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"gods" poems
if you’re going to try, go all the way. otherwise, don’t even start. if you’re going to try, go all the way. this could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe your mind. go all the way. it could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days. it could mean freezing on a park bench. it could mean jail, it could mean derision, mockery, isolation. isolation is the gift, all the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. and you’ll do it despite rejection and the worst odds and it will be better than anything else you can imagine. if you’re going to try, go all the way. there is no other feeling like that. you will be alone with the gods and the nights will flame with fire. do it, do it, do it. do it. all the way all the way. you will ride life straight to perfect laughter, it’s the only good fight there is.
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207.6k
Roll the Dice
Hot chocolate no longer tastes like chocolate Tea gets me as drunk as wine I get about as high on cannabis as I would rosemerry or thyme The clocks in my house have stopped ticking Though I never stop to check There's a litter of stray kittens, outside my door, on the front step Although time has stopped passing And the gods have fallen asleep I still find myself laughing That I've wept to much to weep
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May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018 at 5:17 AM UTC
Lukewarm Yellow And Blue
#*It is out of the heart’s cavernous longing and furious search for love, significance, acceptance, approval, identity, security, freedom, belonging, innocence, intimacy and transcendence— out of its primordial memory of what was lost to us in the Garden— that we begin to ***** idols for ourselves. Unconsciously we hope they might restore to us a taste of paradise, taking away our fear and shame and isolation. We yearn to go back but, alas, we cannot get in from there. We ache to connect to beauty, to be desired by it as much as we desire it, and Jesus is the only door by which we may enter. He is the Beauty, and all the rest are simply there like pealing bells to arouse our hearts to Him and tell us that He is coming for us. Still, as if we haven’t quite yet heard and believed the message, we keep aimlessly trying to forge a false righteousness through our false gods. When they are lost or the dreams of them unrealized we are devastated, for the shadows, echoes and reflections we had supposed would finally make us feel good about ourselves have been exposed as frauds, and once again we are left to feel naked but without fig leaves to cover us. It is at these precise moments, when the bottom of our false hope falls out, that we are best prepared to encounter Christ in His intimate fullness and most apt to recognize at last that He alone is everything we have been so desperately wanting. It is our boiling point, where the unbearable weight of failed expectation so crashes in on us that we are finally begging God to lift our idols off of us and deliver us from them, pleading with Him to come and capture us, crying out to Him to possess us fully.*#
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Jul 3, 2016
Jul 3, 2016 at 12:58 PM UTC
The Long Way Home
#*It is out of the heart’s cavernous longing and furious search for love, significance, acceptance, approval, identity, security, freedom, belonging, innocence, intimacy and transcendence— out of its primordial memory of what was lost to us in the Garden— that we begin to ***** idols for ourselves. Unconsciously we hope they might restore to us a taste of paradise, taking away our fear and shame and isolation. We yearn to go back but, alas, we cannot get in from there. We ache to connect to beauty, to be desired by it as much as we desire it, and Jesus is the only door by which we may enter. He is the Beauty, and all the rest are simply there like pealing bells to arouse our hearts to Him and tell us that He is coming for us. Still, as if we haven’t quite yet heard and believed the message, we keep aimlessly trying to forge a false righteousness through our false gods. When they are lost or the dreams of them unrealized we are devastated, for the shadows, echoes and reflections we had supposed would finally make us feel good about ourselves have been exposed as frauds, and once again we are left to feel naked but without fig leaves to cover us. It is at these precise moments, when the bottom of our false hope falls out, that we are best prepared to encounter Christ in His intimate fullness and most apt to recognize at last that He alone is everything we have been so desperately wanting. It is our boiling point, where the unbearable weight of failed expectation so crashes in on us that we are finally begging God to lift our idols off of us and deliver us from them, pleading with Him to come and capture us, crying out to Him to possess us fully.*#
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27
In the digital l-and We l-ive in Mistakenly automatic One pointing at a chest of tools Eyes on i No soul can tell a part a weakling metal Robots robbing robbers rich T-error terrifying t-errorists Artist gods and goddesses Sharing platform to unleashed gifts Mint hue bubbles squeak Fizzy dizzy violet haze World head to toes spins Any day it spins coins in change A quiet girl is sinister Siren of mystery or future Robot is your mirror Peach chin with teeth filter No innocence and glitter litter Guilty until proven the latter A quiet girl a terrorist Error mouths terror twist Terrorist from the orient They hide in between every end Disguises they cover in Racist as problem solving Smile girl watch A fake smile and eyes Skin of steel so is her Heart made alloy How it blazes to the touch when heated Oh it bites fingertips as it's cold Hair resting on the curve of her spine A woman's hair only breaks if it tries to grow What she said Tell me if you can tell us a part Warning tears borne from her crooked eyes Robot and soul Terrorists from t-errorists No soul knows either Tattoos or memory shall identify you
