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"halfhearted" poems
"I'm fine," she says with a halfhearted grin. "I'm fine," she says again, waving away a helpful hand. "I'm fine," she says to herself, several minutes later. "I'm fine," she whispers, wiping her face. She's not fine. "I'm fine," she says moments after the cry leaves her lips. "I'm fine," she says to herself, sinking to the floor. "I'm fine," she tells herself, shaking in a ball. "I'm fine," she repeats, picking up the razorblade. She's not fine. "I'm fine," she says to her concerned family. "I'm fine," she insists as those who love her worry. "I'm fine," she says to anyone who listens. "I'm fine," she lies as she slices her wrists. She's not fine. "I'm fine," she cries, sobbing on the bathroom floor. "I'm fine," she wails, but only in a whisper. "I'm fine," she mutters, watching the blood leave her wrist. "I'm fine," she practices, stepping from the room. She's not fine. "I'm fine," she assures the world outside.
0
Jun 5, 2015
Jun 5, 2015 at 8:34 PM UTC
I'm Fine
***Estranged in summer rains'        landscaped  dissolution        evincing season's discontent       neath sun's suffocating alienation; used to rhyme with warmth              and effulgent delectation,    emotional realms fizzled in a               heated  halfhearted sizzle             of down-pour's restless manifestations***
0
Jun 18, 2015
Jun 18, 2015 at 7:33 AM UTC
Downpour's Discontent
Personality problem monumental Attempts to change inconsequential Learning to care A constant struggle Desperation to scream Producing nothing but mumbles A freshly broken heart Can make one so humble Mind pollution No abatement Dissolving solution Emotional Contagion Recycled love Halfhearted statements Am I enough? Romantic damnation
0
Jun 9, 2015
Jun 9, 2015 at 9:53 PM UTC
Romantic Damnation
There are flowers springing from my bones in places they were never planted fracture my skull and call it apathy I say pain is a better road than dying alone; can't you see the way my vision is blurred, squinted too long at the sun now I think I've done damage burned holes in my corneas before the age of 21, but those are just surface things, right? the road feels a lot longer when the cold air hits all my soft spots, like my neck so I cover it up pooling all my efforts into growing thicker blood that will keep my skin warm ;keep kissing bruises on my arms, thinking that love will heal each new halfhearted attempt at self-sabotage or manage the leftover evidence; did somebody forget their brakelights on? I'm trying to figure out how to get these needles out of my head rocket science, learning to reverse detonate what might be left in my system system check, leaving sticky residue behind me in my heavy concave tracks softly trailing back gotta learn to do it right the first time before I backtrack my ears ringing like a sound clap; bringing up old war wounds like we've lost gives us some sense of entitlement things we don't want to lack, leave the last stack where I can mull over the aftermath digging graves for those who are still alive, burn my skin tonight burn it right off my bones so I'll know I'm alive still kicking like the second round the afterthought that realizes what went down the first time don't let me out of the house tonight, god knows what I might find.
0
Nov 10, 2018
Nov 10, 2018 at 11:40 PM UTC
back-track;
There are flowers springing from my bones in places they were never planted fracture my skull and call it apathy I say pain is a better road than dying alone; can't you see the way my vision is blurred, squinted too long at the sun now I think I've done damage burned holes in my corneas before the age of 21, but those are just surface things, right? the road feels a lot longer when the cold air hits all my soft spots, like my neck so I cover it up pooling all my efforts into growing thicker blood that will keep my skin warm ;keep kissing bruises on my arms, thinking that love will heal each new halfhearted attempt at self-sabotage or manage the leftover evidence; did somebody forget their brakelights on? I'm trying to figure out how to get these needles out of my head rocket science, learning to reverse detonate what might be left in my system system check, leaving sticky residue behind me in my heavy concave tracks softly trailing back gotta learn to do it right the first time before I backtrack my ears ringing like a sound clap; bringing up old war wounds like we've lost gives us some sense of entitlement things we don't want to lack, leave the last stack where I can mull over the aftermath digging graves for those who are still alive, burn my skin tonight burn it right off my bones so I'll know I'm alive still kicking like the second round the afterthought that realizes what went down the first time don't let me out of the house tonight, god knows what I might find.
