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i just remembered when it all began to fall apart i was in mid-thirties weary of taking advantage of women i wanted to change grow become better person more compassionate find loving respectful relationship maybe marriage i knew i needed to step away stop

chicago 1985 Odysseus is a stranger to himself living someone else’s life does he really want what Mom Dad Chris want? is he lying to everyone else or himself? he snorts another line of ******* moves on to next girl in dizzy way he is having time of his life so much occasion to waste doors to open slam rooms to pass through “In the room the women come and go, talking of Michelangelo, and time yet for a hundred indecisions, and for a hundred visions and revisions” thank you t.s. elliott his ****** liaisons carry on from several weeks to several months begin with him adoring some girl or she adoring him little fires that burn themselves out for his part infidelity is rarely in question instead typically he or she feels let down by some personal response or character trait and simply stops calling in actuality no girl ever bothers to stick around they follow his lead and evaporate his mind draws a blank he wonders what do girls want? Deep inside he knows nothing in life is greater than the love of a woman he would have liked all those girls to be just one girl but she is missing where is she? occasionally he will run into one of his ex-lovers on street she wears an expression that hints why didn’t you phone me back? why did you stop calling? he suspects she is playing victim in self-satisfying charade in fact Odysseus crosses into new territory it is difficult to go back he hones his edge no longer is he wonder-stuck child possessed by curiosity for girls he requires **** and kink longer buildups then urgent bursts of effort drawn out climaxes nameless girl wearing tight jeans cowboy boots braids whom he meets in drake hotel elevator pushes stop button she ***** him off he has **** *** with tan-skinned french-canadian female tourist in telephone booth on north avenue gorgeous longhaired creole girl from new orleans ***** him on fire escape stairs **** *** with skinny punk girl in dark alley dutch foreign exchange student gives him ******* between parked cars on clark street weird awkward *** with goth girl in graveyard ****** by older blond woman who positioning herself underneath table in ritzy restaurant he has *** with chatty college sorority girl in jet lavatory he goes down on nerd girl wearing thick glasses in criticism section of depaul’s library he gets ****** ****** by perfect stranger in lake michigan each evening before he goes out prowling he looks in mirror wonders what strange female he will have *** with tonight it always surprises him what a person might not admit to or accept but allow or give in to if the right moment or if the right person is there not that he is particularly the right person rather he stumbles onto an astonishing streak there is the paris/milantokyo fashion model with stylish french haircut who possesses astonishing beauty perfect ***** and haughty temper after night of too many ***** martinis and ******* she announces “you and your friends are going nowhere  you’re all second-rate artist losers! and your cousin and his group are obnoxious *******” she flips him the finger then shoves him he shoves back resulting in dual arrests and domestic violence charges there is the tall blond stripper who totally fulfills his ****** desires once she lets him insert garden hose up her **** laughs uproariously as stream of water shoots out on another occasion she requests he *** in her *** he begins to believe he will marry her she insists she is too low class for his family one night she drunkenly hurls champagne bottle gives him black eye drives away crashes her car there is blue-eyed sweetheart with divine ****** loving touch who after months of sleeping with Odysseus confesses she is ******* some other guy and swears she will be faithful in the future she begs for his forgiveness as he loses it pushes her out door throwing her clothes after her one girl lights candles gives him full body massage ******* another girl holds him tight cries pushes him away one girl writes confessions with permanent markers on walls of closet another girl slaps him yells why? why why why! one girl runs to toilet pukes passes out on floor another girl sits up all night talking teasing never relieving him another girl falls asleep snores while he is in conversation one girl makes fun of small left ******* later gossips to her girlfriends he meets girl who will do anything except allow him to enter her ****** he meets girl who is professional escort she offers to do him for free she has lots of toys videos he declines they mess around she gets him off with ******* he meets girl whose ***** hair grows to mid-thigh she incessantly calls for her dog Bertram! he meets girl who shivers moans furiously cries laughs when he climaxes he meets girl with self-inflicted scars on arms legs who only wants it up her **** he meets girl who likes gagging deep-******* him to skull-**** her harder the better he meets girl whose ******* are so fierce she loses complete control drenching him sheets with her fluids excrement he meets girl who wants ******* squeezed so tightly he fears he will draw blood he meets girl who likes to talk ***** slaps his face as he is reaching ****** he meets girl with gargantuan ***** ******* as large as thumb she gurgles hot breaths later tries to steal string of beads he meets girl who enjoys lactating on his thighs while she gives him head he meets girl who knows how to contract vaginal muscles so tightly all he does is sustain ******* inside her in order to reach ****** he meets girl who pees tiny squirts while he penetrates her **** she laughs wildly he meets girl with furry mound who requests he **** on her as she masturbates he declines she reproaches him accusing you’re not nearly as freethinking as you pretend to be in fact you’re full of ****! he meets girl who wants him to act out **** they struggle he meets girl who desires to be ******* whipped he is not into inflicting pain he meets large strong girl who forces him he never tells anyone about incident he becomes mindful many females are more depraved than him women remain puzzle to Odysseus he is repeatedly astounded shocked can never predict about girl what her ******* ****** will look like whether she has eager *** or what are her secret desires he is explorer women are vast mystery he wonders are females as sexually driven as males? are they as vulnerable? is their **** like tiny *****? he speculates if completely unknown attractive woman walks up to any average man grabs his crotch many possibly most men will willingly allow it are women that weak? more than anything what most excites Odysseus is female lust handjobs are test of adequacy distinguishing character having masturbated thousands of times he thrills in having girl do it he delights in watching her arousal just staring at his ******* is captivated by method of her fingers hands revitalized by degree of her determination throughout he needs to ****** her ******* ****** *** titillated as she licks lips after swallowing ***** he realizes if he were female he would be total nymphomaniac yet he finds it difficult to imagine desiring men are all so like him women are so strange fascinatingly different he craves their otherness Odysseus loves women more than they love themselves smell sight of them sends him into frenzy problem is he fears their power over him

it’s been 25 years since those days i live alone for many years in tucson arizona have not been with a woman for long long time last relationship 2001 with crack ***** i hang my head cry wish for love wonder do i deserve to be loved pray to be forgiven
softcomponent Jan 2014
setting myself down on an anvil pillow. sleep is an anvil pillow. anvil and stone are a suicide dressed in 8 hours of mini-Godheads.. you become a repeat offender in the ever expanding realm of emerging fractal patterns sewn upon the quilt you lay across your sleepy bones like rushing water in an underground cave miles below the Yucatan Peninsula..

by electronic firelight they lay on my leather couch with the scraps of bedding I could afford to share, as if for some reason I can't escape the money analogy and see this, too, as a transaction.. buying.. a transaction.. as transfat is to nutrition.. money is tao.. my hate for money is tao.. I'm a love-and-lost buddhist like every other dreamer before me.

I'm tired of giving myself a *******.

All I ever give myself is a *******.

I refuse to bend over and at least try to give me a *******, or go to the next level in love and **** myself.

I keep telling me to do it. Keep grabbing my own *** during passionate tongue-twisters but I keep on insisting that I just CAN'T go any further.. rationally I may be right, but irrationally I still get shrieks of jealousy because I see that ******* sneaking out to kiss girls all the ******* time as if I didn't exist. As if I wasn't always watching.

I stalk myself. It's a terrifying state of affairs. No matter where I go, there I am.

Watching.

One night, I invited me over, and as usual, I gave myself a *******, yet refused to go any further.

This was the straw that cracked the camels back.. and come 4 AM I kissed myself softly on the forehead as I slept and slipped into the night, hailing the first taxi to sail past me on the concrete river.

I awoke slowly the next morning and.. still dazed.. noticed I was nowhere to be found.

A great grief flooded my solar plexus and moved into my hopeless bones.

I had not even left a note. What a ******* I am!

I had not even left a note.

The rest of the day was spent in sordid grievance. I shivered, lonely, under my ever expanding realm of emerging fractal patterns sewn upon the quilt I lay across my sleepy bones like rushing water in an underground cave miles below the Yucatan Peninsula..
Brandon Mar 2012
Be kind to prostitutes**
You never know when they'll throw you a freebie
Ceida Uilyc Jul 2015
I could tell you,
But you’d laugh at me.
Because it is bare, raw and pure.
You gloat on the preservatives.
You discard the genuine.
Listen to me, my friend, there is a part of the world, where even a bulb is never, ever, witnessed in real, but reel of the sanskrit Cartoon slots. The peppy  and ‘lone B-grade Cartoons .
Filled with Flesh.
The stories of tantric mantras, with a sliver of diminishing hearth,
on the
Dimensions and depth of the Yoni in the resin of shellac
on the Immaculate ceremony,
In a woodpecker hole just underneath the sealed power of the Yakshini who truly screws it up if you have taste of her once.
the one who harbingers drunk loners of Kavadiyattom alley after 3:20 am.
She takes them to the crown chakra of palm trees.
Shows them the world.
she pushes them off the crown and the falcon falls in endless spirals of a inhuman push that pushes the concrete innards to a danlgling mass of amoebic copulation.
Breath comes back.
It is a big nauseating gag of Kumbhakarnan's long sadya that lasted for half a decade.
Of the soma saras that made the entire India go, ga-ga and believe they've seen the god.
But not one nor any saw the same face, colour, shape or even vibe of the god they had seen alone.
They agreed in unison that all their hallucinations of beautiful humans in Flower UFO s and high-tech cloning, were a vital hair in the nostril of the cosmos.
They made, each a god out of their genuine mix of memories.
Or in the, priest's ways,
Hence, the 2.3 Billion populous of the country had the same, well, odd Spiritual benefactors.