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May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 4:21 AM UTC
Terror in a puzzle piece
The napalan man in a violet cape   descended the stair with a lopsided gait a wretched procession, subscribers in cue rattling off as they stream from the pew   sounds and smells from a shadowy place a catholic priest to gin up base lanterns strung from bolted doors cobbled streets and wooden floors   stepping stones and iron bell fortified by the citadel hallowed halls and sepulcher dragon cane for the horse drawn tour castle turret,  archer holes centaur scribed in chamber bowls garden columns in courtyard view the blood ballet and hullabaloo   ancient tombs on warrior grounds gods and saints who made their rounds goliath still with battered scythe knelt in prayer and mummified   battle fires and crowds that roar gallows, caves, abysmal war   gargoyles flock the terraced slope pearly gates to bring on hope   serpents, snakes and burning ash lava bombs and trident clash mariners drift in absentee as neptune rises from the Tyrrhenian Sea
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Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 9:20 PM UTC
Cinque Terre
I am a miserable **** Traffic jam thoughts. Aimless speech. Fever dreams, coffee with no cream, love with no pulse, alone at restaurants,             at grocery stores,             at parties. I have no identity. Shifting shape, black to blue, trading girls, red hair for Persian skin, parents and gods, politicians and lost purpose mobs, all asking me to be sacred,                             to be loving,                             to be trusting,                             to be active,                             to have no spine. All I want is a bit of my own time. A grenade of change, to end the coagulation of my brain, to leave me hungry for anything other than me, didn't somebody say I was promised something?                                             I was going somewhere?                                             I was unique? I am the same miserable **** As every other miserable **** The ******* that cut you off on Highway 62, The person that complained about too many pickles, on his precious fast food, The boy yelling at his baby sister for getting too much attention, The girl sexting your boyfriend, The boy sexing your girlfriend, The generation divorcing everyone it knows so it can fall in love with itself. All different, in exactly the same way. Traffic jam thoughts. Traffic jam thoughts.                    Traffic jam thoughts. Traffic jam thoughts.             trafficjamthoughts. traffic. Traffic Jam Thoughts. Thoughts. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Jam. thoughts. traffic. trafficjam. trafficjam. traffic jam thoughts.traffic. traffic jam. traffic, traffic, traffic. I am a miserable **** Traffic jam.
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Aug 16, 2010
Aug 16, 2010 at 9:28 AM UTC
Density
I am a miserable **** Traffic jam thoughts. Aimless speech. Fever dreams, coffee with no cream, love with no pulse, alone at restaurants,             at grocery stores,             at parties. I have no identity. Shifting shape, black to blue, trading girls, red hair for Persian skin, parents and gods, politicians and lost purpose mobs, all asking me to be sacred,                             to be loving,                             to be trusting,                             to be active,                             to have no spine. All I want is a bit of my own time. A grenade of change, to end the coagulation of my brain, to leave me hungry for anything other than me, didn't somebody say I was promised something?                                             I was going somewhere?                                             I was unique? I am the same miserable **** As every other miserable **** The ******* that cut you off on Highway 62, The person that complained about too many pickles, on his precious fast food, The boy yelling at his baby sister for getting too much attention, The girl sexting your boyfriend, The boy sexing your girlfriend, The generation divorcing everyone it knows so it can fall in love with itself. All different, in exactly the same way. Traffic jam thoughts. Traffic jam thoughts.                    Traffic jam thoughts. Traffic jam thoughts.             trafficjamthoughts. traffic. Traffic Jam Thoughts. Thoughts. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Traffic. Jam. thoughts. traffic. trafficjam. trafficjam. traffic jam thoughts.traffic. traffic jam. traffic, traffic, traffic. I am a miserable **** Traffic jam.
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45
They rest all over whilst I was rooted to the ground, the water acting like superglue as my limbs stretched out. Towards the clumps of land rods of steal and wood weaved, to connect and ***** that which we call humanity. But there were abuse on the rods formed by hands who'd calloused hearts, poison coursing through their veins, but not a single thought was given for they were innocent in their brain. Said limbs and rods spiraled out, as nothing was left to chance, intertwining everyone's destiny in majestic flare and grace, grand like a ballerina's dance. But the poison was too corrosive, the termites were too much, as everything eroded, imploded, crumbled and buried under mounds of earth. But today is different, a new beginning, a new life. As if the gods have willed something better to arrive. Indeed they came: Ports forged from purity anew, where fresh legs are delivered and old legs whisked away. For no matter how dark it was, is, will be, even during the night, there always is and will be a pip of light.