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32
What do you do at 3am when you're tired and bored and its raining? Maybe this is punishment. For eating those grapes before you paid for them in Sainsburys. Or that time you forgot who Buzz Aldron was, or when you took pleasure at beating a five year old at Cluedo. She started crying, and even then, you still would not relinquish your title. Maybe its for that time You were accidentally racist  to the chinese guy taking your order. Or when you forgot to buy your mum a birthday card, or when you made fun of your best friend for not being taller. Or when you said, 'Maybe selective breeding in humans, Is not such a bad thing after all.' Yes, Its definitely punishment for that. But maybe its for all the litter you've dropped, inadvertently or on purpose. Or for last week when you accidentally kicked the cat, or for stealing those library books, For swearing at kids and blaspheming at the dinner table, Christ! Maybe its for nicking your brothers chips, even when you're not really that hungry. For halfhearted apologies handed out like office stationary, for scoffing at most modern art. For not revising when you Really, really should ...But telling your parents you are. But even with all of this, isn't the punishment, just a little bit too harsh? Well now you are sarcastic, and bitter and pessimistic at least 90% of the time. And you do hide the fact that you quite like country music, and that you have a blanket with sleeves (and you genuinely use it) and that you're really rather patriotic at heart. And you didn't say all that stuff when you should have. And you said all that other stuff you didn't mean And you spend far too much of your time Invested in impressing the people you're never going to see again. And you realize all of this... at three o'clock in the morning, alone but for the fading of the rain. And you swear to yourself, with all the fervour of a tired insomniac. That tomorrow. There. Will. Be. Change. But in the cold, harsh light of nine o'clock the same day. Six hours after you fell asleep. You resign yourself to the fact that last nights punishments can all be absolved, by a nice warm cup of tea. And despite what you say at 3am when you're tired and bored, listening to the sound of the rain. You will always be a pessimistic idiot, with delusions of grandeur. That watches too much American TV.
0
Jul 2, 2013
Jul 2, 2013 at 6:38 AM UTC
What Do You Do To Pass The Time (When Its 3AM And You're An Insomniac.)
What do you do at 3am when you're tired and bored and its raining? Maybe this is punishment. For eating those grapes before you paid for them in Sainsburys. Or that time you forgot who Buzz Aldron was, or when you took pleasure at beating a five year old at Cluedo. She started crying, and even then, you still would not relinquish your title. Maybe its for that time You were accidentally racist  to the chinese guy taking your order. Or when you forgot to buy your mum a birthday card, or when you made fun of your best friend for not being taller. Or when you said, 'Maybe selective breeding in humans, Is not such a bad thing after all.' Yes, Its definitely punishment for that. But maybe its for all the litter you've dropped, inadvertently or on purpose. Or for last week when you accidentally kicked the cat, or for stealing those library books, For swearing at kids and blaspheming at the dinner table, Christ! Maybe its for nicking your brothers chips, even when you're not really that hungry. For halfhearted apologies handed out like office stationary, for scoffing at most modern art. For not revising when you Really, really should ...But telling your parents you are. But even with all of this, isn't the punishment, just a little bit too harsh? Well now you are sarcastic, and bitter and pessimistic at least 90% of the time. And you do hide the fact that you quite like country music, and that you have a blanket with sleeves (and you genuinely use it) and that you're really rather patriotic at heart. And you didn't say all that stuff when you should have. And you said all that other stuff you didn't mean And you spend far too much of your time Invested in impressing the people you're never going to see again. And you realize all of this... at three o'clock in the morning, alone but for the fading of the rain. And you swear to yourself, with all the fervour of a tired insomniac. That tomorrow. There. Will. Be. Change. But in the cold, harsh light of nine o'clock the same day. Six hours after you fell asleep. You resign yourself to the fact that last nights punishments can all be absolved, by a nice warm cup of tea. And despite what you say at 3am when you're tired and bored, listening to the sound of the rain. You will always be a pessimistic idiot, with delusions of grandeur. That watches too much American TV.
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39
you tell me you'd rather leave than smell the smoke that lingers on my skin you tell me that i can't be happy when all i have is nicotine and halfhearted lies you tell me not to play with fire because i might burn myself to the ground but what you don't realize is i am a wildfire and i want to burn ((out))
0
Jul 18, 2016
Jul 18, 2016 at 9:31 AM UTC
burn.
Here I am In this four-walled box The door is open But bound by locks The key is present But not at hand If I could just reach it But I don't think I can At first Anger resided, Sister Bitterness too Then stark Coldness, The winds of Biting Blues When the walls Began to fade a little I outstretched my hand T o reach for the key Only to make it to the middle My fingertips just scraping On the nothingness of air I pulled back fast Fell back in the chair For all I knew this was a halfhearted attempt And rushing back came Anger and Contempt Coldness and the winds of Biting Blues too For, after all, nothing follows through. The door remains open But the locks still locked The key still present But not where I thought For as Father Time ticktocks days away I begin to think "What's all this worth anyway?" And again I try To reach for the key My eyes finding that all along It's right in front of me I reached out A tentative hand I met no obstacles But barely hoped to land I moved forward a few more steps To bring me closer to my goal The elusive but stationary key to my soul This time cold metal and warm skin touch I feel a small thrill Fear or Excitement? I can't tell much But all too soon Oh, when will I learn That you have to want it To feel the burn For yet again I left the right things unsaid And felt the painful yet familiar shreds Of Frustration and Anger 'Cause I can't or won't say The words that will save all my days So yet again I face failure But at the root of it I know That part of me's holding back Fearing to be accused of putting on a show The fact that everything comes down to me Should place me on the right track, I see But I just can't ever seem to reach The KEY So very elusive, yet always stationary As Father Time ticktocks the days into months And anxieties creep too dangerously near Again, I start to ponder and then fear While seated in a four-walled box The door is open but bound by locks The key is present but not at hand Will I ever reach it? Please tell me if you believe I can.
