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"grief" poems
*The poverty of yesterday was less squalid than the poverty we purchase with our industry today. Fortunes were smaller then as well.* (The Elderly Lady) After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning And company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts And presents aren’t promises, And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes open With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads on today Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn… That even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… That you really are strong And you really do have worth… And you learn and learn… With every good-bye you learn. {…} *As I think of the many myths, there is one that is very harmful, and that is the myth of countries. I mean, why should I think of myself as being an Argentine, and not a Chilean, and not an Uruguayan. I don't know really. All of those myths that we impose on ourselves — and they make for hatred, for war, for enmity — are very harmful. Well, I suppose in the long run, governments and countries will die out and we'll be just, well, cosmopolitans.*    --J. L. Borges
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Apr 17, 2014
Apr 17, 2014 at 10:17 AM UTC
You Learn (by Jorge Luis Borges)
*The poverty of yesterday was less squalid than the poverty we purchase with our industry today. Fortunes were smaller then as well.* (The Elderly Lady) After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning And company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts And presents aren’t promises, And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes open With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads on today Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn… That even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… That you really are strong And you really do have worth… And you learn and learn… With every good-bye you learn. {…} *As I think of the many myths, there is one that is very harmful, and that is the myth of countries. I mean, why should I think of myself as being an Argentine, and not a Chilean, and not an Uruguayan. I don't know really. All of those myths that we impose on ourselves — and they make for hatred, for war, for enmity — are very harmful. Well, I suppose in the long run, governments and countries will die out and we'll be just, well, cosmopolitans.*    --J. L. Borges
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29
As beautiful as the famed city of Atlantis Gloriously flourishing in her perfection There is a place where my soul and heart is A perfect place without grief or deception Where my heart is always merry And peace blossoms like the cherry The sun smiles at me gently caressing My body as the birds sing melodies- So beautiful they keep me guessing- The beauty of future melodic memories Like the Cedars of Lebanon Beautifying the palaces of Ethiopia Purity, love and perfection adorn her every season. This place is within me; this place is Utopia
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Apr 14, 2015
Apr 14, 2015 at 10:46 AM UTC
UTOPIA
There's a peculiar kind of beauty that can only be experienced with the innate knowledge that the moment is fleeting and the most intense beauty can only be seen in the presence of both light and shadows. For it’s often in the loss of a thing that its worth to us becomes most precious and by letting it go with grace we can best savor its purest delights. Realizing that the pain runs so deep only because the beauty ran so deep and that without it having once touched us we wouldn't now know the emptiness of its loss, our grief will eventually turn to thankfulness that it ever touched us at all, and we will be left awed by the mystery of its haunting.
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Nov 16, 2015
Nov 16, 2015 at 8:11 AM UTC
Letting Go with Grace
you may not believe it but there are people who go through life with very little friction or distress. they dress well, eat well, sleep well. they are contented with their family life. they have moments of grief but all in all they are undisturbed and often feel very good. and when they die it is an easy death, usually in their sleep. you may not believe it but such people do exist. but I am not one of them. oh no, I am not one of them, I am not even near to being one of them but they are there and I am here.
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45.4k
The Aliens
My love, if you die and I don't--, let's not give grief an even greater field. No expanse is greater than where we live. Dust in the wheat, sand in the deserts, time, wandering water, the vague wind swept us like sailing seeds. We might not have found one another in time. This meadow where we find ourselves, O little infinity! we give it back. But Love, this love has not ended: just as it never had a birth, it has no death: it is like a long river, only changing lands, and changing lips.
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44.9k
My love, if I die and you don't--,
Touch it: it won't shrink like an eyeball, This egg-shaped bailiwick, clear as a tear. Here's yesterday, last year --- Palm-spear and lily distinct as flora in the vast Windless threadwork of a tapestry. Flick the glass with your fingernail: It will ping like a Chinese chime in the slightest air stir Though nobody in there looks up or bothers to answer. The inhabitants are light as cork, Every one of them permanently busy. At their feet, the sea waves bow in single file. Never trespassing in bad temper: Stalling in midair, Short-reined, pawing like paradeground horses. Overhead, the clouds sit tasseled and fancy As Victorian cushions. This family Of valentine faces might please a collector: They ring true, like good china. Elsewhere the landscape is more frank. The light falls without letup, blindingly. A woman is dragging her shadow in a circle About a bald hospital saucer. It resembles the moon, or a sheet of blank paper And appears to have suffered a sort of private blitzkrieg. She lives quietly With no attachments, like a foetus in a bottle, The obsolete house, the sea, flattened to a picture She has one too many dimensions to enter. Grief and anger, exorcised, Leave her alone now. The future is a grey seagull Tattling in its cat-voice of departure. Age and terror, like nurses, attend her, And a drowned man, complaining of the great cold, Crawls up out of the sea.