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Jan 5, 2015
Jan 5, 2015 at 7:46 AM UTC
A Gift of What Was and What Will
#*It is out of the heart’s cavernous longing and furious search for love, significance, acceptance, approval, identity, security, freedom, belonging, innocence, intimacy and transcendence— out of its primordial memory of what was lost to us in the Garden— that we begin to ***** idols for ourselves. Unconsciously we hope they might restore to us a taste of paradise, taking away our fear and shame and isolation. We yearn to go back but, alas, we cannot get in from there. We ache to connect to beauty, to be desired by it as much as we desire it, and Jesus is the only door by which we may enter. He is the Beauty, and all the rest are simply there like pealing bells to arouse our hearts to Him and tell us that He is coming for us. Still, as if we haven’t quite yet heard and believed the message, we keep aimlessly trying to forge a false righteousness through our false gods. When they are lost or the dreams of them unrealized we are devastated, for the shadows, echoes and reflections we had supposed would finally make us feel good about ourselves have been exposed as frauds, and once again we are left to feel naked but without fig leaves to cover us. It is at these precise moments, when the bottom of our false hope falls out, that we are best prepared to encounter Christ in His intimate fullness and most apt to recognize at last that He alone is everything we have been so desperately wanting. It is our boiling point, where the unbearable weight of failed expectation so crashes in on us that we are finally begging God to lift our idols off of us and deliver us from them, pleading with Him to come and capture us, crying out to Him to possess us fully.*#
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Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015 at 10:41 PM UTC
The Long Way Home
#*It is out of the heart’s cavernous longing and furious search for love, significance, acceptance, approval, identity, security, freedom, belonging, innocence, intimacy and transcendence— out of its primordial memory of what was lost to us in the Garden— that we begin to ***** idols for ourselves. Unconsciously we hope they might restore to us a taste of paradise, taking away our fear and shame and isolation. We yearn to go back but, alas, we cannot get in from there. We ache to connect to beauty, to be desired by it as much as we desire it, and Jesus is the only door by which we may enter. He is the Beauty, and all the rest are simply there like pealing bells to arouse our hearts to Him and tell us that He is coming for us. Still, as if we haven’t quite yet heard and believed the message, we keep aimlessly trying to forge a false righteousness through our false gods. When they are lost or the dreams of them unrealized we are devastated, for the shadows, echoes and reflections we had supposed would finally make us feel good about ourselves have been exposed as frauds, and once again we are left to feel naked but without fig leaves to cover us. It is at these precise moments, when the bottom of our false hope falls out, that we are best prepared to encounter Christ in His intimate fullness and most apt to recognize at last that He alone is everything we have been so desperately wanting. It is our boiling point, where the unbearable weight of failed expectation so crashes in on us that we are finally begging God to lift our idols off of us and deliver us from them, pleading with Him to come and capture us, crying out to Him to possess us fully.*#
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27
a single dog walking alone on a hot sidewalk of summer appears to have the power of ten thousand gods. why is this?
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39.7k
dog
I pick up the skirt, I pick up the sparkling beads in black, this thing that moved once around flesh, and I call God a liar, I say anything that moved like that or knew my name could never die in the common verity of dying, and I pick up her lovely dress, all her loveliness gone, and I speak to all the gods, Jewish gods, Christ-gods, chips of blinking things, idols, pills, bread, fathoms, risks, knowledgeable surrender, rats in the gravy of 2 gone quite mad without a chance, hummingbird knowledge, hummingbird chance, I lean upon this, I lean on all of this and I know: her dress upon my arm: but they will not give her back to me.
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39k
For Jane: With All The Love I Had, Which Was Not Enough
I do not want a plain box, I want a sarcophagus With tigery stripes, and a face on it Round as the moon, to stare up. I want to be looking at them when they come Picking among the dumb minerals, the roots. I see them already -- the pale, star-distance faces. Now they are nothing, they are not even babies. I imagine them without fathers or mothers, like the first gods. They will wonder if I was important. I should sugar and preserve my days like fruit! My mirror is clouding over -- A few more breaths, and it will reflect nothing at all. The flowers and the faces whiten to a sheet. I do not trust the spirit. It escapes like steam In dreams, through mouth-hole or eye-hole. I can't stop it. One day it won't come back. Things aren't like that. They stay, their little particular lusters Warmed by much handling. They almost purr. When the soles of my feet grow cold, The blue eye of my tortoise will comfort me. Let me have my copper cooking pots, let my rouge pots Bloom about me like night flowers, with a good smell. They will roll me up in bandages, they will store my heart Under my feet in a neat parcel. I shall hardly know myself. It will be dark, And the shine of these small things sweeter than the face of Ishtar.
