The Dispatch: "Are you still proud to be a ******* American?"
(Referring to the recent killing of Christina Grimmie and fifty other innocents.)

Me: "What???
First of all, I never said I was "proud" to be American.
Second, I don't think of myself as an American, I just see me as MYSELF.
Third, I was correcting you for being biased about ALL Americans, based on some awful Americans.
Lastly, just because I am between the Canadian and Mexican borders does not give you or anyone else the right to view me as/imply that I am similar to a sorry excuse for a human being who MURDERED someone.
You do not know anything about me, you do not know what kind of person I am. You do not know my neighbor across the street, you did not know the man that shot and killed Christina Grimmie. You do not know the next name of the person who will commit homicide in YOUR country.
Killing is, I believe, the worst crime that anyone can commit...but it happens everywhere. It doesn't matter what the statistics are, a life is a life.
Christina Grimmie was born just like you were; was a human just as you are. She was these things just as an unknown person is, somewhere else in the world who might regrettably lose their life to the hand of another.
It's true that you don't know me, so you don't know if I am or ever will be like the handful of murderers that I unfortunately share a country with. But you should not label me as such a dreadful, DREADFUL thing.
Don't be prejudice against anyone, no matter where they come from. I sincerely hope that no other people are hurt by your nasty words--especially in times of tragedy."

https://soundcloud.com/sbdragonslayer/doubt-for-christina-grimmie

Please take a moment to hear my little cover for her.

Whether you knew her personally or just heard of her, whether you were a fan or just thought she was a sweet girl....

Give it a listen, take a few moments to also realise that...

Life is **** short, and often unfair.

One year ago today, Christina Grimmie was taken from us. I remember sitting in my best friend's room watching her videos and saying "How does she even hit those notes!?!?" And since then, I've been there with Christina every step of the way. From her first Twitter account, to Find Me, to winning the iHeartRadio contest. Even her Hannah Montana days. (Lol). When I discovered Christina, I was immediately inspired to become more like her music wise. I started singing more. I started playing piano more. I learned a whole bucketful of new instruments because she inspired me to. And then one day, she answered a snapchat and just kind of started replying to me. We weren't at all super close, but close enough. Not only was she an inspiration, she was kind enough to be a friend. This year has been a weird year for Team Grimmie. It's been very confusing. But I couldn't be more proud of Christina than I am right now. She's come so far, even after she passed. I'm so proud of you, girl.

Love, me.

This isn't a poem. This is more like a letter about a girl I knew.
Her name is Christina Grimmie. When she first started out on YouTube, I found her and I loved her. I commented on her video; something about the Zelda poster in the background. We bonded over that. And we talked for a little while, but then we lost touch. For a long time.
In 2014, she was on the voice. I was so proud of her. I sent her a Snapchat congratulating her and telling her how proud I was of her. And after that, we continued to talk. She was there for me when she could be. Sometimes she couldn't answer because she was on tour, or because she was recording, or simply because she was tired. We weren't best friends, but we were close enough to be considered friends. She lost touch with me again. The last thing we said to each other breaks my heart.
I don't know what to do. I'm so mad at everybody. Got any advice?
John 13:34- "A new command I give to you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." Yu have to love people in order to be happy. If u sit here and resent them, yu wont be happy at all girl! Love yuuu.
She was shot and killed about a month or so later. And I was heart broken. I was so mad at the world. I deleted her from my phone because it was too painful. I regret that decision. I had lost someone so dear to me. I think about her every day. But one day I saw her brother, Marcus, pop up in my friend suggestion box on Facebook. I added him and he added me back. Now we talk all the time and its like I'm talking to her. It's like if you look behind Mark's eyes, there she is smiling back at you.
I don't talk about her much. It feels awkward. But I miss her a lot.

Mama it's time for the fair
Mama why can't we go
Someone opened fire on innocents
And about it they weren't slow

Mama it's time for the concert
Mama why are you so afraid
There's risk just listening to music
Grimmie was shot on her own stage

Mama why's that good cop dead
He can't come back to his daughter
Now I'll never know my cousin
And that's another who's lost a father

Mama what's with the wealthy
They seem to have all the life hacks
They are people out there starving
And the rich barely pay tax

Mama look that man's gay
Hey that other one is black
People don't hesitate with violence
But it is love that they hold back

Mama I wanna learn history
I wanna know what people did before
Mama why is there so much blood
Why did people start so many wars

Mama will things ever change
Is there anything peaceful in store
There's a lot that is still the same
If anything people fight more

Mama why do these things happen
Mama why do so many people die
Mama why are people so cruel
It's enough to make me cry

Mama will we be ok
Are there enough of us to stand tall
People now fight fire with fire
And I fear it'll destroy us all

Mama why are people mad at God
They blame Him for human's sting
They ask why His own creations act this way
He probably wonders the same thing

Mama why can't we show compassion
Mama why are we in this state
Mama why can't we love
Mama why do we hate

I miss you. I'm thinking about you a lot today. I guess I always think about you around holidays and festivities. I wish you were here. It's been a year and one month, and life still doesn't make sense without you. All Is Vanity was your last album as far as I know, and it makes me so sad to think that you'll never come out with anything again. I wish I could pluck you from heaven just so I could hear you sing again. I've been practicing on making my vocal range as good as yours. You had a voice like honey, but also a voice that could move mountains. Do you remember thinking how your email was broken because you'd refresh it, but there were a hundred more emails to look at? And it was actually just because people kept viewing and commenting on your video? I thought that was the funniest thing. You were so freaked out, and it's funny because you never actually get scared of anything. Except spiders. You hated spiders.... I really miss you, Christina. I hope you're watching Team Grimmie. I hope you're looking out for Marcus and making sure he knows that it wasn't his fault. He beats himself up for not being able to save your life. Please make sure he knows you're okay. I love you, Christina.