Keeping it all aside, lemme be honest, I'd follow many a fairy god-mother but give my milkey teeny tooth to the special one.
Hinduism tells you God is omnipresent.
Hinduism tells you God is within you.
It also says, there is no God.
The clipper to snap off the confusion of this, lies in the same cheap stained-yellow cliche of love. It entails everything. You, me, animals, plants, cosmos, vibes, thoughts, dreams and the universe.
It tells you to live with your body mind and soul.
From Kamasutras that teaches sense.
The excitement, control and breakthrough of it.
Like tao did under his exposed roof without the sacred dung of from Hindu Land.
This is the secret of a rumoured Mohini,
Of her 1000 per hour ******* during the her/ his/ its 352 incarnations.
which was the reason for Big bang.  
Amidst the sultry scant of the voluptuous *******,
Their skin,
a vernacular reflection of a dusk on the Japanese gold beaches, And the mounts,
firm and glowing with the rusty shade of pharaoh’s Gold anklet.
The gooey glaze of yesterday’s glamour in the wink of a gay galore.
Paulo Ceolho’s Holy Communion with God,
Or like the Japanese Tengaman says,
Or rather screams,
That all it it takes is a little *******.
So, yes.
That precise art of attaining a consciousness, from where your mind was
Afloat
Wild
Free
Satiated
By yourself
You’ve just consumed the essence of you
Your Ojhas
And the tiny matter that teaches the universe
Of a Shunya.
That, momentary sense of lapse of your body mass,
Or the breakthrough into your eye of the crown.
Only to join the mundane bustle of the 10,00 speakers on all four
JBLs, Boses and Pioneers live looping the zillions of sanskrit mantras under one roof.
In your Ear drum.
A synechdoche of the Gods and their jacuzzi of amphetamine bubbles.
Splashed from a white Elephant's bejewelled Snout, which has the
crowned ring in your pineals.
Secret lies under
the rotten bone chip of Hussain Sagar
deep under the ***** green lake,  
drowning the rainbow Buddha in the city of slimy immortal maggots on ham.
Open your eyes.
For the Gods will
Else
Cut your eyelids off
to show you that
the city's shardminds await you.
roaring
Playing close to the fire demons of Redland
A nail close to your wide open lid-less
White flowing eye.
Hear the city scream.
The deafening chaos,
In unison,
Intoxicating their venomous fruits
of the delirious worlds
Or simply put, divine prayer and offering
for
the Omnipotent,
Omniscient
And the
Om.
Shunya.
Or the cyclic abyss of meaninglessness.
But,
Like, the wilted azures
that seduced those flies,
From a far far away,
To come the praise the combs of their bellies,
Filled with the red from the omnipotent, dead, weak and evil
In one little fly belly.
They came from the
land called Lullaby.
To go there
from here,
But, first,
bear the Weasleys' infamous extendable ears and heed me now, for I say twice and See him Come.
The snake, the tangy smell of goated black rub and blueness.
Siva shouldn't come?
Not yet. A little DMT more in the brain and perhaps the spark will happen.
Better than the potions of those gigantic forest priests.
No, Heed me, now.

3 Dodos Walk-afar,
And, take the lone left-laden log
the one that is,
limitless Long
loyal and  let alone
By those
languors which
Killed
Lord Leopard Loot'.
While,
Lord's Lass
Lays lolled lambs,
Lolled ‘long le ******,
Leech on the laiden log,
leading to Lord Lava,
Yes.
The bridge of Casilii Po.

Of the Lord.
Guarded
By these bubbling bellies with a drop of the world's make.
Assassins.
the Fly, flies.

retain the scarification of theolden curse,
Older than the rocks underneath this gurgling lava,
On which reincarnation steams.

As destiny should have it,
the astrologers had seen,
3 centuries back
That at a Sphinx’s Wedding,
a war of Vision,
will break.
It will
Bring the Stars
Out of those melting blue nightsky of Neruda's wails;
And the diabolic estrangement inflicting Eagle,
From Meena’s vibes,
that rubbed of a distinct scent of Malabar embedding a little of everybody in the village,
on its Kasavu lines posing
at the focus
of Sahib's Ferguson or Baker.

The gold turned white.
A liquid white, like that of the sap,
For that,
***** on a parrot green rubber plant
And work your fun with the white gluey milk,
fragrant than the sap
Like the  Ylang Ylang buds freshly kissed by the drooly dew,
sealed away
elegantly in a crystal Indigo bottle by the pen stand.

One that glitters if you look at its surface, but smells of naphthalene ***** in the sink
in
that
creepy trailer in
mid salem night of the tut.
Colourful.
This is colorblind.

White is motile.
White is wriggling.
White is life.
With a **** of Eve’s fabric-less
Skin.
White is divinity
feeding you excess of everything,
With an tenfold over dosage injected intravenous, by a silver-haired-glow-in-the-dark-dodo-cupid;

She is divine.
**** Her.
**** her on a Pyre.
**** her innards on a fire.
inflame the bubble
of her her oily effluent you found on the toilet seat
Instil in her, the seed of your sodomic occult,
Not by compassion, but through a hiss and sting
of the
flawless venom of the diabolic.  
Then. Disinfect your fruit that you flicked off the paradise.
And bellow to the blowing gurgling below.  
A reign of ****  nihilism,
moaning the mood-swings-of-a-98-year-old-menopausing-Bhairavi of the Indian Aghora Tales;
And Shelly, fueled in his undiminished hearth with the help of his impetous West Wind,
dreaming lucid,
on a flight in the sky for one week,
with Lucy’s sewing  sequined buttocks,
Stinging their luminescent, lactating, lustrous skin,
Like a tatto machine, lifting rays into the epidermis
So that it roasts, burns a soot and neonifies the only colour
A shade of
The rave, rainbow-red karmas of human existence,
Its little greedy quantas waltzing around the matter
And of its unleashed illuminations
That fuel the same vessel in the universe,
infamously known as,
the
black hole.
Uggh!!
All characters and plots are fictitious.
Your nightmares are yours, not Caesar's.
This is truly the fruit of my insomnia. I have been awake 52 hours now. Had to rant the wakefulness out.
It is unedited. All those offended, I didn't mean it, you did.
Charlie Prince Jul 2012
Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to sleep in a bed with no sheets in the corner of an empty airline hanger.
 
 
Eating ***** is oblivion to millions,
regardless of politics.
 
 
I don't cry when I watch the evening news.
 
 
Pictures from my 4th birthday party,
when I turned 3,
make me cry...
 
 
...for 1 spermatozoa.
 
 
When my co-creators' closed eyelids told me my grandfather had finally passed,
I remembered that I forgot how to make Mac & Cheese.
 
 
Time runs on batteries.
 
 
But when machines grow to match us,
they will one day pass a law against the consumption of sentient planets.
 
 
Still,
some will do it anyway.
 
 
And even if they have televisions in space,
I still won't cry.
 
 
Because we are all machines.
Matt May 2015
She squeezed his *****
And wasn't it fun
To make that 8 inch *****
Spurt thick, warm, and gooey ***

She said with a grin,
"Yummmm"
A poem dedicated to the beauty of the *****
Tommy Johnson Sep 2014
He's found himself in the closet
After he lost to himself in a game of tic-tac-toe
And tied his lobster bib tightly
Then hid his cheat sheet, for the pop quiz he knew was soon to come

It's curtains for her
She let the cat out of the bag
And now she's up **** creek with ****** for paddles to go **** herself with
Right in the birth canal

Then we'll auction off the ******
We'll pass them off as European defibrillators
Maybe some extremist will want them
If we spew out enough mindless dribble

The All Time ****-Show is about to begin
We have
The Chronic Masturbater
The Hypochondriac
And The Pathological Liar

It was either sometime yesterday
Or sometime tomorrow
Or was it sometime today?
That you were all going to make fun of the boy with the cleft lip down at the laundromat?

Out of the three of you The Pathological Lair sticks out like a sore thumb
I can tell he was the runt of the litter
Who always bites off more than he can chew

I see the Hypochondriac has convinced himself he has eczema  
He rattles off all his symptoms
Inordinate filibustering  

Now there's the Chronic Masturbater
He looks like he's over the hill
He's only twenty one
But the blue circles under his eyes and the deep defined lines on his forehead denote his inelegant aging

I sign all your lives away in my horrible cursive
And now you belong to the ragtag trigger-happy posse of gun-jumpers
My billfold his happily filled
So I must go do some reconnaissance
Spy on those who have quit their day jobs
The fish out of water

You must find that thing that really rolls off the tongue with a nice ring to it
******!
*******!
*******?!
....*******?