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41.9k
A Life
Great tragedy suffered, Impossible circumstances conquered, The warrior walks upon the field flanked path. The wanderer's armor tells a tale, Battle scarred and partially rent asunder, A face of stoicism that hides the haggardness underneath, Peeking out beneath the mask of a hardened soldier. The clouds clap ahead, preceded by flashes of light brightly illuminating the world, Accompanied shortly after by the rainfall. A trickle becomes a downpour, The battered individual trudging along as the road becomes a bog of mud and slop, The message firmly planted within their mind. Coming upon the dark outline of the castle ahead the warrior picks up pace, Reflecting upon what would happen to those that the Warrior helped. The pace is now fueled by a different kind of urgency. The rain is cold upon the face's of those that it falls on, The torn edges of metal digging in at places, Some already wounded and tender, As the final hilltop between them is crested. The gates are closed, And this loyal soldier is for the moment shut out, A fist is raised, The declaration of allegiance given, An angry detailing of the warriors achievements and adventures shouted, And a challenge of one's path, Building in anger and fury as the dam finally breaks and gushes forth, Threatening to shatter the gate and doors to splinters and twisted metal. A long ago promised gift to be rewarded, For all the things endured, Things that could be considered so cruel, The storm picks up in force until it's akin to that of a hurricane, As if brought forth by the warrior's grief and pain finally being released, For the first and only time. These things ringing out despite the storms roaring wind, Gathering force, Perhaps in affirmation of the warrior's words. After a pause the gate begins to lift, It's metal screeching, The doors groaning as they begin to swing outward, and the battered soldier is bathed in light, Taking the weight from the warrior's shoulders, As the threshold is finally crossed.
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May 12, 2018
May 12, 2018 at 9:22 PM UTC
Threshold
Great tragedy suffered, Impossible circumstances conquered, The warrior walks upon the field flanked path. The wanderer's armor tells a tale, Battle scarred and partially rent asunder, A face of stoicism that hides the haggardness underneath, Peeking out beneath the mask of a hardened soldier. The clouds clap ahead, preceded by flashes of light brightly illuminating the world, Accompanied shortly after by the rainfall. A trickle becomes a downpour, The battered individual trudging along as the road becomes a bog of mud and slop, The message firmly planted within their mind. Coming upon the dark outline of the castle ahead the warrior picks up pace, Reflecting upon what would happen to those that the Warrior helped. The pace is now fueled by a different kind of urgency. The rain is cold upon the face's of those that it falls on, The torn edges of metal digging in at places, Some already wounded and tender, As the final hilltop between them is crested. The gates are closed, And this loyal soldier is for the moment shut out, A fist is raised, The declaration of allegiance given, An angry detailing of the warriors achievements and adventures shouted, And a challenge of one's path, Building in anger and fury as the dam finally breaks and gushes forth, Threatening to shatter the gate and doors to splinters and twisted metal. A long ago promised gift to be rewarded, For all the things endured, Things that could be considered so cruel, The storm picks up in force until it's akin to that of a hurricane, As if brought forth by the warrior's grief and pain finally being released, For the first and only time. These things ringing out despite the storms roaring wind, Gathering force, Perhaps in affirmation of the warrior's words. After a pause the gate begins to lift, It's metal screeching, The doors groaning as they begin to swing outward, and the battered soldier is bathed in light, Taking the weight from the warrior's shoulders, As the threshold is finally crossed.
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41
Into the wonderment of your autumnal mind. Where the skin of your grief sheds its leaves. Is the song of your sea bound into colourful light? The Shepherd breaches the flock of your dreams, And the pastures breathe a sigh of relief, As your tears of morning dew Glisten the parched landscape. Does your bouquet of ***** Lay wistfully in the wilderness? The skies of blue that reside in your eyes Serenades the coming of the tide, Harvesting the fruit of our labour of love. Is this a wind of smile that turns into a voyage of valiancy? A flock of thoughts liberated with a cry of exclamation As your fears of autumn blue Are exiled into the rapacious wind.
