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Deadwood Jawn Dec 2018
I've been surging with...
                        N E U R O T I C  E N E R G Y
                  
                                                                ­        All day
                                                             ­           at work.

I had to
         try and
               keep it
                     under control.

Control...                                    Control..­
o                                                   o
n                                                   n
t                                                    t
r       ­                                             r
o                 ­                                  o
l                                                    l
.       ­                                             .
.                 ­                                   .
.                                                    .

It's her. It's her.
Come on... Summon it.

I can still
              S E E  H E R
            e             e
          e                   r

E        V        E        R        Y        W       H        E        R        E

S h e ' s
                    a l l
                                    a r o u n d
                                                                ­ m e . . .

Dark, neurotic,
          blackened,                                   ­             - crimson goes here -
                  jet aura

I am
  Terriblyyyyyyyyyy                                       They spent
                                   y                                      more time
                                     y                                    with her
                                         y
                                              y
               ­                                  y
                                      s   s s
                               s
                            s
Jealoussssssssss

I should have come...
Right..?

We argued.
         Arrows shot everywhere.
              It felt good to
                    trade blows
                         with her.

I was                                           (haha!)
     so ****
        angryyyyyyyyyyy

                                  I­ must say, she
                                      takes a lot -
                                  Resilience? Nah...
                                      EMPATHY.

WHAT AN ACCURSED WORD.
EMPATHY. EMPATHY. EMPATHY.
HOW I SEEK YOU!
EMPATHY. EMPATHY. EMPATHY.
                                       .
                D I S C O R D.
                                  e  
                        ­      e
                          e
                      e
            ­    e
            l
b

Sometimes
I
Am
Just
So
Mad
At
You.

Sometimes
I
Am
Just
So
In love
With
You.
                                                  ­                               I am not
                                                             ­                    special to
                                                              ­                   you.

                                     Queen of the Nine!

Every time the healer healed me
I think I wanted to hurt again.

When she touched me yesterday...
I...
   It was...
        I just...
           I was...
              I really...
                 I craved it more.

It is unwise to persue her.
Distance yourself, warrior.
You must protect the..
             FRAGILE
               GLASS
                VASE
                   IN
                 YOU.

It is in pieces.
You are in pieces.
Look at what you cannot have.

                                      ... I shouldn't have become
                                          vulnerable to you
                                          that very night ...
(Written a day ago in a journal I have) Regarding frustration, guilt, intense anger and also regret. Plus, jealousy. Overall? A bad time. Many conflicting feelings. A long talk is due with an unrelated friend. I must exorcise the negative energy. I will also invest my empathy in others now.
Guilt is such an awful prison with no guards
Free yourself from your mind before it’s too late
Consuming fires of fake morals and dogma
Playing wicked tricks of shaming
And self-imposed irrational pain
Blurring the possible vision of an escape
Through an already wide open gate


Altered Perception
Guilt serving no purpose except for self-loathing
Chelsea Primera May 2017
In go the stabs to my synthetic skin.
Sew my eyes,
recreate them with the charm of Rumpelstiltskin’s tricks.
Stitch my lips,
Color them with the scarlet of Snow White’s cursed apple.
Snip my hairs,
String together the golden threads of Rapunzel’s deathly charm.
Stuff my *******,
Fill them with the ingredients of witches’ wildest fantasies.
Mold my legs,
Fit them in for the glasswork of Cinderella shoes.
Tattoo my heart,
make each beat a praiseworthy beauty.
A poem about plastic surgery and standardized beauty.
Apathy Jul 2014
The storm has gone
It's eerily quiet
As darkness creeps in
I try not to fight it.

My body is broken
****** and mangled
I hug my knees closer
My heartstrings all tangled.

My skin is stripped away
Taking my protection
My thoughts are dull rusty blades
Cutting deep, horrid infections.
Please, don't leave me alone...
Becca Lansman Jul 2018
I am a melting *** of guilt
overflowing and staining the carpet--
I will give all of myself to you

bones to eyelashes  --

let me bleed for you
hold you in my arms drowning
in what i could not give

I lay awake

counting the ways i could have done more
counting the ways it was my fault
allowing the guilt to fester on my skin the acid

burning holes
leaving scars

A reminder that I
could have done better.
Lendon Partain Mar 2016
I'm dissecting my heart today
I'm going to a hotel room
No one will follow me
The bathtub is full

Walk to the convenience store
Bruised ankles.
Bad night of skating
Hotel room empty

Filled again by my draping body
Stupor
Falling over chairs
I hang my head on the bed

Falling deep into gravity
The center of everything
The heart
Tearing

Councilling the loss
Creeping in the fenestrae
Crashing into the bricks
That make up my middle

The middle of everything
Guilt
Agony of ones self


A hate that is no ones but your own fault
A person you can't escape
Until finally the grey matter or all the blood runs away from you
Because it hates you so much

You hate you so much
You hate you so much

The liquor stores distance is the only thing keeping you from it
So ****** that you can't even bring yourself out of the hotel bathroom
Or out of the tiles
The white tiles
The grout crimson
Filled up.
Tommy Randell Jun 2017
Grenfell Tower burns
A warning the war goes on
While we sleep on watch
Date line London, UK - 14th June 2017
Tommy Randell Nov 2016
A dove sat beside me
As I supped my Pint,
Looking away from me
Not meeting my eyes.
The cold in the day
Raising her down,
Puffing her up
To a serious frown.