“I miss her! I miss her!”

I fall to the ground..as well does heavy tears

“The Hummingbird IS Gone!”

“I miss it’s visit and song”

where does one fill these empty halls

where this girl made her voice boom for so long?!

Even though it was not yesterday that the evil ones took her from the world

I became the Joker… My anarchy and laughs

Were forces ,now, to unfurl .

He reminds himself to spread her legacy through your own artistic hand

True love filled a once empty heart.

As well as music’s wedding band.

I must do my best to spread my words, her messages, from her songs

In my pages of Photos,Sketches, and Poetic Verse

As her spirit smiles, next to me, arms around my neck…

She hears my soul and heart perform in every moment

of my artistic strength that my pen or music starts to rehearse.




Dedicated to two fallen angels. Selena Quintanilla-Perez and My Sweet Christina Grimmie

Christina was an angel.
A miracle which was extinguished way before it's time.
I expressed to her, my last message, sadly.
"You lit my fire to fuel my soul. you cared for my music and heart
I Love you and shall be your rock.. your wall of deep and respectful support."
I heard the ending of her miraculous invention , brought to life, "Which was her soul and music."
I felt my once huge and loving heart, break into a thousand pieces. It is still hurting, quite badly.
I felt a needle of emotional medicine from Christina's fall, it had stabbed me in the chest, and it has numbed my feelings that were awe inspired by her.
Just as I had admitted to her that I was falling in love with her beautiful heart, friendship, and sweet music.
The evil reaper
took this "part of me" that she had been in addition to, away.
My heart was, then too burried with her still beating heart.
My clock stopped. I felt the best, of me, sink with her last breaths, in quicksands of the oppressors.
such sank my creative spirit to depressive and unfeeling depths, in thes sands of lost time, quite still deeper.
i have cried inside rains of shock.
i felt the winds cease and the sonic boom of defeat's  sounds
of the winds of ill fated  changes
stop my creative and artistic heart
from beating.
My care and inspiration from Christina Grimmie, the kindness that drew me from my own near self suicidal demise..
her kind and uplifting hand that lifted my spirits from dark depths...
Such love to me, a newly met stranger, saved my own artistic soul.
It was a destructive and hateful nuclear bomb of destructive mass
that now has no measurable size.
I shall honor the beautiful and gentle soul, which still talks and sends love to me, at my darkest of times....
Such saved myself from defeating her truer propose
of higher and kinder purposes...
and her angel wings swooped down from above.
She saved me from my own ruin as I honored her true name.
"The sweet Bird of A winged Pure Heart"
That flies and watches over all she truly loved and cherished
In eternal life after the physical realm , which we assume is our ends of our existence in life, she showed her oppressors that her demise was her extended beginning.
She shall be within my heart..
Worth more than gold and fame.
As her spirit shall forever love and guide me
to a more beautiful song and dance in my life
She still is my roaring and burning loving flame.

Christina was an angel.
A miracle which was extinguished way before it's time.
I expressed to her, my last message, sadly.
"You lit my fire to fuel my soul. you cared for my music and heart
I Love you and shall be your rock.. your wall of deep and respectful support."
I heard the ending of her miraculous invention , brought to life, "Which was her soul and music."
I felt my once huge and loving heart, break into a thousand pieces. It is still hurting, quite badly.
I felt a needle of emotional medicine from Christina's fall, it had stabbed me in the chest, and it has numbed my feelings that were awe inspired by her.
Just as I had admitted to her that I was falling in love with her beautiful heart, friendship, and sweet music.
The evil reaper
took this "part of me" that she had been in addition to, away.
My heart was, then too burried with her still beating heart.
My clock stopped. I felt the best, of me, sink with her last breaths, in quicksands of the oppressors.
such sank my creative spirit to depressive and unfeeling depths, in thes sands of lost time, quite still deeper.
i have cried inside rains of shock.
i felt the winds cease and the sonic boom of defeat's  sounds
of the winds of ill fated  changes
stop my creative and artistic heart
from beating.
My care and inspiration from Christina Grimmie, the kindness that drew me from my own near self suicidal demise..
her kind and uplifting hand that lifted my spirits from dark depths...
Such love to me, a newly met stranger, saved my own artistic soul.
It was a destructive and hateful nuclear bomb of destructive mass
that now has no measurable size.
I shall honor the beautiful and gentle soul, which still talks and sends love to me, at my darkest of times....
Such saved myself from defeating her truer propose
of higher and kinder purposes...
and her angel wings swooped down from above.
She saved me from my own ruin as I honored her true name.
"The sweet Bird of A winged Pure Heart"
That flies and watches over all she truly loved and cherished
In eternal life after the physical realm , which we assume is our ends of our existence in life, she showed her oppressors that her demise was her extended beginning.
She shall be within my heart..
Worth more than gold and fame.
As her spirit shall forever love and guide me
to a more beautiful song and dance in my life
She still is my roaring and burning loving flame.

Four years ago, I felt like the world was ending.
My friend Christina Grimmie was murdered on June 10th.
On June 12th, 50 people were killed in a night club.
Four years ago 51 people lost their lives to gun violence.
Every year since then, around this time I'm eaten by a certain sadness.
It's hard to describe.
It's like I can't breathe, or I'm taking in oxygen and it's never enough.
It's like theres holes in my lungs and the air is escaping.
Never quite full, never quite the same.
I miss her.
I feel the Pulse family's pain.
Most of all, though, I feel sick.
Like every time I think about what happened I want to *****.
I miss her.
Four years ago and I miss her more and more.