No...
Go hang youself with dental flossed you home-schooled fool

Indentured servants we're just an after thought
Leo Pold Dec 2011
can there be no shampoos? no cakes?
no ales?
do you understand my
disdain for my own

self? i am alone in a room right now
it is a small room
on the eleventh floor
of a mediocre apartment
in a mediocre part of
the greater toronto area

i can hear bad music 

coming from the room 
above the one i
am currently in
i think it is some sort of dubstep
like, bon iver or something

it is the kind of music that
wins 17 daytime emmy awards
and a ******* from a
dead president of the artist's
choice (a lavish ceremony)

like a dairy queen in
late september, 
i weep creamy tears
that taste like creamy
frowny-faces

i weep creamy tears
over a non-existent
lover who is right now
dancing to bon iver ft. drake
whilst punching me in the face

my non-existent lover is
also a stalwart lover
and i resent that quality

i resent my non-existent lover's
stalwart twitter account, 
too because
it reminds me of myself
Grace Jordan Aug 2015
In my life I have had the very unpleasant experience of being attached to two manipulative, insane, selfish *******. Of course, these people I was attached to simultaneously so I was a bit of a crazed mess during that time. I was so desperate for attention and love I took it from people who would ultimately use me for their own personal gain. **** those two, specifically, thank you very much.

One I had a crush/****** attraction to, the other was my best friend. **** me, right? Well they certainly did. I may have put myself in those situations, but **** them for still taking advantage of it.

The first, I was fascinated by. He was a year older than me and seemed nice and funny and had my same humor and liked the same movies. i thought we could be compatible, who knew? So I tried it out. I hung out with him more at school, got his number, all that. We started to text a lot, and at first we just joked around and talked about things we liked,  then I started talking about him about my feelings and serious things and we got quite close.

I should have known something was up when he started getting ****** all of a sudden, and started asking for **** pictures, and trying to convince me into ****** things.

I dodged his ****** advances for some time, but eventually I caved and when we went to get ice cream once. I took off all my clothes in his car and he called me beautiful but it wasn't the type of beautiful a girl wanted to be called. He liked my body and my big ***** and my willingness to do this, not me. But still, I sort of gave him a half-assed ******* before he dropped me off at home.

Funny thing is I never even kissed that *******. Not even once. Kind of happy I didn't.

A week later, I decided to disclose to him that I was bipolar, so that he understood me better, and maybe our relationship could develop. But the second I said I was bipolar, he said he had a girlfriend. Of course the one second I'm not even caring about any romantic relationship with him, he decides to jump that on me.

I stopped texting him. I was ******. The girl he was now dating was someone he pretty much had told me was only his best friend, not anyone he was interested in, but that was obviously a lie. And the whole time he was getting closer to her and pursuing her, he was using me as his ****-talk and eye candy. Worst thing was she was a sweet girl who had some similar features to me, and I didn't want to ruin her world by telling her that her best friend and now boyfriend was a manipulative *******.

They're still dating to this day, and I know at this point it would be fruitless for me to try to stop it. She'd probably say I'm a liar or that I'm making stories up or whatever. I guess I just wish her the best of luck. The only good thing that came out of it was that he never became my boyfriend, so I didn't get lied to. I just got the occasional request for nudes or odd being hit on text that are easy to brush off. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him. I truly pity her for being stuck to that, and truly thinking he's a good guy.

Now the other. We collided as kindred souls who like writing, the arts, music, and are a little crazy. But hell did that go out there fast, and of course I didn't realize I needed to get the **** out until three years too late.

It wasn't long before the friendship turned into a competition. I'm competitive, so I won't say I'm not to blame at all, but she pretty much was the one to instigate most of it. By telling me she was better. That she was wonderful. That her work was revered by everyone, or she got special training, or that she was just so much more than me.

The girl honestly thought she was the second coming of Jesus sometimes, because she was so different and special. But also, she was tortured and misunderstood and needed loving. **** that, you needy *******. Everyone has problems. Get help and deal with them. Its cute and understandable for a few months. By three years you better get off your ******* *** and do something.

She always was the 'better' singer, because she was more trained. She was the 'better' romantic entanglements because she was so 'well-versed' in ****** things. She was always 'better' at being mature because she had gone through so much more than anyone else. She just thought she was better at everything, but at the same time would hate herself. It was awesome. She was basically saying "I'm a complete piece of awful ****, but I'm better than you!"

Sounds annoying, right? Well it was.

The one that really got me was that she always professed she was a better writer. That her writing was beautiful and poignant and tortured. Every longer story I read of hers she basically wrote about herself, used pretentious names, and every one of her protagonists was some madly tortured person who no one understood. Their lives would drastically change once they met this magical person that changed everything. That hit them just the right way. But honestly most of it was about being tortured and misunderstood, but somehow better than everyone else because of it. Ok, whatever, please sit down pretentious writer number 3,467. It just drove me nuts. She wasn't bad at it, but it was always the same thing. Being tortured, or bitter, or being grossly in love with someone. It was just so horribly repetitive and outlandish I couldn't stomach most of it. To this day every time I read some of her pretentious work i want to set her on fire and slowly watch her burn. She may be a better singer, she may be a better tortured soul, she may even be a better starving artist or whatever.

But actually writing variety and real people and not repeating the same thing over and ******* over again?

Please, honey, I got you beat.

I guess I'm just sick of them. I'm sick of what they did to me, what I let them do to me, and who I became with them. I was selfish and meek and competitive and always trying to prove myself to them. I know who I am, and they don't deserve my attention or even me. **** them.

I know writing will get me somewhere. I'm not the best writer ever, but I know how to write. I always have. I have finished novels. I'm working on more to come. I have the drive and ability to do this, and I don't want to be the cliched ******* starving artist. I don't want to be poetically tortured or whatever the **** pretentious ******* strive for. I just want to be a human writing stories for other humans. And maybe it'll mean a lot to someone one day. It already does to me.  


I don't need flaky ******* who want nothing from me but to use me for their selfish gains. I'm me. I'm happy. I can be a writer and artist without being a complete ******* about it. And I don't need them.

I got this.
Mateuš Conrad Dec 2016
sometimes the title would just do,
                                                                      in the days
when fame doesn't echo throughout
the ages, where to find
   a Hector or an Achilles?
             only in times when life was
precious that it was doubly precious
by being audacious and teasing death -
where are the death-teasers among
us? who among us is a death-teaser?
no one... the myth of Sisyphus isn't
exactly a myth... what was a myth
in the 20th century is the plateau reality
of the 21st century -
                             there's a great joke
concerning Norway...
    a book sold half a million copies
          in a country populated by 5 million people...
so it's basically a village mentality "nation"...
i already said you should teach evolution
on the canvas of vikings rather than working
from neanderthals...
            berserker turned cultural clique -
the joke about the british decision to leave the e.u.?
hmm... multiculturalism? taking the genes
     to the cleaners in fear of hereditary weak genes?
isolated muslim communities who think that
britain is a country that's 75% muslim?
           it's, the, *******, irony... the brits can be
as well gifted in rude humour or smug with their wit,
but they've hardly explored their gaft of irony,
well, that's a miscomprehend use of a word,
for the mere phonos of the word: i had to use it...
   like gaffer is the chargehand on a building site.
what i mean is that the brits put so much energy
into a monty python sketch that they can't see
the irony they're implementing...
         can england ever become clique?
              did the british empire ever exist is a similar
question: yes, the british empire imploded,
we have three generations of the Raj living in
Islington, three Saudi generations living
in Marble Arch on Edgware Road...
                           we have hobnobs Harrods
lit up like sitting on a marble toilet with gold plated
toilet seats... tacky... that **** is tacky...
          and when people get rich, they just have
   a new way of saying they're poor... no taste.
me? i feel like having a patron... the pope, for example...
for all the god willing reasons i should have been
the poet along with the Renaissance masturbators
of the ******* in clay.... boy... Donatello really rubbed
that impression right into a David post *******...
look 'ere, placid like a gluttonous mosquito...
n'ah... fame these days is too much of a corpus -
it attracts hyenas and vultures once the lions
got bored...
   fame these days is too much c.c.t.v. -
             the omni eye looks at what colour my ****
was (and what consistency) from last Wednesday.
plus modern dialectical discourse has either become
too much solipsistic / autistic... or it's a wanking
marathon... which makes assurances to unsafe
*** between partners, and ultra safe *** between
pundit and *******, with the *******'s
reassurance: i get regular health checks...
        i mean, when she's so hot that after zenith
you jump into the bath and pour cold water
over yourself and she remains in bed *******
herself looking at you? genuine scenes there...
i have a ****** imagination... experience is so
much better... i'd rather slit my wrists than
work for Disney.
no, wait... wait! there's a point coming, referring
to the title... yep...
   a culinary rebellion against modern art backed by
Cézanne
... you seen the recent Turner prize?
         i used to see a Turner prize every time i went
to the recycling centre near Upminster...
or a car-boot sale down Walthamstow...
i also used to go and see the dog-races down that route...
E17... when you used to have yella-double-decca
buses 123 and 179 travel the route...
        alright... look at a Cézanne still life...
(i call it instilled life) - now... can you imagine any
artist attempting to depict a modern culinary
experiment? can you, imagine a heston blumenthal
on a canvas in oil or watercolour?
      no, because you can't!
                                  the china or porcelain is the canvas
and there you have: a painting.
             this is a culinary rebellion against modern
art... the chefs decided to work from scratch,
or what you might call: working from Cézanne,
just because we returned to the Lascaux caves
  with huge open space art galleries and a toothpick
   that is cited: abstract of a pine...
                           and it takes 20 cubic metres to
be admired...                     (ever tried nagging?
  it's a steam-release, or like watching an entertaining
homosexual, same ****, different cover);
    and if you have a thumb's worth of a litre bottle
of whiskey? well... hail west!
             no sane artist would re-apply the modem of still
life into depicting modern cuisine...
  i know, i know... some dynamism went into
             turning a pear into a poached pear...
the hand of god...          but that transfiguration cannot
escape the stillness... it's not moving...
                 it's prefiguring a diner (not a place, a pundit
in a restaurant) doing a minor Pavlov experiment
when the plate is before him... at this point,
unless he's not a starving refugee, i think appetite is abstract.
          you know what was in the background
while i was writing this? ambiance...
  feng shui... refrigerator ambivalence...
     in a world when a chinese cobbler gets paid 2 squid
a day... and a poet in england gets paid zilch or close to
10 quid in a decade.
Please give me freedom in thought to somehow ballance my prison of existance.
Cast stones over the water in a chance they'll skip across dark waters only to be trapped in another place.
Im a grounded pilot viewing clear skies .
****** at all but seldom  understanding even myself.

