still going.

Strong is withstanding
The harshest sand wind,
Letting the grains smother you,
Try to take you down,
But you still stand.

Strong is fighting for what is right,
Being able to know when you need to step in,
Realizing one's mistakes,
Fixing.

Her soft pale goddess skin
Had not been sun kissed
In six harsh months
While earth above
Also suffered much
Demeter’s sorrow was shared
Condemned
By godly men
A starving child
Ate one pomegranate
Now her captor demanded
She must suffer in this hellish cave
It’s always the gods
That come up with
The strangest harshest ways

Not a day goes by that I don’t think
about the way your hands felt
intertwined with mine, or the way
your hair gently danced on your
shoulders, or how your dimples
would form into canyons when I
made you laugh, or how your
freckles were their own tiny
constellations in the night sky,
or how the sound of your voice
could calm the harshest storms,
or when I kissed you it felt like I was
myself and I was comfortable
with you, with us... and I can’t
shake the feeling that maybe
somewhere I went wrong... I was
silly to hide you from the world
when you deserved to be every
billboard in the world. I was young,
and you were the first girl I ever
kissed, and that scared me.

t.h.

Let us imagine, we write together!

You come for a visit,
From Germany, the Philippines, Singapore,
India, Nepal, even from industrial Leeds,
Bring me some Aussies and some Kiwis,
Green Tennessee, Nevada City (Ca?), the Canadian Plains
Hampshire & Haverford, where the H's get lost,
Even London, where everything is pensive expensive!
Cannot forget Minnesota, hotbed of poets restless.
If you are crosstown, let's meet on the Great Lawn in
Central Park, by Shakespeare's castle,
Let us turn my, now our, town into a belle-ville!

Side by side,
Stride for stride,
Manhattan, we connive
As our source, spring waters
For inspiration.

You come to me not as tourist,
But as explorer.

Ever-after twenty blocks,
Movement ceased, halted,
The mile, approximately travelled,
We then stop-sit.

Park bench, museum steps, bus stop,
Street curb, ok ok, Starbucks!

We each write a poem.
Exchange fluid words.

No proceeding until each have
Completed composing.
That's the rule.

A poem per mile.

I see this lovely island,
As home,
The sidewalk cracks, my veins,
The harshest of noises, my siren harmonies,
The dirt, my soul food.

But you, fresh eyes for me to
Discover what's been missed, for
Familiarity breeds cataracts,
Clouds the visionary.

I need you beside me
To be my teacher
To see my city
Anew.

Her soft pale goddess skin
Had not been sun kissed
In six harsh months
While earth above
Also suffered much
Demeter’s sorrow was shared

Condemned
By godly men
A starving child
Ate one pomegranate
Now her captor demanded
She must suffer in this hellish cave

It’s always the gods
That come up with
The strangest harshest ways

cold water, harsh ripples
grey clouds, unmoving
never nodding, never agreeable
I could do this
yes, I can, I can
I will
yes, yes
small steps, tiny steps
yes, I could do this
colder water, harsher ripples
howling grey clouds, unmoving
never nodding, never agreeable
they are taunting
mocking, spitting pebbles
no, I can't do this
I can't, I can't, I can't
they're taunting, mocking, laughing, pointing
stop, stop, stop taunting, mocking
stop
please
stop
coldest water, harshest ripples
screeching grey clouds, unmoving
never nodding, never agreeable
cold, so cold
I will get out of this cold
no more taunting, mocking, laughing, pointing
no more cold
yes, I could do this
yes, I can, I can
I will
yes, yes
smallest steps, the tiniest steps
yes, I could do this
ice water, murderous ripples
yes, I will.

Its been years since your fingertips
Have lived on my skin.
Months and days since my taste
Has been on your tongue.
It feels like a lifetime since ive woken up
To your smiling face , or fallen asleep to you
Whispering quietly in the dark.