"Are you happy there,
Thomas, yourself?" says she.
"Sitting there supping
On that warm balcony?
While I take my ease
On this cold metal rail,
Rounded and bested
By the wind at my tail."

"Have you no bit of bread,
Or a crumb of sweet cake?
Have you a drop of the clear
I might care to partake?
No? Well no matter,
It is for the best
As I've much left to do
Before I'm back at my nest."

"The squabs are all waiting
The milk from my crop,
So I'm back up the harbour
With the wind in a strop.
Sit as you are, Master
Take in the dew,
Enjoy it, this Peace,
In this moment, this Truth."

And meeting my eye
With a glint glassy but soft,
She sprang from the rail
And was battled aloft.
I looked on the town
And the harbour-side trade,
Supping my pint,
Mindful and weighed.

Tommy Randell 20th Feb 2016
Ashley Jerome Oct 2018
Even if you
can not hear
my voice,
I'll be right
beside you
this is for you- XII - V - MMXVII, I should have saved you
thejohnags Jul 2018
never been so unsure,
all i need is a little more time.
no, i'm not walking out that door.
no, i don't know.

i'm a sinner with no trace,
when did the rush fade away?
when did i think you were a mistake?
no, i'm your mistake.

i'm yet to see your eyes,
will its spark outshine my pride?
you're yet to prove your lies,
wait, no, i'm the lie.

my mind keeps on changing
i've some trouble breathing
it's not a beautiful feeling,
when you're guilt keeps on knocking.

what do i do with you?
what do i do with me?
i have never intended to hurt somebody.

i am a gun, i don't run out of ammo.
you're a good target, i just can't let you go.
what i'm about to do, i'm afraid it would hurt you.
so before i shoot, just hide.

don't take a breath.
don't fight.

please know i'm thinking of your heart,
but i gotta think of mine too.
Mr Quiet Sep 2018
Waking up,
To just feel all the regrets in my head,
I didn't know where it lead,
Now I'm waiting for the world to end.

Seeing you,
And all the things we used to do.
And remembering what I did to you.
I caused this and now I'm seeing you,
With somebody new.

It's all my fault,
I hurt you and I broke your trust,
We shared our souls and I ripped it apart,
We promised we'd make it and now here we are.
Here we are.

I'm dancing in the darkness to distract my pain and sadness,
And you're probably in your room,
Crying and hoping it'll all end soon.
Oh how I was so stupid and I could've done something,
To prevent all of this from happening,
Now I'm just lying down in silence.
Wishing to travel back in time and make everything alright,
And I know it's just a fantasy but I'd rather dream than waking up and feeling this guilt inside.
This guilt inside.
I broke your heart and now you're feeling "fine".
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I don't want you to cry.
i never thought thought i'd break her heart and now i hate myself more than anybody else.
AnxiousOcean Apr 2017
I am innocent.

I swear I'm not responsible
for any damage she's had.
I swear I'm not the reason
of her tears at night.
And I swear it's none of my intentions
to hurt and give her fright.

I am guilty.

I'm guilty for being weak.
I'm guilty for being a kid.
Guilty for committing a mistake.
I am guilty for the actions I make.

Misdemeanor; a ******.
I slaughtered the feelings
we had for each other.

Love is a crime
yet, I am afraid
of committing it again.
Ayush Gangwar Aug 2018
When I met you first , N i saw your cherishing smile … My heart Whispered to me that ,,

You are mine …

Every morning when the sun shines , it remind me
Your presence because,,

You are mine…

The good time we share , the promises we made , the stories we created , even a book is not enough for you to describe, bcz

You are mine…

The day I need you most , n you come , hold my hand and made me realise that,
whatever the situation will come but ,

You are mine…

I want you for my whole life , you are the one who know me more than anyone in this sphere,
It’s a relationship that i promise to you i never betray , want to hear the same with your so pure n melodious voice,.
Just get me a promise that,,,