As tortured youth's scribble misery with ease still the grace of agony is wasted on jaded old farts like myself.
Im a ageless fool in a counted time .
Hey wanna chat?
Cyber games I can live in the real world for im who you see in the truth of my existance as well.

Empty corners is where I find happiness I just wanna be alone.
Hey want some company?
Yes stupid questions are alive and well spoken by overrated **** stars on the evening news.

Story at eleven  the news anchor blew half the crew to get this job what about her coanchor.
Another school shooting whatever happend to a good old fashioned beating?
Im sick of what i see maybe i'll make a fake version of myself online talk to little girls who hate what they see
make em think i have a answer ive never known myself.

**** being in style cause thoose people are about as real as there plastic surgeons newly made face.
I hate what I see maybe i'll just rip my eyes from there sockets.
Post my pics on twitter and collect dust with the rest of the half wits that could give a **** less.

Pour a tall one i'll buy my happiness along with my new liver stop on the way home and buy that happy ending
from some ****** who's sold herself less than I.
**** this circus cause I choose to say whats real not give you a verbal *******
and send you on your way.

Like this if your to lazy to move a mouse and say what you really think .
**** the crittics there people who cant do what you can.
**** the truth it just gets in the way of a good lie.
**** your ego I need the air to inflate my own.

**** it all!

Cause it's easier to push away than to ever look at yourself.
Its so easy to give up but few can stand there ground.
**** my thoughts cause its getting to the point a zombies march seems easier than a single thoughts remark.


??????


No I dont have answers.
Sometimes ya just gotta say **** it.
Or say it a punch of times in a semi insane rant.
Hey everyones gotta temper why mask iit cause arent most creative people misreble ****** ?

Good thjing im a happy drunk.
yeah sometimes are own creations are biggest problems cheers
Riq Schwartz Sep 2013
Call me stricken
by her
          my favorite color.

I want to fill my ears with static
to give my thoughts some room to move
and my eyes monochromatic
with an artistic side to prove


She writes
like shes giving
Noah Webster a *******,
her labyrinthine constructions
of consonants and vowels,
leading in circles
obliterating disbelief,
and I
          AM

the words.


She tastes like ***
and nostalgia
nauseating my pages,
wearing thin over keystrokes,
repetition,
               the mother of decrepitude
so my muse
               decimates my thoughts
          one in ten
     one in ten
one in ten
*CRACK
matt nobrains May 2014
the odious and onerous qualms
I have to sleep in,
everybody's getting
married because they have nothing
better to do
or they think it'll fix their
brokenness,
I just want a ******* behind
a mall dumpster
I want roadhead going eighty
on the way to louisiana
I'm halfway with bourbon
sweats and the crank
smells virginal like young nun ****.
it's funny in that.
the weeds in sunset rains
raids of storm clouds in
mild December
******* pressed firmly against
the vista panes painted
in some somber hues
and we pant quietly
to listen to the spatter of
rain, ******* slow to the
rhythm of the swaying trees,
you draw a peace sign languidly in the fog from
your breath,
and as you come the storm
breaks
and as I come I pull out and *******
on your ***.
everybody's getting married
and having kids like
the ice caps aren't melting
like the jungles aren't burning
like the rich oil barons
aren't playing hopscotch
on our ****.
the idiots.
I admire smokers,
I won't be around when I'm
that bored
Each note in my ears
conducts an orchestra of memory
a rush of blood
from my heart to
my head
                I remember
                my summer of love
                                                  making
The­ King of Carrot Flowers in California
                                                  his stubble- cactus needles
                                                  rubbing­ my lips numb like *******
She Came in Through the Bathroom Window, in Michigan
                                                   her hair a brambled bush
                                                   tangled in my fingers
******* for the Holidays, in her bed
                                                   her body like going home
                                                   each time "the last, I swear"
Every Little Thing She Does, in her car
                                                    trips to the playground
                                                    wh­ere we explored like children
and
The Communist Daughter, who set me free
                                                     the feeling of forever
                                                     my hand in the small of her back
                                                     as we danced in our underwear
                                                     to Waltz #2
I remember lying
on blades of grass
as hot air balloons
fell into the sky
stirring her algae eyes
my mouth dry and expectant
I knew exactly why I had to leave.
The Southern State
called me nightly
when I heard the train
shouting my future.

So
I rode her to Chicago
with Tom Waits
on my smoke breaks.
From Chicago to Dallas
I wrote poems of
                              "true love"
                              "****** obsessions"
                              "surprise thoughts"
***** singing
'1. 2. 3. 4.' in Chris's guest bedroom
                                                         ­       her boyfriend calling
                                                         ­       we whispered promises
                                                        ­         of a future before
                                                          ­       we kissed goodbye.
Butch Decatoria Jun 2017
Condoms, oil burners, shattered glass

The homeless homies homemade shizz

Now Chris can't sit still in class

Pounding the pavement with kisses to heaven

All hustlers sell

Dippin Dots

Wrapped in latex

Liquid to vapor overkills

The loss of will

From after parties after hours

Romancing the ******

On the corners

Quag **** hits schism

Asphalt littered with

Shattered flowers

Them chicks on the streets

Ladies of the night

Its matter of fact

Mr. Hightower / boulevard's class

For the hard ***

**** poor "G" learning how

To trample through his ghetto

As she masters each one

******* hand / jive and mashed

Chris and his gang

Up for sale (hot-**** **** jello *****)

For white hyperions and

Black mellow

Cached

Out / yellow bellied / thin

Such barefooted souls

Marrow

Easiest to break

When already hollow...

(Guilt and shame is a gun

To the temple

And heart

Chambers

Such souls all hollow)

Those Outs Within...
*written just before my move to the Philippines* --stayed tuned to this new islanders series, experiences in poetic form ...
Robinho May 2016
i'm losing this patience of mine
it's the struggle of writersblock all the time
they ask how i am and i say i'm just fine but i'm dying inside
i can't swallow the truth cause i'm choking on pride
guess i love you so much that you're stuck on my mind
it's love that you want and it's love that you find
you say you have love for me but it's not the right kind
so here i go again losing my mind

cause i love you so much that it hurts, that it hurts
"you know that i love you" those are the words, those are the words
that i need to hear, that i need to hear
cause i miss you, i miss you
when you aren't here, when you aren't here
but the truth is it hurts even more whenever you're near, whenever you're near

you're laughing at me and that's the last thing you should do
cause i'll strap you to bomb and i'll say you just blew
you're still trying to laugh but i see you're almost crying
and i'm on the floor laughing so hard that it feels like i'm the one who's dying
but atleast when i die, i will die with a smile
in life, pain comes so cheap meanwhile
anything that's worth having just doesn't come easy
my rapping is cheesy and so is your boyfriend who guarentees he
will you love as long as you love him which means he
just wants you to **** him and right after you ****** him
and he came on your face, he goes back to his place
and you feel bad for yourself cause you're a ******* disgrace
your love is like a cloud and i'm in for the chase
but he beat me to it so i came second place
i once had this dream where i ****** you in space
where no one could here you scream while i slide in third base

cause i love you so much that it hurts, that it hurts
"you know that i love you" those are the words, those are the words
that i need to hear, that i need to hear
cause i miss you, i miss you
when you aren't here, when you aren't here
but the truth is it hurts even more whenever you're near, whenever you're near

and to anyone out there who think he can test me
you think you're better than me but the fact is
i'll beat you in practice and slaughter you in a track diss
your girl comes to me and says "i want to jack this"
this is what life's all about, the best ******* advice is to just use your mouth
and right after she ****** this, i looked and said **** this
that ***** is so ugly, i'll never let her **** me
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2022
hubris

cypher: d'
    'e
         -           antithesis
of non-negation: Tt...