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36.5k
Last Words
it's 3:23 in the morning and I'm awake because my great great grandchildren won't let me sleep my great great grandchildren ask me in dreams what did you do while the planet was plundered? what did you do when the earth was unraveling? surely you did something when the seasons started failing? as the mammals, reptiles, birds were all dying? did you fill the streets with protest when democracy was stolen? what did you do once you knew? I'm riding home on the Colma train I've got the voice of the milky way in my dreams I have teams of scientists feeding me data daily and pleading I immediately turn it into poetry I want just this consciousness reached by people in range of secret frequencies contained in my speech I am the desirous earth equidistant to the underworld and the flesh of the stars I am everything already lost the moment the universe turns transparent and all the light shoots through the cosmos I use words to instigate silence I'm a hieroglyphic stairway in a buried Mayan city suddenly exposed by a hurricane a satellite circling earth finding dinosaur bones in the Gobi desert I am telescopes that see back in time I am the precession of the equinoxes, the magnetism of the spiraling sea I'm riding home on the Colma train with the voice of the milky way in my dreams I am myths where violets blossom from blood like dying and rising gods I'm the boundary of time soul encountering soul and tongues of fire it's 3:23 in the morning and I can't sleep because my great great grandchildren ask me in dreams what did you do while the earth was unraveling? I want just this consciousness reached by people in range of secret frequencies contained in my speech ©2003
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Aug 25, 2015
Aug 25, 2015 at 6:51 PM UTC
Hieroglyphic Stairway by Drew Dellinger
it's 3:23 in the morning and I'm awake because my great great grandchildren won't let me sleep my great great grandchildren ask me in dreams what did you do while the planet was plundered? what did you do when the earth was unraveling? surely you did something when the seasons started failing? as the mammals, reptiles, birds were all dying? did you fill the streets with protest when democracy was stolen? what did you do once you knew? I'm riding home on the Colma train I've got the voice of the milky way in my dreams I have teams of scientists feeding me data daily and pleading I immediately turn it into poetry I want just this consciousness reached by people in range of secret frequencies contained in my speech I am the desirous earth equidistant to the underworld and the flesh of the stars I am everything already lost the moment the universe turns transparent and all the light shoots through the cosmos I use words to instigate silence I'm a hieroglyphic stairway in a buried Mayan city suddenly exposed by a hurricane a satellite circling earth finding dinosaur bones in the Gobi desert I am telescopes that see back in time I am the precession of the equinoxes, the magnetism of the spiraling sea I'm riding home on the Colma train with the voice of the milky way in my dreams I am myths where violets blossom from blood like dying and rising gods I'm the boundary of time soul encountering soul and tongues of fire it's 3:23 in the morning and I can't sleep because my great great grandchildren ask me in dreams what did you do while the earth was unraveling? I want just this consciousness reached by people in range of secret frequencies contained in my speech ©2003
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58
Unbiased at least he was when he arrived on his mission, Having never set eyes on the land he was called to partition Between two peoples fanatically at odds, With their different diets and incompatible gods. "Time," they had briefed him in London, "is short. It's too late For mutual reconciliation or rational debate: The only solution now lies in separation. The Viceroy thinks, as you will see from his letter, That the less you are seen in his company the better, So we've arranged to provide you with other accommodation. We can give you four judges, two Moslem and two Hindu, To consult with, but the final decision must rest with you." Shut up in a lonely mansion, with police night and day Patrolling the gardens to keep the assassins away, He got down to work, to the task of settling the fate Of millions. The maps at his disposal were out of date And the Census Returns almost certainly incorrect, But there was no time to check them, no time to inspect Contested areas. The weather was frightfully hot, And a bout of dysentery kept him constantly on the trot, But in seven weeks it was done, the frontiers decided, A continent for better or worse divided. The next day he sailed for England, where he could quickly forget The case, as a good lawyer must. Return he would not, Afraid, as he told his Club, that he might get shot.
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31.5k
Partition
the history of melancholia includes all of us. me, I writhe in ***** sheets while staring at blue walls and nothing. I have gotten so used to melancholia that I greet it like an old friend. I will now do 15 minutes of grieving for the lost redhead, I tell the gods. I do it and feel quite bad quite sad, then I rise CLEANSED even though nothing is solved. that's what I get for kicking religion in the *** I should have kicked the redhead in the *** where her brains and her bread and butter are at ... but, no, I've felt sad about everything: the lost redhead was just another smash in a lifelong loss ... I listen to drums on the radio now and grin. there is something wrong with me besides melancholia.