You are forever mine…
J Jul 2
As the honey drips from his lips
not a sound
only guilt
as he felt
his emotions
slip away.....
Kara Jean May 2016
Kissing me
Vicious was my scheme
I made a story of tainted glory
Anticipating his biding sincerity
Craving the touch of my hips
Misplacing perseverance
Delaying conscience
Losing rationality
Watching his admiration
Over compensating captivation
Realizing his conspiracy
Ayush Gangwar Aug 2018
When you travel in the car and the journey is too far...
Fill the cabinet with all the required stuffs,
It will be more exciting when you travel with a group.
Raise the woofers up ,
And eat the tasty stuffs.
Just Play the jolly tune,
It'll make your lazy mood.
When you see something unique,
Stop a while and take a click.
Still the destination is too far,
You're feeling tired and so is your car…

It’s time for a short break,
stretch your body and take a breathe,

When your body gets re-energised,
It’s tym to resume your lovely drive,
Destination is not always necessary to take,
Sometimes the road trip is what we want to make…
Because most of the time you'll spend ib travelling so just make each and ever drive beautiful and memorable. Because YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The Oran rain patters against my home,
The wind breaks upon the house
and I lie in bed
feeling comfortably alone.

I need to sort my life, move on from this town,
Need to stop being on my own, want to give myself
away, want someone to take me
far away. I'd willingly lose myself
to another, a city or a person; the other,
Me. Is this narcissism? Can I just be happy,
Or must I change so radically
in order to escape?

The real work must begin,
This aimlessness must end before it becomes
ceaseless in its expansion. All I have are words
and melodies, moments in experience that will be lost to all
time. I might as well craft an album, and nod to all I've felt
and've left to feel. Music keeps me alive, 's the only thing
sometimes.
How shall I tell my story,
Why shouldn't I be true to my potential?
What's stopping me?
I have made mistakes,
Many mistakes,
Those I could have avoided
And celebrated the dawn of today
That did not rise very bright.

Now, I want to undo that dawn,
I want my yesterdays to return
For me to make amends
And not risk my today and tomorrows;
My burden of guilt is too heavy.
Ivan Lopez May 2018
I Tell you this
Answer me.
Make me a mortal man
For ignorance is bliss

Take my wisdom
Take my glory
Take my pain, and take my stories
Make me like mortal man
For ignorance is bliss

I am cursed
Cursed with past
Cursed with knowledge
Cursed with reason
Cursed with kindness
Make me like mortal man
For Ignorance is Bliss

Answer Me, oh God
Make me forget.
Forget my pain
Forget my loves
Forget my woes
Forget my past
Forget my loss
Forget my scars
Forget my shame
For ignorance is bliss
Keerti Jan 2018
Although I didn’t jump in the end
I hope you saw where your actions led
I did not turn out like the boy in that story
Because I believed that life had more glory
That is not to say I did not think about it
If not for my fear of heights, I would have done it
Most nights I slept with guilt, but you don’t know it
If I commit a crime, I perfect it
You can keep blaming me like a broken record for it
But think back on what you did and tell me I was wrong for it
Expectation can ****, and I hope you finally understand it
That maybe I wanted a life, without books in my hand
And maybe I didn’t want you disappointed in me
So maybe I’m a piece of trash for saying all this
But this my outlook on life
Don’t **** over this
Sylph Oct 2018
You lied one to many times
Dont you feel the Guilt?
Every lie is like one more cut
Every lie is like one more pound to your shoulders that you cant just shrug off
The trust you once saw has burned
Its now ashes floating in to nothing but darkness.
Dont you see that look
That look in their eyes?
The disappointment
the saddness
the breaking
Mollie Nov 2018
burdened by the intense understanding of their anatomy,
their mortality
the human condition was to often forget how to live, for they always knew they would die.
from the tissues of the brain,
cerebellum,
to the arteries within their hearts,
opening
closing.
like psychics hovering over crystal *****,
humans saw themselves decay
and their world decay
with the pollution and destruction
they saw the effects of their reality forced upon those not aware enough to have a choice
how could they know that the creation of time would allow them to track every second
of grief,
every moment of pain.
time became an instrument of torture.
the days and the nights,
alone. the clock ticks,
tocks, two seconds.
two more seconds alone.
the compilation of pixels on a screen which
promotes entertainment
opened them up to the realities of the world
and children screamed
and choked
tear gas burned their eyes.
desensitised to violence,
they lied to them, their children...

why?
Not perfect, but this was my stream of consciousness upon hearing the news the other morning.
Francie Lynch Sep 2018
The things I'd do to be with you
Would put me away for good;
So, here I wait in solitude,
No sun, no moon, no light.

I've dug deep to break out,
I've climbed walls in my sleep;
I've dealt and knelt,
Held my hands out
To supplicate for pardon.

But I'm a repeat offender,
A schmuck and poor pretender;
A pled lifer for loving you.
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