i.e. to decipher: lost a
snake's tongue
and a tree's branching out
i.e. Y.
(502 bad gateway bypass)

i'm coming up to doing this job for a year, come December,
late December i will have done this for a year,
time's up... time to rewrite my curriculum vitae
point to people who will give me references and apply
for a teaching job...
                                   if i can manage drunken football
spectators and people with mental health issues
freaking out on me and me calming them down...
if i can supervise a team of at most 15 people...
    i think i can tackle a bunch of rowdy teenagers:
even though i have this motto in my head...
sure, i could teach high school chemistry...
   i have the background for that, but...

sometimes it's not what you teach:
but who you teach it to...

same ****, different cover borrowed from that old chestnut
of: it doesn't matter what you know
but rather who you know...

if i could land a job as a primary school teacher i think
i would never again regret not having children
of my own...
i rarely do.... sometimes... there's this "evolutionary psychology"
element to my thinking but it rarely conforms to
what most people speak about...
notably about women...

women? how can i not love women...
i couldn't live with women,
i couldn't do what most men get up to with women
i see them with an invisible leash on their necks...
in the supermarket like down-trodden
beasts pushing the trolley while a woman
is throwing in, not necessarily good food...
certainly not vegetables, not fruits,
ready-*******-meals...
me?! i had a fancy for pizza today...
obviously i'm going to make it from scratch!
obviously i'm going to first make the rising
mixture of a little flower, dried yeast,
sugar and some water... wait for it to rise
and then make the pizza dough... d'uh...
but i see these guys with women who throw ready-made
meals into the trolley... seriously?!
one hour less watching pointless television
and enough time to make a PROPER MEAL...

i sometimes wish the television could be replaced
with a fireplace or... at worst an aquarium
with pretty fish in it... in between? *******...
esp. during the winter months...
i'm not even buying into the whole stereotypical
"oh honey, i'm tired, i have a headache"...
maybe i'm just a freak like that:
lethargy makes me *****, it's an aphrodisiac for me...

the best year of my life... state funding for
the drinking and the writing and earned money
for... prostitutes...
i don't believe in the concept of a worth of virginity...
women are like leather...
the best leather is worn leather...
over the past year having regular ***
(i try at least once a week, the rest of the time
i fill with epic cycling routes, reading, writing,
thinking, not thinking, drinking)
has taught me that there's this great veil
of ******* hanging over society...
clearly i'm a tame **** / a gentlemen or i'm sometimes
peeping into the extremities of ****** lives of...
not actual people: actors...
once more, to reiterate... we are living
under a Thespian Tyranny...

i once mentioned that we live under a Silicon Curtain...
if there was once an Iron Curtain coming from
the Soviet Union... now there's the Silicon Curtain
coming from stateless entities, companies...
who the **** knows or even bothers to care...
the media conglomerate coupled with internet social
media companies... oh... and let's not forget
the dating apps...

a rekindled fascination with Taoism from my teenage
years having found a pinpoint to a person
whom to associate Taoism with, i.e. Zhuangzi
have paid off... the best way you can help the world
is to forget the world and let the world forget you...
but with the current state of the world...
i'm growing "paranoid" / suspicious...
i'm on my own path, i'm living a life of a freedom
some kings would weep over to have...
i don't want to engage with the world...
i've forgotten the world, but it seems the world
wants to remember a little bit of me...

ooh yeah... that little mix of brandy and whiskey...
let's call her, i.e. the spirit: bra-     +   -ndy
                                                vs. bran-  +   - d(y)
          whis-  +         -key...

a quadratic... brankey... ****...
     brakey... sounds better...

                                   whisdy... whisp?! whisdy...
whiskey can be too smoky sometimes...
then again it can turn into bourbon and become too sweet...
there's a whiskey in between these two extremes...
but brandy, i.e. cognac?
the last one had an aftertaste of chocolate and charcoal...
charcoal is not smoky, it's bitter... so we're basically
talking bitter dark chocolate... which is ******* great...

but i'm bemoaning the fact that i won't be making
my own wine this year... i'll try to make a bottle or two...
but landscaping the garden left me with very little yield...
well... at least i made my favourite flavour ice-cream
this year... no ice-cream like it:
mint and chocolate-chip...
and never! ever! follow the recipes on the internet!
people have become either **** junkies,
or caffeine junkies or... SUGAR junkies...
sure... the Arabs are such greater men because
they have all these NIQAB hidden ****** fetishes
and they don't drink...
but aren't they BACLAVA MAD DIABETICS
on the verge of either amputated limbs or going blind...
but sure... sure... decent human folk because
drinking alcohol is b'ah b'ah bad... *******...

i hate sugar, i hate caffeine... water and nicotine
and vomiting like an Ancient Roman
in the morning... taking a ****... nice... esp. a well rounded
****... although a diarrhoea is just as pleasurable...
*******... hmm... that's a sea-saw debate...
one time true, another time not so...
kissing... or rather stealing kisses from prostitutes...
my grandfather collected stamps...
i steal kisses from prostitutes...

clearly we're living under a Silicon Curtain
and a Thespian Veil of Tyranny...
however we interact or however we love...
******* is not how *** looks like...
like i said before: maybe i'm a tame lover...
the most extreme i ever "accomplished"
was slapping the *** of the ******* top of me
or i either bit her lip, chin or nose...
not hard... i try to be tender...

it's so strange sitting across from 5 women...
and you ****** all 5 of them...
4 are smiling at you, enticing you,
but there's this one grumpy one growing a massive
frown on her face...
as if she's putting on make-up...
you have to go with her because she decided
to go on the pill just for you and for all
the heavens of unprotected ***...
you already bought her lingerie and now she's asking
for more gifts, i.e. jewelry... oh **** me...

i stopped listening to these promises of prostitutes...
this was the last time i listened to her,
we were supposed to spend an entire night in
a hotel room together... she failed...
fair enough... once i'm done ******* these five
i'll look for another brothel, simple!

the steady influx of money has released me
into unexpected territory...
i can finally scrutinise *******:
it's ******* unappealing... it's horrid...
it's acting with the gravest of consequences...
i want a tender ****...
i don't need this western bedroom barbarism!

and i haven't smoked marijuana in well over a decade...
chances being: the chance that was
Elizabeth II dying i met with this Afghan
"Jamie" and he gave me a pinch of the ****...
even i was surprised... i used to sit up and smoke
and listen to music and vaguely remember time:
because time extended into eternity when i did...
this time round?
first i had to take my first aphrodisiac:
lethargy from a shift...
my second aphrodisiac: a bottle of 8.2% dry cider...
basically half a bottle of wine...
aphrodisiac three: i had to walk alone
in the night... hmm... that "star" so close to the moon,
esp. when detailed on all those Muslim flags...
that's not a star... that's the planet Venus...
seems like Islam is a cult of the marriage of the Moon
with the planet Venus...
fourth aphrodisiac: a sip a two a three of
either whiskey or cognac...
fifth aphrodisiac: three cigarettes...

who the hell said you need chemistry to invoke
a hard-on?! well... if you're ******* a beached-whale
i wouldn't be surprised... if you have something
against a woman that's like a leather: of anything...
chair, sofa or jacket...
i found out that women "taste" better if
they have been with a man beside yourself...
they're... more keen... they actually have some:
"ambition"... no no... it's not arrogance...
they have... confidence....

and come to them akin to a ZZ-Top song:
sharp dressed men... they ******* lose it before finding it
very quickly...
the last one i had i first had a forced *******
with... luckily the ******* did the trick the first
time round: otherwise i would have left
frustrated... and howled into the night...

second time i don't remember...

third time? a talkative... スカ... SÜKA
   Ü = UU / Sue SOON... in the ****** zunge that's...
it's not *****, *****... it's a female dog that
readily gives *** to males...
not so talkative when the ******* began...
she contorted her face as if she was in pain..

it's a more endearing word than, say, KURVA...
i.e. *******, it's more a case of:
i'm *****, she's *****, i want to ****, she wants to
****... we ****...
but none of this pornographic extremes
of Thespian nymphomaniacs,
as a "poet" i feel i have a duty to obligate
people to turn away from these faceless
shadow-stealing phantoms...

this one writer in particular, a Joseph Roth from
the Austro-Hungarian Empire noted the rise
of the Thespians back in the earliest dictates
of the 20th century...
  
