God please do not let me miss those moments that I could have spent with my child.  Let me carry her more often and feel her tiny body gently wrapped in my loving arms.  For someday I will not have the strength to pick her up anymore.

Let me hold her close to smell her freshly washed hair and breathe in that wonderful baby scent that covers her delicate skin, for surely she will not smell this deliciously sweet for very long.

Let me enjoy changing her diapers for this gives me the chance to play with her miniature toes, tickle her tummy and make her feel comfortable.  Someday she will ask me to leave and shut the door behind me claiming she can manage by herself.

Let me take more walks with her in her stroller while I can look down at her little face that is staring in wonder at this new world all around her.  Let me do this often, for soon she will be able to walk on her own and leave the safety of my arms.

Let me stand beside her crib at night for longer than a moment to watch her surrender to her peaceful slumber.  These nights spent in a crib will be replaced soon enough by a much less cozy place for dreams.

Let me make her laugh everyday.  For I am sure the precious sounds of her first giggles are apt to change with time.

Let me delight in each and every milestone she reaches.  Before I know it walking, drinking from a cup and other small miracles she has learned will seem ordinary.

Let me tell her how much I love her.  Since there are bound to be times when she will not want to sit still to hear this.

Let me continue to listen attentively to her even after she has mastered the art of talking.  Since people tend to listen less closely to a child once language becomes fluent.  

Let me make time for peek-a-boo and pat-a-cake and other baby games.  There will come a day when she will no longer want to participate in such childish antics.

Let me learn to enjoy the sound of her calling me "Mommy" even if it is yelled through the dripping of tears.  For one day I will no longer be "Mommy" to her, but rather just "Mom".

Let me be the world to her right now because as every mother sadly comes to realize, their babies soon discover the world outside of their mother’s arms.

Let me do these things and so much more, despite being busy, tired or overwhelmed because I would hate to look back and harbor regrets of times gone by that were lost to less improtant things than my own daughter.

Yes, dear Lord, I want my daughter to grow up to be a strong, loving and intelligent woman, but please Lord do not let this hapen overnight because someday memories will be all I have.

What is left to say
what is left to do
I know I fell miserable
and yes its thanks to you

another heartbreak
another lie
whats this silly thing we call love
but a grape left out to dry

my hands they're shaking
as this blade slowly touches skin
is this what I get, is this what I've earned
for feeling alive again?

those night terrors I feel them coming
to haunt me in my sleep
is it possible could it be
that this was all a dream

scratch that dream
a terrible nightmare
coming from deep within
why else would this all hapen to me
when the ice, it wears so thin

this beating inside me
they call it your heart
why would you follow that?
because they say if it doesn't function
that will be that

I love how you look at me sometimes standing in front of me
I love to admire you,re hair what looks so beautiful in the shining of the sun
I love to think bout you so much and sometimes i,m fallen so deep into my mind and i whisper you,re name just like a prayer
I feel that you are with me all the time and thats make me feel so good
I love to feel protected by you because i know that nothing wrong can,t hapen
Sometimes when you,re not here i,m watching at you,re picture and i feel consolated
Everytime i cry i,m thinking bout you and i feel you here with me even if i can,t see you
Sometimes maybe i can,t express my feelings in words but you know how my heart it is and is beating only for you
You are everything for me
Oh i adore you my beautiful love
No one will ever separate us even if the world is against us.

Being with you in my heart its the most beautiful gift i ever had, when i,m with i always have faith, oh i wish i can keep you close to me but i know that you already are with me even if you are so so far, every day and every night i imagin that one day i,ll be with you and spending this life together and then the eternity forever, every time i cry i know that you are right here with me holding me and loving me more and more as no one can,t do it, only you know how to do it, when i,m with you i know that nothing bad can,t hapen, being with you i feel so safe, i feel so loved and protected, being with you i know that my whole life will be a paradise full of dreams and infinite love what will never end

I know you for a reason. We met for a reason. The second I met you, I fell in love. The second you met me, you finally felt something. And it scared you. I'm scared. Right now, I'm absolutely terrified.  because I thought it'd never feel like this. I thought it never could. I lost my favorite person, and now I've found them again and If god is real and things really do hapen for a reason than nicole lead me straight to you and no one will ever understand it, because we share the same soul and that's why we'll never work. Because we're the same. We're both sociopaths. Dad always told me sociopaths can love. But their love is limited. and he limited his to me, and i limited mine too absolutely everything. That's why it hurts so badly. He says I've fulfilled him and he cried. I cried. We sat holding hands crying for 2 hours because i  can't live without him, and the second I let him go, I was going to have to let him go for good. I'm walking away now. This is where I leave it. But that's a lie. I can't walk away from him and I never will because if you truly Love someone, and loving and being in love are not the same thing, than that never goes away so matter the pain or the distance. I love him. We think the same way. We share the same mind. He told me that once. He told me I'm the female version of him. He acknowledged it. But he's the broken one. I'm not some broken thing to be fixed or saved, I'm just a girl who needs to be loved. And he loves me. But he can't love me. He's not in love with me. Simply, because he can't love. And I still love him. ****, I ******* love him. 7 billion people, and we end in the same place at the same time and we have soemthing this special that no words but his and mine to each other can describe or express and for a moment that's enough. But what are the odds. What are the ******* odds of that. Under this moon.

it had 2 hapen i had 2 givv upp