0
Jun 13, 2013
Jun 13, 2013 at 10:55 PM UTC
Reach for the Key
Here I am In this four-walled box The door is open But bound by locks The key is present But not at hand If I could just reach it But I don't think I can At first Anger resided, Sister Bitterness too Then stark Coldness, The winds of Biting Blues When the walls Began to fade a little I outstretched my hand T o reach for the key Only to make it to the middle My fingertips just scraping On the nothingness of air I pulled back fast Fell back in the chair For all I knew this was a halfhearted attempt And rushing back came Anger and Contempt Coldness and the winds of Biting Blues too For, after all, nothing follows through. The door remains open But the locks still locked The key still present But not where I thought For as Father Time ticktocks days away I begin to think "What's all this worth anyway?" And again I try To reach for the key My eyes finding that all along It's right in front of me I reached out A tentative hand I met no obstacles But barely hoped to land I moved forward a few more steps To bring me closer to my goal The elusive but stationary key to my soul This time cold metal and warm skin touch I feel a small thrill Fear or Excitement? I can't tell much But all too soon Oh, when will I learn That you have to want it To feel the burn For yet again I left the right things unsaid And felt the painful yet familiar shreds Of Frustration and Anger 'Cause I can't or won't say The words that will save all my days So yet again I face failure But at the root of it I know That part of me's holding back Fearing to be accused of putting on a show The fact that everything comes down to me Should place me on the right track, I see But I just can't ever seem to reach The KEY So very elusive, yet always stationary As Father Time ticktocks the days into months And anxieties creep too dangerously near Again, I start to ponder and then fear While seated in a four-walled box The door is open but bound by locks The key is present but not at hand Will I ever reach it? Please tell me if you believe I can.
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75
1. I feel fractured splintered defeated entirely insular and spread to thin all at the same time covered with insecurities like a cheap suit or hollow exoskeleton nothing more than a lie. I grow tired. I'm bluffing my way through this life a brutal honesty I lack the courage to accept hiding my face from every mirrored surface a halfhearted attempt to prolong this detrimental denial. I can't ******** my way through self-reflection and trying to improve my image feels positively improvised. I lack sincerity and authenticity an individual breathing without zeal I need a break. 2. Here I am again a lonely itinerant migrating to the proverbial and often visited crossroads rather than contemplating a direction worth navigating be it following in the worn footprints of others or a path long overgrown with neglect. I'd rather lie down on the gravel road and nap in the open air just to wake up confused and temperamental. The destination remains unknown my indecision remains intact. I give impetuous a bad name by reputation and repetition alike conjoined twins that speaks to fate and circumstance. Like Houdini I'm secured in a long sleeve shirt dangling upside down from a burning rope placing blame on the flame. I need a break. 3. I'm not as intelligent or insightful as I once thought my wasted youth is a testament. A modern ruin like so many a Blockbuster I've outlasted my usefulness. I imagine what could have been clueless as to what lies ahead. A jovial repentance seems as likely as success, or stability, **** simplicity. Is it all too much to ask? I've been on break too long. 4. reboot jumpstart Alleviate my stagnant, vacant lot in life and cast off these first world problems. Consider not the flat champagne or the distance that separates today from death. Speak positively to the people that would not otherwise attract minimal attention. Set goals both grand and plausible with no worry of dividends and release cynicism and determine a trajectory that I may see through to completion. If for no other reason but to say that I tried. It's not so bad this imagined and dire circumstance. Relax and go on break.
0
Feb 11, 2013
Feb 11, 2013 at 7:48 PM UTC
a letter to my once and future self (verascimititional lies I've told)
1. I feel fractured splintered defeated entirely insular and spread to thin all at the same time covered with insecurities like a cheap suit or hollow exoskeleton nothing more than a lie. I grow tired. I'm bluffing my way through this life a brutal honesty I lack the courage to accept hiding my face from every mirrored surface a halfhearted attempt to prolong this detrimental denial. I can't ******** my way through self-reflection and trying to improve my image feels positively improvised. I lack sincerity and authenticity an individual breathing without zeal I need a break. 2. Here I am again a lonely itinerant migrating to the proverbial and often visited crossroads rather than contemplating a direction worth navigating be it following in the worn footprints of others or a path long overgrown with neglect. I'd rather lie down on the gravel road and nap in the open air just to wake up confused and temperamental. The destination remains unknown my indecision remains intact. I give impetuous a bad name by reputation and repetition alike conjoined twins that speaks to fate and circumstance. Like Houdini I'm secured in a long sleeve shirt dangling upside down from a burning rope placing blame on the flame. I need a break. 3. I'm not as intelligent or insightful as I once thought my wasted youth is a testament. A modern ruin like so many a Blockbuster I've outlasted my usefulness. I imagine what could have been clueless as to what lies ahead. A jovial repentance seems as likely as success, or stability, **** simplicity. Is it all too much to ask? I've been on break too long. 4. reboot jumpstart Alleviate my stagnant, vacant lot in life and cast off these first world problems. Consider not the flat champagne or the distance that separates today from death. Speak positively to the people that would not otherwise attract minimal attention. Set goals both grand and plausible with no worry of dividends and release cynicism and determine a trajectory that I may see through to completion. If for no other reason but to say that I tried. It's not so bad this imagined and dire circumstance. Relax and go on break.