oh it was funny... i only paid for half an hour...
at least not half a steak and a ticket to the movies...
but as i was about to leave: ****'s sake...
another hard-on... but the ******* was pulled back...
dried up... i laughed, she laughed when i asked her for
some oil to lubricate and pull the ******* back...
well i can't be walking about
with an "unsheathed sword"... can i?

i like writing about women in a way that Marquis de Sade
never wrote about them, like i might have some
revenge strategy in place...
as long as i'm not lied to... i'm fine...
the moment people start spinning me fictions they
speak: but never write...
i start thinking about grating cheese...
or feeding my cats turkey steaks...
i take great precision cutting the steaks
delicately as if i'm preparing sushi...

i like the texture of raw, dead, meat under my fingers
in a way that compensates itself with the
touch of living meat under my fingers
after i scrubbed my fingers against a brick or
two... when touching a *******'s body
i need rough finger-tips...

but i won't be buying into this western libido "insomnia"
any time soon...
*** in real life is or never will be what the pornographic
industry prescribes or... well... back in the 1970s...
the Italian movies had tender loving care...
these days... it's ******* sadistic... all that ****
and all that one woman "vs." five men power action
*******...

if i am healthy *** with prostitutes...
that tells you a lot about the supposed "healthy"
people having "healthy" *** with other "healthy" people...
clearly unhealthy...
sure, i too have my kinks... but i don't enact
them... that's why they're kinks...
they're part of the cognitive circus that will never be seen!

well... apart from the one renegade clown...
you'll always see a clown from that circus...
i don't know why i decided to write about ***...
over-saturation is my best guess...
talk of *** in the most wrong sort of way...
that must have been the clue...
annexed ******* of disused men's capacity
coupled with a woman's over-stipend over
excusing herself in "too much action"...
whichever the case is...

the world has passed me by,
or rather: i passed the world by...
and turned around and said:
clearly no, i don't feel like it...
even for all the riches you have on offer...
i don't, feel like, it!
the richer a man becomes
the more obligation he has to his status
and the woman he, most assuredly has
to take for company!
me? i have zero to no obligations / dedications
for status and a woman of status...
i like women like i old leather:
they always tastes better if they have been
with plenty of men and i know that to be true...
****, lips, arm-pints and all that's thighs!
**** too...

             i'm not a jealous man...
i wish i could be a jealous god... but i'm not jealous
at all... that's my weakness...
i believe in love: universal...
hell... if women think it's worth sharing their beauty
and majesty.. why refrain from the argument
they're making... after all...
whether pretty or ugly: all can admire the sun
come either sunrise or sunset...

if that's how it's supposed to be...
   so it is to be...
she tells me my name is not Matteo: you can't be
a Matteo... i tell her in a groveling voice:
CON-RAD...
finally she understands me.
It started as a helpful gesture

There’s a moment where the world always tries to take control
Of the things that you think and the way you read your signs
Everybody reads without knowing it, every small piece of sense that comes to their energy
I took a shower moments ago thinking all these thoughts that I only thought I would remember, that would stick to the walls of my imagination and be able to write them down after I left the box of high pressure rain
Maybe it was the running water beating against every inch of my body that gave me such thoughts that only I could be thinking, right?
Like how the tears of men could never compare to the tears women drown themselves in..
Could it have been the music within the infinite raindrops the shower head provided provoking my intriguing thesises that popped into my subconscious
What if I never turned the shower sprinkler off.. would it ever truly stop running? I’m too broke to test this experiment at the time.
Why is it that I run into these stories of women being beaten and accepting what they do, all because that black/ and or white man is their universe, their galaxy, the only thing they can’t seem to escape even though the possibility has approached them many.. many times.
Even though this is only the first night it has occurred that I endured being a helping hand only to lend an ear as well to hear and listen to such a lifeless story. I feel like it is all I’ve experienced from the time my conscious eye could see.. maybe not continuously, time after time, but two in a row? Two female entities stories that bring me to what I have been casted into the world with nightmares with? For what possible reason?? in my questioning Shakespearean poetic soul voice of thought maybe I act as a healing spirit to women like this because of my condoling heart.
To think this whole plateau of letters put together to create words and my indulging previous shower thoughts, came from the question & answer “you need a lighter still?” What if she was lying about the man she seems to be “trapped” with? The world cannot fool me, I know these men exist. What if she made up these stories and the pictures you saw from six years ago were once real, but now continuously happening, a fluke? Pshh, why put these devious thoughts to my brain matter and soul spirit when I know and felt and saw the bumps and bruises of that girls body that broadcasted such a relatable story of reality.. because you want me to feel weak like the men and police who could never stand up to and stop the things of a man that they are inferior to. The world would like me to fall so unconsciously.. and that is exactly what will happen, once my body is too old to support the strong soul that overpowers it.
Enough about me.
Could she have provoked it.. I could see it the way she was smacking my stern chest when I went about my own influence, after I would speak my bold words of seducement while she was feeling on my lower stomach and upper pelvis. She was all over me at one point with me being the intriguing man I am, I thought she would either provide a ******* or oral *** for me going out of my way for her troubles. Nope just a couple soft smacks to the chest, but me.. bow to such a weak ***** out her right minds actions and be equal? Never. The thing about weak drunk people.. they always do and forget. Me, a strong cautious minded human being, do & remember.. even if it hurts. Like writing this piece of possible or impossible deja vu. My life is a hook & anything that crosses it see, is the bait and dinner.
Meanwhile, learning this story all I could think about is the oral compensation I wanted from giving this woman a ride. Some head.. a thank you.. something along either of those lines. Neither happened. ******* is all I was really aiming for after I sensed she was into me, calling me fine over and over & wanting to sit and waste somebody’s time. I conceived it as that after the fact I returned home and began to write this.
What if though, the story that she spoke of, of the police and even her own mother being such insubordinate cowards to their “right” and true morals and never helping this woman who they claimed was “making this stuff up” to stick up for the abusive man even though she had pure raw evidence that he was an abuser.. and never helping her because they were truly scared of some *****-made “man” being & I was the ear to be spoken to that took it serious. Fools. Is what the lowball Michigan City police are. Bigger fools is what the woman and the man are. They deserve to **** each other if that’s what the world keeps pushing towards, for these pointless drunken addicted souls.
Even if I did care, why would I change it. Why risk my peace to save a woman that clearly doesn’t care to be saved. there’s a million miles to run away to.. attachment is such a weird vice. Or could I just be looking at this the wrong way still. It would take a knowledgeable doctor to break this down and come up with an answer, which I could possibly be. So my answer with being knowledgeable, but not a doctor.. is broken love is such a strong evil in this world. Because it still has the potential to be love but it just never will because it is broken in too many places.
Helping a walking woman has never gotten me anywhere great
Max Barsness Jun 2018
I wish I could warn you about the Salton sea
Of its panicked shores
Of bottomfeeders
Topside once more
It's stenched coasts
Lush green migraines and migration
Boasting of the lives & liberty cost
Drowning in the murk of men’s habitual need
To improve upon ruination

I wish I could caution you to an endorheic basin
Of its perennial purpose
Of many fertile farms
Impregnated by men & their desire to quench desire
It is a natural ****
It is buried deep in the salinity of quest & reason
Give them structure from which to exalt
Give yourself a *******
Working the cracks and the cross of concrete which is potholed & pitted

I wish I could show you a river valley ahead of it’s time
Of its eventual need to exist
Of dependent mockingbirds
& cattled egrets
An uneven ***** on which mother colorado rests your beleaguered complaints
Drink up while it lasts
A memorandum to a family
That dried up the poisoned well

I wish we could fall to our knees
We don’t
We raise our hands to the sky
Take me dear lord
But first
Let me take a selfie
Let me edit my life
Let me apply a filter over this endless malcontent
& then when it isn’t enough
Let me blame you
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2018
what's the problem with kneeling?
where's the right hand posited?
you know that there's
the disgraceful middle-ground
position? right?
    it's called... SITTING DOWN...
what's up with these Americans?
am i supposed to not kneel
in church?!
                     aren't these "suckers"
bridging a gap by
the stature of, over-emphasis?
       it's enough that i have to stand...
but kneeling? kneeling?
  isn't that a hefty summation
of the subsequent enterprise of events?
it's not, sitting down...
SO WHAT, IS, THE ******* PROBLEM?!
you know that kneeling is
an indicator of shared interest,
a veneration gesticulation...
the man, "in question"
is not sitting down...
       kneeling before an anthem is:
TWICE as much effective of
conveying the message, as standing up!
Bolognese sauce...
Retards R Us....
   kneeling? kneeling?!
the most humbling gesticulation bound
to the practices of the church...
and yet, YET... these athletes are somehow
dishonoring the flag?
   what's the difference between
kneeling, and standing up?
erm... sitting down?!
trick question!
                why is it somehow less,
if not more, patriotic,
to kneel, rather than stand,
while digesting a national anthem?!
the **** are you talking about?!
          i never like American football,
one quarterback throw,
some idiot runs the field, catches the ball...
and so many impromptus,
"sport" built for the advertisement
age...
       too many interruptions...
rugby?
        even soccer,
with its 22 ballerinas...
           the day might come when
squash replaces tennis *******
tournaments...
                     so... kneeling... kneeling?!
you have to be ******* kidding me...
that's a source of collectivist commentary?!
not buying it...
         *******, and turn that **** off!
i'll be correct and proper about this,
proper red-skin fashionista styling...
kneeling, given church manners...
is not an offensive statement, pose...
between kneeling,
and standing up...
there's the sitting-down
  mitigation...
now.... that's offensive...
    most of these men are probably
thinking: thank god for America...
my great great great grandparents
came from Nigeria...
all this white *****?
  don't worry,
i'm not bothered,
i know the responsibility aligned
with owning a dog...
having a relationship with
a woman?
   you keep one....
i won't complain.
i have this "thing" for phantom
a troll-she, derived from Norse
mythology...
   you do the window shopping for me...
point being:
at some point,
the copper-beauties will come through,
mixed race...
  and i'll be like...
    ah, now i see the particulars!
******* retards...
   down syndrome looks clever
at this point...
   so there's a problem with kneeling?
rather than standing?
  ******?
    but there's no problem with,
sitting?
        THEY'RE NOT SITTING!
what's the problem?
   kneeling is a preferably
generous offering of
a variant of genuflection...
what's this, the anti-Catholic
sentimentality of the Kennedy
assassination mentality?

