I grabbed you but you still ran away from me.
Stepping in the middle of a hurricane fire waiting for the winter to blow
Somebody was listening but you were on your way to Mexico
Down there, they won't care if you want to run around town
The women don't love you but the one you do sleeps in a Minnesota town
Can you see the horizon falling like a diamond in the middle of the violet sky?
You thought you were clear until a tear came to your eye
Everything was moving along and you had your pride in your hand
Now you've got a decision, do you run or fight like a man?
Somewhere in the city where everything was pretty, you found the windowpane
You saw her silhouette burning like a jet through the campfire rain
You shouted out and saw her open up the window to her moonlit room
As a man grabbed her waist, froze you in place, now you've gotta move on too
I wore a short dress to school...
But doesn’t give you a right to take advantage.
It doesn’t give you a right to slip you hands under my dress.
I told you I had to get back to class,
You said just grab my ****!
I kept trying to get away.
You pushed me against the wall,
And put your hands in my underwear and grabbed my ****.
Then you took your hands and went up my dress,
You looked inside and grabbed my *****.
You said baby what’s wrong.
I said I don’t like it, stop!
I said no and you kept saying yes!
I just wanted us to go back to tutoring
I was talking,
not asking to be sexually assaulted!
I SAID NO!!! YOU DIDNT LISTEN!
You did what you wanted I had no control.
I said no... But you said yes!
When i walked back to my teachers class I was in tears... I told him no! He didn’t listen! WHY DO MEN AND BOYS JUST NOT ******* LISTEN!!!
I woke up to a country song
Mother's favorite song to sing
And when the mailman came down the road so long
She cried out "Let freedom ring"
My sweetheart grabbed my arm
And she told me she wouldn't let go
But when the mailman handed me a bullet-storm
I told them I had to go
I left home a week from then
Still too nervous to even think
I wondered if I would die and never see them again
But I drowned it all in a thousand drinks
I killed my first man on a Monday
And by Tuesday it was up to nine
I had my thoughts but I had nothing to say
They told me their lives were mine
I got shot in the chest
And I saw the end of the road
But as I stared through blood to the sunset west
I heard the choir bells explode
I came home somebody else
I knew they wouldn't recognize me
But I stayed kind and tried to keep to myself
And my sweetheart stayed with me
She's still here with me
And now we're both at the end of the road
When I close my eyes, I still see misery
But when I open them, I am home
write big letters on big pages,
filled in magazines.
we make the summers
look like golden lit kerosene
and trail in conduct laden rows
off to our cozy little homes
where we make life a little rougher
for the souls that came before
such a silly little episode
she left her coat,
and we all grabbed it
and held it fairly close
until she finally stumbled up
all the stairs that we drew up
all those cozy little homes.
say that you remember,
late autumn or early winter,
when the changes weren't much
Say that you recall that fading fall
when we thought that we are all
the happiest we'd ever be.
How deep were we in?
Restrained by chains that burn our skin
Car headlights, a hush falls over
Shines through the window, time feels slower
I hope he knows that we care
He grabbed him, dragged him by his hair
Cry, scream, or maybe not
Could have done anything, but we couldn't make him stop
I met her on Instagram
She told me she was a fan of my work
And as our dialogue continued we realized how similar we are
She didn’t live far
So we met up in the city
Her eyes sparkling like stars in the night sky
Or should I say embers of the inferno her mind produces
A spiritual girl with a sharp tongue
She refuses to drink from plastic bottles
Her hair a melody of colors
And her skin as soft as Cashmere
We toured art museums
Gazed at monuments together
She tells me she’s obsessed with love
Already my heads spinning
And I’m wondering If I will make it out alive with her
we spent the entire day submerged in analytical discourse
On what it means to be alive
How little time
We only came up for air
when our eyes linked
And we stared
She says to me
“That's a nice thought you’re having”
Exercising her intuitive prowess
I laughed and wondered if she really knew
of the storm that exists in my mind
my face like a window with the shades pulled away
It was getting late
and we were both exhausted from the stimulation we gave each other
Of course, I wanted her to stay
I’ve been waiting for a woman like this
And there she was in all her beauty
I grabbed her hand
“Can you take my glasses off before you kiss me?”
She knew what I wanted
But I know she wanted it too
And so I denied it to her
I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction
“With all the instant gratification our modern society presents, its
refreshing to delay certain things, wouldn’t you agree?”
She laughed and agreed
We hugged goodbye tightly
It hurt to let her go
I watched her off as she danced goofily on the escalator
As she vanished I stood
Like I’d been struck by lightning
Peering closely as if I’d see her face one more time
She was gone for good
And all at once this dream was over
I sat on the train that night replaying her voice in my head
She could be the one I said
Oh this lie I told myself was so sweet
In the beginning
And now bitter in the end
I'm swimming in a stream of consciousness
rare is the occasion I get to rest
inside my head
I need rescue
help me please I beg
I was running wild with the wind once
against the current I flew
through the glass window I came suddenly
and fell into this room
I'm a fish not that big
not a whale or a shark
more like a salmon in the dark
at the bottom of the ocean
where I'm not supposed to be
I'm out of breath.
I'm a fish in your aquarium
the one you never get tired of looking at
you watch me do the same thing all day
how I get bored and lonely inside my rock
you watch me grow until I stop
I can't learn anything new
so I hide and play by myself
Once you dropped me on the floor
desperately grabbed me and took me home
I slept like it was my last day on earth
'cause you never know what's going on in the universe's mind
I thought I should've died before
but when you're being killed the instinct is to fight
I wouldn't mind stop breathing though
I wouldn't mind not having feelings
Fishes have feelings too
I'm afraid of the dark too
Here in your aquarium I get to see the most wonderful things!
how your cat almost swallows me
how your fingers get nervous when you're excited
and I can see everything
'cause no one sees me
Maybe you should take my eyes
'cause I can see through yours.