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77
I haven’t been playing my guitar as of late and it’s not because I’ve lost interest- I still love the same musicians I did before and I’d love nothing more to be able to play like them. I’ve picked it up a couple times in the past three months and I’ve found that even though I know exactly what chords to play and where all the notes are that once made me happy, it ends up sounding off and halfhearted; that happens when you don’t press down between the frets hard enough. I didn’t realize that I was so afraid of holding onto something since you left
0
Aug 8, 2018
Aug 8, 2018 at 6:07 PM UTC
a thought I had while strumming
Our wilier webs woven with the distractions of self-absorption can come to feel cheated if we use them only for halfhearted games of catch and eventual release. He’d overlooked that part. Then there was an obligation to prey who so willingly strayed upon the taffy pull of his sweet and sticky strands. The scrunch up of their wee faces squeaked, “We deserve to have our glued-down expectations met with a most gruesome expertise.” He’d just wanted to watch them struggle a smidge, at first. It was a test if this muscle the scribes ascribe as rightly plagued by pangs was in him perhaps despicably defective. With each tripper-by trapped the examinations grew more tortuously complex, and when none raised even the slightest murmur of a palpitation, he gave the web its dripped-dry due, at last. “The murderous truth will out,” they say. It did, monstrously. Now his bound but gagless masques are always well-attended.
0
Sep 29, 2010
Sep 29, 2010 at 7:40 AM UTC
Never underestimate the power of telling people what they want to hear
i swallowed the bathroom mirror whole threw an entire bag of lemon drops into the highway and danced on someone else's grave in a failed attempt at self-acceptance. it's hard to shatter the saccharine sweet taste of personal hate sticking to my hands like half melted wax. i've almost given myself permission to fail but not yet. hasn't it been stovetop memories a couple haircuts and one hell of a year? scratch the back of my neck in a halfhearted attempt to forget and i'll take up burning aluminum pillows like i took up loving myself.
0
Aug 3, 2016
Aug 3, 2016 at 6:46 PM UTC
burning aluminum pillows
What makes you feel better Than long walks at night, A lung's breath of cold air, Inklings of dreams and aspirations With a halfhearted plan to get there.
0
Dec 3, 2014
Dec 3, 2014 at 6:08 PM UTC
naiveté
One year older No more wiser Aging an inevitability Unwanted like rain in summer or a scuff on a new pair of shoes A day for celebration should be a day for mourning black veils and chrysanthemums a footstone for the grave A retailers delight for card companies and cake shops not for halfhearted smiles or aging discontent For me, just another day One year older no more wiser aging an inevitability
0
Jan 8, 2012
Jan 8, 2012 at 11:39 AM UTC
Birth day
I feel sad again I don't know why I play around with it in my head But there's still no reason why Maybe it's because I fail at all I try Maybe it's because I am not special Maybe it's because I'm too weak Maybe it's for no reason at all Maybe my outlook is simply too bleak Suicide; I haven't thought of how In a long time Suicide; I have thought of  when Maybe now It seems as good a time as any But how to do it? The choices again are too many. I tried it once and failed (Story of my life) A halfhearted attempt derailed I am sad again I don't know why I am deep Below the sky Help! I shout In my head Help! I never shout Out loud Again why? Oh let me cry I want to weep but I can't And here again WHY I feel alone My heart beat frozen I want to show how I feel On the out side But it never seems right I am a in a solo fight Again WHY? I'm heavy and fat But I hate the heavy feeling that stops my simile But I hate the heaving feeling that keeps me in bed I hate the heavy feeling hovering all the while I hate the heavy feeling that's rotting my head. I'm fat and I hate it but I'm sad and I hate it more This heaving feeling I abhor Am I rotten? Am I rotting? I don't see the point Is there one? I am sad Again I don't know why The pain is too much and has been going on for far too long Good things never last and bad things find a way to stay I feel abandoned and alone I feel like I have no home Lost in a dark forest It's black and all around are the screams of who I used to be In the distance I see a tall black tree On it a rope I tie it around my neck and set myself free
0
May 9, 2015
May 9, 2015 at 5:21 PM UTC
Again