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Dec 17, 2016
Dec 17, 2016 at 5:40 PM UTC
Wistful in the Wilderness
Come with me, I said, and no one knew where, or how my pain throbbed, no carnations or barcaroles for me, only a wound that love had opened. I said it again: Come with me, as if I were dying, and no one saw the moon that bled in my mouth or the blood that rose into the silence. O Love, now we can forget the star that has such thorns! That is why when I heard your voice repeat Come with me, it was as if you had let loose the grief, the love, the fury of a cork-trapped wine the geysers flooding from deep in its vault: in my mouth I felt the taste of fire again, of blood and carnations, of rock and scald.
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26.1k
Come With Me, I Said, And No One Knew (VII)
Kudos to Kaepernick. I just cannot drown all my beliefs and ideas, even if it contradicts my flesh and soul. When I heard that not standing up to the tune; that has always succeeded on sweeping all of the messes underneath the sad reality, to be deemed as subversive, I know that Rosa would definitely clench onto the seat tighter than ever. Kneel, my friend, kneel. To drag our body out there, all over the precious hills and fields, while acting as if the scale has always been set fairly beneath you all this time, will hurt you more than myself. How can a mere matter of things decide our future, our destiny? We shall shape our fate, you shall shape your own fate, and to be judged on the perception biasedly built in the name of order for thousands of years, is a situation that should not be endured by anyone or anything in a tiny dot within this vast universe. Kneel, my friend, kneel. And for that, I cannot stand proudly and profess my love to you as of now, even though I will always wear my heart on my sleeve for you to see. To be cheated, to be manipulated, to be deemed as surplus, by those at the tip of the plateau, that cunningly asked us to forget all the tangles and wrangles for the love of this sacred land, while unashamedly distribute everything off the land, off the ocean amongst them, is the last thing that we should allow to happen. I am one of those people that are not able to put on the mask on top of our meant-to-be honest faces, to say hail to the thief is worse than the eternal grief. I have never dreamed of burying the hatchet with them, not even for a second and if I ever do it, I shall be condemned and dismissed for forgetting the roots, the fons et origo of mine. To love you does not mean to stand still to the soulless melodies, to love you does not mean to bow down to the meaningless piece of cloth that has overseen countless infiltration and bombing over the years. Kneel, my friend, kneel. To love you is to fight for the rights of many, by any means, even by not standing up. When black is no longer the symbol of miserable, filth and calamity, we shall then breath with ease, stand on our feet and fully embrace the real meaning behind all those majestic words. Kudos to Kaepernick.
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Oct 23, 2017
Oct 23, 2017 at 10:09 PM UTC
Kudos to Kaepernick
Kudos to Kaepernick. I just cannot drown all my beliefs and ideas, even if it contradicts my flesh and soul. When I heard that not standing up to the tune; that has always succeeded on sweeping all of the messes underneath the sad reality, to be deemed as subversive, I know that Rosa would definitely clench onto the seat tighter than ever. Kneel, my friend, kneel. To drag our body out there, all over the precious hills and fields, while acting as if the scale has always been set fairly beneath you all this time, will hurt you more than myself. How can a mere matter of things decide our future, our destiny? We shall shape our fate, you shall shape your own fate, and to be judged on the perception biasedly built in the name of order for thousands of years, is a situation that should not be endured by anyone or anything in a tiny dot within this vast universe. Kneel, my friend, kneel. And for that, I cannot stand proudly and profess my love to you as of now, even though I will always wear my heart on my sleeve for you to see. To be cheated, to be manipulated, to be deemed as surplus, by those at the tip of the plateau, that cunningly asked us to forget all the tangles and wrangles for the love of this sacred land, while unashamedly distribute everything off the land, off the ocean amongst them, is the last thing that we should allow to happen. I am one of those people that are not able to put on the mask on top of our meant-to-be honest faces, to say hail to the thief is worse than the eternal grief. I have never dreamed of burying the hatchet with them, not even for a second and if I ever do it, I shall be condemned and dismissed for forgetting the roots, the fons et origo of mine. To love you does not mean to stand still to the soulless melodies, to love you does not mean to bow down to the meaningless piece of cloth that has overseen countless infiltration and bombing over the years. Kneel, my friend, kneel. To love you is to fight for the rights of many, by any means, even by not standing up. When black is no longer the symbol of miserable, filth and calamity, we shall then breath with ease, stand on our feet and fully embrace the real meaning behind all those majestic words. Kudos to Kaepernick.
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9
{i remember} She comes to presence in a great wave of grief that has no bottom. {water cannot swim} Feeling the unbearable weight of womanhood tearing me open, revealing my own sorrows. {a channel of life} To be a gate of love and blood, the flesh of desire, bearer of all burdens, was so traumatic I was reborn in the body of a man.