       no... i'm not joking...
ask me, and i'll start enticing
a hammer into the current
schematic of imagery...
a skull, and a nail...

         i'm done telling jokes,
don't even know if i even
began telling them...
i'm after tarantula-esque
   neurotoxins...
                 i want a language
that surrogates
a momentary immobility
of the reading specimen...
   shock-value...
  not worth the tabloid strategy...
i need grit...
a supplement of an ego,
still worth
  implementing and originality
of a non-original idea
for a changeable focus,
and subsequent implementation
validity.
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2020
come night i can allow myself to breathe,
perhaps more - think again...
a few sips of homemade wine
and a cigarette - endlessly peering at
an eucalyptus tree at the end of the garden...
forcing myself to imagine
the face of my grandfather still able
to contort itself into ****** expressions
and enigmas... idiosyncrasies...
perhaps chancing upon the wind
to move the flimsy branches at the ends
of the corpulent crown of
this tree -
   if merely the letter Y was a meditation
of the tongue of a serpent -
or perhaps how i have two eyes
yet compound myself to: strictly cyclopean
endeavours...
soothing demand for the sound
of the sea on the shoreline -
although... i... mountains... alone...
or the endless promise of not impacting
with a good morning or a hello
when walking the fields in my vicinity...
premonition:
i "knew" he was dying...
mistress agonia... and it's not like
in his last months he ever wanted
to climb out of bed...
he already exhausted his memory cinema...
the chance crossword puzzle...
on my walks two days in consequence:
crouching on a footpath
a metre away from a blinded rabbit...
then the toothache...
a premonition of pain to come
to excavate the heart into a shroud
of mourning...
    but how unified these sequences
of events allow themselves to be...
the archaic semblance of "coincidences"...
relearning it wasn't my fault since:
the whole point of the telephone
is that it can be used by both parties:
it's not a one way street...
otherwise: yes... this meditation on
the eucalyptus tree at the end of the garden...
wishing for brush-strokes of the wind
to agitate this... foreign entity:
how much more i would have allowed
myself to a tease of pine...
evergreen from the flip-side of the earth:
twenty five pence in two coins
on my bed...
i have to allow a variation of serenity
to come back:
i cannot be this dreadfully angry mr. ****-pants:
after all: **** before the shovel...
and no: if i could possibly cling to
a revelation that i can write prose:
i'd need to focus on a sense of the linear:
and continuity -
preserving the claustrophobia of
paragraphs: i exhausted the need for dialogue
when i was young enough to still
play with plastic figurines of spiderman
and batman...
so... no dialogues for me...
otherwise: what? beautifully prosaic?
well... by all standards of speech:
impromptus and mumbling...
sure... coherency of the matters at hand...
but i leave with another comfort:
a latin man: the vulgate hier und jeztz -
because otherwise a choking veneer of
grecian superiority will not allow me
to "get things done":
to spew and stew in what's readily
available...
                       not that i was dealt the wrong
hand: i'll still have to gamble with
myself:
a waiting game with mother
and father and grandfather to come...
and then: hello solo!
not in some mythological alternative universe:
which a span of 20 odd years will
probably do to me having written these,
here, now, words...
or i might be lucky...
i will have enjoyed drinking too much...
and that's ******* dandy by anyone's
standards...
as julius caesar already said:
death... sure... but quickly...
or at least with a hard-on of shock!
n'est ce-pas?
which puts suicide a tier below ******...
since: you are premeditating the end...
ergo? no shock...
at least when you're murdered
you are in shock... you're not thinking
of it... but no i see...
death being robbed of its "plans"
with you already thinking about it...
so no shock... no thrill...
unless of course: you have been...
festering with the wounds for years
and what that has allowed is...
a crescendo eventuality...
a culminating point of exit...
                     well: funny how i am mortal
and nothing should be alien
to me regarding such topics...
unlikely, however much it desirable
to be made necessary... this return to all
things governed by the day
and all of its intricacies of mundane -
what colour should the blinds be
for the bedroom
to compensate the insinuations of shade(s)
of the wallpaper...
the formality of language in general...
how society works...
what is a coin in one hand
when i hold a rock in the other?
social constructs and what?
some transcendent values when you're
not jacked-up to a psychedelic trips
whereby: de facto... a mushroom fries your
sponge of a brain?
never knew that deep-fried sponge
could be eased as newly found "crispy"
when all this "****" requires
moving and selling...
hell: towing a shadow for a handshake...
easing my eyes on the moon
come the hallow crescent...
            at night when i sit in the garden
and look at my hands with
chiromancy ghouls and spooks...
     bones are deader: yet the teeth more alive...
aramaic is not armenian...
some gift of the gob from the "fella"
up above...
           voices that make it a crisp tartan,
& biscuit... bellowing with their chorus
like a cutting into silence
with a dozen ******* bagpipes...
bellowing choir...
singing like they are cows
readied for the slaughterhouse...
hear now...
          it has become so apparent:
i write words my words will never utter...
not in conversation:
and i do not believe in turning
my speech into a scripted insolence pre,
that would implode on me
like i'd be regurgitating: a slacking
of the already prized asset of suspense:
a motivation to further - "thinking":
more like brooding / brewing the grinding
of meat...
what of the ******* raw hinde
from the hinterlands of a "revision"
of the ottoman empire...
             brown-beat duck quack hello
new psychopathy or...
a tired re-reading of a tristan tzara...
for dodo and dada and fidgety dough...
immaculate fingernails...
mind you: a period where i was stupid enough
to visit a brothel and **** myself
a robot of i: workable in disguise:
because... whittle wichard wouldn't work
best on a date since:
precursors of too much investment...
so...
female barbers... prior to the ceremony
how she would recognise my voice...
persist in paying hardly the compliment
about how much hair was on my cranium...
and once she finished she would
******* my entire head with
her two hands...
given that i had long hair for a while...
going to a female barber...
or going to a *******: this can really
be contested as to: what's better?
maybe i should have gone to the brothel
and asked for my ***** to be trimmed...
extension anti "gratis"...
other details of... "*******":
            i live a while... but death still
manages to smooch out of me...
a wonton... A...
                        yes... clearly genius prichard
and assembly forrest...
it's not life, this box of chocolates...
it's a broth of dumplings...
same ****, different cover...
sarcasm, rules!
- and there's lee evans... which / who is funny...
i can't buy into smart-funny...
i've been trying to buy into ethno-comedy
strip-back: let's endure the sleazing
baroque of stereotypical white cuckoldry
and the odd ***** mongol...
all that cosmopolitan draft of "nuanced"...

smart-comedy is no comedy...
the dumber, the better...
i'm still giggling about jokes being made
concerning scenarios:
if i had a wife... thank **** i'm not
invested in the logic of darwin...
i'm not here for the genes...
i'm here to close up the "shop":
******* with a few good patent envious
metaphor of memories and the world
can have its ******* hullabaloo...

existentialism and darwinism are
not coincidentally mutual ****-buddies...
one's autistic the other is...
pressing matters for
man as metaphor of ape, lion... parasites...
a ******* "reinvention"
of the chimera...

keeping score my ***:
i'm keeping all the details of indigestions,
a tally of the whole brood...
toothaches and acne sours
for the pleasure of my culmination
asteroid factoid of constipation:
i hope i die a constipated loner...
hell i hope i die towing:
******* turned out to be...
given the still intact "excess" of skin...
the one pleasure in life i would
never find... demeaning or... unreliable...
well thank **** and god to boot
that i wasn't circumcised...
hallelujah! i'm redemption
and the talkative golgotha prize of:
tongue turned into a geometry
of an upside down imploded DELTA...
hirsch: del - y-oh...

y-*******-om-ing...
                          why?!
odes to peter the lad... or why somehow:
demoting an angel to the status of
saint doesn't sit well in my belly...