I feel sad again I don't know why I play around with it in my head But there's still no reason why Maybe it's because I fail at all I try Maybe it's because I am not special Maybe it's because I'm too weak Maybe it's for no reason at all Maybe my outlook is simply too bleak Suicide; I haven't thought of how In a long time Suicide; I have thought of  when Maybe now It seems as good a time as any But how to do it? The choices again are too many. I tried it once and failed (Story of my life) A halfhearted attempt derailed I am sad again I don't know why I am deep Below the sky Help! I shout In my head Help! I never shout Out loud Again why? Oh let me cry I want to weep but I can't And here again WHY I feel alone My heart beat frozen I want to show how I feel On the out side But it never seems right I am a in a solo fight Again WHY? I'm heavy and fat But I hate the heavy feeling that stops my simile But I hate the heaving feeling that keeps me in bed I hate the heavy feeling hovering all the while I hate the heavy feeling that's rotting my head. I'm fat and I hate it but I'm sad and I hate it more This heaving feeling I abhor Am I rotten? Am I rotting? I don't see the point Is there one? I am sad Again I don't know why The pain is too much and has been going on for far too long Good things never last and bad things find a way to stay I feel abandoned and alone I feel like I have no home Lost in a dark forest It's black and all around are the screams of who I used to be In the distance I see a tall black tree On it a rope I tie it around my neck and set myself free
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64
Cinnamon sonogram Detect the abnormalities too late. Morning after birth of a placebo placenta. Irrigate the porcelain of a lost labor laboratory. Love found not within the arms of the golem grasping for straws. - Wailing a harmony of blue and red. Pumping panacea. Steady the pace, you hotheads with elegant electric veins. On Monday she sung so sweetly and whispered her prophet tales. Saturday appeared as an echoing, hollow and halfhearted hymn. - They retreat in rebellion; lapping at salt laced lacerations. Rye, grain, roots, and grapes for the Baroness of the Barrens. Weeping waters leads to the sleeping daughters that dangle their threats like fishing hooks off of the edge of a world so flat.
0
Aug 20, 2013
Aug 20, 2013 at 2:44 PM UTC
Cradle
No matter how wide we smile together Or how hard we laugh out loud Or how often we talk to each other Or how we seldom join a crowd I can never be more than that *We smile together But I am not the reason for that smile We laugh out loud But every time we laugh out loud, it is halfhearted We talk a lot very often But the subject is not about you, me or us We seldom join crowds But you would sometimes make me feel like an outcast* I can not complain Nor can I refrain From the fact that I will never be the first Nor the last at worst
0
Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 9:56 AM UTC
Us?
The rabbit hops through the snow, Almost disappearing As his fur is bright and white as the fog behind him. He halts when he sees the large black bear. The bear spots him immediately. The bear bounds over to the rabbit, And stands on his hind legs after they touch noses. The rabbit ***** his head to the side, And the bear paws at the note tied to his neck. A man clears his throat. The bear jumps, obviously shaken by the noise, While the rabbit edges closer, chest puffed out and head held high. The man laughs. "I won't hurt you." The man says softly. "That note, I believe it's for me." The bear is crouched, Seemingly trying to hide behind the rabbit. The rabbit sticks his little arms out to his sides, And shakes his head. The man frowns. A lion appears behind him. And then a tiger. And then cats and dogs and birds and snakes. "There haven't been animals in this wood in decades." Explains the man. "All these animals are just like you." The bears slowly looks up and blinks at the other animals. The rabbit puts down his arms. He suddenly bounces towards the man, sniffs him furiously, And then grabs the note off the bear's neck. The bear lets out a halfhearted roar, And sits down. The man reads the note. He crushes it in his hands, and calls to the various, now having become animals. He stands, back turned to the bear. The bear's eyes go wide. "All of your people did what they could to protect you. It is now that we seek vengeance for them. It is now that we take back these woods, our land. It is now that we save the remainders of our people. We have become, because of them. It's time we pay our debt!" The rabbit stands at the man's feet. He looks awe-struck, and he squeaks in agreement while the other animals grown and yowl their responses. The bear does nothing, but stare at the man's back. Because out of the man's back Sticks a wind-up key. That just keeps on spinning, With no end in sight.