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Sep 21, 2015
Sep 21, 2015 at 1:05 PM UTC
Womanhood
I saw a carving from Bethlehem that you had given my Nan, She showed me a photograph of you, you were tall, with a golden tan. The carving it was inscribed, 'with love from your brother Tom', I knew my Nan had looked up to you, when all was said and done. My Nan she was a little girl, when you were called away, With her mother she waited eagerly for news, day, by day, by day. In her eyes you were a hero who had gone off to the war, Your smiling face, and uniform, were the last things that she saw. She dreamt of the day that you would come back, striding through the gate, she heard her mother pacing, though she didn't know your fate. She heard her mother weeping but didn't want to know the reason why, In her stomach she had a feeling that something was awry. Then her mother sat her down and told her you were dead, She told me she went dizzy, blood rushing to her head. She told me she cried out your name, her heart it was pure broken, The army sent a telegram, but it was really just a token. You were just a boy of eighteen years when you were forced away, I wonder how many mothers would cope if  their  sons left today. They couldn't give you a grave, there was nothing left to bury, You were blown to pieces in one hit, with bombs dropped in a flurry. You only lasted for three months in your short, tough, army life, My Nan died aged eighty-four, after a life of grief and strife, She pined for you throughout those years and missed you everyday, Her hero, her brother Tom, who left and went away. She worried that when you fought, you longed for her and home And worried that you were consumed with fear, and if that fear had grown. She wondered if you had called out "Mum" and if your blood was swept by the tide, how desperately she had wished, that she had been there, by your side. The reason I know of you today, is that girl who became my Nan, Who kept your memory alive as she always did back then, I tell my sons about you Tom,  I hope it's the right thing to do, And I hope that  they will love me as much, as my Nan had loved you.
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Apr 15, 2014
Apr 15, 2014 at 2:11 PM UTC
Tribute to a soldier
I saw a carving from Bethlehem that you had given my Nan, She showed me a photograph of you, you were tall, with a golden tan. The carving it was inscribed, 'with love from your brother Tom', I knew my Nan had looked up to you, when all was said and done. My Nan she was a little girl, when you were called away, With her mother she waited eagerly for news, day, by day, by day. In her eyes you were a hero who had gone off to the war, Your smiling face, and uniform, were the last things that she saw. She dreamt of the day that you would come back, striding through the gate, she heard her mother pacing, though she didn't know your fate. She heard her mother weeping but didn't want to know the reason why, In her stomach she had a feeling that something was awry. Then her mother sat her down and told her you were dead, She told me she went dizzy, blood rushing to her head. She told me she cried out your name, her heart it was pure broken, The army sent a telegram, but it was really just a token. You were just a boy of eighteen years when you were forced away, I wonder how many mothers would cope if  their  sons left today. They couldn't give you a grave, there was nothing left to bury, You were blown to pieces in one hit, with bombs dropped in a flurry. You only lasted for three months in your short, tough, army life, My Nan died aged eighty-four, after a life of grief and strife, She pined for you throughout those years and missed you everyday, Her hero, her brother Tom, who left and went away. She worried that when you fought, you longed for her and home And worried that you were consumed with fear, and if that fear had grown. She wondered if you had called out "Mum" and if your blood was swept by the tide, how desperately she had wished, that she had been there, by your side. The reason I know of you today, is that girl who became my Nan, Who kept your memory alive as she always did back then, I tell my sons about you Tom,  I hope it's the right thing to do, And I hope that  they will love me as much, as my Nan had loved you.
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32
. In a costume of conflicting emotion, of crossing diamondic colour, with regal posture in grief, the Harlequin and the King, a display of opposites creating a composite being, that eases her body gently into the waiting water, to float away serene, on her journey to the nether. Midnight blue and emerald green, the regalia of ermine, both ostentatious and humble, robeing the aspects, understated in crowning splendour, the gentleman King bows, and the Harlequin laughs, the bi-polar reaction to the tragedy of misfortune, with a sting in the myth-tale. With the dark hues of mourning, a legend passes on her way, across the streams of time, on a voyage to discover herself, carrying her Harlequin in a purse, holding her King to her breast, owning them both in her heart, the medicine wheel spins, knowing the grapes of wrath yield the wine of spite. The motley speckles of attire, a starry parody of night skies, lighting the decorated funeral barge, gliding along the rivers of space, worn with the mantle of sorrow, and it sails into the sunset, as the Harlequin and King observe, the mandala turns, the bier of the Queen departing, bears their sadness forth. The Harlequin laughs and laughs 'til he cries, his heart grows cold, then withers and dies, whilst the King, statuesque, memoirs his life, lamenting the legend of a Queen, his wife. © Pagan Paul (24/07/18)
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Jul 25, 2018
Jul 25, 2018 at 5:51 AM UTC
Mediaeval Myth Lamenting Legend
I have no wit, I have no words, no tears; My heart within me like a stone Is numbed too much for hopes or fears; Look right, look left, I dwell alone; A lift mine eyes, but dimmed with grief No everlasting hills I see; My life is like the falling leaf; O Jesus, quicken me.