precious greco-hebrew new: "testimony"?
it was a greco-hebrew adventure...
no?
here the ****** details of:
unobstructed darkening...
take your cleansed morals and transcended
a priori valued diddly-squat:
this supposedly "former" filth...
borrowing from the thespian autocracy
an ear lent: a shadow brokered...
just pretend...

there are no visages that concern themselves
with directly spoken at or to...
or by...
just this murk of by "proxy"...
an "de facto": nuance after nuance
after... a fermentation of an apple is vinegar
and sweet... then all that ******* rot
that's associates with: cleaving off
of sinew working toward the tendons
an the marble architecture of bones...

yes, yes, very nice... thank, you!
atticus wilson Jul 2019
We met under the pretense it would be you and me
I walk up, and there’s someone with you
“Atticus, this is Jamie”
I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you meant two
You and your girlfriend
I know you wanted me to meet her
But still you could have told me
That way I would know and it wouldn’t be as rude to go away
When she reached down
Giving you a ******* ******* under the table
But there I am
Awkwardly sitting
Watching everything but the two of you
As you try to connect us
Join another into our inside jokes
I wanted to get up and ask
“Is there a table for third wheels?”
“White boys can’t jump “ *white boy flops into river*
Jamison Bell Feb 2022
Somebody once wondered why happiness was so fleeting. Until someone else pushed them off a bridge because they wouldn’t shut up about it.

It left me thinking. I put down the Chihuahua I was punching and began to wonder silently to myself. Perhaps that person was onto something.

Perhaps happiness is fleeting so as to be appreciated more when it happens. Like a sunset after a thunderstorm or a ******* from a ***** hobo.

Could perpetual happiness survive the world we live in amidst the ruin of so many? Doubtful save for the ignorant and that ***** ******* giving hobo.

I think, sometimes. That there is a genuine happiness to be found in balance. That soft spot between the sheets of safety and security. But not the wet spot.

It’s all a derivative of the choices we make and the sacrifices we endure. This ideology of happiness is obtainable. Just probably not for you because you ****.
**** yeah...
Obese. My teeth on razor sharp.
Not made up fangs and make up
You can take apart
To paint your car Like
You just got crayons and discovered art.... you must have attended sacred heart. but your amazing smarts
Is like a raisin. I reject it with compulsion.... won't want it on cookies. On cakes or ******* muffins...
Think I'm bluffing with my muffin
I'm just stunning g with my luv glue gunning.....
You ******* ****. I'll punt you into
The sub dessert climate of mclovin
You Hawaii palming *******. Giving
Rambo licking.
****** sniffing. Prissy *****.
I'll challenge you to tetris.
See if you get butthurt
Like dad gets after tennis....
You stuff your shirt.
Of this I'm sure. *** your **** are bout  as developed as my pen iss..
Now let's face the music.
Draw conclusions.
Eminem got one thing right.
This is your only shot
You ******* blew it.....
And we know your moms not hot shes jewish...
Dont make me argue with you till my face is black and blue ish.....
You stupid.
Talk like false teeth.
In the maytag side by side.
The clatter. I arose to yo
St nick. Collapsing next
To prancer. As my dad was.
Getting out a ladder.
The laughter mom exhaled.
Was a feeling hallmark couldn't capture.
Than my dad was ******* his pants.
As his wheel chair rattled off the ladder.
Santa your much fatter.
How you get around.
You silly *******.
While I lost my mind on 12st
And my GPS said this was faster.
It appears.
I've neared and steered.
My bladder. Into a a tantrum.
I **** in hugs when house to house.
Than fire them out at random.
Held Donald's wife for ransom.
And withheld gifts for Charles Manson.
Russell Brandt is pretty naughty
But Harrison Ford is just as bad
And good at being handsome.
Enough about the naughty list
Help me clean my pants up.
I've only got a night.
To give this *******.
To these fake as kids
So miss clause will
Reward me with a *******
ConariConnor Mar 2022
Oh, how Medic hated staying at the base while everyone else went out onto the battlefield. He was tired of being left out, even if he had special chores to take care of. The cool metal against your throat made you shiver. He pulled on his rubber gloves and smiled at the slight fear in your eyes. “Ready, Verräter?” He slowly traced the outline of your face with his scalpel. You barely flinched. “Or are you going to be cooperative and share with me your little secrets?” His accent was so endearing that if you weren't in this situation you would definitely be trying to call you the most degrading of names.
You didn’t answer and his smile grew. You swallow and he starts examining you. Gloved hands grabbed your chin roughly, forcing you to look into his eyes. He definitely got some pleasure as you watched helplessly. “Too bad, you know? You are pretty good-looking. I wonder what I’ll do to you if you don't tell me.”
To be honest, you were actually somewhat enjoying this. This felt like a thrill rather than life-threatening. He slowly receded the razor tip of his tool and instead turned his attention to your torso. “Hold still, Hure.” Your breath hitched. “Or tell me where the Blu team keeps their intel.”
His voice made you melt. Trying to gain composure, you wouldn’t give in too easily. “I- I don’t know.” You lied through your teeth.
He slowly removed your shirt and it took all of your wills to not mold up into his touch. “Which part of you should I cut first?” The cool air hit your chest as you took shallow breaths. He grinned as you writhed under him. “Answer me, Schlampe.” You didn’t know who enjoyed this more. Him, or you. He ran a hand on your thigh tantalizingly. You flinched, lurching up, but the collar on your throat choked you and forced you back down. The unlicensed doctor let out a chuckle “It seems you don’t understand the threat on your life. Tell me the intel and I might let you go. Don’t, and you’ll never leave. Well, at least not alive.”
You stayed silent, both in fear and genuine interest about what he was going to do.
“I think we’ll start with your lips.” His hand went back up to your face, blade teasing your mouth. Soon enough, he pressed it into your skin, ever so slowly, dragging out the pain. A deep moan came from your mouth as the blood seeped down to your chin. He smiled.
“Do you like this, Schlampe?”
You blushed and bit your lip, avoiding eye contact. “Y-yes.” You admitted ashamedly
He laughed. “My, my, my. Whatever will I do with you?” He pressed harder and slashed against your cheek. “But I think I know a way to get words out of your mouth.”  He released the grip on your jaw. He pulled off a glove and ran his hand down to your navel. Goosebumps formed on your skin and sent chills down your spine. His hand tugged on the waistband of your pants. Looking back up at your face, you nod as he goes a little further. “How desperate you are. Even when threatened, you still want this. Pitiful.”  Half naked and strapped on the rather cold operation table, you were shivering. Tugging at your restraints, you pleaded.
“Please don’t tease.” He leaned in close, a maniacal grin on his face and hot breath fanning onto your throat.
“You’re not in the position to be giving me orders. Now, tell me. Where do you keep your intel?” Medic’s hand played with the hem of your undergarments. You bucked up into him, begging for anything. “Tell me, Hündin. You will not get what you want until you tell me.” Finally, you give in.
“I-it’s in the base. T-the kitchen. Soldier insists on hiding it there.”
“Gut gemacht.” He let go of your leg and brought his hand up to your mouth. “**** on them for me.” He said, running his fingers on your bloodied cheek. You eagerly took them into your mouth. He was amused at your enthusiasm. It really turned him on how quick you were to please him. Your tongue ran across each one with fervor, ignoring the metallic taste. You nearly whined when he pulled out. “That's enough for now.”
His attention was focused on your lower regions as he focused on caressing your thighs. Carefully sliding your undergarments out of the way, he slowly slid a finger into you. You mewled out, not daring to have any care, who would hear? Knuckle deep, he chuckled. “Want more?”
“Yes, please.” Slowly and steadily, he added another, stretching you out.
“So well mannered, without instruction.” He marveled, curling them, and slowly moving in and out. “Maybe I should keep you as a pet of mine?” Your eyes rolled to the back of your head at the thought. You licked at the blood pooling near your lips. Medic smiled and leaned into your ear. "You're doing so well, Liebling." You shuddered. "I want to wreck this tight little hole of yours. I want to break you."
"Doctor," you moaned. "Faster, please." He did as asked and sped up his pace, a  satisfied grunt coming from him. He fingered you roughly, taking pride in how loud you moaned for him.
He palmed his ******* with his other hand. He quickly uncuffed your hands, "Touch me." You obeyed and grabbed his clothed member, grinding against it.
"Doctor. I'm going to ***!" You tensed up.
"Not yet, Liebling." He said. "You'll hold it until I say so." You frowned, trying to resist it. You slid past his slacks and grabbed his ****, precum dripping into your palm.
"I didn't give you permission to do that." He moaned. "But, I'll allow it." Already slick, you ****** him off slowly. Gradually, your speed increased as you fought against your ******. You moaned as you edged yourself.
"Please, Doctor!" you cried out.
"G-go ahead."
It hit you hard. You screamed and violently convulsed, legs shaking. You continued your ******* until the German man finished on your face. You took a minute to catch your breath.

"God we need to do this soon."

— The End —