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30.3k
Melancholia
O sweet spontaneous earth how often have the doting fingers of prurient philosophers pinched and poked thee ,has the naughty thumb of science prodded thy beauty .how often have religions taken thee upon their scraggy knees squeezing and buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive gods (but true to the incomparable couch of death thy rhythmic lover thou answerest them only with spring)
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29.3k
O Sweet Spontaneous
1260 Because that you are going And never coming back And I, however absolute, May overlook your Track— Because that Death is final, However first it be, This instant be suspended Above Mortality— Significance that each has lived The other to detect Discovery not God himself Could now annihilate Eternity, Presumption The instant I perceive That you, who were Existence Yourself forgot to live— The “Life that is” will then have been A thing I never knew— As Paradise fictitious Until the Realm of you— The “Life that is to be,” to me, A Residence too plain Unless in my Redeemer’s Face I recognize your own— Of Immortality who doubts He may exchange with me Curtailed by your obscuring Face Of everything but He— Of Heaven and Hell I also yield The Right to reprehend To whoso would commute this Face For his less priceless Friend. If “God is Love” as he admits We think that me must be Because he is a “jealous God” He tells us certainly If “All is possible with” him As he besides concedes He will refund us finally Our confiscated Gods—
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28k
Because that you are going
have you ever believed in something so blindly so genuinely that the moment you realize it isn't true, something inside you changes forever? i wanna tell you a story, see seldom do i ever go swimming in drinks deep enough to drown in but when i do i speak in tongues about things that none of my memories are allowed to talk about like that christmas at the isthmus where my girlfriend plucked a conch shell whiter than gods teeth out of the sand held it to her ear and stopped time that day she was a shade of blue the could've made the ocean sick see, she loved to play jokes when she held the sea shell to her ear she gasped, called my name and said "i want you to hear this" i said "yeah, right, everybody knows it's just the same old sea" she replied "no. not this one. this one is special. listen. theres music in this one" she handed me the shell like a promise she couldn't keep and i held it to my ear with all the potential of seeing shore after being stranded at sea for years only to hear a tired dirge of silence spill from its emptiness i guess she didn't know how desperately i wanted to hear it too because ever since something inside me snapped now sand pours out of every post card i open i hear seagulls in telephone static sometimes i have dreams where i bury my hands in every beach i've ever been on and exhume this graveyard of noise every time i try to sleep i spit up fishhooks and i guess i'm obsessed but maybe if i hold my ear to enough vacant things then i could have back the time stolen from me since it happened maybe they would get it if they knew what i wanted when i blow out birthday candles maybe they'll find me face down in a wishing well i watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind every day pretending i can forget too because this sea sickness has followed me for years because yesterday i walked into a music shop and all the pianos broke but the only thing i can think to say is *do you know how bad a memory has to be that you fantasize about forgetting it?*
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Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 1:03 PM UTC
measure
have you ever believed in something so blindly so genuinely that the moment you realize it isn't true, something inside you changes forever? i wanna tell you a story, see seldom do i ever go swimming in drinks deep enough to drown in but when i do i speak in tongues about things that none of my memories are allowed to talk about like that christmas at the isthmus where my girlfriend plucked a conch shell whiter than gods teeth out of the sand held it to her ear and stopped time that day she was a shade of blue the could've made the ocean sick see, she loved to play jokes when she held the sea shell to her ear she gasped, called my name and said "i want you to hear this" i said "yeah, right, everybody knows it's just the same old sea" she replied "no. not this one. this one is special. listen. theres music in this one" she handed me the shell like a promise she couldn't keep and i held it to my ear with all the potential of seeing shore after being stranded at sea for years only to hear a tired dirge of silence spill from its emptiness i guess she didn't know how desperately i wanted to hear it too because ever since something inside me snapped now sand pours out of every post card i open i hear seagulls in telephone static sometimes i have dreams where i bury my hands in every beach i've ever been on and exhume this graveyard of noise every time i try to sleep i spit up fishhooks and i guess i'm obsessed but maybe if i hold my ear to enough vacant things then i could have back the time stolen from me since it happened maybe they would get it if they knew what i wanted when i blow out birthday candles maybe they'll find me face down in a wishing well i watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind every day pretending i can forget too because this sea sickness has followed me for years because yesterday i walked into a music shop and all the pianos broke but the only thing i can think to say is *do you know how bad a memory has to be that you fantasize about forgetting it?*
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84