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22.1k
A Better Resurrection
the nectar of love only comes with the poison of pain, two for the exorbitant price of one standing at the chasm of life and death destroyed by love grief remains as life’s sole friend the memories of love now belong to time and this aging body to the five elements. © 2019
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May 19, 2019
May 19, 2019 at 11:20 AM UTC
two for one
On Raglan Road on an autumn day I met her first and knew That her dark hair would weave a snare that I might one day rue; I saw the danger, yet I walked along the enchanted way, And I said, let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of the day. On Grafton Street in November we tripped lightly along the ledge Of the deep ravine where can be seen the worth of passion's pledge, The Queen of Hearts still making tarts and I not making hay - O I loved too much and by such and such is happiness thrown away. I gave her gifts of the mind I gave her the secret sign that's known To the artists who have known the true gods of sound and stone And word and tint. I did not stint for I gave her poems to say. With her own name there and her own dark hair like clouds over fields of May On a quiet street where old ghosts meet I see her walking now Away from me so hurriedly my reason must allow That I had wooed not as I should a creature made of clay - When the angel woos the clay he'd lose his wings at the dawn of day.
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22.2k
Raglan Road
Many would say That I'm a fool If I laid awake at night And only thought of you But what if these thoughts Were not of love And they were hate filled and murderous Precisely planned, with a fitting glove Would it be a waste To plan such a thing When it would take you away Along with my pain and grief So as I think of you now The feelings come even stronger I've seen the way it unfolds And for you, it won't be much longer
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Apr 27, 2012
Apr 27, 2012 at 10:40 PM UTC
Thoughts
The gentle tone of her teaching, In wonderous melodies, orchestral knowledge from a sweet teacher, Education set by the awareness of harmonizing, delicate instruments, Wisdom and foresight, cast by no other judgement but of a conductor, Whomst hand leads to the ups and downs of the intensity, recognised Ensembling in the beauty of a sinfonietta, sounds flows uninterrupted Let the singing pendulum to your mistress's pleasure fall to the bottom, attached to the chipped illusionists mask of anticipation! To this dance the mascarade does not crack in the shadow of sound, A wise scholar would not sacrifice one topic relevant to learn to the passing time, to her students unfortune that is, cast in pure grief, A wise conductor does the same with musical notes, the story flows, With the moon high in the sky, time stands in her way, questioning her to dance with the devil amongst a distorted, whicked dark, But resillient to the end, tough and with no distraction taking her focus the director of this event finishes the creation of art, an orchestra A craftwoman of tempo and elegance always stands out after all, bringing the musical score to life. ~ Umi
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Apr 4, 2018
Apr 4, 2018 at 6:28 PM UTC
Maestra
If I could lock this all up in a bottle Fill it with stones, I'd throw it into the water And watch it as it drowns All my sorrows, all the pain Along with the disasters and too many betrayals; From those that I loved most, Or so I thought, But it turned out they weren't themselves at all. It doesn't sting it just tears Everything completely apart. As for the last, I had already learned why not to trust But still you have to trust someone even though you know not, Because that's just the way that the world has to turn. You still believe a few, However you believed them all when they were false. But you have to put faith somewhere so you do, Yet you're still terrified these as well aren't true. If only it were a foolish boy Then life would live on and it wouldn't matter, Because anyway it's to be expected: That guys will break girls hearts. No, if only, but no Instead they're your best friends. Except they're not, Everyone's just fake now. There's no realists anymore. If I could wash away the deceitfulness they gave, Maybe someway a wound could heal. But it can't 'cause it's too deep And infected with grief of those you thought existed; Instead everyone is just misleading and manipulative. The worst thing because you could never see it coming, Until it crushes you to near death. Betrayal at its best. Fakers at their worse depth to the innocent. There is never an end Just torture.