0
Dec 13, 2016
Dec 13, 2016 at 2:11 PM UTC
Once You Become pt. 3
The rabbit hops through the snow, Almost disappearing As his fur is bright and white as the fog behind him. He halts when he sees the large black bear. The bear spots him immediately. The bear bounds over to the rabbit, And stands on his hind legs after they touch noses. The rabbit ***** his head to the side, And the bear paws at the note tied to his neck. A man clears his throat. The bear jumps, obviously shaken by the noise, While the rabbit edges closer, chest puffed out and head held high. The man laughs. "I won't hurt you." The man says softly. "That note, I believe it's for me." The bear is crouched, Seemingly trying to hide behind the rabbit. The rabbit sticks his little arms out to his sides, And shakes his head. The man frowns. A lion appears behind him. And then a tiger. And then cats and dogs and birds and snakes. "There haven't been animals in this wood in decades." Explains the man. "All these animals are just like you." The bears slowly looks up and blinks at the other animals. The rabbit puts down his arms. He suddenly bounces towards the man, sniffs him furiously, And then grabs the note off the bear's neck. The bear lets out a halfhearted roar, And sits down. The man reads the note. He crushes it in his hands, and calls to the various, now having become animals. He stands, back turned to the bear. The bear's eyes go wide. "All of your people did what they could to protect you. It is now that we seek vengeance for them. It is now that we take back these woods, our land. It is now that we save the remainders of our people. We have become, because of them. It's time we pay our debt!" The rabbit stands at the man's feet. He looks awe-struck, and he squeaks in agreement while the other animals grown and yowl their responses. The bear does nothing, but stare at the man's back. Because out of the man's back Sticks a wind-up key. That just keeps on spinning, With no end in sight.
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41
****** Mary sunset Soft tequila sigh Ivory teardrop tumbler Disregarded sky Street breeze through the window Kettle on the stove Chopin in the parlor Empty pack of cloves Resonance of redwood Essence of the earth Shrine to Mother Mary Sacred ****** birth Portraits on the table Gazing toward the floor Cobwebs in the dresser Tucked behind closed doors Violins descending From the upper room Dissonance impending Lost in worry’s womb ****** Mary sunrise Flower pillow sigh Alka Seltzer tumbler Halfhearted goodbye
0
Dec 6, 2015
Dec 6, 2015 at 6:01 PM UTC
Fiona's Fair Weather Flat
I have become the ocean of bad ideas and halfhearted attempts that laps at your shores and beckons for you to come and get your feet wet, wading in the tides. Won’t you come in for a swim? My sharks don’t bite much, unless they’re angry and the jellyfish aren’t poisonous until they find you naked and exposed. My surging waves surround the tiny island of your reason and become all that you see because I’m all you’re looking for at this moment...you’ve blinded yourself to better opportunities…I am the truth you won’t face or find out about until later. You know what I’m talking about lady. I’m the tattooed “Bad Boy” sitting across from you, the one who excites you. The one you can’t take your eyes away from long enough to see the “Good Guy” sitting in the corner.
0
Aug 25, 2012
Aug 25, 2012 at 12:57 AM UTC
Choosing Poorly
MY DARKEST DESIRE COULD IGNITE ALL OF HELL’S FIRES. WITH MY SELF-SERVING ACTIONS THAT TWIST ALONG MY JADED INTENTIONS. MY DARKNESS HIDES IN PLAIN SIGHT AND WILL NEVER BE MENTIONED. OUR EYES MET THROUGH A CASCADE OF STRANGERS, MY DEMON INSTINCTIVELY RECOGNIZING YOUR OWN. IT’S UNNERVING THIS KIND OF LOVE.. UNKNOWN TO MOST AND INTIMATE WITH EVEN LESS. DESCRIBED ONCE AS A LOVELY AFFECTION THAT CAN CUT BONE GIFTING A LINGERING CHILL. PURE FREEDOM IS WHEN YOUR EVIL EXPERIENCES ANOTHER’S.. WICKED PLEASURE. BOTH FIENDS WELD TOGETHER TINY PIECES OF THEIR HEART. A BOND CREATED OVER THE FIRST WICKEDLY SHARED SCANDAL. LINKING ONE TO THE OTHER FOR ETERNITY-PURE UNDYING FREEDOM. THERE IS NOTHING AS TRULY FREE AS BEING YOUR ABSOLUTE WORST VERSION: THE NIGHTMARE YOU. KNOWING THERE WILL NEVER BE LINES DRAWN OR REPERCUSSIONS FOR CREATING CHAOS IS LIBERATING. IT’S OBSESSIVELY TEMPTING ALL YOUR THOUGHTS. EVEN WHEN YOU YOURSELF KNOW NOT TO WREAK HAVOC. EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS AN OPTION WHEN BEING CATASTROPHIC WITH SOMEONE REFLECTIVELY FRIGHTENING. THERE ARE NO SHAMEFUL SECRETS, HALFHEARTED LIES, OR EXPECTATIONS. IT’S INSPIRING. MY SHADOW SELF WAS WORSHIPED AND EMBRACED FOR IT’S WILD WICKEDNESS. YOUR DEVIL IS IMPOSSIBLY SATED AND CONTENT WITH THIS FRESHLY ALTERNATIVE HIGH. BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A SECRET TO TELL, A PROMISE TO BREAK, AND AN ITCH TO SCRATCH. LIKE ALL MONSTERS, MINE WANTS TO LEARN, NAY IT CRAVES! TO CONQUER THIS SEDUCTIVELY STRANGE SIN. ALL SKELETONS OF EVIL LEARN THEIR WAY AROUND THUNDERSTORMS OF CHARCOAL RAINBOWS. A DARK DEFORMED BOW IS A TRUE IDOL FOR ALL IMMORAL ACTS, CRIMES, AND TRANSGRESSIONS. THE ONLY PRIZE THAT WILL BE FOUND AT THE END OF THIS DARK RAINBOW IS THE BLACKEST OF HEARTS-SYMMETRICAL TO YOUR VERY OWN, A PERFECT MATCH. WILL I WIN YOUR BLACK HEART OR WILL YOU WIN MINE? LET THE GAMES BEGIN, IN LOVE TO BE LOVED BY A SAVAGE LOVER.