Somedays my thoughts shriek so loud that they congest the rest of my mind other days they chant lullaby's as if nothing traumatic has ever happened one moment i'm up the next im crumbling to my knees one or the other its consistent drowning with no one to rescue me I'm keen on telling myself its all in my head at times, but doctors tell me its all me but for gods sake do they realize what horrid phrases the voices scream? death would be so heavenly I long for the passing of sides im awaiting to go home where its all white and peaceful i have days where im so narcissistic; I swear I can commence the world as if every millisecond is a luxury of sighs and sounds at moments my dispute comes out so rapid all i get is crooked looks and mumbles some days, I love him other times I swear he's the devil in disguise during my manic episodes you spoke soft as if I was a fallen angle that was overflowing with life. You had mentioned a world that disculded me was a world you cannot exist in You said I influenced your heart to skip beats, that I saved you, I was your fresh air Once he witnessed myself during a dreadful episode you declared loving me was exhausting and space is what you desired for hell could i control this? he was the one isolated concept I could ever make my ******* mind up about I loved him; I love him he said that his devotion to me was similar to staring into a black hole but seeing the reflection of the delicate sunset it never made sense to him BUT HELL DID IT MAKE SENSE TO ME? when he stranded me, i couldn't help but dissolve in tears i was nowhere adjacent to happy but that's all I've ever comprehended my doctor says they've observed a change maybe its the sleepless weeks and collection of mood stabilizers consuming pills in hopes to not feel so ******* empty anticipating on my next manic episode waiting for the door to open to go home If I have learned anything from living with BPD it is im constantly dilapidated upon everything one day soon I hope to recover from this disorder that replicates a loud room without recognizing how loud it was and all I hear is the ringing in my ears that doesn't seem to have an end some day this will be over some day my lover will stay I pray to fall in love with another angel again
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Nov 14, 2015
Nov 14, 2015 at 2:27 PM UTC
Living with BPD( Bipolar Disorder)
Somedays my thoughts shriek so loud that they congest the rest of my mind other days they chant lullaby's as if nothing traumatic has ever happened one moment i'm up the next im crumbling to my knees one or the other its consistent drowning with no one to rescue me I'm keen on telling myself its all in my head at times, but doctors tell me its all me but for gods sake do they realize what horrid phrases the voices scream? death would be so heavenly I long for the passing of sides im awaiting to go home where its all white and peaceful i have days where im so narcissistic; I swear I can commence the world as if every millisecond is a luxury of sighs and sounds at moments my dispute comes out so rapid all i get is crooked looks and mumbles some days, I love him other times I swear he's the devil in disguise during my manic episodes you spoke soft as if I was a fallen angle that was overflowing with life. You had mentioned a world that disculded me was a world you cannot exist in You said I influenced your heart to skip beats, that I saved you, I was your fresh air Once he witnessed myself during a dreadful episode you declared loving me was exhausting and space is what you desired for hell could i control this? he was the one isolated concept I could ever make my ******* mind up about I loved him; I love him he said that his devotion to me was similar to staring into a black hole but seeing the reflection of the delicate sunset it never made sense to him BUT HELL DID IT MAKE SENSE TO ME? when he stranded me, i couldn't help but dissolve in tears i was nowhere adjacent to happy but that's all I've ever comprehended my doctor says they've observed a change maybe its the sleepless weeks and collection of mood stabilizers consuming pills in hopes to not feel so ******* empty anticipating on my next manic episode waiting for the door to open to go home If I have learned anything from living with BPD it is im constantly dilapidated upon everything one day soon I hope to recover from this disorder that replicates a loud room without recognizing how loud it was and all I hear is the ringing in my ears that doesn't seem to have an end some day this will be over some day my lover will stay I pray to fall in love with another angel again
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58
A wild flight into drizzled dark night The chorus line thumping Overcome by roar and strain Of metal tested to limits as we race An endless risk disregarded as thought And the sound of a bright giggle Wondrous eyes lit in thrill of threat Fear has no place in this setting A manic gleam and set to her face Sharing a secret as we laugh and howl Because this is who we are For all out control and desire We scream endlessly through life eternally silent Until we do not have to be And in glory we release! Fear is a thing to be learnt A feeling to ******* and freeze Is it felt here? A resounding no! Shatters the question In the screech of tires In the surge of adrenaline In the wild savage smile of freedom Of a shout into the night in defiance of order! Does my heart race as we tear around? Not even a tremor! Until I turn, My face from the moaning wind rushing past And i gaze upon this savage exposed Lips pulled back in ferocious glee A focused and fierce glare to the world We deny life and taunt the spectre Come to us, we cry! The paths are slick with tears of the gods The roads tempestuous writhing in deceit I sit in peace, relaxed A warrior companion at my side We know no fear of what may come For trust Ah trust Is the colour of life Ever shadowed as a challenge to endings! She lights as a fire of the brightest stars And i would embrace her Burning endlessly.