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Nov 25, 2015
Nov 25, 2015 at 6:50 PM UTC
Unthinkable Betrayals, Unthinkable People
Pick yourself up and dust off your shoulders because you're a soldier and have no time to rest. You can't escape this life because you sold your soul for this and in the next year, you'll be buried right under your feet, six feet deep. Will it be your hell? Tied up alone surrounded by nothing but chains for years and years. Calling out to empty shadows and swallowing dust over these times. Will it be your heaven? In the summer of ninety-six with the night lite up with fireworks on the fourth. Chasing the sparks because you're a child again. Pick your feet up and march to the drums of your family. You promised to always protect your family and this is all you know to do. Giving up your life for your brother's is what you were trained to do. Your heart is weak but warm. But you will not be needing it for long. You find peace in the night but always keep a candle lit, to keep an eye on your brother because he is all there is. Things can't be rewritten or reversed. You've just got a confused mind and acted out of grief. But you're always able to rewind to the night a bullet took your brother. These lifeforms made a deal for you, that they knew you'd take. They could care less about your feelings. They could **** without warning, but you trust them with your brother's life on this one. So now you stand a man with a deal to die but it's all worth it because now your brother can live. Selling your life so he can have his back was the best birthday present you could give.
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Aug 13, 2013
Aug 13, 2013 at 10:59 PM UTC
Happy Birthday, Little Brother
Pick yourself up and dust off your shoulders because you're a soldier and have no time to rest. You can't escape this life because you sold your soul for this and in the next year, you'll be buried right under your feet, six feet deep. Will it be your hell? Tied up alone surrounded by nothing but chains for years and years. Calling out to empty shadows and swallowing dust over these times. Will it be your heaven? In the summer of ninety-six with the night lite up with fireworks on the fourth. Chasing the sparks because you're a child again. Pick your feet up and march to the drums of your family. You promised to always protect your family and this is all you know to do. Giving up your life for your brother's is what you were trained to do. Your heart is weak but warm. But you will not be needing it for long. You find peace in the night but always keep a candle lit, to keep an eye on your brother because he is all there is. Things can't be rewritten or reversed. You've just got a confused mind and acted out of grief. But you're always able to rewind to the night a bullet took your brother. These lifeforms made a deal for you, that they knew you'd take. They could care less about your feelings. They could **** without warning, but you trust them with your brother's life on this one. So now you stand a man with a deal to die but it's all worth it because now your brother can live. Selling your life so he can have his back was the best birthday present you could give.
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36
I dealt death today. I know it’s a part of the job. I know I’ve seen it too many times to count. But today, I felt it. I left the room long after their family did. There was no where I could go To escape their Roaring grief. They were long gone. And I was left with their precious baby. I curled his arms and legs up Closed his eyes Wrapped him up gently. With love and respect Here he’ll sleep forever. And oh, They are so thankful, That it was me That I understood That I was so careful That I spent the time with them. And you’re not supposed to take it with you. You’re supposed to leave it When they walk out the door With one less goodbye. But I took it with me today. The way they felt before The way they felt after The long quiet goodbyes The man in a suit on his knees weeping The mother and son making a cocoon Sheltering their dying baby. The solemn face of the woman who plays god. The green death. The last breath. The heaving of the living as he gave his last. The waiting. Slower rhythm. Quieter. ‘He’s gone now’. I watched the clock The same way I had An hour before Waiting for death. Soon as I could I fled out the door Ran into the street Tried to outrun it Instead I ran to you I dialled your number With shaking hands I know I’m not supposed to But all I wanted was you Your voice Ringing out Thankfully I wept alone. Today I dealt death And I found I am not strong enough To sustain this Alone Or for long. I found I still consider you my haven Deep down But that you are not my haven anymore Or should be. I listened to the silence After the call rang out And decided
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Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018 at 6:42 AM UTC
11.4.2018
I dealt death today. I know it’s a part of the job. I know I’ve seen it too many times to count. But today, I felt it. I left the room long after their family did. There was no where I could go To escape their Roaring grief. They were long gone. And I was left with their precious baby. I curled his arms and legs up Closed his eyes Wrapped him up gently. With love and respect Here he’ll sleep forever. And oh, They are so thankful, That it was me That I understood That I was so careful That I spent the time with them. And you’re not supposed to take it with you. You’re supposed to leave it When they walk out the door With one less goodbye. But I took it with me today. The way they felt before The way they felt after The long quiet goodbyes The man in a suit on his knees weeping The mother and son making a cocoon Sheltering their dying baby. The solemn face of the woman who plays god. The green death. The last breath. The heaving of the living as he gave his last. The waiting. Slower rhythm. Quieter. ‘He’s gone now’. I watched the clock The same way I had An hour before Waiting for death. Soon as I could I fled out the door Ran into the street Tried to outrun it Instead I ran to you I dialled your number With shaking hands I know I’m not supposed to But all I wanted was you Your voice Ringing out Thankfully I wept alone. Today I dealt death And I found I am not strong enough To sustain this Alone Or for long. I found I still consider you my haven Deep down But that you are not my haven anymore Or should be. I listened to the silence After the call rang out And decided