Why does it feel then, like only yesturday that i lost you?
I swear time has slowed to a crawl since that day,
I watched your mom cry as we both said our goodbyes to you, grasping each other ,
Clinging to the only person who loved you as much as I did.

I had packed your things away ,
And as hard as i tried ; the smell of you
And your clothes wouldnt leave our closet .
For a while i masked it as much as possible ,
Till standing breathing you in brought
Me comfort.

I went to visit you today , it bothered me
To see Your life narrowed simply down to
Chiseled cursive in stone reading
"A beloved son and brother " .

It made me want to tell everyone who you were
About the things you did that mattered;
The time i knew you ,
The dash between the dates .


And on the first warm day ; every spring ,ill feel you;  with brand new flowers budding ,
I have peace of mind knowing
There is always a new start , even after the harshest of winters.

She was led from darkness into meadows of blue sky.
She ran among the clouds and with the birds she learned to cry
Calls of purest sorrow mingled with purest of mirth.
She sang a howl in the wind of death and of rebirth.
Drinking from the bounty of the bosoms of her cloud,
One day did she descry a land beyond her misty shroud.
Licking milk from her fair lips, she skipped down on a breeze
And landed with a rustle far upon lush canopies.
Bent were boughs and branches, bark of brown and green and grey,
Beneath her bent, frail figure fainting with the light of day.
Night fell dark and stormy and the clouds swelled with their grief,
Upon the wind her figure borne, with ev'ry cursèd leaf.
Morning rose unbidden then upon the naked wood,
Living thing, and ornament, although none understood.
Gone was ev'ry hint of green, all around was bare;
Even where she fell before, no part of her was there.
Bare above was the pale sky, the clouds left not a trace;
Nor did they return there, where their dear one fell from grace.
Harshest rays of Sun bore down the fate of that cruel space.
Nothing more than dust and sand would occupy that place.




-LP

For background - read "The Frumpy Tale of Riley River Duck"*
----------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------------------------------------------------­--
In the frigid winters of June
With the snow scattering over the crystal lagoon
Puffy white frost pillows covered the ground
The sunshine making them glitter all around

Riley sat with a piping hot cup of tea
Conversing eloquently with Cecelia the flea
The happy duck sat, blankets covering her slick feathers
Helping her brave even the harshest weathers

Out of nowhere came a huge “thump”
Causing Riley to jump
She waddled to the window
Just to see a cloud of dust and kindle

An avalanche slowly slithered along
The beast heaved, wicked and strong
Flicking up ice, draping the sun with a gown
Speckling, flickering and finally glittering down

Outside came a muffled scream
It could’ve been from a dream
Riley rushed outside
With the sun her only guide

She saw a **** of snow wiggle and grow
How was anyone to know?
That the avalanche had awoken an animal
Cory the angry camel

See the snow and lumber
Woke him up from his slumber  
Along with the snow, his temper seemed to grow
And his **** was in a frump

Riley waddled out
To settle this bout
She pleaded and reasoned him to see
That the snow was very fun to throw

All the animals of the Great Oak Tree crowded around the fight
Till the day turned into night
Cory was smiling and laughing, his mood lifted
As his big hooves sifted

He lifted up a snowball, and threw it into the sky
Riley could only watch it fly…
It hit her in the beak
So her mouth was too cold to speak

She looked in shock
As Cory ran amok
The camel had won the fight
Just as the day turned to night

The day came to an end
And Cory couldn’t help but pretend
That he wasn’t happy that he won
Throwing snow was very fun

Riley saved the day
In the late winters of May
She took Cory into her house
Quiet as a mouse….

you hand the prince a loaf of white bread.
he rises, and from behind velvet drapes,
the day is strong, and proud,
and her harshest light envelopes the folds of your face,
wrapping itself around every flaw,
letting none sleep undisturbed.

you realize the reason you
want to have a hand in keeping him alive
is in his eyes, and how they’re
color of a lake you fell into once, as a child.