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Apr 6, 2014
Apr 6, 2014 at 1:29 AM UTC
Trust
this is a tale of two star-crossed lovers with a love so powerful they tainted the heavens with bursts of colours they were never meant to be; mischievous little kids finding love in sinful glee in laughter, between dreams and reality and though it was lawless, they found solace because in every prison, they found a rhyme and a reason but even for a love so great, they could not escape the fates’ wrath and envy destiny pulled on their threads cut them loose, thrusted them into misery; for their memories were wiped clean, but feelings remained as strong as they had ever been the boy exiled in a far off land across the pacific sea the girl trapped in her need to break free in a realm both boring and bland ensnared in a labyrinth of woe the lovers yearned for anything— for something, for someone, to obliterate this endless longing the gods answered them in the form of two loved ones polished in every edge, a perfect someone but perfect felt too perfect and not perfect enough to fill up the hole left by a perfectly imperfect until one day the gods whispered for the winds to push the two and the birds to tug at their sleeves over mountain and sea even through the darkest valley so their paths would finally meet and so they did. in the flurry of a moment a pair of brown eyes met and time was frozen once more the two stared intently as if remembering a broken melody a lost childhood song branded as a wrong the birds fluttered and flew taking the cursed red fibre snipped them in two and the lovers felt all the lighter it was the girl who spoke first: **** the stars. i don’t want perfect, i want you.”* eyes dazzling, the boy nodded: *“we’ll invert the universe— the night sky a blank white the stars pitch black the earth moving in reverse”* the fates saw and surrendered as the stars began to wither for this love is love in all its splendor so the lovers walked away with a promise under their breaths, they both swore: *“i lost you once, but nevermore.”* ****
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Jan 21, 2018
Jan 21, 2018 at 10:46 PM UTC
f*** the stars
this is a tale of two star-crossed lovers with a love so powerful they tainted the heavens with bursts of colours they were never meant to be; mischievous little kids finding love in sinful glee in laughter, between dreams and reality and though it was lawless, they found solace because in every prison, they found a rhyme and a reason but even for a love so great, they could not escape the fates’ wrath and envy destiny pulled on their threads cut them loose, thrusted them into misery; for their memories were wiped clean, but feelings remained as strong as they had ever been the boy exiled in a far off land across the pacific sea the girl trapped in her need to break free in a realm both boring and bland ensnared in a labyrinth of woe the lovers yearned for anything— for something, for someone, to obliterate this endless longing the gods answered them in the form of two loved ones polished in every edge, a perfect someone but perfect felt too perfect and not perfect enough to fill up the hole left by a perfectly imperfect until one day the gods whispered for the winds to push the two and the birds to tug at their sleeves over mountain and sea even through the darkest valley so their paths would finally meet and so they did. in the flurry of a moment a pair of brown eyes met and time was frozen once more the two stared intently as if remembering a broken melody a lost childhood song branded as a wrong the birds fluttered and flew taking the cursed red fibre snipped them in two and the lovers felt all the lighter it was the girl who spoke first: **** the stars. i don’t want perfect, i want you.”* eyes dazzling, the boy nodded: *“we’ll invert the universe— the night sky a blank white the stars pitch black the earth moving in reverse”* the fates saw and surrendered as the stars began to wither for this love is love in all its splendor so the lovers walked away with a promise under their breaths, they both swore: *“i lost you once, but nevermore.”* ****
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I fight for the gods To make it to Valhalla Thirsting for sweet war
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Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 9:38 PM UTC
A Viking Haiku
The sadness of losing It's what's left It was so true to love you It happened but I would love you ... I would love ... Come here. Let me show you I want to see Maybe the hours ... Or the mountains ... perhaps words, I do not know Maybe _ love ... I stopped saying. Stopped. I resigned to love ... the gods... The flowers, Kielos, bit me when i pulled them To love you Was like pulling a flower I made you swan The gods made me volcano
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Apr 24, 2014
Apr 24, 2014 at 8:38 PM UTC
The swan and the Volcano
she had flaked away her memories and stepped up with a ponderous heart, held by two gentle hands; and saying goodbye, did she, as she slipped off her skin, for the moment blood stains the kumari's tender soul, bereaved, will she become, for a goddess never bleeds. her feet shall never touch the tattered, naked ground, for it engulfs and devours and burns off the kumari's flesh. holding her pure spirit, and   accepting a cruel death sentence, her quivering soul cupped but a glimmer of hope, as the fire would flicker and lash and whip as her skin flakes again, and the kumari vanishes. but, if she remains unscathed, blood shall be drawn, and the gods will tremble and her body will collapse. the world will consume her once again. a kumari's blood, drawn, now at death, trembling and alone, had she sobbed tears of joy, for no longer the weight must she bear in her heart, of being a kumari; but a kumari is she, and the world has not chose her, but she has chosen to be. she had withered away, heart no longer ponderous, she stepped up. and her wishes from within passed on to the fearful others, held by two gentle hands, and with a gentle flutter of her eyes, next to her charcoal stained skin, had her heart stopped; for her bejeweled crown had been stained with blood, and the kumari realized that she had died long ago.
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May 18, 2018
May 18, 2018 at 6:41 PM UTC
a kumari's blood
On Raglan Road on an autumn day I met her first and knew That her dark hair would weave a snare that I might one day rue; I saw the danger, yet I walked along the enchanted way, And I said, let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of the day. On Grafton Street in November we tripped lightly along the ledge Of the deep ravine where can be seen the worth of passion's pledge, The Queen of Hearts still making tarts and I not making hay - O I loved too much and by such and such is happiness thrown away. I gave her gifts of the mind I gave her the secret sign that's known To the artists who have known the true gods of sound and stone And word and tint. I did not stint for I gave her poems to say. With her own name there and her own dark hair like clouds over fields of May On a quiet street where old ghosts meet I see her walking now Away from me so hurriedly my reason must allow That I had wooed not as I should a creature made of clay - When the angel woos the clay he'd lose his wings at the dawn of day.