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In all my paralyzing confusion, only one thing is needed; in all my anxiety over my much less than ideal circumstances, only one thing is needed; in all my this-is-so-unfair discouragement, only one thing is needed; in my pressing-down-like-a-boulder-on-my-chest grief, only one thing is needed; in my feels-like-my-insides-are-being-scraped-out sorrow, only one thing is needed; in my falling-apart-at-every-seam life, only one thing is needed; in my can’t-seem-to-muster-the-will-to-get-out-of-bed depression, only one thing is needed; in my sure-I’m-finally-going-crazy state of mind, only one thing is needed; in my so-mad-I’ve-got-to-throw-and-break-something anger, only one thing is needed. In the scorning and tormenting face of rejection or betrayal or failure or devastating news or disfiguring disease or the worst fears of my heart coming to pass, only one thing is needed—to come and sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to what He is saying. To entrust myself to Him, to acknowledge His presence with me, to submit myself to His perfect authority over me, to just look at Him and recognize His all-surpassing worth, to feast on Him, to wait for Him to speak and know that He longs to do so more than I long to hear it, to meditate on His Word and speak it back to Him both in praise and request and to ask Him exactly what it means for me right now, to be ready to respond to Him in obedience and follow him wherever or however He leads, to be willing to tune out every competing voice no matter how well-intentioned and to say “No!” to whatever He has not called me to, to believe that He cares deeply and passionately for me both in His emotion toward me and in His personal tending of me, to see that the details of my life matter even more to Him than they do to me and that He holds every one of them in His hands and is perfectly directing them for intimacy and glory, to refuse to be drawn away or worried or upset by the many preparations and distractions all around me by casting every burden down before Him and taking up His all-sufficient grace for every need, and above all to want Him more than anything and to let everything else fit into that all-pervasive desire—this is the ONE THING that is needed both now and throughout every season of my life, and if I will choose it, it will not be taken from me. It is the one thing worth fighting to the death for and will, no doubt, require just such a dying again and again and again...
0
Jul 24, 2017
Jul 24, 2017 at 7:27 PM UTC
The One Thing
In all my paralyzing confusion, only one thing is needed; in all my anxiety over my much less than ideal circumstances, only one thing is needed; in all my this-is-so-unfair discouragement, only one thing is needed; in my pressing-down-like-a-boulder-on-my-chest grief, only one thing is needed; in my feels-like-my-insides-are-being-scraped-out sorrow, only one thing is needed; in my falling-apart-at-every-seam life, only one thing is needed; in my can’t-seem-to-muster-the-will-to-get-out-of-bed depression, only one thing is needed; in my sure-I’m-finally-going-crazy state of mind, only one thing is needed; in my so-mad-I’ve-got-to-throw-and-break-something anger, only one thing is needed. In the scorning and tormenting face of rejection or betrayal or failure or devastating news or disfiguring disease or the worst fears of my heart coming to pass, only one thing is needed—to come and sit at Jesus’ feet and listen to what He is saying. To entrust myself to Him, to acknowledge His presence with me, to submit myself to His perfect authority over me, to just look at Him and recognize His all-surpassing worth, to feast on Him, to wait for Him to speak and know that He longs to do so more than I long to hear it, to meditate on His Word and speak it back to Him both in praise and request and to ask Him exactly what it means for me right now, to be ready to respond to Him in obedience and follow him wherever or however He leads, to be willing to tune out every competing voice no matter how well-intentioned and to say “No!” to whatever He has not called me to, to believe that He cares deeply and passionately for me both in His emotion toward me and in His personal tending of me, to see that the details of my life matter even more to Him than they do to me and that He holds every one of them in His hands and is perfectly directing them for intimacy and glory, to refuse to be drawn away or worried or upset by the many preparations and distractions all around me by casting every burden down before Him and taking up His all-sufficient grace for every need, and above all to want Him more than anything and to let everything else fit into that all-pervasive desire—this is the ONE THING that is needed both now and throughout every season of my life, and if I will choose it, it will not be taken from me. It is the one thing worth fighting to the death for and will, no doubt, require just such a dying again and again and again...