I didn't realize I loved you.
Not when you saved my life
Or when you drove me to hospital and stayed up with me all night
Or when you grabbed my hand because you saw my pain
When you knew I had troubles and helped me change
You were my family at all those soccer games
You always came and screamed my name.
I didn't realize I loved you, though you knew my whole life.
The only friend who looked at me with pride.
The only person in the world who'd seen me cry.
I didn't realize I loved you, no not at all.
Until that night, in the kitchen, alone with you last fall.
Watched you laugh at my stories, the ones you'd heard before.
Saw those eyes of yours that marveled and never seemed bored.
Heard you hum the same song you did every day and smirk when you saw me looking your way.
And when you burnt your fingers on the stove and put them to your lips to cool.
Never, have I envied anything more than those fingers, in that moment with you.
And you didn't pull away when I took them in my hands, and kissed each one.
Felt your heartbeat as I whispered in your ear, both us of coming undone.
I didn't realize I loved you but I knew it then, In that moment,
My skin on your skin, Whispers of love filling the room again and again...
Sleep deprived I've been up for too long thinking about how we used to dance so long ago. if I grabbed you by waist Do you think these worries would fade and bring us to a time we both know. Ages ago two different paths but if you trace this chord back to the wall you can see we were never unplugged at all.
I took off my shoes and left the house.
I stood under the stars, under a thousand planets
And a million other galaxies.
I stayed silent as a billion glitter specks fell upon me.
They say it's just my heart that needs to breathe.
I left my shoes in the middle of street and traded my tears for a beer.
I stared at a ceiling that was covered in plastic stars and cob webs.
Teary eyed by every moment that had just became my past
I turned to rest my head.
To my surprise I found my heart beside my bed.
I put on my shoes and packed my final bags.
I wrapped up my memories and stumbled upon a few regrets.
I threw out old fights and found that song you wrote once with a lovers breath.
I took the empty beer can to the trash.
I grabbed my hystrical and useless heart
And I drove off into the sunset
Like a nightmare that you can't forget.
A Workplace Rendezvous
Always found hers.
The dangling host.
She was one
Of my workplace peers.
If it went any further
I could be toast.
Those cinnamon eyes
Peers back at me,
I feel so dandy
Shoot me some brandy.
I see the loneliness
Cuts to the chase.
Happenstance now in place.
Our eyes did dance a duet.
Her words are the coquette.
Mine is a cadet.
We grabbed a ruse.
A pail and mop with a muse.
When we reached
The men's restroom
The coast was clear.
The sun shining above,
Holding a frown.
Say hello to the clown.
We fast break the court,
I dribble up and down.
She passes back and forth,
I shoot for the town.
We score at the bell,
That breaks the spell.
Our lunch break
Was a first.
We filled our thirst
A sentimental memory from my youth. We were both
from nearby college working at a fast-food restaurant. What
we had was a shot glass of dilution. A crutch. So the
last three lines unravel the knot.
“Strange place as if, a university campus. Last week of August, bit chilly though dark afternoon. Some random corridor seats. Surrounded by her loud chirps wrapped with unbidden happiness... and me still in some sort of shock... what am I doing here?
Conversation took toll about random university matters, she felt hungry and suggested to have lunch together. So we came out and took a bus towards town to allow ourselves luxury of 'A La Carte'. As we get off the bus cold wind struck us, “Lady shivered and grabbed my wrist with her right hand and same arm with her left, letting herself rest her right cheek on the edge of my left shoulder. My whole existence felt her magnetic presence”.
I uttered if she’s feeling cold she mumbled, I took it as a yes so wrapped my blue jacket around her. She responded to the gratitude with a smile and I allowed her grip on my arm to become more firm... so both of us kept on walking towards an undefined destination... and then my 7:00 am alarm interrupted the most beautiful dream i ever had since HER...”
Rough draft, suppose to be transformed into a poem but i decided to let it be...
she’s a precious rose bush
i can’t see what she’s going through
all i know is i’ve got thorns
i grabbed on with both hands
to a mirage romance
which left me bleeding
with only a glance at you
through a desert i wandered
went four days without water
nothing could replace how much
i wanted her
she had her sights on another plant
i know i didn’t stand a chance
i guess that happens when you handle
a rose bush
And I’m tired
I’m eating my words
As they dance on my tongue
Making me squirm as they turn
Oh I’m biting
Simply swallowing my pride
For I can’t say how I feel
No matter how hard I’ve tried
For they pin me
They ***** me
Puncturing my mind
As I sit here and silence
Muted like a mime
I can’t say it
I fear it
The version that you’ll see
If I emit all of these feelings
My caged memories
For they haunt me
They taunt me
Like a stained porcelain tub
You can’t rid it of residue
No matter how hard you scrub
That’s my mind
They’re my eyes
Tinted a light shade of blue
As eroded as these beaches
I’m drowning from you
They’ve grabbed me
Now bruising my soul
How can one escape from your grasp-
I just long to feel whole
For it was physical
Unsure which one is worse
See these flashbacks you’ve gifted me
Were your most vicious curse
Alysia Marie 2018 ©
Perhaps one day these flashbacks will subside
Perhaps one day it’ll all end.