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22.2k
Raglan Road
Ah.. shes here...I shuffle around the stalls... watching..out of the corners of my eyes.... she knows ....Intimacy...a hand on flank..careful.. .you'll break me....with your gentle hands.. ..My hard mouth....your soft lips.. ..unruly, unruled....old horse...a kiss. .. Confused, ...stallion in name only. ... You whisper... My ears ***** ... forward..the hunt! ....your scent on.. ..My bridle...I smell u still... .. Calm...Comfort...Welcome... .Gentled, not too gently....a strong hand. . It grows trust …..truth...a Stallion! Once more. Panting...pawing...'Be easy'..nervous eyes roll. .a hand on the neck...a caress..'Gently '...you whisper, .... hot breath against ear … I snuffle and toss my head …. still a bit frightened…..her power! ..Will you ride.? ! ..firm thighs and buttocks.. ..Toes point... Heels dig...all Give and Take…. . Instruction to...from...the muscled beast. ..straddled. Awkward… too long without…. ..A Rider … the matching... Gait with hip... Walk-on.. Trot, pounding...Heels clip. ..faster, just a bit..Then smoothly they fit her to him. ...a canter.....this long stretch....rocking like one creature ….each a part of the other...breathing evenly… ...caught ….. Breath comes quick...bodies warm. . Exertion...strength..trust.. Leaning forward.. knees grip..pulling...toes curl..in.. ..hot breath..whisper in an ear… Now! ...hands grip mane... As they clench … bit between the teeth...She.. ...gives him his head... Finding his rhythm …. home in sight...a last burst…… Rider/Stallion sweat soaked … blood pounding..There... againthe scent of her...Sweet Hay rising. ..she whispers… yes oh yes… I knew… you had it in you.. In me...oh gods….YES! ! . . No! not the pasture yet for you.. She chuckles.. .bodies tangled in sheets ….. Her mane of dark hair.. Scent of her fills him … glad to be..Alive? Yes..head…. Heat… heart...bursting…Not now… But soon. . A gift.. This youth.. Who see's value in an old war horse. ..ridden.. but no more to war and blood.. .gentled, both he and she… sleep…bridled passion. ..her...a scent of sweet hay… .him...an old spice..and gunpowder? ..mmm. by Alexander K Hamilton
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Jan 20, 2017
Jan 20, 2017 at 12:01 AM UTC
Oh, Sweet Hay And Whispers
Ah.. shes here...I shuffle around the stalls... watching..out of the corners of my eyes.... she knows ....Intimacy...a hand on flank..careful.. .you'll break me....with your gentle hands.. ..My hard mouth....your soft lips.. ..unruly, unruled....old horse...a kiss. .. Confused, ...stallion in name only. ... You whisper... My ears ***** ... forward..the hunt! ....your scent on.. ..My bridle...I smell u still... .. Calm...Comfort...Welcome... .Gentled, not too gently....a strong hand. . It grows trust …..truth...a Stallion! Once more. Panting...pawing...'Be easy'..nervous eyes roll. .a hand on the neck...a caress..'Gently '...you whisper, .... hot breath against ear … I snuffle and toss my head …. still a bit frightened…..her power! ..Will you ride.? ! ..firm thighs and buttocks.. ..Toes point... Heels dig...all Give and Take…. . Instruction to...from...the muscled beast. ..straddled. Awkward… too long without…. ..A Rider … the matching... Gait with hip... Walk-on.. Trot, pounding...Heels clip. ..faster, just a bit..Then smoothly they fit her to him. ...a canter.....this long stretch....rocking like one creature ….each a part of the other...breathing evenly… ...caught ….. Breath comes quick...bodies warm. . Exertion...strength..trust.. Leaning forward.. knees grip..pulling...toes curl..in.. ..hot breath..whisper in an ear… Now! ...hands grip mane... As they clench … bit between the teeth...She.. ...gives him his head... Finding his rhythm …. home in sight...a last burst…… Rider/Stallion sweat soaked … blood pounding..There... againthe scent of her...Sweet Hay rising. ..she whispers… yes oh yes… I knew… you had it in you.. In me...oh gods….YES! ! . . No! not the pasture yet for you.. She chuckles.. .bodies tangled in sheets ….. Her mane of dark hair.. Scent of her fills him … glad to be..Alive? Yes..head…. Heat… heart...bursting…Not now… But soon. . A gift.. This youth.. Who see's value in an old war horse. ..ridden.. but no more to war and blood.. .gentled, both he and she… sleep…bridled passion. ..her...a scent of sweet hay… .him...an old spice..and gunpowder? ..mmm. by Alexander K Hamilton
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