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2
my tears aren’t forced they flow in that dark tunnel that she dreamed so long ago she wasn’t ready to take her first steps I wasn’t ready to take mine without her. Little things bring her back like empty bowls or the tower of books she’s never going to read. People have been calling this a trauma, but they’ve forgotten the loneliness of life’s journey. She dreamed a tunnel and added bright lights and dusted the floor with powdery snow she traveled far yet I can only see the trails of milk puddling around the lost key that she dropped under blankets of memory and phrases of I-promise and tomorrow. I’m growing up as she falls down. She wasn’t perfect but that’s why it was so easy to love her. My journey’s ongoing, and the deep undercurrents of pain and grief are pulling me through that tunnel. I’m rowing softly by, quietly, quietly, as she is laid to rest. her memories swallow the emptiness she is kneeling at the throne. I follow slowly and leave my tears for her to know that life’s path isn’t paved in water but with sorrow, with endings, and with lost boats on turbid seas.
0
Sep 29, 2015
Sep 29, 2015 at 7:56 AM UTC
Past Tense
the moon is a lesbian, which i know because she has kissed every inch of my body more often than any lover i've ever known. i have watched the way she kisses the ocean and guides her gently home, have seen her face reflected with love in the ever-changing sparkling surface of the sea, and i don't know any other word to describe a love like that. the day we smoked a joint in the woods and then walked eight miles in the rain to gas station coffee, we passed two other gas stations on the way, but you were holding my hand and i didn't want it to stop. you said "you're beautiful" and i said ~~~~ because you were the most remarkable person i had ever seen, leaned up against the hood of a stranger's car, smoking a cigarette like a lesbian james dean. you'd call yourself "lesbian" sixteen times before breakfast until it stopped sounding like venom and started to sound like a prayer, because how could i ever look at love like this and feel anything but holy? my new church was the woods by the river, and i learned to worship at the altar of your body. you took me in your arms and you said, "baby, you're beautiful," and i told you i loved you because beautiful had never meant anything to me except that i had something people could take. i heard "beautiful" from your lips and it sounded like a blessing. the moon is a lesbian because she knows how to love without taking, i have scarcely loved a man who has learned how to love without taking, that is not to say that no man can love without taking, but it is a skill that is learned through a grief that i have shared with every queer woman i have ever met. when you kissed me in the attic, it was not the first time i had been kissed, but it was the first time that a touch felt like a gift and not a punishment, and it was the first time i understood why people write love songs. i wanted to write you a love song, but after a lifetime afraid of my own voice, all i could sing you were hymns. not because i had made you an idol, but because your hands on my body made me feel clean for the first time. the moon is a lesbian because the night i stumbled out of the apartment of the man who only loved me when he thought he could keep me, blood on my lips and nowhere to go, the moon kissed my fingertips and she said, "baby, what took you so long? welcome home."
0
Mar 27, 2017
Mar 27, 2017 at 11:25 AM UTC
the moon is a lesbian
the moon is a lesbian, which i know because she has kissed every inch of my body more often than any lover i've ever known. i have watched the way she kisses the ocean and guides her gently home, have seen her face reflected with love in the ever-changing sparkling surface of the sea, and i don't know any other word to describe a love like that. the day we smoked a joint in the woods and then walked eight miles in the rain to gas station coffee, we passed two other gas stations on the way, but you were holding my hand and i didn't want it to stop. you said "you're beautiful" and i said ~~~~ because you were the most remarkable person i had ever seen, leaned up against the hood of a stranger's car, smoking a cigarette like a lesbian james dean. you'd call yourself "lesbian" sixteen times before breakfast until it stopped sounding like venom and started to sound like a prayer, because how could i ever look at love like this and feel anything but holy? my new church was the woods by the river, and i learned to worship at the altar of your body. you took me in your arms and you said, "baby, you're beautiful," and i told you i loved you because beautiful had never meant anything to me except that i had something people could take. i heard "beautiful" from your lips and it sounded like a blessing. the moon is a lesbian because she knows how to love without taking, i have scarcely loved a man who has learned how to love without taking, that is not to say that no man can love without taking, but it is a skill that is learned through a grief that i have shared with every queer woman i have ever met. when you kissed me in the attic, it was not the first time i had been kissed, but it was the first time that a touch felt like a gift and not a punishment, and it was the first time i understood why people write love songs. i wanted to write you a love song, but after a lifetime afraid of my own voice, all i could sing you were hymns. not because i had made you an idol, but because your hands on my body made me feel clean for the first time. the moon is a lesbian because the night i stumbled out of the apartment of the man who only loved me when he thought he could keep me, blood on my lips and nowhere to go, the moon kissed my fingertips and she said, "baby, what took you so long? welcome home."
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