0
Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015 at 7:27 AM UTC
Wicked Pleasure
MY DARKEST DESIRE COULD IGNITE ALL OF HELL’S FIRES. WITH MY SELF-SERVING ACTIONS THAT TWIST ALONG MY JADED INTENTIONS. MY DARKNESS HIDES IN PLAIN SIGHT AND WILL NEVER BE MENTIONED. OUR EYES MET THROUGH A CASCADE OF STRANGERS, MY DEMON INSTINCTIVELY RECOGNIZING YOUR OWN. IT’S UNNERVING THIS KIND OF LOVE.. UNKNOWN TO MOST AND INTIMATE WITH EVEN LESS. DESCRIBED ONCE AS A LOVELY AFFECTION THAT CAN CUT BONE GIFTING A LINGERING CHILL. PURE FREEDOM IS WHEN YOUR EVIL EXPERIENCES ANOTHER’S.. WICKED PLEASURE. BOTH FIENDS WELD TOGETHER TINY PIECES OF THEIR HEART. A BOND CREATED OVER THE FIRST WICKEDLY SHARED SCANDAL. LINKING ONE TO THE OTHER FOR ETERNITY-PURE UNDYING FREEDOM. THERE IS NOTHING AS TRULY FREE AS BEING YOUR ABSOLUTE WORST VERSION: THE NIGHTMARE YOU. KNOWING THERE WILL NEVER BE LINES DRAWN OR REPERCUSSIONS FOR CREATING CHAOS IS LIBERATING. IT’S OBSESSIVELY TEMPTING ALL YOUR THOUGHTS. EVEN WHEN YOU YOURSELF KNOW NOT TO WREAK HAVOC. EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS AN OPTION WHEN BEING CATASTROPHIC WITH SOMEONE REFLECTIVELY FRIGHTENING. THERE ARE NO SHAMEFUL SECRETS, HALFHEARTED LIES, OR EXPECTATIONS. IT’S INSPIRING. MY SHADOW SELF WAS WORSHIPED AND EMBRACED FOR IT’S WILD WICKEDNESS. YOUR DEVIL IS IMPOSSIBLY SATED AND CONTENT WITH THIS FRESHLY ALTERNATIVE HIGH. BUT THERE IS ALWAYS A SECRET TO TELL, A PROMISE TO BREAK, AND AN ITCH TO SCRATCH. LIKE ALL MONSTERS, MINE WANTS TO LEARN, NAY IT CRAVES! TO CONQUER THIS SEDUCTIVELY STRANGE SIN. ALL SKELETONS OF EVIL LEARN THEIR WAY AROUND THUNDERSTORMS OF CHARCOAL RAINBOWS. A DARK DEFORMED BOW IS A TRUE IDOL FOR ALL IMMORAL ACTS, CRIMES, AND TRANSGRESSIONS. THE ONLY PRIZE THAT WILL BE FOUND AT THE END OF THIS DARK RAINBOW IS THE BLACKEST OF HEARTS-SYMMETRICAL TO YOUR VERY OWN, A PERFECT MATCH. WILL I WIN YOUR BLACK HEART OR WILL YOU WIN MINE? LET THE GAMES BEGIN, IN LOVE TO BE LOVED BY A SAVAGE LOVER.
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19
A cursed affliction of the heart A human condition that drives us hither And thither chasing a ghostly calling On a restless search for mirages We are all actors Playing our role Said a great sonnet writer We use to quote platitudes But what of those who wander A crossroad of diverging futures Where one role does not satisfy Their boundless hopes and desires A poet one moment A grave digger the next Who shovels mud in the darkness And finds meaning in the light A role fit for a novel maybe Or at least a bad play Starring unknown faces Gesticulating to an empty theatre Some find solace behind the pages Of a tattered copy of Crime and Punishment Leading a vicarious life of alcoholics and whoremongers And some become what they don’t read Blessed is the mind whose devotion Is pure, untainted by the spectre Of what is and what could be Charting a singleminded road that plods on To heights heavenward To places unexplored In a narrow field of vision Towards a sunlit horizon And not be stuck in the bogs Of indecisive action Of halfhearted measures In a dreary haze of possibilities But it’s only a cosmic joke one would say For why did the Almighty in his wisdom Make a world so vast and beautiful Our ambitions so conspicuously lofty And our fleeting lives so very inadequate?
0
Jul 16, 2014
Jul 16, 2014 at 8:30 AM UTC
Fickle
Staring in a mirror. Again It makes me feel worse just to see I braided my hair so neatly Now it's falling apart at the seams There's a comparison there Let's not look into it If I stick pins in Tie up all the loose ends again It'll look neater, sure As long as you don't look too close Cause there's a glittering metal barricade Of a halfhearted hairstyle I tried to save
0
Jun 15, 2021
Jun 15, 2021 at 11:08 AM UTC
Tied up
*She was undeniably warm. The spirit in her is as balmy as summer. A soul brimful of hopes and desires. Until a sudden day came, when everything feels bleak and inexplicable. Fear created a room in her. The tangled mind she has is devouring her spirit and she started losing spark. Things are slowly becoming halfhearted in her eyes; even prayer becomes a tough battle. Her mornings are frigid. Her smile turned into misery. The cold vibe she's facing, made a winter in her heart.* -Steph Dionisio, August 19, 2016
0
Aug 19, 2016
Aug 19, 2016 at 7:58 AM UTC
® Winter of the Heart
I dive right in even though I know that by the time I get to the bottom the pool will be shallow and when I stand up and shake the water from my hair and open my eyes I know for certain that the water will have drained away entirely. Just me, soaking, sopping, sobbing in an empty pit of gray concrete. I will still dive because that                                fall                                      through the                      air will be the most precious thing, I suspect. I am sure it will be for nothing in the end but before then, it will be for you. I will do it for you and for my own selfish reasons, because it's you, I know, and I will never find another like you nor will I try. When you leave I want to remember you properly, with your eyes shining but not from tears. Smiling eyes, laughing pools of brown, open. Always I will remember you and I want the memories to be perfect because I love you and I am not as selfless as you and I want to remember love this way so that when I fall into the shallow water and the shock flows up my spine and stings my soul I can remember your face and remember that I did it for you, that love is strong enough to push acrophobia off the edge and send it        s       o    a    r       i    n    g   with arms spread wide and eyes wide open. Maybe if I can remember that, the soaring before the fall, I will try again to find it even though I know it won't be your fall. I will continue in search of it anyway, a hopeless search for something halfhearted, but I will continue it whole-heartedly, that I might always be reminded of you. And now, I will embrace the concrete floor, the stinging of the spirit and the soaring of the soul, as I fall, that you might see my smile and enjoy the fall with me, before it crashes. That is how much I love you.
0
May 6, 2013
May 6, 2013 at 1:25 PM UTC
That is how much
I dive right in even though I know that by the time I get to the bottom the pool will be shallow and when I stand up and shake the water from my hair and open my eyes I know for certain that the water will have drained away entirely. Just me, soaking, sopping, sobbing in an empty pit of gray concrete. I will still dive because that                                fall                                      through the                      air will be the most precious thing, I suspect. I am sure it will be for nothing in the end but before then, it will be for you. I will do it for you and for my own selfish reasons, because it's you, I know, and I will never find another like you nor will I try. When you leave I want to remember you properly, with your eyes shining but not from tears. Smiling eyes, laughing pools of brown, open. Always I will remember you and I want the memories to be perfect because I love you and I am not as selfless as you and I want to remember love this way so that when I fall into the shallow water and the shock flows up my spine and stings my soul I can remember your face and remember that I did it for you, that love is strong enough to push acrophobia off the edge and send it        s       o    a    r       i    n    g   with arms spread wide and eyes wide open. Maybe if I can remember that, the soaring before the fall, I will try again to find it even though I know it won't be your fall. I will continue in search of it anyway, a hopeless search for something halfhearted, but I will continue it whole-heartedly, that I might always be reminded of you. And now, I will embrace the concrete floor, the stinging of the spirit and the soaring of the soul, as I fall, that you might see my smile and enjoy the fall with me, before it crashes. That is how much I love you.
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55
When you sit Amongst loose-knit rubble Like a halfhearted apocalypse With your hands out, Fingers splayed As if to say, here, Here are my pieces, Weave me back together, I will just stare through The hole shaped from inky dusk On my horizon Etched when you escaped Into a pinpoint of skyline, Trying to remember The sensation of liking The person you love. I don't want to hurt you, But conniving with empty palms Will not wrinkle your spine Enough to make you see That standing up straight Was never the point.
0
May 31, 2013
May 31, 2013 at 6:09 PM UTC
Painkiller